True Love Way
by Soft Ragoo
Summary: Edward knows love. Only true love can draw this shy, insecure boy out of his shell. Truly selfless, it will take more than confidence to follow his heart. A twist of fate takes him the true love way, no matter what the costs. ExB, AH
1. Prologue

**Welcome to my newest WIP. It's taken much longer than I wanted to get it going, but here we go. This is an EPOV fic. Only EPOV. And as usual - human, and out of character. It spans over a decade, as true love never fades. Thank you for joining me. I hope you stick around and enjoy the ride.**

_***Disclaimer* All things Twilight, of course, are property of Stephenie Meyer. The versions of her characters that I play with are not them, but wacky versions of the characters we love, and love to hate. I hope they move you in some way as well.**_

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><p><strong>True<strong>_** Love Way**_

**Prologue**

Love comes in many forms. The love one feels for family – the close bond of siblings, and the love given to and taken from parents is one I'm familiar with. The love parents have for a child, whether from their own flesh or not, is something I've witnessed and can vouch for. There's platonic love, on occasion. A true friend who just appreciates you for who you are is rare and so worthy of love. There is first love, and lust mistaken for love. Forbidden love, and regrettable love. There's even a love that one can talk themselves into feeling – it's settling for something less than ideal, but it serves its purpose.

In my experience, love is what makes life worth living, but it can also wound you so deeply that the scar never fades. I believe in true love; a love that is pure and is completely out of your hands. You know it when happens, and it can save you, or destroy you. At the end of it all, true love is the only way.

~ 0 ~

"Rose wants you to come over next weekend. No excuses." Emmett recited my sister's request to me as we headed home to Port Angeles. He was picking up some boxes my parents had in storage for them and I'd gone along for the ride. "She's actually got three days off, and she wants to see your ugly face."

"Well if that's all she's looking for…" I grabbed his phone from the console and snapped a picture making my goofiest face. "There. Done. And she doesn't even have to wait for the weekend."

He glanced down at it and cracked up. "That's classic, but I think she had something in mind that included more personal involvement. What's your schedule like?"

"I finish Saturday morning, switch to second shift on Monday. I'm off in between." I worked as a dispatcher for Port Angeles Emergency Response. "I'll come over after my shift?"

"Perfect. That'll make her happy. I don't go back until Sunday night myself… Uh-oh. Looks like there's an accident ahead."

I perked up along with him. It was more than concern for traffic delays – with both of us in the field of emergency response we mutually felt a need to help out in some way. "Fire trucks already – I guess I don't have to call it in. Looks like a bad one."

"Shit, dude! Is that a plane?"

I craned my neck to scan the scene as Emmett slowed down. I saw an overturned semi amongst the flashing lights, a pickup truck and… "Shit! Yeah, that's definitely a wing! Looks like a small plane. Private? Or pleasure craft. Either way, I can't see how anyone survived that. Damn."

"Should we see if they need extra hands?"

I wiggled my fingers. "That's what we're here for. I'm just gonna give Lauren a quick call and let her know I'll be late."

Emmett parked along the side of the highway, grabbed his ID, and ran over to the scene. I joined him after my call.

"We're short on paramedics until backup arrives," the crew chief informed us. "There are six survivors needing medical attention – two can't be transported until they're stabilized. Can you lend a hand?"

Of course we would. Although I wasn't healthy enough to work on a squad, I was a fully trained paramedic. We rushed through with the bag Emmett kept in his truck and put our gloves on to get to work.

I splinted a compound fracture, and cleaned and bandaged wounds on the truck driver. He fared the best out of the survivors. Aside from the pickup, another vehicle was involved and completely trashed. It was doubtful if the one survivor from that car would make it to the hospital. All in all, I was amazed that the outcome wasn't worse. The private plane had crashed in the trees, but the body of the plane, minus one wing, had made its way onto the highway in front of the semi. More amazing yet was that one of its three passengers had survived the wreckage. The other two and the pilot had been killed instantly.

I made my way over to the plane victim to see if they needed help. She looked in rough shape as two paramedics worked on her. They didn't even have a name until Aviation provided the passenger list from the plane. The ambulance arrived to transport her to Olympic Medical Center in Port Angeles and something propelled me to take a closer peek at her before they moved her. I knew I'd have nightmares about it, but I never imagined my curiosity would change my life.

I was transfixed as I stared at her. It couldn't be her. No, please God, don't let it be her. Shakily, I moved closer to prove to myself that my mind was playing tricks on me. Even though I often thought of her, I hadn't seen her in years. I had to be wrong. Her face was swollen almost beyond recognition... almost. I had spent so much time staring at that face, I would know it no matter how badly mutilated it was. Carefully, I picked up the arm the IV was hooked up to. There was my proof - a tiny mole on her right wrist was all I needed.

"You see something?" The paramedics eyed me as I set her hand down with the utmost care.

I couldn't take my eyes off her. Nodding, I stared blankly at the woman on the stretcher. "Someone should contact Police Chief Swan in Forks."

"Charlie? Why? What's he got to do with this?"

"This is his daughter."

~ 0 ~

I was once asked to write an essay – a mini auto-biography. It seemed like a lifetime ago. It seemed like another life altogether. I had worked so hard over the past ten years to give myself a new life, but in one quick flash, I was drawn back in. I relived my previous life on my overnight dispatch shift. My copy of the essay had been folded and unfolded many times, but it hadn't been out for years. In my hands, it was a lonely old friend.

_I was born with a flash of lightning on the side of a darkened road. My parents watched on anxiously as two paramedics worked as calmly as possible on my birth mother. Elizabeth was just sixteen when she met my parents. Esme was on duty at a clinic when she first came in for prenatal care. The two formed a sort of mother/daughter bond. My parents had been unsuccessful in conceiving a child, and they desperately wanted a family. They were meant to be parents, and young Elizabeth was without parents of her own. Destiny seemed to be playing well for both parties. _

_Esme and Carlisle became surrogate parents to Elizabeth, caring for her and providing for her during her pregnancy. An agreement was made at some point, and my father, being a lawyer, had all the necessary papers drawn up to legalize my adoption. It wasn't necessary to legalize the rest of the agreement – my parents were happy to provide a home and an education for Elizabeth, and she had the utmost faith in their intentions. After all, she was giving them her child. _

_The night she went into labour, there was a terrible storm. Carlisle didn't hesitate in calling an ambulance, wanting to get Elizabeth to the hospital as quickly as possible. She was so young – there was no telling what her labour would be like. For all of the planning they had done, no one could have anticipated the outcome. No one dreamed up a lightning bolt striking down a tree in front of the ambulance, or the amount of slick mud on the hill, hindering the vehicle's ability to stop. It crashed as my birth mother screamed in terror and pain, bearing down in an attempt to put an end to her agony. _

_Ambulance tangled in the fallen tree, the paramedics delivered me as another bolt of lightning lit up the sky around us. But something went wrong. Something went very wrong. Young Elizabeth died before she made it to the hospital. In giving me life, I took hers. _

_My parents claim I was meant to be theirs and that Elizabeth was a gift to them in so many ways. As fate would have it, soon after the adoption agreement was made, Esme discovered that she was pregnant herself. She claims we brought her and Carlisle fertility and good fortune. Alas, they were so fortunate, Esme was actually carrying twins. _

_The night I took my mother's life, I very nearly took my siblings' as well. Esme went into premature labour from the trauma of the accident and losing Elizabeth. She was hospitalized for the remainder of her pregnancy, in hopes of keeping the babies alive inside of her long enough to give them a good chance at life. _

_At home, I was tended to by a hired nanny. My father exhausted himself between working and looking out for me, as well as spending time at the hospital each and every day. I was a fussy baby. I didn't sleep well, and the only time I wasn't crying was when Dad took me to visit Mom. For that hour or so in her arms, I was peaceful. That's what they tell me._

_My brother and sister were born miraculously healthy, just two months after me. They were perfect and beautiful. Look at any picture of the three of us as babies, and I was the one scowling and red while my golden-haired siblings smiled angelically. Of course, I don't remember those very early days. What I do remember is the three of us always being together. We were more like triplets, everyone said. Despite being the oldest, however, I was definitely the runt of the litter. _

_As we grew, my siblings maintained their sweet dispositions and stunning looks. Jasper and Rosalie were model children, never causing aggravation and always in perfect health. While they grew taller and gained weight, I fell behind. They were bigger, stronger, smarter than me – generally better all around. It may be part of their generous personalities, but they never seemed to see the difference in me. They hovered over me, as my parents did, each time I came down with bronchitis or pneumonia. They drew pictures daily on whatever cast I had for my many breaks – fragile bones do not go well with being uncoordinated. I was simply their klutzy brother, Edward. _

_It was when we started school that I really noticed the difference between us. I was beyond shy around other kids – my siblings were my only friends. I was fine with that; I didn't need anyone besides them, and they always included me in their play. At school, however, I began to notice that other kids were as drawn to them as I was. Everyone wanted to be their friend. Crowds gathered wherever they were, and I became increasingly nervous in such crowds. _

_As I became more withdrawn and prone to illness, my parents decided it was time to take action. I had my first experience with psychotherapy, medication, and a healthy dose of reality. The truth behind my different birthday came out. Finally, I had a valid reason for being different. _

_Rosalie and Jasper took it much better than I did. Nothing changed for them, but for me, everything had changed. I wasn't merely a menace to myself – I had taken my mother's life. I was more than different. I truly was the outsider – the freak on drugs that I didn't need. Drugs that only made things worse for me. I became scrawnier and even less able to adapt to my surroundings. I acted out, drawing attention everywhere we went, until Mom finally insisted that my diagnosis had to be wrong and I was taken off the pills. As my mood spiralled downward, Mom took me under her wing even more. When the twins had friends over, I would spend one-on-one time with her in the kitchen. She was trying out protein-rich foods to bulk me up – the beginning of my fat years. _

_The fat years were not kind to me. If I was shy and self-conscious before that, it was tenfold after the failed medication trial and weight gain. I also wore glasses that were constantly taped in various locations to hold together until they could be replaced. I was as hard on my glasses as I was my bones. _

_I would do anything to avoid attention of any sort. Kids were cruel, and my siblings became my defenders and sole playmates. My siblings are everything to me. In a life filled with accidents and mishaps, they are the best thing that ever happened for me. I would be lost without them. _

_They constantly amaze me with their acceptance. We share no common blood, no similar genes, yet I'm simply their brother. They don't see the fat or the awkwardness. They draw out a person I can only be with them – and they love me. Even their love is different from mine. I love them for who they are to me; they love me unconditionally. _

_Of course, they have no reason to be jealous of me or need me the way I need them – they have everything, including knowledge of a different love. I will lose my constant companions, my saviours – my heroes. They've each found a new love. While they still involve me in their lives, I know it is fleeting. Eventually, they will move on and start lives of their own. Each of us separate. Perhaps when forced to live apart from them I will understand unconditional love. Right now, I feel I have to earn their love. I have to prove to them that they are the most important people in my life. I have to prove that I can be equal and not dependant on them for life. I can be the brother they deserve rather than the one they were stuck with after killing my own mother. I have to show them I'm worthy of their love._

_Right now, I am anything but worthy. I've fallen into something so wrong but am helpless to change. I am desperately in love with my brother's girlfriend. _

The last paragraph still made me cringe. I had excluded that from the copy I'd given to my therapist. No one needed to know my dirty little secret. It wasn't like my therapist was a priest – it's not a sin to lie to your therapist. It is a shame to lie to oneself, however. Jasper may have moved on, but I had never gotten over Bella.

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><p><strong><em>AN ~ Okay, before you get all up in my face - this IS an E/B story. Trust me. You trust me, right? _**

**_I trust some very important people who've helped me get on this over the past several months. If you get the chance, check out their fics. Very talented ladies, my friends are:_**

**_sshg316, who once more speed read and beta'd in batches. You rock, hon! I should be getting another batch to you soon!_**

**_msj2779, avid pre-reader and advisor. I'd be totally lost without you. Your never-ending support, bubbles, picporn and advice get me through the worst and the best of times. I heart you like a MC. ;-) _**

**_These are my fixers - any errors you spot in the chapters above, and to come, are mine. Like this E & B, I'm only human. If you've followed me before, hi-ya! Welcome back! And if you're new to my fics, howdy to you as well. I write a slow burn. I mean, sloooooow. If it's not your thing, you probably won't want to wait. But I hope you do. Looking forward to seeing what you all think! As usual, I'll be updating Monday mornings. See you then! XX ~ SR_**


	2. Chapter 1

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 1**

_Late September, 1999_

The new girl was all the talk around school. It's not often a new face arrives in Forks, so to have one dropped in our laps a month into our junior year was a novelty. Not that anyone spoke to me about her – people generally avoided me like the plague – but I had developed keen listening skills. Since I rarely had to speak, I could listen to several conversations at once.

The girls' opinions ran the gamut of Plain-Jane to stiff competition. The guys had a more united opinion – adequate rack, if she'd wear tighter shirts, and a great ass with killer, long legs. Apparently, she did wear her jeans tight enough. Both deduced she would be easy, being from a big city and all. They were all small-minded idiots. I had yet to see her to make my own assessment. It didn't matter anyway; she would merely be another kid at school who avoided me.

A crowd around one table in the cafeteria alerted me to her presence. Jessica and Angela were giving her the run-down on the student body and there were a dozen or so guys hanging around, puffing themselves up, and trying to impress her.

"Hey, Bella! I can give you a ride home. I've got my own van!" Ah yes, the van. Tyler was desperate to lose his virginity in his newly acquired vehicle.

"I'll ride in the back with you!" Mike was just an all-round creep, without his own wheels.

I tried not to stare overtly while in line, but I wished the crowd would thin out so I could get a glimpse.

"Who's that?"

My ears perked up as I paid for my lunch. A new voice. This had to be Bella. It wasn't high-pitched and excitable like most of the girls. I rather enjoyed it.

"Oh that's the reject Cullen. Forget him."

"The other two are much better."

"Triplets?" The new voice inquired. I continued listening. The sting of their comments had already subsided. I was used to it.

"No – twins and _that_. He was like, the test tube project gone wrong or something. Then the Cullens had Jasper and Rosalie."

Ouch. That one was new.

Bella looked over at me just as my eyes flashed to her. I wanted to gauge her reaction. She wasn't laughing with the others. Instead, she gave me a small, embarrassed smile, knowing I'd heard their remarks. I kept on my path to the corner table, where I ate every day – usually alone.

Today, I had company. My siblings joined me to discuss the new girl.

"She's Chief Swan's daughter," Rosalie told us. "I think I remember her."

"No you don't. She moved away with her mom before school even started." Jasper challenged.

"No, seriously! I think she spent a few summers here – back when Sue Clearwater was sick. Mom and I used to go help her, and Bella hung out with Rachel and Leah. I'm sure of it."

Jasper gave me a nudge as he rolled his eyes at her. "She can't stand the fact that she doesn't know everyone."

Rosalie flipped her twin the bird as I grinned at her. "I'm going to go ask her."

My sister would; she had no issue talking to anyone. Ever. I envied her ability to just jump right in. Jasper and I watched as she approached the crowded table. Of course, they parted for her. She struck up an instant conversation and I found myself unable to look away from Bella's smile. How had none of the guys mentioned that? I hadn't seen her body, but her smile spoke for itself. She was the prettiest girl I had ever seen.

"You like her, huh, Ed?" Jasper jabbed me in the ribs. He sometimes teased me over the fact that, at seventeen, I'd never even been on a date, let alone had a girlfriend. He always thought I was bullshitting when I told him I wasn't interested in anyone. I wasn't about to confess that this girl would be the exception when I knew I didn't have a chance in hell with her.

"Nah. I was just thinking you're going to have to listen to Rosalie gloating about this. Looks like she was right." My sister was deep in conversation with her and they both looked our way.

"Looks that way," Jasper drawled his agreement with a smirk. He waved at them. "Looks like they're coming over right now to commence gloating."

My heart pounded in my chest and the two bites of pizza I'd had felt like they were on the way back up. I pushed my tray away and stood up, hastily grabbing my backpack. "Want to finish that? I forgot I have to meet with Berty to decide when I can make up that refresher test I missed last week." Tripping over my chair as I dashed from the table, I ignored the snickers that followed me.

I went immediately to the washroom to get my anxiety attack under control. I did have to meet with Berty, but I didn't want to walk in with cold sweats – he'd think I was still sick. Or worse, sit me down for 'a talk'. The only thing worse than being a social outcast was having every teacher take pity on me. They all wanted to talk to me… see if they could help with anything. It reminded me of the times Mom would take us to the park as pre-schoolers and when Jasper and Rosalie went off to play with the other kids, she would select the shyest looking kid and walk me straight over to them. My mom couldn't make friends for me any more than my teachers could. It was humiliating enough that they knew my only social interaction was with my siblings – and they _had_ to talk to me.

Berty let me off without a sympathy chat, making arrangements for me to write my test after school. The cafeteria was beginning to empty out, and I didn't want to face anyone, so I headed straight for Biology class instead. It was deserted, just how I liked it. I took my usual spot by the window, put in my earphones, and skimmed over my notes for the test later on. The earphones stayed in place as the room began to fill up. I didn't want to hear any more comments about Bella. I had my own view of her, and hearing derogatory remarks would only piss me off. If I got pissed off, I'd only draw attention to myself, and that was the last thing I wanted to do – better to stay tuned out. I did pull the earphones out when Mr Banner stood before me.

"Mr Cullen? You have a new partner."

I thought I must have heard him wrong. I didn't _have_ a partner. I worked independently – that was best for everyone. How could I have a new one? That's when she emerged from behind him, all smiles and bright eyes. Perfect skin and soft-looking hair.

"Hi."

I swallowed deeply and prayed my voice would work when called upon. "Hi."

"I'm Bella," she said with an even brighter smile, taking the seat beside me.

"Yeah. I know." I turned my head away, frowning at my lack of social skills. The prettiest girl in the world was sitting beside me, talking to me, and that's what I managed to say?

"Yeah. I figure everyone knows who I am by now. God, that sounded so conceited!" She laughed softly, and I gazed at her from the corner of my eye. Colour had flooded into her cheeks. "I mean, some of the kids have told me the last time there was a new person was four years ago?"

"Bobby Trenton," I replied in acknowledgement.

"Right. So, it's a lot easier for everyone to remember one new person than it is for me to remember everyone I'm meeting for the first time."

"Sorry. I'm Edward." I kept my head down and gripped the sides of my chair. I could feel my heart becoming erratic. This girl had said more to me in forty seconds than most of the kids in the room had said to me in all our years together.

She leaned towards me and gave me a nudge. "I know."

I went over the conversation from the cafeteria in my mind… 'reject Cullen'… 'that'… I didn't recall my first name ever being used.

A soft laugh came from beside me as I frowned. "I met your sister and brother at lunch. They told me. You had detention?"

"No!" I never had detention! I spent my life doing everything I possibly could to go unnoticed. I would never do something that landed me in detention. "I missed a test."

"Oh. I thought your brother said something about a detention."

Class began, effectively ending our conversation. I drifted through the remainder of the day, recalling every word she had said to me and all fourteen words I had used in response. An actual conversation – with a girl! Not just any girl; the perfect girl.

~ 0 ~

Jasper greeted me at the door when I got home after writing my test. "I created an air of mystique for you, and you blew it!"

Hanging up my coat, I scowled at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Bella! You went and told her you missed a test after I had blamed your ignorant dash on needing to get to detention. What is wrong with you? I try to make you look good – impress the new girl…"

I snorted in his direction. "Why would that impress someone?"

"Ed, do you want to be a douche your whole life?"

Rosalie swept in, giving Jasper a smack and some admonishing. "Don't call him a douche, microphallus."

Sometimes I really loved my sister and her ability to knock her twin down.

"And you…" She turned on me. "Why the hell did you take off like that at lunch? And don't give me your crap about meeting with Berty – you could have talked to him in class. Bella's a really sweet girl. I wanted her to meet you!"

Sweet, and pretty, and nice. She's the perfect girl. "We have Bio together," I said to compensate for my rudeness. It made sense to me.

"I know. She told me. She's having lunch with us tomorrow. Don't be writing any tests!" Rosalie mussed up my hair before turning back to Jasper. "And you, lay off him. Calling him filthy names doesn't help."

Jasper smirked. "And you braining up an insult doesn't make it any less of a filthy name. You're more like me than you care to admit, sweet twin."

The headache started even before dinner. I picked my way through it to make my mother happy, but I really was not feeling well. I went to bed early. By midnight, dinner revisited me, and by morning, the migraine was so intense I could barely move. The next three days were spent in my darkened bedroom. Considerable time was spent thinking of rich, chocolate brown eyes – it was soothing and terrifying at the same time. On Friday, I woke pain-free and craving strawberries. I was always ravenous after a migraine.

My voracious appetite spared me from anxiety at lunch – I was simply too focused on eating to mind that I was solo at my corner table. Jasper had a meeting for drama club, a new interest for him, and Rosalie was partaking in Freshman Fridays. It was a project she had pitched the previous year, designed to integrate freshman into the student body and help them get to know the older students so they would feel less intimidated. Members of the group would hang with the new kids every Friday and involve them in activities to loosen them up. Rosalie had wanted me to join. I declined – _they_ intimidated _me_.

Instead, I spent the lunch hour devouring two purchased meals and watching with amusement as Rosalie and Angela got them playing a modified version of musical chairs. Any time a chair was vacated, a freshman would have to fill it. Seniors, for the most part, were pretty cool about it, but sophomores and juniors were far too officious to mingle with newbies. It was entertaining watching them get scolded by my sister when they were uncooperative. Everyone liked Rosalie, and I figured a good portion of them feared her as well.

It didn't surprise me in the least that the one junior who didn't need coaxed into mingling with the young players was Bella. When a tiny girl took a seat next to her, she immediately struck up a conversation, and if someone hadn't known, they'd think the two had always been friends. Of course Bella would be that way – she had even talked to me.

The music changed, indicating it was time for the freshman to vacate their stolen seats, and I returned to my lunch. Tyler took the seat next to Bella, and I didn't want to watch her interact with him. I reached for my bottle of water and realized I had finished it off already. Stuffing a few fries in my mouth, I headed back to purchase another drink. The new bottle was tipped to my mouth when I returned to my table, only to see my seat occupied. For a second, I cursed Rosalie and her stupid game, and then I realized it wasn't a freshman in my seat. The same chocolate eyes that had been in my dreams all week looked up at me.

"I'm stealing your fries." She nibbled on one as she smiled. "Feeling better?"

I nodded as I recapped my lemonade and twisted my head around to seek out Rosalie. She was engrossed with her group and didn't even notice that I needed her. My hands were beginning to sweat. My legs felt a little wobbly, as well – probably muscle weakness from the migraine.

"Aren't you going to sit?"

"Um… you're… on my jacket."

She smiled and shifted to tug my jacket out from under her. She draped it over her shoulders rather than passing it to me. "Edward, there are five empty chairs. Pick one! Actually…" Her foot came up and she kicked the one adjacent to her out. "Pick that one. Then we can share your fries. Your sister told me you aren't contagious. Mind if I have a drink?"

I stared at her outstretched hand, my own shaking as I passed her the bottle of lemonade. I figured I'd better take the empty chair in case I passed out. I was less likely to get a concussion falling from a chair than from my full standing height. I couldn't believe I was doing this – allowing someone else to drink from my bottle. Normally, I couldn't even drink from one that I'd seen someone else touch. Being so prone to illness, I was obsessed with keeping away from germs. She twisted the cap off, smiling at me, and then poured into it with such precision it left me in awe. Downing it like she would a shot, she refilled and repeated before setting the lid beside the open bottle.

"Thanks. Oh, I copied my Bio notes for you, so you wouldn't fall behind. We also worked on a project this week – we're presenting today. Rosalie said you were feeling a bit better last night, so I thought you'd be back." She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a folded paper. "This is your part of the presentation. Are you okay to present?"

I nodded dumbly. I knew I wasn't giving her any indication that I could actually stand in front of a roomful of people and speak, but I was capable of it. That really didn't bother me anymore – it was one-on-one that was the issue. Actually, it was one-on-one with her that was the biggest issue. I couldn't seem to get words to come out. Reading over her notes, I was extremely impressed. So, the perfect girl was not only sweet, nice, and pretty, she was also very smart. "This is great," I finally managed to choke out. "I'll let Banner know you did all the work –"

"Why?" She scrunched up her face in shock. She even looked cute like that. "I already told him we've been working on it at home. I talk to Rosalie every night – it could just as easily have been you. Now you don't have to worry about doing extra credit or anything. It's fine, really. I'm used to doing all the work on projects anyway."

"Me too," I replied with a smirk. "I work alone." I was imagining what it would be like to talk to Bella every night.

"Well I hope I don't mess up your chi," she said as she chuckled. "You can put the presentation in your own words. I just thought it was easier to write it out in script form so we'd have something to go on."

It was brilliance on her part, seeing as I couldn't think clearly around her. I realized my strawberry craving was Bella-induced when she leaned closer to go over it together. Her hair smelled like strawberries. She could influence me even without me being aware of it. And I wasn't thinking clearly when I pocketed the lemonade cap she drank from either – it would become my amulet for years and would play a much more important role in future.

~ 0 ~

It took several weeks for me to not be a nervous wreck in Bella's presence – and she was present a lot. She and Rosalie had become close friends. Bella had lunch with us every day. She visited the house frequently as well. Not once did she treat me like the reject she'd been told I was; she just spoke to me the way she did any other person. Her smile did me in though. I didn't see anyone else melting when she smiled at them, and I prayed my reactions weren't obvious. I couldn't claim that I was comfortable around her, but it was a pleasant discomfort at least.

"Edward! Oh, I'm so glad you're still here!" Bella rushed towards me one day in the locker bay. "Are you any good with cars? My truck died in the parking lot."

I grimaced and shook my head with reluctance. "We should find Rosalie. She's the mechanic of the family."

"Seriously?" Bella grinned. "She never told me."

"Yeah, Dad was worried about her being stuck on the side of a road somewhere and being dependent on a stranger, so he made her take a mechanics course. She's actually really good at it."

"You and Jasper didn't have to take it? That's sexist," she chided.

I finished up in my locker and closed it for the day. "Completely," I replied with a grin. "But not so much when we beg her for help with an oil change. She enjoys it. We don't." I walked with Bella out to the parking lot only to find that Rosalie's car was gone. And she wasn't answering her phone. "I can take a look, but honestly, I don't think I'll be much help," I said apologetically. I was kicking myself for not knowing more about the inner workings of vehicles and cursing my dad for not making me take a course too. Bella was shivering. I took off my jacket and passed it to her to wear. I had three other layers on, I'd be fine.

"Come inside for a sec?" Bella tugged on my sleeve and led me back into the school. "Sorry. Tyler's still out there. He was already bugging me to let him drive me home. I don't feel right about going anywhere with him."

I smiled at the face she made. She was beautiful even when she pulled silly faces. She was intuitive, too – I wouldn't trust Tyler. Then again, I didn't trust many people at all. I started contemplating whether I was better or worse off for my lack of faith in my fellow classmates. Between that, trying Rose's cell once more, and attempting not to stare at Bella, I didn't even notice Tyler coming in.

"So, you ready to give in, Bella?"

"Ha. No… I'm still working on getting my truck fixed."

"By him?" Tyler snorted. "Good luck! He can't even tie his shoes."

My eyes fell to my shoes automatically. Damn. They were undone. I set my bag on the floor, passed Bella my phone, and squatted to do up my laces. Squatting wasn't easy for me, and I was terrified I'd topple over. My stupid hands were trembling. He was laughing. I wanted to die on the spot.

"She's still not answering." Bella nudged me as I finished up the first shoe.

"I'm telling you, Bella. You could be here all night just waiting for Cullen to finish tying. Just come with me."

"Actually, I'm going with Edward."

_With me?_ I finished up the second shoe and stood slowly. I rather enjoyed that Tyler had to tilt his head back to look up at me when I stood straight. Normally, I hated being tall. It made me stand out and that was the worst.

"We might as well just meet up with your sister at home?"

"Sure. Yeah…"

"He speaks outside the classroom? I've never heard that." He snickered and leaned into Bella, causing her to shift away from him uncomfortably.

_Asshole._ "He also takes Bella home with him after school," I stated dryly. "See you."

"That was classic!" Bella was in stitches when we got into my car. "Did you see his face? Not talking much works for you, Edward. When you do talk, they really listen! God… I wish I hadn't mentioned your sister. If he had thought I was just going home with you that would have been priceless!"

"It would have been unbelievable," I replied truthfully. "No one would believe that. Are you warm enough?" I adjusted the heat so the car would warm up faster. I didn't want to start shivering and make her give me my jacket back.

"Do you bowl?"

"What?" I chuckled.

"You know, bowling? Do you bowl?"

"That was really random."

The sound of her laughter made my heart race. I couldn't look away from the road to see her face. That was regrettable.

"I know, but do you?"

"No. I um… I broke my arm the last time I tried."

"You broke your arm. Bowling. Bowling? Seriously? Edward, are we talking about the same activity?"

I risked a glance at her. Sure enough, she was smiling. "We are. And I did actually break my arm – bowling. It got stuck in the ball-return thing. Seriously. Bad genes."

"That sounds more like bad luck. We've got to get you bowling again."

"Six weeks in a cast was enough for me, thanks."

"Get back on the horse, Edward! I love bowling. I'm totally gonna set up a bowling night for all the four of us. It'll be fun!"

"Uh-huh. We'll take my car. We will need reliable wheels to get me to an emergency room, and your truck is not that vehicle."

"All right, all right… hate on my truck if you want. But I will get you bowling. And you're going to love it!"

She did. And I hated it. But I loved watching her bowl. The next time wasn't as bad for me, and she still looked just as good. It got so I looked forward to our bowling nights. I looked forward to Fridays, too. Bella came over after school on Fridays and even stayed over some nights, so I didn't mind Saturdays too much either.

Getting her truck to start was hit and miss, and she frequently took rides home from me. I liked it when she didn't have her jacket with her on those days. She'd wear mine and it would smell like Bella for days afterwards. I always had to remember to take the lemonade lid out of the pocket before I gave it to her – I doubted she would know what it was, but I didn't want to risk the embarrassment. It fit just as nicely in my jeans pocket, and I swear it brought me luck of the good kind for a change. I _felt_ like the luckiest guy on Earth every time she got in my car, anyway. Whether my luck was changing or I was, it was all due to Bella.

Feeling stronger by the day with my new sense of confidence gained from Bella, I didn't cringe when my siblings proposed a New Year's Eve party. Everyone was more animated and into it than usual. The year 2000 was going to be the best, or worst, in history. Of course it had to begin with a party. I even managed to stay healthy for it – in fact, I hadn't missed a day of school in over a month. That was a record for me.

It was during the party that I realized the truth: I could be a regular kid if I didn't hide away. It was possible to feel normal. I not only attended the party, but I enjoyed it. 2000 seemed like it may be decent to me. Maybe good things would happen for me. Maybe I _could_ be normal. It didn't seem like my siblings felt obligated to stick to my side. I spent time with Bella too, as well as Rosalie's new boyfriend.

Rose had met Emmett at her mechanics club, and they'd been dating for several weeks. The party was the first time I'd met him, and he was surprisingly easy to talk to. On sight, I would have avoided him at all costs – he was built like the jocks at school who took great pains to mock my own flabby physique. Emmett didn't look at me with disgust or flex his muscles to remind me of my inadequacies. He talked to me the same as he talked to Bella and Jasper.

I was with him at midnight and watched approvingly as he kissed my sister at the end of the countdown. I already liked Emmett far more than any previous boyfriend, and he really seemed to care for my sister. Turning away from them, I spotted Bella and Jasper making their way towards us. Bella's cheeks were tinged pink, and her ever-present smile lit up her whole face.

"Happy New Year, Edward!" Without hesitation, or warning, her arms were around me. I returned her embrace stiffly. Besides my mother and sister, I'd never been hugged by a girl. She was soft and warm, and hugging felt much better than I had ever imagined. There was no better way to kick off the new millennium.

~ 0 ~

I didn't expect Bella when the doorbell rang Friday night. School was still out, and Rosalie had a date with Emmett. But there she stood, smiling and looking amazingly beautiful.

"Hi, Edward!"

"Hi. Um… Rosalie isn't here…"

She laughed, giving me a light shove. "What? Rosalie is my only friend? I thought we were all friends. Maybe I came over just to hang out with you."

I froze. Literally. I tried to speak; not even an 'uh' would come forth.

Her smile widened, and she squeezed my forearm. Bella just knew what to do, and what not to do around me. She knew how to loosen me up and when to not cross lines if I was uncomfortable. And she never made me feel like a reject for having limitations. "I'm actually here for Jazz. We're going out tonight. He didn't tell you?"

No. No, he hadn't. My vocal chords still refused to cooperate, but I did manage to shake my head. _Jasper had asked her out? On a date?_ I didn't even know he was interested.

"Oh. Well, should I go up to his room? Or maybe you could let him know that I'm here?"

I nodded, mumbling, "I'll let him know." I dashed for the stairs before he could call out to her to come up. Our parents weren't home, and he was interested in Bella. I didn't want him being alone with her in his room. Maria had been in his room with him, unsupervised. My brother often took advantage of our parents' outings when he was dating her. My brother was no longer a virgin.

_Fuck! Why am I even thinking about that? It's not like Bella said she was here to have sex with my brother. They were going out. That's all._ _Maybe they're just hanging out. Not an actual date._ I finished my internal pep talk and rapped on Jasper's door.

He had a huge smile when he opened his door, wearing his 'dressed to impress' clothes that he used to wear on dates with Maria. He was also wearing cologne. It was a date. Fuck.

I followed him down the stairs, stupidly. Bella smiled differently for him. I also realized that Bella had _dressed_ differently for him, too. _For him._ It was a real date.

"All right, Ed, don't burn the house down while we're gone." Jasper clapped me on the back.

Bella looked up at me. "Are you alone?"

And, my speaking ability vanished once more.

"He's a big boy, Bella. He can stay by himself." Jasper joked to take the pressure off me. He knew my discomfort face all too well.

She rolled her eyes at him. "Whatever… it's Friday night! You shouldn't be alone. Come with us."

A muffled snort managed to escape. "Uh…"

Jazz was fully attuned to my discomfort. "I don't think Ed wants to be a third wheel," he said softly. "We can make plans for tomorrow, though."

I managed to nod. Even managed to grin a little as they said goodnight. Then I thundered upstairs before the anxiety attack paralyzed me in the entrance. I didn't want my parents finding me like that. They'd been so pleased with my progress. The last thing I wanted was to feel like I'd disappointed them. On top of the shock I already experienced, disappointing them would do me in.

Locking myself in the bathroom, I slid to the floor as the uncontrollable shaking began. I knew I'd be in there for a while. Two things were certain with my anxiety attacks – they were something I never wanted anyone to witness, and they made me physically ill when they ended. Luckily, I was able to get myself under control, cleaned up, and in bed before anyone came home. I stayed in bed the entire weekend and half of the following week.

There was a knock on my door Wednesday afternoon. Rose had been coming in to hang out with me, so I assumed it was her. Jasper had been avoiding me just as much as I avoided him. I called out for her to come in as I saved my work and closed up my laptop.

"Hey! Um, it's not Rose. It's me." Bella's face peeked in as she cracked the door open. "Can I still come in?"

I took a quick look around my room to make sure there was nothing humiliating lying around. I scrambled off my bed to kick a pair of boxers under the bed. "Sure. Yeah. Come in." I also took the opportunity to open the window. I'm sure my room needed airing out, and the cool blast of air felt good on my face.

Smiling, she slipped inside and shut the door behind her. She sat on the edge of my bed. I gripped the edge of the windowsill behind me. Bella was sitting on my bed.

"Feeling any better?"

I nodded, mumbling a "thanks". I didn't want to discuss my ill health.

"So, Banner handed out new assignments today. I signed you up as my partner. Hope you don't mind."

"Uh…" I frowned, feeling utterly inadequate that she was doing all the work on a second team project. "Bella, you really don't have to partner with me. I'm a lousy partner. I miss so much time –"

"It's not a problem."

"It's unfair to you –"

"I don't mind."

"I'm going to drag you down with me, and that's not –"

"Edward!" Bella stopped me from talking over her. "I _like_ being your lab partner. Okay?"

I nodded shyly. "Okay. Thanks." My eyes fell from hers, and I shifted my feet around nervously.

"Are you okay?" Bella's voice was full of concern. I trembled slightly, fearing that she would come over to me. I didn't want her any closer. If she hugged me, touched me in any way, I would freak out.

"Yeah. I just need some air. I haven't really been out of bed…" I glanced down at the rumpled sight of myself. I knew I looked a mess. I always looked a mess, but this was ridiculous.

"Edward, you're not really okay, are you?" she asked softly.

_Don't get up… don't get up…_

"You don't seem like yourself. Well, you seem like how you are at school, not like how you are with me."

_Don't get up!_

She stood. My heart thundered in my chest. "Will you talk to me? Please?" Her soft voice touched me, and I stupidly looked into her eyes. They were pleading along with her words.

_Just…don't…touch…me…_

I ran my tongue over my parched lips, my mouth suddenly bone dry. Just as she stepped forward, I slid over to reach for a water bottle by my bed, avoiding contact. She took my spot by the window, so I perched on the edge of my bed as I drank.

"Are you upset with me?"

"No!" I shook my head to draw my point forward. "If you really want to be lab partners, that's fine."

"I'm not talking about Bio, Edward." She folded her arms across her chest, hugging herself and rubbing her arms. "This is about you and me. Our friendship. Are you okay with everything?"

_Oh, fuck…_ "Sure!" I answered a little too quickly. Too eagerly. Too deceitfully. Pity replaced the look of concern in her eyes. _Fuck!_

"I don't think you are, and I really don't want it to be this way. Just because Jasper and I are dating, it doesn't mean that _we're_ not friends. It won't affect us, Edward – you and me. We're still the same. I don't want to lose your friendship, because I really, really like you. I like how you are when the four of us are hanging out here. You're funny, and smart. You say interesting things. Unexpected things. I like that about you. It'll still be that way when we're all together. At least, that's what I want. Maybe you feel differently? Would you tell me if you did?"

I didn't know how to respond. I wanted things with me and her to stay as they were. For months, it had felt like I had an actual friend. She was the first person to befriend all three of us. I didn't mind that she was closer to Rosalie, because she treated me and Jazz exactly the same. While I was aware that my brother had never once indicated that he was interested in Bella as more than a friend, I also knew that she'd never given a sign of interest either. I felt betrayed. I also felt desperate to keep the one friend who wasn't family, even if it meant lying. I felt pathetic.

I glanced up. She was patiently waiting for my reply. "I like hanging out with you, too." That, at least, was the truth. She looked relieved, and that's what I wanted.

"So, you'll start being yourself with me again?" She smiled and then shivered. I tensed up when she stepped away from the window. "Can I ask you something? Are you really all right with me and Jazz? Because I don't want to mess anything up. He said he asked you… but then you didn't know anything about it, and well, I just needed to talk to you about it myself. You're important to me, Edward. All of you are. If you don't like this… if you're upset…" She twisted her hands together, full of worry. "I don't want anyone to be hurt. Most of all, you. If you're not all right with this, I'll stop it now – before anyone gets hurt."

There was my chance. Jazz had asked me the first day we met her if I liked her. I lied. Now she was asking. "We're still friends, Bella. I've just had a tough week, being sick and everything."

"And, you and Jazz are cool?"

I huffed out a chuckle. "Sure. Why wouldn't we be?" That wasn't a lie. This was my own doing. Jasper had every right to ask her out. He may not have asked me how I felt about it, but he did ask if I was interested. It's not like Bella would ever look at me as more than a friend, so what was the point of resenting my brother for it? No one wanted to date the fat, pathetic guy. Jasper's a great guy, and he deserved a terrific girl like Bella. "Unless he's jealous that I get to be your lab partner. I dunno. Ask him."

Her laughter rang out as she moved closer still. "See? You always say the unexpected!" Giving my shoulder a light squeeze, she sat beside me. "So, do you want to do the lab partner thing first or the friend thing?"

"Uh…" I tittered, unsure what to say.

She reached for her book bag. Tossing it on the bed, she inched back and sat cross-legged. "My Gran always used to come in and play cards with me when I was sick. So, I brought a deck. I also brought everything you need to keep caught up in Bio. And… I brought frozen yogurt. Two spoons. But if you're not feeling well enough, I'll go stick it in the freezer for you for later on."

Bella managed to get a true smile from me. I wondered if Rosalie had anything to do with this visit. It was something my sister would do. "I… thank you. I really appreciate all of this, but really, if you'd rather spend your time here with Jasper, I do understand. I can read through your Bio notes while you're with him. You don't have to sit with me."

She blew out a deep breath of exhaustion. Yeah, I recognized it – I had caused every member of my family to do the same over the years. "You still don't get it. Edward, you're smart! What's wrong with you?" The words would have stung coming from anyone else, but she had a playful look on her face. "I'm here to hang with _you_. I want to be right where I am. Here. _With you._ Am I opening the yogurt?"

"Sorry," I mumbled. She took a swat at my leg, scowling at me with her cute little grin making it more endearing than frightening. No matter her reason for coming to me that way, I was glad that she had. I figured we could pull this friendship thing off no matter what. "Open it up."

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Well, after my brief hiatus, I didn't know what to expect. You all thrilled me to bits that you're willing to come along with me again. I thank you. I've missed you. And I just hope you like it. _

_Mucho thanks to msj and Shug for loving up my story, and boosting my morale. I heart you! _

_See you next week. XX ~ SR_


	3. Chapter 2

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 2**

By spring, I had come to the realization that 2000 would not be the year for me. It wouldn't bring about change or happiness in any way. It was simply a repeat of any other. Illnesses hit me one after another. My mother coddled me. My father pitied me more. I locked myself in my room more nights than not to avoid Dad's not-so-helpful talks and Mom's frequent offerings of sweets. Mostly, I didn't want to witness my siblings falling in love. I was happy for them, of course, but it really fucking stung.

Mom found a new therapist she was very excited about. She thought this would be the one I could really connect with and make a change for the better. I had been through counselling most of my life with many different therapists and hadn't found success at all. I had little hope for this one but agreed to see him, if only to appease my mother. She worried so much, and that just added to my list of things I hated about myself.

The parking lot was remarkably full for a Friday afternoon. Normally kids would tear out of there, anxious to kick off the weekend. But it was the first day in weeks with no rain, and apparently that encouraged everyone to socialize. Groups clustered together around a car with music blasting. They laughed and carried on as they made plans for the weekend. I found a quiet corner to wait in while watching for my mom. I hoped she'd be late. I wanted the crowd to thin out a bit before I emerged from the shadow of the building.

I watched one of the groupings thin out and realized that it was Emmett's truck they were gathered around. He was in the driver's seat, leaning out the window while my sister stood beside him, scanning the parking lot. Suddenly, the horn blared and he started calling out, "Ed! Hey! Ed, over here!"

Rosalie quickly muffled him, leaning in to talk before she turned in my direction and waved me over. I made the walk slowly, focusing on my footing so I wouldn't trip. All eyes were now on me, so I had a very good chance of stumbling. I kept my head down and didn't look at anyone I passed. That helped.

"Sorry about that," Rosalie apologized softly when I stood beside her. "Em was just happy to have spotted you. I was trying to find you." I loved my sister for knowing I didn't like attention drawn to me. I also felt stupid for exposing that fact to Emmett. Thankfully, he didn't make a fuss about it.

"Hey, we're going for pizza and a movie. You in?" Emmett's thick fist gave me a light pound on my arm.

"Can't –"

"No excuses, Edward! You haven't been out in ages. I miss you. Come with us. It'll just be the three of us tonight. It'll be fun!"

The thought of spending time with Rose and Emmett did appeal more knowing that I wouldn't have to watch Jasper mauling Bella in the dark theatre or see her gazing at him adoringly when he fed her popcorn. I almost wished I could go. "I really can't, Rose. Mom made an appointment for me."

"We can wait," Emmett suggested with a friendly grin.

I shook my head, looking at my sister. "Nah. You know how I get after these appointments. You won't have any fun with me there." That was the absolute truth. I got really fucking introspective and downright depressed after therapy. It was pathetic.

"Hey, kids! What's up tonight?" Jasper appeared out of nowhere, throwing an arm around my shoulder and giving Emmett a friendly punch. Bella joined us, positioning herself between me and Rose. She smiled softly at me and greeted Emmett.

I saw my mother's car as they began discussing joint plans. I couldn't find a way to escape before she was out of the car.

"What's Mom doing here?" Jasper spotted her shortly after I did.

"I have an appointment…" I muttered.

"Edward! Come on, honey. We don't want to be late." Mom was all smiles as she made her way over to us. At least one of us was looking forward to this thing.

Jasper looked mortified. "Dude. Mommy's picking you up at school for an appointment?"

Rosalie issued a sharp slap to his chest. "Don't be an ass, Jazz."

"I'm just saying he's a little old to go through this routine. How can he ever grow up if she won't let him?"

The look in Rosalie's eyes killed me. She agreed with him. I knew in that instant, with their twin looks exchange, that they had discussed this previously. "Now is not the time, Jasper."

"Mom, come on! Why don't you let him go on his own?"

She scowled at him. "It's a new doctor, Jasper. I don't want Edward feeling anxious going in there on his own."

"I'd be fine," I mumbled, feeling every bit as mortified as my brother looked and every bit as sad as my sister looked.

"You say that, but you know you wouldn't be. That's what family is for, dear. We're here to help you."

"I could have taken him, Mom." I knew Jasper meant well – his second-hand embarrassment was meant to be helpful, instead it just added to my own.

"Look, I don't need anyone _taking_ me! I'd be perfectly fine on my own. But Mom's here now… so can we just go?"

She reached out to take my arm but halted when Jasper shot her a look.

"Hey, Ed, we'll be at the diner if you change your mind. You could join us when you're done."

I smiled at Emmett for attempting to make the scene less awkward. I was well aware that both he and Bella were witness to my family's discussion of my personal growth and mental health. "We'll see. Thanks." Bella was right at my side, so I had to look at her to get around her. She gave my arm a little rub as she smiled up at me.

"Good luck. I'll see you tomorrow," she whispered.

Smirking, I nodded almost unperceptively. She knew full well that I wouldn't show up for their double date no matter how my appointment went. Bella had kept up our agreement to continue with our friendship, and she was a most considerate and thoughtful friend.

~ 0 ~

"I thought you and I could have dinner somewhere. Anywhere you want! Your father is working late, so it's just the two of us. It's been so long since we had a mother and son night. What would you like to do?"

_Crawl into a hole…_ I couldn't say that. She was only trying to get my mind off everything as we sat in the waiting room. "Whatever you'd like, Mom. I'm not very hungry."

"Hmm. Well, maybe we could pick something up and rent a movie. Have a quiet night in?"

"That sounds good."

The office door opened, and a thin, ancient looking man with a kind smile emerged. "Edward? I'm Dr Tenneman. Aro."

Mom stood immediately and shook his hand. "Hello, Dr Tenneman. We spoke on the phone last week. I'm Esme Cullen, Edward's mother."

"Of course! Good to meet you. Would you like to come in, Edward? There's a lounge down the hall, Mrs Cullen, if you'd like to get a coffee and wait for Edward there."

I liked this guy already. He knew Mom was itching to get in there with us. I had mixed feelings about those sessions she crashed – part of me loved not having to talk. She could fill the hour just talking about me. Another part of me loathed hearing how pathetic I was from my own mother. I would leave feeling worse about myself and guilty for making her feel bad for me.

"Well, Edward! Take a seat, anywhere you'd like. I'm anxious to get to know you."

I sat in a chair by the window and folded my hands in my lap. "You spoke to my mom already. So you know what's going on with me." I had been through this 'getting to know each other' phase so often it bored me.

He hummed as he picked up a tablet of paper. "I'd like to hear what's going on with you from_ you_, however. Can you tell me about yourself?"

I sighed, slouching down a little more as I began. "Um, I get depressed sometimes. I've got weight issues, obviously." I stared at my hands as my fingers picked at each other. "I don't really like to talk much, and I'm sick a lot." I finished up and waited for his response. He was silent and still. He didn't scratch down my issues on his tablet like the others. Instead he simply watched me as if he were waiting for more. "I think that's about it."

He smiled over at me. "I think you've summed up some facts, but that doesn't tell me much about who you are. Tell me about _you_, Edward."

I froze. That was a new one. "Well, I'm shy. Really awkward. I don't fit in anywhere."

"Where would you like to fit in?"

His question threw me. I had expected to have to ramble a bit more before he interjected. "Um, I don't really know. I guess I'm pretty happy to _not_ fit in. I'm comfortable on my own. People make me nervous."

"What happens when you get nervous?"

"Well… I um, I guess I do stupid things. I trip. I drop stuff. All I can think about is how to get out of there and be by myself."

"And when you are by yourself? What then?"

"You mean, after I'm nervous?" I acknowledged his nod and continued. "I don't know. I guess I sort of freak out a little. I don't like anyone around me when I'm like that."

"What's that like? Can you describe what happens when you 'freak out'?"

I took a deep breath. He was about to witness what it was like firsthand.

"It's all right, Edward. Take your time. Nice deep breaths. Talk when you're feeling more comfortable."

No one had ever done that. The other therapists talked over me. Switched subjects when I couldn't respond immediately. I wondered if this was a way for him to extend our sessions – make more money. I thought about how much money my parents had already wasted on me and wondered why they were willing to toss away more with this guy. It was obvious that I would always be this way. How much more would they spend trying to fix what couldn't be fixed?

"Deep breaths," he reminded me gently. "You look like you've gone somewhere else with your thoughts. Do you have trouble focusing?"

I shook my head. "I've been tested for ADHD. It's not that. I just prefer thinking over talking."

Dr Tenneman examined me closely. "I bet there are some really intriguing thoughts in that head. Can you tell me why you don't want to share them with anyone?"

I snorted. "I don't have to think about that! It's simple – they'll laugh. Or think that I'm stupid. I know I'm not as smart as my brother and sister, but I'm not a complete idiot."

The doctor smiled as he nodded. "Can we go back to when you 'freak out' now? I'd really like to know what happens then. Maybe I can help you with that. It's a good place to start, anyway."

I watched him shift positions in his chair across from me. He wasn't fidgety. His movements were smooth but didn't seem calculated. It put me at ease. I also liked that he was getting right down to it. Previously, I'd had several meetings with the therapists before they actually tried to 'do' anything for me.

"Can you tell me what happens, Edward? Do you feel these episodes coming on?"

"I get… um… very anxious, I suppose. Like, I can't breathe. I sweat a lot. And shake. It's a slow build, so yeah, I can feel them about to happen. Like I said, I don't want anyone around when I'm like that."

"What do you suppose they'd do if they saw you? Do you think they'd laugh?"

"No. I think they'd be scared. They'd feel sorry for me. They'd want to be anywhere but where I am. I don't want to do that to anyone."

"What about afterwards? Do you feel like you could connect with people after you've relaxed?"

I shook my head. "It makes me sick. Literally. I throw up, and then I'm just exhausted. I can sleep for days after a bad one."

"I know you're not now, but have you ever been medicated for your anxiety?"

I shook my head again. "I was on Ritalin when I was young. It made things worse. They did the tests for ADHD afterwards, and my mom didn't want me on anything after that."

"Understandable, of course. How would you feel about taking something to help your nerves?"

I shrugged. "I guess I just think it would make things worse, too. It's not like that happens every day. I can handle it."

"Is there something you don't feel able to handle? Something you'd prefer to begin with?"

I gave it some thought as I smirked. "Whew. There's a lot of things to rifle through. Do you have a hat? We could just toss all my issues into it and pick one at random."

He chuckled, understanding that I was attempting to make light of it. "How about we just pick one without all the work involved with the random draw. What's the first thing that comes to mind?"

"My weight, I guess."

We spent the remainder of our hour together talking about my up and down weight. How I'd been a scrawny child, nothing but skin and bones, and the occasional cast on a broken bone. How I was prone to illness, and the usual routine of my mom bringing me ice cream and baking cookies for me when I was sick. How I'd spent a lot of time with her in the kitchen when I wasn't sick, just to avoid going outside to play with the other kids. I also talked about the countless times well-meaning adults commented on how I needed to be 'fattened up' and I'd be much better. Except, I wasn't better. Fatter, yes. Better? Hell no.

"Ideally, how would you like to be? Not thinking of making your mom feel better or eliminating judgemental comments from others – how would you feel comfortable?"

"Somewhere in between. I hated being a rake. But now, I feel gross. I disgust myself when I eat."

"Do you then eliminate?" He quirked an eyebrow at me, halting his pen on the tablet.

I nodded with embarrassment. "Sometimes, yeah. If I over-eat, I feel really sick. It has to come out. I don't have a choice. Well, I do, I suppose – I could _not_ over-eat to begin with."

"You are such a bright young man." The doctor smiled genuinely at me. "I can say with a great amount of certainty that this is not hopeless, Edward. I'd like very much to work with you and help you sort some of these things out. Would you let me work with you?"

"I guess, yeah. This has been okay."

He snickered. "You didn't expect that, did you?"

"No. Really, I think it's kind of pointless. I'm beyond help." My fingers started picking again, and my damned lower lip was quivering ever so slightly. "I don't want to be this way anymore. I don't want to burden my family –" My voice trembled, and my breath caught in my throat. "Shit. Sorry."

Dr Tenneman moved to the edge of his chair, setting his pad and pen down. He leaned on his elbows looking me square in the eye. "You are _not_ beyond help. And you are _worth_ helping. I will not consider my job done until I make you believe that to be true, Edward."

I sniffled and tried to laugh. I was so near tears and sobs, I wasn't sure what would come out.

"I would also like you to give some deep consideration to medication. Talk to your doctor about it. There are dozens of different types, and we can find the one that's just right for you. Anxiety attacks can't be pleasant. If we could help with those even, I think you'd begin to feel a bit better. What do you think?"

"I don't want to be different. I mean, I do… but not in the way pills would make me. I don't like feeling hyper. And I don't want to be a zombie. If I can't even think, I know I'd go completely nuts."

~ 0 ~

Later that night, my brother called through my bedroom door. "Hey, you up?"

I closed the window on my computer and called for him to come in.

"Ed, I just wanted to apologize about earlier. It came out all wrong, y'know? I just want to help you. I never meant to embarrass you, so I'm sorry."

"Rose made you do that, right?" I smirked at him.

His lips curled up into a sideways grin. "She was instrumental in me getting my ass in here the moment I came home, but I did want to say that stuff to you. You do know that Rose and I would go anywhere with you. You don't have to do everything on your own, but stepping away from Mom a little might be a good thing. Will you let me go with you next time?"

"Jazz, you don't have to. You'll just be sitting there, waiting. It's boring. I'll find a way to get Mom to stay away somehow. It just has to be in a way that doesn't hurt her feelings."

"You're hurting mine now! Saying you don't want me to go anywhere with you." Jasper broke into drama queen fake sobs, and I kicked his shin until he stopped. We were both laughing when Rosalie joined us.

The earlier scene was not brought up again, nor did they ask details about my session. The three of us put on some music and acted the songs out, trying to get as many laughs as we could from each other through our antics. There, in my room with only my siblings and our familiar silliness, I felt like I was worth fixing. They always had a way of putting me at ease, making me feel like one of them. I wanted to get better for them. They deserved to have a brother who could behave normally outside of the house.

~ 0 ~

I continued on with weekly sessions with Aro. He insisted on me using his first name, complaining that his title made him feel old. I joked that we'd work on his Peter Pan Complex at some point. It was getting easier to be myself with him. We laughed a lot together. And he let me talk in my own way. He always seemed to know what I was thinking and would guide me to talk it out.

When he discovered I had a fondness for writing, he wasn't surprised. "All of those wondrous thoughts in that head of yours have got to come out somehow!" he enthused. "We've been meeting for a couple of months now, and I feel like I know all about your family and your friends, Bella and Emmett. I'm happy with your decision to switch our focus onto your social anxieties rather than your weight concerns. I think that's more pressing at the moment, and I also think you've made some improvements in that area."

I nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I really want to do this for my brother and sister. They've got to be tired of babysitting me for the past seventeen years." I watched Aro purse his lips. I had noticed it was something he did when he didn't necessarily agree with something I said. "What?" I challenged.

"Edward…" He stretched my name out and tilted his head. "How many times have we gone over the fact that we are here for _you_? Our purpose is to make you feel better about yourself, not appease your family members."

"Okay, okay," I relented with a grin. "But making them feel better _does_ make me feel better."

"And that's fine provided you're not hiding away your own wants and needs. You're allowed to have those, too. There is no way you can ever please everyone entirely, so you must do want you can to please yourself. Now, I'd like to know something about what you want."

I hummed, leaning my head back in the recliner I favoured. "I want to be healthier. I hate being sick all the time. My mom worries so much. I kept her from working for so many years, and even though she's working again and I'm able to take care of myself when I'm sick, she worries."

I instantly caught the look he was giving me when I glanced at him.

"Right. I can't want to be healthy for my mom. I have to want to be healthy for me. Got it."

He chuckled. "I keep telling you you're a bright one."

"I think I want to go to college. I never did before. High school is difficult enough for me to get through. I think college would be different. I think I could do it."

"Good! And I agree. You'll be taking courses that you want, not ones that are pre-selected for everyone. What else do you want to do?"

"I want to throw a party for my siblings. Well, help with it. Bella asked if Emmett and I would help her plan it. They'll be eighteen."

He frowned at me in an amicable way. "I'm going to cut you some slack on that one. We'll look at that as social progression rather than you doing something for your brother and sister. Our time's almost up for today. I'd like you to do something for me, Edward. I'd like to know how you see your life, and since you have a fondness for writing, I'd like you to work on a mini autobiography of sorts. Write out all of the important things you'd have everyone and no one know, if you get me. No one will see it except me and you, but I'd like you to write it as though it's an Everything-You-Need-To-Know-About-Edward-Cullen essay. Write it as though we were just meeting and you couldn't speak for whatever reason. Can you do that?"

"I can do that." I grinned broadly. I would much rather write than verbalize anyway.

~ 0 ~

I had The Story of Edward Cullen drafted and cropped for him the next session. He took ten minutes of our session to read through it carefully.

"Thank you, Edward. This tells me a great deal about you. How did you feel writing it?"

"Well, it was an eye-opener for me, I have to admit."

"How so?" he asked gently.

"I tend to look at specific incidents and think it's the worst thing that ever happened to me or I was the biggest idiot I've ever been. Do you know what I mean? Sitting down and writing all of that, I realize that I've always been inadequate. Maybe it's just me. It's just how I'm meant to be. It kind of takes some pressure off, you know? Like, I don't have to worry that I'll do something stupid, because I've done stupid things and I survived, and my family survived. They still love me regardless of how different I am. I don't have to be perfect. I just have to be me."

The usual amusement and kind concern I saw in Aro's eyes was replaced with something else. A sadness I recognized from others who knew me. Fuck. He pitied me now too.

"I don't know if I'm saying that right," I continued on to try to fix it. "I think it was a good exercise for me, because I'm not so afraid to make mistakes now."

"Aren't you?" he challenged softly. "Isn't that what's happening right now? You think you said something wrong – something that upset me – and so now you're trying to fix that."

"Damn. You're good." I aroused a chuckle from him.

"Oh, I know it, dear boy. And someday, you'll know that _you're_ good too. I have a feeling that you're very good at hiding away – if not your entire person, then at least your deepest thoughts. That's our next challenge, I think. I'd like you to have a conversation with someone. It can be anyone you feel comfortable with. But you must express your true feelings in that conversation – your deepest thoughts. Let someone completely in, if only for a moment. Can you do that?"

"I don't know!" I chuckled nervously. "I think I do with you. Does that count?" Aro was certainly the one person who knew me best. I divulged bits about myself to him that no one else knew. Sure, I still kept certain things from him, but they weren't things he needed to know.

"No!" He swiped playfully at my leg with his writing tablet. "That does not count! See what you can do, and we'll discuss it next time."

I left feeling guilty for having omitted a section of my essay that I gave him. Did he know? He always knew when I was hiding something. He had to know that I'd left some things out. It had to be that way. There was no way I would admit to anyone that I was in love with my brother's girlfriend. I may be a horrible person for lying to my therapist, but I was more horrible for coveting someone that wasn't mine to have. No one could know that. No one.

~ 0 ~

"Ed-die, get out of bed-dy!" Rosalie sang into my ear Saturday morning. I grumbled and pulled my pillow over my head. She proceeded to tickle me into submission. Laughing and growling all at once, I pushed her off me and my bed. She landed with a thump.

"I'm going to let you off with that, only because it's your birrrrthday! Happy birthday big brother! Give me some lovin'." She was back up on my bed, hauling me up to throw her arms around me. She smothered me with sisterly kisses and squeezed the heck out of me. "I can't believe you're eighteen! How does it feel?"

"You'll see in a couple of months when I wake you up to torture you."

"Looking forward to it," she sang, not put off by my threat in the least. "Mom's got breakfast ready. She was going to come wake you, but I wanted to be the first to wish you a happy birthday 'cause I wuv you so very much!" Pinching my cheeks, she cooed at me like I was a baby.

"This is sick, Rose. You have issues. I think you need to take my next appointment with Aro."

She smiled fondly at me as I squirmed out of her hold. "You're doing so great, Edward. I'm really proud of you. I have to ask you something… Jazz thinks we should surprise you, but I know you don't really go for surprises."

My heart thumped as I drew my knees to my chest. "You're right. Go on."

"Emmett had this idea for the five of us to out tonight, after dinner with Mom and Dad, of course. We knew you wouldn't want a party here, but we can't let your big birthday pass without doing something special and fun that doesn't involve Mom wiping your chin."

"Shut up!" I laughed as I shoved her shoulder. "I don't know, Rose. I'd really prefer to just let it pass like any other day. I don't want any fuss. At all. I'm not opposed to hanging out with you guys, but can we just do something here?"

"Here? As in with Mom in the kitchen coming in to check on us every fifteen minutes?"

I shrugged. "I just don't know how comfortable I'd be going out. Aro told me I'm supposed to express my feelings and not put everyone else first."

She messed my hair with both hands as she stood up. "Good for you. I'll tell the gang that our celebration is here. We'll figure something out. It's your birthday, baby!"

I felt pretty good about myself. I had managed to let her know the truth, and she wasn't upset by me ruining her plans. I knew Aro would be pleased, but I doubted if he'd count that as my opening up with someone. I often discussed bits of my therapy plan with my sister.

I did my best to hide my discomfort over all the attention I got from my family. It made them happy to celebrate what they perceived to be a special day. Bella arrived as my parents were leaving for a night out. My ears went on fire as she was witness to them grabbing one last opportunity to hang a neon sign over my head in the form of gushing hugs and birthday wishes. My mom even cried before they left.

"Can I put my stuff in Rose's room?" Bella was spending the night, and it was so like her to just carry on like it was a regular weekend instead of commenting on the exhibition that had just taken place. One of the zillion reasons why I loved her.

"Yeah. She went to pick Emmett up at his cousin's place. He had a couple of drinks. And um, Jazz is in the shower. So…"

She smiled at me. "So… cool. We can hang out until everyone's here. How horrible was the family celebration? Did you have to do silly games and shit?"

Another reason why I loved Bella – I didn't have to pretend that I liked this shit. "Mom took a ton of pictures. This will be forever commemorated with shots of the goiter I'm sporting on my chin." I tipped my head back to point it out. "Ingrown hair. Hurts like a bitch."

"Ouch!" She giggled softly at my dismay. "My mom took me on a girls' day once… made me go to one of those stupid Glamour Shots places where they make you up to look like royalty or a whore."

"Or a royal whore," I suggested with a grin. "Poor you."

She hummed her agreement. "I had a zit on my nose. Right on the tip. They smeared so much makeup on it to cover it up that I looked like I had a blob of putty on my nose. Or one of those big fake warts for Halloween. It was awful."

"Mom hauled out the old photos today. I realized that I've always got a zit for every occasion. Not an outbreak or anything, just one."

"One _big_ one, right? I know! I'm the same! I want to see the pictures, though. Can I?"

I saw no harm in letting Bella look through the albums. She was practically family anyway. "You'll notice that Rosalie never has a flaw in any picture."

"Of course!" Bella laughed as we sat down with the first of the albums.

"Jazz had a bad haircut once. Otherwise, he's always perfect too. It looked like a ridiculously bad perm or a Justin Timberlake 'fro from his 'NSync days."

"Oh, I've _got_ to see that!"

"I don't think that's in this one – it's a bit later than that. I'll see if I can find it."

Bella's hand grabbed my arm to stop me. She had already flipped open the one in front of us. "Oh my god, Edward. Is this you?"

It was a picture of us at a carnival. I was standing watching my siblings buckle into a kiddie ride. The two of them looked like models for a theme park billboard, all smiles and rosy cheeks. "That's me. The pale kid in the corner. Why did you even see me there? The picture is of Rose and Jasper."

She frowned at me. "No, it's the three of you. Why aren't you on the ride with them?"

I chuckled. "If I remember correctly, I'd just barfed. Tilt-A-Whirl. We had it spinning way too fast, and I was in the seat where you get squished. I was not a happy camper."

"You look so small!"

I flipped the page to show a picture of us all standing together at the start of that day. I was notably shorter and skinnier than the twins. "Yep. This is probably one of the only outings that I didn't have a cast, but if you look closely, I believe both knees are ripped open. I was graceful even back then."

She chuckled at my sarcasm. "You're so cute! Oh my god, look! They've got you and Jazz in matching outfits. Too adorable!"

I rolled my eyes. "Mom was on a kick about that for a while. People would think I was a friend tagging along or a distant cousin. She'd get so defensive. I think dressing us alike just made people wonder what the hell that was about. We still didn't look like siblings. I'm clearly from an entirely different gene pool."

"That's cool though, Edward. It makes you unique. So what if you don't look like them? You're still their brother. Oh! Look at the babies! I don't know how Esme did it, having three of you at once. It looks like you're the youngest of them."

"Mm-hmm. The reject?" I used the term she was introduced to me as.

She cringed and closed her eyes. "People can be such assholes. Just because you're not a carbon copy doesn't mean you're not just as beautiful. Look at that hair! You even had the crooked little smile then. So cute, Edward! I love how Rosalie's always hugging you in these early pictures together. You're like her little teddy bear." With the next album finished, she reached for another, and it was my turn to cringe.

"These are the fat years. Well, _fatter_ years. They're gross. I should hide this album. Or cut myself out of the pictures. Rose and Jazz were cute. I was a baby whale."

"Edward! I'm sure you weren't fa – oh my. Okay, well I'm not gonna lie. But you were still cute when you got pudgy! Did you lose the weight when you got taller?"

I stared at her incredulously. "I didn't lose it. I just got taller."

"Whatever. You're not pudgy anymore –"

"Are you serious?" I exclaimed, puffing out my cheeks to match the photos. "I'm all flab."

Bella smiled at me in a way that made my heart pound. She reached over and pinched my waist. "You're a bit squishy, that's all. Makes you more cuddly."

"Who's cuddly?" Rosalie asked, bursting in on our conversation. "Oh, Edward. Yeah, he's super-duper cuddly." To prove her point, she latched on to me.

Emmett gave me an apologetic look as I groaned. "Shit, if I'd known she was going to put you through this, I would've grabbed a beer for you. I think a dude should cease being called cuddly or cute when he hits eighteen. Why can't girls get that?"

"All day, she's been like this. Can we go grab Jasper's ass out of the shower and put a movie on or something?" I was anxious for the attention – any attention – to be off me. Well, I thought I was, until my brother came bounding down the stairs, shirtless and wet. I became aware of every inch of my flab as Bella's eyes drank his toned body in. Fat guys may be cuddly, but it's guys who look like Jasper that get the girls.

After a comedy and some Mario Cart on the Nintendo, we settled in for a scary movie. The couples paired up to watch together as I took the single chair. Even angling it so that I couldn't see my brother stroking Bella's bare arm didn't block my view of them. They were reflected in the TV screen. My stomach was doing flips and my temples were taut, warning me of the onset of a headache. I closed my eyes and tipped the recliner back.

"Look who crashed first," I heard Jasper taunting from his spot on the couch. "I told Mom that clown party this afternoon would be too much."

"Fuck off," I muttered without opening my eyes. "Someone woke me up at an ungodly hour this morning."

Rose started in with her frequent chant of the day, "It's your birthday, baby!"

"I think my birthday's over." I sat up, wiping my eyes. "Thanks everybody. I'm gonna go now." I was glad that there weren't any protests; I truly had had enough. I peeled off my clothes for more comfortable ones to sleep in before heading to my shared bathroom. Images of Bella's smile as she looked at my baby pictures flashed through my mind. Did she really not see me as the ugly duckling of the family? Did she not see the fat I still carried? She had to. She was probably just being nice. I tried to focus in on her smile rather than having an internal pity party for myself. It didn't matter what she thought of me anyway. She's with Jasper.

Returning to my room, I stopped at the doorway when I saw feet on my bed. Girl feet. Tiny ones, with painted toenails. They weren't Rose's feet.

"Hey, I was waiting for you. Hope you don't mind." Bella gave me a little wave. "We all decided to call it a night, but I wanted to see you for a minute."

"Oh." My mind was reeling. That was the best I could come out with.

"Are you coming in?" She giggled as I unfroze and shuffled in. My eyes went from the spot by the window to my bed and then over to my desk chair before darting back to my bed. "Come sit down." Bella patted the side of the bed as she curled her legs underneath herself.

Nervously, I perched on the edge. I felt ridiculous that Bella's presence in my room could make me react this way, but it did. I knew my mind would be filled with all sorts of impossible things when I slept that night. That was so wrong.

"So, I know you don't really like being the centre of attention, but I couldn't let your birthday pass without giving you something. I just thought it would be better to do it on our own rather than in front of everyone. Is this all right?"

"You didn't have to get me anything –"

"I know. It's nothing huge. I saw it a couple of weeks ago, and it made me think of you. I had to get it." She handed me a small, wrapped package. "Happy birthday, Edward."

"Um, thanks." I held it in my hands, hoping they wouldn't tremble any more than they already were.

"Well, open it! I want to explain it, 'cause it seems a little weird."

I chuckled as my fingers shakily tore into the paper. Inside the box was a small velvet bag. I took it out and held it up questioningly.

"Look inside!" Bella waved her hands, encouraging me to get on with it. The moment the item was out of the bag, she broke into explanation. "Okay, so it's a malachite stone. Weird, right? I could have put it on a chain or a bracelet, but I figured you wouldn't wear it. That's not really a guy thing. But it's all right on a keychain, right? Or whatever. You can just tuck it in a drawer if you want. The thing is, when I saw it, I immediately pictured your eyes. It's the exact colour. Same green, with tiny little specks of gold. It's like it was meant for you. It's the only one that had the gold specks."

I rolled the little stone in my hand, examining it. My eyes? Bella had noticed my eye colour? Not just that they were green, but the gold bits?

"When I found out its meaning, I knew it was meant for you. It's for emotional balance and promotes change and prosperity. It's a transformation stone that protects you from negativity." Her eyes lowered as she twisted the tie on the little bag. "I'm not saying that you need to change, because I like you just how you are. I just wish that you liked yourself better. That's what I would change. You're very hard on yourself. I wish you could see yourself as I do."

I was speechless. This was the most meaningful gift I'd ever received. I stared at the stone, seeing my eyes in it. I tried to see the beauty in it that she did. I could see it in the stone, but definitely not in me.

"Edward?" Her voice was soft as she placed her hand on my wrist. "Have I upset you?"

"No… I…" My throat closed over, and I risked a glance at her. I shouldn't have. I held up a finger, and just like Aro, she waited for me to be able to communicate my thoughts. She waited. "Shit." I finally managed to get out. "I think I might cry."

Instead of sobbing, I chuckled. If nothing else, I had learned to laugh at myself just as well as others did. "Thank you, Bella. You didn't upset me. This is… this is thoughtful. Everything about it, even how you gave it to me… is thoughtful. Thank you."

She sat smiling at me, not looking like she was going anywhere even though the gift had been given and explained. It suddenly felt awkward again. I knew I should say something, but what?

"I'm making you uncomfortable, aren't I?" Bella… so attuned to my emotions. "Why is that?"

Aro popped into my head at that moment. He was telling me to let someone in. I took a deep breath. Could I? Could I let Bella in? "I'm not used to this," I explained quietly. "I go way beyond the typical definition of loner. I've never had a friend."

Instead of calling bullshit or scoffing at me, Bella remained deep in thought. "Eighteen years of loneliness is enough, Edward. You do have a friend. I'm so happy that you think of me that way, because you are really special to me. You don't have to be alone."

I gave her a half-assed smile. "It's more comfortable that way. Honestly."

"You don't want to be friends?"

_Here we go, Aro. I hope you're right about this!_ "It scares me. A little… um… a lot, actually. People make their judgements about me based on appearance, and that's one thing. If I let someone really know me and they react like everyone else does, that would kill me. I'm not very stable."

"I think you are," she countered without hesitation. "I think you're very strong. I don't know anyone else who could keep all that you do to themselves for this length of time." She smiled broadly. "I feel so special to have the privilege of really knowing you. Best of all, I get to make everyone jealous by being the only girl to ever win your friendship. I won't ever abuse it, Edward. I won't make you regret opening up to me this way. I swear."

"You might regret it though," I taunted.

"Never."

The seriousness of her vow is what kept me from falling apart after she went to my sister's room for the night. I knew she would never hurt me. Not intentionally.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Have I mentioned how thrilled I am to have you all along with me on this one? Loving your comments. :-) Also loving my fix-up and support crew, msj and Shug. *mwah*_

_I want to reiterate that this is told from Edward's perspective. Anyone who knows a thing about anxiety issues knows that a person's perception can be very skewed from reality. In short, the people in Edward's life do not see him the way he sees himself. I want to give him a shake and firm talking-to, but he's got to believe in himself before he'll trust other's views. Thanks for reading! XX ~ SR_


	4. Chapter 3

_A/N ~ I just did the most rapid final edit to update extra early for a very specific reason. My apologies to Shug if I've disgraced her skillful edits by messing anything up in my haste. ;) See you again after the chapter._

* * *

><p><em><strong>True Love Way<strong>_

**Chapter 3**

Part of our plan for the twins' birthday was to fool them with two celebrations. The first one was on their birthday. As promised, I woke Rosalie with by jumping on her bed at 6 am. She then beat me with a pillow until Jazz came and rescued me. We made a fort with her bed sheets like we used to do when we were kids and told dirty jokes. Much more sophisticated than the knock-knock jokes we used to tell.

The three of us, along with Bella and Emmett, drove to Port Angeles after a family lunch and caught a concert on the pier. That was perfect. I could lose myself in a crowd if I didn't stand out. I wasn't self-conscious there at all. There was an all-ages club nearby, so I was the purse-and-drink-minder in our booth while the four of them danced. I didn't grumble and tried not to look bored. This was their idea of a good time, and it was their night, not mine. They returned to the table after about an hour, red-faced and sweaty, to announce that we were going to hit up Cosmic Bowling next.

This bowling alley switched to neon and strobe lighting after 11 pm and blasted the music. I hadn't bowled since Jazz and Bella began dating, but I had to admit I kind of missed it. I was much more relaxed now, and so I made the most of my bowling inadequacy by being a clown. There were three alleys between us and the nearest group, and it was dark. They were too busy doing their own thing to be bothered watching us anyway. I bowled left-handed and backwards. I took granny shots from between my legs. I walked the alley like a plus-sized runway model, and finished the game off with my version of a Cosmic raver. Bella had tears on her cheeks from laughing so hard. I loved that I could make her laugh in a good way.

The next day was trickier – this was the big bash with all of their friends from school. It was the one I dreaded. I did not want to go. I was already thinking of ways to get out of it. I had done my part in the planning, and I would get them to the beach somehow, but I honestly didn't know if I could make it through that sort of party.

I was doing some editing on my computer when an email from Bella came through.

'_Dude – Charlie went and made plans to go fishing on his days off. His friend has a boat. I don't want to go! And he doesn't want me leaving and coming into the empty house late. WTF? What am I gonna do?'_

Just seeing her name in my inbox made me smile. I typed out my reply.

'_Simple. Tell him you'll stay with us. I'll clear it with my mom. Tell him you're doing a sleepover with Rose for her birthday.'_

I got a smiley face response and went out to gain my mother's approval. She called Charlie at once and invited Bella to spend the night with Rose.

'_All systems go, B. Get yer butt over here!' _

It was going to be harder to get out of the party with Bella here – I didn't want to fake an illness and not be around her. Then again, it may be easier since she would be here to actually get them to the beach. In the end, I didn't have to make the choice – my sister did it for me.

"Hey, you. Can I come in for a sec or are you doing something important?"

I closed my Word files and waved her in. "What's up?"

"You've got a new message. Who's emailing? Have you got a girlfriend?"

I rolled my eyes at her, but blushed just the same. "It's Bella. Her dad's going fishing for a couple of days. Mom invited her to stay with us."

Her eyes widened. "Cool! But why is she emailing you about it instead of me?"

_Think, think! Don't blow it!_ "She hit the wrong 'Cullen' with her first sent message. I guess she didn't want to be rude and blow me off."

My sister took a seat on my bed, spinning me around to face her. "You know, I think Bella is the best thing the three of us ever had come into our lives. She's great for all of us. I love that you two are particularly close. It's like you have this unspoken bond. You can be yourself with her and not freak out. It's so great." Her smile extended to her eyes. I could tell she was holding back tears. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about actually. Thank you for last night. It was so much fun! Do you know that my best gift ever was not only having you come out with us, but having the real you out there with us. Jazz and I know how cool you are, but you don't let others see that – last night, you did. That made me so happy, Edward. I want you to be happy. I want you to have fun and be crazy with us. Can we do that again? On a regular basis? It doesn't have to be in Port Angeles, but I really want to spend time with you before we all go off to college."

So much for getting out of the party. There was no way I could disappoint my sister that way.

Bella and I cooked up a plan after dinner. She initiated it.

"I feel like S'mores. Like, I have a really mad craving for them."

Jasper jumped right in, as we anticipated. "We've got chocolate. I don't know about those cracker things though."

"We can crank up the fire pit out back if we do," Rose suggested.

Bella scrunched up her face. "Fire pit S'mores are not the same. They have to be done on the beach. Right, Edward?"

"The fire pit is less sandy," I replied with nonchalance. We agreed that if I looked eager to go, it would tip them off.

"The store's still open. We can pick up the stuff on the way!"

"Beach S'mores…" Rose moaned as she rubbed her tummy. "Let's do it!"

"Seems like a lot of work for chocolate marshmallows," Jasper jeered. "I'm kinda comfy here. You can bring me mine when it's ready."

Bella gave him a slap from one side, and Rose got him from the other. I laughed at their teamwork.

"Don't be so unmotivated, Jazz. You'll end up like me."

"Being you is not so bad. I could handle being you for tonight. I'm dog-assed tired, man. Hook me up with a pillow and a laptop. I'll chill while you all make S'mores."

"I'm not making S'mores in the backyard," Bella insisted. "And you're not sitting here on your ass while we go to the beach." This was unexpected. Jazz was up for anything at any time.

"Of course he's not," Rose declared. "He's coming. But I'm not going unless Edward comes with us."

"Shit, Rose. I hate the beach!" I couldn't give in too easily.

"It's getting dark already. You won't get burnt. Come on. Get your shoes on!"

"I'm in my sweat pants. At least let me change –"

"Nope! You'll back out. Or throw yourself down the stairs or something. You're coming just like that."

Bella covered her mouth to stop a laugh. I had on my fat pants. Seriously. They were years old and purchased when I was at my heaviest. They hung on me now, but I loved them for their comfort. I _NEVER_ left the house in them.

"Come on! It's dark. No one will see you!"

We picked up our supplies, as well as Emmett, and headed to the beach. Bella snickered at me as I mumbled about not being around for their nineteenth and burning these pants when we got home.

"Damn, the beach is packed tonight! What the fuck?" Emmett acted like he was surprised by the crowd and Bella and I played along until my observant siblings began noticing how many cars they recognized. Their friends had also constructed a huge '18' out of driftwood near the blazing fire. They were rushed as soon as they got out of the car, but Rosalie hung back to talk to me.

"God, Edward! You did this! You knew! And I made you come out like this… I feel so bad. You don't have to do this."

I smiled at her with all the love that I felt. "Yes, I really do. Don't you know yet? I'd do anything for you. Happy birthday, little sister. Now you know how much I love you."

More determined than ever to make Rose happy, I did my absolute best to blend in and not need them to rescue me. It helped having four of them to wander around with, and I still disappeared for short stints when I got overwhelmed. All in all, it wasn't too bad.

"Ed, any time you want to go, just let me know. I'll take you home and come back. It's not a problem."

I shook my head at my brother. "I'm fine. Just go and have fun."

He gave me his unsure smirk, watching my body language closely. "It's not that I don't want you here. I do. This means a lot. I just don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"I'm in my comfy pants, Jazz. Couldn't be any more comfortable." I snapped the extra-large waistband for comedic effect. "I believe your girlfriend wanted S'mores? I'll go get the stuff from the car. You get Bella."

There had to be fifty kids on the beach, and half of them joined us at the fire. When we ran out of graham crackers and still had two bags of marshmallows, someone suggested a challenge.

"Chubby Bunny?" Bella appeared beside me. "What's that?"

I chuckled. "You have to try to say 'chubby bunny' around marshmallows in your mouth. The person who can get the most in and still say it, wins. Our mom would never let us do it because it can be a choking hazard."

"Doesn't sound too difficult."

"I say we do it!" Jasper wrapped an arm around both of us. "We're legal now. Well, two of us are." He winked at Bella. "I'm gonna do it. You in, Bella?"

"It's disgusting." She made a gagging face that made me laugh. "But okay… if you guys are, then I will."

Jasper motioned for me to step aside. "Dude, I don't know if it's a good idea if you do this."

"What? You think I'm gonna choke, don't you? Christ, Jazz… put on a skirt and an apron. You're a little Mom."

Normally, he would've punched me as brothers do. He didn't punch me and he didn't laugh. He just looked concerned.

"I promise I won't choke. I'll quit before I choke. I've got a huge mouth anyway. I'm made for this game."

The moment I joined the challenge circle, I realized why my brother had been hesitant to let me do this. There were snickers from the onlookers and the comments began in the dark.

"Cullen came in his chubby bunny pants."

"It's the only place he does come!"

"You all should give up. Cullen's had lots of practice shoving in food."

"But not talking!"

Jasper looked at me for my reaction. There was pity in his eyes. Taking a deep breath, I spoke out. "So who's starting this thing?"

Bella took my arm and gave it a little squeeze. The game began on the opposite side of the circle. Five jumbo marshmallows was the top count when it got to Jasper. Mike held the title so far – in truth, we were pretty much the same build except I was taller. I wasn't the only chubby bunny in the pack.

Jazz managed four before gagging, and passed the turn to Bella. She was laughing so hard, she couldn't get the third one in. Then it was my turn. A slew of thoughts ran through my mind: _Please don't let me choke. Just be normal. Everyone else got laughed at too – it's part of the game. Just be normal for once. Be normal for Jasper. Do it. And don't choke! _

I took one long breath through my mouth and popped the first one in. "Chubby bunny."

Two. "Chubby bunny." No problem. Bella giggled beside me.

Three. "Chubby bunny." This was so my game. I was owning it.

Four. "Ch –" I stopped to poke the others aside further. "Chubby bunny."

"You look like a hamster!" Bella was in stitches beside me.

"He looks like a giant blowfish!" A faceless voice called out with cackles following.

My heart pounded and I could feel the sweat beginning on my forehead. _Just do it! Don't listen! Don't be a pussy!_ I snorted, thinking that anyone who played this ridiculous game was a pussy – I wasn't alone in that. The marshmallows moved with the snort. _Okay. No snorting. That's not good._ I used my finger and tongue to push them around and squeezed in the fifth. "Chubby buddy."

"That counts!" Jasper called out. "Mike wasn't exactly clear on his last one either! Tied at five! Go, bro!"

I managed a good breath through my nose, hoping it would work like my breathing exercises did to ease anxiety. The sixth, and so far winning marshmallow, was in my hand. I managed to get it in, even managed to utter something closely resembling 'chubby bunny' and then it all went wrong.

"Bet he's had a lot of practice with his mouth full."

"And the white shit dripping down his chin!"

I gagged as Jasper handed me the next marshmallow. I hated putting him in this position yet again. He was always ready to pounce on anyone who upset me, but at the start of high school, I'd specifically asked him not to make a big scene out of it when people teased me. I didn't want to come between him and his friends, nor did I want to be a bigger spectacle. I was better at ignoring them, however. I could tell my brother wasn't having an easy time with it tonight.

"Ohhh, Cullen prefers salty over sweet by the look of it!"

The laughter was different. It wasn't the same camaraderie the game had for everyone else. I'd known it all along, but now it was unbearable, as was the look in Jasper's eyes. Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. My nose just gave up trying and my instinct was to gasp for a breath. Melting marshmallows shut that airway down. I coughed and sputtered in an attempt to get any air at all. I refused to choke. I wouldn't choke, dammit! My only other option was to expel. I turned my back to the circle and let the marshmallows fall from my mouth. They didn't seem to be coming out fast enough and my body was still struggling to get some air into my lungs. In the middle of it all, my glasses fell from my face. I felt hands on my back, and Jasper's soothing voice telling me to relax and breathe slowly through my nose. He plucked my glasses from the gooey pile in the sand.

I tried to breathe, and the remaining marshmallow mush slipped back towards my throat. I gagged it out and attempted to expel the remainder with my tongue. It worked a little too effectively and suddenly I was full-on vomiting. _Fuck!_ _Why did I have to be the first to upchuck?_

"It's better than choking, dude," Jasper reminded me as I wiped my mouth. He was holding my shoulders but I could still feel hands lightly rubbing my back.

Oh god… it was Bella. Bella was watching me puke marshmallows. Another heave came from deep within and was violently expelled. Tears came with that one. The tears pissed me off so much that I forgot to do the deep breathing and I was headed for a total anxiety attack. I stumbled around my mess and dashed for the cover of some boulders a little way down the beach. My legs were shaking furiously and I was choking back sobs. I needed to be alone, but my brother was right there, holding me up. He knew where I was heading. Bella went to my other side and together they rushed me towards my hiding place where I collapsed, struggling to breathe and gain some control.

Jasper asked Bella to go to the car and get me some water. If I could breathe, I would've kissed him for sending her away.

"I… I'm sorry, Jazz."

"Shhh. Nothing to worry about, man. You'll be okay. I'm right here."

"Ruined… I ruined it… your party…"

"Nah. My party was last night. This is a gathering of buffoons. Of which, you are the clear winner."

I had to laugh at that one. He joined me. The problem with laughter and me is that sometimes my body doesn't accept it. Sometimes, it rejects the giddiness and converts it to sobs. I could be such a girl. So I sat there on the beach, with marshmallow vomit on my chin and my brother holding me like a moron while I sobbed and snorted, hiccupped and laughed, and just tried to fucking breathe. It was ugly. It got uglier when Rosalie came upon us.

"Edward? What's wrong?"

Jasper replied for me. "Behold, the Chubby Bunny champion."

She let out a gasp and began pelting our brother with slaps. "You're such an idiot! Why did you let him do that?"

"Hey, hey, hey! Relax! It was his choice. Chill out!"

"Chill out? What the fuck happened?"

I had to speak out for Jasper. This was ridiculous. I pulled my shit together and sat up straight. "I panicked. I couldn't breathe and I panicked. That's all."

"And then he –" He made a gagging sound that set my stomach off again. My body knew it was time anyway – I had reached that point in my attack. I leaned to the side to dry heave while my sister moved in to hold me. She was better at it than Jazz, but it was just as humiliating.

"It's like Six Flags all over again," Jasper quipped, trying to lighten the situation.

"Shut up," Rosalie hissed. "This is not cool. You took this too far."

"Shit, Rose! You need to stop acting like Mom and let him grow up. Yeah, it sucks that it turned out this way, but it was fun until that point. Didn't you have fun, Ed?"

Another retch was my unwanted reply. Aside from my hollow spews, there were no other sounds from my siblings. They were in silent mode. At that point, I just wanted to get home. I couldn't take their silence and pity. I wished I had my malachite stone with me. If I hadn't been in my fat pants, I would have it. I always kept it in my pocket with the lemonade cap when I went out. At home, it was either beside me on my desk, or under my pillow. I drew strength from it, and at that moment, I needed all the strength I could get.

~ 0 ~

"That was the first anxiety attack in a long time," I professed to Aro. "I've been doing better."

"You have, I agree. What concerns me is what brought it on. I tend to think it had more to do with the environment than the – what was it that you called it? Cute Bunny?"

"Chubby," I corrected sullenly. "Chubby Bunny. Look, my brother has spent eighteen years babysitting me – making sure I was comfortable and whatever – in every situation. For once, I wanted him to just have a good time without worrying about me. It all went wrong. I messed it up for him."

Aro remained silent while he studied me with pursed lips. He disagreed with my statement.

"Okay, I'll save you the trouble. I know that it's not my responsibility to make things right for him. Or my sister, for that matter."

"Do you honestly think that they believe you're a burden to them, Edward? Do you think they feel as though they're taking care of you? What about turning those thoughts around? What if they genuinely want you around in whatever capacity you're capable of? What if they enjoy you as you are?"

So many questions. Ugh. I sighed as a response.

"Let me tell you what I see, okay? I see a brother and sister who love you just as they love each other. I don't think they're doing anything more for you than they would each other. And I don't think they expect anything from you that makes you unhappy. I believe they want you to be happy, Edward. That's all."

"And I am when I'm just with them!" I insisted.

Aro nodded. "I believe we've reached that conclusion. And you know what that says to me, don't you?"

I nodded, sullen once more.

"Edward, social anxiety is not uncommon. I'm proud of you for making the attempts you have to conquer it. I feel certain your siblings are proud as well. I truly believe that we've reached the point where we should try out some medication. I know you're reluctant, and I would never insist on it, but I truly feel that you would have success at this point. We'll continue working on it together, and you've shown that you have the desire to be more involved socially. It could help you to feel more at ease. It would benefit you with school about to begin as well. What do you think?"

"I'm fine at school. I don't have a problem there."

Aro raised an amused eyebrow.

I arched mine in return. "I don't. People leave me alone there, just as I like it. I don't have a problem presenting in class. I ignore them, they ignore me. It works just fine."

"Wanting to be ignored is an indication of social anxiety, Edward. I would never force you to do something you're not comfortable with, but I would like you to consider it. We can talk about it again whenever you're ready."

When our session ended, I was surprised to see Jasper parked in front of the building. He was leaning against the car, waving at me. "I'm here to rescue you. Mom was on her way and talking about a mother/son evening." He pretended to hang himself.

I chuckled at the demonstration. "I owe you."

"Great. You can pay for the pizza. We're kidnapping you."

_We?_ I noticed Bella in the car for the first time. She smiled and gave me a wave before climbing over the seat to let me in the front. It was the first time I'd seen her since the night of the party. She had stayed over, as arranged, but I'd locked myself in my room with a migraine.

Feeling the need to prove myself not only to Jasper but to Aro as well, I went along. I merely picked at my food, not having much of an appetite. We headed over to the bowling alley after dinner, meeting up with Rosalie and Emmett.

"I told you I was going to bring back bowling night!" Bella taunted me with a smile as we waited to get our shoes. The other three had taken off to the arcade, leaving us to sign out shoes for everyone. "How is therapy going?"

Her question caught me off guard. She blushed furiously as my head turned towards her.

"Sorry! If that's too personal, I understand. I was just wondering. I know you said months ago that you liked being alone after your sessions, and here we are, kidnapping you. Is this okay?" Her words came out in a rush, putting me at ease immediately.

I offered her a grin. "It's okay. You just surprised me. No one really asks… except my mom." I paused while we were handed five pairs of shoes. I took three pairs and headed towards our reserved lane. I could have avoided the topic altogether, but for some reason, I was drawn to opening up with her right then. "So, my therapist wants me to discuss medication with my doctor. He feels it would help with social anxiety."

I looked down at her feet as she kicked off her sneakers. She was wearing striped socks in loud colours. Catching me staring, she laughed and wiggled her toes. "Laundry day. All my normal socks were dirty. You don't even want to know what kind of underwear I had to resort to."

I felt my face burn red just thinking of Bella's underwear. I had to look away.

"Medication, huh?" She returned to the old topic casually as she laced her shoes. "How do you feel about that?"

"Pretty shitty. I was on something when I was younger. They thought I had ADD or something. I hated it. It made me act completely different, and I had no control over what I was doing. I don't ever want to feel like that again."

"I thought it was supposed to make you calmer," she remarked.

I nodded. "It is. I'm a freak. It had the total opposite effect on me. I was all edgy and doing shit I'd never do. Then when they took me off it, I got really sick. All I wanted to do was sleep. I couldn't eat. I just felt… numb. I hated that, too."

"I can see why you're not so eager to try something else." Her words and gentle smile showed me that she understood. "It might be different now. But I'd be afraid to try it, too. Your therapist should come out with us sometime, and see how you are with our group. I think he'd be surprised."

I was surprised by her statement. I thought for sure she'd see my efforts with them as forced and unnatural, mainly because I spent most of our time as a group trying not to stare at Bella.

"Edward, I wanted to ask you something."

"Sure," I mumbled as I bent to tie my shoes. The blood rushed to my head, and bending knocked the wind out of me. I tucked the laces in quickly rather than tying them so I wouldn't tip over. Standing was better.

"I was really worried about you last week. After the party. Does that happen to you a lot?"

"What? Someone worrying about me?" I chuckled. "Sure. I make my family worry all the time."

She swatted my shoulder. "I'm being serious for a minute. Was that an anxiety attack?"

Chewing on the inside of my lip, I nodded. She may as well know the real me. "It used to happen more often. Not so much anymore. I'm sorry you saw that. I don't like freaking people out." I wanted to tell her that her gift had kept me from several episodes. Anytime in the past couple of months that I felt it about to come on, I'd turn it over in my pocket, running my fingertips on it until I was soothed. I didn't get it out before the others joined us and our game began, thereby ending my little discussion with Bella.

We played two games before the arcade beckoned my siblings back. Bella and I stayed back while they had their rematch. I was teasing her about her socks as we approached the shoe counter.

"Ah, this couple has a size seven. Good timing!" The man at the counter accepted our return and handed Bella's shoes over to the couple who were waiting.

"I don't know if it was the shoes or my funky socks, but I was on fire!" Bella laughed as she addressed the other couple. "You may wipe the floor with him tonight! This guy had no hope." She pinched my side, rubbing my nose in my loss good-naturedly. All I could think about was how she hadn't disputed the assumption that we were a couple. It felt damned good.

Feeling bold, I tugged on Bella's arm, pulling her towards the snack booth. "Loser buys the drinks," I quipped as I pulled my wallet out.

"No way! You bought the pizza. Drinks are my treat. It's the least I can do after making you suffer through a night of my electric socks and Disney underwear."

_Disney? Good lord__…_ My hands went into my pockets, instantly finding the lemonade cap in one and the stone in the other. In an effort to distract my mind from her underwear once more, I thought up the look on her face during our earlier conversation. I liked how she displayed concern more than pity. She should know she put me at ease just by being her. "Bella, I have to say something…"

"I'm too old for Disney panties, I know."

I chuckled and took our drinks off the counter. I decided to keep my thought to myself. Bella was in a silly mood, and I really liked that too.

She took a long swallow of her Coke. "What were you going to say?"

"I really like your socks. I think they're cool."

Bella cracked up. Her whole face lit up as she giggled uncontrollably. "You're crazy. But I'll add these to my usual sock rotation in your honour, because I think _you're_ cool."

~ 0 ~

I was regretting my decision to remain med-free on the first day back to school. My stomach was in knots seeing everyone for the first time since the Chubby Bunny incident. My siblings were at odds with each other on how to handle me – Rose kept assuring me that it was forgotten, while Jasper insisted that it would be better if _she'd_ forget and just drop it. I knew from experience that some amount of teasing would be heading my way. My preference was to get it over with.

I had to wait until lunch for the inevitable. Jasper had some athletics meeting, so it was only Rosalie and Bella with me at a table in the corner. If the girls heard the snickering and whispers, they didn't acknowledge it. I was super aware of it anyway. Some clown actually brought a bag of marshmallows, and they waited until Rose left the table to begin tossing them at me. The first one hit my shoulder and landed on the table. Bella turned around and scowled before sliding her chair closer to me. Another one narrowly missed my head.

"Ignore them," I muttered, staring at my plate. "You don't have to stay here with me."

"I'm not letting them ruin our lunch," she stated firmly before changing the subject to our two shared classes in the afternoon.

"We should just go," I suggested when they continued to lob marshmallows in my direction.

"No. It's not right. You're just sitting here, not bothering them at all. They're the jackasses. Don't let them chase you off, Edward. Besides… you haven't commented on my attire. I dressed especially for you today."

She was wearing a Metallica t-shirt and jeans. Nothing stood out as being 'for me'. Grinning, she kicked off a shoe and held up her socked foot. They were different from the bowling ones, but just as wild. These ran from deep purple stripes to electric blue, with various purple and blue tones in between.

I grinned at her. "Awesome. Where did you find those?" A handful of marshmallows flew our way. Before I knew it, Bella's striped sock was off, and she was digging at one of the mushy blobs on the floor. "What are you doing?"

"This is so totally weird, but when I was a kid, my aunt, my gran and I used to have toe challenges. I lived with them before I moved back here. I don't know if you know that… anyway, we'd have challenges to see who could pick up what and walk with it between our toes. I've never attempted a full-sized marshmallow. Only minis."

I stared at her incredulously before turning my gaze back to her foot. She was working hard at getting it pinched enough to wedge in. "This is so weird!" I couldn't help but laugh.

"You're not the only one who knows marshmallow games," she retorted.

"I'm not playing with you, just so you know."

She huffed and then beamed proudly as she lifted her foot to the table. "Success! Someday you'll play the toe game with me. You know it. Ew! Look how dirty this is!" She plucked it from her toes and flung it over her head, just as Mrs Cope walked by. I dropped my head to the table, never wanting to be invisible more than at that moment.

~ 0 ~

"Twelve years," I whispered to Bella after school. "You managed to earn me my very first detention in twelve years."

"You're welcome," she whispered back with a snicker. We both glanced up at Mr Douglas. He had the newspaper spread open on his desk, but his eyes were closed. He clearly didn't care what we did in detention. "So, yeah, I lived with my gran after we left my dad. I guess Renee, my mom, didn't really factor in how much Charlie actually did for me. I was too much work for her on her own. Once we were settled in with Gran and my Aunt Katie, she took off."

"She left you?" I asked, full of interest. I'd had many conversations with Bella over the past year, but she'd never said anything so personal before. "Why didn't she just bring you back to your dad?"

"He couldn't have done it alone either… not with his job. It was fine. It was actually the two best years of my life until now. My mom is very unsettled. I think she had me too young. She's still trying to grow up. I don't think I ever want to have kids. Do you?"

I stared at her. I'd never imagined a future with myself involving kids. "I don't know. I figured I'd kind of have to have a date before I'd start thinking of procreating."

She smiled at me warmly. "You'd have really cute babies. But that's not a good enough reason to _procreate_. I think you'll have more than one. You're so close with Jasper and Rose – I can't see you only having one kid. You'll give them best friends to grow up with, like you've had."

"I don't know about that." I shook my head, laughing softly. I couldn't imagine anyone ever having sex with me, let alone doing it more than once.

"I know why my parents didn't have more – they shouldn't have even had me – but I sure wish I had a sibling or two. It would take the pressure off. My mom's been bugging me to go back to Phoenix."

My jaw dropped. The thought of Bella leaving drove a knife into my gut. "What?

Her eyes dropped to the desk in front of us. Her hands folded together as she cracked several knuckles. "Gran is pretty sick. She has Alzheimer's. It's advanced really quickly. Mom and Aunt Kate are both there to tend to her now, so they're not putting her in a home or anything…" The knuckle cracking ceased, but she began chewing on her lip. "I'm thinking they don't figure she'll be around much longer. At least, not the Gran I know."

I hated the idea of Bella leaving. Hated it. "How do you feel about that? Do you want to go?"

She sighed heavily and took a long time to respond. "I honestly don't know. I don't want to leave. I feel like I've just settled in here. I feel like I belong here. I'm comfortable with Charlie, and I love your family. I've never had a boyfriend before Jazz. I don't want to leave him now." She graced me with a small smile, even though her eyes welled with unshed tears. "I don't want to leave any of you. I also don't want to miss my last opportunity with Gran. Renee says she calls her Bella. She's already that confused."

"Or you mean that much to her," I suggested in a soft voice. The pools in her eyes finally rolled out, and she squeezed her eyes shut. "I meant that to be consoling, Bella. I didn't want to upset you more. I'm sorry."

Suddenly, her arms were around me, and her head nestled in against my neck. "You're making it even harder for me to want to leave," she whispered and then snorted wetly. I stiffened even more, unsure of what to do with myself. One arm reached around her shoulder and patted her. A few more snorts and she released me, now in control of her emotions. She wiped at her nose and smiled at me. "Thanks for listening, Edward. Please don't say anything to Jasper. I haven't told him I'm even considering it yet."

"I won't say a word. You can tell me anything, Bella."

Mr Douglas folded his paper, leaned back and yawned loudly. "I think we're done here, folks. No more food fights – do we agree?"

Bella and I stood, grabbing our books with enthusiastic nods.

"I can give you a drive home, if you want." The school had emptied out, and I was enjoying my time with Bella so much, I didn't want it to end.

"Thanks, but I think I'll wait for Jazz. He was meeting with the coach. He should be done soon."

I shuffled my feet, nodding. "Okay. Well, I guess I'll see you."

"Sorry for making you get detention – ruining your perfect record."

I chuckled. "Detention with you isn't nearly what I thought it would be. Make sure you wash those toes really well. They've got to be sticky."

I expected a laugh, what I got was another hug. Her arms wrapped around my middle and she rested her head against my heart, squeezing me briefly before running off towards the gym. I didn't move until she was out of sight. In my car, I practiced my breathing exercises before attempting to drive. She couldn't leave now. Could she?

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Hi again! Was my hasty edit a trainwreck? I had another chuckle at my Canadianism that got eliminated in this one. Does anyone else refer to graham crackers as wafers? Am I alone on this? LOL No, that's not the reason I've updated super early, I just get a kick out of little things like that. _

_So here's the deal - I'm not on Twitter or Facebook, 'cause I'm totally lame. This is my only way to pimp out a fic, so if you're not into fic pimping, see you next chapter. :-) _

_If you want in on a great read, the awesome ladies at tehlemonadestand(dot)blogspot(dot)com have noticed my favourite fic and I am super excited about it! msj2779 prereads for me for a reason - I LOVE her writing! I am such a fangirl. Truly. I also have the honour of prereading her newest, that is currently on TLS poll, Consign Me Not to Darkness. I'm hoping TLS will bring her more readers and now, I'm pimp, pimp, pimping in my own little way. It's in my faves if you want to go directly to the story, orrrrrr, better yet, check out TLS and follow their link to many great reads, along with msj's. If you agree that this is the most underrated fic of the year thus far, show her some love! _

_Much love to all of you, too. As always, thanks for reading. XX ~ SR_


	5. Chapter 4

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 4**

Bella didn't mention moving to Phoenix again, but she did spend the holidays there. I almost didn't expect her to return. Rose spent a lot of time with Emmett, leaving me with a sullen Jasper. He urged me to keep his mind occupied, and off of Bella. The problem was, the more time I spent with him, the more _I_ thought of her, and that didn't seem right. Each night, I berated myself for thinking of my brother's girlfriend so much. Sure, we were friends too, but if I was completely honest, I cared for her more than anyone I'd ever known outside of family. It wasn't right.

The jealousy I felt upon her return wasn't right either. Jasper never took his hands off her, and I felt a surge of anger every time she was in his bedroom. Thankfully, I hadn't heard any of the telltale sounds emitting from the room like I had when Jasper used to entertain Maria in there. I knew it was inevitable – they'd been dating for over a year – but it wasn't something I felt I could deal with in any way.

Aro had stopped bringing up medication during our sessions, but I knew I hadn't heard the last of it. He sensed a new anger in me, but I managed to avoid confessing the true reason behind it. No one could know my true feelings. It wouldn't help me any to admit it, and it would hurt those involved. No good could come of it. I ended up telling him I was anxious over the end of high school approaching. Rosalie and Jasper were submitting applications to several universities, and I hadn't even thought about what I'd be doing. When I returned home from one session, I found Rosalie in the kitchen with Emmett. They were working on another submission for her.

"Hey! Mom left dough and toppings for us to make our own pizzas. You hungry?"

I grabbed an apple and a can of Diet Coke, shaking my head. "Not really. I'll throw something together later on."

As I headed for the stairs, I heard Emmett call out. "You should probably make some noise going up the stairs. Bella's up there with Jazz."

"Thanks," I grumbled and proceeded to stomp up each step, pounding out my anger with each one. Anger surged, directed at my father for being at work so much and my mother for going out at this particular time. They had to be aware that their son was sexually active – how could they leave him unattended with Bella? She was underage. She'd never dated anyone before Jasper. Was I the only one who felt protective of her?

I could hear Bella's soft laugh when I reached my room. Jasper's door was closed. I slammed mine behind me and put on my headphones to drown out any other noises I may hear. I fired up my laptop, and glanced at the snack my mother had left for me with a note:

'_Hi honey! Hope things went well with Aro. I know you don't have much of an appetite after your sessions, but I knew you'd like this. Please eat. Love you, Mom'_

It was beside a plate of apple-coffee cake. I looked at it and then down at my flabby gut before shoving the plate aside. That wouldn't help. I cranked up the music and pounded away on the keyboard, letting words fill my head that had nothing to do with Bella possibly kissing my brother across the hall. Page after page of words that had nothing to do with Jasper possibly having his hands on Bella's private bits poured out. Absent-mindedly, I reached for a slice of the cake. It was remarkably good – as usual. I finished it off and had half of the second slice on route to my mouth when I felt something on my shoulder. The cake dropped, and I bit my cheek. Hard.

"Jesus!" I swung around in my chair, heart pounding. "You scared the shit out of me!"

Bella stood before me, wide-eyed and pale. "I'm sorry! I… I knocked! I swear I did. You mustn't have heard me –"

"Headphones." I grimaced as I tugged them out.

"You sounded upset when you came home, and then you didn't respond when I knocked. I was worried about you. I'm sorry."

My heart was beginning to settle, but I was still breathing rapidly. Bella was too. Her perfectly rounded breasts were heaving in and out right in front of me. That did nothing to calm myself down. I stood abruptly, brushing the cake crumbs from the front of myself and tossing the fallen chunk into the trash can by my desk.

"I over-reacted," I mumbled. "Sorry. I'm fine."

Bella grinned at me and wiped at a crumb at the side of my mouth. "You were really engrossed. What are you working on?"

I sidestepped in front of my laptop. Being caught by surprise, I hadn't shut down the window. "Uh… it's nothing…"

"Therapy stuff?"

I shook my head, my eyes silently pleading with her to let it go.

"I've always wondered what you do in here all by yourself. Are you writing?"

I exhaled, calming my nerves. She wasn't going to drop this. "Yeah. I write sometimes."

Her entire face lit up. "Yeah? Can I read it?"

I began to shake my head. Why did her face have to look so beautiful when she was all excited about something? "It's really not very good."

"What is it? You'd never believe the kind of stuff I read." She was chuckling, tilting her head to the side and looking amazingly adorable.

I wet my lips. They were suddenly as dry as the remaining cake crumbs on my shirt front. "It's just sci-fi stuff… fiction."

"Cool! I love sci-fi! Can I read it when you're done? Please? I'll give you honest feedback. You know I always give it to you straight."

"Bella, you really won't be interested in this. I promise."

Her grin grew. "Is it pornographic?" she asked teasingly. "It is, isn't it!"

"No! It's…" I huffed in frustration, looking towards the door. Jasper was nowhere in sight. I lowered my voice. "I write fan fiction, okay? I know, I know. It's really stupid. Dorky. Just please… _please_ don't say anything to Jazz. He would never let me live it down."

"I won't say a word," Bella vowed. "What fandom?"

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I read… sometimes. Maybe I've already read your stuff."

"You… read fanfic," I stated, rather than asked. "I don't believe you."

"Would I lie to you?" Her lashes flicked as she challenged me with her piercing, dark eyes. "What fandom?"

"Star Wars," I admitted in a whisper. "I just got into some Harry Potter, too. And Dawson' s Creek. Don't judge. Rose got me hooked on it."

Bella moved in, gazing up at me with interest. "Who do you pair Joey up with? Dawson or Pacey?"

"Dawson!" I exclaimed. "They're perfect for each other. They're already best friends. He knows everything about her and there's no self-consciousness. It's not just a physical thing, or lust. They love each other. They are meant to be together."

She looked at me thoughtfully and then turned to leave. "I think it's cool… that you write. Oh, and Rose said to tell you pizza's ready."

"You never told me who you think Joey should be with," I called after her.

"Dawson," she called back. "All the way."

~ 0 ~

"Edward!"

I heard my name being shouted out in the hallway after school and smiled, recognizing the voice. I opened my locker as I looked her way. "Need a ride?"

"Um, yeah, that would be awesome! Wait for me? I just have to grab a book from my locker."

I finished up and hurried around the corner to meet Bella. She was already rushing back to mine, and we slammed into each other. I gripped her by the shoulders so she wouldn't topple over. I was a hell of a lot larger than she was.

"You okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah, let's just go." She looped her arm through mine and trotted towards the exit. "Quick! I don't want Jasper to see us."

The guilt thing slammed me down. I frequently gave my brother's girlfriend a drive home when he was busy, but we'd never evaded him before. It felt wrong. I shouldn't be spending time with Bella without him knowing. My brother would never do that to me.

"Edward!" Bella used a coaxing voice and tugged on me when I slowed down. "Come on! I need to talk to you, and I don't want Jazz to know about it."

Inside I was hesitant, but her pleading eyes coerced me straight to the parking lot and into my car. I cranked up the heat, rubbing my hands together. I could feel a cold coming on. February was always a nasty month for me. The familiar tickle in the back of my throat told me I was in for it. Sniffling, I backed out of my spot and headed for the Swan house.

"Thanks for coming along, no questions asked. I really need your help."

Her grandmother came to mind instantly. Was she going to ask me to tell Jasper that she was leaving? Could I do that without losing it myself? For Bella, I would.

"So, Valentine's is in three days, and I don't have anything for Jasper."

I let out a laugh. Bella frowned at me. "Seriously? That's what this is about? I thought you had a major problem."

"I do! Please be serious, Edward. Do you know what he got me?"

I shook my head. "Nope. And even if I did, I wouldn't tell you."

She growled at me. "This is so fucked up. Everything is so geared towards women, it's easy for you guys to pick something great. I have no idea what to get Jazz."

I shrugged. "You don't have to get him anything, Bella. Guys aren't really into the whole mushy part of it."

"I can't accept a gift and have nothing to give in return. Can you tell him to not get me anything?"

"Absolutely not!" I chuckled. "First of all, you deserve to be treated nicely on Valentine's. Secondly, I know he's already planned something, I just don't know what. I'm not telling him to go cheap on you."

"It's not being cheap, it's saving my life!" she insisted with the melodrama I'd seen other girls at school use frequently. "Okay, if you won't do that, can you at least give me an idea of what to get him? I don't think he's the cute little stuffed animal sort of guy."

I snorted in response.

"You're not being very helpful."

"Well, the last time I bought a guy a Valentine's gift was… never."

Bella's laugh filled the car. "Okay, what would you like from your girl?"

_My girl, that's a laugh._ "A heartbeat?"

"Edward! Stop!" She slapped my arm but still giggled. "Seriously. I really need help."

"Okay… what I would most want is time. That's it. Just being together on a day for couples would be what I'd want. I'd want to show the girl how much I care about her, and if she's there with me… well, that must mean that she cares too. I'd just want to be with my girl." _I'd want to be with you, Bella._

She remained silent. I figured I must have sounded pretty stupid and inexperienced – pathetic, and desperate. I pulled into her driveway and stopped, not daring to look at her.

"You're the sweetest guy I've ever known," she said in a whisper.

I still didn't risk looking at her. My emotions were battling it out inside of me. What I wouldn't give to spend Valentine's Day, or any day, with this perfect girl and hear those words. "I haven't been much help to you. How about this… feed him. Jasper likes to eat. Obviously. Make a special dinner for the two of you. Or dessert even. His favourite is pecan pie. He'd appreciate that more than a stuffed animal or a heart balloon." I tried to chuckle so my heartfail wouldn't show. Giving advice to Bella on how to romance my brother was torture.

Her arms were around my neck in a flash. "You're brilliant, Edward! You're the best! You'll have to tell me your favourite, and someday I'll make it for you. You're the best friend I've ever had." Her lips brushed against my cheek before she released me and hopped out of the car. I had to pull off the road a block or so away until I could breathe properly.

~ 0 ~

I listened half-heartedly to Jasper's account of the special evening Bella prepared for him at her house. She prepared an entire meal for them – everything down to the pecan pie. He gave her a necklace with a small engraved heart: J & B. Personally, I would have put B & E… I mean B & J. Bella should always come first.

"…better than Mom's, I swear…"

He was still talking.

"… I swear, if I don't get me some soon, I'm gonna explode! It's been long enough, don't you think? An entire fucking year I've waited. I never wanted to more than tonight. But I'd be a complete dick if I made a move like that after she made such a sweet night for us, right?"

I nodded stoically. "Complete dick." I knew he wasn't talking about getting pecan pie at this point.

"Mom and Dad are going away for their anniversary next month. I think I'm gonna make my move then. In fact, I know I will! She won't say no now. I've got a really good feeling about this."

He was smiling like a big old cat who'd swallowed a canary.

"We were really close tonight. I mean, really close. No way she'll say no. My drought is coming to an end! In mere weeks!"

He strolled out of my room, and I slammed my head against the wall. "Fan-fucking-tastic."

~ 0 ~

My lovely sister had other plans for Mom and Dad's night out – she gained permission to have a few friends over for a small party. Our parents were agreeable, provided everyone was out by midnight, with nobody driving home drunk, and we cleaned up after ourselves. I focused on the "everyone out by midnight" bit. That meant Bella, too.

"Of course Bella can stay!" Mom crushed my hope right before they left. "In Rosalie's room." She gave my brother a stern look. "Jasper? You listening to me?"

"Sure, Mom! Of course!"

Of course, she believed him. Damn my smooth-talking, believable brother. Curse my all too trusting mother.

"Behave yourselves," Dad warned, backing up Mom before he turned to us with a wink.

A small gathering to my sister meant about ten additional people in the house – too much for my liking, in my mood. I hid out in my bedroom. An hour or so after my escape, there was a knock on my door.

"Edward? It's Bella. Can I come in?"

I sat up on my bed, running my hands through my hair. "Sure. Of course." She entered with her usual smile for me and sat on the end of my bed. "What's up?"

She turned her eyes downward, running her fingers over a pillow I'd tossed at the end. "I got my acceptance to ASU today."

_ASU - Arizona State University. Shit!_ "You're moving to Phoenix then? You made your decision?"

Nodding ever so slightly, she looked up with tear-filled eyes. "Gran is failing fast. There isn't much time left to spend with her. It seems like fate wants me to go to her – this is my first acceptance."

I nodded my understanding. I hated that she'd be leaving, but I understood her reason. "Does Jazz know?"

She shook her head. "I needed to tell you first. You always give me the best advice."

Yeah, sweet guys who are the best friend ever tend to do that. I cleared the massive lump in my throat. "You should tell him. He'd want to know."

"Come with me?"

"To Phoenix?"

Bella laughed, shaking her head. "Downstairs! To tell him. Please?"

I felt my ears burning. That was such a ridiculous thing to blurt out. Why the hell would she want me to go to Phoenix with her? "Rose is there. She'll back you."

"I want _you_. I wore my funky socks for you!" She hoisted a leg and wiggled her toes in her electric, striped socks. "Come on… please? There's none of the assholes down there. Everyone's cool. Come hang out with us. Have some fun. We've only got a few months left together."

Her eyes misted up again, and I was toast. Reluctantly, I followed her down the stairs. I would follow her anywhere she asked me to. The first thing I noticed was the beer bottles. The second was the bottle of vodka in my brother's hand as he poured two drinks.

"All right! She got you out of your hidey-hole! Cool! Drink?" He sipped from one glass and handed Bella the other.

I shook my head. I wanted to ask him what the fuck he thought he was doing, but several people were watching. Did I want to be the fat loser who wrecked a party this way? Certainly not. "Nah. It'll give me a migraine. Where's Rosalie?"

"Outside. A couple of Emmett's friends just got here."

Well, there went my escape. I wanted to be with Rose. I liked Emmett, he was cool with me, but I wasn't nearly as certain about his friends. Bella, sensing my discomfort, pulled me closer. She was sandwiched between me and my brother and looking to me for support.

"So, I should tell you guys while I have you both together… I'm going to Phoenix. I got accepted to ASU, and –"

"You're going? Are you serious?" The ever-present smile on my brother's face fell. "You're not serious."

"I am, Jazz. Gran isn't going to be around much longer –"

"I thought we were going to U-Dub together!"

Bella looked at me pleadingly. The least I could do was support her. "Jasper, Bella's grandmother means a lot to her. You know that. It won't be forever."

"So, what… you're gonna transfer here when she dies?"

"Jazz!" Bella's eyes filled with tears.

"That's not what I meant…" He pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean it that way. It's just… hell, you mean a lot to me too, y'know? Of course you want to be with your gran. I know. We'll make it work, okay?"

"You could apply to ASU?" Bella's voice was weak, but full of hope. My heart plummeted. She'd laughed thinking of me in Phoenix with her, but she was asking Jasper to go. I slipped out of the huddle, needing to escape more than wanting to give them privacy.

"Ed! Hey, man, come here for a sec!" Emmett stopped me before I could reach the safety of the stairs to my room.

"Hey, Emmett. Good to see you."

"I want you to meet my sister! She's staying with me for a few days. Big blow-up at home." He rolled his eyes as he slung his arm around my shoulder, confiding in me. "Girls have so much drama. Things aren't great there – my dad's a real hardass, but she's almost done with high school. She could stick it out a few more months, and then she's outta there. That's what I did."

Emmett was going to college near here, as well as working at the mill to support himself. He was such a happy-go-lucky guy, I'd never realized there was trouble at home. "So she's moving in with you?"

He nodded. "That's the plan. Hopefully at the end of the school year, and not now like she's begging for. It would be a pain in the ass to get her transferred now."

I admired Emmett even more for being so willing to take care of his sister this way, so when he suggested that we hang out with her when the time came, I had to be agreeable. Inside, all I thought of was one in, one out. Bella would be leaving when Emmett's sister joined our little group.

"Anyway, come meet her. And don't let her scare you. She's a bit… um, well… you'll see."

"Hi!" A tiny, dark-haired girl rushed me the moment I walked outside with Emmett. She barely came up to my chest. "I know you've got to be Edward. Rosalie described you perfectly! Oh my god! I looooove your hair! Do you highlight? It goes perfectly with your eyes! Rosalie didn't tell me you have green eyes! I love green eyes! I tried those coloured contacts once… wrecked my eyes. I couldn't see worth doo-doo and they scratched the heck out of one cornea when I was trying to get them out. You're so lucky! You're tall, too. Is everyone here a giant?" She erupted in giggles. "I feel like a Smurf around you guys! Do you know about the Smurfs? It's this old cartoon –"

Emmett shook his head as he grabbed his sister from behind. "Breathe, Smurfette."

She giggled again. "I'm just so excited to meet all of you! Em talks about this family ALL the time! You're like, the perfect family! I fight with my mom all the time, and my dad… ugh! It's so much worse since Emmett moved out. Now I'm stuck there all alone to take two rations of lectures. It's not even like we're horrible kids! You know Emmett! He's the most responsible guy ever. He never does anything wrong. He's like, perfect! And they're on him about everything… or they used to be. I'm in a drama club, and I have to BEG to go to rehearsals. It's not like I'm out raving or anything, I'm with the same group of kids, _acting_! They've known these kids _all_ my life, and they still think they're gonna brainwash me or something. It's ridiculous. I think I've got it worse. Dad made Emmett go out for every sports team, but he's good at that, you know? They wouldn't let me try out for any team, 'cause I'm so little or whatever… I joined a book club, and it was awesome, but I was asked not to come back. Apparently I talk too much. Drama is the best thing that happened to me, because I can talk, and be physical, and I really suck at painting, which was my only other choice. I'm Alice."

Finally! "Hi. I'm Edward, as you guessed. Uh… welcome?" I held my hand out to her. I'd be out of this situation as soon as humanly possible to wash her germs off anyway. She embraced me instead. For a tiny, little thing, she had remarkable squeeze power. I stared at my sister in shock as she held back her laugh.

"Aly, you're cutting off his air supply. Release." Emmett pried her off of me. "Sorry for my sister."

"It's… okay." I gave Alice a grin and took a couple of steps back. Rosalie came to my side and tucked her arm around my waist.

"There will never be a shortage of conversation around this one," she whispered to me with a snicker. "Thanks for doing this. Em says she calms down after she gets to know people. She's just excitable."

"By the way, that big lump over there is my buddy, Sam. The strong, silent type gets eclipsed by the dust cloud of the Tasmanian Devil here. Sam works at the mill with me. He's actually the one who got me the job. He wants to be a firefighter, too."

I noticed the big guy for the time, standing off to the side. He was even bigger than Emmett – total jock. He had muscles showing through his t-shirt that I didn't even know existed. I tore my eyes away from his chest and finally saw his amicable grin.

"How're ya doing, man? Good to know you." He didn't try to crush my hand with his shake, nor did he look at me with disgust or amusement. I relaxed knowing that Emmett chose friends that were more like him than the other musclemen I'd encountered.

We went inside to find Jasper and Bella for their introductions, but they were nowhere in sight. I stuck by Rosalie, and Alice stuck by both of us, chattering endlessly. Bella finally appeared on her own, her eyes swollen and red. She took her intro to Alice like a trooper, though Alice did have enough sense not to full steam with her.

"You okay?" I asked her quietly when Rosalie distracted Alice with a house tour.

She nodded bravely, putting on a little smile. "Jasper's pretty upset. I hate this part. It's going to be so hard leaving all of you."

"Well, don't worry about that right now. No point being sad until then, right? It's like wasted time."

Her grin widened as she nodded. "You always know what to say."

I hummed, doubting her wisdom for the first time. I usually said the wrong thing. "Those socks of yours are kind of leaving me speechless. They're the brightest thing in the room. If we turned off all the lights, we'd have a night club ambience with your feet."

"Oh, shush! You love them!" She was giggling as she did a little dance, flashing her feet.

"Bet I'll still see them even when you're in Phoenix. Like the Northern Lights, only from the south. Bella's Lights. Times two. I'll know when you're out dancing."

"Right! 'Cause I'm such a party girl!"

"Hey, you never know. You and Gran may be hitting the nightlife on a regular basis. I've heard sometimes Alzheimer's patients lose recent memories, but retain some stuff from their youth. Maybe Gran was a party girl. You'll be her wingman… er, woman."

Despite feeling ridiculous talking about her socks at such an intense moment, Bella was bent over in stitches.

"You'd better bring extras of those socks, you know, so I can see Gran getting her groove on too."

"Edward… thank you." Bella gave me the biggest hug yet and didn't let go. "You make me laugh, and you give me hope. I love you for that."

I could hardly form words, but I couldn't just stand there with her that way. I was bound to say something stupid, but silence was worse. I willed myself not to ask if she was wearing her Disney panties too. "Just focus on now, Bella. You'll get through it."

"I shouldn't have told him. This was going to be really special… tonight. Now I've ruined it."

Now, I was speechless. I'd known what Jasper had planned, but Bella had just confirmed that she not only knew his plans, but approved. I also knew my brother. He could get sulky, but it wore off quickly. He'd be back to his usual self soon enough. They would be having sex tonight. Across the hall from me.

"Edward? Please say something."

Her breathy voice was choking me further. For the first time, I thought that her going to Phoenix was the best thing that could happen for me. I couldn't do this. I couldn't sit by and watch her with my brother. I couldn't keep falling for my brother's girl. And I couldn't offer support for them taking this huge step in their relationship.

"Please don't close up on me. I need you. You're the only one who understands me. I really need you, Edward."

_Dammit._ "Hey, there's who you really need… over there." I spotted Jasper being introduced to Alice and turned Bella towards them. "You could never ruin anything. You're perfect… for Jazz. Here, or in Phoenix."

I rushed up the stairs the moment she joined the others. I just couldn't do it anymore. I almost wished I had grabbed the bottle of vodka on my way. My luck, I would be allergic to alcohol and fall into a coma with one drink. I would welcome a coma at the moment. Anything to not think about Bella in my brother's bed. Across the hall. Naked. Or in Disney panties. Fuck.

Pounding on my mattress, I gritted my teeth and forced myself to not think of her that way. She belonged with Jasper – my brother and best friend. The guy who had looked out for me since we were in diapers. The guy who would never hurt me and would walk away from anyone who did after laying into them. _My brother._

At some point I drifted off to sleep, music blaring through my headphones. I awoke when the noise shut off abruptly and shot up in bed.

"Edward! I'm sorry! Didn't mean to scare you." My sister sat on the edge of my bed, running her fingers through my hair as I calmed myself.

"What time is it?"

"Um… after midnight. And I'm trying to get everyone to leave, but it's impossible. I don't know who came with who, and so many of them are drunk. I need your help."

I groaned, flopping back down on my mattress. "Get Jasper to help. He wasn't opposed to serving drinks. Let him fix what he started."

"He's worse than any of them," she said quietly. "Please help me? Emmett's outside with him right now, if you could take over there, I'll get Em to kick everyone out and sort out drives."

"Yeah, yeah… whatever…" I huffed and crawled out of bed. I was still in my jeans and t-shirt, so I just pulled a sweatshirt overtop and went to find my brother, bedhead and all. Rosalie never asked me for help. It was the least I could do.

I anticipated a brooding, drunk Jasper. Instead, I found him completely wound up and excitable – but very unsteady on his feet.

"Ed-die! My man! My bro! Come here, bro. I've gotta tell you something." Emmett braced him as he tried to haul me towards him. "Whatever you said to Bella was perfect. I thought for sure she was gonna back out now that she's planning to leave. But she's into it, man! Tonight… me and her… yeah… I'm gonna have that."

Emmett arched an eyebrow at me. "She's not anywhere in hearing distance, is she?"

I shook my head. She was with Rosalie and Alice when I left the house.

"I'd suggest not announcing that you're 'gonna have that', or there's no way in hell you will." Emmett spoke firmly to Jasper, forcing him stand up straight. "Just a little advice, my friend. Can you behave yourself while I go give the girls a hand clearing this place out?"

"Yeah, man! I'm perfect! Top of the world!" He threw his arms up in the air.

"Ed? You got this?"

"I can handle him. Go help Rose." I led my brother towards the back of the house, urging him to keep his voice down so he wouldn't wake the neighbours. He proceeded to tell me, in detail, what he had planned for later on. I kept checking to make sure Bella wasn't in hearing range. She didn't need to hear any of this. The more he spouted off, the more pissed off I became. Bella deserved better than this.

Rosalie came out to find us after what seemed like an eternity. "Emmett's driving some people home. Alice is crashed on the couch. Bella's cleaning up. We could use your help, guys. Have you got your shit together, Jazz?"

"Absalllutely." His voice was slurred, but he stood tall and certain in front of our sister. "I'm your man. No, I'm Bella's man. Where's my Bella anyway?" He took off in search of her. Rosalie and I followed behind while she thanked me. None of this was my mess to clean up, but here I was.

Jasper was in the kitchen with Bella. She was wringing out a cloth to mop up a spill, and he was hanging on her back, grinding against her as he nibbled on her neck. She was getting annoyed, clearly. He was missing all clues and continued his bump and grind.

Rosalie hauled him off of her, passing him the cloth. "Bella's break time. You go clean up the spill in the front hall." She trailed behind him out to make sure he would follow her orders.

"God, this night isn't at all what I thought it would be." Bella slumped into a chair at the table, her head in her hands, defeated.

"I guess you didn't anticipate Jasper getting wasted." I stood beside her, leaning against the counter.

She snorted, laughing sardonically. "I thought he'd be really sweet about it. He's always so gentle with me. Alcohol does bad things to him. He's so aggressive. I just want the Jazz I know."

This was a new side to Jasper for me, as well. I'd never seen him drunk, nor so sexually aggressive. He was always such a gentleman with his girls – even when he was sleeping with Maria on a regular basis, he was still decent about it. I never got details from him. He didn't whore it up with her in front of onlookers. I felt bad for Bella. She deserved so much better. I knew it was inevitable that they would have sex – if not tonight, then very soon. Her first time should be special.

"I'll go talk to him, Bella. Get him straightened out for you. Don't worry, okay?"

I knew I was losing it at that point, but I went with it anyway. I found him arguing with Rosalie over the spill.

"You're not touching her in this condition, Jasper. I don't care what you think is happening, but I'll lock her in my room if you don't sober up and stop acting like a dick. This is not you. This is no one I know! Knock it off!"

"Easy there, sis. I got it under control. I just need some air. And maybe a little bit of vomiting."

"And a foot in your ass, Jasper Cullen! I can't believe you did this, tonight of all nights! Bella is so upset about leaving in a few months, and her gran… She's got a lot of shit to deal with right now, and you were supposed to be her shining light! She envisioned romance, not holding your head over the toilet. This is such an asshole move."

"I know, I know!" Jasper moaned, grimacing at our sister. For the first time, she looked bigger than him. She was certainly stronger than him. And smarter. And she was looking out for Bella, too. They had obviously discussed it.

Jasper looked over at me for help. "You're barking up the wrong tree here, buddy. I'm pissed at you, too."

"What the fuck? I'm the one who's losing my girlfriend! Why are you two so pissed off at me?"

"Because _our friend_ is moving away, too, you idiot! We're all going to miss her, but it doesn't mean we're losing her! You're going to fuck this up unnecessarily. This isn't helping her!" Rosalie was absolutely livid as she expressed what we both felt. In the most insane moment yet, I decided I would sober up my brother, for Bella. If she was going to lose her virginity to him, she should have the guy she knew and loved.

"Come on. You and I are gonna go get some air." I approached him with authority, grabbing onto his shoulder to lead him towards the door. I turned back to our sister before we left. "I'm taking him for a drive – find him something to eat. Hopefully sober him up. You help Bella. I'll clean the place up when we get back."

My plan worked – too well. Jasper was appropriately apologetic and serene when we returned in the middle of the night. Bella was overly accepting of his gestures. I was the stupidest asshole to ever walk the Earth, but I had made everyone happy.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Hi all! If you don't know, I am thrilled to know your thoughts. Love to msj and Shug for giving theirs on this chapter so long ago. *hugs*_

_I know many of you are anxious to get to the scene in the prologue... I'll get you there, promise. Without the history of these two, the future chapters won't mean as much. If you're not into the backstory, see ya at chapter 10. *wink wink* Just don't blame me when certain things just seem ridiculous and completely random. ;) Thanks for reading! XX ~ SR_


	6. Chapter 5

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 5**

Things changed for more than Bella and Jasper that night. I gained a certain sense of acceptance. They were together in all ways, and I was merely friend and brother. Acceptance didn't bring me relief – only a new determination to not be a burden to my siblings any longer. I sought ways to help them out, to be as important to them as they were to me. I kept up my meetings with Aro and fought through illnesses so as not to miss so many days at school. I also grew closer to Emmett. I realized I'd spent more time with my brother's girlfriend than I had my sister's boyfriend – that got rectified. Mom and Dad were immensely pleased that we were all spending so much time together. Particularly that it involved me leaving the house more often. I learned how to put on a good act in front of the people who knew me best. None of them knew I was dying inside.

When I wasn't with any of them, I was quick to anger and easily irritated. I continued walking away from instigators. Yes, they noticed how hot tempered I'd gotten and loved spurring it on. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of a reaction in front of them, but once I was alone, my temper flared.

One day, I was talking to Emmett in the parking lot when he came to pick up Rosalie. She had left with Jasper to get some supplies for an upcoming fund-raiser. We chatted for a bit before he pulled away and I headed for my car. A bunch of guys were piled around Tyler's van, being their usual obnoxious selves, talking about some girl. I looked away in disgust and continued to my car until I heard a name and froze.

"Rosalie has easily got the best tits in the school. If she wasn't with that musclehead, I'd totally bang her."

The guys laughed while I silently fumed.

"Dude, he could so kick your ass!"

"Yeah, but it would be worth it to slide into that fucking hot piece. I want a crack at all three entrances, man. That bitch is hot. And she'd never look better than with her mouth wrapped around my dick."

Before I even realized what I was doing, I was in front of the ignoramus, my hands fisted at my sides. "That's my sister!" I hissed, spewing venom with my anger.

They laughed. I fumed more.

"Like you wouldn't take it if you had a shot at that."

My fist was no longer at my side – it connected with his jaw.

"Fuck! Who the hell do you think you are, asshole? You can't hit me!"

"You can't talk about my sister that way!" I countered, shaking my hand out. That fucking hurt. I probably broke a knuckle or two.

The next thing I knew, three guys were coming at me – all of them looking to damage me more than I'd damaged their friend. I took several blows before I could even defend myself, and the next thing I knew, I was on the ground. My glasses flew several feet away. I heard the impact on the cement, and the crush as they got trampled. Blurred fists and feet came at me from all directions, and I couldn't block even half of them. The fury built with my humiliation. If I couldn't defend myself, I would damn well go down defending my sister. I used both feet to kick one of them in the gut. I bit another and grabbed the third by his throat until he stopped punching. I could hear my name being yelled, but I was sure it was in my head. It was Bella's voice.

I got to my feet and spit the blood out of my mouth, still raging as I faced the original asshole. "You got more?"

He lunged at me in a football tackle, hurling me back several yards before I fell to the ground again. I kicked him in the balls and quickly got to my feet as he bent over in pain.

"Stand up, you fucking prick! Stand up! If you're going to talk about my sister that way, this is what you're gonna get… every… fucking… time!" I accentuated each word with a punch before utilizing my final blow – the head-butt. With a body constructed of fragile bones, the one thing I knew that was rock hard was my skull. It dropped him. I stood over him, panting and spitting out more blood. I'm pretty sure some bile was mixed in with it.

I heard the squeal of tires behind me, and feet pounding on the pavement. A car door slammed and more feet rushed towards us. I figured I was in for another round, but I didn't give a shit. Nobody talked that way about my sister!

"Hey! Are you all right?"

I looked over my shoulder. Emmett. I started laughing as my body shook uncontrollably. Fucking Emmett.

"What the fuck guys? Four on one? You think that makes you tough? You wanna try me?"

Three of them shook their heads, hauling up their friend and dragging him to the safety of their van.

"Edward! Oh my god! Look at you!"

Bella's beautiful face was in front of me, cupping my face in her hands. There were tears streaming down her cheeks. I didn't need my glasses to see them. Each one seemed illuminated.

"I'm sorry, Edward! I saw you on the ground… and I saw Em leaving. I ran to get him. I should have stopped them –"

Emmett rubbed her back gently. "No, you did the right thing. I'm glad I wasn't too far away. Looks like you got a few good ones in yourself, eh?"

The maniacal laughter returned out of nowhere. I nodded and then stopped when the pounding in my skull threatened to lay me out. I was gasping for breath, and Bella was crying. Emmett was calming us both.

"He's going to need stitches, Em." Bella had dug out a tissue and was blotting at the blood that was dripping my eye, hindering my piss-poor sight even further.

"And probably some x-rays. Come on. I'll take you to my dad."

"Your dad?" We both turned to him in shock.

He smirked. "Yes. My dad. He's an asshole at home, but a very good and respectable doctor. He'll fix you up. His practice is about forty minutes away. Can you make it?"

I shrugged. "If I die on the way, just roll me out on the side of the road and go get some pizza."

Emmett laughed at my attempt at humour; Bella just looked more concerned. She fussed over me the entire drive, wiping away blood, stroking my hair, giving me sips of water – anything to keep me awake. In all honesty, I was having the best hour of my life. I'd defended my sister. Finally. And I'd won. And then I was rewarded. Twenty minutes of getting my ass kicked was worth the forty of having Bella's hands on me.

~ 0 ~

My mother took over the fussing from the moment we returned from the visit to Dr McCarty. She fussed until I semi-yelled at her to stop. She didn't blame me for it – I was sore and cranky. I also had a concussion, six stitches over my eye and bandaged ribs. My punching hand was in another cast. It throbbed and itched like hell. All in all, I faired quite well for four on one, I supposed. The bullshit of waking me up every two hours to ask me redundant questions was getting on my nerves though.

Regardless of the restless night and no glasses to wear, I was up and dressed, and ready to go to school. I would not let those assholes start up any rumours about what had happened. I didn't give a shit what they said about me, but I wouldn't let them drag Rosalie into it. My mother objected. My dad agreed with her. My siblings sat in silence, knowing that I needed to make a stand for myself. I was relieved when Bella showed up. She let herself in the kitchen door, as she had become accustomed. Today, however, she was not alone. Chief Swan stood behind her.

My family greeted them, offering the Chief a coffee. He accepted and stepped over to take a look at me. He whistled through his teeth.

"Well, son, looks like you went a full nine rounds." He thanked my mother as she passed him a steaming mug.

"And he still wants to go to school. Can you believe that?" She smiled through her worry. "He doesn't even have his glasses! We have to go pick out some new ones today, if he's up to it."

I knew Chief Swan as well as most teens in the area, but I wasn't familiar with the face he was making and what it meant. I did know that Bella's silence meant trouble.

"About that, Esme…" Chief Swan held a chair out for my mother to take a seat.

Dad stood behind her, concerned. "What is it, Charlie? Something wrong?"

"I just came from the station. Had some early morning visitors." He sipped on his coffee. "This is quite good, Esme. Do you grind the beans yourself?"

"I do! It's a mix of –"

My dad gave her shoulders a squeeze. "Esme, dear, I believe Charlie is here about something a little more important than your personal blend of beans. What do your visitors have to do with us?"

"It was Mr Newton and his son. And Principal Gates. I'm real sorry to tell you, but the Newtons insist on pressing charges. And they're filing suit for medical costs."

My father huffed in disbelief. My mother gazed up at him innocently. "Pressing charges for what, exactly?"

"Assault. They're charging Edward with assault."

Mom flew from her chair, making Dad back up in a rush. We were all shocked by her sudden movement. "What the – No! This can't be happening. They can't be _serious!_" She was shrieking. "Look what those boys did to my son! _Look!_ And they're charging _him_? We should be bringing charges against every one of those boys! And I think we will! Dear? Do you have what we need for that here? We're going to counter-sue. They're not getting away with this. They've bullied this poor boy his whole life, and look what's it's come to! And now they're filing criminal charges! Bullshit!"

Six sets of eyebrows flew up. Esme Cullen had cussed in anger. Unheard of.

"I mean it, Charlie! We're not backing down on this. Edward has suffered enough. _Enough!_ It stops NOW!"

Jasper was the first to crack a grin. "Go, Mom! You're a little firecracker when someone invades the den, huh, Mama Bear?"

"Oh, Jasper, quit it! This is no time for jokes! I have never been more serious."

Behind her, Dad struggled to keep a straight face. "Honey, we all know you're serious. I'm going to take Edward down to the station with Charlie right now and get this straightened out."

"Good. I'm glad you're agreeing to that. I'm going to take statements from Bella here as well. She witnessed it. And the McCarty boy? How can I get in touch with him?"

"I'll get you his information. Rosalie? Dear, write out Emmett's number and address for Chief Swan, please. I'm going to contact Dr McCarty and get Edward's medical chart sent over immediately. He fixed him up on the side, but I'll gladly pay for any charges to show the damage those boys caused my son! Years, Charlie… _years,_ those boys picked on Edward, and nothing was done. _NOTHING!_ What kind of system is this?"

"An imperfect one, Esme. Things like this slip through the cracks. I know it's unjust. Edward, can you follow along in your own car, son? I don't want to put you in my cruiser. I _can't_ put you in my cruiser."

"He can't drive, Dad. He has a concussion, plus no glasses, remember? I'll drive his car for him. Maybe you and Mr Cullen can talk on the way." Bella looked like she had a plan formulated. I was in no condition or position to argue with anyone, so I went along.

"Okay, Edward. Tell me what happened so we've got our story straight." Bella didn't hesitate to jump right into it as soon as we were in my car.

"What do you mean? You saw it, right?"

She shook her head slightly. "I only saw you on the ground before I ran for Emmett. I wanted to catch him before he turned the corner. I know Mike couldn't have done all of this to you himself, so I assume they all had a hand in it."

My pulse quickened. Bella hadn't seen everything! She didn't know what started it! I could protect Rosalie from knowing it was all over her. "They did, but you didn't see it."

Bella waved her hand at me. "Whatever. You're the only one who knows that. Tell me how it started and I'll say that I saw it all from the side… and then I waved Em down and all that. Who started it? Mike? Did they call you over? Or did something happen before the fight by the van? I need all the details. I'll leave out some stuff, since I would have been too far away to catch all of it. That will make it more believable."

"You can't lie for me, Bella."

"It's not entirely untrue. I was there. I did see some of it. Edward, I know you weren't responsible for this. Just tell me and I'll help you get out of it."

"This isn't detention, Bella. You can't do this."

"I'm aware it's not detention, Edward." She glared at me, stopping at a crossroad. "That's why you need help. This is serious beans. But we will get you out of it."

Even if it didn't involve my sister, I couldn't allow Bella to lie for me. "I appreciate your willingness to lie to your father… the _Chief of Police_… but it won't work. There were four of them, and only two of us. Even if we both told the same lie, they outnumber us."

"What do you mean, if we _both_ lie?"

"I threw the first punch."

Her head swung around to gawk at me.

"Bella, watch the road please. I'm already in rough shape. I don't want to be back for more x-rays so soon."

"You started it? Why? Edward, there were _four_ of them! What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't, clearly. They were just running their mouths off and I couldn't take it anymore. Simple."

"No. I'm not buying the whole 'bullied kid fights back' routine. I know you. I _know you_, Edward. You don't let their crap get to you. You ignore. You don't… God… you don't walk up to four guys and start a brawl! That's not you! What did they say to you? What did they do to you this time?"

I shrugged, staring blankly out the side window. There was no way I was getting Bella involved. "It doesn't matter. I took care of it."

I kept the same stoic stance while my father and I listened to Newton's account of my attack on him and his friends.

"He just went nuts! We were standing there, talking, and he just ran over and punched me! My friends tried to haul him off me, but he's got that super-human strength crazies get when they're raging! He started in on them, too! He even bit Eric! He _bit_ him! What human being bites another one? He's insane!"

Chief Swan held up his hand, silencing Newton. "Edward? What's your side of this?"

"Pretty much the same," I replied with my eyes focused on the picture frame on the Chief's desk. It held a picture of Bella. "I did hit him, and some others. And I did bite Eric. They were on top of me. I had to get them off me."

"He broke my boy's nose, Charlie. Not to mention the damage to his nether region. He may well end up infertile!"

"Do you have a medical record indicating that?" Dad asked calmly. "The nose, we can see. I'm speaking of the issue of Mike's fertility."

"No! Of course we don't know that now."

"Then that is inadmissible. What we can verify is that my son broke your son's nose. Several others got into it, and sustained minor injury as well. I would say, having medical records and physical proof before us, that my son sustained far greater injury in this tussle, wouldn't you say? His glasses were broken as well. We've sustained more damages in the long run. Four boys against one is never a fair match-up."

"They had to jump in! This guy is a raging lunatic!"

My father chortled beside me. "Clearly. He is out of control, wouldn't you say, Charlie?"

The corner of the Chief's mouth lifted in a smirk. "It does sound like we've got a case of mutual mischief in the schoolyard here. Both boys took shots, both boys sustained injury. In my day, these things were worked out between families. Can't we work something out here? I've known both of you all your lives. Edward's never shown aggression of this sort before now."

"He attacked my boy! How many shows of aggression does it take to indicate a problem? If he were a dog, he'd be quarantined!" Mr Newton was practically foaming at the mouth.

Mike muttered, "If he were a dog, he'd be a rangy mutt."

"That's enough." Chief Swan calmly put an end to that comparison before sighing heavily. He wiped at his brow and sighed again. "Okay, who threw the first punch?"

"Cullen!"

"I did."

"See? He attacked first!" Mr Newton crowed when we both agreed to that fact.

"My son would not have simply walked up and struck another person without cause," Dad interjected. "Why don't you tell them why you did that, son?"

I kept my eyes trained on the photo. Bella had strengthened me. She had made me more confident, better able to be an equal to my siblings. I was the oldest Cullen child. It was my duty to stand up for my siblings. I'd been hurting people, and letting them down since birth. This was my moment to give something back.

"Edward?" Chief Swan prodded me gently. "Can you tell us why you did that?"

I shook my head. Mike snorted smugly across the room and then scowled at the pain it caused his face. I smirked. He deserved the pain.

"Look at him. He's enjoying this! He is _crazy_, I'm telling ya!" Mike whined.

"Enough of that! I can see why this has escalated into a brawl if you behave like this at school!" Chief Swan stood abruptly, accenting his frustration. "Look, I'm paid to serve and protect. I'm required by law to fill out any forms of complaint you all have, but I'm telling you now, this is a huge waste of the tax payers' money! This was a schoolyard tussle that went way too far. Period. Can we not drop the name-calling and just sit down and come up with a resolution that doesn't cost the town money? We're all adults here!"

"Is it simply a matter of name-calling, Charlie? Really? I understand the Cullen boy has been seeking psychiatric care for some time…"

What the…? How did he know that? Was Newton around when my mom showed up at school that day? I flinched and my dad swung around to face him furiously. "My son is not crazy!"

Chief Swan bowed his head, pinching his eyes shut for a moment before addressing us. "Is this true?"

"Edward has regular appointments with a psychotherapist. _Not_ a psychiatrist! And it has nothing to do with the matter at hand."

"I beg to differ!" Mr Newton was on his feet, and Chief Swan was at the end of his rope.

"All right! Look, let's take ten minutes time out here. Grab some coffee. Simmer down. And we'll start this over again. Let's be civil about this, shall we?"

My father very calmly pleaded with me once we were alone to speak up about the cause of the incident. He wasn't buying that I was the instigator in this either. He grew more frustrated when I still refused. Before we could head back into the office, Chief Swan met with us.

"Okay, guys, here's the deal. Mr Newton has just agreed not to press charges if there is medical reasoning behind Edward's behaviour yesterday. By medical reason, he means psychiatric."

"I'm not crazy," I announced stubbornly.

"He insists on an evaluation."

"For Christ's sake!" Dad ran his hands through his hair. "That's ridiculous, Charlie! You know it!"

"I do. But it seems the most rational thing to do is go through with the evaluation and bide some time. This will blow over. He's in a huff right now, embarrassed that his kid got his ass kicked. In all honesty, Carlisle, if this goes to court, with Edward's history of psychotherapy and recent display of hostility, it will end with a mandatory assessment anyway. It's better to agree to it on your own terms, with your own doctor of choice."

"Fine. I'll arrange a meeting with Aro, and we'll set something up."

~ 0 ~

"Edward, you and I know each other very well at this point. You know that I never insist that you talk about anything you don't want to, but I'm afraid this is a different matter. Do you understand the consequences of keeping silent?"

I nodded.

"You are truly one of the most insistent young men I've ever known. Who are you protecting?"

I shrugged. Aro was pissing me off. I'd never had issues with Aro – ever. Today was different.

"Can you write about it?"

"Nope."

"Edward…" Aro sighed heavily, dropping his head into his hands. "I want to help you. You know that, don't you?"

I nodded, feeling somewhat remorseful for causing him grief. He'd been the best therapist I'd ever spoken with. I could tell him anything – almost.

"Were you angry that day? Before the fight began, I mean. Can you tell me that?"

Huffing out a breath, I slumped further down in my chair, then stood and began pacing. "I don't know. Not really. I was talking to Emmett just before. I wasn't mad then."

"But you were prior to that? Is that what you're saying?"

"I just… ugh! I don't know, Aro! I get frustrated really easily lately. Irritable. That's not why I hit Newton and those other guys, though. Separate issue."

"Why do you suppose you're more irritable these days? Has something changed?"

_Yeah. I'm the worst brother in the world for falling in love with my brother's girlfriend. I'm trying to make up for that, but it's there, in my face every fucking day! I can't get away from it. I don't really want to, either. I love both of them. I need both of them. And Bella's leaving. She loves my brother, not me – and she's leaving us both. And I can't tell you any of this because then it will be even more real and even more horrible!_ "Not really," I lied.

"Edward, you are my client. You have total confidentiality in here with me, do you understand that? This has nothing to do with the pending charges or evaluation. This is you and me, and what you say stays between us. What I want you to know is that I will be speaking to the psychiatrist who will evaluate you – not giving specifics of our talks, but a general evaluation of my own. If you let me in, I'll be in a better position to help you. Please, talk to me."

I continued pacing, thinking of those assholes and their filthy mouths and minds. The thought of them even thinking of my sister in a sexual way sickened me. "They were talking about my sister. Disgusting stuff!"

"Ah. And it angered you."

"It pissed me off! They have no right! I don't give a shit what they think of me or what they do to me, but that's my sister! No one disrespects my sister. Rosalie is the sweetest person alive! She'd never hurt anyone! She'd help anyone… she's friends with everyone! Why would they say rude things about her? She's never done anything to deserve that!"

"Neither have you, Edward." Aro's voice was so smooth and casual in the midst of my rant that even that angered me.

"She's different!" I shouted.

"Why? Why is she different? Why does she deserve better treatment than you?"

"Because she's a better person than me!" I screamed, a sob catching in my throat. I wiped away the tears that fell angrily. "She just is."

"When you calm down, I'd like you to think of one specific reason why Rosalie is more deserving of respect than you are. Okay?"

I faced away from the chair Aro sat in, staring out the window. My father was waiting in the parking lot. I strained my eyes so focus in on him. From what I could see, he looked like he was on the phone in the car. He was missing time at the office because of me. I was inconveniencing someone else, along with Dad. The story of my life. Someone was always inconvenienced because of me. "She's more deserving because she's spent her life standing up for me when I was too weak – too afraid to do anything for myself. For once… for one fucking moment… I was defending _her_! It's the least I could do. She deserves so much more."

"You feel you were repaying her in some way by fighting those boys?"

"No. I just wanted them to shut their fucking mouths! I wanted them to stop! I wanted them to know they can't talk about her that way! She's different! I wanted them to know that she's one girl who's honest, and smart, and just… good. When she gives her heart, she means it. She doesn't toy with guys. She isn't bitchy with girls. She's just everybody's friend and one guy's girl. That's it."

"So, Rosalie is different than the other girls you know in these ways?"

"Yeah… no! I don't know! I don't know any girls other than her and Bella. Not really. I just see them… how they act. How they talk about each other and mess with guys and stuff. I don't know! I just know that Rosalie is different."

"You mentioned Bella. Is she different as well?"

I froze. Had I mentioned Bella? I always tried to be casual when she came up in our conversations. "Bella… Bella's great for Jasper. They're good together."

I heard Aro shifting behind me. I turned to see him setting his pad and pen down. "I'm a bit confused, I'm afraid. Bella and Jasper are dating? Is that right?"

I nodded, shrugging as casually as I could.

"Is this a recent development?"

Shaking my head, I stepped away from the window. "Nope. They've been together a long time."

"Huh. That's very odd."

I stopped in place, staring at Aro while he studied me. We stared each other down for several moments. "What's odd?" I finally challenged him.

"All this time you've talked about Bella, you've never mentioned that she's dating your brother. You talk about her as though she were your friend –"

"She is!"

Aro nodded slowly, a gentle smile on his lips. "I'm certain it's my own error. I always assumed that you had feelings for her."

"She's my friend! That's all! I would never do anything to hurt my brother!" Suddenly, Aro was enemy number one again, top of my list of people pissing me off.

"Of course not! No, I don't believe for one second that you would hurt anyone aside from yourself, Edward."

I scoffed at his remark in an angry snit. "This isn't about me! It's about doing what's right for my sister and –"

"Your brother. I understand. I do." He stood up, folding his hands in front of him. "Our time is up today, Edward. Of course, if you'd like to keep speaking to me, I'd be happy to push back my other appointments."

"Nope! I'm fine." My voice was seething. My blurry eyes shooting daggers at him.

"You don't seem fine, Edward. You're quite angry with me at the moment, aren't you."

"Yep."

He nodded. "I'll see you on Friday, as usual?"

I snorted as I shrugged my jacket halfway on, my casted hand wouldn't go through the sleeve. "Like I have a choice."

"You always have choices, Edward. I'd like to see you on Friday. I'd also like to sit in with you for your evaluation. Would you like me to be there for you?"

"I don't know anymore," I replied truthfully. I had a feeling he was about to sell me out.

"I won't be discussing any of this. You don't have to bring up anything we've talked about. Your only obligation will be to fill out some questionnaires, respond to the doctor's questions, that's all really. I do have a strong feeling that we won't be able to put off medication this time, however. I feel I should warn you about that. Based on what I've seen today, and what you've told me about the incident and your recurring anger of late, you won't be able to escape criminal charges if you do not agree to medication and anger management. That's my professional opinion. My opinion as your friend differs somewhat. Do you want to hear that?"

"I don't know. Do I?" I challenged.

"I think you know where your anger is stemming from, Edward. Thoughts are not the same as actions. You cannot help your thoughts. None of us can, dear boy. They don't make you a bad person. As a friend, I beg you to give yourself a break on that. You don't have to be superman for one sibling to make up for what you think you've done to another. You don't deserve to be beat up by anyone, much less yourself. See you Friday?"

I nodded in silence. He knew. He fucking knew I was in love with Bella. Just perfect. In the end, I rationalized that it didn't matter anyway. Bella was leaving. None of it mattered.

~ 0 ~

Bella came home with Rosalie and Jasper after school. All three rushed into my room to find out what had happened. I related the day's events, plus the newest information that I would be suspended for a week. The other boys involved got three days each. Bella didn't say much. I couldn't see her face clearly enough to decipher her thoughts. I could only imagine that she was disappointed in me.

I got a text message later that night. Grabbing the old glasses my mother had dug out of the bottom of a drawer somewhere, I put them on to read.

'_u make things so difficult 4 urself. I would have helped'_

'_you would have lied.' _I typed back.

'_:/ I care about u Edward…'_

'_it would have been between you and me. that's it…'_

'_I don't want to see u hurt…'_

'_will u ever tell me?' _Her messages were hitting me rapidly. I barely had time to read them let alone think.

'_tell you what?'_

There was a long pause while I waited for her response.

'_nothing. forget it. goodnite.'_

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ __Edward was humbled by the reactions of my fix-up team, msj and Shug. I hope you're all proud of him too. Do we like angry Edward? I'm going to have him join us in a group hug. He needs the loving and I need a way to thank you all for sticking with us. Thanks for reading. XX ~ SR_


	7. Chapter 6

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 6**

Aro was correct – medication was mandatory. As much as I loathed the whole idea of it, there was nothing I could do. This time began similar to the other time I was forced to medicate. The side effects started immediately. I was jumpy. Constantly on edge. My hands shook uncontrollably, and I had trouble sleeping. My appetite was gone, and I had my mother pushing one dish after another on me, pleading with me to eat anything.

After the first few weeks, the tremors stopped, and my body wanted to catch up on all the sleep I'd lost. That's all I wanted to do. I even fell asleep in class on two occasions. A couple of weeks of that, and they upped my dosage. Things seemed to settle down. I was much calmer, but didn't feel sedated. I was able to discuss my bouts of anger rationally with Aro, and he was very pleased with the results. I had to admit, I was pleasantly surprised as well. I made it through the last term of high school, and graduation, without further issue. My grades even went up. It inspired me to start looking through college brochures to see if there was anything at all I'd be interested in – if I could even get into a school this late.

Bella left us at the end of July. There were recollections of laughter and many tears, as well as promises to keep in touch regularly – all of us. Jasper took her to the airport on his own and returned looking more distraught than I'd ever seen him.

"Love sucks, man." He grumbled when he collapsed beside me on my bed. "I don't know how I'm gonna do this."

I'd had both my malachite stone and lemonade cap out when he'd barged in. I quickly palmed them and shoved them into my pocket. "You'll get through it. She loves you." I almost choked on those words of truth. I hoped he didn't notice.

He smiled over at me. "She really does. I'm thinking of surprising her… maybe at Thanksgiving? Mom will be pissed that I'm not here, but I can't wait until winter break to see her."

"I'm jealous. You'll get to meet the fantastic Gran." I made my confession seem like I was joking, but truly, I wasn't. At all.

"I wanted to go with her now, spend a few weeks together before school, but Rosalie talked me out of it."

"I think Bella wanted some quality time with her family now, while she still has the chance. You have forever to make up the lost time."

Jasper chuckled beside me.

"What?" I prodded him with my elbow when he didn't respond.

"Nothing… it's just… Bella always said that I should be more like you… thoughtful. I guess I see her point. You're right. I wish I could be as patient as you are. I can't look ahead that way. I just live in the moment, and this moment sucks ass."

I snickered with him. "I've had a lifetime of moments that sucked ass. Get used to it. I don't feel sorry for you in the least."

"Not even a little bit?"

"Nope. I do feel sorry for Bella." I turned my head to taunt him further. "Having to spend all this time with you must have really sucked ass."

"Shut up, dickwad." Jasper jabbed me in the stomach, but he was grinning at me. "Emmett's doing a Mexican night at his place later on – you coming?"

I thought of Bella's final moments with me when she pleaded with me to stick to the social events with my siblings and tell her all about them. I nodded. "Yeah. I'll be there."

He left to shower as I laid there thinking about his remark: _'Bella always said I should be more like you.'_ If only I could be more like Jazz, maybe I'd have a girl like Bella of my own.

Fuck that. There was no other girl for me. My heart belonged to Bella, and she'd never even know it.

~ 0 ~

The next day, I was in the kitchen poring over the want-ads in case I couldn't enrol for any courses in the fall. Emmett had arrived early on his day off to help my mother move a giant decorative rock in the garden. He and Jasper moved it back two feet. It looked exactly the same to me, but Mom was thrilled by the change. Apparently, it made all the difference in 'curbside appeal'. Whatever.

"Ed! Wanna come for a ride with me?" Emmett grabbed an OJ from the fridge and plunked down across from me at the table. "I have to go pick up the rest of Alice's stuff from home. Give me a hand?"

I looked up at him, mystified. "Me? Wouldn't Jasper be more useful for moving stuff?"

He chuckled, downing his juice in one gulp. "You and I can handle it. Come on. It'll only take a few hours. I'll even buy you lunch."

"Okaaaay…" I tidied up the newspaper and went to grab my phone and keys. Then I returned for my Bella pieces. The stone had managed to get itself wedged inside the lemonade cap, combining the two. I had a feeling I'd need an extra boost of confidence for our outing. I'd been spending more time with all of them lately, and I was comfortable with Emmett, but I'd never been alone with him for hours before. I had no idea where this had come from.

We talked about random stuff on the way to his parents' house. I met his mom. She was… not what I expected. Emmett clearly got his height from her – she was a tall woman, with a lot of curves. Curves that were accentuated by her clinging spandex outfit. I found my eyes jumping all over the place in an attempt not to stare. She didn't look like anyone's mother.

"You're wondering why my sister doesn't look a thing like my mom, right?" Emmett asked with a grin when we were alone in Alice's room. I had to admit, it had crossed my mind. "She's my half-sister. Dad had an affair during a convention or something. The woman dropped Alice on our doorstep when she was a couple of months old."

My mouth hung open. "Does Alice know?"

"Sure. It's never been a secret. Mom wouldn't let him off that easy." Emmett's grin didn't match how I'd feel about that situation if it were my life. "I told you my family is messed up. They fight a lot. But they treat me and Alice exactly the same."

"Does Alice ever see her mom?"

"Nope. Never. It's just like how you are with Esme and Carlisle – they're the only parents she's ever known. And I'm her brother. Period. And we've both suffered with the same shitty parents."

I gained a little understanding as to why Emmett had accepted me into his life exactly as he had Jasper. "And you'd help your sister out of it, no matter what," I stated.

"You got it! She's making herself at home as we speak. Dad's forking over some extra funds, so it won't be a hardship for me taking her in. I never accepted any money from him when I left. It wasn't easy, but I feel a lot better doing it on my own. Alice is already looking for a job, too, so it won't set me back. I've decided to go for paramedic training, too. Did Rose tell you?"

I shook my head, completely in awe of him.

"Yeah, it'll open up more jobs down the road if I have that. EMT/firefighters are in higher demand. Plus, I'll understand what the hell Rose is talking about when we study Bio together."

My sister had decided to go into medicine. Our folks were thrilled, and I was really proud of her. She definitely had the brains for it, as well as the nurturing heart for the job.

"All right, the only big thing left is the mattress. We should take that out to the truck before her fifty boxes of shit."

He wasn't kidding. Boxes lined an entire wall of her packed-up room, nearly to the ceiling. We struggled with angling the mattress and box spring around all the corners of the house. "Why does such a small person need such a large bed?" I grumbled when we wedged it in a doorway after getting it down the stairs.

"I ask myself the same thing. She used to do gymnastics on it when she was a kid. I'm serious. She's always had a massive bed. Okay, you tilt it back your way, and I'll tug from this end. Got it?" He even groaned, tossing it into his truck. "God help the dude she ends up marrying someday. Princess Alice and the pea."

I laughed along with him. He was so good-natured towards everything that would irritate anyone else. Alice would indeed find it difficult to get a guy like her brother. "Is she seeing anyone?"

"You interested?" Emmett's head popped out around the mattress, peering at me from the flatbed.

"No!" I laughed. I wanted to say 'hell, no,' but she was his sister.

"Shit. It would make it smoother if you were. Have you noticed her little crush on Jasper?"

I frowned. "Um, I can't say that I have. I don't think she says two words when he's around."

"Exactly! That's how I know! She doesn't shut up for a minute otherwise, and the minute he shows up, she's all… 'gah, gah, uh, gaaaah.'"

I howled at his imitation.

"I was hoping you'd be interested in getting her mind off a taken man."

"Sorry, dude. I'm not the guy for this task."

He waved his hand at me. "Probably better anyway. You don't want someone who's making eyes at your brother. That would suck. Shall we go kick a few boxes down the stairs?" He rubbed his hands together excitedly, but in the end treated each box with gentle care. The irony of his comment kept me in silence throughout our task. He had no idea just how much that sucked.

Over lunch, he broached another subject. "Have you ever thought of taking the paramedic program? Rosalie tells me you're great with science, too. You could sign up with me. We'll have study sessions and you two can get me through it."

I chortled, picking at my fries. "It would be funny to treat myself."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I have more need for a paramedic's service than ability to _be_ a paramedic. There's just no way. That's just… laughable."

He dropped the subject for the time being but didn't entirely let it go. One day later in the week, he showed up at the house and asked me to go for another ride with him.

"Are you bored, Emmett? Working fulltime isn't enough for you during the summer?" I teased him once I was in his truck.

"What are you talking about?"

"Did Rosalie ask you to pal around with me or something? You're taking me while she handles your sister? You really don't have to entertain me, you know."

He shot me a look as he drove. "Rose didn't ask me to do anything. For your information, I like hanging out with you. And I don't particularly want to be around a closet organization day at my place, thank you."

I smirked. "Ah, I'm your out for the big event."

"I wanted to hit the gym. The school opens it up during certain hours for students to use the facilities over the summer. Not many of us use it… they won't mind that I brought a friend."

I almost choked. "The gym? Seriously? Me? At a gym? Em… I don't think that's a good idea. At least not until you're trained and know how to set a fractured fibula."

"How would you break your leg in a gym?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Very easily. You have no idea."

"Dude, come on. I'll set you up with a real simple starter program. It'll be good, you'll see."

It wasn't merely the thought of the equipment that scared me off, it was the knowledge that there would likely be people of Emmett's stature and ability in there, just waiting to laugh at the tubby, out of shape guy who'd obviously never seen the inside of a gym.

It turned out that Emmett was right. We were alone – not another soul in the entire facility. The stationary bike seemed harmless, so after he loaned me some workout clothes and we changed, I gave it a go.

"See? That didn't kill you." Emmett teased me in a friendly manner after he finished his own workout. "Come on over here, and I'll show you some good toning drills. Paramedics need strong backs."

"I'm sure they do," I responded. "Lifting guys like me into the back of the ambulance isn't an easy job."

He rolled his eyes at me. "You're like those anorexic chicks who see themselves as fat. I've seen your old pictures, and yeah, you were a little porker for a while there."

I made a face at him, and he slapped my chest, wearing his big grin.

"You just need some toning, dude. Cardio and toning. I can get you in shape by the end of summer."

That was worth a laugh, but somehow I accepted his challenge. Not only that, I ended up enrolled in his paramedic course for the fall. Pounds fell off, and muscle – actual muscle – appeared. I found the classes engrossing, having had so much experience with a lot of the emergency situations they were preparing us for, and I did well with the work involved.

Outside of school, I spent a lot of time Rosalie and Emmett at his apartment. Alice flitted in and out too. She was a little whirlwind, working as a waitress weekends and some evenings, and then there were her drama nights. She had found another class to explore her creative side while she worked on her paralegal course during the day. It was good that she had so many outlets for her energy. She soon got over her shyness with Jasper, too. She wasn't that talkative Energizer Bunny/Smurfette that we met in the spring. She was much happier, confident and calmer living with her brother.

Jasper had decided to follow in our father's footsteps and pursue a career in law. In an attempt to miss Bella a little less, he threw himself into his school work. He was at the top in every class. Still, we sometimes managed to get him to join us for movie nights or the odd concert. Alice and I had similar taste in music, and Jasper was used to my indie shit. We never went bowling. No one even suggested it. It seemed wrong without Bella. That was her thing.

Bella and I exchanged e-mails regularly and even had a few phone conversations. I didn't know, and didn't want to know, how often she and Jazz were in contact. We didn't talk about him. Apparently, they didn't talk about Alice. Bella had no idea that she was with us for a few of the concerts we talked about. I didn't keep anything from her – well, except for the fact that I still dreamt about her regularly and the whole thing about being in love with her.

We did a conference call with her one night when we gathered at Emmett's for Chinese take-out. It was almost like having her there. Almost. I missed seeing her smile and goofy socks in person. They visited me frequently in my thought, however. My siblings and Emmett jeered at us when we broke into a conversation about the release of the first Harry Potter movie near the end of the call. Bella had seen it and was trying to convince me to go check it out.

"Seriously Edward, you should ask Alice to go with you," Rosalie commented after the call as the teasing wound up. Luckily, Alice was still at work or it would have been even more awkward. "She's been dying to go. You should see it together!"

"Maybe…" Would that be too date-like? I had never attended a movie with just one girl.

"I know she's not working Saturday night," Emmett remarked.

Jasper jumped in. "That would be too much like a date." All eyes turned to him. "I just mean that it's a typical date night, or whatever."

"So, what if it was a date?" Rosalie challenged. "Edward's allowed to date."

"It would just be weird, that's all." He quickly gathered up his empty containers and stood.

Emmett scoffed. "Dude, why would that be weird? Something wrong with my sister?"

I swear blood flushed into my brother's cheeks as he backtracked. "No! Of course not! It's just… she's like family. It would be incestuous."

"Bella's like family, too." Leave it to my sister to bring her up again.

"That's different."

A small argument broke out, and I escaped to the washroom to avoid it. Jasper was leaving when I came out, and I took a ride home with him.

"Ed… you're not… interested in Alice, are you?"

Something about the way he asked drew me back to the day he'd asked the same of Bella. "No. Why? Are you?" My heart thumped in my chest. Surely my brother wouldn't go after another girl. He wasn't a cheater. Was he?

He laughed and blew my question off. The subject changed and wasn't brought up again, but it left me with a very bad feeling. He hadn't made the trip over Thanksgiving to see Bella. Did that mean something else besides a hectic schedule at school? I knew my brother better than anyone, and I had never thought of him as a guy who would cheat. I convinced myself that I was right about that. He wouldn't do that. I was just being over-protective of Bella. That had to be it. I even managed to convince myself that my urge to protect Bella wasn't borne out of my wrongful love for her – she was like family. I would feel the same way if I thought Emmett was interested in someone else, too. I suddenly trusted Emmett a hell of a lot more than my own brother, and I felt horrible about that.

~ 0 ~

I felt slightly better about my brother, and slightly worse for doubting him, when he took off the day after Christmas to go see Bella. Of course I was jealous that he'd get to spend days with her – and nights – but she really needed it. When I'd talked to her on Christmas Eve, she'd sounded more down than I'd ever heard. It probably didn't help that her mom decided to gift herself a vacation for the holidays. While Bella tended to her ailing grandmother, Renee was sunning herself in Mexico. Nice.

Whatever had happened over Christmas, Bella seemed to be perked up, and Jasper returned to moping around missing her. We began exchanging daily emails. I got my fix of Bella in whatever way I could. I was elated when she told me she planned to come home over Easter break. It wasn't even a week, and she'd be spending half of her time with her dad, but I'd take it.

As it turned out, her trip got cancelled. Gran had taken a nasty fall and was in the hospital. Bella just didn't feel right leaving her. Jasper was more moody than I'd ever seen him. I didn't know what disappointed me more – the fact that I wouldn't get to see her or that my brother was so angry with her decision to stay with her grandmother. Why couldn't he see how important she was to Bella? Did family mean that little to him? Maybe he just took it for granted since he saw us every day. There lay the biggest difference between us – more than our looks or abilities – I never took a thing about my family for granted.

We got the news that Gran had died just three weeks later. I couldn't offer my condolences properly in an email, so I called Bella. She was a mess over it. We spent almost an hour together, and she thanked me for listening to it all. We even had a chuckle over the idea of me flying down there. I loathed air travel. My entire family would have to go with me and be miserable all the way. I would do that for Bella, though. After hanging up, I had an idea.

"We should surprise Bella by heading down there. I don't know if we'll make it for the funeral if we left after class on Friday, but we can at least be there for her after."

Rose agreed heartily. "One helluva road trip, but I'm in!"

Jasper was more hesitant. "I can't go on Friday."

"Why not?" Both of us questioned our brother together.

"The whole weekend is bad. My final presentation is on Monday. I've got to work on it."

I had a feeling there was more to it than that, but it wasn't confirmed until Thursday. Rosalie came down with a stomach bug – a nasty one that had her running back and forth to the toilet all night. Even if it calmed down, she would be too weak for that kind of excursion. I pleaded with Jasper to change his mind.

"Come on, man. I'll do most of the driving. You can work on it in the car."

"There's still no guarantee that we'd be back Monday morning. Anything could happen. And if I miss it, I'm screwed. All my work for the term will be for nothing."

"I swear on a stack of bibles, I'll have you back by Monday morning." I even sweetened the deal. "I'll even do all of the driving on the way back. You can rehearse and sleep, and not worry about anything."

Jasper sighed at me. "See, it's not just the presentation – it's leaving Friday night, too. I have this thing to go to… and if we left later, we'd just get there and have to turn around and come back. It's pointless."

"Jazz, Bella's really vulnerable right now. What could be happening Friday night that's more important?"

He turned away from me, sighing heavily once more. "Okay, here's the thing… I've been taking a night class, just for fun. You know how I was always interested in drama in high school."

"Drama class? That's what's more important than Bella?" He couldn't be serious.

"Don't judge me, Edward. It's not becoming."

Jasper only called me by my full name when he was pissed off. Regardless, I didn't back down. "Sorry, but that just seems really lame. I don't think it will affect your career as a lawyer to miss one drama class for a funeral."

"It's not just a class." Jasper's face told me he was angered by me challenging him this way, but his voice remained calm. "We've been working on the show for weeks. The performance is on Friday."

I scoffed at him. "Yeah, Jazz. I can tell this is something really important to you. Wonder why you've never mentioned this once? We've never missed anything you've been in – plays, ballgames… whatever. Why haven't we heard about this?"

"I started the class late, and I never thought to mention it. If I bail now, I'll be letting Alice down."

Ah, that would explain it. "Letting Alice down," I repeated.

"Yeah. We've been working on it together. She won't be able to perform if I'm not there."

Of all the lame excuses! I was livid. "Would that be catastrophic in the grand scheme of things? Really? Would she fall apart and crumble because you didn't perform together in front of a drama club? What the hell, Jasper? Someone very important to your girlfriend just died, and you're more concerned about a stupid play?"

"It's a skit. We're doing individual or paired skits, not one whole play. And I'm not deserting Bella – I've talked to her every day since Gran died."

I threw my hands up in the air. "That makes all the difference then, doesn't it? Unbelievable!"

"Look, Edward, we discussed this two days ago. You were fine with me not going then. The only thing that's changed is that Rosalie can't go. That's the only reason you're all hot for me to go now. Take Emmett, if you're so determined to still make the trip. That's my only suggestion."

"Well I have one for you, too," I muttered as I stormed out of his room. "Get over yourself, asshole." He had no appreciation for what he had. He didn't deserve Bella. I was seeing a whole new side to him that I wasn't exactly fond of – my brother could turn on and off affections according to proximity. How could he care more about letting Alice down than Bella? Ugh!

~ 0 ~

Friday morning, I loaded my car and said goodbye. I planned to skip my last class of the day to get a good start on the drive, but I had to attend the morning class. Leaving early, I figured I may even make it for the funeral. I hadn't asked Emmett to come along. I was more determined than ever to do what was right for Bella on my own. It was one hellish drive, though. When I pulled into a service station in Phoenix to get myself where I needed to be, I was already not looking forward to repeating it on Sunday.

"This was a really stupid idea, Cullen," I mumbled to myself in the car. I was parked in front of Gran's house. "She doesn't want me here. She wants Jasper. Or maybe she doesn't want anyone. Maybe she just wants to be with her family." I groaned and dropped my head to the steering wheel. "So stupid. I should just turn around and go back." I peeked over at the house again. There were a dozen or more cars parked on the street in front of it, and the driveway was full. "She'll think this is stupid. But if she finds out I was all the way here and didn't go in… I know Jazz would tell her. He'd do that just because I pissed him off by coming here when he wouldn't. I should go in. Just say hi. And offer condolences to the family. And then… drive home. All twenty-plus hours… oh my god, this was such a crazy thing to do!"

Taking a deep breath, I popped a mint in my dry mouth and checked my reflection. Hair's a disaster – what else is new? I tried to flatten it out – smooth it back. It didn't want to go back. It flopped down on my forehead at a weird angle, so I tugged on it a bit to make it return to how it had been before my quick-fix attempt. I squeezed my eyes shut, giving myself one last moment to either run for it, or move towards the house. As if my body reacted on its own, my hand reached out and pulled on the door handle. My legs turned themselves out of the opened door, and my feet planted on the cement. I stood and without allowing myself another conscious thought, strode boldly towards the front door of Gran's.

A small girl opened the door, looking up at me quizzically. "You're late!"

"Excuse me?" Her boldness took me by surprise.

"Most of the food is gone. Mommy's making some sandwiches though."

I smiled at the little doorman… doorgirl. "Did you get enough to eat?"

She nodded, curly pigtails bobbing at the sides of her head. "I spilled my juice though."

My eyes were drawn down to the red stain on her blue dress. "That's too bad. A waste of good juice."

The girl stared up at me with a scowl. She didn't get my humour.

"I'm looking for Bella. Is she here?"

Without a response to me, she turned and ran inside the house, screaming, "Mommy! There's a man here for Bella!"

I puffed my chest out a bit. I'd never been called 'a man' before. My bravado fell when a dark-haired woman came to the door. The first thing I noticed about her was the stripes of colour throughout her hair. There were at least three different shades. It just looked… striped. And odd. "Can I help you?"

My shoulders slumped and my voice faltered as I responded. "I'm a friend of Bella's."

"It's not really a good time." Her hand was already on the door, a sure sign that I was not welcome.

"I know. I just thought…" One hand went nervously through my hair, while the other frantically sought out my pocket talisman. "I came a long way. I just thought she'd want to know that we're thinking of her a lot right now. If you could just let her know –"

"Oh!" The woman's eyes lit up and she smiled broadly. "I'm so sorry! I wasn't thinking… I know just who you are, and of course she'd want to see you. Come in, come in!" She held the door open widely for me now. "I'll just go tell Bella you're here. She'll be thrilled!"

I was stunned by the rapid turn-around in the greeting. I obeyed, and stepped inside, hovering near the door.

"Bella!" she bellowed as she ran up the steps. "Bella! Honey, your boyfriend's here!"

_Oh! Oh, Jesus, no…_ "Uh, no! No! I'm not…" The woman disappeared before I could clarify. Just fucking great.

Bella came thundering down with anticipation. She froze only momentarily when she spotted me. "Edward!" She threw her arms around my neck, kissing my check. "Oh my god, I've missed you! So much! You can't imagine! What are you doing here?" The whole time she was peppering my face with kisses. Her reaction was… unexpected… but pleasing none the less. "Where's Jasper?"

My elation vanished as her grip on me loosened. "Um… he's not here. He couldn't make it. We had it all planned – all three of us – but… It's just me. Sorry."

Her hands dropped from my neck, and I instantly felt a chill from their absence. I could barely breathe staring into her dark eyes. "Don't be sorry, Edward," she whispered. She fell against me, this time her arms around my waist with her head nestled against my chest. "I'm so glad you're here."

Neither of us said anything for several minutes. I simply held her, and she clung to me like a lifeline. I couldn't believe how good it felt to have her in my arms. I hoped it was giving her as much comfort as she was providing me. Never had I been more pleased with a decision I'd made.

The mistaken woman reappeared in my vision, and I looked up, dropping my hands from Bella's waist. Bella didn't move. I felt her hands grab onto the back of my shirt, fisting the fabric as though she was afraid I'd disappear. "Bella, aren't you going to introduce me?"

"Mom, this is my… Edward." Her voice was weak and muffled against my chest. Her hands kept opening and closing against my shirt. "My Edward," she repeated with a tiny snort. I couldn't tell if she was laughing or crying. When her hands finally released the back of my shirt, it was only for a moment. She moved them to the front, grabbing two new fistfuls as she looked up at me. There were tears pooled in her eyes. It broke my heart.

"Well, invite your friend in. My goodness, you came a long way, didn't you?"

I tried to find indicators that this woman had given birth to Bella, but it was difficult. There was none of Bella's warmth in her eyes. She didn't emit that sense of calm that Bella natural put out for me. Their hair may have been similar at one time, but this older woman clearly liked playing with colour, so I couldn't tell.

"Yes, ma'am. I thought Bella could use a friend right now."

A clear sob came from the girl in my arms. I pulled her closer to me without a thought, but instantly released her when she gave me a shove backwards. Thinking I'd upset her, I felt panic rush through me. I didn't know what the hell I was doing here with her. I had no idea how to offer her comfort, and truly, I wasn't the person she wanted comfort from. She reached behind me awkwardly, pulling on the handle of the front door. It slammed into me as she tugged it open.

"Sorry!" Her hand was on my chest again. "So sorry. Mom, Edward and I are taking a walk." She didn't wait for acknowledgement as I stepped aside to let her open the door fully this time. She grabbed my arm, and I followed her outside – as if I had a choice.

Gripping my arm with two hands, she propelled us across the street and down another street that branched off. All without saying a word. She was trembling when we finally stopped near a small park. "I can't believe you came. Why didn't you call from the airport? I would have picked you up. I hate this part – people are just milling around, looking for food and drink. I don't even know half of them, and I sure don't feel like talking to them. I would have loved the chance to go get you."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I drove," I quipped with a grin.

Stepping in front of me, she frowned as though she didn't understand. "You drove from where?"

"Forks."

Her jaw dropped. "You drove all the way from Forks? Oh my god, Edward! That had to take you… I don't even know how long that would take!"

"Approximately 21 hours, if I'd had an alternate driver. I had to pull into a rest stop for some sleep though. Wasted hours. That's why I missed the funeral. I'm sorry."

She still looked dazed. "You drove on your own from Forks?"

"I couldn't fly – definitely not on my own – so I had no choice." It seemed rational in my head, but when it came out, I just sounded stupid. She had to think I was an idiot. Her big brown eyes were staring at me intently, even as they filled with tears.

"You drove for over a day just to be here with me?"

I nodded shyly, feeling very stupid. And outted. She had to think one of two things: I was a complete moron, or I was totally in love with her. In reality, both were correct.

"Oh… my god, Edward," she whispered, closing her eyes as the tears flooded out. Her wet lashes splayed across her cheeks. "This is… it's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done." She clung to me once more, just as she had in the entryway of Gran's house. "Thank you," she whispered into my chest. She repeated it over and over as the sobs finally came with her tears. Suddenly, I felt less stupid and more needed – more wanted – than ever.

"You must be exhausted, Edward. Let's get you home."

Her voice surprised me. I had been frozen in time, revelling in the feeling of being just what the girl of my dreams needed at the moment. Okay, she probably needed my brother more, but the cold hard truth was that it was _my_ arms she was in. Whether or not Jasper's excuses were valid, he had chosen not to come and support Bella. It took me another moment to comprehend what her words meant.

"You want me to leave?" I asked softly. "Now?" I hadn't thought the drive back would be so soon – okay, I had just before my body had rebelled and went straight to the front door. After Bella's greeting, I didn't think I could do it. I couldn't leave her just yet.

She sniffled loudly following a snicker. "You're so silly. Where would you go?"

"Home," I responded truthfully. "To Forks."

Reaching up, she swept my hair out of my eyes gently. "Right now, home is Gran's. She would adore you. You're coming home with me to Gran's."

I'm certain I looked like the biggest goof walking beside this beautiful girl when I felt like I should be floating. It must have been the exhaustion from the long drive. I hadn't ever thought of myself as sounding gay, even in my head. Geeky, yes. Gay, not so much.

Inside, Bella took me straight to the kitchen where her aunt, Kate, fixed me a fresh sandwich and Bella opened me a Coke before dishing out portions of various salads. It was obvious that the little girl who'd initially greeted me was Kate's – they were identical, aside from the pigtails. Tanya sat beside me at the table, staring at me so raptly it was freaking me out.

"Are you married?"

Bella laughed as she slid some silverware in front of me. "He's not married, honey. He's my age!"

"Oh. Can I marry you?"

My eyes shot to Bella for help. She smiled and winked at me, encouraging me to continue my banter with her cousin. "Um… I don't think your mom would like that very much," I responded as seriously as I could manage. "You should probably finish school first."

"Why do you wear those?" Her finger poked at my glasses, leaving a smudge where she touched.

Laughing, I removed them, using the bottom of my shirt to clean them. "Because I can't see without them." I reached out in front of me, grasping at air over the table. "Tanya? Tanya, where did you go?"

She giggled beside me. "I'm right here. Can I wear them?"

"Sure. I imagine that if you look through them, you'll probably see what I'm seeing without them. Just blobby blurs everywhere. Try it."

Her blue eyes were magnified behind my lens as we tried to look at each other. Bella and Kate were laughing at us when Bella's mom came in.

"Can you please keep it down? There are still guests here, and it's hardly appropriate to be having a private party in here while there are mourners out there."

"There's mourners here, too, Mom," Bella asserted. "We all handle it however we can."

She rolled her eyes more like an angsty teen than the mother of one and returned to her 'guests'.

Kate held her tongue until she was out of hearing range. "Guess that means Toe Wars are off for tonight. Tanya's been practicing, too. She would have beaten you this time."

The little girl giggled as Bella slid into the bench beside her, tickling her ribs. "You wish! You've got a lot of years yet before you get as good as me."

"Ah, but she has her Dad's toe span. Garrett has some hideous feet – that's why he never plays with us. But believe me, he'd reign over all of us. Tanya's the next best thing." Kate suddenly blushed and covered her face. "My god, we're behaving so rudely. Your friend doesn't know about our bizarre tradition –"

"Oh, he knows," Bella remarked, smiling at me. "He's even seen my technique."

Kate lifted her eyebrow in interest. "Is that right? Interesting. By the way, I want to apologize for earlier… I wish I'd been the first to the door. I'd have known you instantly. My sister… well, she clearly thought you were someone else."

"My brother." I nodded my understanding.

She smiled kindly my way. "I am sorry about that. Listen, kiddo…" Kate draped an arm over Bella's shoulder. "I would suggest you disappear shortly. Renee will be fed up with having visitors at any time now, and you don't want to be stuck on clean-up when you have a guest of your own. You two can hide out in my house for the night, if you'd like."

"Kate lives next door now," Bella explained to me. "Thanks, but I think I'd rather be here tonight. I feel closer to Gran –"

"Whatever's best for you, sweetie. Come on, little munchkin! Time to find Daddy and get you home." Tanya crawled over Bella to jump up in her mom's arms. Bella watched on with sadness in her eyes. I didn't know what it was about or what to say, so I said nothing and ate my sandwich.

Once I had shovelled in all of the salad and eaten every bite of the sandwich, I took my plate over to the sink to wash it up. Bella came up behind me and took it from my hand.

"You don't have to do this," she said softly – sadly.

"I came to help you. This is the least I can do… now that I'm here, I don't know what else to do."

Her eyes dropped to her feet. She looked so worn out.

"Bella? What can I do for you? Tell me, and I'll do anything I can to make today easier for you."

She didn't respond. She didn't move an inch, aside from her chest heaving in and out with deep breaths. It was then that I realized this was about Jazz. She needed him here with her, not me. Bella was too damned polite to say that. The reality was there was nothing I could do for her because I simply was not my brother.

"You must be exhausted," she said, breaking the awkward silence. "Let's go upstairs. You can rest."

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ First and foremost, thank you to kamackie21 for the Arizona university tips. I finally had the chance to go back and make the corrections and I really appreciate you letting me know. :) _

_Thanks to my beta-reader, Shug. And my pre-reading/bubbling life-line msj. Love you!_

_I also appreciate those of you who stick with me telling my story the way I want it told. I write the type of story I like to read myself, so I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my fic taste. LOL Now, at this point in the story, who would you rather have come to you at a time like Bella's having - an immature and self-centered b/f, or selfless BFF? Is it obvious to everyone but our narrator, Edward? _

_The next chapter was my favourite to write. It's a pivotal chapter, and it's got some angst in it. If ya don't like some angst with yer romance/friendship fics, skip it. Thanks for reading! XX ~ SR_


	8. Chapter 7

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 7**

Upstairs, Bella took me into a room, closing the door behind us. I looked around at the mix of personal items. There was a big stuffed dog sitting in a chair in the corner, posters of Kurt Cobain and the album cover for _'Nevermind'_. There was also the oddest looking plant on the window sill.

"This was your room?"

Bella smiled at me, pink flooding her cheeks. "Was and is. I didn't change anything when I moved back. You're the first boy I've ever had in my room." She giggled and squeezed her eyes shut. "Is it really horrible? From a guy's perspective?"

I shook my head. My heart pounded from the knowledge that Jasper hadn't been in here with her during his visit. "Not at all. I didn't realize you were a long-time grunge fan. What's your dog's name?"

"Pooks. Pooks the Pooch." She picked him up and hugged him as a little girl would. "Gran gave me this when my mom messed up. She brought home a real dog – a puppy – when we first moved here. I guess she thought it would make me miss Dad less or something, I don't know. I fell in love with him immediately, but he had to go. Gran is highly allergic. She felt horrible about the whole thing."

"Your mom didn't know?"

Bella shrugged. "My mom forgets a lot of details. Pretty much anything that doesn't pertain specifically to her. Same reason why she thought you were Jasper. She's seen pictures of Jazz – and you. Pictures of all of you. I talk about all of you all the time. Kate knows who each of you are. Mom's a different story. I'm really sorry about that. I hope you didn't feel too awkward."

Aro's repeated teachings of being forthright let me speak my truth. "It was awkward only because I knew you'd be disappointed that I wasn't Jazz."

She tried to smile for me, but the truth was told in her eyes. They were sad. Lonely. Hurt. "Why didn't he come?"

The moment of truth. Do I stand by my brother – the very guy who'd been there by my side my whole life – or do I tell the absolute truth? In the end, I figured that would hurt her more so I came out with a version of Jasper's truth, honouring my devotion to both of them. "He has a really important presentation first thing Monday. Couldn't risk missing it or he'd blow the whole term. He really wanted to be here for you." I watched one single tear roll down her cheek as she nodded. "And Rose was packed the day we found out, but she got hit by this stomach thing. She sent a package for you. I don't know what it is, but it's in my car. Mom sent some baked stuff, too. There's a lot of it. It was supposed to be for after the funeral… but I was late."

That got a brighter smile. Bella wiped the tear from her chin. "Even better. I'll share it with Kate and Garrett. More for us. I miss Esme. I miss all of you… so much." Tears pooled again, and she growled in frustration. "I'm really sick of crying! Cheer me up, Edward. Tell me what you've been up to. You look really great. Different – but great. I think college agrees with you."

"I don't know," I mumbled shyly. "I really like it, definitely. I think what you're seeing is more of Emmett's efforts than college, though. He's got me going to the gym."

"No!" Bella's eyes widened with her grin. "Kicking and screaming?"

I laughed. "Kind of. In the beginning. I actually like it now. I've lost about forty pounds."

"I can tell." Bella tilted her head, taking my new form in. It made me feel self-conscious. No one had really commented on my weight loss since they saw me every day and it was gradual.

"I like spending time with Emmett. He's a good guy."

"He is. Rosalie tells me how close you've gotten. I'm really happy about that."

I nodded, stuffing my hands in my pockets as I stared at the strange plant. Why was it so easy to write long-ass emails and talk for an hour on the phone? I felt like I had nothing to say now that I was here.

"Edward, you look like you're about to fall over. Lie down for a bit. You've got to be so tired."

"I didn't come here to sleep, Bella." I smirked at her. "I came for you. What do you need? What can I do? I feel so helpless. I don't even know if it's possible to feel better right now, but I can't stop wanting you to. And you probably want to be with your family."

Cocking an eyebrow at me, as she'd done a thousand times before, she hauled me over to her bed. "I'm right where I want to be at the moment, thank you. Now lie down. I'll just sit here with you, because seeing you makes me feel better. And even thinking of being downstairs with my mother just makes me angry."

I obeyed. "Okay. I take it you don't want to talk about your family."

"I don't want to talk about Mom. The others are fine. You were great with Tanya, by the way. Kate, too. You seem so much more confident. Still seeing Aro?"

I nodded as I let out a big yawn. "Not often. I mean, I can anytime I want to, but I don't feel like I need him so much now. I guess he was worth the money." Truthfully, the only thing he hadn't made any progress with was the whole killing my birth mother thing, and that was hopeless. No amount of money in the world could provide someone who could make me feel differently about that. The most I could do was try to be the best person I could, and when it was all over, hope that I'd done well enough to make Elizabeth want to meet me in the afterlife. Maybe I'd even do well enough that she'd forgive me.

Bella leaned back against the headboard, her hand resting on my head. "I think it's an investment your parents don't mind in the least. A content Edward is worth anything."

Her fingers twirled in my hair as she spoke softly. The sound of her voice and the gentle movements were soothing. I hadn't even realized how tired I actually was until I'd lain down. Content was certainly what I was feeling. Travel wariness settled in, and the absolute comfort Bella could provide me with took over my purpose of being here. I was with Bella. Bella was with me. It seemed surreal and yet her touch was very real. The sense of calm between us was also real. This feeling was something I could never achieve by merely thinking of her, or by being with her in my dreams at night.

It seemed like a dream when I woke some hours later. It was dark, and for a brief moment, I had no idea where I was. Then I felt her breath against my neck. Bella was curled up beside me, on top of her bed. I'd prevented her from actually getting in bed, under the covers, but before she had fallen asleep, she had covered us both with a soft blanket. I was still fully clothed, of course. I had no idea if Bella was also. All I knew was that her arm was slung over my chest, and just like earlier, my shirt was fisted in her hand. I could feel her knees pressed against me. Her head rested on the same pillow as mine, but it was angled downward as she slept on her side. The sensation of her warm breath on my skin lulled me back to sleep as I prayed that it wasn't all a dream after all.

~ 0 ~

"You're cute when you sleep."

The voice wasn't a surprise. I'd actually been awake for several minutes, still feeling her near, but for some reason afraid to open my eyes. I risked opening one. I could see a little better if I only used one eye when my glasses were off.

"Ha! I knew you weren't asleep! Faker!" Bella bolted up, slapping at me playfully.

I rubbed at my eyes before opening both of them. Damn. She wasn't exactly dressed… she wasn't _undressed_, but I hadn't seen her like this before. She had slept in a tank top and what looked remarkably like men's boxers. No bra. My eyes closed again by reflex, and I turned onto my side, drawing my knees up so she wouldn't detect the reaction one blurry glimpse of her had caused. "What time is it?"

"Um… ten-something? Around there."

"Shit," I groaned. "I came all this way just to sleep with you." She tittered beside me as I slapped a hand on my forehead. "You know what I mean… I'm sorry. You shouldn't have let me sleep so much. Now I've wasted all our time together."

Bella sat crossed-legged beside me, free of all blankets. "You needed the sleep. And I need food! I couldn't eat yesterday. Now I'm starving. Why don't you take a shower while I fix us some breakfast?"

"I should be making _you_ breakfast, Bella," I whined unintentionally. This whole coming to help Bella in her time of need thing was backfiring. She'd done nothing but take care of _me_ since I'd arrived.

"Don't argue with me. I haven't argued face-to-face with a Cullen in a long time, and if I start now, you'll take the brunt of it for every Cullen. I brought your bag in last night. It's over there by Pooks. Glasses are right beside you on the table. Come down whenever you're ready."

"Bella!" I called out as she reached the door. I sat up and put my glasses on. Fuck. Mistake. If she'd looked good with shitty sight, she was better than a centerfold to me now. "Does your mom know… is it all right that I'm here?"

She shook her head at me as she laughed. "You worry too much. It's fine. See you downstairs."

I was amazed by how together Bella was. Just fourteen hours earlier when I'd arrived, she'd looked tired and pale – utterly worn out. And lonely. The spark was relit this morning. She was the same girl I'd fallen for two years ago. The constant smile and glint of amusement in her eyes. God, I'd missed her. And I'd miss her even more now that I'd had another dose.

I could smell bacon and coffee when I made my way down the stairs after I'd showered and dressed. I heard the radio come on, and Bella singing along.

"Bye-bye, love. Bye-bye happiness… hel-lo loneliness. I feel like I could cry-y…"

It immediately put a smile on my face, but it dropped when I got to the doorway. Renee was at the table in a ratty old housecoat, her head in her hands. "Bella. Stop."

She sang louder.

"BELLA, STOP!" Renee shouted. "Don't do this."

Bella slammed the pan down on the stove as she drained the bacon grease. "It's Gran's favourite! Not that you'd know –"

"I'm aware of that. Why do think I'm asking you to stop?"

"Oh, maybe because your hangover is putting you in a bitch of a mood today?"

"Bella, this is not the time. I've just buried my mother!"

All of the happiness in Bella's face from earlier was gone, her sing-along ruined. With slumped shoulders, she turned back to the stove and hummed along sadly to the Everly Brothers' song. I didn't know what to do with myself. I wished I'd been six feet back and I could simply go back upstairs, wait it out and re-enter as though I hadn't witnessed anything. But I wasn't. So I cleared my throat and walked into the kitchen slowly.

"Good morning," I said, not too cheerily or loud.

Renee's scowl turned into a grin. "Good morning, Edward. We were just making some breakfast."

I looked over at Bella rolling her eyes and gave her a smile. "Why don't you stay where you are, and I'll help Bella finish up."

"Can you do toast?" she asked, stepping over so she was practically leaning on me.

"I can manage toast, sure."

"Can you handle absentee mothers who try to take over late in life?" she whispered, drawing a chuckle out of me. We finished up breakfast together in comfortable silence.

Bella made some excuse for us dashing out as soon as we finished eating, and we headed back to the park we'd been on our first walk, bringing Tanya along. Bella and I sat on the swings of the deserted park, watching Tanya go up and down the slide.

"You handled small talk with Renee very gracefully this morning. Thank you for that. Kept her off my back."

I chuckled, dragging the toes of my shoes in the sand beneath my swing. "Want me to take her with me when I go?"

"Would you? Yeah, that'd be great!" Bella teased back.

"I'd rather take you."

I regretted blurting that out the moment Bella's swing stopped. Looking over at her, she had her face buried in her hands.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's not you," Bella argued, still burying her face. "I'm just so emotional. God, I hate this… I don't know what I'm thinking or feeling. It changes from one minute to the next –"

"That's expected. You're dealing with a lot."

"Edward! You have to… just give me a minute, okay?"

I sat completely still in a position that allowed me to watch both Bella next to me, and Tanya playing across the playground.

"Thank you – for waiting. I'm okay now."

"Sure," I responded quietly. More than anyone, I knew what it was like to be overloaded with emotion and just need silence to get my thoughts together. I decided to go further and let her set the new pace. It was several minutes before she said anything else.

"She can do this for hours," Bella announced lazily. "We may be awhile."

"I should be thinking of heading out soon."

Twisting the chains on her swing, she turned sideways to face me as she grabbed onto my swing. "What if I asked you to stay?"

I stared at her dumbly. I didn't want to make the same mistake I had when I thought she was asking me to go to Phoenix with her in the first place.

"Sorry. Shit! I can't stop doing the wrong thing! I have no right to ask you that. You've got classes finishing up this week too –"

"I don't," I assured her. "My college has a different schedule. I don't have any tests coming, and I can get missed assignments. Em will catch me up. Do you want me to stay another day?"

I don't know how she managed to look so freaking happy and utterly sad at the same time, but she did as she nodded enthusiastically.

"Okay then. Tanya sure makes that slide look like fun. Wanna try?"

I got another nod, so I stood up and attempted to untangle her chain but only made it worse. I cursed under my breath, halting the motion to allow it to unravel on its own as she twisted around and around. By the end, she was laughing again. And dizzy. She fell against me as she stood up.

"Are you drunk, Ms Swan?" I teased as she clung to me yet again.

"I have a child I'm responsible for at the moment. I can't get drunk."

I huffed as I steadied her. "Lucky I'm here then. I'll just have to take care of both of you."

Bella plunked herself down on the ground to watch Tanya chasing me around the slide and monkey bars. I let her catch me and then hung her on the bars, my hands gripping her at the waist while she giggled and screeched. I figured I was doing an okay job of entertaining her by the way Bella laughed from the side. I honestly had no idea what to do with a kid. Tanya took it from there. The moment I set her feet back on the ground, she began tugging me towards the slide. I proceeded up the steps as she pushed on my ass with both hands. Bella laughed at my affronted expression and keeled over when I zipped down the slide, landing in the dirt at the bottom.

"I now see how you broke your arm bowling!"

"Shush. I told you I don't have luck with these things." I laughed along with her when she extended her hand to help me up. "Nothing's broken at least – except my pride."

"Watch me, Edward! This is how you do it!" Tanya had no problem sliding down and landing on her feet for about the hundredth time in the hour. "Come with me. I'll show you!"

Bella nodded with a smirk. "She'll take care of you, don't worry."

"This is how Daddy taught me," Tanya told me, as though she was about to teach me the meaning of life. She took my hand and sat down at the top of the slide. "Now go behind me, 'cause you're big like Daddy." I did as I was told, because what else was there to do? I couldn't slide, but this five-year-old was willing to school my ass. "Hold on tight, Edward!"

She pushed off with her hands, and we flew down together. In the two-point-five seconds it took to reach the bottom, I did a rapid prayer not to injure her. We landed safely – both of us – with our feet on the ground and asses still on the slide. Tanya stood beaming at me while Bella clapped for us.

"Now it's your turn."

Bella took her little hand immediately and headed over to the slide. "Step aside, Crash, we're pros, and I don't want you to get hurt!"

Their dismount was astounding, both landing upright with a little bounce. I bowed at their excellence.

"Your turn again!" Tanya smiled up at me.

"Yeah, I think I could do this again. Let's go." The second time went even better, and when we stood this time, Bella was rushing to the ladder.

"Come on, Cullen. It's our turn!"

I laughed as I climbed up after her. "Um, I'm not saying that your butt's big or anything, but it is larger than Tanya's, and I don't think this is gonna work." Yeah, there was no way my legs could fit around hers without some very intimate contact.

Bella scoffed, and managed some sort of gymnastic move to elevate herself above the slide so I could fit. "You're not as big as you think. I keep telling you that. Sit."

Once again, I did as I was told. My ass was hanging mostly off the top step, but I needed to leave room for Bella to sit in front of me.

"Skooch!"

"Skooch?"

"Move up! Quick! I can't hold this position forever!"

I skooched, and Bella sat. On my lap… sort of. Her legs were inside mine, but her butt was…

"Here we go! Hang on!"

Best two-point-five seconds of my life!

~ 0 ~

Renee wasn't home when we returned, so Bella took two-thirds of my mom's goodies, and we took them and Tanya next-door. Kate and Garrett insisted we have dinner with them. I wasn't used to dinner at 4:30, but I wasn't going to be rude. Once I began eating, I realized that I'd built up quite a hunger playing in the park. I started laughing while four faces looked on in wonder.

"Sorry, I was just thinking that this was the first time I actually played in a park – on park equipment. Tanya is quite coercive."

"They don't have parks in Washington?" Kate asked with amusement.

"Sure. Just none that are equipped for me. I stayed clear of those things no matter how much my brother and sister tried to get me out there. They'd even bribe me."

Kate and Garrett laughed, Bella smiled, but her eyes fell to her plate. Damn. I'd brought up Jasper again without even thinking. I refrained from further chatter so I wouldn't upset her more.

I helped Kate clear the table when we finished and began rinsing off the plates.

"Would you two want to keep me and Tanya company for a little while before you go? Garrett has to leave for work."

That would explain the mid-afternoon meal. "He works nights?"

"Rotating shifts. He's a prison guard. He was going to call in to stay home with us, but then Renee went out so he felt better about leaving us. Sometimes my sister can be tough to deal with. We don't need that right now."

I was astounded by how forthcoming she was.

"You know how she can be – you're Bella's best friend. I'm sure you hear all about it."

Several things happened at that moment: I became very aware of all the times Bella mentioned her mom in our talks, but I'd never fully grasped how I'd never heard her talk about her with others. And, Kate was under the impression that I was her niece's best friend – not Rosalie, not Jasper – me. I was Bella's best friend.

"Bella hangs out with us most evenings anyway, until it's time to talk to some Cullens." Kate smiled broadly at me. "I figure having you here in person is better. I know it's doing a world of good for Bella. She's been strong – for Gran and all – but now that she's really gone… I don't know how she's going to deal with Renee. I'll be here with her, of course. But, gosh, she really needed a friend right now. I haven't seen her smile like this… This is good. Very good." Kate rubbed my arm affectionately and wiped away some tears as she chuckled and mumbled to herself as she busied her hands with the remaining dishes. If I wasn't so stunned, I may have teared up as well.

Once Garrett left for his shift, we took slices of one of Esme's pies out to the back patio to enjoy the cool evening air. Tanya coerced me into a match of The Memory Game – Barney Edition. Not having played with a child before, I didn't realize you were supposed to let them win. I didn't have a clue what any of the little pictures on the tiles were, but having a lifetime of experience in observing, I cleaned her clock on the first game.

"Guess the marriage is off," Bella teased when she pouted over the loss. She then pinched Tanya's calf with her toes, starting a new game of their own. I watched in amazement as the three of them had a playful toe-pinch battle – that is, until Bella turned her attack on me.

"Ouch!" I exclaimed in shock. "That actually hurts!"

Kate and her daughter laughed at me. "He's soft. If you'd really displayed our family talent, he'd be used to that."

"I've only seen her annihilate marshmallows," I countered. "She's never turned against me before."

"Pinch back!" Tanya encouraged me eagerly.

I felt my ears heating up as I shook my head, denying her request. "No… I can't…"

Bella rescued me from further embarrassment and harassment from Tanya by saying we had to go. I did plan to hit the road early the next day, and I had to be well-rested before making the journey back home. Once back at Gran's, Bella suggested we go straight upstairs. She didn't want to encounter her mom if and when she came home.

I removed Pooks from the chair and took a seat, smirking. "This way, if I doze off, I'm not keeping you from your bed. Um, where should I sleep tonight?"

"Right here," Bella responded without hesitation. "I want to have every minute I can with you." She tried to hide the fact that her eyes had welled up again, but it was pointless. "I'm sorry. It's just all hitting me now. Kate and I have had a lot of talks about this – how you've got to pay attention to the details in life while you can. It's so easy to get caught up in life… school, work, family. And you don't see what you have right in front of you. I missed the last of Gran's best days. This disease took her so fast."

I sat forward in the chair when she paused to blow her nose. I wanted her to continue. She needed to get this out.

"You so don't need this." Her voice was muffled behind the tissue. "This is more than you bargained for, right?"

I shook my head, replying, "I'm here for whatever you need."

She smiled, closing her eyes. She inched up and turned so her back was against the wall. I had a view of her profile, and I took those moments to study and memorize every detail of it. She was beautiful, even when she was blotchy and sad. "You're so sincere. I hope nothing ever changes you. But honestly, if I get too much for you, or I'm annoying you, or you need to go to sleep, just tell me to shut the fuck up."

Chuckling, I shook my head. "Never. You're one of a very few people I enjoy talking to. No matter what the subject matter. I'll listen to anything you want to say."

She quirked one eyebrow my way. "You may regret that."

"Never," I reiterated.

"Gran was more like my mom, growing up. I don't mean she was like Renee, I mean she was more of a mother to me than a grandmother. She took care of me, even when Mom made one of her brief reappearances into my life. But she was more than a mother figure; she was my friend and mentor. She told me awesome stories, taught me so much about life and people. The one thing she hoped for more than anything with me is that I wouldn't run off like my mom did. Renee used that against me to get me home. She told me I was being just like she was when she met my dad. Nothing was more important to her than Charlie… not even her family. It broke Gran's heart when she told her she was pregnant at eighteen. And that she was marrying my dad and staying in Washington. She knew it wouldn't work out for them. My mom has always been impulsive. I couldn't break her heart too, by staying there for Jasper."

Her voice had dwindled to almost a whisper. It killed me that I felt jealous every time she said my brother's name, but it killed me more that she was hurting so much.

"You're not your mother, Bella. You did what you needed to for yourself, and for Gran. If it's worth anything, I think you made the right choice. My mom's worked with some Alzheimer's patients, and she says some of them remember particular things very clearly while common things are just gone from their reach. I know you must have been just as important to Gran as she was to you."

That's when she lost it. Full sobs and forceful tears. Her whole body shook as she hugged her knees and wept. I felt helpless and completely heartless sitting there in the chair while she broke down. I stood. I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans and then shoved them in my pockets. Then I pulled them out and started to reach for her, instead pulling them back to run through my hair. I think I groaned in my frustration. Probably uttered a whispered curse too.

"I'm making this so uncomfortable for you," Bella said with a heavy sigh.

"No… it's just, I don't know what to do. Do you want me to –" I held my arms out to her and then dropped them quickly, doubting that was what she wanted at all.

Looking up at me with huge, tortured eyes, she nodded and held her own arms out. The connection wasn't graceful. I rushed to her, half falling off the edge of the bed as I tried to grab her and sit at the same time. I then tried standing, bending to hug her, but that was no better. She knelt on the bed, arms around my neck and her head on my shoulder. I lifted her off, setting her down on the floor gently. My heart pounded as she stared up into my eyes. I felt like our souls were connected. I could feel every bit of her pain and sadness, and only wished I could absorb it all for her. At least, I was here to share it with her.

I began singing an old song I thought she'd know, very softly, "When I want you, in my arms… when I want you, and all your charms…"

A smile grew on her face and she sang the next line. "Whenever I want you, all I have to do is drea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream…"

We started swaying gently back and forth, her hands locked behind my neck, and mine gripping her waist. "When I feel blue, in the night…"

"And I need you, to hold me tight…"

"Whenever I want you…" We alternated lines, and then sang together. It was bittersweet and so very telling on my end. I don't know why I'd chosen that particular Everly Brothers' song, but it seemed like the right thing for the moment. It connected us even further. She knew I understood her pain, and understanding was about the only thing I could do for her.

There seemed to be an electrical current coursing between us as we stood silently staring into each other's eyes. It actually hurt when she released me, cutting off the contact as she returned to her bed. She slid over and directed me to sit beside her, back to the wall. Then, she was in my arms again. Cuddled up against me like a little girl – a heartbroken and scared little girl. It didn't take long to acclimate myself to this new routine between us. She felt right in my arms. Time seemed to freeze for us as the tension vanished from our bodies. I was where I needed to be – where _she _needed me to be. _Everything_ felt right.

She began talking to me again from our relaxed hold on each other. Her head was nestled between my cheek and shoulder, so her soft voice seemed very intimate as she poured her heart out. "Jasper wants me to come back to Washington. He's going to move to Seattle next year. Go to UW like we'd planned."

I didn't respond. I knew part of Jasper's moodiness was related to his own deferred plans for school. I had never understood why he didn't continue on with his own plans even when Bella chose Phoenix.

"I'm torn. I had always thought I'd transfer if I didn't have a reason to be here anymore." Her voice dropped lower with fresh pain of her loss coursing through her. "Mom wants to sell the house."

"She's talking about that already?" I interjected in shock.

Bella snorted softly. "Yeah. Gran wasn't even in the ground when she had the deed in her hand. Kate was beyond pissed. I've never seen her so angry. I guess the emotions were just so raw… but she tore into Mom like never before. You know how I said that Gran's been more like a mother to me? Well, Katie is more like a big sister to me. We have fun together and share stuff, but she looks out for me. Kinda like you and Rose. Hearing her rip my mother a new one for being so anxious to run out on me again really surprised me. It's weird, because I'm beyond needing my mom for anything at this point. I'm an adult with my own life. I've got this far without her, so what does it matter?

"When Katie laid it all out, pointing out how irresponsible she's been her whole life, it opened my eyes. Sure, Kate has Garrett and Tanya, but that's all she has left of family besides me. She can't count on her sister for anything. I know she's torn up about the thought of someone else owning the house we grew up in. It's just too soon to even bring that up. But she sees it like my mom is deserting me again, this time leaving me completely homeless."

"You're not though. You'll always have your dad."

I felt Bella's head nod her understanding. "I know. But that's my mom making my decisions for me once again. Forcing me to alter my life, yet again. I don't know what I want to do, Edward. I just don't know. It's tearing me up. I love Katie and Tanya. Garrett's like a brother to me. I hate leaving them. I feel like I'd be leaving Gran, too. I feel her in every inch of this house. If I leave it, I'm scared that she'll leave me. Do you understand?"

I fought the lump in my throat to respond. "You can't think of what other people want you to do, Bella. My parents have spent a lot of money for a guy to get this one message through to me, and I'm gonna share it with you – you cannot live your life for other people. You won't find happiness being what others want you to be. Live for yourself, Bella. Trust yourself. And have faith that the people who truly are important will stick by you no matter what."

"Aro's pretty smart. And so are you," she whispered before planting a kiss on my jaw. "Thank you, Edward. That's the best advice you've ever given me, and there's been lots of it."

This time, Bella fell asleep before I did. We had slid down in the bed, but otherwise, our positions remained the same. I spent hours in the darkness thinking of all the advice she had given me since she'd come into my life. I'd always thought it was unbalanced – she had helped me far more than she would ever know. Yet, I had a whole new sense that somehow, without even knowing it, I had done something for her too. I had made a difference just by being myself. Just by loving her as best I could.

~ 0 ~

It was still dark when Bella walked me to my car. I had managed to get a few hours of very solid sleep after she had finally settled down. She had slept fitfully at first, twitching and moaning in her slumber. This morning, she still had dark circles under her eyes, but they were bright. The look of turmoil she'd had the previous night was gone.

"You sure you had enough sleep?"

"I'm great, yeah."

"I can fix you breakfast before you go."

"I'll grab something when I stop for coffee in a while. Thanks, though."

"Be careful driving. Call me to let me know you're home safe. Call me along the way, actually. I'm going to worry about you."

I smiled at her shyly and nodded my agreement.

"Thanks for coming here, Edward. And staying."

"Yeah. No problem."

This extended goodbye was torturous. And awkward. After spending hours nestled together, it seemed I should grab her up one last time, yet outside in the real world the sense that it was wrong of me to want that returned.

"So, give my love to… everyone."

"Sure. I will. Say goodbye to Kate and everyone for me."

"Your future wife." She went with teasing. I got the feeling she felt the awkwardness too.

I chuckled at her joke.

"Oh! Wait here. I forgot something!" She tore off up the driveway and into the house, returning moments later with the strange little plant from the window in her room.

She hugged the little pot and smiled up at me. "Gran had a mad love for cacti… as you can tell." We both took in the landscaping in her front yard, filled with various cacti. "Remember you said that sometimes Alzheimer's patients recall things that are really important to them? Apparently, Gran had a White Ghost Cactus in her yard when she was a little girl. It was her favourite. I found this baby one for her just before her fall. It went to the hospital with her. I want you to have it."

No mouth gaped open. "N-no! I… I can't… I can't take this," I stammered. "You should have it, Bella. It's important to you."

"You really don't have a clue, do you?" she asked in a strangely low voice.

"Generally speaking, no. No, I really don't."

She laughed and sobbed simultaneously as she hugged me with one arm. The other held the little cactus plant away from us so we would be pricked by it. "You're important to me, Edward. _You._ Please take it. Gran would approve. Every time I think of her, I'll think of you and vice versa. She would want…" A sharp sob cut her off. "It should be with you. It's what she would want."

"Okay," I said softly, conceding and accepting the gift.

"It's what I want." Bella stared up at me with her hand holding onto the back of my neck.

"Okay," I whispered in a hoarse voice, all other words completely wiped from my vocabulary.

"Sometimes I think –" Bella stopped herself, closing her eyes for a moment. "I wonder if I made the wrong choice. I wonder if I'm with the wrong brother."

I pulled away from her abruptly, backing myself against my car. The pot almost dropped from my hand, it was shaking so badly. "Don't say that, Bella." _This was wrong… this was so very wrong…_

Her lip quivered before she clapped her hands over her mouth. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never should have –"

"Forget it. It's fine. We'll just forget it. I should go, though. Really."

She nodded, her hands still over her mouth as tears flowed down her cheeks and over them. "I've ruined it."

I set my cactus down on the roof of my car and took her hands in mine. Our fingers threaded together and locked that way. "You've ruined nothing, Bella. You're my best friend. You'll always be my best friend."

"You're holding my hands," she uttered in awe, staring at our new physical link. "You've never let me touch your hands this way."

"I've never let _anyone_ touch my hands this way," I replied softly. "You're important to me too, Bella. I want you to know that."

"Best friends?" She smiled up at me, her lip still quivering.

"Best friends."

Five miles from her house, I pulled into a vacated lot of a strip mall. I threw open my car door and heaved violently, the sickness coming even before the anxiety attack. My entire body shook and broke out in sweat as I fought for air. Why did she say that? Why? I'd messed with her emotions by coming here instead of Jasper. She was confused. She wasn't thinking clearly. I knew how that was, and I fully understood how it was to blurt out inappropriate things, but why did she have to say _that_? It changed everything. I could no longer pretend that my private longing for my brother's girlfriend wasn't hurting anyone. I'd been tempted, for the briefest moment, to kiss her… to tell her that she was right. She _had_ chosen the wrong brother. I wanted to tell her that I loved her more than any man would ever love her. I always had. Over the months and months of adoring her in my own way, I had convinced myself it had nothing to do with Jasper, but it did. It had everything to do with him. I could never tell the girl he loved that I was better for her. Even if it was true.

Aro had worked on me enough to see that it was true. I believed it in my heart and soul.

But Jasper was my brother. Brothers were always brothers. Brothers didn't hurt each other this way. As much as the felt the pain searing through my body in the empty lot, I knew it would be much worse if I hurt Jasper. This hurt worse than the beating I'd taken defending my sister. I had to defend my brother from myself.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ As always, thanks to Shug for fixing me up. And msj for lifting me up. :) Those who've taken the time to leave a comment, I heart you. Thanks for reading. See you next week. XX ~ SR_


	9. Chapter 8

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 8**

I made the phone calls along the way that I had promised to make. We kept them short and sweet – made jokes of them in an attempt to erase the last scene from our minds. I returned home to an email from Bella, thanking me again. And apologizing again. She blamed it on her lack of emotional control. And mentioned something about bad timing and hormonal fluctuations. I didn't understand that part, and didn't want to. I convinced myself that it had been a case of verbal diarrhea in her emotional state – or transplanted feelings in her time of need. I was there; Jasper was not. Now that neither of us was near Bella, it would return to normal. She could care about me as a friend but still love my brother. I could bury my heartache over never being able to have the girl of my dreams and carry on as usual. There was no other way.

Jasper was concerned with how Bella was coping, of course. Other than that, he didn't question me about how we'd spent our time together, or what we'd done. He trusted me. That sent my guilt skyrocketing, because he had no idea how close I'd been to stabbing him in the back.

Neither Bella nor I mentioned our parting scene again. We simply carried on – as best friends.

~ 0 ~

"I'm going into Seattle for the weekend, scouting out housing. Wanna come?" Jasper flopped on my bed and started scanning through my iPod to see if I had anything new.

"So you're going for sure then?"

"Yep. I feel like I'm stagnating here. I'll have a better chance of getting into a really good law school coming from U-Dub. Plus, there's better action in Seattle."

I chuckled as I shut down my email from Bella. We didn't write every day, just most days. It had been a couple of days, so this was a longer one catching me up on everything going on in Phoenix. She wasn't expecting an immediate response. "More distractions though."

"Nah. I can be very focused when I know what I want."

"What's Rose gonna do without you? She'll have no one to practice her intelligent insults on." I smirked at him as he dropped my iPod and turned onto his side.

"Twin connection, bro. I'll still feel the sting of her thoughts from four hours away. Hey, what the hell is that thing? I keep meaning to ask you."

I turned my head to his line of sight. He was asking about my cactus. "It's a plant. A cactus," I stated, not giving up details unless necessary.

"Obviously."

I shrugged, trying to be casual about it. "It's a White Ghost."

He smirked at me. "It needs a tan almost as badly as you do. You a closet botanist now? You know what type of cactus it is?"

Trying to brush him off, I reminded him of when he could name every dinosaur alphabetically. "And you still have your fossil collection on display, right?"

"Whatever. That's part of history. It won't ever die. How will you even know when this thing is dead?"

I just rolled my eyes at him. "Want to grab some lunch?" _And get the hell out of my room?_

He didn't take the bait. When he stood, he went over for a closer look. I cringed, knowing that my other items from Bella sat beside it and hoped he wouldn't question those as well. The lemonade cap was upside down, with the stone wedged in it, so maybe he wouldn't notice. He was bent at the waist, examining the cactus closely. Just when I thought he was about to let it go, he picked up the cap and started tossing it back and forth between his hands.

I was a statue, watching it fly from hand to hand. What if he walked out with it, thinking it was trash? What would I say? Did he even realize it was heavier than it should be? "Come on, man. Emmett worked the shit out of me at the gym this morning. I'm fucking starving!"

Jasper palmed my cap, staring at me as he leaned against my window sill that housed my most vital items. "Heard from Bella lately?"

"Yeah. I was just writing her back. I'll finish up later."

"Yeah? What did she say?"

My heart pounded for no sound reason. "She was just telling me about her cousin's school play. You met Tanya at Christmas, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. Cute kid. Anything else?"

"Just talking about final marks and summer job prospects. She might work in the cafeteria at the prison. Did she tell you?"

Jasper nodded slowly and hummed. "I'm not crazy about that idea."

"Yeah, but Garrett wouldn't put her into an unsafe situation. She'll be in the kitchen, not out on the front line with the inmates." This seemed like the oddest conversation to be having with him. He rarely talked to me about Bella these days and had never questioned what we talked about or when we talk. I noticed his eyes dip down to his hands. He was still for a moment and completely silent, which was beginning to freak me out.

"Speaking of food… diner?" He placed the cap down, stone-side up with a slap. "Let's get out of here."

~ 0 ~

My sister and Emmett decided to join us for the weekend in Seattle. Since my birthday was next week, they would combine the two events. I was doubly glad – less fuss on my birthday, and I wouldn't be alone with Jasper for the entire weekend. Emmett was driving, and Rosalie had stayed over there so Jasper and I were supposed to go meet them in the morning. I had a bitch of a time getting Jazz out of bed. I took the verbal abuse, but when he lobbed a trophy near his bed at me, I drew the line and slammed out of his room telling him to go fuck himself then. I called Rosalie and asked her if they could just pick me up instead.

By the time they arrived, Jasper was downstairs, still wet from the rapid shower and very apologetic. He was still in an ornery mood, but at least he'd apologized. I got more apologies from Rose when I went out to load our bags in the vehicle.

"I'm sorry, Alice asked if she could come, and I didn't know what to say! She broke up with this guy she's been seeing last night. She's really upset."

"Should be a fun trip," I grumbled.

Alice needed a pit stop before we were even an hour into the journey. I was fine with that. I needed a break from her incessant chatter. Upset Alice reverted to talkative Alice, and she was wedged in between Jasper and I in the back.

"I'm going in for a coffee," I announced, following Alice into the service station. Rose followed me, purchasing coffee for all. She insisted I ride up front with Emmett for the duration, proving she was the best sister ever.

Thankfully, we were able to get another room at the hotel or I would have tossed myself off the balcony if our unexpected guest had been a third roommate for me. We split up after an hour at the hotel, with Jasper and I hitting up three apartments he had arranged to check out. He was in a much better mood by then, so it was actually an enjoyable afternoon. He eliminated one without even stepping inside when we saw rat droppings at the top of the staircase by the vacant apartment. The other two were great. He just needed to choose whether he wanted to be closer to campus and have a furnished apartment, or pay a little less and buy his own shit. Ultimately, it would be Mom and Dad's decision, since they would be paying. I filmed both apartments on our walkthrough so he'd remember all the details of each.

We went to a bar and grill that had some live music and a relaxed drinking policy. Emmett was the only one legal, but they didn't bat an eye when Jasper ordered a beer for himself. The food was good and completely unhealthy – something which I'd been limiting myself to since I'd lost the excess weight. I'd managed to drop a few more pounds, even with adding a bit of muscle when Emmett started me on the heavier weights. The odd night of deviation wouldn't kill me. The performers were amazing as well. All in all, a successful night out for me.

"Having fun, almost-birthday boy?" Rosalie slid into the booth beside me when we were left at the table alone at one point late in the night.

Nodding, I slumped against her. "I just wish Bella was with us like last year."

I heard Rose take a sharp breath. "Don't say that around Jazz, okay? I think they're having some major issues right now. It's touchy."

I sat up straight to look at my sister. I hadn't heard from Bella since the day in my room with Jasper. I'd sent her another email, telling her we were headed out for the weekend, but she could text me. I hadn't heard from her in any format. "Jasper didn't say a thing. What's going on?"

She shrugged. "Don't really know. He hasn't said anything to me either. Emmett told me."

"How did Emmett know?"

"He got it from Alice."

I rolled my eyes. "So we don't really know what's going on then, do we? Somebody told somebody and all that shit. They're probably fine. He just gets pissy every now and then. Probably means it's time for a visit."

"That's just it…" Rosalie bent her head close to mine. "He had a flight booked, but he cancelled it. Don't ask for more details – that's all I know."

I whistled out my disbelief. It was standard practice with our brother that if he wanted to talk about something, he'd talk. We weren't to broach touchy subjects. It now concerned me that I hadn't heard from Bella at all. It wasn't the longest term of silence we'd had, but it didn't sit right.

Another thing that didn't sit right was Jasper's indulgence with the beer. He was currently feeling no pain, and there was no indication he was upset in the least by relationship woes. In fact, he and Alice were tearing up the dance floor.

"Looks like someone's getting right back on the horse," Emmett commented, watching his sister dance with Jasper and another guy at the same time.

"Uh-huh," Rose and I said together.

"But who's the horse?" Rosalie hissed under her breath.

Emmett and I both heard and exchanged looks. "Maybe we should corral them and call it a night."

Rosalie was on her feet in a flash, grabbing her purse, along with Alice's. She marched onto the floor, said something in Jasper's ear, tapped Alice on the shoulder and hauled her outside. Emmett grabbed our bill, and I went to split it with him.

"Nah, man. It's our treat. I'll collect from Jasper later, don't worry. He owes me a third, plus damage control fees."

I smirked back at my friend. "Make sure he pays."

"Sorry about my sister crashing the party." Emmett was very sincere with his apology and seemed concerned.

"It's not a big deal, Em. She's family. If we were doing this at home, she'd be along anyway. Don't worry." I wanted him to know I appreciated how he'd taken me under his wing and let him know that we were willing to do the same with his sister – just as long as it was all of us, not Jasper, specifically.

Back at the hotel, Alice went to her room, and Rosalie asked me to give her and Jasper a minute, so I went to their room with Emmett. We scanned the porn options, making cracks about the very limited selection.

"I may have to kill your brother if he puts Rosalie in a bad mood and there's not even a decent flick for me to kill time with. Just warning you."

"Hey, Em… what's the deal with him cancelling his trip to Phoenix?"

He shrugged, shaking his head. "No idea, really. Alice was just on a rant about the airline not refunding his ticket. I didn't even know he had it booked. He had talked about it when he missed road tripping with you, but then I hadn't heard anything else."

"Bella hasn't mentioned it either," I commented.

"Well, she wouldn't. It's tricky when there's other relationships involved. Like, if Rose and I were to split… God forbid…" He crossed himself and looked to the heavens. "I wouldn't bring it to you or Jasper, because I'd still think of you as friends but respect that she's your sister. Know what I mean?"

Emmett earned even more respect for his sentiments, and I prayed that Bella felt the same. I knew she respected the siblings part – she had never said a bad thing about Jasper. The days of silence from her at this particular time was killing me though.

Whatever my sister said to Jasper in our room stayed between them, but it left him in a somber mood the next day. We made the trip home in awkward silence, Rose wedged between Alice and Jasper in the back, and Emmett and I making small talk in the front.

I had it in mind that if I still hadn't heard from Bella by the time I got home, I would call her. There was an email waiting for me. No mention of a cancelled trip. No mention of Jasper at all. All seemed normal.

~ 0 ~

Emmett and I had signed up for a week long field training course, shadowing paramedics and observing ER staff with their emergency care. The training was in Port Angeles, so we shared a room there rather than making the drive back and forth every day. We returned totally psyched about the EMT program. I was psyched about my life in general. For the first time, I was feeling confident in myself and my decisions. I'd thought being in a different environment might freak me out, but it helped that one person responsible for boosting my self-esteem was there with me. I didn't feel like a freak. No one saw me as the reject Cullen. I was just a paramedic-in-training with nobody having preconceived judgements about me. It was liberating.

Emmett came in with me when he brought me home, and Rosalie practically attacked us at the door. Our parents were gone for the weekend, but she made up for their absence questioning us for three. After filling her in on the week's excitement, I headed upstairs to give them some privacy. I tossed my bag on the floor inside my room before going to the washroom for a quick shower. I was exhausted, but I wanted to send Bella a quick email before I hit the sheets.

"Jesus Christ, Jasper! You scared the shit out of me!" Turning the light on in my room, I spotted him sitting by my desk. I leaned back on my door, one hand on my chest against my pounding heart and the other holding my towel up. "Fuck, man! What are you doing here sitting in the dark?"

"Just waiting for you," he replied casually. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"Good thing." I snapped, moving to my closet to dig out a pair of sweats. "Nothing like shitting your pants when you aren't wearing any." I turned to look at my brother. He didn't even crack a grin at my joke. "What's going on?"

"How was your training?"

I turned my back to him to dress quickly as I responded. "Good. Great, actually. It was a great week. Learned a lot." Something was off. Jasper didn't look interested in really hearing about my week. "How was your week?"

"Bella and I broke up."

_Thump._

_Thump._

_Thump-thump._

_Thump-thump-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP…_

"What?" I turned to face him.

"We. Broke. Up." He stared blankly as his staccato words were spoken.

"What the fuck? What happened?"

He shrugged, not moving in any way otherwise.

"Are you okay?" He was giving me the creeps, just sitting there staring at me.

"It wasn't working. I guess it's for the best."

He must have made the trip after all. Jasper wasn't one to squander money, so if his ticket wasn't going to be refunded, he probably went instead. And broke up with her… or did she break up with him? Why didn't Rosalie say anything?

"Does Rose know?"

"Nope." He kept his eyes on me, eerily unmoving. "I thought you'd want to know first."

This was weird. Really weird. When he broke up with Maria, he came to me all crying and shit. Then he got over it. His relationship with Maria wasn't nearly as intense as the one with Bella. He should be upset. He should be crying now. He should be… doing something. And until he did, how was I supposed to know what I should be doing?

"You're not okay," I commented quietly. "Wanna talk?"

He shook his head. "Not really."

"Go for a drive or something?"

"Nope. Thanks."

I didn't know what was more frustrating – my heart that refused to slow down to a normal pace, or my brother's lack of useful response. "Jazz, I'm sorry, man. I don't know what to say."

His tongue flicked out, wetting his lips before the bottom one disappeared into his mouth. He nodded slowly. "Yeah. Me neither." Finally, he broke his eye contact and stood. "Really, I just thought you'd want to know."

"If you need anything –"

Now he smirked. "Sure. Bro. I know you'll be here, right?"

I nodded. _What the fuck…_

"You forgot this." He tossed something back on my desk before he brushed past me and exited my room.

I flinched as his door closed with a bang, and then turned to look at my desk. I already knew what he was referring to – I just had to confirm it was my malachite stone and cap. I'd realized my mistake when I was getting changed the first time in Port Angeles. My Bella talisman was sitting beside me at my desk at home when I wrote to say goodbye for the week. Mom had called me downstairs as I was finishing packing, and then Emmett arrived early. I had completely gapped on picking it up from the desk. It was normally in my pocket, and if I hadn't been interrupted, it would have been. Part of my sense of pride had been that I'd made it the whole week successfully without the aid of my good luck charms.

Seeing it sitting there, my palms began sweating. I was drawn to it. I needed to feel it in my palm. It had been in Jasper's palm. Again. How many times, I wondered. How long had he been sitting there holding it tonight? It called out to me, but I couldn't bring myself to touch it. It seemed… contaminated. Feeling my anxiety building at a rapid rate, I rushed for my bag, fumbling with the lid on the pill bottle. I had to keep it together. If I freaked out over Jasper touching my –

_He had no right to touch what was mine! _

My head began pounding with the increased blood flow, even with the tiny tablet on my tongue. My fisted hands were shaking out of control.

_He had no fucking right to take what should have been mine!_

A rage that I hadn't felt since beginning medication surged through me. I had to get out of there. Thundering down the stairs, I raced past Rose and Emmett in the doorway saying goodnight.

"Hey, Ed!" Emmett called out.

"Edward? What's wrong?"

"Going for a run!" I called over my shoulder without looking back. I had to clear my head. I had to burn off the rage before something happened that I could never take back.

~ 0 ~

My night had been restless – filled with nonsensical dreams, thanks to the medication. And Jasper's odd behaviour. I'd been able to get my anger under control, but not my worry. Something was up. He was gone when I got up in the morning, so I took the opportunity to contact Bella. First, I sat at my computer, composing half a dozen lame emails that all got scrapped. I couldn't say what I needed to in an email. I picked up my phone.

"Hello." A weak, morning voice greeted me.

"Hey. I woke you. I'm sorry. Call me back when you're ready."

"No… I'm up. I am. I… I didn't really sleep."

Obviously, she was taking the break-up much harder than Jasper. Or maybe just differently. How would I know? I'd never had a girlfriend to break up with.

"Bella…" I whispered with a heavy sigh.

There was an audible sob on the other end. I could tell she was trying not to – or at least to cover it. She was unsuccessful with both.

"Bella, what can I do?"

"Oh, Edward!" There was no hiding the sounds of her weeping now. I sat there on my bed, listening to her cry it out, wishing I was there like I'd been when she cried for Gran. Would she cling to me again? Would she tell me she _knew_ she'd chosen the wrong brother, she didn't just wonder?

"I'm sorry," she croaked out as she gained a small amount of control. "It's just… hearing your voice…"

"I wish I was there with you," I confessed.

"I wish you were, too."

"Do you want me to be? I can come down."

She made a snorting sound as she chuckled. I could picture her blowing snot bubbles – not normally the most attractive thing in the world, but on Bella, even that wasn't completely revolting. "You would, wouldn't you."

"I can be there by tonight."

"Your car can break the speed of light?" Even her teasing sounded hopeful.

"I'd fly."

There was silence.

"Bella?"

Another sob, a snort, and some uncontrolled giggling. "You'd fly?"

"I would."

"You hate flying."

"I'd fly for you."

"Edward…"

"Fuck. I wish I was there right now."

"I wish you were, too," she whispered. "I think."

What the fuck did that mean?

"Edward, did you know?"

"Did I know…?"

"That he was breaking up with me."

Ah. So it was his decision. That would make sense as to why Bella was more emotional right now. "No. I didn't."

She was silent again. "How long –" She cut herself off with a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't involve you."

"What, Bella? You can say anything. Ask me anything. What were you going to ask?"

"How long has it been going on? Have I been a complete idiot this entire year?"

I was stupefied. "I don't know what –"

"Forget it. Forget I asked. It's not your problem."

"Bella, I want to answer… I don't want to forget it. I just don't know what you mean."

"He's your brother. I shouldn't be asking you to rat him out."

My mind raced, trying to put together her little blurts. Oh no… she thought… "He hasn't been cheating on you, if that's what you're thinking."

"Right. Bro code. I get it."

"Seriously! I'm not covering for him."

"He told me, Edward. He told me he's in love with her."

"With who?" I blurted in shock. What the hell was going on? And then it hit me. His devotion to Alice wasn't strictly related to his love of dramatic arts. "Oh, fuck."

"You know."

"Fuck!"

"Here's what he told me – just a sec, I'll pull it up."

"You recorded it?"

"Recorded? No. It's an email."

"An email?"

A sardonic snicker. A snort. A stifled sob.

"A fucking email? He told you in an email? He ended your relationship… in a fucking email?" I was livid. Pills wouldn't even help this one.

"You… you didn't know that?" she asked softly.

"No! He told me last night that you two had broken up. No details. I had no idea…" I was on my feet, pacing. "How could he do that? How could he do that… to _you_?"

"Edward, calm down. Look, we shouldn't be talking like this. I'm sorry I involved you –"

"You didn't," I hissed through clenched teeth. "I asked."

"And I'm ending it. I don't want there to be strife between you two. You're too important to each other."

"You're important, too," I reminded her.

"I'm smiling now, you know." Her voice was soft and dreamy. "I'm hideously blotchy and I have bags under my eyes, but I'm smiling. Because of you."

My anger simmered down as her words tugged on my heart. "I want to be there for you."

"Edward…"

"Just say the word, Bella, and I'll fly down there right now." I could hear her panting for air. Sniffling. My mind could picture her looking pained, but still beautiful. "Just say it."

"You're my best friend, Edward. Know that. Always know that."

"I do."

"You didn't know, did you? About Alice? Tell me the truth, please."

"I honestly didn't know. I'm so sorry."

"I believe you. And I'm sorry, too."

"For what? You didn't do anything."

"Edward…" Even her voice was pained. "Forgive me."

"Forgive you for what?"

"I'll miss you the most."

"I'm not going anywhere… unless you want me in Phoenix –"

"That's… not a good idea."

I hesitated. She sounded different. "If you change your mind, just say the word."

"I have to say goodbye, Edward."

I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt them fill with tears. "Okay. Call me later? When you're feeling better? Even just to say goodnight."

"Edward… don't…" She paused briefly. "Don't forget what I said. What you mean to me. Goodbye, Edward. Please forgive me."

The ugly sound of the disconnected call jarred me. I didn't even get to say goodbye! I dialled her number back. No response. I hung up and dialled again, leaving a message:

"I don't mean to bug you. I know you probably don't want to talk right now. I understand. I just want you to know… if you ever need… anything… I'll be there. I'd do anything for you, Bella. Know that. Please, know that. Call me when you can."

I sat with my silent phone in my hand for hours. I couldn't even work up the rage I'd felt towards Jasper's heartless method of ending a relationship. I couldn't wonder what the hell was going on with him and Alice. I couldn't think about how he'd held my gift from Bella… _my_ gift… while he told me they were over. There was something chilling about the way Bella had ended our call. It felt frightening. It felt final. It felt like a definite _goodbye_.

~ 0 ~

I stuck to myself all day, but at dinnertime, Rosalie came up and asked if I was going to join them. She and Emmett had barbecued, taking advantage of a dry day. I considered it until she said Alice was with them. And Jasper was home. There was no way I could sit in a room with the two of them right now. In my heart, I believed that Jasper hadn't done anything with her… not yet. Not while he was with Bella. But Bella had said he told her that he was in love with Alice. Of course, that didn't prove anything – I was in love with Bella with the absence of anything physical between us. He couldn't have fooled around. He wouldn't have.

I could hear them outside. They were gathered under my window on the patio. Jasper was fairly quiet, and Alice, more quiet than usual. Rose's voice sounded strained. Emmett was in full say-anything-to-cut-the-tension mode. I was right to have stayed inside. In an effort to distract my mind, I pulled out my notes from training, and my text books for the upcoming term and began reading. I was more determined than ever to get on with school and start my life. Away from here.

Jasper was the next to come up to my room. "We're about to start a movie. Coming down? There's popcorn."

"Nah. I'm into this right now." I didn't even look at him.

He didn't take the hint and leave. Instead, he lingered around my doorway. "So… um, I should let you know that Alice and I are –"

My head shot up. "Are what, Jazz? Fucking around? In love? Screwing over your – Bella? Which is it?"

"Whoa! Ease off, man! What's eating your ass?"

I glared at him. "Seriously?"

"Look, bro, I know you and Bella are close –"

"Not as close as you and Alice, apparently."

Jasper huffed, pulling his hair back and looping his hands together over his head. "All right. Let's just get this out. I take it that you're pissed about this. So, what is it, man? Do you like Alice? Is that it? Did you want to date her?"

"No!" I hissed. "You're way off the mark."

"Am I?" His face contorted into a sneer of sorts. "You'd tell me if that was the case, right? If you wanted to date someone I was with?" He waited for an answer that he knew wouldn't come. "Right?" he reiterated.

"I. Don't. Want. Alice. Could I be any clearer?"

"Good. Because I _am_ with her."

"Good for you. Be happy, man."

"I sense hostility."

"Very astute of you," I replied flippantly.

"I'm gonna ask you one final time, Edward. What's up your ass?"

It took every inch of restraint to keep from unloading on him. I took a deep, cleansing breath and calmly said, "I really think you could have done better with this whole situation."

Jasper stared back at me thoughtfully as he took in my statement. He nodded slowly and left me alone. Part of me was proud of myself for reining in my anger, but the other part – the stronger part – was disappointed. I'd let Bella down by not standing up for her and the shitty way she'd been treated. She had always backed me. She had even been prepared to lie for me over the whole Newton fiasco. I'd told her that I'd do anything for her, but when it came down to it, I couldn't even tell my brother off for breaking her heart.

~ 0 ~

I made attempt after attempt to contact Bella throughout the week. She wasn't answering her phone, or replying to texts. As a last resort, I went to email. I hadn't wanted to do that. If it was me who'd been dumped via email, I'd never want to see another message in my inbox. Particularly from anyone named 'Cullen'. I guess Bella was more like me than I realized – I got an error sending my email to her. She had closed her account. Fuck.

Rosalie was having no better luck getting a response from her either, and I was getting worried. Tempted to just act on impulse like before, and get myself to Phoenix by any means, I decided to go another route first.

"Chief Swan?" I popped my head around the door to the office. "Sorry to interrupt you, sir. The officer out front told me to just come in."

He closed the file he was working on and stood, extending his hand across the desk. "Sure, son. Come on in. What's the problem?"

I didn't hesitate to shake his hand. I couldn't be held back by my phobias now. "Well, sir, I'm worried about Bella."

His professional courtesy face changed into a fatherly one. He sighed and sat back down. "Take a seat." He ran his hand across his brow, frowning as he looked up at me.

I took his cue to speak when he didn't begin himself. "She's not answering calls. I know she's upset, but she's never been silent this long. She's not responding to Rosalie, either."

Charlie nodded. "She's very upset right now."

"So, you have heard from her?" I sighed in relief when he nodded. "That's good. That's such a relief. I've been so worried. I was thinking of heading down to Phoenix to check on her."

The Chief grinned at me. "Yep. I suppose you would think about that. Too bad your brother didn't."

I felt my cheeks flushing. "Sir, I know he was wrong. I'm not about to sit here and defend anything about what he did. All I can say is – I'm not my brother."

"I know that." His gaze softened, and I fully believed him. "Look, Edward… you've been real good to my daughter. Your whole family has meant a lot to her these past years. I never expected Jasper to pull a stunt like this, but I certainly don't hold it against you. You've done nothing but be a good friend to her."

"Do you think I should go to her?" I was hoping for a 'Hell, yes! I'll give you a police escort!' Instead, I got a heavy sigh. "No?" I asked quietly.

Leaning forward, his fatherly look of concern for Bella turned to pity for me. "I'm sorry, son, but I can't let you do that."

I gulped down an urge to sob.

"I know you think it would help, and any other time, I'm sure it would. But she's very vulnerable right now. She needs time."

I nodded dumbly. What did that mean?

"I'm real sorry, Edward. You're a good kid. You know how fond I am of your family. This is nothing against you, y'understand? I have to look out for my daughter, and right now, she doesn't want any contact with any of you."

My cheeks burned red as I struggled not to cry. "Any of us?" My voice sounded foreign to me.

"I'm sorry. Real, real sorry, son."

I nodded, unable to do anything beyond that.

"I know it's a bit of a shock –"

I released a snort in agreement.

"I have to see the desk sergeant… you stay here as long as you need to. Take your time." He gave my shoulder a light squeeze as he passed my chair. "It's not forever. This has been one helluva year for her. She needs time to heal."

After that, she wasn't the only one. But first, I had some steam to let off. I took it out on my treadmill – a birthday gift that everyone had gone in on. Nirvana blasted through my headphones as I worked up a sweat. My body seemed to think it was running to Bella, and there was no stopping it. In fact, when Jasper came in and attempted a conversation, my legs just worked harder to get closer to my imaginary Bella and away from him. My mind just seethed the entire time.

"Really not in the mood for this, Jasper." The words came out angrily in between pants.

"Ed, you should slow down, man. You can't handle a run across the continent." Jasper made an impressed face when he peeked over at the meters on the machine.

"Don't tell me what I can and cannot handle."

"Hey, it's not a slam. I couldn't handle it either." He laughed.

"You can't even handle a flight," I mumbled, not missing a step of my steady pace.

"I can't handle what? Sorry, what was that?"

My brother was no longer smiling. No longer attempting light conversation to smooth things over between us. He was challenging me to stand up.

"I said, you can't handle a flight to Phoenix to end things like a man. But that's just one of the many things you've proven yourself incapable of handling."

Jasper stopped my machine abruptly. My legs were pulled back and my upper body propelled forward. I gripped the control panel to stop myself from falling and glared at him angrily. Sweat was dripping from my face as we stared each other down. The impact of what he'd done finally hit me. His mishandling of this whole thing had cost me Bella. The whole family had lost her. The least I could do was speak out for her.

"You got more to say to me?"

"You bet your ass, I do! An email? You broke up with your girlfriend of two years in a fucking email, Jasper? What the hell was that?"

"It's really none –"

"None of my business? _None of my business?_ Is that what you were gonna say? You made it all of our business by ending it like a dickhead! How could you hurt her that way? Jasper, what's gotten into you? You're better than this!"

"You're gonna stand there and tell me how I should handle my relationships? What the hell do you know? What do you know about any of that?" His voice rose, and his words bounced off the rafters in the garage. I supposed mine had too, but I hadn't noticed. Our sister did.

"Hey, hey, hey! What's all the shouting about?" She positioned herself in between us, one hand on each of our chests.

Jasper sucked in a breath, popping his shoulders back and chest out. "Edward thinks he knows about relationships well enough to teach me about 'em. Right?"

"I know it's not fucking cool to end a two-year relationship in an _email_!" I shouted. Rose repositioned herself so both hands were on me. "Are you twelve?"

"That was horrible, Jazz," Rose added gently. "I have to agree."

He scowled at us both. "What was I supposed to do? She's halfway across the country! Her own choice, mind you."

"You _are_ twelve!" I scoffed. "You still can't get that someone else was important to Bella – perhaps more important than you."

"Don't bring that shit into this Edward. You don't want to go there."

"Okay, okay!" Our sister gripped a handful of each of our hair. "Enough! Someone's gonna say something they'll regret –"

"Someone has to speak for Bella. She wasn't given a chance to react to being treated like shit."

"Edward!" Rosalie moved her hand to grip my jaw, forcing me to look her square in the eye. "This is what I'm talking about. Stop before you go any further with this."

Jasper kept going. "You're just dying to ride in and save her again, aren't you? Show up at the right time… say the right thing… I'm wondering when you'll be become besties with Alice, too. You know what? I don't need to take this shit from you. You have no idea what's been going on. You have no idea about real relationships, period. Yeah, I fucked it up. I should have had a better method to tell her – but at least I did. I haven't been fucking lying to her all this time!"

"Jasper! Stop!"

"I have _never_ lied to Bella! The only time I even came close was covering for your ass when you opted to stay home and fuck around with Alice instead of –"

His fist connected with my jaw before I saw it coming. My glasses flew off my face, and our sister was on him just as fast. "What is _wrong _with you? You hit Edward! Really, Jazz? Our own brother? I don't even know you!"

Jasper's chest heaved with his heavy breaths. He came near enough so I could make out enough of his features to know he meant business. "I'm sorry, Ed. I'm so fucking sorry."

"Forget it," I mumbled, moving towards my glasses. The frames were a little scratched up, but at least they weren't broken and the lenses were fine. "Just… forget it."

Once again, when I came from the shower, I had a visitor. This time, my sister awaited me with knowing eyes.

"How long have you been in love with Bella?"

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ I feel like Rose right now - I'm so with you all on wanting to punch Jasper, he deserves it. Still, I feel protective of him. What I really want to do is shake muses Esme and Carlisle because they haven't peeped up even once to straighten Jasper out. *sigh* Muse Bella cut me off along with the Cullens so we don't hear from her until the present time resumes. One more chapter, if anyone's counting. ;) _

_Welcome, new readers! I'd like to send a personal Edward to sherryola, but I hope my undying thanks will suffice. I've been so grateful for her regular, supportive reviews, and now I'm floored by the rec posted in her own update. If I'm not the last person to begin reading Seeing Bella, please go check it out and give sherryola some love. fanfiction(dot)net/s/6579398/1/Seeing_Bella_

_Of course, thanks also go to the ever-patient Shug, my beta-reader who's still waiting for the next batch of chapters. And msj2779, so much more than the perfect pre-reader. You rock my world, girlfriend!_

_If I can get my shit together, I may just post the last of the backstory chapters later in the week. Fingers crossed. Thanks for reading! XX ~ SR_


	10. Chapter 9

Edit - FFN was in major fail when I put this up last night. Let's try again. *heavy sigh*

_A/N ~ Welcome to bonus update, at a new time! (cue fanfare... or not) Annoyingly, I keep falling asleep during writing time, soooooo I'm updating now, on the fly. We'll see how this goes. Enjoy, and I'll chat more at the end. Blah, blah, blah. On with it!_

* * *

><p><em><strong>True Love Way<strong>_

**Chapter 9**

"What?" I scrunched up my face as though I thought my sister was insane for thinking I was in love with Bella. I dropped my sweats in a pile on the floor and kicked my door shut.

"You heard me, Edward," she said softly. "How long have you been in love with her? Since Phoenix?" Understanding flashed over her face. "No. It's longer than that. That's why you went to her."

"She needed someone, Rose. That's all. I was simply helping her deal with the death of her grandmother."

Rose tugged me by the wrists, pulling me to sit with her on my bed. "Honey, talk to me."

"About what?" I groaned, rolling my eyes. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened downstairs. All right? I'll apologize to Jasper for going off on him."

"You won't mean it," she stated.

I smirked at her. "Nope. He deserved every word. I went to see Chief Swan today. Bella wants nothing to do with any of us. Still think I shouldn't have said anything to our brother?"

Tears pooled in her eyes as she realized she wouldn't be getting any responses to her calls either. "This sucks. Why couldn't he have just gone to Phoenix to talk things out? Or wait for Bella to come home?"

"He's in love with Alice," I blurted.

Rosalie snorted. "Well, I know there's an attraction. Love? Doubt it."

"That's what he told Bella."

Her face registered her shock. "No! Ah, fuck. Do you think he…?"

"Cheated on her? I don't know. I don't want to know. If I know that he did, I'd want to kill him." That was the God's honest truth.

"And you still say you're not in love with her?" she asked teasingly. "I never thought I'd see the day where you disagreed with anything Jasper said or did. This is serious."

I opened my mouth to deny it again. Nothing came out. I closed it, turning my head away from her watchful eye.

"Honey, this is between you and me. It stays right here. I won't say a word to anyone… not Jasper, not Emmett. I know this is eating you up. I need you to be okay. Talk to me, please."

Much like when Aro had drawn it out from me, I exploded with a bunch of half sentences and poor excuses. "She's perfect, Rose. I've never known anyone… She treats me like… She makes me want to be better. She never asks… She doesn't expect anything! From anyone! She's smart. And funny. And she gets me." Rose stroked my back as the words spewed out. It didn't end with that.

"I'll never have that kind of friendship with anyone else. She's just different. She used to look at me – really look at me. No one has ever looked at me that way. It's like she saw inside me. She didn't treat me special – she treated me equal – and that made me feel special. Even when she moved, and I couldn't see her. She's always had a way of making me feel special, which is astounding because she's the most amazing person I'll ever know. And she says I'm her best friend."

"But it's more," Rosalie urged gently.

"No. Not for her, anyway. That's what I am to her. A friend. That's all. She doesn't see me the way I see her. She sees Jazz… well, she used to see him the way I see her…"

"Ah, shit, Edward. All this time… God, it must have been so painful for you!"

"I don't care." My eyes burned with the hot tears filling them. My head screamed at me, _'LIAR!'_ I did care. I knew the pain of rejection, and the last thing I wanted was for Bella to feel it too. _That_ was worse. "It doesn't matter anyway. She didn't want me that way. She only wanted Jazz. And he broke her heart, Rose. He fucking broke her heart! I never would have hurt her like this."

My sister pulled me against her as the tears rolled from my eyes and my voice became uncontrolled. "I know, honey. I know."

"I wouldn't ever hurt her. Why did he have to hurt her?"

"I don't know. I really don't. It sucks."

"Why did she have to love him?"

I felt fresh tears from my sister, dropping on my skin. "Sometimes, life is not fair. Sometimes, we can't see what's right in front of us. I'm so sorry you've gone through all of this alone. I should have known. I should have seen it before now."

I pulled away from her tentatively. "Rose, does he know? Does Jasper know?"

She shook her head. "He's never said anything. No. I don't think so. Of course, it's blatantly obvious to me now, but Jazz isn't so observant."

"He'll be a lousy lawyer," I quipped.

"Or an excellent one. He's demonstrated the ability to be a cold, hard bastard." I could tell she was struggling with this new perception of him, just as I had. "God, I hope this is all worth it for him. I hope the guy we know is still in there somewhere, and he has a damned good reason for being so bloody selfish and cruel."

"Rose, promise me you won't say anything to him. You won't tell him that I… you know… don't tell him how I feel."

She ran her hand along my cheeks, using her thumb to wipe away tears. "I would never do that to my brother." Before I could react, she planted a kiss on my forehead and swept out of my room.

That night, I dreamt my siblings were conjoined twins. I was a surgeon. Of course, I wanted to separate them; give them their own lives. I had to decide who to give two kidneys to. For some reason, Rosalie was awake during the procedure, and as I pondered my dilemma, she warned me, _'If you hurt my brother, you hurt me. Don't do that to us. Please, Edward – don't hurt us.'_

I was fully aware that my medication gave me unusually fucked up dreams from time to time. This one, however, I could see the foreshadowing in. My last thoughts before falling asleep had been about ignoring Chief Swan and rushing to Bella's side. I could help her through this – I knew I could. But at what cost? Would Jasper see it as betrayal? Would he hate me for it? And what about Rosalie? We had never intentionally put her in the middle. She had never had to choose between brothers. After all, in my deepest thoughts, I knew she'd select Jasper – they were twins. They shared more than the same blood and DNA. They had a love and bond with each other that nothing else could touch. If I went with my heart, I'd lose them both.

~ 0 ~

I was never so thankful for the start of a new school year. Back into college, I could focus on something other than Bella. She was still in my thoughts. I persisted in sending her texts every day, even if it was simply saying 'good night'. I never heard back, but it didn't stop me. If nothing else, she'd know that I hadn't forgotten. _I_ hadn't deserted her. She was, and always would be, my first real love.

Jasper and I had worked through our first fight – apologizing and swearing it would never happen again. Things were never quite the same, however. There was a nagging, unspoken tension between us. Rose put it down to the fact that Jasper was hours away from us for the first time, living in Seattle. She claimed that she felt a change as well.

That said, when our brother arrived home for Thanksgiving, it appeared as though the two of them had never been apart. They instantly picked up their twin thing – exchanging common looks when they didn't need words and lovingly insulting each other when they did.

Alice came back with him. She had also transferred to the University of Washington, proving to me that Jasper was incapable of long distance relationships. It was odd for me – I loathed the way he had hurt Bella, but part of me was glad they were no longer together. I wasn't fond of the idea of him with Alice, but I didn't know if it was bitterness over the way they'd gotten together or if I was worried about him hurting her the same way. Alice and I had never established the same level of friendship I had with Bella or Emmett, but I did care for her. Emmett had willingly taken on a big brother role to me, and so Alice was like my sister as well.

I tried my very best to put away my own thoughts and anxieties for my family's sake, but Thanksgiving Day was living Hell. My parents threw their support behind Jasper's new relationship. They were already incredibly fond of Alice, and now she had taken her place in 'the family'. Bella's place. The moment she took her seat at the dinner table between Jasper and I, it hit home. It was supposed to be Bella between us here, not Alice.

My hands shook uncontrollably throughout the meal. I choked on more than one occasion and accidently tipped over Alice's water glass. I noticed Rosalie shooting questioning looks at me across the table, so I avoided looking at her. Like a robot, I accepted each dish my mother passed me and loaded up my plate several times. With each forkful that I shovelled in, something inside me warned me of my behaviour.

_You'll get fat again. Do you want to be fat? All the work you did to lose it, for nothing._

I didn't actually give a shit. I just wanted the meal to end so I didn't have to sit beside Alice and smell her perfume. I longed for Bella's subtle scent of strawberries and vanilla. Alice carried different scents entirely. For the most part, she smelled like cotton candy. Today, it was flowers. Overwhelmingly floral. It was giving me a headache. Bella never gave me a headache. Bella smelled beautiful and pure. I pictured her sitting at a table at the very same time as us, with Kate and Garrett and little Tanya. I saw her smiling and laughing at Tanya picking up a string bean that had dropped to the floor with her toes. I saw her serving dessert – pies. Pumpkin. Not pecan. She turned sad momentarily as she thought about pecan pie and how she'd never make another one. Tanya asked for whipped cream on her pumpkin pie, and Bella's smile and twinkling eyes were back. _Be happy, Bella. Please, be happy__…_

"Edward!"

I snapped out of it with the sound of my mother's voice.

"My goodness! You were a million miles away! Where did you go?"

_Not a million miles away. 1600 miles, give or take a few._ "Sorry, Mom. What were you saying?"

"What pie do you want?"

"Ummm…" _I'll have what Tanya's having._ "Pumpkin?"

"You sure? How about a sliver of each? There's pecan!"

My stomach rolled, and my forehead broke out in sweat.

Rosalie kicked me under the table.

Alice turned to me with a look of concern. "Are you okay?"

Excess saliva filled my mouth, and I swallowed rapidly. Repeatedly. "No. I don't think I am. Excuse me, please."

No worries about getting fat. What a complete waste of a meal.

Just like every holiday growing up, my mother fussed over me after I finished expelling dinner. The throbbing in my head had begun in between retches, and all I wanted to do was lie down in my dark, quiet room. She understood and thankfully left me with a kiss on my cheek and a cold cloth on my forehead.

I was riding out the sensation of a being in a rocking boat rather than my bed when my next visitors arrived. Jasper was used to my holiday antics, but Alice was not. She'd never witnessed my anxiety – I'd been doing well by the time she arrived on the scene.

Alice made herself at home, perching on the edge of my bed as her hand went to my hair. I had loved it when Mom used to stroke my hair when I wasn't feeling well. Rosalie and Bella had soothed me with the same method also. Alice touching my hair – touching any part of me right now – was threatening to send me over the edge. I removed the cloth that had slid down over my eyes and moved away from her.

"Feeling better?" she asked with a chipper lilt in her voice.

"No. I'd really like to sleep now."

"That's probably a good idea." My brother knew me. He understood. I closed my eyes and waited for him to remove Alice from my bed.

She didn't move. Instead, she began talking. "I had this friend in high school… she was really pretty and sweet. Everyone envied her. But she didn't see it that way. She didn't see herself clearly at all. She saw wiry hair and eyes too far apart. A crooked nose and a big ass. What others saw as enviable curves, she saw as fat. There's a disease, Edward, it's called Bulimia."

"Oh for fuck's sake," I groaned. "I'm not bulimic."

"You've lost a lot of weight since I've known you. I think you're pretty low on self-esteem, too."

"Thanks. Very helpful," I quipped. _Now get the fuck out._

"Edward, I'm only saying this because I care about you. We _all_ care about you –"

"Sounds like you're about to start an intervention," Jasper commented with a nervous chuckle. "I don't think this is what he needs."

"It's exactly what he needs, Jazz! Edward, look at me." She pulled the cloth from my eyes just seconds after I'd replaced it there. "Look. At. Me."

I lifted one lid. Her face was hovering inches from mine. Fuck my life.

"You're beautiful, do you know that?"

Groaning, I rolled my aching eyes and tried to bury my head further into my pillow.

"You are. And you're sweet, and nice, and funny. A little odd at times –"

_Hello, pot…? _She had some nerve calling me odd when she was the strangest person I'd ever encountered.

"But you're great. You're awesome. And you are good enough."

Jasper snickered again. "Good enough for what?"

I heard her slap him. "Shush! This isn't a joking matter. I'm trying to get him to understand that he's fine, just as he is."

"I don't think he is, darlin'. I think he'd be much better if we just left him alone."

_Thank you! A million thanks, my knowledgeable brother. Slowly, you're getting back to what you always were to me._

"Edward, I want you to do something. The next time you feel like purging, call me."

"I don't have a fucking eating disorder!" I half-whined, half-shouted. Anyone would have annoyed me at this point, but Alice at my bedside – counselling me – was too much.

"Alice, we should leave him."

"I can help you, Edward."

"Alice?"

"Seriously. Call me. You can beat this."

"Come on, let's go. I'm sorry, bro."

"We love you, and we can help you!" she shouted from the doorway.

"So. Sorry."

"You're good enough, Edward!"

"Sorry!"

The sound of the door closing was the best thing I'd heard all day. Fuck. My. Life.

~ 0 ~

The day after Thanksgiving traditionally saw the females depart for some city shopping and the males gather together for a day of football. They would re-enact the games of the prior day, imagining themselves to be young, fit sports heroes. Traditionally, I read a lot on the day after Thanksgiving. This year, I parked myself on the front porch to watch the mini-game on our own lawn.

"Watch the rock!" I called out when Emmett tackled Jasper near her garden. "If you break it with his thick skull, Mom will kick your ass!"

"Shit, are you channeling Rosalie? I swear, you sound just like her!" Jasper uentangled himself from Emmett's tackle easily and grinned at me.

"Right now, Rose is saying, 'charge it'. She asked me to pass along that rock versus skull message before she left this morning."

"Hopefully she's saying, 'Alice, you don't need those shoes.' That's all I've got to say."

"Wanna toss the ball around with us, Ed?"

I scoffed at Emmett's inquiry with a smirk. "Feel like spending the rest of the day in emergency?"

"Come on, man. I'll show you how to throw a perfect spiral. I'll catch. You throw." Emmett guided me through the procedure as Jasper stood across the yard, waiting. I'd held a football in gym class, but it always felt foreign to me. It still did, but after a dozen attempts, the awkward brown object left my hand, spun threw the air, and landed perfectly in Jasper's hands.

We did a celebratory dance on the lawn before I begged out. I knew my limits. If I pushed my luck, I'd be catching the ball with my nose before we were done.

"I thought that was you out there, but I figured my eyes were playing tricks on me." My dad teased me when I went into the kitchen. "I took a picture, just in case. Your mom will never believe me."

"First time for everything, right?" I joked back.

"You looked good out there, son. You have no idea how great it is to see all of you together again. It's all changing. You're all growing up and moving on – the biggest problem with having all of your kids in the same year – they all outgrow the parents at the same time."

I smiled at him. Dad was rarely sentimental. Mom was enough for both of them.

"Holidays are the only time we'll have with you all. And before we know it, we'll be sharing holidays with in-laws."

My mind tried to envision my siblings at a Thanksgiving with the McCartys. I pictured Dr McCarty pushing his wife's boobs out of the way to carve the turkey. Thank Christ I'd never have to endure it in reality. I smirked, thinking of Jasper at the table, trying unsuccessfully not to gawk at her abundant cleavage as she passed the sweet potatoes. Payback.

"While we've got a minute alone, I wanted to talk to you about yesterday." Dad leaned against the counter, sipping his coffee. This was a good sign. It really would be a minute if he was still standing. It was the times he directed me to sit down with him that worried me. Those talks were always good for at least an hour.

I planted myself across from him, leaning forward on the island counter, and waited for him to begin.

And waited.

"Soooo… what's up, Dad?"

"That's what I'm wondering. Something you want to talk about?"

"No, not really… oh my god… did Alice say something stupid?"

My dad smirked. Shit. She had.

"She thinks I'm bulimic, did she tell you that? I swear – I don't have an eating disorder. I simply ate too much, too fast. And I had a migraine coming, so really, I had no chance. I'm not sick. I don't need emergency therapy. I'm perfectly sane."

Dad snickered at me. "I know that. We told Alice much the same. She's just a little over-zealous with her concern. It's kind of sweet, if you think about it."

I rolled my eyes. _Kind of meddlesome and idiotic, if you think about it._

"I'm not concerned in the least about your eating habits. You've got a good handle on your health – it's good to see. You're generally much healthier lately."

I nodded my agreement.

"You seemed very uncomfortable yesterday – even before dinner. But you looked like you wanted to be anywhere but our table once we sat down. Is something bothering you?"

Frowning, I debated how to respond to that. Rosalie had already seen through me. If I told Dad how I was missing Bella horribly, would he know my true feelings as well? And would he keep it between us?

"Let me ask you this – does it bother you that Rose and Jasper both had partners joining us for our family dinner? Would you rather it just be the five of us for holidays? At least for now?"

"No, no, no! Really, it's fine. I don't care –"

"You know, you're welcome to invite anyone you'd like to, as well. Anyone at all. Are you… have you been… dating? At all?"

"Nope."

He nodded. "Well, you know these migraines you get could have something to do with that. You're under a lot of pressure, with school and all. Sometimes that pressure is too much, once you toss sexual frustration into the mix."

Christ. The last thing I wanted was to have a talk with my dad about my twenty-year-old virginity.

"Is there no one you like? A girl at school perhaps? Or… someone… else?"

"I'm really not looking," I answered, somewhat on the defensive. Was this anyone's business? So what if I was in love with someone I couldn't have? It didn't matter because she didn't want me that way, and she was gone, regardless.

"Okay. Well, I just wanted you to know that we're fine with whomever you decide to spend your life with. As long as there's love and mutual respect, it doesn't matter who you choose to be with. She… or he… will be welcome –"

"Hold it!" I cut him off, cupping my hands on my head. Holy hell! "Dad, I'm not gay."

"It's perfectly fine…"

"NOT. Gay. But thank you."

"If you want to talk some more –"

I laughed because I wanted to cry in humiliation, but what would say gay pussy more than that? In one day, I'd gone from bulimic to gay. Just fucking great. No wonder I'd battle self-esteem issues my whole life. Everyone had a fucking judgement about me. As if being a pathetic virgin in love with his brother's ex-girlfriend wasn't bad enough.

~ 0 ~

Just when I thought the holiday weekend couldn't get worse, I was proven mistaken. I made a mental note to spend next Thanksgiving weekend volunteering in Port Angeles. Or Sierra Leone. Maybe I'd get trampled by elephants, eaten by a pride of lions, or sliced to death by machete wielding rebel natives. Any of the above options were preferable to sitting with Alice, being presented with a gift.

"I originally picked this up for you for Christmas, but I can't wait. I know it's only a month away… you shouldn't wait."

It was a book. I could tell through the wrapping. Seemed harmless, though it was embarrassing to be unwrapping a Christmas gift on Thanksgiving weekend when no one else was. I tore the paper off and turned it over to examine the cover. _'Free To Be Me'. _A self-help book, of course.

"I'm really sorry I jumped to conclusions. Even if you're not bulimic, this book can help you with whatever. There's all sorts of things regarding self-confidence and pride in admitting to yourself and everyone else, who you really are. We just love you, Edward. No matter what."

Too much. This was just too much! I set the book down on the coffee table, taking a deep breath in and slowly exhaling. "Listen up. I'm only gonna tell you this once – I don't need your help. Got it? I'm not bulimic, or gay, or any other fucked-up thing running through your mind, and I don't want – or need – you coming at me with advice and self-fucking-help books, or whatever else you have in mind! Got it?"

I was standing over her by the end of my rant, and she looked up at me with wide, tear-filled eyes. She nodded and whispered, "Okay."

Looking around, everyone was staring at me in shock. Shock and disappointment. They were stunned into silence. The silence was so thick I could only hear my own breathing and heartbeat. I swear I heard the only tear that rolled off Alice's cheek hit the hardwood floor. _Shit, I'm such an asshole…_

"Alice… I'm sorry," I blurted. "I didn't mean that. Well, I did, but I didn't mean for it to come out sounding so harsh. Thank you. I appreciate the gesture. Really. I've got many issues, honestly. Issues you couldn't even begin to analyze, so please… I'm begging you, please don't try to. I'm just who I am… which, right now, is an asshole, and I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Everyone. I'm sorry." I took off for the sanctuary upstairs – my room – where I pounded my head against the door after closing it.

I heard pounding even after my head stilled against the wood. Footsteps on the stairs. Coming closer. Shit.

"Ed? I need to talk to you. Open up."

I swung the door open, and immediately went into damage control mode. "Shit, Jazz. I'm really sorry. I never meant to go off like that. I don't know what the fuck is the matter with me."

He'd looked angry when I opened the door. Now, he looked sympathetic. More like the brother I'd grown up with. "We should talk this out," he said quietly. "Just you and me. Can I come in?"

I stepped aside, and he went straight for my desk chair. Much like Dad, I knew Jasper's varying conversation modes. If he was casual, bored, or just hanging out he always went for my bed. The chair meant this would be serious.

"You're pissed at me," I stated. "It's understandable."

"Ed, I need to know what's going on. I know you were upset with me awhile back, but I thought we'd worked it out. I don't want there to be this rift between us. I want my brother back."

I expected serious, but I didn't expect that. I was speechless.

"Can we be completely open here for a minute? I swear, I'll listen. I'll hear you and not judge. I'll just accept it, and then we can move on."

Sweat broke out all over my body. I could already feel it trickling down the back of my neck. _Don't ask me about Bella. Don't talk to me about Bella…_

"Is it Alice you have a problem with – or me being with Alice? Please just tell me straight out."

"Jazz, I feel like shit for going off on her that way. I like her. I really do!"

"Do you have feelings for her? An attraction…?"

I shook my head vehemently. "Absolutely not. Honestly? I feel like she's my little sister. Annoying as shit sometimes, but I'd never want to see her hurt, or in trouble, or sad in any way, you know?"

Jasper was frighteningly still and quiet. I supposed he was taking it all in, but I would feel a lot better if he'd just say something. Since he seemed intent on really hearing me this time, I decided to take it further.

"It was weird yesterday – having Alice here. Not that she hasn't been over for dinner, but I mean, with you. It was different. I haven't had time to adjust. You sprung the new relationship on me, and then you've been in Seattle. It's not like I see you two all the time and I'm used to it. It just brought some shit back, that's all."

"That panic attack yesterday at dinner… that was because of me? Shit." He hung his head momentarily and then looked me straight in the eye. "I never want to be the cause of you feeling that way, man. Do you understand me? We used to talk… shit… we'd talk about everything! I've fucked up so bad that you can't even talk to me? That's not right. I'm not all right with this. At all. The whole idea that some girl could come into our lives and fuck up what we have _always_ had is insane. You're my brother. That's for life. For _life_!"

We avoided eye contact. Rosalie had gushed like this to each of us at various points in our lives, but my brother and I had never _said_ how we feel about each other this way. It was a little uncomfortable, and at the same time, I felt like a weight had been lifted from me. I wasn't alone in this. He needed me too. Bella wasn't just 'some girl', but he was right. What we had was for life. I suddenly felt incredibly stupid for pining away over his former girl. Just as I worried that my feelings for Bella would hurt him, he wouldn't intentionally hurt me that way either. _If he'd known._

"This is so messed up," Jasper emoted. "I never thought I'd have to choose between you and a girl. I mean, it's never been an issue. But if it was – if it is now – I'd chose you. Honest to God, Ed… if you really hate the idea of me being with Alice, I'll give her up."

_Alice? He's talking about Alice, not Bella! _

"You're gonna have to go easy on me for a bit. I'm gonna be cranky. This thing with Alice, it caught me totally by surprise. It was like an instant connection. It's like she knows me, inside and out, and always has. She knows me so well she can predict my next move. It goes deeper than emotions and feelings – it's like she was meant to be mine. I've never felt like this, man. But it's better to put a stop to it before I fall even deeper, right?"

"No." I swallowed around the lump in my throat. He had just described what I felt for Bella. "You'd be crazy to give that up. And you're not crazy."

His face lit up, only accentuating the glistening in his eyes.

"Are you crying, man?" I teased him.

"Fuck, yeah!" He laughed and tackled me, lying on top of me across the bed.

"If you kiss me, I'll sack you," I warned with a laugh.

Grabbing my face between his hands, he laid a sloppy one on my forehead before releasing me. He returned to the chair but in a more relaxed position. We were okay now.

Unless I fucked it up further.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure!" Jasper linked his hands behind his head. "Ask me anything!"

"When? I mean, how did you know… when did know that Alice –?" I wasn't merely interested in this information to verify if he'd been unfaithful to Bella; I also wanted to know if it had happened the same way for him and Alice as it had for me.

With a lopsided, lovesick grin, he sighed. "I don't know, man. It's like a freight train hit me. I was dead drunk the first time we met."

"Yeah, I remember." Ironically, it was the first time he and Bella slept together.

"I never really noticed her, y'know? One day, I went into that place by Emmett's to grab something to eat, and there she was – waiting tables. I knew it was Alice, of course, but it was like I was seeing her for the first time. That was also the first time she really talked to me. She was always so quiet around me. I wasn't even sure if she could form a complete sentence! Then, all of a sudden, she evolves into this beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful girl who somehow sees deep inside my soul."

I smiled at his description.

"Corny as shit, right?"

I nodded, still grinning. I was just glad I wasn't alone with that shit. "Go on."

"We struck up a friendship. That was all in the beginning. She unloaded her family troubles, and I whined about being so far from Bella. We really were just friends. I felt this thing that was indescribable with her, but then there was Bella. I didn't know what I was feeling – if this thing with Alice was something like you had with Bella, where you just click – or if it was more. I wanted Bella to come home. I needed to reconnect with her. And I needed to see how I felt about her with Alice around."

"She couldn't leave Phoenix, Jazz," I defended her softly.

"I know. I know that. It's the chance you take, right? Sometimes it can work when you're apart, sometimes it doesn't. It sounds cold, and I don't mean it to. I loved Bella. Part of me will always love Bella. But Alice is…" He gushed out a sigh. "She's everything. It's right. It feels right. I just wish my happiness didn't come at Bella's expense. I know I should have done that differently. I know it."

"Yeah. Even some warning. It blindsided her."

Jasper nodded. "It shouldn't have, really. Things weren't good between us long before that. We had an argument. A bad one. I couldn't face her after that – and she didn't want me to. She told me not to bother coming down to see her. I guess I just dropped the bomb that way because it was getting too intense with Alice. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold off physically much longer, and I'm not a cheater."

My eyes flashed to his. He was being truthful.

"I never fooled around on her. It's a piss poor excuse for breaking up with her the way I did, but I can honestly say I was faithful. Is that the problem you have with Alice? You think I'm gonna fuck that up too, and you don't want to be involved?"

I shook my head. That wasn't it at all.

"Ed, look… don't take this the wrong way, but I kinda don't want you being so close to Alice. I mean, not like you were with Bella. That was a weird situation all around. I know we were all friends first… it's the same with Alice, really. But there was always this… thing… between you and Bella. It's really stupid." He paused to chuckle, rubbing his hand over his chin. "Sometimes I felt like I couldn't compete with that, y'know? I'd fuck up, and you were always there to make her feel better. I used to think it should have been me – but I know that's completely selfish. I'm glad you were there for her. Truly, I am. You're the best brother I could ever have, and it was dumb to ever be jealous of what you meant to her."

We sat in silence for a few moments, as I took it all in.

"Still haven't heard from her?" he asked me quietly. I shook my head. "Man, I'm even sorrier about that. I fucked things up for you, too. I never meant to, Ed. I would never want to take something like that from you."

_But you did…_ "Well, I guess if you were willing to give up Alice for me, I'd say we're even."

"That wasn't your choice though," he countered, not knowing how wrong he was. I'd given up Bella without ever having her – for my brother. "Are we cool?"

"Yeah. We're cool. Please tell Alice how sorry I am. I'll make it up to her. Somehow."

Jasper nodded at me with his easy grin. "Listen, I've gotta ask… what's the deal with the stone in the lemonade cap? I keep seeing it and it's driving me nuts! Isn't that the thing Bella gave you?"

My heart raced. Why was I so protective over that? It drove me insane just to know he looked at it, let alone wondered about it. "It was in my pocket one day, and I forgot about it. I stuffed the lid in there and forgot about it, too. Somehow it ended up wedged."

"I can fix that!" We both flew to it, but he was closer. I wanted to rip it out of his hand, but overreacting that way would be ridiculous. He popped it out, holding it up proudly. "There ya go!"

"Thanks." I grabbed it. In my palm, I felt its smoothness – the serenity it always brought me. He hadn't contaminated it for me. If anything, this talk had solidified both relationships. Bella had been my best friend, but Jasper was my brother. Always.

"What's this? Some kind of contest code or something?"

Fuck! He still had the lemonade cap, and he was inspecting it – the inside – where I had painstakingly written the date.

"B-9-25-99. Is it a combination or something? He examined it closer, turning it in circles to read it. "It looks like a date."

_It is a date. The day I fell in love._

"Dude, you had a cap from 1999 in your pocket? That's insane!" He laughed. Good. _Keep laughing, Jazz._

The laughter stopped. The wheels of his mind turned. "What's the 'B' for, Edward?"

I stared at the cap, turning the stone over and over in my hand.

"Ed? What's the 'B' stand for?"

I had to respond. I had to say… something! "I… it's just…"

"Fuck. Fuck! This is… oh man, please don't tell me this is… Is this from Bella, too?"

"It's just a thing! Just a stupid thing. I would have thrown it out, but the stone was stuck –"

"You wanted her. From the beginning, you wanted her." He was strangely calm as it all came clear. Rose was right, Jasper hadn't picked up on the depth of my feelings before. Now he was seeing that he hadn't imagined some 'thing' between me and Bella – my love for her was there, and real. It was always there.

"Jazz, we're just friends."

"That's why you were so determined to go to Phoenix for the funeral. God damn it, Edward! I should have known."

"We're friends…"

"You never…? Did you…?"

"Never."

"Even in Phoenix?"

"Even then. I swear to God. I swear to _you_!" The exchange was so rapid and broken it was like I finally knew how he and Rosalie communicated. We didn't have to say the words – he was asking if anything had ever happened between Bella and I. He was asking if she was unfaithful to him. He was asking if I'd betrayed him.

"I did love her, Edward. You know that. You _knew_ that then!"

"I swear on her life, Jazz, nothing ever happened."

He stared at me for a long while before muttering, "I believe you."

"Can we just forget about this?" I pleaded, still in shock at the rapid turn of events. We'd just reconnected. We were cool. And now… he knew.

"Forget that you lusted after my girlfriend? Or forget that you kept a collection of it? Shit… I'm sorry." One look at my face and he changed back into my brother. Embracing me, he whispered, "Sorry. I'm so sorry," over and over.

It was my turn to reassure him. "We're brothers, Jasper. No girl will ever come between us. I'd never let that happen."

That day, a chapter of my life was closed. Any wistful hope of ever being with Bella was smashed, then and there. I would stop my fruitless attempts to contact her. I would let her go, just as she wanted. As he wanted. It hurt him to know that I loved her too. He didn't have to say it, I felt it. It was in his eyes. The understanding that I'd given up my own love for him was in there too. Finally, I had done something right for my brother, and he knew it. On that day, we became equals.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ *whew* That's an end to the backstory, my friends. Not so bad, was it? ;) I know most of you thought Jasper knew all along, but he really was that clueless (and self-centered, as some boys are :P) It is so easy to want to strangle him, or castrate him ;), for what he did to Bella, but this story is about "true love". I do hope you can find it in your hearts to be a little happy for him finding his true love. Maybe after Edward gets reunited with his? We'll see. _

_Okay, I've got a little pimping to do, if you'll bear with me: _  
><em>Anyone like preg!fic? Anyone like writing challenges? Anyone like writing preg!fic? I know some lovely people who are just mad for preg!fic of all kinds. So mad, they're hosting the second Beautiful Bellies challenge, right here on ff.n. Okay, okay, so one of them happens to be my wonderful beta-reader, sshg316. *waves to Shug* And another so happens to be my original pimp from way back *waves to Ginny*, and I'm really glad to be able to spread the word for them in my own little way. So, Shug, GinnyW31, and Twitina are hosting this challenge and I doubt I'll be able to get anything written for them, so please, please, please put on your preg!fic creative caps and help them out! Check out the details here: fanfiction(dot)netu/2791564/Beautiful_Bellies (or look in my favorite authors for an easier link - I've just added it). _

_I'm so thankful to have all of you following my story. Hope you know!_

_Oh, and my pre-reader, msj... you fucking complete me, girlfriend. Srsly._

_Thanks for reading, and I'll see you Monday. Gotta run! XX ~ SR_


	11. Chapter 10

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 10**

_**Eight years later**_

The ringing phone brought me out of my reverie. Looking at the clock, I saw that I'd been sitting on my couch for three hours thinking about those years with, and then without, Bella. The caller ID showed it was my sister.

"Hey, Rose."

"Holy shit, I can't believe it. The accident… are you sure it's Bella?"

"Positive."

I heard her sigh. I could picture her face contorted in sadness. "Shit. I'm sorry you found her that way. I mean, it's horrible that she was in that crash, but for you to be the one to ID her… damn, Edward. Are you okay?"

I threw my head back against the couch, pinching my nose. "Better than she is at the moment."

"What are you…? Are you going to go see her?"

I chuckled at the apprehension in her voice. "What do you think?"

"Should you go? I think… probably not. It's taken you so long to move past those years. I hate to think of what this is doing to you. Now, will you go? I'm almost positive you will. Because you're you."

Laughing again at her assessment, I finally kicked off my shoes and headed for the kitchen. "What if I stop by the hospital before coming to your place?" I poured a large glass of orange juice.

"You could wait, and I'll go with you."

"I should do this alone, I think."

"Your decision."

"Will you still feed me afterwards? I'm starving."

"See you when you get here. I'm sure I can scrounge up some grub of some sort for you." She laughed softly before wishing me luck and hanging up.

I downed the juice and headed for the shower. I could hear the phone ringing again while I was in there, but the hot stream of water on my back felt too good to haul my ass out to run for it. I retrieved the message after I dressed and grabbed an apple from the fridge.

'_Hi, honey. I guess you're sleeping. Just checking in. I missed you last night, but I saw the accident on the news. A plane crashed onto the highway! Jesus. I couldn't sleep, thinking about how you could have been involved in the crash yourself if you'd been a bit earlier. I'm so proud of you for stopping to help. Anyway, just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. Call me when you get up. We can reschedule our date night. Bye, hon!'_

I hit erase, and picked up my keys. I'd call Lauren back later. The only thing on my mind at the moment was Bella. The hospital was practically across the street from my building, but I still felt like I couldn't get there soon enough.

Nodding to staff members I knew on my way through, I headed straight for the admittance desk. "Good morning, Louise. Got an update for me on the accident victims last night?"

"Good afternoon, Edward." She corrected me with a kind smile. "And yes, I'll look them up for you. Give me a sec." Her hands worked on the keyboard, calling up the night's events. "Ohhhh, looks like one didn't make it."

My heart moved up into my throat. I didn't want to hear of anyone dying, but I just prayed it wasn't Bella. "Which one?"

"The first one they brought in. Male… mid-thirties. Unidentified."

I pressed my eyes closed, saying a silent prayer for him. "And the others?"

"A younger male is still in surgery. He had extensive bleeding – they removed his spleen last night. They're setting his fractures now. Looks like he may lose a leg. They're trying to save it. The woman –"

"From the plane?" I interrupted, not recalling if there had been more than one woman involved. From the moment I'd identified Bella, she was the only one I saw.

"Uh-huh. Isabella Swan. Lucky gal! She's out of surgery. Room… 319. Her father's here already –"

"Thanks, Louise!" I was already taking off with a grin. "You're the best!"

"Anytime, Edward!" I heard her chuckle at me before she picked up the ringing phone on her desk.

I looked for Charlie in the lounge first. Not finding him there, I headed for room 319. It was in ICU. The nurse at the desk didn't bat an eye as I walked through. I didn't know her by name, but she'd seen me there before. I stood in front of 319, peering through the glass. The curtains were open so the nurse's station opposite had a view of her. She was asleep as the monitors beeped around her, and alone.

"Edward. I should have known you'd show up at some point."

I had been so engrossed in the vision in front of me that I hadn't even heard Charlie approach. "Charlie," I greeted him with a nod. The absence of my usual smile for him seemed odd, but I couldn't muster one for any reason.

"I understand you're the one who identified her." He shook his head sadly. "Thank God you were there. I can't imagine my daughter here all alone, nameless. I can't imagine not even knowing she was…" His voice cracked while tears pooled in his eyes. I slid an arm around his shoulder, and he embraced me in a quick tough-guy-breaking sort of way. It was clumsy and awkward, but there was no way around it. "Thank God you were there," he repeated quietly.

Charlie and I had stayed in contact over the years, resulting in a first-name basis relationship. I had the utmost respect for him, both professionally and as Bella's father. He respected the way I had always put his daughter first, just like family, and also the way I'd gotten my shit together and joined him in the emergency services field.

"It was quite a shock," I admitted. "This was the last thing I expected. How is she? She had surgery last night?"

"There was internal damage. Shit load of bleeding. I don't know how many units of blood they've transfused. They just keep coming with them. Other than the swelling and bruising – and the damn machines and tubes she's hooked up to – you'd never know what she's been through. Not a single bone broken."

I chuckled softly. "That's Bella."

"She hasn't regained consciousness. We don't know how serious her head injury is."

"Shit," I muttered. What else could I say?

Charlie hummed in agreement beside me. "I have a favour to ask, if you don't mind. Seeing as you're here."

"Shoot. Anything."

"This place has the world's worst coffee, and I'm dying for a decent cup. Would you mind staying here with her while I run out? You have my number. Just call if there's any change? I'll only be a few minutes."

"Take your time, Charlie. I won't leave her side." It pleased me to know he trusted me with Bella's care, and it eased my worry that he'd tell me to just leave her alone.

I donned the protective paper suit and stepped into her cubicle. Seeing Bella through the glass partition was tough enough – being in there with her set off a full set of emotions. My legs felt too weak to stand, so I pulled up a chair next to her bed. My own breathing was rapid compared to the rhythmic breaths coming from her. She looked peaceful at least. At rest…

My breath caught in my throat as I forced that thought out of my head. It made it seem like she was dead – or dying. She wasn't going to die. I wouldn't let her.

"Just sleep, Bella," I whispered near her head. "Sleep until you feel better. You're not alone. I'm right here with you, and your dad's here. We'll be here, Bella. Every minute. I promise you. You'll never be alone."

She moaned softly, causing me to halt my monologue. I checked her monitors for abnormalities. Nothing seemed off. It may have been involuntary. Returning to my previous position, I stroked her hair while I continued whispering consoling words. Another moan caused me to smile. My Bella was in there. Somewhere behind the deep veil of unconsciousness, she was functioning and alert. And she knew I was with her.

~ 0 ~

"Thanks for feeding me." I smiled, dog-assed tired. "Sorry for cutting out on you like this. I'll stay over next time?"

Rosalie gave me a tight hug. "Next time. I know you want to get back to check in on Bella."

"Who said I'm going to the hospital?"

My sister rolled her eyes at me. "Where else would you be? Drive careful. You're dead on your feet." She kissed my cheek before holding the door open for me. "Hey, should we tell Jasper?"

I gave it some thought. He never spoke about Bella – not to me, anyway. I had no idea if it would cause him stress, and he didn't need extra stress. They had a new baby at home finally, after a rough start. Little Emily had been born prematurely after a difficult pregnancy and spent her first three months in the hospital. They deserved to just enjoy her for now. There was no point drawing him into this without even knowing Bella's prognosis. "Let's wait on that," I voiced my decision. "At least until we know what's going on."

I had no idea when that would be. There had been no change in her condition when I checked in on her before going home. They had brought in a cot for Charlie, and he was stretched uncomfortably on it, but sleeping, regardless of any discomfort. I didn't disturb him, instead watching over Bella from the other side of the glass for a half hour or so before going home. Not sleeping for two days did wonders for my own sleep. I collapsed on my own bed without moving for a solid nine hours.

~ 0 ~

I brought Charlie a decent coffee when I returned in the morning. He was rumpled and worried looking, but grateful for the java. I noticed several empty cups from the vending machine in the trash can when I pulled the chair over by him to sit down.

"Not much sleep, huh?"

He rubbed at his neck, grimacing. "I'd register a grievance over the condition of this cot, but truthfully, I wouldn't have slept well in a king's bed. This ol' back won't like me if I put it through this much longer, though." It creaked and cracked, driving his point home as he stretched.

"You here for the long haul?" I hadn't even considered Charlie's predicament. "How long can you stay off work?"

He blew out a heavy sigh. "Well, I've got two weeks of vacation left. But I don't plan on leaving before my girl's awake and on her way to recovery." His weary eyes were locked on Bella's unmoving form. "I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens."

"You know, my place is just across the street. Feel free to use it if you want to grab a shower or sit on a comfortable piece of furniture." My offer was genuine and extended with a grin. "I have a spare room you can use any time – now or if you have to travel back and forth. You're more than welcome."

That captured his interest. "If you're serious, I would kill for a hot shower."

We agreed to do split shifts, as neither of us wanted Bella to be left alone for any length of time. I had called in to book off for the next couple of days, and having just had a good sleep, I took the first shift after settling Charlie in at my home. I could hear him snoring before I even left the apartment. I dropped my spare key on the kitchen counter for him to lock up when he left. I wasn't planning to return until he was with Bella.

I sat silently at Bella's side for the first hour, unable to take my eyes off her. I only moved when the nurse came in to check on her. Then I got brave and touched her. I began with her hair, softly brushing it off her face with my fingertips. After stroking her hair for a while, I moved down to her cheek, avoiding the bruised areas near her temple and along her jaw. Her skin was so warm and soft. She made me think of the last time I'd seen her, in Phoenix – she was so vulnerable then, too. Just as I had that night together, I began singing to her softly.

"…when I feel blue, in the night… and I need you, to hold me tight… whenever I want you, all I have to do is drea-ea-ea-ea-eam." Everything in the room faded into the distant background. We weren't in a hospital room. There weren't tubes feeding this beautiful girl. There weren't constant beeps from monitors. Nothing, and no one, existed besides me and Bella.

"I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine… anytime night or day. Only trouble is, gee whiz… I'm dreamin' my life away –"

"Don't let me stop you." The nurse in the room burst my Bella bubble. She was smiling. Hell, practically swooning. "It's time for her sponge bath, but finish up! That was really sweet. I'll just wait."

I was on my feet, hands in my pockets, and mouth pinched into a thin line in a flash. I shook my head hurriedly. "I'll be back when you're done," I mumbled as I darted past her. I didn't still suffer the low self-esteem I once had, but I was not prepared to share such a private thing with a staff member, or anyone else for that matter. That was meant only for Bella to hear.

I took the opportunity to grab a shitty coffee. Charlie was right; it was the world's worst. Then I called Rosalie to give her an update. She and Emmett were taking advantage of a day off together and were headed for the woods for some hiking and a night of camping out. She promised to have her cell phone on in case I needed her, and she'd pop in when they got home and cleaned up in the morning.

Charlie returned mid-afternoon, shaved and smelling good, and looking much more rested. He brought me coffee and a sandwich, which I devoured.

"What were you doing when I came in, anyway?" he asked, sipping on his own steaming liquid.

"Reading the paper," I replied with a smirk.

"Out loud?"

I hummed, nodding. "I ran out of things to talk about without any prompts, so I just started reading to her. She seems to rest better when she hears that someone's with her." I shrugged. I had no idea if that was true, but I just felt like she was calmer somehow.

Charlie smiled at me strangely. He didn't frequently give out smiles – occupational hazard or just his personality – but when he did, I knew his intentions. There was his warm 'Jesus, it's good to see you' smile, and his amused 'You're shitting me, right?' smile. This smile was neither.

"What?" I challenged.

"Absolutely nothing. I can't smile?" He still wore the same look, though his lip was beginning to turn up slightly in amusement.

"Does Bella know this smile? I'm not familiar with it."

He chuckled. "She does, in fact. When she wakes up, ask her about it."

I dropped the subject, smiling myself. Charlie was optimistic. He didn't say 'if' Bella wakes up; it was 'when'. "I can sleep on the cot tonight, if you want. I'm going to see what I can do about changing around shifts when I go back, but I'm fine to take the night shift here if you want to give your back a break. Rosalie is going to stop by tomorrow, too. I'm sure she'll share some room time with us."

"I was surprised she hadn't been in yet," he commented. "I know Bella cut you all out of her life rather abruptly, but I really thought Rosalie would –"

"Care?" I finished his sentence for him. "She does. This is her first stretch of days off in almost three weeks. She had plans. And once she's back to work, I'm sure she'll be dropping into Bella's room every chance she gets." Rosalie was completing her surgical rotation, specializing in neurosurgery at this facility.

"You know, at one point, I was certain she'd go into law enforcement. She used to love hanging out at the station," he mused.

"I remember."

"And the way she kept you boys in line… admirable. But so is neurosurgery – if you want to take the easy route."

I chuckled along with him. He wore his pride for my sister's accomplishments as if she were his own daughter. He was even proud of Jasper when he graduated law school and got hired on for Family Law at a prestigious firm in Seattle. He often asked about Rosalie and Emmett, but we seldom brought up Jasper. The only person more rarely discussed was Bella. I wasn't sure if he was uncomfortable talking to me about her, or he honestly didn't know many details of her life, but he divulged next to nothing about her over the years. I knew she was writing. I'd even purchased a copy of the two books she'd had published. The little blurbs about the author in those didn't provide me with anything either. The topic gave me more: dysfunctional families. Her degree in sociology was noted in the self-help book, along with the children's book about a home with no parents. It had touched me deeply and made me want to know if she had found happiness at all. The books offered nothing in regards to that. All I knew was the Bella I'd known as a teenager, so that's how she remained in my mind.

"Oh, before I forget…" Charlie spoke abruptly, interrupting my thoughts. "You had a visitor. She scared the shit out of me, actually. I got up to take a leak and heard someone coming in. I thought it was you. It wasn't. Obviously."

Shit! I'd completely forgotten about calling Lauren back. "Sorry about that. I wasn't expecting her, but I should have warned you that could happen. She drops in sometimes. Leaves me meals."

"Uh-huh." Charlie gave me a 'don't bullshit me' look. "She's quite attractive."

I nodded. "She is." What could I say?

"She didn't have any food with her, so I can only assume she visits for other reasons from time to time."

I chuckled, feeling my face heat up. "She does."

"Girlfriend? Or casual friend? That is, if you don't mind me asking."

"Um… casual girlfriend?" I replied truthfully.

"You give out keys to your apartment quite freely," he stated.

"Okay, Chief. Point taken. I've known her for years. She got married and divorced last year. We've been dating for a few months."

"Casually…"

"Sort of." I stared back at him, not allowing his questioning manner to intimidate me. Okay, it intimidated me a little. I began snickering. "I don't know… we've just been going with it. No long-term plans discussed. I've been a bad casual boyfriend these past couple of days. I don't even know if we're still going with it at this point."

"She said she'd drop in on you later on," Charlie announced without overtly acknowledging my confession. "You may want to rethink your offer to stay here tonight."

Lauren normally stayed over at my place when I had a few days off. Typically, I would go hang out at her restaurant. I'd have dinner with her in her office and then a few drinks while she closed up for the night. Then we'd head back to my apartment since it was closer. I'd given her a key a couple of weeks earlier when she had a day off. She had wanted to cook for me at home and needed to start it before I got in from work.

"She's probably worried. I haven't even called her since –" _Since the accident._ I stood hastily for the second time of the day. "I should go see her. Explain what's going on here…" I ran my hands through my hair. "I'll be back later on."

"Take your time, son. You're not obligated to be here at all."

Wasn't I? My head, my heart… everything told me I was where I should be. "I need to be here," I admitted quietly. "I'll just go… take care of things. I'll be back."

Charlie stretched and reached for my discarded newspaper. "I'll be here. Oh, and Edward? Please apologize to Lauren for my state of undress. Like I said, I thought it was you."

Trying to keep a straight face, I nodded and gave him a wave. Suddenly, I was thankful Lauren had dropped in. I loved Charlie in my own way, but I wouldn't have been prepared to see him naked. Lauren probably handled that much better than I would have.

~ 0 ~

"Hey." I smiled impishly at Lauren when I entered her restaurant. She was at the hostess stand, clearly surprised to see me walk in.

"Hey, yourself!" She stepped around and embraced me. "I met your friend at your apartment."

"Yeah. He told me."

She looked around her dining room, waving over one of the wait staff. "Can you watch the desk? I'm taking a little break." Taking my arm, she led through. Stopping at the bar, she ordered two drinks and we took them to a table in a closed section. "I ordered you some food, too. You've been at the hospital all day?"

"I have, but you don't have to feed me."

She brushed my comment off, reaching for my hand. I clenched it into a fist and she wrapped hers around it. "So your friend's daughter was in an accident? Was it the one you stopped for the other night?" Lauren looked genuinely concerned. I wondered how much Charlie had told her. I realized that I probably should have asked him.

"I ID'd her," I admitted softly. My voice wavered.

"Oh, honey!" Her arms went around my neck in an offer of comfort. "I'm so sorry! That must have been so hard for you! Do you know her very well then?"

I squinted in my own confusion. "I… yeah… no. Not really. I mean, yeah… I used to…"

"You're still in shock," she commented softly.

"I haven't seen her in years," I admitted. "Seeing her like that… after all this time… it's –"

"You were close once," she surmised. "So she's our age? For some reason, I thought she was younger. Charlie spoke of her like she was his little girl."

I snorted out a chuckle. "Yeah. He does that. If I'm honest, I'm kind of stuck on that too. It seems like she hasn't aged any – hasn't changed. It's hard to think of her as an actual adult, not a student."

"You knew her from school? Or through Charlie? I don't understand the connection."

"School. And Charlie. And my brother." I stopped to blow out a breath and take a long swallow of the beer Lauren had drawn for me. "Bella used to be with Jasper."

"You're kidding!" Lauren's face showed her shock. "I didn't think life existed for him before Alice!"

Lauren had met Alice and Jasper several times, most recently at their daughter's christening. It was the first family event I'd ever taken a date to. Everyone had treated her like royalty, and Alice, especially, had taken to her like a sister. Lauren had only ever known them as a couple, and she had seen them as everyone else did – meant to be. That's exactly how Jasper felt. He claimed she was his one true love. Even I had accepted that he was right. They were perfect together.

"In high school," I mumbled, not really wanting to talk about it. My siblings were still the only ones who knew my feelings for Bella, and I wanted to keep it that way. "Anyway, Charlie is staying at my place until Bella improves. It's been really hectic. I apologize for not calling you, it's just been crazy."

"Edward, I understand." Her soft voice showed the sincerity in her words. It made me feel even worse. "Listen, after you eat, why don't you go home and get some sleep? I'll come over once I'm closed up here. I'll take care of you. Maybe a nice, hot bath…"

I knew where she was going with this, and it was the last thing I could think of doing with Bella lying unconscious so near. "Lauren, I have a houseguest, remember?"

"Okay, so we'll skip the bathroom antics. Take it to your room. I am capable of being discreet… quiet, even."

She did have some lungs and was quite vocal during sex. "I'm not so sure you can hold back that much." I grinned at her. "Regardless, it's not the night to test it. I told Charlie that I'd stay with Bella so he could have a full night's sleep in a real bed. Sorry."

I had hoped not to offend her. She looked disappointed but not put off. "I'm just so worried about you. I want to be there for you."

"I know… I know that. I am sorry." Tilting her chin up to look at me, I repeated my words. "I really am sorry." A soft kiss accented my apology. "I should get back. I told him I wouldn't be gone long."

"Your dinner!"

"I actually ate already." Putting on my best abashed look, I hoped once more that she wouldn't be upset. "Charlie brought in some sandwiches."

"That's not a meal. I'll get them to pack it up to go. You can warm it up later." She gave me another kiss before standing. "I _am_ going to take care of you."

The hug she gave me outside the restaurant was comforting. The goodnight kiss was steamier than the ones inside the dining room. I felt like the luckiest bastard in the world as I held onto my boxed meal and tasted my sweet girlfriend. The support she was showing endeared her to me in a way I hadn't felt before. "Thanks, baby. For everything. I'll call you in the morning."

"Call me if there's any change – anything. Anytime. If you need me at all, I'll be right there."

It struck me that I'd only just pronounced this relationship as 'casual' to Charlie. Suddenly it seemed anything but. We seemed to have reached a new stage – a new closeness – and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

~ 0 ~

I pondered the idea of having a fully committed, permanent relationship overnight in Bella's room. It was something I'd always envied in others – Mom and Dad, Rosalie and Emmett, and Alice and Jasper. They certainly all seemed to have found their true love. I'd had a few relationships, none of them near what I wanted, yet suitable for the time. Until today, that's what Lauren was. Well, to be honest, she was a little more to me than the others, or I wouldn't have taken her to Emily's christening. Would my niece start calling her 'Aunt Lauren' when she started talking, or should we be married for that? Did I want to be married? Marriage wasn't something I'd even considered. Did I want to marry Lauren?

These things rolled around in my brain as I stretched out as best I could on the cot. There was no way in hell I would be able to sleep, even if it was comfortable.

Was Lauren thinking of marriage and being an aunt? Was she thinking of being a mother? She couldn't be – she'd never mentioned wanting children, and her business was the most important thing in the world to her. She was already married to her restaurant – part of the reason her previous marriage ended so quickly. That was a plus for me, actually. I certainly didn't want children. I would never curse a child with my shitty DNA. I honestly liked that Lauren spent so much time at work.

Did that mean I didn't truly want a commitment from her? Surely, if I was glad to spend time apart from her on a regular basis, that must mean I wasn't looking for something permanent. But if it happened, would it be so bad? She's generous and smart, absolutely gorgeous, and we were fucking fantastic together in bed. That, for the long term, wasn't anything to rue. Most likely, it was heading in this direction anyway. Bella's accident just gave it a little nudge.

I sat up, resting on my elbows to take a look at Bella. New thoughts, mixed with old, pushed out any consideration of marriage. This may have spurred Lauren on to get closer, but I felt myself being nudged in the other direction. Bella was generous and smart. And she was gorgeous, as well. And funny. And intuitive. She knew me better than anyone outside of family. She knew me better than Lauren; she understood me better than Lauren. Did that mean Lauren would never get to the stage of knowing me the way Bella did? She probably could. But part of me didn't want that. A huge part of me wanted to keep myself just for Bella. I'd been fine all these years without having someone be so in tune with me. It wasn't necessary, but I sure as hell wanted that back with Bella.

My friend, Bella.

When she woke, would she be glad to know I'd been here? Would she be happy to see me – welcome me back into her life? Or would she withdraw and ask me to leave her alone again. That would kill me. I couldn't get my hopes up. I couldn't allow myself to believe that this meant anything to her. She didn't even know I was here.

Suddenly, I felt like an intruder. _What if she doesn't want me here? She had no choice in the matter – I just threw myself into the situation. She could hate me for taking advantage of the situation._

My head was pounding. I hadn't suffered a migraine in years, but I easily recalled the signs and knew it was already past the point of no return.

Charlie noticed the difference the moment he arrived in the morning. He looked refreshed, holding two cups of coffee. His smile turned into a frown when he spotted me sitting in the darkest corner with two cold compresses – one for the forehead, and the second on the back of my neck.

"You look like hell, son," he announced, setting my cup beside me. "This is taking its toll on you. Go on home now. I'll handle it."

"Charlie, I need to ask you something." I didn't move an inch and kept my voice very low and level so as not to induce more pounding. The aroma of the coffee that would normally make my mouth water was only serving to make me nauseated. "Am I doing the right thing? Being here, I mean."

I heard him pull up a second chair and he sat across from me. Thankfully, when he spoke, his voice matched mine. "That depends on whose interests we're speaking of. By the look of it, it's not in your best interest."

"Migraine," I stated. "I'll be fine after I puke my guts up."

He chuckled softly. "That's good to know."

I sighed heavily. "I almost feel selfish."

"Selfish?" Charlie's voice showed his surprise at my confession. "How on earth do you see spending eighteen or more hours a day at someone's bedside – while they're unconscious – as being selfish? If anything, I'm the selfish one here. I've been so grateful to have you take some of the burden off me that I haven't stopped to consider how this is affecting your life. I'm sorry for that."

It pleased me to know that if nothing else, I was doing something good for Charlie. "I'm being a lousy boyfriend," I admitted as much to myself as to him.

"Your friend, Lauren, seemed very understanding."

"She is. She's being great about this. I've just sort of pushed her aside to do what I feel I need to do."

"You don't have to be here, Edward."

"I do, though. I want to be here for you. And Bella…" My stupid lip quivered saying her name so I shut up.

"It's understandable that you're torn. We're both still in shock. I imagine it's even worse for you." Charlie cleared his throat loudly, making me cringe. "I know we've never really discussed this after that day in my office… I think my daughter made a mistake. Well, probably a few mistakes, but the biggest one was cutting you out of her life."

I hesitated for a moment. It felt wrong to be discussing this in front of Bella – even if there was only the remote chance that somehow she could hear us. "Did she say that?" I finally asked, needing to know the answer.

"She didn't have to. She knows it, and I know it. She's never been the same. In a way, she isolated herself all those years ago. I spoke with Kate last Christmas – first time in years – she's so much like her mother. Beautiful, generous woman."

I smiled at Charlie's moment of reflection. I'd liked Kate very much when I'd met her as well. It seemed as though Charlie had more than a wistful wish that her sister had been more like her.

"Anyway, Kate told me that Bella never brings anyone around to the house –"

"Bella lives there – with Kate and Garrett?"

"Yep. Renee up and sold the house from under her. She hasn't spoken to her since. More isolation."

I whistled through my teeth. "She must have been devastated. Gran's house meant a lot to her."

"Her and Kate. I would have thought it would make them have an even stronger bond, but she kind of pulled away from them too. She lives with them, but not like a family member would. She spends most of her time at the school."

"But she graduated years ago… didn't she?" I knew I was pressing for information about Bella's life, but I didn't care. If Charlie was finally willing to give up details, I would surely listen.

"She works there. Under her _'mentor'_."

I could hear the distaste in Charlie's voice. Hell, I could practically hear the sneer. I lifted my compress to look at him. "You disapprove?"

"Not my place to judge." Charlie looped his hands behind his head. "But no. I don't like it one bit. And here I am being selfish again. We were talking about you."

"This is fine. I'm curious to know what she's been up to." I also knew that Charlie had a keen sense of character judgment, and it made me wonder why he disliked Bella's mentor so much.

"Well, I'm gonna say my piece – just throw it out there and let the chips fall where they may. I think it's in Bella's best interest to have you here. She's in dire need of the friend she had in you all those years ago. The last thing I want to do is put you in a bad place, but you say you want to be here… if that's the case, then I think you're doing the right thing. I just don't want to see you jeopardize your other relationships, if that's what's going on. Can you juggle, Edward?"

I knew laughing would make my head throb, but I couldn't stop it. "With my lack of grace? Not likely. But I'll give it a shot."

"You should take off for a while. Do something for you. I'll hold down the fort for as long as you need." He slapped me on the knee, encouraging me to get up. "And Edward, don't drive yourself nuts trying to sort through this in your head. Things have a way of falling just how they should if you just let it play out."

It felt good having a heart-to-heart with Charlie. I'd never gone to my own dad for advice on girls or relationships. It was the wrong dad, and ten years too late, but Charlie helped me more than he could ever know with that little talk.

I went home, ate, puked, and ate again before showering. The worst of the migraine was over, so I popped some ibuprofen to keep the lingering twinges from getting stronger and headed over to Lauren's. It was her day off, and I felt like I should do something nice for her.

~ 0 ~

"Aww! Aren't you a sweetheart!" Lauren accepted my flowers and greeting kiss with enthusiasm. "I'm supposed to be taking care of you, and here you are being romantic."

_Not romantic – apologetic._ This was groveling, not a romantic gesture. "I know I've been shitty to you the past few days. I wanted you to know how much I appreciate the way you've handled this situation. You really are an amazing woman, Lauren."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, rubbing our noses together with a grin. "I'd do anything for you, Edward. Now you know." The nose nuzzling turned into a kiss. The kiss intensified, as did her grip on my neck. It was still tender from the migraine, so I gently removed her hands and led her to the couch with my hand on her back.

"How is your friend?" Lauren nestled in beside me, tucking her legs under herself and running her fingers through the back of my hair. "Is she doing any better?"

I shook my head. "No change."

"Charlie's there with her now?"

Nodding, I grinned at the familiarity she used.

"Good. Can I go with you when you go back?"

My grin fell. I wasn't expecting that and had no idea how to respond diplomatically. "Uh… I don't know about that. I'd feel uncomfortable bringing a stranger into Bella's room." I felt Lauren tense up against my side. Shit. That wasn't cutting it. "I would like you to meet her when she's conscious, I mean. It wouldn't be fair for you to meet her without her knowing it. I think she'd feel more comfortable meeting on common ground."

Lauren hummed her understanding, resting her head on my shoulder. That must have been the right thing to say.

"What are your plans for your day off?" I asked, wanting to change the subject quickly.

"Taking care of you. That's my plan for the entire day."

Doubt flooded my mind again – part of me enjoyed the thought of that. Normally, a day off in Lauren's care would be very pleasing. Today, however, another woman was calling to me, and I wanted, and needed, to respond to that woman. I would continue being a lousy boyfriend. If Charlie was right, it was out of my hands.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ So here we are, back to the prologue set-up. We won't have questions answered until Bella wakes up. Soon enough. ;) I know you're cursing me for Lauren, right? But could we really expect that no sane woman has grabbed him up in all this time? Come on. Lauren is completely OOC, BTW. I couldn't put E with a woman who wasn't worthy of him. _

_Shug is my beta-reader who patiently persists with my punctuation issues. msj, my pre-reader, manages to make me believe I'm not completely crazy. Amazing. And I feel so fortunate to have readers who keep coming back, even when I'm a total slacker when it comes to responses. :( I suck that way, but it's not intentional. I value each one of you. Thanks for reading. XX ~ SR_


	12. Chapter 11

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 11**

I practically took Rosalie off her feet when I rushed off the elevator in ICU that evening. She laughed, accepting my apology, and gave me a big hug.

"Scrubs?" I inquired, eyebrows raised. "Out of clean clothes for your third day off in a row? You need to train Emmett better."

"Funny. Actually, I just got out of surgery. I came in to see Bella and Charlie when we got home, and I had to do an emergency procedure. Can't even visit old friends." Rosalie gripped my arm when she saw my reaction. "No, no, no! It wasn't Bella! It was another patient. Oh god, I'm sorry!"

I took several deep breaths. She had scared the life out of me.

"My god, Edward, you're positively grey! Sit down for a minute. You look like shit. If Bella's awake, you'll scare the hell out of her." She led me to the small lounge, and we sat side by side.

"Do you think she'll wake up soon?" I trusted Rosalie more than any of the doctors here to tell us straight.

"Hard to say. I haven't seen her or her chart yet. Have you been sleeping at all? I'm worried about you."

"Nothing _but_ sleeping today." Lauren's plans for comfort may have differed from what my body actually craved – the moment I'd hit her bed, I was sound asleep. I hadn't woken up until she had dinner on the table for us. "I'll feel better once you have a look at her. I want the truth."

Rosalie nodded at me reassuringly. "Ready to go see her?"

Another few deep breaths and I was more than ready. I'd missed her.

Charlie stood the moment I poked my head in the door. He waved us in, greeting Rosalie with a hug. "It's great to see you. Thank you for coming."

I grasped my sister's waist as tears filled her eyes. She had felt the sting of Bella's rejection of us as well. It wasn't to the extent I'd experienced, but I knew this had to be difficult for her too. She put on a brave face, clearing away her tears.

"Let's have a look."

"Should we leave?" I asked, accustomed to the routine of her frequent examinations.

"You can stay for now. I'm just going to go over her chart. But first things first…" She approached the head of Bella's bed. "Hey there, sweetie," she whispered, bending over our old friend in a deep sleep. "I've missed you so much." She placed a light kiss on her forehead – something I'd been tempted to do many, many times but hadn't had the guts.

Charlie and I watched as Rosalie went over Bella's chart. She mumbled along and nodded as she read. I understood most of what she was saying, but Charlie looked utterly lost. I nudged him with my elbow. "She'll speak in our language once she's done."

I had hoped to put him at ease, but the frown on Rosalie's face was countering my efforts.

"Okay… sorry, guys. I will have to ask you to step out for a few minutes. I want to have a look at her myself. Go grab something to eat or whatever. I'll call you when I'm done." She was putting fresh gloves on even as she spoke. We exited in silence and stayed that way until my phone rang.

Rosalie came down to the small cafeteria on the main level where we had gone. She poured herself a coffee and didn't even flinch at the bitter taste of it. She must be used to it.

"I wanted to talk to you here, rather than in the room. There's no proof that she can hear us, but I don't want to take any chances."

"It's bad then," Charlie stated. "My girl's really bad off, isn't she?"

"I'm not going to lie, Charlie… she's stable for now, but not nearly out of the woods. Her kidneys are at risk of failing. There was minimal damage to them from the crash, so that tells me there's something else going on. Combined with the fact that she's still comatose, I'm led to believe it's neurological. There's obviously cerebral swelling. With her kidneys shutting down, it would indicate a possible hemorrhage."

I felt sick to my stomach. Charlie looked like he was going to return the burger he'd just eaten as well. He couldn't even muster his cop face. "Hemorrhage… a brain hemorrhage. I'm not medically inclined, but I know that's never good."

"We can stop it," Rosalie stated swiftly. "I'm not even positive that's the problem. We've ordered an MRI, and we'll examine our course of action once that's done. The bigger problem right now is the baby. She'd fare much better if the fetus wasn't taking some of her resources."

I choked on my coffee. Bella's pregnant? Why the fuck hadn't Charlie mentioned that little nugget of information?

"Excuse me?" Charlie blurted. "Did you say 'baby'?"

Ah. He didn't know either.

"Oh, shit. Charlie, I'm sorry! I assumed you knew! Otherwise, I would have put it more delicately. I am so sorry."

Apparently Charlie was as stunned into silence as I was. Both of us sat there with blank, dumbfounded looks.

"Okay, I'll start this over." Rosalie inched her chair in closer, bending her head over the table so we could hear her soft voice. "Bella's about twenty weeks along. If the fetus were younger, it would have spontaneously aborted by now. Unfortunately, it's strong enough to have survived the trauma so far, but not strong enough to survive outside of the womb."

"I don't give a shit about the _fetus_!" Charlie's recovery from stunned silence was harsh. "I don't mean to be so blunt, but dammit! I want to know how _my_ baby is going to come out of this. Are you saying that she'd have a better chance without the… if she wasn't pregnant?"

Rosalie nodded sadly. "I'm sorry, but yes. That's true."

"Get rid of it then," he stated firmly, without hesitation. I was a little shocked by his firmness. I was still adapting to the thought of Bella carrying a baby inside her damaged body. I felt stupid for not even noticing the second heart monitor. Now that I knew, I realized I'd been listening to her baby's steady heartbeat all along, interspersed with the beeps of the machines.

"I'm not sure you can make that decision, Charlie," I spoke up for the first time. Sure, I wanted Bella to have the best chance of recovery possible, but she was pregnant. Babies weren't made on their own. That meant there was a father out there somewhere – a father who had the right to weigh in on that decision. Bella hadn't been as isolated as Charlie had thought.

~ 0 ~

Once Charlie calmed down, he agreed that we needed the father's input. We made it our jobs to locate him. Emmett and Rosalie contributed to the search as well. Once again, I had to shut Lauren out when she offered to come over and help. It felt invasive enough that the four of us who knew and loved Bella were digging into her personal life – I couldn't involve a stranger. The fact that I kept thinking of my girlfriend as a stranger didn't escape me, but I buried my guilt to help Bella. She had to come first right now.

"Okay! Guys, guys! I think I found something!" Emmett flew out of the chair he'd been perched on, scouring the internet all morning. Charlie was on the phone in the bedroom, but Rosalie and I rushed to see what Emmett was so excited about. "Charlie said Bella spent a lot of time at school, so I looked up ASU and bam! We've ID'd the other two passengers on the plane. There's a write-up about the loss of a 'beloved Professor V and his wife'. It also states that 'noted alumnus, Isabella Swan' was injured and encourages prayers for her recovery."

"That must be the professor who mentored her. Charlie mentioned she spent a lot of time at the school, working for him. Obviously, she travelled with him, too." I bit back the jealousy I felt. Bella was living a life that none of us knew about. Not only was she romantically involved with someone, but she clearly had a very close relationship with her mentor and his wife.

"How does that help us, Em?" Rose asked softly. "We're looking for the baby's father, not Bella's mentor or fellow crash victims."

He quirked an eyebrow in her direction.

"Oh, Emmett!" Slapping his shoulder, she huffed her way past him and into my kitchen. "Get your mind out of the gutter! He's married!"

"So…?"

"Bella wouldn't do that," I stated in blind faith. "She wouldn't. And besides, what guy would travel with his wife _and_ pregnant lover? Nice find, but it's still not what we're after."

Emmett shrugged and accepted the pastry Rosalie deposited into his hand. She offered me one as well, but I declined. They'd looked appetizing in the bakery when I'd purchased them, but now… not so much.

Charlie emerged from the bedroom looking ornery and extremely worn out. He seemed to have aged ten years in the past few days. Mostly, overnight. He took a pastry from the box and bit into it, flaky crumbs attaching themselves to his moustache.

"Any luck with Kate?" I asked.

"I hope not. I mean, I hope to hell she's wrong."

I watched the familiar exchange between my brother-in-law and sister. He waggled his eyebrows at her – his cocky way of displaying he was right. She stared him down icily until he dropped the cockiness and seemed to cower into his chair.

"Kate insists that the only male Bella spent time with was this professor fella. She moved in with him a few months ago."

"Professor Vultur-ica-caca?" Excitement renewed, Emmett attempted to pronounce the name of the deceased man.

"Professor V, as he's known," Charlie acknowledged. "She's wrong. She's got to be wrong! He's married…"

"We know," Rosalie and I said in unison. The realization that knew little of the woman Bella was today hit us hard. It looked more and more like she'd had an affair with her married professor, and was carrying his baby – a baby that was killing her.

"Okay, folks, let's take a positive spin on this." Emmett took charge when we all fell silent. "If this V dude is the father, he's dead." He took a moment to consider that and crossed himself in prayer. "May he rest in peace. Mrs V, too. But this would be good news. If the baby's father is no longer with us, then he has no say. It's entirely up to the mother, and since she can't speak for herself…"

"It goes to the next of kin." Rosalie nodded with a smile.

"That's you, Charlie," I pointed out.

He brushed the crumbs from his face, swallowed down the remainder of his coffee and cleared his throat. "Get rid of it."

~ 0 ~

We had all agreed that we were doing Bella more good by leaving her alone to work on a solution. Now that we seemed to have located the father, and determined he wasn't able to make the decision, there was a strong need to return to her side. We all went, much to the chagrin of the duty nurses.

"You all know the rules," she grumbled when we refused to cooperate and take turns in the room. "Just don't make me call security… _Doctor_ Cullen-McCarty." She gave Rosalie a teasing smirk with her show of respect.

Rose smiled at her. "I promise, Natalie… no loud music. No outside food. No toying with the equipment. We'll be little church mice in here. You won't even know the room is occupied. Thank you for your diligence."

Once she was out of the room, my sister turned her smile on us. "Gotta show her who's boss. But she's right. There are too many people in here. Edward, why don't you come chill with me for a little while, then we'll switch up."

I followed along obediently. We decided to take a walk around the block since the rain had stopped briefly.

"You okay?" Rose tucked her arm in mine as we strolled. "This must be so hard on you. It doesn't help that I threw the news of the baby out that way. I'm such an idiot! If you'd known, you would have told me, right?"

I nodded. "It's not your fault, Rose. I'm already recovering from the shock. I'll be fine. It's Bella we need to worry about. And Charlie. He's not taking this well."

"Ya think?" Rosalie snickered. "What gave it away? His refusal to call her unborn child a baby?"

"I know! It's either 'it' or a 'fetus'. My guess is he's trying to objectify it… make it less real. Or human. If the baby's an 'it', I guess it's not such a tough choice to make. I wouldn't want to be the one choosing."

Rose was quiet for a moment. "If you were, what you do? I can't be objective, Edward. I'd do anything for a baby."

"Oh, Rose… I'm so sorry!" I stopped her on the sidewalk to embrace her. Rosalie was unable to have children herself, and she was still weepy about it from time to time. "I didn't even consider how this would affect you. I'm sorry."

Bravely, she wiped away her tears and smiled at me as we continued our walk. "You're a guy. And as far as I know, you don't have the desperation for a child that I do, so… I hope this doesn't come out wrong. I don't want you to think I've forgotten how you felt about her." She gave me a tentative look, and I nodded at her to continue with her question. "If this was your baby, what would you do?"

"Report a miracle," I quipped, getting an eye roll. "Seriously…" I blew out a breath and tried to think of an honest answer.

"Don't overthink it. Just tell me what your gut reaction would be."

"I'd save Bella," I responded quietly. Bella had once meant everything in the world to me. I couldn't see how a brand new person – a little person who hadn't even been brought into the world yet – would change that.

"I notice that we've passed by Lauren's restaurant twice and you haven't even looked up, let alone stopped in to see her. Everything all right?"

I groaned. "This is me being an asshole. Appreciate the man you got, Rose. Em would never walk by you without stopping or even thinking of you. I'm really distracted by all of this stuff with Bella. I'm completely blowing it."

Rose draped her arm around my waist. "Wanna know what I think, big bro?"

"Always." My arm went to her waist, drawing her tightly against my side.

"Maybe you're kind of hoping you do blow it."

"What the fuck, Rose? You think I'm sabotaging my future happiness?" I wasn't angry with her for speaking her mind. It was more that she had spoken my mind.

"I'm just saying that –" She was cut off with her pager going off. "Shit. We've got to go back… it's Bella."

~ 0 ~

The MRI had finally been performed, showing a massive hemorrhage. Rosalie was in surgery with Bella, while Charlie, Emmett and I waited in her room. Charlie sat like a stone – a solid, unmovable mass. I paced frantically, tugging at my hair, drumming my fingers on my legs, rubbing my neck… I needed to keep moving. Emmett was his usual calm self.

"You know, this is a good thing… again." His voice broke into the dense silence of the room. Without the monitors bleeping, it was morbidly quiet. "They had to operate. No choice. They didn't have time to mess around with terminating the pregnancy beforehand. There's a strong probability the baby won't make it through another surgery anyway – then no one will have to decide. It's in God's hands."

Charlie stared blankly at the empty bed as he nodded. I swallowed deeply, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fill my eyes. How would Bella feel when she woke up and found out she was no longer pregnant? She had always said she didn't want children. Obviously, she had changed her mind. But was this baby an accepted accident, or something she desperately wanted? No one knew the answer to that except Bella. It broke my heart to think of her losing a baby she loved, no matter what the circumstances of its conception or demise.

"I'm just saying… it makes it easier all around. It's out of our hands."

"It's in Rosalie's hands," Charlie commented in monotone. "I may be a cold-hearted bastard in saying that I honestly don't care what happens to the fetus, but if God is in that OR right now with Rosalie and my baby girl, that's all I care about."

"Excuse me…" I muttered as I fled the room. The heavy weight of emotion left me feeling like I was drowning. I patted down my pockets, searching for the little tablets I always kept with me in case of a panic attack. I hadn't needed to use the little gems for some time, but I kept up with the prescription repeats of whatever the latest miracle drug for anxiety was. I popped one and swallowed. I needed to keep control, no matter what. If the surgery caused the termination of Bella's pregnancy, Rose would be beside herself. If the baby survived, Charlie would utilize his rights as next of kin and possibly destroy what was left of his relationship with his daughter – in order to save her life. Would Bella see it that way? Would she be thankful? Or would she reject him, as she had me and my family? Would she completely turn into herself, feeling she had no allies? No one to turn to?

_What would Bella want? God, please show us what Bella would want. Help her out. Speak for her while she's unable to._

I didn't even know how I'd gotten to the little chapel in the hospital. But there I was, praying for a voice for Bella. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I realized that He'd heard me. He was with me for sure. I had the ultimate sense of faith that He was doing what was right. Not once had I prayed for Bella to make it out of surgery – I had complete faith that she would.

I found Emmett roaming the halls when I returned.

"Dude, I've been looking for you everywhere!"

"I just needed a few minutes," I explained. "Thank you, for saying what you did in there. It makes a difference." I wanted him to know that I appreciated everything he was bringing into this ordeal. "It can't be easy for you to think of how easily Charlie's willing to let the baby go."

He smirked at me. "Ed, I want a baby with Rose more than anything else in this world, but if you think I'm gonna cry over it, you're mistaken. It is what it is. I'm not gonna get all bitter over what I can't have when I look around at all that I do have." He slung an arm around my shoulder. "You'll never see me cry over it. Anyway, Rose sent me looking for you. Bella's in recovery. And Rose wants to talk to us."

Emmett had to trot to keep up with me. We could hear Charlie's raised voice when we neared Bella's room.

"Charlie… Charlie, stop!" We walked in as Rose raised her voice to match. "I want you to hear me. Charlie? Are you really listening now?"

Emmett and I stepped forward to support her as Charlie collected himself. "I'm sorry. You know I'm not angry with you. I'm just…" He groaned in the frustration we all felt. "I'm listening."

"Bella was not stable enough to perform that procedure at the same time. We had to relieve the pressure on her brain and stop the bleeding. That took precedence. She's stable now. She's much better off than she was two hours ago, or two days ago – that's what's important."

"I know. I know that. Thank you." Charlie took up the pacing I'd been doing. "So now what?"

"Now we wait. With the hemorrhage under control, we should see a difference."

"And if we don't?" Charlie asked what I was wondering myself.

"Then, when her body is able to handle more blood loss – more trauma – we'll perform any authorized procedure that ensures her well-being."

I took note that Rosalie didn't call it an abortion, or even termination. It was a 'procedure'. "So the baby made it through this surgery."

Rosalie turned to look at me, hearing the soft concern in my voice. She gave me a sad smile. "Yes, the baby made it. She's got a little fighter in there."

It was Charlie's turn to bolt from the room. He grumbled an apology as he stormed out.

"I don't know how to deal with Charlie on this," Rose confessed. "I don't think I can be involved in what he wants. I'm really sorry."

"Don't be," I assured her. "That isn't your field, so don't concern yourself with it."

"I'm really struggling with this – professionally, I want to advise Charlie to go through with it. Bella would have much more strength to recover if her body was only tending to itself. Morally… God. When I think of what this little one has been through already… this baby is so strong."

Emmett wrapped his wife in his strong, loving arms as she began to weep. "Shhh, baby, it's not your decision. Let it go."

"I'll just give you two some privacy," I mumbled, making my own escape. I was thankful a co-worker had agreed to cover my shifts for the next couple of days. With Bella just getting out of surgery and the whole pregnancy debacle, there was no way I was in any condition to take emergency calls.

Somehow, I found myself wandering towards the neo-natal ward. Something was telling me to fight for this baby – that Bella would want me to fight for her. I needed some inspiration for that, because honestly, I still saw that Bella's health was more important.

"Charlie?" I stood, dumbfounded, as I spotted him looking through the glass of the nursery. "You're the last guy I expected to find here."

"Know what I see when I look at these little ones? Bella."

As I stepped closer, I saw the tears running unabashedly down his cheeks. He wasn't moving to hide them or clear them away. I swallowed hard and took a silent place beside him.

"She was the most beautiful thing in the world, my little Bella. She wasn't planned. Hell, she caused some dandy fights before she was born. I was so young. Her mother was young – too young. We weren't ready to be married, let alone have a kid. But then she was here. My baby girl. I never loved anything or anyone more from the moment I laid eyes on her. I know she was all red and wrinkly, just like these ones, but my god… to me, she was the prettiest little thing ever. My. Baby. Girl."

I wiped at my own eyes, even though Charlie still hadn't moved to do anything about his waterworks. I'd never heard a man speak about their baby this way. I knew that my father loved me, but I had always assumed it was entirely different from the gushing sort of love mothers felt. I supposed mothers just showed it more than fathers. My only experience was with Jasper. He was a basket case, but that was more out of concern – or so I'd thought.

"I've lost her so many times. It wasn't my choice when Renee took her away. I never felt like that was my fault. It was Bella's choice to leave me the second time, and that hurt. I'm not going to lie. It's no excuse for letting her drift so far out of my life that I didn't know what's been going on with her. I'm scared, Edward. I've stared into the eyes of a cold-blooded murderer, and I wasn't as scared as I am right now. I can't lose her for good."

"A very wise man once gave me some advice; he said, 'let things play out'. I respect that man enough to pass that same advice back. Give it some time, Charlie. See what happens before you do anything rash. Can you do that?"

He hesitated briefly. "If she's in any danger at all, I'll want it taken care of immediately. Otherwise…" He bowed his head, tears splashed on his shoes. "I'll take your advice, because I respect you, too."

~ 0 ~

I thought Charlie would go back on our agreement when he saw Bella being wheeled out of recovery. The bandage on her head was intimidating. It gave me the full impact of what my sister did for a living, and put me in awe of her once again. I also saw Bella as being that much more vulnerable. How much more could she endure?

Her status didn't change – she didn't immediately awaken as they'd hoped, but there was no further deterioration of her organs either. It was a stalemate. A waiting game. An immensely fucking frustrating waiting game.

I returned to work, staggering to and from my shifts around hospital visits. I rarely saw my apartment. I saw Lauren even less frequently. She remained generous and understanding during our phone calls and brief encounters. She promised she would see this through with me. She sent enough food to feed whoever was there to Bella's room daily. She also hired a maid service to clean my apartment, knowing I had very little time to take care of things myself. On her birthday, I sacrificed my time with Bella to take Lauren out, and even spent the night with her in her apartment. It was the very minimum I could do – I wasn't feeling smug about it. I truly felt like a walking turd for making it seem like I was gracing her with my presence for one night. I owed her so much more but had nothing to give.

I went to work from Lauren's the next morning and then straight to the hospital to relieve Charlie. Rosalie came and had dinner with me in the room on her break. Afterwards, alone with Bella, I decided to tell her about Lauren. It was only fair since Lauren knew all about Bella… well, not _all_ about her, but more than she knew of Lauren.

I was surprised when the night nurse came in to tend to Bella. I didn't realize I'd been talking so long. As was the routine, I chatted with the new nurse for a few minutes, then went for a walk to stretch my legs. I'd also gotten into the habit of making a 'good coffee' run for the staff, and I'd pick up a hot chocolate for myself. I was usually able to catch a few hours' sleep on the cot, but not if I had any more coffee. I kept myself running on coffee all day at work.

After making my deliveries, I settled back in with Bella. The lights were dimmed for the night, and the only sounds other than Bella's breathing and her machines bleeping were the soft padding of rushed nurses in the hallway. I stretched out my neck and then sipped on my foamy hot chocolate. I was all talked out. I found myself mesmerized by Bella's steady breaths. I was also very aware of the baby's heartbeat mixing with it. It was musical – the aquatic sounding thumps with each breath Bella took. I made a recording on my phone, thinking I'd send it to Rosalie. I then thought better and kept it to myself.

As I pocketed my phone, a change in the sounds drew my attention. Someone's heart was beating differently. Now completely familiar with the monitors, I saw it was Bella's. I watched it for a moment, debating whether to run for a nurse, or wait it out. Coma patients sometimes dreamt. It was possible she was simply dreaming.

"Sing to me."

Was it possible_ I_ was dreaming while fully awake? I was certain I heard a soft voice mixed into the beeping. I turned in my chair to face Bella again. She looked no different.

"Sing? Can you…"

There it was again. My own heart raced faster than the ones being monitored. Standing, I leaned over Bella, examining her face closely. I had to be dreaming.

And then I saw it – her lips parting ever so slightly. A very weak sounding plea escaping her full lips. "Please? Can you sing?"

I gasped, and laughed, and sobbed all at once. My hand went to her head automatically. I had spent hours stroking her hair around the bandage, thinking it would soothe her. But now, she was awake and she may not like that. I removed my hand and whispered to her. "Bella? Can you hear me?"

Her mouth twitched. "I hear."

I swallowed heavily, dreading the next part. "Do you know who's with you?"

"Yeah," she whispered breathlessly.

"It's Edward," I stated, in case she was confused.

"Yeah."

"Bella… you're awake! I can't believe you're actually awake! We've been waiting for this… Charlie should be here. He's gonna be so upset with himself for missing this. He's been here practically every hour of the day, waiting for you to come back to us. Oh my god, Bella…"

"Dad? Here?"

"Not right now. No. I'll call him. I'm gonna call him for you, okay? Right now. I'm just going to go get the nurse."

"Edward…"

My heart rose into my throat at the sound of her voice saying my name. I leaned back in so she wouldn't exert herself. "What is it, Bella? I'm here."

"Just… sing… so… tired…"

Selfishly, I sat back down. Bella knew I was here, and she was asking me to stay. She wanted _me_ here. And she wanted me to sing. "I can make you mine… taste your lips of wine… anytime, night or day. Only trouble is… gee whiz… I'm dreaming my life away…" It was the first thing that came to mind, and so I sang to her, softly lulling her into a normal sleep. Her heart returned to its regular pace, but her face had softened. There was the slightest smile on her lips, and she looked beautifully peaceful.

An hour later, she was awake once more. This time, she even opened her eyes. "You stopped singing."

"Sorry." I chuckled, amused that she was so demanding even in this state.

"But you're still here."

"Uh-huh. Does it hurt to talk?" Her voice was weak, and it sounded raspier than before.

"Dry. Water?"

"Let me see if that's okay. I'll go get the nurse."

"No!"

"Bella, I don't want to do the wrong thing for you. I have to get help."

"Don't leave," she pleaded.

"I won't. We're right across from the nurse's station. I'll just open the door and call over to them. I'm not going anywhere, Bella. I promise you."

Three nurses filed in after receiving my news. They were very excited to finally speak with their patient. I stood off to the side while they did their standard checks, Bella's eyes stayed fixated on me the entire time.

"I know I'll be kicked out when the doctor comes to see you," I warned her. "But otherwise, I won't leave until you tell me to."

Her face looked pained, like she was crying but there were no tears. "You'll stay with me?"

"Where else would I go?" I whispered, finally leaning in to give her forehead the kiss I'd been wanting to for weeks. "Where else would I go?" I repeated softly as she smiled.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ I'm not going to say anything aside from thank you for your thoughts on the last chapter. I appreciate your time._

_And I appreciate Shug's compulsion to beta-read for me. ;)_

_msj's pre-reading contributions are invaluable to me, as is her friendship. I heart you!_

_Until next week, thanks for reading! XX ~ SR_


	13. Chapter 12

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 12**

"If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill 'im!" Charlie grumbled outside Bella's room. She'd just been told the details of the crash and how she was the sole survivor. If Charlie was having a difficult time watching over his daughter in a coma, and knowing she was carrying a married man's child, seeing her cry over his death was killing him. I'd actually pulled him from the room when I saw his face redden and his fisted hands begin to shake.

"Charlie, I know this isn't easy, but you can't let your anger get the best of you. Bella needs you to focus on her. You can't change what's done."

"I just wish we'd been able to resolve the problem entirely while she was out of it. Then she'd only be dealing with the loss once."

He was still preoccupied with the baby. "She's stronger now. It may not be necessary –"

His hurt and angry eyes flicked towards me. As much as I wanted to cower, I stood tall and tried not to tremble while he said what he had to say. "You know as well as I do that she'll be better off all around without this… thing. It could still kill her! And even if it doesn't, what then? She's far from being able to give birth. And then she's facing raising a child on her own? I'm sure the bastard didn't take care of her financially in the event of his death – that would have gone to his _wife_! He took advantage of Bella in life and left her with a world of trouble in death. He's a fucking prize, this guy. It makes me sick just thinking of my baby girl with a man like that. I'm disgusted with myself for not knowing what was going on with her all this time. Bottom line – I know now. And I'm not going to let him take anything else from her. Especially her life!"

Of all the things he could say… I'd come so far with my anxiety issues and self-doubt. The one thing Aro had never been able to fully convince me of was that I wasn't responsible for my birth mother's death. Deep in my heart, I still carried the burden of that truth. She _did_ die because of me. The thought of Bella's child carrying that guilt was almost as horrific as the thought of her own life being in jeopardy because of the baby. Like Charlie, I did wish everything was different. I hated the idea that Bella was pregnant with a married man's child – if that was indeed the case. We still hadn't confirmed that with the only person who would know – Bella.

Charlie, on the other hand, was fully convinced. Either way, I hated that the baby could make her worse, or even slow down her recovery. I wished there was no baby involved – no affair ending only with the man's death. But it was what it was, and I didn't wish the baby unwell. He, or she, was innocent. He, or she, was part of Bella, and therefore worthy of consideration and love, not hatred.

"We need to be strong for Bella," I reminded him gently. "Just think about Bella."

"I am thinking of Bella! For Christ's sake! That's my baby g–" He cut himself off, overcome with emotion. "I need to get out of here for a while. Clear my head."

"Go," I encouraged. "I'll stay here with her." I could pull my shit together for Bella. I had done it many times in the years I'd adored her from afar. She never knew. Hell, it took my siblings long enough to figure it out. I was confident that I could hide my feelings about her pregnancy.

Rosalie was sitting with her head bowed when I went back in. She held Bella's hand. Bella's sobbing had ceased, but silent tears still streamed down her cheeks. Her free hand rested on her stomach. I don't know how we had missed the bump there when we first began our constant vigil. I know I had personally spent hours at a time just staring at her, oblivious to the protrusion. I wondered how many other blatantly obvious things I had missed in life with my head up my ass. I cleared my throat to announce myself, since I was at a loss for words.

My sister looked up immediately and issued a sad smile. She stood and leaned over Bella, whispering something soothing against her ear. She squeezed my arm as she passed by me. "Sorry, I have to get back to work. I'll drop by later. You'll be here?"

I nodded, returning the smirk she gave me. Of course, I'd be here.

"Do you need anything?" I asked softly when I took the seat Rose had vacated.

Bella snorted and then cringed as her hand moved to her bandaged head. "I need so much. So… so much. Mostly, a good cry without feeling guilty over it."

I wished I'd asked that while my sister was still here. Maybe she would know what that meant, or what I should say or do in response. I had no clue.

"Dad's pretty torn up, isn't he," she stated quietly when I didn't speak. "He's disappointed."

"He's scared, Bella. He's so worried about you." That was the truth. His disgust over the situation may have been what was surfacing, but I knew Charlie, and I knew that I'd never seen him frightened until the day Bella was brought here.

The tears flowed down her cheeks even faster, and I acted quickly to correct my mistake. "Bella, don't feel bad about that. It just comes with watching a loved one suffering. It's natural that he'd be worried about you. Maybe the world sees this cool, tough guy image he's got down, but inside he's a softy. Especially when it comes to you."

She smiled just a little bit before the weeping began anew.

I held my breath for several long moments and then released it. "I don't know what to do," I admitted. "Should I leave you alone? Do you need time to yourself? Should I distract you? Or do you need to talk? I'll listen. I'll leave. I'll do whatever you need me to do." I had been party to Bella's crying many times. I was used to the sounds she made – the choking sobs and sniffling, the cute little hiccups every now and then. All of it broke my heart and made me feel useless. It made me want to scoop her up, rock her, sing to her, and then whisk her off to a place where nothing could ever hurt her again.

"Rose told me you were there," she started out softly and whispered the next words, "at the crash site."

I moved my chair so that I was as physically close to her as I could get without getting in the bed with her. "I was. It was quite a shock."

"Did you work on me at the site? I know you're a paramedic."

"No. I only identified you. I'm licensed but not on a team. The crew had already done everything they could for you and were loading your stretcher on the ambulance when I saw you."

She hesitated. "Was it bad?"

"It was horrible," I confessed, whispering. "I sometimes think I could do the job. When I've been on rescue sites, I get this adrenaline rush… like nothing could stop me. That was the worst I've seen, even before I knew you were involved. I could never do that, day in and day out. Those guys are heroes. And they have balls of steel… well, not the female paramedics, but you know what I mean."

Bella snorted out a chuckle. "They could have ovaries of steel?"

"Of which I do not possess either," I retorted with a laugh.

"Thank you for alerting my dad."

"Uh-huh," I mumbled. "I didn't do it myself –"

"Did you work on… the other victims? From the plane?"

Shit. "No… I'm sorry. They had me doing the non-life-threatening things – bandaging boo-boos while they did the important stuff."

She rolled her eyes at me. "You never change." She looked away, pressing her eyes closed. "Did you see them at all?"

"Your… friends?" What should they be referred to as – friends? Or 'your lover and his wife'? I used my most calming dispatching voice. "No. I'm afraid there was nothing that could be done for them, Bella. No one could have saved them. You don't know how lucky you are to have survived."

Choking on a sob, she turned her head even further to the side. "Did they suffer? Do you think they were in pain?"

"I don't think so," I replied softly. "You were thrown from the plane when the wing ripped off in the trees. They… weren't. The body of the plane exploded on impact on the highway. They wouldn't have even known, I wouldn't think. It went down quickly."

Her head bobbed up and down, either with sobs, or acknowledgement of my words. "I… I've missed the funeral, right?"

"Would you have gone?" The question was out of my mouth before I thought it through. Fuck.

Her sobs were renewed, and she turned back to me with utter distress in her eyes. "They were like family. Of course I would have gone."

I nodded slightly. "I'll find out where they were laid to rest. When you get better, we can go pay our respects."

"You'll come with me?"

"If you want me to, yes."

"You didn't even know them."

"I know you," I stated firmly. "If they were good to you, then I know they were good people. I would go with you."

"Edward…" My name was whispered with exasperation.

"What, Bella?" I gripped her hand in mine and wiped the tears from her cheeks at the same time. "What is it? What do you need?"

"I… I need you… to tell me what to… do," she sputtered. "Rosalie said the baby… my kidneys… the hemorrhage and everything… the baby…"

"Shhhh." I pressed my lips to her temple. "Getting upset isn't good for either of you." I felt her hand trembling in mine, but she squeezed harder. "I can't tell you what to do, Bella. I can only listen, if you want to talk about it. I'm here for you." I would listen to all of the sordid details if it meant sparing my sister from having to talk to her about any of it. I knew how difficult this was for Rose.

Bella took a deep breath, clinging to my hand. "She said the hemorrhage put strain on my organs… my kidneys in particular. I can live with one… if I lose the other. But can the baby survive? Do you know? Can you find out for me?"

"I'll ask," I promised softly. Inside, pain coursed through me, knowing that she would have been devastated if they had performed the termination procedure before she woke up. Clearly, the baby was more important to her than her own well-being. "It's not Rose's field, but I do know there are other options. She mentioned –"

"Don't say it!"

"– dialysis." We spoke over each other, and I sat up straighter to look at her. "That's all, Bella. I wasn't going to say anything else. She said dialysis is an option if your kidneys get worse. It's safe for the baby, too."

Suddenly, her arms were around my neck. Tubes dangled from her wrist and others pulled taut. I loosened her grip hastily to reach across for the IV pole to give them some slack. Then I held her. It was torture and bliss all at once. Every hug we'd ever shared ran through my mind – the elated, excitable ones, and the heart-breaking pain ones. The ones that said 'I appreciate you' and the ones that said 'goodbye'. I was crazy for doing this – for putting myself in this situation at all – but it was unavoidable. I had no choice in the matter, and if I did, I would still want to be right here with Bella.

~ 0 ~

The next few days were more of the same. Charlie was hostile on the outside, completely shattered on the inside. Bella was too emotionally overwrought to even consider making any decisions. Luckily, she had stabilized, so it wasn't an urgent matter. It was just a waiting game.

"Distract me, Edward. Tell me all about your life." Bella was sitting up in the bed and looking much stronger, but very stressed. She had just spent a tense day with Charlie, who had little to say to his daughter while she was 'being so pig-headed'.

I pulled the chair up to her bed to settle in for my shift with her. "You want to go to sleep already? Talking about myself isn't my favourite thing, and it will bore you right back into a coma."

"Oh, shut up!" She laughed softly and shook her head at the irony of her words. "No, don't shut up. Dad barely said two sentences to me all day that wasn't related to my comfort. I need stimulation. Talk to me."

"Okaaaay." I settled in, stretching my legs out in front of me. "I got a call at work from a farmer today. This is stimulating, so listen up. I've had farm accident calls before, using involving lost digits in machines, but this one involved a bucket and a cow."

"Is this a joke?"

"No joke."

"Do I want to know what happened? Freak milking accident?"

"No, no. Apparently this cow got stuck… wedged in between the barn and a tractor that had broken down or something. Anyway, he couldn't move it – the cow, I mean. And he's worried about it starving, so naturally, he fills a bucket with some feed and drops it in front of her. Well, she can't reach it, so he starts out holding it for her. Cows chew incredibly slowly… he got impatient and strapped the bucket to her head so she could finish up while he tended to the other animals."

"And it got stuck?"

"Yep."

"And she's still wedged?"

"Yep."

"I shouldn't laugh… the poor cow! But how is that a 911 emergency?"

"Exactly my point! I spent almost half an hour on the call, getting all the info… I kept thinking at some point along the way, there's going to be human involvement requiring an ambulance. Maybe fire services. You'd never know how impatient this man is by his speech pattern. He's a slow talker. I wanted to reach over the phone line and strangle the story out of him. Finally, when it became clear he was calling for the _cow_, and it was no longer breathing, I told him I couldn't send an ambulance to resuscitate his cow. I'm not his favourite person."

"That's okay. He's not the cow's favourite person!"

"So, no steaks for me."

Bella chuckled. "You get stimulating calls like this often?"

"Sadly, no. They make for good small talk."

Her face fell. "You're making small talk now? That's what this is?"

I didn't know what 'this' was. I was simply talking. After weeks of reading to her motionless body, two-way conversation was foreign to me. "I could read to you."

She didn't respond, and the expression on her face told me nothing.

"Do you need anything? Another blanket? A drink?"

Her eyes pinched shut and she shook her head. "No, Charlie. Thank you. I'm fine."

"Charlie?"

"You're acting just like him. Clearly, you feel the same way he does. You just cover it a little better."

"If you mean that I worry about you, then yes – I am just like him."

"Why? We haven't seen each other – haven't spoken – in years. Why do you care?"

Her sudden confrontational tone got my back up. "It wasn't my choice not to speak for eight years."

She turned her head away, blinking back tears.

"It's not like I went out looking for you that night of the accident – if I hadn't been driving by with Emmett at just that time, I wouldn't even know you were here. But I _was_ there. And you _are _here. And I couldn't stay away." I did my best to eliminate the bitterness I could hear in my own voice. I hated to bring it up, but it had to be said. We couldn't just carry on as though nothing had happened. She had kicked me out of her life, and now I was forcing my way back in. "I haven't even asked you, so I guess I should… do you even want me here? Would you rather I just left you alone again?"

"Yes… no… I mean, yes! I want you here! No, I don't want to be alone." Her tiny voice with those last words made her sound incredibly vulnerable.

"I won't leave you alone," I vowed.

"Why are you here, Edward?" she asked more pleadingly. "You should hate me. I thought you did – you stopped sending me messages."

"You never replied," I countered. "I thought that's what you wanted."

"None of what happened was what I wanted. It's just how it had to be. I read every one of your messages. It hurt like hell seeing them every day, but I looked forward to them at the same time."

"Want me to send eight years' worth now?" I quipped. Bella snorted, shaking her head. "To be frank with you, it hurt like hell that you never sent one response all those months. But I understand."

Her head snapped up to look at me. "Do you?"

"I think so." I hesitated. "I… I don't really know. I figured you must have had a good reason. Truthfully, I thought I may be hurting you more by sending messages – reminding you of Jasper. I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to keep being selfish."

"How were _you_ selfish?" Bella whispered.

"I wasn't only keeping in touch with you for your own sake… part of me didn't want to let you go. A huge part. It didn't take me long to realize that last conversation we had was you saying goodbye, but I persisted anyway. When you didn't respond at all, even just to tell me to knock it off, I assumed you weren't even checking the messages. I was talking to blank air. But it still made me feel connected, if that makes any sense."

"I didn't want to hurt you. I had to let you go along with Jazz. I didn't ever want to be the cause of an issue between the two of you." Tears welled in her eyes, and her lip quivered. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

That was something I'd never expected to hear. She'd had a world of hurt thrown on her, and still, she realized that I'd been hurt too. "It's over," I said with a shaky voice. "We're two different people here today."

"Are we?"

Our gazes locked as though we were trying to see into each other's minds – into the other's soul. I wasn't seeing battered Bella with her head bandaged from surgery, carrying a child inside of her. She was the girl from a decade ago, who would come to me with her problems. She was the girl who just knew me, without me having to explain myself. She was the girl who'd given me hope for a decent life despite my shortcomings, and the girl who'd crushed my deepest dreams. In that moment, I forgave her. She couldn't have known just how much she meant to me – that it would devastate me to cut me out of her life completely. It was pure selfishness for me to want her to feel the same.

"Can we start this over?" I asked softly.

"Tonight? Or entirely?"

"Both." A grin spread on my face, growing wider with anticipation. "I want what we had, if that's what you want."

Two tears streamed down her cheeks despite the bright smile she wore. "I want. More than anything."

~ 0 ~

Charlie had to return to Forks for a couple of days. Luckily, it coincided with my days off, so I made Bella's hospital room my second home. I brought both of us better pillows, a blow-up mattress to lay on top of the cot so my back wouldn't seize up without a bed for a few days, and an endless supply of snacks.

Bella was fighting with twisted tubes leading into her wrist when I arrived.

"Easy, easy!" I dropped my bags and rushed to her bedside. "Let me do that." She had managed to completely twist them somehow, so I unhooked one from the shunt, untwisted it, and grabbed some tape from the cart in the corner to secure it once more. "There. Better?"

"It'll be better when I'm not attached to a stupid pole!" she grumbled.

"Are we cranky today?"

"My ass is sore. I've been in this position for too long! Even if I could go to the bathroom more often, at least I'd be more mobile!"

"I'll see if the catheter can come out. Would that make you happy?"

"Immensely!"

I arranged to store some ice cream in the staff's fridge while the nurse took care of Bella's request. She was sitting in my chair when I returned, smiling like an angel.

"You brought cookies!" she mumbled around a mouthful. "I snooped."

"You stole! Little bandit!" I laughed as I chastised her and went to work on my mattress.

"Peanut butter… mmmm. My favourite, thank you. Oh! I hope you planned to share!"

I grinned over at her. "Too late now!"

"So tell me again, why are you a dispatcher and not out in the field? You were great with the IV. Better than some of the nurses here."

I put a finger to my mouth, alerting her of the nurses right outside the door. "Long story. Basically, I got pneumonia again just before finals. I managed to get certified, and over the illness, but when I went to do the physical for a job, I didn't pass. My lungs are shit. I've been doing more cardio since then – it was a wake-up call for more than just the job."

"You look really healthy," she stated, plucking another Nutter Butter from the box. "You look great! Did you go for that laser eye surgery, too?"

"Nope. Contacts. You'll see my glasses again, I'm sure. I usually give my eyes a rest from the lenses when I'm not working. I'm still the same as before – just less flabby." I noticed her eyes scanning me up and down, and I turned away nervously. "Anyway, even if I hadn't gotten pneumonia, I wouldn't have been cleared for the field. I may have the skills required, but my history of anxiety isn't compatible with those situations. I couldn't rely on adrenaline to get me through everything. It's easier over the phone. I'm not face-to-face with the people, so it's easier to handle. I can separate myself from it that way. Dispatching is a good position for me."

"Plus, it gives you stuff to talk about in difficult situations."

I stuck my tongue out at her for teasing me. She grinned coyly before gripping her stomach.

"Oh! I have to pee again!"

I helped her stand and pushed her pole along as she waddled over to the washroom. I waited by the door. "Still happy to have the catheter out?" I teased her.

"Shut up. I don't know what you're so smug about anyway… you were insane enough to volunteer all-day and night to watch over me. You'll be along for every trip, my friend."

"Touché." We washed together, and I got her settled in the chair again.

"They're talking about releasing me."

I froze in front of Bella's chair as she made her random announcement. "Really? Well… that's good news, right?" She'd be gone. Again. My days with her were nearing an end, just when we'd started back up. I'd lose her. Again.

She shrugged. "I can't go back to Phoenix. Dad wants me to go home with him."

"What do you want?"

"I… I can't live with him right now. Not with the way things are between us. Plus, I need to be close to a hospital. A good one."

I nodded my understanding. "Bella, I haven't said anything because I don't want you to take it the wrong way, but now that you mentioned it… why can't you go back to Phoenix? Is there something you don't want to return to? Someone…?"

"It's the travel. They won't let me travel."

"Ah. Right. So you'd go back, if you were able to?" I tried to sound casual. I hoped I sounded casual. I needed to know if her baby's father was killed in the accident, or if there was someone else – not out of judgement – but curiosity. Was there another guy no one knew about?

She paused, hugging one of the pillows I'd brought tightly against her chest. "I honestly don't know. There's not much there for me. I've kind of drifted away from family. And it would be too painful to be around NAU."

So it was true – she was carrying her mentor's baby. Part of me was relieved to know there wasn't another guy still lurking about who could come in at any moment and steal what time I had with Bella. "Is it just the proximity to the hospital keeping you from Forks, or Charlie?"

Another pause, longer than the first. "This is more Charlie, I think. He doesn't agree with what I'm doing. I can feel it every time he's in the room. Rosalie said stress is the worst thing for me and the baby right now."

"Sure," I said in agreement.

"I don't know. Maybe I'll bleed out again and it won't be a problem."

"Don't say that!" I knew she was kidding around, but just thinking of it was painful.

She stared at me – the way she used to when she had something she was keeping deep inside. There was something she wanted to get out. Did she trust me enough to be that person whom she could share anything with again?

"I didn't mean to snap at you," I said softly. "You don't know what it was like for us watching you in a coma all that time."

"Do you feel the same way Charlie does?"

I gave up trying to inflate my air mattress and shoved it aside to sit on the edge of the cot. "How do you mean?"

"Dad feels he failed to 'take care of my problem' while I was incapacitated. He wished the accident had 'taken care of it' even before that."

I blew out a heavy breath. I couldn't believe Charlie would have said that to her. It's no wonder she was feeling tense around him. "He's under a lot of stress, Bella. I'm sure he didn't mean it that way."

"That's what I heard, straight from his mouth. He was talking to one of the doctor's in the hall yesterday about my condition."

Even though Bella had been hurt by his words, I felt relieved that he hadn't actually said that to her. "Charlie's not looking at the whole picture," I reminded her quietly. "He's only thinking about you. The fact is, you would heal much easier if you only had yourself to work on."

"You think I should—" she squeezed her eyes closed "—terminate?"

"I didn't say that."

Deep brown eyes bored into my soul once more. "What _would_ you say?"

I had to word this carefully. I had a feeling my next words would make or break us. "I would say you need to do what's right for you. You've had some tough times, Bella. But you've always considered all of the pros and cons and made insightful decisions for yourself. I know it's tough to do that right now, but it is your choice."

"Would you help me with that? Please? I can't think straight. What would you do? If this was your baby, what would you choose?"

"I'd choose you," I replied without hesitation. It sounded desperate. Colour flooded her cheeks, and I'm sure mine showed my awkwardness as well. "That didn't sound right. That's not what I meant." My hands began shaking a little, so I clasped them together and wedged them between my legs. "Bella, I'm the wrong person to ask for many reasons. The most important one is you – I don't want you to have complications. It's a miracle that you survived the crash in the first place."

"I know," she whispered. "What else?"

"Huh?"

"You said there were many reasons – so what else?"

"You're really putting me on the spot here," I chided with a smirk to hide my nervousness.

"I know that. I'm sorry. I just really need to talk this out. Is it too much to ask? Seriously. Be honest with me."

"Honestly… it's difficult to answer, but I will. Um… I don't know how to put this…"

"Just spew it," she suggested. "I swear I won't react. I'll just listen. I need to hear it."

"I don't want kids." I looked her in the eye for a reaction despite her profession that she wouldn't. There wasn't anything detectable. "I can't say that I'd want to put the baby ahead of you, because I've never wanted a kid. I can't get my head around the fact that someone I don't even know would be worth all of this. That's horrible, right?"

She shook her head. "No. It's how you feel."

"I can see how other people get attached… I suppose when you really want a child, it's different. I'm sorry, I just don't see how this baby's life is worth more than yours."

Bella was listening intently. Her bottom lip was sucked in as she thought about my statement. "You seem to think it's an either/or thing. Do you know something I don't? I know my kidneys could fail, but is there something else they haven't told me?"

"God, Bella… I don't want to cause you more stress. This is just how _I_ feel. It's not important."

A smirk curled up one corner of her mouth. "You haven't been attending your therapy sessions. Let me remind you – you _are_ important."

I snickered, quite amazed that she wasn't upset with me. "Okay, despite the fact that I don't want kids myself… God, how do I put this?" I twisted my fingers together, making them move in unnatural ways. "I feel for the baby, too."

"You care about the baby?" she asked with a smug grin.

"No. I feel sorry for him."

She dropped her grin. "That was blunt, even for you."

"Jesus! I'm sorry!" I flew to my feet and began pacing. Over the years, I'd learned to control my habit of inappropriate blurting. Why was it back? Why now? "That didn't come out right. Let me explain…" I rushed towards her, my eyes pleading with her not to be upset with me.

"Take your time," she advised me in a gentle tone. "Or blurt it out. I don't care which way I get it; I just want to know what's in your thoughts."

"I don't want your baby – or any baby – to grow up feeling like I did. That's it. I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

She reached for my hands, tugging on them until I knelt in front of her. "Edward… what is that?" Her voice was undemanding, but her eyes continued to beg with me to let it out. "Is that why you don't want children of your own? Because you think they'll have anxiety, or lung problems?"

I shook my head. "I'm sure my lung problems are from my frequent bouts of various illnesses. They're just weak. Anxiety… well, that's another issue. I don't know if my birth mother passed that on, or if I own it entirely. That's my point. I don't _have_ my mother around to find out. She was young, Bella. I'm sure she had options posed to her… if she'd taken another option, she'd still be alive. She _died_ because she chose to give me life. She put my life ahead of her own… and I'm not worth that. I don't know that any baby is. That's just my feelings, and I don't want your baby to ever know how that feels."

I'd never seen tears fall from someone's eyes faster than they flowed from Bella's. Her chest was heaving with deep, rapid breaths as she gripped my hands.

"I had no idea." Her lips didn't move, and the words were barely audible. "My god… I had no idea."

"That was too much." I pulled out of her grasp and stood. "I'm sorry. I said too much."

"No!" She braced herself with the arms of the chair and stood more quickly than she should have. She wobbled on her feet and I raced forward to steady her. Her arms wrapped around my waist, tubes dangling from her wrist. "All this time… Edward… you've been carrying that around all this time? It wasn't your fault!"

I chuckled softly against her hair. "Bella, don't stress yourself about it. Certified professionals have been unable to convince me of that. I've accepted it. It's fine. It doesn't mean that I don't think anyone should ever have babies, I just know that I wouldn't be able to put someone's life at risk for it. I'm not saying that you should feel the same. This is why I said I'm the wrong person to ask. I can't make this decision for you. He's not my baby. Only you can decide."

"It's not my decision to make," she whispered. "He's not mine either."

I eased back slightly, certain I'd heard her wrong. "Excuse me?"

"He's not my baby," she repeated, breathing heavily. "I made a promise to carry this baby… to give him life. It was more than a legal agreement, it was a vow. I can't just give up on that. Do you understand?"

"No." I shook my head rapidly. "I don't understand. I'm sorry. I'm completely fucking lost here. Can you explain?"

"I'm a surrogate, Edward – a mere vessel for this baby to grow in. He's not mine."

My lungs felt like they were filled with bricks, and my legs were made of rubber. I leaned against the bed to steady myself, drawing Bella to stand between my legs. "What? Who's…? When…? How did this…? I don't understand. You're having a baby… you're putting your own life at risk for someone else?" This news was the last thing I expected.

"I made a promise, Edward. How do I go back on that? Marcus and Gianna were very good to me. They treated me like their very own daughter. She had several miscarriages… the last one left her unable to ever conceive another. They were heartbroken. Gianna came to me and begged me to carry their baby for them. She'd been through in vitro – she had eggs stored. I saw her desperation, and after everything they'd given me, how could I refuse to even try? I went through all the tests necessary, and they fertilized her eggs. They were implanted in me –"

"You conceived medically?" I blurted. "Not… traditionally…?"

She snickered, as she grasped two handfuls of my shirt. "No, not traditionally! I didn't sleep with Marcus! Ew!"

The bricks were suddenly gone from my chest, and I was laughing hysterically. Bella soon joined me.

"You thought I'd sleep with a married man? An _old_ married man?" She continued laughing, thankfully. I'd never felt more stupid. "Jesus! Is that what my dad thinks, too?"

I nodded, no longer laughing.

Her head dropped to my chest as she fell silent. "No wonder he's so… He thought I was involved with Marcus. That's so off the mark. Honestly. I'd never… Marcus was my Sociology professor. He spent a lot of time with me, working on my thesis. Encouraging me to write beyond that – to turn my paper into a book that could help others. There was nothing sordid about it. He took several of his top students under his wing. I just so happened to befriend his wife, also.

"Gianna is… was… an artist. Some of her work was being featured at a gallery here. That's why we were coming to Port Angeles. She insisted that I go with them. She wanted me and the baby there at her side." She stopped talking abruptly with a tiny sob. "She painted the baby's room herself. It's beautiful. He'll never see it."

"Shhhh, don't upset yourself with that now," I said soothingly. "Bella… there's something I have to ask. You said they implanted several eggs –"

"I'm not having multiples," she responded quickly. "It's only one. Three failed, but this little guy was determined." One hand released my shirt and fell to her rounded belly. "He's a fighter."

When she put it that way, even I couldn't deny it. The little guy had already been through so much, but he was still hanging on. "Sure seems that way," I admitted softly.

"Edward, please don't be upset with what I have to say."

I tilted her chin up to look at me. "I'm listening."

"I feel like this baby is hanging on for a reason. He made it through the in vitro… he survived the crash and my surgeries. I can't help but feel like he's still with me for a reason – like Gianna and Marcus created this beautiful life that was meant to be."

"Even without them?" I had to ask.

She nodded with tear-filled eyes. "It's their decision to make, not mine."

I wrapped her in a tight hug, exhaling heavily. "It's out of your hands then. We'll just let it play out." I began a series of silent prayers to see her through this. She had done something so unselfish, it wouldn't be fair to not let her see it through.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ So you know, you made me smile all week with your responses last week. It brought out more feedback than any other chapter and you're all getting where this is going. So pleased! I thank everyone who took the time to post a comment. :) _

_Huge thanks to msj for making me smile constantly with her pre-reading bubbles and encouragement and more importantly, her friendship. Thanks for the rec, BB - it's such an honour to share readers with you!_

_And of course, my beta-reader Shug for always accepting my chapters with excitement and a keen eye for my boo-boos. _

_Until next Monday... thanks for reading. XX ~ SR_


	14. Chapter 13

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 13**

"Are you sure about this?"

A week later, Bella and I were standing in the courtyard of the hospital. She no longer had a need for the IV – both she and the baby were growing stronger by the day. She still needed close monitoring in the event that she required dialysis, but she was set to be released the following day. Fresh air seemed to perk her up even more, so we'd been talking daily strolls around the perimeter of the grounds for the past several days.

"Well, I survived my previous roommate, and he snored obnoxiously. Of course, I wasn't trying to sleep when he was, so it wasn't a big concern. Did you inherit Charlie's nasal issues?"

Bella laughed and swatted me. "I hope not! I've never had a roommate, so you'll have to tell me if I do."

"Oh, I will. Don't worry."

"I promise to give you your space. And if you snore, so be it." She teased.

"I don't!" I feigned disgust. "I'm a perfect roommate. So that's your new home away from home right over there." I turned her to face the street corner. "That white building."

"That's your place? I knew you were close by, but that's literally across the street!"

"Uh-huh. Perfect solution to your problem, like I said. I have a spare room. You're near the hospital…"

"And I won't be alone," she added softly. "Thank you, Edward. Somehow, you're always coming to my rescue."

I felt my cheeks heating up. I didn't want her feeling any obligation to me in any way. Offering her my spare room seemed like the logical solution. It certainly wasn't causing me any hardship to have her near me for a longer period of time. This also felt like the right time to broach a questionable subject that I'd been putting off.

"Did Rose talk to you this morning?"

"This morning? We had breakfast together, but then she got paged. Why? What was she supposed to talk to me about? Is there a problem? Is she going to tell me I can't leave now?"

"No, no. Nothing like that. We were just wondering how you feel about something." I urged her to sit down. I had no idea how she would react. "We haven't said anything to Jasper about the accident. Now that you're going to be staying at my place, I think we have to let him know. Are you okay with that?"

She quirked an eyebrow at me. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Ummm…" I tittered like a schoolboy. "I don't know… I guess we just assumed you'd have residual feelings."

"None. Whatsoever."

I lifted an eyebrow at her. "None?"

"Did you think I've been pining away for him all these years?"

"Ummm…"

"I haven't been," she stated flatly. "I haven't gotten into another relationship like that, but Jasper isn't the reason."

"Oh."

"He's your brother. You can tell him whatever you want."

"Okay."

"Will it be awkward for you? If it is, I can leave when he visits or whatever."

"He doesn't visit. He lives in Seattle."

"Oh."

"They have a daughter… Emily. She's about five or six months old now." I just came out with it. "I thought you should know."

She nodded. "He's still with Alice?"

"Yeah."

"Edward? Seriously… I'm fine with it." She nudged me with her shoulder. "I just don't want you feeling weird about it. It's history. I'm happy for them."

"Yeah? Okay." I let out a breath. "Whew! I was nervous about this whole thing. I guess I didn't have to be."

"Nope. So, are you gonna tell him?"

I shook my head. It was not a conversation I wanted to have with him. We had never discussed Bella again after that day in my room. "I'll leave that to Rose. She has better delivery."

"So which apartment is ours?" She leaned against me, twisting around to look at my building.

"Second floor… see the balcony with the blue towel on the edge? Home sweet home."

"Sweet!"

What was sweet was her referring to my apartment as 'ours'. I liked the sound of that a little too much, if I were completely honest about it.

~ 0 ~

Rosalie had gone shopping for Bella, purchasing some maternity clothes and 'girl stuff'. She brought it to my place after she washed it all. I directed her to put her things in my room. It was closer to the bathroom. I'd moved most of my things into the spare room. I was glad that Rosalie was around to help out, because I didn't have a clue what she would need. Lauren had also picked up a few things for her and brought them over the night after I told her about the living situation. She was still being utterly supportive and still questioning me as to when she could meet Bella. I continued to put it off. Mistake number one.

"Hold on… Give me a sec…" Bella stopped midway up the stairs to my apartment, gripping the handrail. A light sweat glistened on her brow. "Man, am I out of shape!"

"It'll take some time. You've been inactive for a long while." I leaned against the opposite rail, just behind her. I was ready to grab her in case she wobbled. "Want me to carry you the rest of the way?"

She snickered, taking some deep breaths. "Like you could."

"You doubt me?"

"I do."

"That's a challenge." I smirked at her, inching over to her side. "Brace yourself." I wrapped her arm over my shoulder as I stooped. "Ready?"

"You're insane!" She laughed and then squealed when I did in fact, pick her up. "Oh my god! We're on the stairs! Don't drop me!"

"I won't drop you! Pfft!" I took each step extra carefully, just in case. Truth was, I wasn't so sure of myself, but she felt good in my arms. She had a good grip around my neck, and she smelled really good. "Okay… this is us." I braced my foot against the wall, supporting her with my leg as I unlocked the door. "Here we go!" I kicked the door wide open and carried her through.

"Ohhh, Primal Edward!" Bella giggled uncontrollably, just like the old days.

"Hello!"

I halted just inside the door. I was completely aware of how this must look to Lauren, but still, I didn't put Bella down.

"You must be Bella!" Lauren didn't seem fazed by our grand entry. "I'm Lauren."

"Oh… hello." Bella swung her feet as they hung over my arm. I still didn't have the sense to correct this.

"Bella got winded…" I explained abruptly as my legs kicked into gear. I rushed towards the couch and sort of tossed her down. "On the stairs. It was too much for her. I didn't want her to fall."

Lauren smiled graciously and slid an arm around my waist. She kissed my cheek since I was staring dumbly at the floor, afraid to look at either woman in my apartment. "I thought you'd appreciate a home-cooked meal, Bella. I hope you like veal scaloppini. It's one of Edward's favourites."

I shrugged off my jacket for something to do. "Smells delicious."

"And you have perfect timing, as always. It'll be ready in about fifteen minutes. Wine? Bella, I'll bet you're dying for a drink after all that time in the hospital. You have to try this wine! It's from my private cellar."

"Bella can't drink," I blurted.

"Oh." Lauren's eyes flashed from Bella to me.

"She's pregnant."

Her eyes moved back to Bella. "Oh. You never mentioned that. Bella, would you like a glass of milk? I think Edward has some apple juice in the fridge, if you'd prefer."

"I'm fine. Nothing for me, thank you."

I accepted the wine glass from Lauren, sneaking a peek over at Bella. If she was uncomfortable, she didn't show it. Neither did Lauren. The two struck up a conversation about various dishes. Apparently, Bella enjoyed cooking as well. It carried on throughout dinner. I had nothing to add, thankfully. If I'd attempted to speak, it would have been gibberish at best. Something completely random and stupid at worst.

"I brought over a little care package for you the other day, when Edward told me you were coming home with him. If I'd known you were interested in cooking, I would have set you up in the kitchen, too. Well, there's lots of time for that. I'm sure you won't be up to it for a little while yet… just let me know what you need, or send Edward out. He's a good errand-runner even if he's useless in the kitchen." Lauren smiled at me affectionately.

"Oh, I won't be a nuisance. I'm just really thankful that Edward's letting me use his place as a landing pad."

"Bella needs to be close to the hospital," I stated.

"Of course she does!" Lauren gave me a kiss on the forehead as she bent over me to clear my plate. "He told me that part. He's a little forgetful these days."

Bella smiled at her, while staring at me.

"What?" I whispered in a hiss when Lauren busied herself in the kitchen.

"You're the least forgetful person I know. Yet, you forgot to tell me about your girlfriend."

"I told you," I insisted in a whisper before clarifying. "You were just unconscious at the time."

Bella snickered, shaking her head at me. Lauren knew nothing of our after-dinner exchange. The matter of my memory, and any other details I may have omitted, were not brought up again over the course of the evening. Bella appeared to be wishing herself invisible as Lauren and I said goodnight at the door.

"I know better than to even ask if I can stay tonight," Lauren murmured against my ear.

I smiled at her appreciatively. "I'd like to get Bella settled – make her feel at home."

She returned to my earlobe for a nibble. "I can be patient, my love. But I do miss you. And this is what you've been missing." Her lips moved to my neck in precisely the spot she knew drove me over the edge.

I chortled, gripping her waist. "I'm aware of what I've been missing. Thanks for the dinner, Lauren. You know how much I appreciate you, right?"

With a smile and a gentle stroke along my jaw, she nodded. "I do. We'll get together soon." She tilted her head up in anticipation of our usual parting kiss. What she got instead was my I-hate-audiences chaste kiss. I then patted her on the head for some unknown reason.

After closing the door, I turned around to find Bella in a highly amused state. I knew to expect some teasing from her. It was her way.

"Your girlfriend is lovely, Edward."

I waited. That had to be the bait.

"She is! I'm being serious." Despite her profession, amusement still twinkled in her eyes. "Aside from the fact that she's so utterly gorgeous I feel like a troll next to her, she's so nice that I can't even dislike her for being perfect."

"You're far from troll territory," I stated.

Bella snorted _and_ rolled her eyes. It was just like our teen years. "Whatever, dude. Last time I checked, a half-shaved head with Frankenstein stitches was not a mark of beauty. She didn't even remark on it… see? Nice. She totally could have flaunted her perfection."

"My sister does not do 'Frankenstein stitches'." I quirked an eyebrow at her. I could tease if she was going to. "I take offense to that comment."

Colour flooded into her cheeks as she smiled at me timidly. "Of course she doesn't. I've just had better days in front of the mirror than these past weeks."

Instantly, I felt like a shit for teasing her. I recalled Alice being super-sensitive about things when she was pregnant – things we'd joked about with her for years suddenly drew tears. I'd barely thought of anything but Bella being pregnant since we found out. The 'pregnancy shit' Jasper had spoken of seemed relative only to Alice. It was difficult to associate any of the moodiness with Bella. The last thing I wanted to do was upset her in any way, so I dropped the teasing.

"You've endured a lot, Bella. A month ago, I didn't even know if you'd regain consciousness, and now look at you! If your hair never grows back, you'll still be the most amazing woman I know. It's who you are that makes you beautiful."

Tears shimmered in her eyes as she gazed up at me. "My hair's not going to grow back?"

"Shit! I didn't mean it like that!" I was flying towards her, preparing to offer comfort and make up for my stupidity, but then she cracked a smile.

"I'm teasing," she said softly. "Otherwise, I'll be crying for hours. You still know exactly what to say to me."

"Seriously?" I chuckled. "Most of the time I just spew what's on my mind and then regret it. I thought I was over that, but apparently not with you."

"I love that about you," she whispered, staring intently into my eyes. A few breathtaking seconds later, she dropped her eyes and waved her hands around. "Okay. I need to stop making myself all emotional. Quick, change the subject. Talk to me."

"About…?"

"Anything – work, hobbies, how you met Lauren… whatever. Stimulate me!"

That was the second time she'd asked to be stimulated. Feeling my cheeks heat up at the thought of stimulating her in a very specific way, I busied myself clearing away the empty glasses from the coffee table. "I haven't even given you a tour of the apartment. Don't you want to see where you'll be living?"

"I've managed to find the most important features – kitchen and bathroom." Her voice came from directly behind me as I loaded the dishwasher. "Sorry, I startled you."

"You're quite stealthy for an invalid," I quipped.

"A pregnant invalid."

"Indeed." Closing the door on the dishwasher, I turned to smile at her. "Well, come on and I'll show you the rest. We have a balcony, of course."

"Where you dry your towels." She nodded, remembering when I pointed out the balcony from the hospital grounds.

"Right. We get morning sun, when there is any." I opened the door to the bedroom nearest the balcony – what used to be the spare room. "My room."

"You have a treadmill in your bedroom? That's different from the guy I used to know."

I smirked at her. "Mouth is the same. Body conditioning is better. You're welcome to use it whenever you'd like."

"Perfect. I'll run and watch you sleep at the same time."

"If I'd moved it into your hospital room, I'd be ready to run a marathon by now. You'll never catch up to me with the sleep-watching thing." Noticing her cheeks flush, I figured she was self-conscious about that so I changed the subject. "Let's go see your room now. It's next to the bathroom."

"Good! I hate having to go so often."

I opened the door and clicked on the overhead light. "There's a smaller lamp at the bedside, too." I pointed out. "Some closet space… and the top three drawers of the dresser are empty, so you can use them. There's towels and stuff in the cupboard in the bathroom. Rosalie took all the clothes she picked up for you home to wash, so they're all there for you. I didn't go through the bathroom stuff she bought you… I wouldn't know where you'd want to keep anything. I don't have much in the bathroom, myself, so there's lots of space in there. You probably noticed that already." I was rambling, but she was allowing me to. She hadn't issued a peep since we'd walked in. Finally, I looked over at her. She was staring at the corner of my room, between my bed and the window.

"Is that…?"

"The White Ghost?" That had to be what had caught her attention. "It is."

Her hands covered her mouth, and she stumbled over a few words before anything made sense. "You kept it all this time?"

"Was I not supposed to?" I asked seriously. "It was Gran's… I had to take care of it."

"You really did. It's huge!" She went over to examine it closely. It was potted on the floor and stood almost to her shoulders. "They don't normally grow this fast!"

"It's been almost a decade," I reminded her.

She shook her head. "Still… you have a way with cacti." She turned her smile on me, and I felt like melting on the spot. "Or Gran's White Ghost really likes you. This is perfect. I'll feel like she's with me when I sleep."

"That's why it's here," I muttered to myself. It was a steady reminder of Bella's heart for me. I had always found it so endearing that she loved her gran so deeply. It also reminded me of the two nights we spent together in Phoenix. Looking at it nightly, I often wondered if I would have done anything differently in those days if I'd known what the future held. It struck me then that even months ago I had no idea I would ever even see Bella again, let alone have her right here with me. The future is completely unpredictable.

Realizing Bella had moved to sit on my bed, and I was still dumbly staring at the cactus, lost in my thoughts, I quickly snapped out of it. "You still want stimulation?" I grinned wickedly at her.

"Ummm…" She tittered as she eyed me suspiciously.

"Don't move," I ordered, dashing to the closet. I retrieved the small bag I'd stashed there earlier in the day. "I forgot I had this – a homecoming gift, of sorts. If this doesn't stimulate you, I don't know what will."

I reached into the bag and pulled out a fluffy pair of socks. They were orange and bright pink – striped, of course. They'd caught my eye in the window of a yarn shop between Lauren's restaurant and the hospital. I'd gone in and begged the owner of the shop to sell them to me. They were meant for display only, but they screamed to be on Bella's feet.

"Oh my god!" She broke out in laughter as she hugged them against her chest. "They're so soft! Help me put them on?"

She was still having issues bending, even after her abdominal incision from the first surgery had closed up. I carefully lifted one foot, then the other, pulling on her new socks.

"Funky!" She wiggled her feet, admiring them. "I love them. Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome," I replied with a shy grin. I felt self-conscious about it now that I'd given her the gift. It seemed really personal, even though they were just socks. "They didn't have underwear to match, so it's just the socks."

She burst out laughing, clutching onto her stomach. "What?"

"Oh my god." I buried my face, groaning. Surely, I wasn't reverting to my teenage ways of always blurting out random stupidity continuously. Where the hell had that come from? "Why did I say that?"

"I don't know! It was completely random!"

"I'm sorry –"

"Don't be! I haven't laughed like this in… I don't know how long. Edward?" She pried my fingers off my face. She was still smiling, and her cheeks had a healthy glow to them. She looked amazingly beautiful. "I did something really stupid. I have to tell you about it because you'll understand. I work at ASU – classroom assistant, sort of. I don't technically work there – I write. But I just like being there when I'm not working on something. Anyway, I was there with a small group of students and a TA after class one day, and I don't know what brought it on, but the TA really pissed me off. So I pinched her."

I quirked an eyebrow at her, amused. "You pinched her? How did the students react to that?"

Colour flooded her cheeks. "Well, it's not every day you see your TA get toe-pinched."

"You didn't!"

"Honestly, I have no idea what came over me. I guess I was so comfortable in our little lounge area, discussing books… I don't know. I was mortified! It was all I could think about for days. I haven't worn sandals on the campus ever since. Just in case."

"Probably wise. Should I wear body armour in case you decide to go after me?"

"I'll keep them sheathed around you." She grinned, admiring her socks.

While it pleased me that she liked my gift, I was also sad that she didn't plan to walk around barefoot. I rather enjoyed her feet as well.

"Did you pick some out for Lauren, as well?"

"Huh?" Damn. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind. Even if these weren't one-of-a-kind, I wouldn't have purchased Lauren a pair. In fact, I had been on my way to see her when I'd spotted them in the storefront, and didn't even continue on to her restaurant afterwards. "No. They're not really her style."

"Well I love them! Thank you. You've both made me feel so at home here." To prove her point, she curled up in the middle of my bed. She looked so tiny there. So vulnerable.

"I hope you weren't too uncomfortable with her being here when we got home. I honestly had no idea she'd planned to do that." If I'd actually made my way to see her when I'd set out to, I would have known. My own fault.

Bella looked thoughtful before she responded. "I was surprised – I'm not going to lie."

"Sorry."

She nibbled on her lip the way she always used to when there was something on her mind. "I don't know why I thought you'd be alone… I mean, you shouldn't be. I'm glad you're with someone really great. It was just… a bit of a shock. I'll get used to it. Don't let me get in the way."

"You're not in the way," I assured her.

"Well, don't feel like you have to sit in and babysit me. You can go out and do whatever it is you do together – not that you have to go out. It is your place, after all. I mean… I'm just saying that if you want some privacy or whatever, I'll just stay in here."

Judging by her awkwardness, I deduced that 'privacy or whatever' meant intimate time. Having been party to locking myself in my room while my brother had sex across the hall in our house growing up, I knew that wasn't something I'd be putting Bella, or any roommate, through. "You don't have to worry about that. Contrary to what you saw today, Lauren isn't here all that much." With our busy schedules coupled with the fact that I was being a piss-poor boyfriend, I imagined she'd be here even less.

~ 0 ~

It turned out I was wrong about Lauren staying away. In fact, she was at my apartment more often over the next couple of weeks than she'd ever been. The one night she convinced me to allow her to sleep over put an end to her asking. There was no chance in hell that I could have sex with Bella in the same apartment, regardless of Lauren's efforts. It was humiliating and awkward to the extreme. Lauren left without even having breakfast with us.

She was back on the weekend, however, when Charlie and my parents came for a visit. She suggested I go to her place for the night while so many people were here to see Bella. A normal guy would have been going nuts having gone this long without sex with his girlfriend, but I've never been normal. A huge part of me was relieved when Charlie got called back to the station early, leaving me off the hook for a sleep-over and all it entailed. My parents took the spare room; I got the couch.

My ever-patient girlfriend was beginning to lose patience with me. I was aware of it, and did what I'd always done best – ignored it.

One day, I dropped by the hospital on my lunch to see Rose. In months prior, I would visit Lauren, but deep down I knew it was a losing battle, so I opted to not alienate my sister as well as my girlfriend.

"I was talking to Lauren last night," Rosalie began as we sat at our corner table in the cafeteria.

I raised my eyebrows in interest. "Oh?"

"She was checking our schedule for the weekend. She wants us to get together for a dinner date."

"Okay…" I vaguely recalled her mentioning something about that to me, but I couldn't remember the details.

"Bella will have to stay overnight when she comes in for her tests. I'm fairly certain we'll do her first dialysis."

I frowned, poking my fork through my salad. "She seems to be so tired lately. That will help her?"

Rose nodded. "Absolutely. So, we were thinking of a quiet night in when Bella gets out. Lauren said she'll cook for us all. Emmett and I can bring over some movies. What do you think?"

"Cool. Sounds good." I wasn't thinking about dinner and movies. I was more preoccupied with how Bella would be feeling. She often perked up when people were over, but when we were alone, I saw how truly worn out she was. Many times I'd carried her into bed after having her fall asleep on my shoulder watching TV. She had also adapted to my rotating shifts and switched her sleeping habits to match mine. I was used to it, but it couldn't be good for her.

I told Bella about the proposed plans that night, and she was fine with it. She was chatty that evening, both excited and nervous about her tests.

"We might find out the baby's sex. I only want to know so I can stop calling him 'him' if he's not." She chuckled as I settled in next to her on the couch. "You've always referred to the baby as 'him', too. I like that. I think we're right. I've always felt like he's a boy."

It was different seeing Bella excited about the baby. She normally got sad when she thought of him. "Do you want a boy?" I felt like I had to say something, but talking babies wasn't the norm for me at all.

She twisted to look at me, her hands moving to her belly briefly before jerking them away. "I don't want either," she said softly. "This is so messed up. I never wanted kids. Seriously. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. Part of me is so angry with Gianna and Marcus for leaving me in this situation, and I hate that. It's not their fault. They wanted this baby so much. They never would have opted to leave me with him. But they did. And now I don't know what to do."

Her hands couldn't seem to settle anywhere. They were moving from her belly to her sides, up to her hair and back down. I took hold of them to stop her from flailing around in uncertainty. "You'll figure it out," I said soothingly. "There's time."

Looking down at our hands in her lap, a small smile appeared. "Can we talk about this a little? I mean, if you don't mind… if it's not uncomfortable or anything."

"Have you ever known me to be uncomfortable?" I teased with a sardonic snicker.

Pulling her hands out of mine, she reversed the hold. "Edward, seriously – you're being so great about all of this. So supportive. I don't want to make it worse for you in any way."

"Contrary to what I've exhibited with my occasional slips of verbal awkwardness, I have grown more comfortable with myself. I don't freak out over every conversation nowadays. You can talk to me about anything. Just like always."

"If you say so." She seemed ready to debate that fact, but changed her mind. Instead, she sunk further down into the couch and dropped her head to my shoulder. She freed one of my hands, but still hung on to the one closest to her. I stared down at our intertwined fingers. Okay, with anyone else, that would still freak me out. That was a fact. No matter how many quirks I'd overcome, having my hands touched was not one I ever thought I'd be able to conquer.

"There's a trust fund – for the baby," she began in a quiet voice. "There's no financial burden attached to him, so that's one major factor out of the way. Marcus set it up months ago. I'm sure their entire estate would have gone into it at this point."

"Shouldn't the lawyers have contacted you about it? I can have my dad look into it if you want."

She smiled up at me. "Maybe. Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. There is just so much to consider, and I don't know what they would want from me, beyond delivering a healthy baby. Would they expect me to keep him? Part of why they asked me to be their surrogate was because they knew I wouldn't change my mind at some point and want their baby for myself. They knew I didn't want children."

"Do you think that's changed? You think they'd expect you to feel differently because the circumstances have changed?"

"That's my dilemma… I feel like in some way, I'd be letting them down if I make the wrong decision. I don't think I can be a mother – not a good one, anyway. On the other hand, how can I just give their child away? What if someone horrible gets him? What if he's not happy and loved and well-cared for?"

"What if he ends up in a home like I had with siblings that are his best friends?" I countered.

Bella hummed against my shoulder. "That would be awesome. I wonder if I'd be able to follow-up with him – you know, make sure he's doing all right and all down the road."

"More questions we could ask Dad about. He is quite familiar with the laws in regards to surrogacy."

"Do you find it funny that there are so many similarities? Of course, I'm much older than your mother was, and you weren't implanted in her..." Her voice trailed off with a little chuckle. "This is crazy."

I gave our clasped hands a shake. "What's crazy?"

"It's almost like we were brought together for a reason."

"Now, you mean? Or years ago?"

"Both! I'd never be here with you right now if I hadn't –"

"Hadn't what?" I encouraged her on.

"You earned my trust back then, you really did. If we hadn't been like we were then, I wouldn't be able to do this. Any of it. You were a factor in me deciding to even attempt this surrogacy."

"I was?" I asked in shock.

"Mm-hmm. Esme and Carlisle are amazing parents. They deserved you. I know that Gianna and Marcus would have loved this little one just as much as your parents loved you. They deserved a chance to have that with a baby they couldn't physically have together. And then there's me – there's absolutely no way I'd get through this on my own and maintain any level of sanity. Just knowing that you're here and that I can talk to you… you have no idea what it means to me."

Her grip on my hand tightened. My other hand moved to rub the back of her hand with my thumb. I had no words. We simply sat together, holding hands, each lost in our own thoughts. It was a moment of serenity like I'd never felt before. The peacefulness ended with my apartment door opening.

Bella lifted her head from my shoulder as Lauren walked in. We acted together, unfolding our hands.

"I should have knocked?" Lauren asked.

"We were just talking about the baby," I explained. I should have stood up and gone to her. I wanted to get up. For reasons unknown, my body stayed put. Bella stood instead. I noticed then how tired she looked. There were dark circles under her eyes, and she was paler than I'd seen her in weeks.

"I should get to bed. Thanks for letting me unload like that. Good night, Lauren."

"I brought dessert for the three of us. You don't want to join us?"

Bella shook her head, offering a tiny grin. "Thanks, but no. I am extremely tired. I'll give you two some privacy. Enjoy."

Only when Bella was closed up in her room did I manage to stand. I was fully aware of how we must have looked to Lauren when she walked in. I had more explaining to do. Lauren cut me off with a kiss when I began to babble an explanation. We shared a piece of the cake she brought over and talked about our day. It was like we'd done many times, but there was something off about her demeanor. I felt obliged to give an explanation another try.

"Bella's struggling with her decision about the baby's future. I think she really needed to get some of her thoughts out. It's upsetting her."

The familiar look of concern passed across Lauren's brow. "It must be so difficult being in her situation. I don't envy her."

"It doesn't help that the people she was closest to were the baby's parents. And they're gone. I don't particularly want her talking to Rosalie about this – it's a touchy subject for her."

"Of course! I understand."

She would. That made me feel even guiltier for… for what, exactly? "Bella was a really good friend to me at a time when I didn't have anyone. I want to be the same for her now that she needs it," I explained softly.

Lauren nodded, avoiding my eyes.

"You don't think it's anything more than that do you?" I probed gently as I stroked her back. "We're friends. Period. That's all it's ever been."

With a sad smile, she finally met my gaze. "It doesn't matter what I think."

"Of course it does! You've been affected by this, too, and I've neglected to tend to you throughout it. I'm sorry, Lauren. You deserve better. You honestly do."

"Better than you?"

"Better _from_ me," I corrected. "I appreciate everything you've done to help with this. I don't let you know that nearly enough. Can you be completely honest with me? Have I hurt you? Does it upset you that I'm with my friend more than you lately?"

"Honestly?" She turned on her stool at the breakfast bar to face me. "It doesn't upset me that you tended to her in the hospital or that she's here with you. I think it's wonderfully generous of you. It's one of the things I adore about you, Edward – your generous heart. To be upset over you caring for your friend would be hypocritical, so no. I'm not upset by that. What hurt was seeing you together tonight. I should not have put us in that position. I'll knock from now on."

I frowned at her. "Lauren, you're not going to walk in on us in a compromising position," I scoffed.

"I believe you. I don't expect I'll ever walk in and find you in bed together. I just don't want to see what I saw tonight. It doesn't mean it was wrong – I just can't watch it."

"Watch what?" I needed to know clearly what she was upset by.

Slowly, she extended her hand and placed it on the back of mine. I flinched and pulled away, placing it on her waist instead. Her head dropped with a heavy sigh. "That level of intimacy that you just can't pull off with me," she whispered. "That's what I can't watch."

I turned to her then, pulling her into an embrace. I kissed the top of her head repeatedly as I held her. "There's nothing romantic between Bella and I. I swear to you."

"Not romantic… intimate," she countered, pulling away slightly. She kept her arms around my neck loosely. "You've never let me hold your hand."

Shit, shit, shit! That was one thing I couldn't amend. "Lauren, I have this thing –"

"I know, honey. I know. You don't have to explain."

"I do, though! All my life, I've had this… thing… about people touching my hands. I can't control it. It used to be wrapped up in a bunch of other anxiety issues, but it's the one thing I've never been able to manage. If I'm even able to shake someone's hand, I have to go wash immediately. That's with everyone – even family. It's not you, Lauren. I promise you. It's me."

"But Bella is capable of breaking through," she pointed out. "Not me. That's what hurts." Her arms slid from my neck down to my chest as she stared at me in remorse.

"Shit. I'm sorry." My voice was barely audible. I felt like shit, and there was nothing I could do. Or was there? Releasing her waist, I drew my hands down my face, breathing in and out deeply as I gathered courage. My heart was racing as I eyed her hands in her lap. Tentatively, I reached out and ran the back of my fingers over hers, barely making contact. The back of my neck began prickling. My heart felt like it was going to pound through my chest. She held very still while I tested my resolve. I pressed on with it, despite the fact that I felt as though I may pass out. Or vomit.

_It's silly… it's just Lauren's hand. You're being ridiculous._

My head knew I could do this, but my body disagreed. Moisture broke out on my forehead. A bead of sweat actually rolled down the back of my neck and my hands began shaking. Before I could lose nerve – or dessert – I reached for her wrist and turned her hand over. My trembling fingers ran across her palm before my thumb traced her fingertips, and she remained like a statue for me.

_I can do this…_

I placed my palm on her fingertips, while my fingers uncurled to stroke her palm. Suddenly, my airways closed over and I emitted a choking sound. She pulled away abruptly.

"This is ridiculous."

"I'm sorry," I panted.

"I know! Edward, come here." Her arms went around my shoulders. "You don't have to do this. I'm sorry for even making you feel like you had to try. I know you're uncomfortable. I know that. I won't do that to you."

My understanding girlfriend was back. She was stroking my hair and placing kisses along my hairline. I gripped her tightly as my heart fought to slow down so I could breathe.

"I'm sorry I put you through that," she whispered against my temple. "It's okay."

We moved over to the couch to snuggle for a bit before she left. She assured me that it was fine – she'd get over it. It was anything but fine, however. She'd drawn attention to something I'd never even considered. I'd had sex with three women in my life, but holding Bella's hand was by far the most intimate I'd ever been with someone. And it wasn't the first time. I'd had that intimacy with her back when she was my brother's girl, too.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Bet you all know what's coming up with Lauren. Does it surprise you that Bella moved in with Edward without any fuss? Let's hear it._

_There's a part in this chapter that was for a certain reader - did ya catch it, PinkKnitsIndeed? ;)_

_Thank you Shug, for beta-reading. And msj for existing in my life. Oh yeah, and pre-reading too. :D_

_Until next week... thanks for reading. XX ~ SR_


	15. Chapter 14

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 14**

I turned out to be useless for making plans, so the girls took care of the details. I would take Bella over for her tests when I finished work, Charlie was coming up to stay with her during the dialysis, Emmett would keep her company while Rosalie did her rounds, and then the two of them would bring her home. Lauren would prepare our meal there and have it ready for them. Bella was nervous about her tests. I was anxious about not being with her. Lauren was over the moon that we'd have a whole night alone together. And I was a giant, walking turd through it all.

"We're home!" I heard my sister call out as she used Bella's key to let them into my apartment.

I dropped the bowl I was washing into the sink and ran out to greet them. I was expecting Bella to look pale and completely worn out, but I got a pleasant surprise. I let out a huge sigh of relief when I saw her bright eyes and rosy cheeks. "Hey! You look fantastic!"

"I've been told that before," Emmett deadpanned before slapping me on the back. "What's to eat? I'm starving!"

"Uh, about that… dinner will be a little late." I headed for the kitchen, my three hungry guests following behind.

Emmett went straight to the fridge. "Where's Lauren?"

"Em, ease up, baby." Rosalie helped Bella up on a stool so she could watch from the other side of the breakfast bar. "Edward's more concerned with Bella's health than your stomach at the moment. She did great."

I smiled at Bella as she mouthed, "I did great!" after Rosalie.

"You do look really great. How do you feel?"

"Better than I have in months, actually. Rose made them rush the test results, so I know everything is good with the baby."

"The dialysis will give her more energy," Rose added. "And now that she's not stressing about the baby…" She pressed her forehead against Bella's. "Not stressing, right?"

"Not stressing," Bella replied with a laugh. "For now. How was your day? And night… whatever." Her tummy let out a loud rumble, and I passed her over an apple as I shrugged.

"So where is the cook?" Rosalie asked now that we'd gotten Bella's report out of the way.

"You're looking at him."

Three silent faces stared me down.

"What? I am capable of cooking."

"This, I have to check out." Rosalie left Bella's side and came around to peek in the pot on the stove. "Well it smells edible."

"Does it smell almost done?" Emmett shoved her aside playfully to get at the bubbling pot. "I'm impressed, Ed. I didn't know you could cook on a stove."

"I had help," I admitted, pushing him aside so I could give it a stir. "Cooking with Mom on Skype. Fun times."

Rosalie cracked up. "You're serious! I know this aroma, now that you said that… Mom's meatballs."

"Yep. Nothing fancy. We had to work with what I had around here, and with my limited skills. All of this after she familiarized herself with technology. She's amazed, by the way. Expect a Skype call tomorrow. She's bugging Jasper tonight."

"Aw! That's adorable! Eddie cooking with Mommy over the internet."

I pinched my sister while she hugged me and smiled across at Bella as she laughed at us. "We've got about an hour to go. Can you all wait or should I order a pizza?"

"Pizza!" Emmett cried out.

"Wait!" Bella insisted. Her apple core flew across the counter and nailed Emmett in the forehead. "Shit! Em, I'm sorry! I was aiming for your chest!"

We all laughed as Rosalie picked seeds out of his hair and wiped down his forehead. "So what happened, anyway? Did Lauren get called in to the restaurant? Is she coming later?"

Rubbing the back of my neck, I hummed. "Actually… no to both."

"Lover's spat?" Emmett asked tentatively.

"Well… we broke up." There. It was out. I looked at each of them for their reactions. Emmett was clearly stunned. Bella was silently tracing her fingers along the veins in the marble countertop, avoiding looking at me. Rosalie was the only one who didn't look surprised or try to hide her reaction. A tiny grin played across her lips before she placed a kiss on my cheek.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"No, you're not!" I laughed. Bella's head snapped up.

"Okay. I'm not really." Her grin grew into a wide smile. "You know this is better."

"He's better on his own?" Emmett asked in shock. "I don't know about that, baby. Sure, there's something to be said for being single, but Ed doesn't exactly take advantage of bachelorhood. It's not like he's hitting the clubs and picking up women. Lauren was a good match."

"You just liked her tits," Rosalie countered.

"And her food. Oh man! Does this mean no more comps at the restaurant?"

"I'm sure she'll still feed you if you show her your dimples," I assured him. "She's got nothing against you."

"Like I'd hang out with your ex if she doesn't want you around. Get real."

"Em…" Rosalie stepped over to her husband. "Maybe Edward doesn't want to talk about this right now."

"Does Esme know?" he pressed on.

"Yeah… that delayed my cooking lesson as well," I replied with a smirk.

"That means Jasper will know, too," Rose interjected. "Expect a call."

I took a glance at Bella, who still hadn't commented on my new status. Her bottom lip had disappeared entirely, and her eyes were cast downward. "Sheesh. Don't ever tell anyone in this family something you don't want the entire family in on. No one can keep their mouth shut." I wanted to distract her from thoughts of her past with Jasper.

She gave me a shy grin. "Everyone but you. You keep secrets well."

"That's the truth," Emmett agreed. "I've never bought into the whole DNA is what makes a family bullshit, but this is proof. Ed is very different from them in that respect. I'd feel safe telling him anything… even though he clams up when it comes to his own shit."

"It wasn't ugly or anything." I fought to keep my voice level. "It was amicable."

Emmett cocked an eyebrow at me. "No such thing. But I'll get the truth from you later on. We should focus on getting this meal together. I'm not kidding, I'm fucking starving." He shooed the women out to relax in the living room while he gave me a hand in the kitchen. He was a rather accomplished cook himself, having learned by taking his turn at the fire station. Mashing garlic into some butter, he spread it out on one loaf of bread before adding some chopped tomatoes and olive oil. His appetizer was toasted perfectly by the time I put the pasta into the boiling water. He served the ladies while I got busy making a salad.

"For real?" he asked me quietly when he returned to the kitchen. "It was mutual?"

I nodded. "I haven't been giving much to the relationship, and to be honest, I haven't been feeling it lately," I admitted.

"So you broke it off? I don't mean to pry, I'm just curious."

"It's okay. Rose will want to know the details anyway." I sighed and pushed a cucumber over to him to slice up. "Last night, Lauren told me she loves me."

"First time?"

"Yep." Finishing with the lettuce, I grated some carrots into the bowl.

"And you said…?"

"Nothing."

"Ah."

"Exactly. I couldn't say it just to make her happy, and she really deserves to be happy. It's not like she did anything wrong or it wasn't working between us – she's great. It was the perfect relationship for us at the time."

"But no longer," Emmett surmised.

"I thought it would move slower. No… that's a lie. I knew she was working towards this – the whole 'I love you' bit. Maybe another time, another place, I would have been able to give her what she wants. I'm just really confused right now."

Emmett grabbed hold of my arm, turning me towards him. He mouthed, "Bella?"

My silence was all the confirmation he needed. He let it go.

~ 0 ~

Emmett and Rosalie were barely out the door when her twin made the anticipated call. I wasn't anxious to pick it up. The four of us had had an enjoyable evening, despite the elephant in the room. No one mentioned Lauren again, and Bella seemed more relaxed. It was the healthiest I'd seen her look since our paths crossed again, and I wanted to retain that. I wouldn't let my love life bring her down. But then there was Jasper to deal with.

We spoke a few times a week. Well, I spoke to either him or Alice – whoever picked up the phone at the time. Rosalie had said she'd take care of telling them about Bella's accident, and I knew she had but I'd never mentioned it myself. Neither had they. I had the feeling that was about to end.

"Hey, Jazz," I said upon picking up. I knew it would be him and not Alice.

Bella got up from the couch, placing her hand on my shoulder as she passed me in the chair. She smiled at me and escaped to the balcony.

"What's up, bro?"

"You just missed Rose and Emmett," I informed him casually. "I made dinner."

"So I heard."

"Mom."

His low laugh from the other end made me miss him. "That woman can't keep a secret. So how bad is it? Your relationship, I mean… not your kitchen. Is it fixable?"

"Definitely over." A lump suddenly formed in my throat. It wasn't over the demise of my relationship or even the guilt I felt over my treatment of Lauren. I really missed my brother. I wished we were kids again. I wanted us to be in my old room, Jazz sprawled on my bed with his legs up my wall tossing a ball between them as we talked. I wanted to sit in my desk chair and swivel while my fingers ran over the smooth coolness of the malachite stone I'd have in my pocket. I wanted to hear what advice my outgoing brother would give me for a breakup. I had never had him there to counsel me, or console me, or take me out and get drunk over a girlfriend. Then again, Lauren was the only girlfriend he'd ever gotten the chance to know.

"Shit. How are you coping?" The light-hearted tone in his voice was gone. This was his concerned voice.

"I'm not slitting my wrists." Better I joke about it if he wasn't going to.

There was a long pause, and I could hear him drumming on something – probably his desk. "Ed, I'm really sorry to hear it's over. I thought you two were going to make it. You're really okay? Emily is sleeping. Alice is about ready for sleep herself. I can drive up there… spend the weekend."

I smiled, willing the lump to go down my throat and let me speak.

"I can ask Rose to stay at your place. We can do a dudes' day with Em."

A sound struggled past the lump. It was something like a grunt.

"Ed?"

I got a deep breath in and held it. "Yeah. I'm here."

"Six hours. Five, if I don't have to worry about Charlie's guys pulling me over for another fucking speeding ticket. Those fuckers nail me every time I'm near Forks."

The laugh finally cleared my airway. "I've never received a ticket from the Forks PD," I boasted.

"Yeah, well the boss likes you."

I closed my eyes, seeing a very clear image of my brother in my head. He would be at his desk, in his big leather chair. The office in his home was filled with dark, luxurious furniture. Hundreds of books lined the shelves of the mahogany bookcases. He had only three things hung on the walls: his framed law degree, a family portrait with Alice and Emily, and a picture of me, him and Rosalie after high school graduation. I knew he'd be turned towards that one. His eyes would show the same remorse I was feeling over missed bonding and things never said between us.

"How's Bella?"

I wasn't expecting that. Now I was glad we were separated by the miles I'd just wished were gone. I knew what that look of disapproval in his eyes would be like. If there was disappointment as well, it would be even worse.

"Good. Great, actually. She had her first dialysis session, and she's doing a lot better."

"That's great. Really good news." The drumming continued. My brother was uncomfortable. "Listen, I don't want you to think that I don't care or anything. I would have come up to visit, but things are so crazy around here. Emily's not sleeping much."

"It's cool."

"You must think I'm a total asshole for not asking about her sooner. I get the scoop from Rose, though. Like I said, I do care."

"You're not a _total_ asshole," I retorted teasingly.

"Can you tell her I said… hi… and whatever? If she wants to know, that is. You'd know better than me." Jasper chuckled. "You've always known better than me."

Was that meant to be a shot? "I'll let her know."

"Would it be okay to drop by in a couple of weeks? Alice wants to take a trip to Forks. We'd like to come up and see you, too."

"Sure. Just let me know when. Oh, and you can let Alice know she can still call Lauren or whatever. I don't think she hates the whole family."

"Just you?" The drumming in the background stopped.

"Nah. At least I don't think so. She's been very patient with me. Very understanding about everything. I'm just a dick. She doesn't hold it against you guys. It'll be fine."

"You're cool with it, too?"

"Sure. Yeah. I've messed up enough without having Alice mad at me, too. Emily's not sleeping these days?"

Our conversation moved onto our usual. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. At least the Bella talk was over with. I went out to retrieve her from the balcony when I hung up.

"So, Jasper says hello," I said casually. "He's glad you're doing better."

Bella nodded in acknowledgement. "And how are you doing? Honestly."

I blew out a breath, staring out at the night sky. "I'm… I don't know." I chuckled lightly, shaking my head.

She waited for more on that, but I didn't know what to say. I truly didn't know how I was feeling about everything. I felt bad, but also relieved. And then I felt bad about feeling relieved. "Sorry I didn't make dessert."

The sound of her laughter was more than welcome at that moment. "Dessert. You're worried about dessert."

"I could go pick something up. Or we could go together? Feel up to a walk?"

"I could do a walk. And I'll buy dessert."

We decided on frozen yogurt, and headed in the opposite direction of Lauren's restaurant. I didn't know if she would have gone in even though she had booked it off, but I didn't want to rub salt in the wound by parading past her business with Bella. All my jokes about her hating me were a cover. In fact, she loved me more than anyone ever had. She'd proved that last night when she let me go. I had honestly done my best to relax and tried not to worry about Bella – I'd really wanted to focus on Lauren for a change. I wanted to somehow try to make up for the hand incident.

I'd praised her dinner and her appearance, taken care of the clean-up and served her a glass of wine before massaging her feet. We'd danced in her living room and kissed like long-time lovers. We were on the path to her bedroom when she'd dropped the bomb.

"_We'll get through this, Edward. I promise. I'll see you through. I just love you so much. I hope you know that."_

_My fingers had been working on her bra clasp, having already stripped her of her blouse. They froze, as did my ability to speak. Love. She'd said it, and I believed she meant it. No woman had ever said those words to me. I needed to respond. I should have responded with the same, but that would've been a lie. I certainly had feelings for her, but love? It would be unfair to say it when deep in my heart, I knew it wasn't there. Not with her. Then my phone rang. My gut told me to leave it ring, to not acknowledge it and work on a way to respond to Lauren. My fear took over however, dreading that it was news about Bella – that something had gone terribly wrong. _

"_Wrong number," I announced when I hung up. I returned to her, dipping my head down to nip at her collarbone. "Where were we?"_

"_Where we've been for weeks now, in two separate worlds." She slipped out of my grasp and retrieved her discarded clothing. _

_I dropped my head, feeling like a heel. My hands rubbed at it as I made my way over to her. "I'm sorry. I'm preoccupied."_

"_I know."_

"_You've been so patient with me, Lauren. Believe me, it means so much –"_

"_My patience is not enough."_

"_It's more than enough! I'm horrible with stating intentions and all of that. I'm not exactly phobic about commitments – I am committed – it's just the timing. I need to go slow, but I've put you on hold, and that's not fair to you. You must resent me. God! I owe you so much."_

"_The only thing you owe anyone is the truth, Edward."_

"_What?"_

"_It's so clear!" she cried out gently. "Be honest with yourself, for Christ's sake. I'm not resentful, Edward. I'm a realist. And you're in love with her."_

_Her words hit me like an anvil striking steel. Of course I was. No matter how much I denied it to myself – no matter how much I wanted to be the friend Bella needed – I had always loved her. _

"_Lauren… I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry."_

_She closed her eyes, stroking my cheek softly. "It's not something you can control, honey. It's just there. It's how you feel."_

"_I'm truly sorry." Somehow I knew this was it. This was the end and the beginning all at the same time. _

"_I love you." Her hands cupped my face and she stared deeply into my eyes as she said it again. "I love you, Edward, but I won't be the one you end up resenting. You can't move on with unresolved feelings. You have to see this through."_

"_It's not like that, Lauren," I tried to explain. "It's never been like that. Bella sees me as a friend. Only a friend."_

"_Be honest with yourself. You've never even tried with her, have you?"_

_It didn't require a response. _

"_Good luck, Edward. I mean that. I wish you all the happiness you've always wanted but been denied. This could be your time to shine. I can't keep you from that."_

"Edward? Are you with me?"

Bella's voice jarred me out of my thoughts of last night. "Sorry. What were you saying?"

"Did you hear anything I said?" She tittered, scowling at me. "Of course not. Ugh. You've got other things on your mind."

"You have my full attention. What did I miss?"

"I shouldn't even repeat it. It sounds so egotistical now."

I chuckled at her. "Well now I've got to hear it!"

"Don't laugh." She issued her warning with an impish grin before turning serious. "I hope the other night didn't have anything to do with your break-up. We know what it was about, but I can imagine what Lauren thought when she walked in."

"I explained. She understood. It's fine. Don't worry about it."

"But I do! I am. I feel like I've crashed into your life and turned it upside down!"

I smiled easily at her. "You have."

"Yeah, well it's not fair to do that to you."

"Am I complaining?"

"Do you ever?" She poked me with her elbow when I huffed. "My point is I feel horrible if my being here ruined your relationship. I'm feeling stronger now. I can get my own place nearby."

How the hell did this happen? Just yesterday I had a girlfriend and the girl I'd loved forever in my life. Now both were leaving me? "Why would you do that? I mean, you feel good now, but what happens when you get weaker? Or if something happens with the baby? What if you fall, or get sick? You shouldn't be alone right now, Bella. You just shouldn't be."

"Neither should you," she replied softly.

"Then don't move out. Problem solved."

"Just like that?" She snickered as I pulled the door open to the ice cream shop.

"Just like that. Stay with me."

"I'll cook for you. Now that you don't have a personal chef, it's the least I can do."

"You just don't want to eat my cooking again." I grinned at her as we took our place in line. "How bad was it anyway?"

"Skype cooking works pretty good for you. It tasted good. The texture was a little off."

"I need to work on my balls?"

The two older ladies ahead of us turned to glare at me. I glared back. It wasn't my fault they only listened to half of our conversation. Bella cracked up, burying her face in my chest. "They could be a little firmer," she squeaked out between laughs.

Completely put off, they huffed and stepped out of line. "Guess they think my balls need some work, too. I'm a real winner with the ladies these days. I can chase them off without even trying."

"It wasn't my fault? Honestly?"

I knew she wasn't referring to the blue-haired prudes. She was back to worrying about Lauren. I couldn't lie to her, but I could hardly tell her the absolute truth. "It's my fault. Honestly. You don't have to worry about anything."

We placed our order and took it with us. The night was too nice to waste. We strolled along the pier while we ate our frozen yogurt cones. A frazzled woman with a toddler and a belly the size of Bella's passed us. She smiled at us and patted her belly. "Good luck!" She groaned in frustration as she chased her little boy as he ran towards the water.

Bella's hand went to her own belly. "I found out the sex. Want to know?"

"Yeah!" I smiled at her enthusiastically.

"We were right." She was smiling too.

"A boy, huh?"

"I know. It's silly to get excited when it really doesn't matter. It's not like he's mine." Bella tossed her napkin into the trash can, popping the end of her cone into her mouth.

I followed suit and stood in front of her. "He matters, Bella. Whether he's yours or not." My comment, unwittingly, started the waterworks. Bella fell into my chest as I embraced her.

"Wish my dad could understand that," she said after she collected herself. "I hate that he's so uncomfortable around me. We talked yesterday – really talked. He said he feels like he let me down."

I remained silent, hoping beyond hope that Charlie hadn't reiterated his wish that the baby hadn't made it.

"It wasn't him; it was me. I let _him_ down. I got so wrapped up in Gianna and Marcus' lives that I let my relationship with my own father suffer. I don't regret my friendship with them. They were there when I really needed them, but so was my dad. The problem there was that he knows me too well. He can just look at me and know what I'm feeling and that's too much to handle sometimes. I shut him out over and over until… essentially I abandoned him too. I didn't tell him about the surrogacy when I agreed to it because I didn't want him telling me I was making another mistake."

"Bella, I don't think Charlie ever intends to be critical of you – he's only looking out for you."

She nodded, looking up at me with her tear-streaked face. "I know. And it's so frustrating because he's always right." With a snort, sniffle and sob, she fell against me once more. "He told me he's proud of me for helping Gianna and Marcus this way."

I smiled, feeling quite choked up myself. This was a massive step for Charlie.

"You were right though, he's scared. He's scared that I'm not putting myself first. He thinks I'm still giving myself to a vow I made to my friends and not thinking of what's best for me. But this isn't about them. This is about their baby. He's all alone, and I can't abandon him completely. He's lost both of his parents… I don't want to lose my dad over this too."

"You won't lose him, Bella." I made my statement with every ounce of certainty that I felt. "Charlie adores you. You are everything to him, believe me. He may be gruff and act impulsively when it comes to you, but that's his nature – his base instinct. You've got a man who's the Chief of Police – sworn to protect innocent people, but he's also a man who'd give his own life to save his only daughter. It's got to be tough to be in that position. He's tough, but he's only human. And he'll never turn his back on you."

"What would I do without you?" Bella held onto me for dear life, pressing her head firmly against my chest as her hands gripped my back.

I stroked her hair, shushing her as she wept. "Lucky for you, you don't have to figure that out. That's one more guaranteed thing in your life, Bella. I'm here."

~ 0 ~

As it always had in times of stress, my immune system turned its back on me. I woke the next morning with a bitch of a cold. There was no fever, so I went about my day, not bothering to find a replacement at work. It got worse over the next days, but being the stubborn bastard that I am, I persevered even with the congestion and complete lack of appetite. I came home to the wonderful scent of home cooking a few days later. My apartment smelled like a home for the first time when I stepped in.

I moaned in delight as I headed for the kitchen. Bella was bent over the oven, removing a pan of freshly made buns.

"Just in time!" She beamed at me, turning the buns out to cool.

I lifted the lid off the pot on the stove. Homemade soup. "You're killing me with this." I took a deep inhalation. "It's the only thing I've been able to smell all day. And I'm actually hungry! I want to dunk my whole head in it."

She grimaced and pushed me aside. "Don't do that! You'll get noodles up your nose."

"Wouldn't be the first time," I commented as I transferred the buns over to the breakfast bar. "I had a freak spaghetti incident once."

Bella ladled out steaming bowlfuls of soup, passing them to me. "I have a feeling you're not attempting humour with this."

"Correct."

"Spaghetti incident?"

I helped her up onto the stool before taking a seat next to her. "I used to eat dry pasta. Weird, I know."

"Gross!" She snickered as she turned up her nose.

"Even grosser up the nose… I was sitting on this little stool my mom kept in the corner of the kitchen, munching away on a piece of dry spaghetti. I must have been sick or something, because Dad took Rosalie to Jasper's tee-ball game, but Mom and I stayed home." I sipped on a spoonful of broth and sighed. "That's so good." I took another before continuing my story. "Oh, I know! It was the day I got my cast removed. My arm was still in a sling, and I'd snuck a few extra strands into it for later on. So, I'm munching and I hear the car pull up. I take off to go show them my bare arm, but my mom stops me. 'Don't run with that in your hand, Edward! You'll put your eye out!' I know she's right, so I go back to the stool."

Bella giggled beside me. "You looked so adorable in your pictures of when you were little. You were always banged up."

"Always. So Jazz and Rosalie came in first, and I showed them the new scar – that was my first compound fracture – we were all impressed. The spaghetti fell out of my sling, so I bent down to grab it before Mom saw. Just as I had them gathered in my good hand, Dad came up behind me, scaring the shit out me. I stumbled over the stool. Dad grabbed for me, not wanting me to fall on my newly mended arm, but inadvertently jerked my elbow upwards as I'm going down – spaghetti up the nose."

"Ouch!" Bella's hands went to her own nose. "Jeez! That must have hurt!"

"Bled like hell."

"Your mom never expected that one, huh?"

"I was full of surprises. That was the end of me eating dry pasta though. She was even more sure I'd put an eye out after that."

"Nah. Your glasses would have protected them."

"Bella, Bella. Think of who you're talking about. My glasses were always the first to go when I'd fall. I broke more pairs of glasses than bones – and that's no simple feat!"

Her soup was cold by the time she got her giggles under control enough to finish eating. Between the hot meal and her laughter, I was feeling much better. I decided to spend thirty minutes on the treadmill since I'd been neglecting it. Then I showered and went to bed. The fever hit sometime in the night.

Soaked from sweating but chilled to the bone, the last thing I wanted to do was move from my bed, but nature called. I wrapped my comforter around myself and stumbled across the apartment only to find the bathroom occupied. I leaned against the wall for a moment until my legs refused to hold me any longer. I slid down the wall and stayed where I landed. Bella found me huddled on the floor, shivering under my blanket when she came out.

"Oh! You're worse today!"

"I feel like death," I uttered with a groan before crawling into the bathroom. One look in the mirror showed the impossible – I actually looked worse than I felt. After expelling all that needed to get out, I washed up as best I could.

"Let me help you back into bed." Bella was waiting anxiously for me.

I shook my head at her. "I have to get a prescription."

"I'll go! Where?"

"No, no. I have to _get_ a prescription, not pick it up. This is bronchitis. I know it."

Not trusting me to make it across the street on my own, Bella escorted me. There was no possible way I could work through this, so while I waited to be seen by a doctor, I called in 'dead'. Fever does remarkable things to me – for one, I lose all ability to even pretend I don't feel like death, and I don't care in the least how I'm perceived. I also lose about a dozen or more years of maturity. I piss and moan, grumble and whine, all the while wishing my head would just explode already and end my misery. If my head won't comply, then I just wish for my mommy to come by and feed me Jell-O in between naps. I'm lazy and unhygienic – someone only a mother could love at times such as these. And when my fever got too high, I just got stupid.

"Not bronchitis," I announced as Bella helped me out of the waiting room after my examination. "Pneumonia. Good news for you. I'm not contagious."

"Goody. Let's get you home."

"I have to get this filled." I waved around the script written for antibiotics and two inhalers. I then proceeded to walk into a wall, rebound, and land squarely on my ass. Two orderlies witnessed my act, and rushed over to help. I attempted to push them off me. "I just have to sit for a minute."

"Do you know if Dr McCarty is working right now?"

I shook my head at Bella, even though she was addressing the orderlies. "I saw Dr Caine." I waved the prescription around again. "Caine. But I'm okay. Don't get him."

Ignoring me, she asked again. "Dr McCarty? Is she here?"

"He's a neuro patient?" One of them asked, convinced I had head trauma.

"Ohhhh!" I clued in. "My sister! You're looking for my sister! Yeah! Get my sister!" If Mom wasn't nearby, Rosalie was good to me whenever I felt shitty too.

"I'll page her." One orderly left while the other hoisted me into a wheelchair. I didn't have the energy to resist.

"Jesus, Edward! How high is your fever?" Rosalie bolted for me when she spotted me in the wheelchair.

"High. I'm high. Hi!" I grinned at her as she felt my face.

"Pneumonia." Bella filled her in. "He woke up like this. I have to get his medication, and I have no idea how I'm going to get him home. Can I borrow the wheelchair?"

"Zoom!" I laughed like a five-year-old.

Rosalie grabbed the paper from my hand, scanned it, and took hold of my wheelchair. "Let's get you something so we can get you home."

I must have dozed off because suddenly I was in a small room and something was stabbing my arm. "Ow! Something bit!"

"It's a needle, Edward. Relax." Rose's voice was calm, and I could feel her cool hand on my forehead. There was a cold compress on my neck as well. "It's some antibiotics and a fever reducer. Give it fifteen minutes, then I'm going to come back and drive you home. Okay? Can you make it through fifteen minutes?"

"Bella?"

"She's getting your meds for home, honey. She'll be right back."

I nodded, or I think I did. My head may have just been too heavy to hold up. I dozed off again.

~ 0 ~

"Hey, sleepyhead. Feeling better?"

I blinked my eyes, adjusting to the dark room. "What… where am I? What time is it?"

"Shhh!" Bella placed her hands on my chest and gently urged me back down when I tried to sit. That was good. My head felt like it was weighted down with sandbags. "We're home. It's late. You've slept all day. Rosalie was here a couple of hours ago to give you another shot. You don't remember?"

"A shot?" The sand started to shift around in my head. "I was at the hospital."

Bella smiled. She looked like an angel. "That's right. So you do remember."

"Sure. Um… I don't remember coming home."

"You've been pretty out of it," she told me with a more amused smile. "I guess you don't remember. It's probably better anyway."

"Shit. What did I do?"

She chuckled a bit, stroking my hair. "Don't worry about it. Rosalie said you need to drink lots. Can you manage some more water? I've got your bendy straw!"

I felt my face heating up, and it had nothing to do with the fever. I had a feeling I'd made an ass of myself in my feverish stupor that I couldn't recall. "Bendy straws are great." I took small sips in between coughs. She set the glass down when she was satisfied I'd drank enough.

"Your fever's down a bit but not gone."

"I'm gonna have to pee."

She cracked a grin. "You want help this time?"

I groaned for more than one reason as I got out of bed. I was wearing nothing but boxers – different ones than I'd had on earlier, I was sure. "What did I do? Did I piss myself? Oh shit…"

"It's okay!" Her giggle matched my little boy antics. "We all have accidents. Maybe you should sit this time. You may have better aim that way."

Well fuck. If she was witness to me pissing down my legs already, there was no point in letting modesty take over at this point. I didn't bother redressing. Instead, I headed for the door and made a sharp right to the bathroom.

"Edward!" Bella was behind me this time, stopping me from falling to the ground when I walked into another wall. "Hey, the bathroom's over this way, remember?"

"What the hell? It's supposed to be…" I rubbed at my eyes and squinted to take in my surroundings. Right. I was in the spare room, not my own. "Sucks being half-blind," I grumbled.

I managed to empty my bladder into the toilet this time. I may have dribbled a bit, but that was normal. I shuffled back to the bedroom, now shivering. Bella had the sheets stripped off.

"Have you got more? These are soaked. You sweated a lot."

I shook my head. I had two sets. One for each bed. "I'll just crash on the couch." Grabbing a pillow and blanket, I headed back out.

"Come on…" Bella prevented me from collapsing on the couch. "I should try to get some sleep too. Come in with me."

Over the next twelve hours, Bella alternated sleeping next to me and tending to me. She dosed me with meds, made me drink, and helped me in and out of bed. I had no more issues with walls or bad pissing. The sand was finally beginning to clear out of my head, but the pressure in my chest was worse. Daylight was peeking through the curtains when I opened my eyes. I squinted at the clock on my bed table and spotted my glasses there. I put them on and saw my inhalers laid out as well. Just what I needed. I sucked in the first puff and coughed up half a lung. Bella's hands were on my shoulders as she knelt behind me.

"Okay?"

I nodded, holding onto my chest while the coughing continued. "See why… I dis… patch…?" I choked out between hacks.

She hummed, rubbing my back. "Probably better."

The coughing subsided without any relief from the pressure. I did my second pump and leaned against my propped-up pillows, closing my eyes. "You won't want to be around when this shit starts coming up. It's nasty."

"In the words of Gran, better out than in. You feel much cooler. I think the fever broke last night."

"Ready to move out on me yet?" I risked opening one eye. She was grinning at me just like in the middle of the night.

"You told me I'm not allowed to. Ever."

"Oh my god…" I tipped back further and groaned. "What else did I say or do that was completely humiliating?"

She continued smiling at me as she got up. I noticed her attire for the first time – a thin nightshirt that prominently displayed her growing body. My eyes acted on their own, dipping down for a second or five when she leaned over me to kiss my forehead. She wasn't wearing a bra.

"We're beyond humiliation, you and I. We're only real. Lie back. I'm going to take care of you until you're all better. No arguments."

Little did she know I never argued when I was sick. She did discover the thing I loved most when I was sick, and I took full advantage. For several hours a day over the next four days, my head found a home on her lap as she played with my hair. It kind of made me glad I had the tendency to revert to a little boy during illness and even made me think having shitty genes wasn't entirely a bad thing.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ There. Lauren's done. Wasn't too painful, was it? ;)_

_Love and appreciation to msj, Shug and all of you reading. XX ~ SR_


	16. Chapter 15

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 15**

"Are you sure you're up to this visit?" Bella and I had just returned from the laundry room, and we had only a few hours before our guests were to arrive. Jasper, Alice, and Emily had made the trip up to Port Angeles. They'd stayed with Rosalie and Emmett overnight, and all five of them were coming over to my place for the evening.

"I'm fine. You're the one recovering from pneumonia; I should be asking you if you're up to it."

"Hmm. If I say I'm not, do I get to be babied again?" I asked with a smartass smirk.

"I think you milked that." She wagged a finger at me with a playful scowl. "That said, I wouldn't be adverse to a nap… you know, if you're worn out after working all night and then hauling laundry up and down the stairs. If you're not sleeping, I'm not."

"Both beds are stripped. Do you have the energy to make them?"

She eyed the pile of folded linens and then me. "We do one now, one later."

"Deal. Who's first?"

"Your room."

I picked up a set of sheets and headed for the spare room. She went the other way. "What's up? Is your noggin not working? You just said my room."

"Uh-huh. This _is_ your room, right? You gave it up for me? I figured that out when you walked into the wall that first night you were sick. You didn't do it again once I moved you in here, because you know the path from here to the bathroom without your glasses. You can have your room back."

"It's better for you. I don't normally have to piss three times a night."

"I can see my way across a room," she argued.

"You barely make it sometimes from the next room. If you have to cross the apartment, we'll be doing more laundry, mopping up piss, and I promise, I'll be teasing you about it until the end of time."

She rolled her eyes at me. "You're so stubborn."

"You're one to talk. What does it matter what room I'm in?"

"Because I'm staying in _your_ home! You should have your room!"

"I don't want my room."

"Edward…"

"Fine. We'll nap in your room." I walked across to where she was. "This will be me, sleeping in my room… which is your room. Happy?"

The two of us made up the bed together in silence, removed our pants, and climbed in. "I really don't care which room I sleep in, Bella."

"Don't start up again. I don't have the energy to argue with you. You win."

I acted out some fanfare until she smacked me. Then she cuddled up next to me, and all was grand. She was better than a sleeping pill for me. Just having her at my side relaxed my entire body and I was on my way to dreamland.

"I really like the idea that you had Gran's cactus in your room," she said softly, stirring me from the edge of sleep.

"I like the idea that you're here with Gran's cactus in my room – which is now yours," I murmured sleepily.

"Goodnight, Stubborn Edward."

"Goodnight, Equally Stubborn Bella. See you in a couple of hours."

~ 0 ~

The phone woke me up.

"Dude. What are you doing in there?"

"Uh…"

Emmett laughed over the phone. "We're standing in the hall. Can you let us in?"

"Shit! Yeah, yeah… hang on. Uh, hang _up_. I'll be right there." I threw the blankets aside and reached for my glasses, then my jeans, hauling them on as I headed for the bathroom. Bella had water running, so I banged on the door to give her some warning. She must have just woken up herself.

"You were sleeping?" Rosalie ruffled my hair as she gave me a greeting kiss.

"The alarm didn't go off," I said in excuse before greeting Jasper and Alice with hugs. Emily was asleep on Emmett's shoulder. "Hers either," I quipped nodding at the baby.

"She partied all day… and half of last night," he teased.

"You can set her down in one of the beds," I offered.

Alice shook her head. "She rolls a lot. I brought a portable playpen." She began setting up the mesh pen with skilled practice. It took her all of twelve seconds. "Where's Bella?"

"Bathroom. Hey, she's kind of cute now." I took a good look at Emily as Emmett laid her down.

Jasper cracked up, but Alice looked appalled. "As in, she wasn't before?"

I didn't see what was so bad about that. She wasn't attractive when she was born, but she is now so it's all good. "Well her face isn't all smushed up and wrinkled like it used to be. And she's got hair. She used to look like one of those Pound Puppy toys."

"Edward! What is wrong with you?" Alice may be small, but her fiery personality could heat up in one second flat. "You just said my daughter was ugly!"

"No… well, I guess in a way. I said she _was_, but she's not now." This amused everyone except Alice, but she quickly forgot about me when Jasper's attention turned to Bella.

Bella came up beside me and gave a shy smile. "Hi."

"Bella! Wow, you look great!" Jasper sounded surprised but sincere. He approached, arms extended for a hug. "I'm sorry for what you've been through," he said to her quietly as she accepted his greeting. I had a feeling he wasn't only referring to the accident.

"Thanks," she said softly. "Hi, Alice." Bella gave her a little wave.

"You remember me?" Alice beamed, and her eyes shimmered. It suddenly hit me that she may be feeling anxious about this meeting, too. She had no idea what to expect from Bella.

"Of course," Bella responded with a generous smile. "It's good to see you. I hear you have a little one. Where is she?"

"Yeah, our little Pound Puppy is asleep over there." Jasper laughed and gave my shoulder a punch.

"Geez. Remind me never to say what's on my mind again," I grumbled.

"Edward called Emily a Pound Puppy," Alice informed her. "Apparently my daughter was quite ugly."

I wondered how this made Bella feel, but when I turned to look at her, all I saw was supressed amusement. "I'm sure he didn't mean it like that. He doesn't see very many babies. Can I have a peek?" She joined Alice at the side of the playpen, smiling down at the sleeping little girl. "Oh my! She's beautiful! Congratulations."

"Thanks." Alice replied softly. For the first time since I'd known her, she seemed timid. Even during her awkward crushing phase of getting to know Jasper, she didn't appear this demure. "I'm sure your baby will be gorgeous, too. Right from the start." She couldn't resist shooting me one more glare. I simply smiled back. "When are you due?"

"Nine weeks…?" Bella looked to Rosalie for confirmation. "Something like that."

"Nobody mentioned a baby," Jasper commented as he turned to me. His eyes looked strange. They didn't exactly look surprised. It was something else. "You didn't tell me Bella's pregnant."

I shrugged. It wasn't my news to tell, so I really didn't care if he felt left out of the loop. With the way my family blabs, I would have thought he'd know all about it. As we settled in to get caught up, Alice seemed intent on talking all things pregnancy and babies. Jasper seemed to catch on that Bella was merely being gracious about it and would change the subject every time his wife brought it up. I was just pleased that it was going so well. I kept watching Bella for signs of discontent or anxiety. She honestly didn't appear affected by seeing her ex with his wife and baby. I supposed she had managed to get over him in the eight years apart. Eight years…

Bella joined me on the kitchen side of the breakfast bar, giving me a bump with her hip. "What's the smile about?"

"I was just thinking how quickly eight years can pass. It doesn't seem that long ago."

"Since we were all gathered this way?" Bella looked more somber in her reflection of the past than I did. "Funny, to me it seems like a lifetime has passed."

"You okay?" I tipped my head down to speak to her more quietly. "Do you want to rest? I can ask them to go now."

Bella smiled up at me, a devilish twinkle in her eye. "We haven't spent any time with the Pound Puppy."

"I'm never living this one down, am I?"

"Never." Bella snickered as she linked arms with me, dragging me towards the living room. The Pound Puppy had awoken.

The next three hours were spent watching my family watch my niece. They cooed over every sound she made, even when she passed gas. I was certain she got her dad's sphincter muscles, and I'd never found anything remotely endearing about Jazz's ass gas. I took mental notes on where she slobbered so I could remember to Lysol those spots when she left. Bella seemed slightly more enchanted by her than I was, particularly when Emily lunged, grabbed onto her and smiled.

"Oh my goodness, you're fast!" She praised the baby with the same smile they all used for her accomplishments. Reach out – smile. Blow a bubble – smile. Fart – smile. If only adult life could be so simple. "Look at those teeth!"

"She has teeth?"

All eyes went to me.

"What?"

"Edward, you have met your niece, haven't you?" Rosalie teased me, laughing at my ignorance.

"She's almost a year old, dude," my brother announced. "Of course she has teeth."

"A year? Seriously?" Time seemed to be in warp speed for me, but even still, that didn't seem possible.

"How old did you think she was?" Bella asked with a gentle grin.

I shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe five, six months."

"Ten months and eleven days, Edward."

"Thank you, Alice. But you're off by a few hours. She wasn't born until almost midnight."

"That, you remember, but not her age?" Emmett laughed at me. "Ohhhh! I know why you remember the time…"

The four of them went off on a moment by moment detailing of the day of Emily's birth, filling Bella in on the excitement. It had been one of the longest days of my life, but they wrapped it up between them in under ten minutes. And yes, I was right – Emily was born at 11:56 pm. She had then been whisked away to the neonatal ICU unit, and my brother was a wreck. That's what I recalled the most about that day. It was the weakest I'd ever seen Jazz. Nothing had frightened him so much as the thought of losing his little girl… or his wife. He'd cried on Mom's shoulder. And then Dad's. By the time he reached me, he was all cried out and telling me how lucky I was I could pop a pill at times like those. Lucky. All I could think about was my own entry into the world and how no pill could have saved my mother. Was childbirth really worth all of this? Babies could lose their mothers, fathers could lose their little girls. Mothers could lose their sons…

"Where are you?" Bella's soft voice brought me back to the room. The others were competing for Emily's attention, but Bella was focused on me. "Thinking about your mom?"

How the fuck did she do that? I nodded. "And you."

"I'm not going to die in childbirth, Edward. I promise you."

"You can't know that," I argued stoically.

"Edward, look at me." Her hand tipped my chin towards her. "I. Promise. You."

"Well, if you promise…" I grinned to appease her. I wouldn't accept it as truth until she had delivered and was healthy again.

"I swear on Gran's White Ghost, and you know that thing isn't dying."

"It's too stubborn."

Nodding, she chuckled at me. "Just like me."

"Ready for all of this, Bella?" Jasper broke into our private little talk. "It'll all change once your baby's here."

Bella leaned back on her arms, staying with me on the floor. Her position made her belly pop out, and I was aware of just how pregnant she now was. The months spent with her had seemed so brief. I looked at her every day, and she always looked just like Bella – now, I was seeing Pregnant Bella. Really Pregnant Bella. Could-give-birth-any-day Bella.

"Nooooo. Not ready in the least," Bella responded. "I haven't got a clue what I'm doing."

Examining my brother and sister-in-law's expressions, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that no one had told them a thing about Bella's situation. It had explained the look on Jasper's face when he'd said no one told him she was pregnant – he was hurt that he'd been left out. Now, something else mingled with that hurt.

"You know what? We should get going. Emmett has an early shift tomorrow, and none of us got much sleep last night." Rosalie was quick to her feet, saving us an awkward moment.

Bella aided Alice in collecting Emily's things, making sure she had everything packed up before we escorted them out.

"We should do this again soon." Jazz seemed sincere in his statement and perhaps was reluctant to leave so early. "Maybe get a sitter. We can go bowling."

"That may have to wait. They'll think she's smuggling out a bowling ball." From my place behind Bella, I wrapped my arms around her belly. Her hands went to mine as she leaned back against me, chuckling.

"He's sweet… insinuating my gut is merely bowling ball sized."

"I had a beach ball," Alice announced. "Seriously. Yet she was so tiny when she came out… it's shocking. You'll be amazed. Emily was premature. Eight weeks early. That means you have one week to grow to a beach ball and have a tiny little one. Of course, I hope you don't deliver early! That's not what I meant! You'll have nine weeks to expand and have a healthy baby right from the start. But you'll still look good! I mean, you look amazing! You probably won't even gain weight anywhere else. Just the baby. You'll have a healthy baby. Don't worry about a thing. Worrying isn't good. I really should just shut up." Alice finally clamped her mouth shut and squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm just really excited about this… and kind of nervous. I don't want you to hate me."

"I don't hate you!" Bella released her grip on my hands and extended her arms to Alice. "Don't ever think that. We missed out on getting to know each other, but that can change. I don't hate you, Alice," she murmured softly as they hugged. Alice was crying when they let each other go.

Jasper moved in and placed a kiss on his wife's head, stroking her back lovingly. Then he embraced Bella. "Thanks, darlin'. You're a much better person than I could ever be. Be well. And take care of that little one. We'll see you soon."

~ 0 ~

I received a call from my brother the next morning, inviting me to lunch, just the two of us. I was working second shift, so we agreed to a late lunch/early dinner before my shift.

"We're heading back to Seattle tonight, but I wanted to spend some more time with you before we leave. It seems like forever since we hung out."

"Yep. Now we know why Dad didn't have a spectacular social life." I grinned across the table at my brother. "You're following in his footsteps all the way." One similarity I was grateful he didn't share was Dad's penchant for lecturing. He always meant well with his talks, but they always left me feeling like I wasn't good enough. Jazz still kept it real – we just shot the shit like we always had. No lawyer bullshit mixed in.

"You're lecturing me on non-existent socializing? Ironic. How things have changed!"

"Well, I'm not so different, really. Most of my socializing is still done with Rose and Emmett. Just like the old days. It's too bad you live so far away."

He nodded, sipping on his Coke. "Yeah. You might know how old your niece is if we were closer."

I slapped my forehead. "Is Alice really pissed about that?"

"Nah. She knows you. No harm, no foul. It's easy to let time get away." He tipped his head to the side. "Also easy to fall into the past, it would seem."

My stomach dropped. Suddenly this wasn't about shooting the shit. I felt like I was sitting across from Dad, about to get grilled on my life.

"When exactly was Bella's accident?"

I saw the lawyer wheels turning in his mind, piecing together the facts. "I don't know… four months ago maybe? Or three? I've lost track. You had so much going on when it happened. Rose and I didn't want to upset your life even more. We wanted you to enjoy having Emily home and get used to all of that. She was in a coma for the first weeks. I didn't know how she'd feel about having any of us there with her, you know?"

"Sure, sure. I understand. So you didn't get involved with her before the accident?" He was working his questioning in casually around bites of his meal. It still felt like an interrogation.

"No, Your Honour. Our first contact was on Highway 101. She was unconscious at the time."

Jazz smirked at me. "Smart ass."

I set my fork down, leaning on the table. "If you've got a direct question, just come out with it."

"The baby…"

"Is not mine," I completed his thought for him. "Obviously. Nothing has changed between me and Bella. We're exactly the same – friends. Nothing romantic."

"I know the baby isn't yours. But did Lauren know that?"

"What? Yeah! Of course!"

"Relax, Ed. I'm still trying to get caught up here, remember? It just seemed like things were going really well for you two, then Bella appears – pregnant – and you break up. It's completely rational to consider the fact that it's related."

"Bella didn't break us up," I hissed out.

"It's coincidental then," he countered.

I sighed heavily. Giving up on my food altogether, I pushed my plate aside. "It was my fault, not Bella's. I put her before my relationship with Lauren and it suffered. I wasn't a good boyfriend. She deserved better."

"It was your choice to end it?"

"Not really. Kind of." Looking into my brother's eyes, I saw concern. Perhaps I'd been wrong with his intentions all along. He wasn't fact-digging. He just cared. I filled him in on how everything with Lauren had just sped up, and I wasn't sure it was the direction, nor pace, that I wanted it to go. He let me speak, nodding his understanding and adding bits to the conversation here and there. When I finished up, he was staring down blankly, looking reflective.

"What's up?" I encouraged him to say his piece.

He shook his head. "I'm just thinking how you weren't ready to say three words to Lauren, but you're diving into a kid with Bella. Are you sure about this, Ed? It's a huge step."

"They weren't _any_ three words – they were words I'm not sure I feel. I don't throw them around," I countered. "And I'm not having a kid with Bella."

"It may not be your kid, but you're living with her. You'll be involved. I know you, bro. You'll be hugely involved."

"Jazz, she doesn't even know what she's going to do with the baby. It's a tricky situation. She's under a lot of stress right now, so it's not coming easily."

Jasper nodded. "Rosalie filled us in on the surrogacy," he confessed. "She thought it would be better for Bella if Alice didn't get too attached to the idea of another baby in the family. She kind of throws herself into these things."

I smiled back at him. I realized I was reading him wrong. I was anticipating judgement, so that's what I'd seen. This was just him trying to catch up with me after being left out. "I've noticed. So you understand why she's feeling so uncertain."

"Sure. Yeah. Absolutely." Jasper's face twisted as he chewed on the side of his cheek – a nervous habit he had that I knew well. He had more to say.

"Spill it." I never wanted this conversation repeated, so I preferred to get it all out at once.

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but it's just all so convenient."

I scoffed at him. Maybe the judgement was there after all. "Sure. Maniacal Bella plotted this whole thing. She arranged a flight that would crash precisely at the moment Emmett and I were nearing that section of the highway – killing her best friends, mind you – just so she'd be back in our lives. Do you realize how insane that sounds?"

"I know –"

"She could have just picked up the phone, Jazz. I would have answered."

"I know! See, you're overreacting."

"I am? I see it differently."

"How so?" Maybe he was more like Dad than I'd thought. His voice was completely calm, contrasting my escalating anxiousness. He even tented his fingers under his chin the way Dad did when he was placating me.

"You're jealous," I stated flatly. His eyebrows arched, and I continued. "We've all had these months to renew our relationship with Bella, and you haven't been part of it. You want to make this all about you."

"Not even close, bro. Honestly, you were right months ago – I don't want to be involved in all of this. But you're involved, and so here I am. This is about you. Only you. I'm worried about you. You had a good thing going, and you just dropped the ball the moment Bella reappeared in your life. I know how you felt about her all those years ago, and I know it hurt you to be cut out. Why would you want to do that to yourself again?"

"Maybe because I'm not seeing this as being all about me," I suggested. "Because this is about helping someone I care about."

"Exactly. That's exactly what I'm doing here, dude. Look… I care about Bella, I really do. I want her to be well. Happy. I feel horrible for her – she's been through so much. I really want that to turn around for her and see that she's happy."

"But…? I sense a but."

"But… more so, I care about you. I thought you were over your feelings for her. You actually had legitimate relationships with other women. You and Lauren seemed perfect together. Then the break-up happened, and I saw how you were with Bella last night. I saw how you look at her. I saw how you protect her and defend her. It's still there. You're way too involved in something that has great potential to devastate you."

"Again… it's not about me, Jazz. I can handle whatever comes. I _have_ grown up. I'm not the fragile little weakling I was when we were kids. I won't fall apart and have a breakdown."

"And your heart? Can you deal with what it does to that? Ed, you're my brother. I've loved you my entire life. I've looked out for you my entire life. That's not something that will end. We're brothers for life. You know that?"

I nodded sullenly. The truth was I didn't want him looking out for me. I'd finally reached the point where I felt we were just regular brothers. Obviously he didn't see it that way. I was still pathetic in his eyes.

"I'm worried that she's going to take advantage of you… of your heart."

"Wait." My eyes flew to his, and I gripped the edge of the table, digging my fingertips into it in anger. "You think she's taking advantage of me? Using me? How can you say that? Christ, Jazz… sometimes I'd swear you never even knew Bella."

Shifting in his chair uncomfortably, he hung his head. "You're not the first to say that. I'm well aware that I was never as in tune with Bella as you were."

"How could you even suggest that, Jazz? Do you know why she cut off of us out when you broke up? For us. _Us_, Jazz. You and me – so we'd never be strained because of her. She wanted to avoid moments of utter bullshit like this, I suppose. I will always defend her, and it has nothing to do with old feelings I had. I'll defend her and help her in any way possible, because I _know_ her. It's not because of me, but because of who she is. I really don't want this to be a problem between us, but that's how it's going to be."

Jasper couldn't even look at me. He held his forehead with both hands. I think they were trembling slightly. "I shouldn't have said anything. This wasn't what I was aiming for – making you upset wasn't my intention, Edward." His voice trembled as well.

I blew out a breath. "I know that. You're probably right, too. I'm overreacting."

"No." He snorted out a little laugh. "You're one hundred percent right. And I was wrong a decade ago. I was incredibly jealous of you then, you know. The thing you had with Bella… I never could compete. I hated myself for it, but every time she wanted to hang out with you instead of going off on our own, I was jealous. I envied the way you connected – how you always knew what she needed. It should have been me, but it just wasn't there with us, you know? I felt inadequate."

Hearing this confession, I felt like I was in an alternate universe. "_You_ felt inadequate? You? Jasper Cullen? That makes no sense, Jazz. You had it all."

Finally he looked at me. "Not everything, bro. You had the one thing I couldn't capture… Bella's entire heart."

I shook my head, trying to clear out the fog that was building. None of this was making sense. I couldn't even form a sentence to ask him to clarify. I thought for sure I was having some sort of episode where he was saying one thing, but I was hearing it as something else entirely.

"It's true. Things weren't great between us even before she went back to Phoenix. Like a selfish prick, I wanted her full attention – I wanted her devoted to me and me alone. By that point, she'd stopped comparing you and I… at least to my face, anyway. She knew it got under my skin. There was always this underlying feeling that she'd rather be with you. It created a lot of conflict, because part of me _wanted_ you to have that. You never saw your value, Ed, but Bella did. She saw you as Rose and I did… and that was great. On the other hand, I loved her. She was my girlfriend, and I should have had the closeness you two shared."

"I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am." I also realized how much my brother actually did care for me. It would have killed me back then to know my friendship with Bella hurt him in any way.

Jasper waved off my apology. "None of it was your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for. _I'm_ sorry if this is making things worse. I just think it's time for it all to come out. "Remember that Christmas I went down to Phoenix? It was four days of continuous reminders of how inadequate I was. Four days of thinking she'd be better off with you. Her grandmother never once called me Jasper. It was always 'Edward'."

"She called Renee 'Bella'," I reminded him. "Gran was just confused."

He shook his head with a little grin. "I don't think so. I think the ol' girl knew what was in her granddaughter's heart. It was a bitter slap of reality. I swore I'd never go back to Phoenix. That's one reason I couldn't go to the funeral."

"Yeah. Alice was the other."

"That's not all. I knew you could do what she needed, not me. I wouldn't have had a clue. I would've said something wrong or done something stupid and made her feel worse. And I couldn't be there to see you take care of her how she needed right then, because it should have been me. I decided then that it was over between us. I could never be what she needed. You always hit the mark on that. I really thought you would have figured it out spending those days alone with her."

He paused and waited for me to stop gawking at him stupidly and respond. "Jazz, you're making my head spin. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"It's so obvious… Bella wanted _you_, Ed. Not me."

"You're cracked."

Chuckling, he shook his head. "Nope. I'm a realist. Take an honest look back some time, and you'll see it's the truth."

This had to be a joke. Had to be. But it was a cruel one, and Jasper wasn't a cruel man. He had done some stupid things – heartless things – but he was never cruel to me. As my pulse raced I stared at my brother across the table. I saw the guy who'd carried me home on his back when I'd tore my knees open after a bad fall. The guy who'd pushed the big kid who teased me mercilessly at the park into a mud puddle. The guy who gave me pep talks and always… always… made sure he told me I was good enough – for anything. Was that guy capable of being so vicious to me? Being so cruel as to make me think Bella had actually had deeper feelings for me than she truly did? Was the brother I had always known and admired not at all what I thought him to be? I searched his eyes for the truth. I only saw compassion and regret. Not one ounce of cruelty.

"Ed… I fucked up back then. Big time. With Bella, and with you. I'm not looking to repeat that. I know that you know Bella better than anyone, so I have complete faith that you know what you're doing. I won't waste another second wondering if you're being taken advantage of. You know what you're getting into." He waited for a response that didn't come. "This is me admitting I was wrong and begging you to forget I could even think you couldn't handle this."

A numb sensation was coursing through me. My limbs felt like rubber, the rest of me like cement. All but my heart that continued to thump away in my chest. He was waiting for a response. "Okay," I mumbled.

"I'm glad we had this talk though. I'm seeing things completely different. It's like we've got a second chance to set things right – to make it how it was always supposed to be."

"What are you talking about?" I couldn't take it anymore. My thoughts were swirling in the fog, pieces of now and then getting mixed up until nothing at all made sense to me.

"You and Bella. I want you to know that I'm over it – the whole jealousy thing. If you want to be with her, I'm fine with it."

"You're fine with it?" Although my heart continued to beat up my insides, my head was suddenly clear. And raging. It mustn't have shown on my face because my brother was smiling at me.

"Yeah, man! Go for it!"

Go for it? Like Bella's an acquisition? If I'd heard correctly, he had just confessed that Bella had always had feelings for me other than friendship, and now he was giving me permission to act on my own supressed feelings? "You're giving me permission? Is that right?"

He frowned. "Not permission –"

I nodded, shoving my chair back hastily. I reached for my wallet and tossed some bills on the table to pay for our meal. I didn't want to say more – something I'd regret. "I've got to get to work. Thanks for lunch. Um… tell Alice goodbye. It was good seeing you."

"That's it? You're not going to say anything else?" Jasper stood to walk out with me.

I waited until we were outside, sucking in some of the cool air to calm myself down. "Yeah. I do need to say something else actually." I looked up and down the street, anywhere to avoid looking at my brother. "It's great that you're 'fine with it'. Great. Just so you know, I don't know what's going to happen with Bella. Or the baby. Or Bella _and_ the baby… I just don't know. I do know that whatever becomes of it, I don't need your approval." I set my jaw stubbornly, risking a glance at him. He was suitably shocked by my statement, but there was something more.

"You know something, Ed? I have never been more proud of you than at this very moment. Fuck, yeah!" He threw his arms around me, slapping me on the back with all his might. "I have underestimated you for the very last time."

Despite my comments to him, it was clear that I did in fact need his approval. Right or wrong, his approval of me – of the man I'd grown to be – meant everything to me.

~ 0 ~

Luckily, my shift was short one dispatcher, so there was steady work to keep me occupied. I wasn't so lucky once I went home. I felt sick. Not pneumonia or bronchitis sick – nervous sick. I hated arguing with my brother, no matter the outcome. Then there were the things he'd said to consider. The stuff about Bella and how she'd always wanted me. Sure, it was obvious that we were better friends than they ever were, but what exactly did he mean by 'wanted me'. Romantically? No way. Physically, she was attracted to Jasper, my polar opposite. She couldn't have 'wanted me' that way.

Could she?

Had she said so? Or was Jasper just assuming because of the comparisons she made early on, or our close friendship? He'd said it was obvious, but to whom? Certainly not to me, and if Rosalie ever caught on, she'd never said anything about it. She would have told me.

Wouldn't she?

I stayed awake for hours thinking back. The last thing I thought about before sleep finally took me was the vow Jasper and I had made to never let a girl come between us. By giving his permission, I think he had paved the way so that wouldn't happen.

Hadn't he?

~ 0 ~

"Good afternoon!" Bella smiled and waved from the kitchen as I made my way to the bathroom. I grunted a greeting of my own and disappeared. In the shower I talked myself down.

_She's still the same as she was yesterday. Nothing's changed._

But everything had changed, and I wasn't sure how to deal with that. I wanted to rush out and take her in my arms, finally professing the love I'd carried for her for a decade. It was overdue. Sensibility told me to take it slow. Even if she had felt more than friendship all those years ago, it didn't mean she still felt the same. Now was not the time to pressure her into something more than she wanted.

Even if she did want it, she had enough to deal with in regards to the baby and her health.

No. I couldn't add to her stress.

_Nothing's changed. Go out there and smile. Compliment her for not plowing Alice – for being so gracious and mature about everything. _

_And tell her she's pretty._

I caught my reflection in the mirror. I was smiling. And blushing. God damn it!

"Wow, it smells great out here! Is it really that late in the afternoon?"

Bella removed a pan of lasagna from the oven. "I figured you'd be hungry whenever you woke up, so we'll eat dinner early. Is that okay?"

"Perfect! Thank you." I went over to take a deeper inhalation of her heaven in a pan and moaned my appreciation. "It looks great." And then I remembered my pep talk. "So do you. You slept well I take it? You were out cold when I got home."

Bella's cheeks were as flushed as mine had been moments ago when she looked up at me. "I did sleep well, I suppose. The bed… your bed… smelled like you from our nap." She tittered, shaking her head. "Pregnancy. Enhanced sense of smell." She busied herself tossing a salad. "I tried to wait up for you. I guess I didn't make it. Sorry."

"You need your sleep, Bella. Here, let me help with that." I took the bowl from her and tossed as she poured the dressing.

"How was your lunch/dinner thing with Jazz?"

I dropped the bowl.

Bella laughed. "Well, still clumsy, but lucky. It landed right-side up!"

I mopped up the little bit of splatter around the salad's landing spot so Bella wouldn't slip later on. "It was… interesting."

"I had an interesting evening as well." She sliced the lasagna into perfect squares and prepared our plates. "I had a visitor."

"Oh?" I took the plates from her to set them on the breakfast bar. She didn't know anyone in Port Angeles except Rosalie and Emmett. Emmett was working. Rosalie would have been glued to Emily and entertaining Alice while Jasper was with me... Shit! "Please tell me Alice didn't take the opportunity to come bond with you."

Bella laughed, shaking her head. "No. I have a feeling that's still to come, but no, it didn't happen last night."

_Compliment her on how she handled Alice…_ "By the way, you went above and beyond with her. That couldn't have been easy. For what it's worth, she was nervous. I've never seen her unsure of herself around another woman. I don't think you'll have to worry about her meddling the way she did with me in the beginning."

"She meddled?" Bella seemed to be glowing. Her entire face was lit up in a smile. Her eyes were clear and bright and so very content looking. "I only met her that one time – at the party. I don't really know anything about her other than she can talk a lot."

I nodded in confirmation. "She can. She means well. It took me a long time to get used to her. She can be a bit much, but when she's devoted, there's no stopping her. She'd do anything for anyone in the family."

Bella continued smiling as she started into her salad. She didn't comment further on Alice.

"Sorry. I completely went off on a different subject! So who was your visitor? Do you mind me asking?"

"Not at all," she replied casually. "Lauren dropped by."

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Don't hate me for the cliffie! Or for bringing back Lauren... she's not really back. Well, you'll see. To make up for it, I offer up a rec for a fun and tittalating (*snickers*) very quick piece of writing. Like your Edward in glasses? Like him cheeky? Like him just plain hot but oh-so-sweet? Like humour and witty banter and no shortage of lemons? BilliCullen has provided us with the best of the above with Game Show: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/7768146/1/GAME_SHOW (or check it out through my favorites). Srsly, it's such a treat, you all should read. And so you know, it's probably not the best thing to read covertly at work. Just sayin'. LOL _

_Shug is my beta-reader supreme. msj is my glue, my rock, and inspiration. Oh, and pre-reader. ;) And my readers are the sweetest motivators ever! It means so much that you take the time to read, and comment, even when I completely slack off on replies. There were so many comments that made me giggle, smile and say 'Hale yeah!'. You all rock in a huge way. Thanks so much. XX ~ SR_


	17. Chapter 16

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 16**

I pushed myself away from the breakfast bar, clearing myself from any further accidents. "Did you say Lauren was here?"

"Yep." Her fork stabbed at a mound of lettuce on her plate and continued into her mouth. She crunched away as though it was nothing. My very recently-ex-girlfriend had dropped in for a visit while I was not home. Sure. That happened all the time.

"So… how did…" My hand flew to my neck, rubbing at it to make sure my head would stay upright and not drop to the marble countertop. "What was that like?"

"Your voice is squeaking. You sound fourteen."

I gulped. And creaked some more. "I know." Clearing my throat, I reached for my water. "I know. Was it… bad? Did she say anything?"

Bella shrugged. "It was unexpected, for sure. And yeah, she said some stuff."

"Bella! You're driving me nuts!" I released my neck and gripped her arm, stopping it halfway to her mouth. She stared at me. "Sorry. Eat."

Taking the forkful into her mouth, she set the fork down. Chewed. Swallowed. Sipped some water. Wiped her mouth. I wanted to shake her.

"Are you going to tell me what happened with Jazz?"

"If you tell me what happened with Lauren," I bartered. "You fir–"

"You first!"

We both laughed at our identical outbursts. It felt good to release the tension. As soon as the laughter stopped however, the tension was back. How much should I divulge? She'd be hurt if she knew my brother thought she was using me. Yet to come out and ask her about the arguments she'd had with him back in the day over me seemed absurd.

I went with the least abrasive bit. "He said you looked really well. He wants you to be happy."

She smiled coyly. "That's really interesting, Edward. Now what did he really say?"

"He said that! And… some other stuff."

She held her hands up. "I get it. Brother talk."

"Sort of," I said quietly. "Listen, this dinner is too good to waste, and it's not the same cold. Let's eat, and then we'll go talk."

"Deal!" Her mouth was already full before I could even turn back to my plate. At least Lauren hadn't upset her appetite.

~ 0 ~

I insisted on cleaning up after dinner while Bella rested. She curled up on the couch and waited for me. I didn't rush – I wasn't in a hurry to embarrass myself.

"Need anything?" I called out once I'd wiped down every possible surface in the kitchen, including mopping and drying the floor.

"Nope. Come sit down!" She tucked her legs under herself, her arm and head resting on the back of the couch. When I sat, her hand massaged my neck.

An unintentional groan came out. "Sorry. My god, that feels good."

"Yeah? Turn around. I'll give you a good rub down."

We both turned sideways. Bella slipping her legs on either side of me as she took hold of my shoulders. "I should be doing this for you," I mumbled in bliss.

"You do enough for me, Edward. Just relax and let me do this." Her thumbs were hitting an amazing pressure point. Each time she pressed down, I emitted a small grunt. "Okay, you may be enjoying this a bit too much!" She laughed at me. Her head was so close to my neck. I could feel her breath against my skin, and it made me shiver. "Are you cold?"

"No." My fourteen-year-old voice returned. "Do you think Emily's cute?"

Bella laughed again. I shivered again. "You'd think I'd be used to your random thoughts by now, but you still surprise me. Yeah, she's adorable."

"Did you see the pictures of when she was younger? Am I wrong that she wasn't very attractive?"

"Was Jasper upset that you said that?" Her hands stopped moving on my shoulders.

"No. I'm just wondering if I'm wrong about it." I sighed as her massage resumed.

"Probably not. But, Edward… I believe that all parents think their baby is the most beautiful thing in the world, regardless of what others see."

"I suppose. My parents still took me after they saw me. They had other options. Jasper was concerned about me being around your baby. It's ridiculous, because Rosalie told him about the surrogacy and he knows you don't know what you're going to do yet."

"It's a unique situation. I guess it's natural for your brother to be concerned," Bella commented softly.

"You know I'll see you through whatever you decide, right? I mean, I'll be here for you."

"Did you argue about that? Tell me honestly."

"A little," I admitted quietly. I intended to keep the painful parts from her, but I didn't want to outright lie. "He gets it now. It's all right between us."

"He doesn't approve of me living here with you, does he?"

I grunted loudly as she hit a fantastic spot. "Okay. You've gotta stop that or commit yourself to being attached to my shoulders for life." I moved forward enough to ease her leg out from behind me so I could sit properly and placed her legs across my lap. "He actually does. Approve. Of everything." I couldn't look her in the eye, so I focused on her legs. They looked so smooth and soft. Her ankles were slightly swollen. I poked at them. "Is this something we should be concerned about? Should we call your nephrologist?"

"It's normal," she assured me gently. "I think it's more pregnancy related than renal. Lauren returned your key and a bag of your things from her apartment. I put them in your room."

My hands ran up her shins and back down to her ankles, seeing for themselves how soft her skin really was. "Thanks. Was that all?"

"She brought some homemade frozen yogurt, too. She thought I'd like it."

I hummed, beginning to rub her calves. "It is good. I like the banana one she makes. It's all organic. It'll be good for the baby."

"That's what she thought. It was nice of her."

Nodding, I delved into her leg massage with more enthusiasm. "Did she upset you at all?"

"Oh! Right there… keep doing that."

I smiled as I saw her euphoric expression. She was resting back against a stack of pillows, her eyes closed. It pleased me to know I could make her feel good.

"I was a little afraid when I opened the door and saw her. I thought she was here to give me shit. I don't want to be thought of as a home wrecker."

"You're not," I assured her softly.

Her head moved up and down in agreement. "I feel better about that now – after our talk. I told her there was nothing between us… you're… you've always been… my friend."

I concentrated on the massage, willing the lump in my throat to disappear. What she said was not untrue, but I couldn't help but think about what Jasper had said. Is that really how she wanted us to be? Friends?

"My best friend," she whispered. "Edward?"

"Yes, Bella. What is it?" I took one tiny foot in my hands and went to work on that.

"That feels amazing. And I'm not going to tell you to stop."

I chuckled, working harder to please her. "Okay."

"Lauren feels like there should be more to it," she announced. "More to _us_. Like there's some unbreakable bond that nothing can touch. That no one can get in between. What do you think?"

I tried to ignore my thundering heart and will my hands not to shake. I didn't have a clue what she expected me to say, and I didn't want to blow it. I couldn't risk speaking. Bella rescued me.

"I think I'm the luckiest girl in the world. And you have very skilled hands. I could fall asleep like this."

"You're tired," I commented, amazed that my voice was normal. "We should get you into bed."

Bella let out an odd little chuckle. "Edward?"

"Yes, Bella." My voice betrayed me and came out as a growl.

"I want you to sleep in your own bed."

The foot massage ended abruptly. "You are _the_ most stubborn woman! We've been over this. I gave you the room that was best for you. Period. I'm not letting you switch rooms, so deal with it."

She looked at me demurely. "I wasn't proposing that I switch rooms."

"Oh." I felt like an ass for jumping to conclusions… wait… "Oh! You want me to sleep…"

"With me. Yes. I sleep better when you're next to me. I think you do too."

"Oh! Yeah… I do. Yeah. Um…" I started laughing, feeling my face aglow with embarrassment. "Should we do that now?"

"If you're ready."

_Am I? _

She saw my hesitation and frowned a little. "You're probably not. You haven't been up very long. You slept late."

"No, I didn't really. I mean, I did… but I didn't go to sleep until late. I only had a few hours, really. I could sleep." Even if I couldn't, I could certainly manage to lie there watching Bella.

"All right. I'll just go… get ready." She headed for the bedroom, grabbed what she needed and went to the bathroom leaving me near hyperventilation on the couch. We'd slept together before, of course, but this felt different. When I heard the shower turn on, it _really_ felt different.

~ 0 ~

"Edward, come on!" Bella laughed at me from the bed. My bed. Our bed? I was hovering near the doorway after brushing my teeth. I could smell her soapy scent from where I stood. She was already in bed, brushing out her damp hair, but it felt odd just going and climbing in with her. She flipped the sheet down on the vacant side of the bed.

I padded over and climbed in hurriedly before I lost my nerve. I removed my glasses and set them on the table beside the bed. Lying perfectly stiff and still, I stared at the blurry ceiling above me. "Is there a cobweb up there?"

Bella looked up. "Nope. It's your eyes."

"Whew."

"You're sleeping like that?"

"On my back? Yeah, why?"

She chuckled, setting her hairbrush down. "Fully clothed."

"Oh." One glance to the side showed me she was in the little blue nightie she often wore. I liked the way it gathered beneath her breasts and fell over her belly. It always rode up in the front from the size of the baby bump, sitting well above her knees. She had great legs. Long and smooth. I wondered how far up it rode when she was lying down.

"I've seen you in your underwear, Edward. No reason to be shy now."

"Right." I chuckled as I sat up and pulled my t-shirt over my head. I tossed it on the floor and lifted my hips to tug my sweatpants down. "Feel better?" I teased her as I drew the blankets up to cover myself.

She laughed softly, turning onto her side to face me. "I do."

"I'm sorry Lauren made you feel anxious when she showed up. I should have been here to deal with that."

"Well, she wasn't mean or anything, so I dealt."

"But if she had been…"

Bella hummed in silent thought.

"Would you have pinched her?" I teased.

"Certainly not!" She burst into laughter, burying her face. "I never should have told you that!"

"A big ol' toe pinch, best line of defence."

"Stop!" She continued laughing. "You love teasing me!"

"I do, because it makes you laugh, and your laugh is the best sound in the world."

Her laugh ended abruptly with a sniffle. One look confirmed she was now crying. "Shit, Bella! I'm sorry!" I turned onto my side and brushed away a tear. They were coming fast. "I'll stop teasing you."

She chuckled through her tears. "This is just pregnancy hormones, Edward."

"So I shouldn't stop?"

"Being you? Never."

"Would you have pinched her?"

Bella bubbled over in emotions, crying and laughing at once. "In a flash if she had hurt you."

"Same."

"You can't toe pinch," she reminded me.

"I'd learn how to if it meant I could protect you."

"Edward…" She rested her forehead against mine. "I never feel safer than when I'm with you."

"Only because you know I can't toe pinch you."

"Stop teasing me now."

"Okay."

"Thank you, Edward."

"For what?"

She hesitated. "Everything. Good night."

"Good night, Bella." _And thank you for making everything so easy for me._ I didn't feel any pressure to change things. I simply enjoyed lying with her, and I slept.

~ 0 ~

"Going out?" I looked up from my computer when Bella passed by. She had staying-in clothes and going-out clothes, I'd noticed more over the past couple of weeks. Alice had been right – her belly was expanding rapidly. It was nearing beach ball size.

"I have a check-up." She rifled through her purse, making sure she had everything.

"Oh." I clicked over to my calendar. Nothing was marked. I made sure I noted her appointments so I could adjust my shifts to be there with her. "Is something wrong? I don't have it marked down."

"It's a baby check-up. Not me." She smiled at me. "I'm fine."

"You should have told me! I'll go with you if you give me a minute." I too, was in my staying-in clothes since I was off for the day.

"I didn't want to bother you with this."

I was already on my feet. "It's no bother. Two minutes. Tops." I hurriedly brushed my teeth as I ran a hand through my hair. I removed my glasses and popped my contacts in before running to the bedroom for some decent clothes. I ran back out, pocketing my phone and reaching for my keys. "Let's go!"

Bella seemed on edge as we sat in the waiting room. Well, she sat – I stood. It was packed full of pregnant women. I didn't want to take up a seat.

"Ms Swan? Dr Meyer will see you today," the receptionist called out. "Dr Molina was called for a delivery."

"That's fine, thanks." I gave Bella my arm so she could haul herself out of the chair.

"Your husband can come in with you."

Bella and I looked at each other awkwardly. "You don't –"

"Can I?"

We snickered, talking over each other as we frequently did. She nodded, and I placed my hand on her back as we walked into the exam room.

"Hello, Bella? I'm Dr Meyer." A friendly-looking woman entered, extending her hand to Bella. "Your sample looks good." She pulled the test strip out of Bella's urine cup. "Let's have a listen, shall we? Can you lie back?"

I stepped aside while Bella lifted her shirt, and the doctor placed her stethoscope on her. I felt out of place watching her feel around Bella's bared stomach. It felt wrong to look, but I couldn't pull my eyes away. She pulled over a machine and clicked some switches as she picked up a transducer. "Does Dad want to have a listen today, too?"

Neither of us corrected her as the sound of the baby's heartbeat filled the room. Bella remained completely still, but a broad grin spread across my face. "It's slower than it was before – the heartbeat. In the hospital it was always fast."

Dr Meyer grinned at me. "Observant. Yes, it would be more regular now that the baby isn't under stress. He's doing just fine! Actually… do you want to have a look?" She squirted more jelly onto her belly and picked up a different wand, clicking some more buttons on the ultrasound machine before she turned the screen to face Bella. "Come on over and see this little guy."

Bella smiled her approval before I moved towards her. I took her hand as I peeked at the screen. And there he was – a shadowed, balled up baby. I'd seen ultrasound images of babies when I was doing my training, but they had always been little bean-shaped things. This was an actual baby.

"He looks big," I said in wonderment.

"About six pounds at this point, I'd say," the doctor stated.

"He's sucking his thumb!"

"Ah!" Bella's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh my god! He is! That's so cool!"

"It's amazing! He's amazing." I couldn't take my eyes off him. Bella gripped my hand with both of hers, and I finally looked over at her. Her lip was trembling as she watched him squirm around on the screen.

"Here's a shot to go," Dr Meyer reached for a print out. "Thumb still in mouth. Perfect memory. You're doing just fine, Bella. The baby looks good. The placenta is healthy. You should have no problems at all. We're probably looking at four more weeks, so be sure to schedule another appointment here for next week. We'll keep a close eye on him. And you should probably follow up with some more renal tests as well. Your specialist may want another round of dialysis before you deliver. Any questions?"

_Are all babies this amazing?_ I smiled and gave Bella's hand one final squeeze before letting it go. I was impressed that I'd managed to not blurt that out loud. I stepped aside while Bella wiped the goop off her belly and sat up. They discussed some dietary issues and weight gain. My eyes were glued to the frozen image on the screen. It was like he was staring right back at me, only his eyes were closed. He looked really peaceful. Comfortable.

"Edward? Are you ready?" Bella tugged on my arm, drawing my attention from the screen.

"Yeah. I'm ready. Hungry?"

"Starving!"

We headed for the café a few doors down and feasted. Bella was quiet, but I couldn't shut up about the baby. She let me blabber on without interrupting. I had the ultrasound image tucked safely away in my breast pocket, and I pulled it out to take another look.

"I swear he's cuter than Emily was. I didn't see her like this – she was just a blob in the one Jazz showed off. He had to point out her head. This guy is like… an actual little person! He is so cool!" I dropped my fork down on the table, reaching for my phone. "I completely forgot I had this. I recorded him when you were still in the hospital. Want to hear what his heartbeat was like then?"

It took me a moment before I realized that Bella was no longer placating me with silence. Her eyes were downcast, and she looked sad. I was afraid she was about to start crying again.

"Want to go?" I asked quietly, putting the image and my phone away. She nodded and let me help her with her jacket.

Outside, she finally spoke. "You're getting attached."

"Am I? I just… it's… overwhelming… seeing him like that."

She nodded, chewing on her lip. "Imagine when he's born," she said softly. "You recorded him. You never told me that. I didn't think you wanted me to… I thought you were on my dad's side about the baby early on. You recorded him," she repeated. "And you've kept it."

I had no explanation for that. I couldn't even explain to myself why I'd done that.

"Edward, I want to talk to you about something. I had this idea… but I want to run it past you."

"Sure. You know I'll stand by you no matter what you decide to do. What are you thinking about?"

"I can't give him to strangers. I just can't."

"That's understandable." My stomach rolled with nervousness. I had a feeling she was going to tell me she wanted to raise the baby herself. Was I all right with that? Could I stand by her through that? I would. But would I be any good at it? The idea was slightly more appealing now that I'd seen him. Still, it made me queasy thinking about a baby living with me. The messes. The noise. The confusion and constant neediness.

"Do you think… I know Rose and Em want a family…" Her voice quivered, and she wiped away a tear. "God… I'm sorry. This is so hard."

"Take your time." I pulled her off the sidewalk in between some buildings, stroking her shoulders. I liked where she was going with this – a lot. But was it hard because she was having second thoughts about giving the baby up, or because she didn't know if they would go for it?

"Do you think they'd want him, Edward? Would they take him?" Tears streamed down her face as she looked up at me.

"I think it's worth discussing," I told her gently. "Would you be able to give him up? Are you okay with that?"

"He's not mine, Edward! He's never been mine. I know Rosalie and Emmett would take care of him. They would be the parents he needs since his are gone. Do you think they're ready? Have they even considered adopting? I don't want them to feel like I'm pushing this on them."

I chuckled, dropping my forehead to hers. "I think they'd be ecstatic about this. Truly."

"Yeah?" Her face brightened, and she smiled at me. "You think it's worth talking about? Would you come with me? I want you there when I ask them."

"I'll be there," I vowed. She fell against me, her hands gripping my shirt under my jacket. It reminded me of when she'd clung to me in Phoenix after Gran's death. I liked when she did that. It made me feel needed.

~ 0 ~

I found out when Rose and Emmett's next days off together were and booked myself off. We picked up some Chinese take-out and went to their house.

"I know take-out's lame. I promise I'll cook for you when I can comfortably reach the stovetop." Bella laughed as she patted her large stomach.

Rosalie hugged her warmly. "Well personally, I love Chinese, and Emmett just loves food, period. And we didn't have to cook! This is great!"

We enjoyed the meal together, chatting and laughing easily throughout. It was a really warm evening and dry enough to sit out on the patio after dinner.

"Help us decide what we're going to do for vacation." Rosalie spread a bunch of travel guides out on the table. "Emmett wants to do a safari. I'm thinking something that involves more beaches and Daiquiris. What do you guys think?"

I glanced at Bella. I knew she was nervous about broaching the subject of adoption. I figured it was better to get it over with. "Actually, you might want to put off both. Bella wanted to talk to you about something."

"What's up, Baby Momma?" Emmett tipped back in his chair, looping his hands behind his head. "You thinking couples' vacation?"

"Emmett!" Rose swatted him as he laughed. "Ignore that, Bella. What's on your mind? We won't be going until the end of the summer. We want to be there when the baby's born."

"Yeah, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about." Bella took a deep breath glancing over at me. I took hold of her hand to encourage her on. "It's getting really close, and I'm more than a little anxious because I don't know what's going to happen once he's here."

My sister smiled warmly at her. "You'll figure it out, honey. Everything happens for a reason, and I know you'll make the right decision."

"Well, I'm hoping to resolve that." Bella sucked in her lip, looking from Rose to Emmett. "You two were a huge part of keeping this baby safe and healthy. You were his advocates even before you knew the situation, and that means so much to me. You didn't have to do that – you didn't have to involve yourself with me. None of you had to, but you did. It feels like it's part of that 'everything happens for a reason'.

"Gianna was so thrilled when the in vitro took the first time – like it was meant to be. It felt really great to be able to do this for them. They were amazing people and would have made the best parents."

I noticed my sister's eyes getting misty. She could identify completely with Gianna's desire for a child.

"I know I'm taking the long road around this, but I am getting to my point… which is you two would make the best parents as well. I've been so torn up about what to do. I intended to honour my arrangements with Gianna and Marcus no matter what, but I need to know that I'm really following through – that I'm doing what they would want for their son. I think they would want him to have a family and home like you could provide."

Rosalie's hands flew to her mouth. She was trembling. "Bella…"

"Please don't feel like you have to do this or even consider it. I don't know if you two have even considered adoption, or if the timing is right, or even if you'd want _this_ baby… I do know that I couldn't want any better parents for him than you." She was doing really well with this. Releasing her hand, I slipped my arm around her shoulder. Her hand rested on my leg. "Is it something you would consider? Would you raise this baby as yours?"

Rosalie gasped, pinching her eyes closed as the floodgates opened. "Oh my god…"

"You don't have to answer now, of course. Talk about it, give it some thought. I know I'm throwing this at you at the last minute, I'm sorry for that."

"He would be ours?" Emmett spoke up for the first time since Bella began her speech. "A legal adoption?"

Bella nodded. "When his biological parents died, it left me with all legal rights to decide his fate. It would be as though I'm arranging a private adoption for my own baby."

Rosalie looked at her husband. The tears had stopped and there was hope shimmering in her eyes. "Honey…?"

"We've avoided adoption because of the option for the birth parents to back out. Rosalie has suffered enough without having another hope taken away."

"The birth parents aren't here, Em. It's just me, desperately needing parents I trust for their baby. You don't have to decide now." Bella reiterated. "I just wanted to give you the option. Will you think about it?"

"We don't have to," Emmett stated with assuredness. "We're going to have a baby. A son. Rosie… we'll have a little boy."

"Bella? You're sure about this?"

"Positive!"

My eyes fluttered between the three of them. Bella looking proud and relieved, Rosalie looking like she'd been handed a miracle, and Emmett reneging on his vow to never cry over a baby. He was openly weeping as he clumsily reached for his wife.

"It's happening, baby. We're going to have our own son. Thank you, Bella. I can't… we can never repay you for this gift."

"Just take care of him, Em. And be happy. I know Gianna and Marcus would approve."

"Thank you!" Both Rosalie and Emmett latched onto to Bella – one from the side and the other from behind. I'd never been witness to three such elated people. I wondered if the little guy was as happy, or peacefully unaware of this life-altering change.

"Hey, do you want to see him?"

"Edward has his picture!" Bella announcing, beaming. "It's great! He's been carrying it around since we got it last week. You're going to love this!"

Proudly, I extracted the shadowy image of the perfect little human and passed it to his new parents-to-be. "He's a thumb-sucker."

"Just like his Uncle Edward!" Rosalie teased, planting a big kiss on my cheek. "And so you know, if you ever call my kid ugly, I won't be as nice as Alice. I'll pound you."

We all had a good laugh. Little did they know I already thought he was the most beautiful creation ever.

~ 0 ~

The next weeks sped by. Dad had asked a lawyer friend of his to represent Rose and Emmett so there wouldn't be a conflict of interests with him drawing up the adoption papers himself. Between lawyers and doctors and very excitable parents-to-be, we barely had time to ourselves. I appreciated sharing my bed with Bella more than ever. She wasn't sleeping very comfortably, so I liked being right there to position pillows for her or work out knots in her back. She was just as anxious to have Rosalie and Emmett take over as caregivers for the little guy as they were. Now we just had to get through the birth. The delivery itself still scared the life out of me. I wasn't sleeping much myself.

The day before her due date, I rushed home from work to find Bella on the couch, chewing on her lip.

"What's wrong?" I raced over, dropping to my knees in front of her.

"My dad's coming for a visit."

I sighed in heavy relief. "That's it? I thought something was wrong!"

"He's coming for the birth, Edward. He doesn't comprehend that it's an _expected_ due date, not firm. He's staying until I have the baby."

"Okay. Why is that a problem? Are you still upset over the way he reacted towards the baby in the beginning? You know that was stress. He's over it now. He just wants to see that you come through it well."

"I know." Her bottom lip disappeared again. "You're fine with Dad staying here?"

"Yeah. Charlie's not a problem for me."

"Okay. What do you suppose Charlie will think of our sleeping arrangements?"

That got me. "Huh." I tugged at my hair as I sat back on my heels. "I see your point. I could stay with –"

"Me," Bella interrupted. "You're staying with me."

Chuckling, I nudged her foot with my knee.

"Wait, who were you going to say you'd stay with? Lauren?"

I lifted an eyebrow in disbelief. "Seriously?"

"Sorry… I don't know where that came from. Jealousy isn't usually an issue with me."

_She'd be jealous?_ I was unsuccessful holding back my grin, even when she kicked me.

"Don't gloat, Edward. We have to figure this out. He'll be here in the morning."

"I was going to say I'd crash at Rose and Em's, but seeing as you insist I be with you…" Yeah, I really felt like gloating. "I'll just take the couch. It's not a problem. It's actually good that he's coming. Then I don't have to worry about you being alone when I'm at work. I don't want to miss any time, because I'll need to use up my remaining vacation days when it's actually time. How do you feel anyway? Think it'll be soon?"

Groaning, she collapsed back and slumped down, driving her pelvis towards me. "God, I hope so. He's so low. It hurts to sit!"

"Lie down then." I stood, feeling awkward about having her goods so close to my face anyway. I propped up some pillows and made her comfortable.

"I made dinner earlier. We just have to heat it up," she told me with a wide yawn.

"I'll do that while you rest."

"I should do it… you worked all day."

"Rest, Bella. Let me take care of you."

She snuggled in on her side, wearing a smug smirk of her own. "Take care of me if you insist."

I woke her for dinner, served her, and cleaned up before setting her up in bed.

"I'm going to miss this," she murmured. The moment I'd climbed in, she had snuggled up to me, resting her head on my shoulder. I placed my arm around her, stroking her back.

"It won't be for long. Charlie won't stick around after you're given a clean bill of health. I'll be with you in the hospital, just like before."

"And then?"

My hand froze on her back. I hadn't given a moment of thought as to what would happen once the baby was born since the adoption arrangements were made. Suddenly I was terrified that she would leave. Again. I wanted more time. I'd put off testing the waters about her true feelings for me for her sake, but I didn't want to relinquish that opportunity forever. I needed to know. "Once you're out of the hospital, we come home, and you continue to recuperate. And then you can decide what you're going to do."

"You won't kick me out?"

I chuckled, nuzzling against her hair. "Never."

"What happens once I've recuperated?"

"Whatever you want, Bella." I wanted her to stay with me, but I also wanted her to know she had options. "What do you want?"

Her hand on my chest gathered up the fabric of my t-shirt. "What do you want?" she asked softly.

_You. I want you. I've always wanted you. Only you._ I placed a tender kiss on the top of her head. "I want you to be happy. That's all."

"And what about you?" She tipped her head back to look at me. "You should be happy, Edward."

I smiled, stroking her cheek lightly. "I am. Don't you know that?"

She closed her eyes, the sweetest smile on her lips as she released my shirt and drew her hand up to my neck. "Me too."

We held each other that way all night – what I assumed to be our last night together until the baby's arrival. Once again, I didn't sleep. I wanted to be aware of every breath she took and the way her hand felt on my skin. Every touch – every sensation – was heightened to the point where I almost couldn't breathe. Along with that, dark thoughts crept in as I feared the worst. Life without Bella in any form would be the worst.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ There ya go. Rose and Emmett will have their baby. I'm envisioning many I-knew-it! dances going on. :-) Also anticipating the disappointment in Edward for not testing the waters with Bella. Well, I hear ya. I really do. This was another battle with Muse Edward. As frustrating as it is that Edward continuously puts others before himself, it's who he is, and he just won't push Bella into something he doesn't feel she's ready for with everything else going on in her life. I commiserated with Muse Bella for a while, but she informed me that this is one of Edward's most endearing traits and she's willing to wait for him. _

_Hey, do you know what's almost as good as an Edward who's willing to put his own desires aside for the woman he loves? It's having someone stay up to shoot off motivational messages to keep me from drowning in the sea of dicks and assholes during a particularly rotten work week. Hmm. Kind of makes my job sound really dirty or really interesting - I assure you, it's neither. LOL But this friend is seriously awesome. She kept me from pulling my hair out by the roots, or coming out of it entirely grey. I recommend everyone sending these types of messages - or RobPorn, whichever works best, ;-) - to your own very best good friend. _

_Thank you for reading. See you next week? I haven't done my final edit on the next chapter yet, so I can't even give you a hint on what's coming up. It'll be a surprise for me too. LOL Okay, shutting up now. XX ~ SR_


	18. Chapter 17

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 17**

I was up early, preparing the spare room once again for Charlie. Bella made some pancakes for us, and I quickly ate before leaving for work. She saw me to the door, giving me a hug.

"Don't go crazy in the kitchen today. Relax. Spend time with your dad. I can pick something up on the way home for us, or we can go out for dinner." I returned her hug with more enthusiasm than usual. "I mean it, Bella. Rest."

"Yes, sir." She snickered against me as she tipped her head back. Her lips performed an awkwardly placed kiss, landing somewhere between my earlobe and my jaw. Then she backed away quickly. "Have a good day at work. I'll see you tonight."

I was still blushing when I opened the door to leave. I hadn't blushed over a kiss since my first girlfriend.

"Edward! Good timing!"

"Charlie." I smiled at him in the hallway, and then Bella. "It's perfect timing. I'm off to work, and you can take care of your daughter all day."

"I intend to, son!" He slapped me on the back as we switched places. I gave Bella a wink before I closed the door on them.

The day dragged on and on. Several times I had to stop myself from calling to check up on her. Rosalie brought over some lunch for us to share at break time. That didn't ease my tension like it normally would. Seeing her so anxious just reminded me of what we all had to lose if something went wrong. I hated that I'd reverted to my old ways of negative thinking, but it couldn't be helped. I'd never been more frightened for everyone involved. But mostly for Bella.

I invited Rosalie and Emmett to come by after work, thinking it would take my mind off the negativity and give Bella a chance to escape her dad if she needed it. It backfired on me. The whole evening was spent with four anxious people watching Bella's every move, and her getting frustrated with us all. She stormed off to bed by eight, leaving three extra people sitting in what would be my bedroom until the birth. I wanted to go to her, but I figured I'd end up making it worse. Instead, I rudely fell asleep on my guests and woke to a darkened apartment with an impossibly stiff neck after snoozing for hours in a chair. What I wouldn't give for one of Bella's massages now.

By morning, I couldn't even turn my head. It sent spikes up through the back of my head, and I knew a migraine was imminent. It hit, full-force, by noon, and I stumbled home six hours after that, shaky and pale, and trying my damnedest not to vomit on the sidewalk. Bella recognized my symptoms immediately and sent me to lie down in 'her room.' Charlie had taken care of dinner – a fish fry. The odour worsened my nausea, and I wished for death to come quickly.

I managed a few hours of sleep after giving into the urge to spew. Charlie and Bella were watching some cop show when I crept out of the room. I gave them a wave before dashing to the bathroom. The air was still so thick with the smell of fish I barely made it to the toilet for the next round. Charlie had gone to bed when I finally came out. They had made up my bed on the couch. Night number two with Charlie as a houseguest was predominantly spent over the porcelain. I would never eat fucking fish for the rest of my life.

Somehow I made it through another day at work, fielding calls in between vomiting in my trash can, popping useless pills, and trying not envision Bella in the delivery room… on her death bed.

I could smell the stale, lingering odour of fish even outside my door when I got home. I banged my head against the doorframe a few times before I regretted that too.

"How long does that smell stick around?" I grumbled, out of earshot from Charlie.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. He tried to cover it up with Febreeze."

"Oh, fuck. Is that what that is?" I knew there was something else aggravating my sinuses.

"I know! I made him stop when I saw him spraying the room down. You can't sleep out here," she whispered to me.

"Well, you're not. Any sign of this baby coming out soon?"

She frowned, hugging herself.

"I'm sorry. It's not your fault." I placed my hand on her stomach and my forehead against hers. "It's not this guy's fault either. I don't mean to rush him. Hell, if I was in his place, I wouldn't want to leave either."

She snorted and then chuckled. "You know, he can probably smell Charlie's cooking in there too."

"Fuck… poor little guy! Oops. Guess I should watch my language. He can probably hear, too." It felt good to have a quiet moment with her, laughing.

Thankfully, everyone had gone to bed when dinner made its return visit on me later that night. I collapsed on the couch afterwards with my arms over my eyes. A throat cleared above me. I slid one arm away, discovering Charlie standing over me.

"Fish fry really isn't your thing, huh?"

My stomach rolled just from the mention of fish. "It's the migraine. Smells don't bother me otherwise."

"I'm guessing that's here to stay until Bella delivers." Charlie took a seat in the chair near my head. I had to turn to look at him, and that hurt, so I stopped that.

"Probably so."

"She had a little cramp this afternoon. Thought that was the start of it, but I guess not."

"She didn't mention that." That pissed me off more than a little. I wanted to know what was going on with her at all times.

"Yep. It passed, so we didn't call. What's your number again?"

"9-1-1," I replied dryly.

Charlie chuckled. "Even dead on your feet you've got that humour I can appreciate. How's everything going with Bella?"

"You're here with her, Charlie. Don't you talk when I'm at work?" Couldn't he talk in the morning… after I'd gone to work? I appreciated time with him as much as anyone, but I just wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

"Sure. Yeah. I just meant… ah, you know."

Bracing myself for the pain that would ensue, I twisted my head back to look at him. Yep, there was that knife piercing through my skull. I closed my eyes until the dizziness passed and then tried again. "I know… what, exactly? Please don't talk in code, Charlie. It hurts to think let alone decipher anyone's code talk."

He smirked. "Okay then. My daughter seems quite happy these days. Happier than I've seen her in years. I'd say in about a decade. I told you she made a mistake back then. She needs this… thing you have."

I sighed. He was still doing it. "What 'thing' do I have, Charlie?"

"Not _you_ – the two of you together. The friendship or whatever it is you're calling it. Is that what you call it?"

I grunted. "Are you asking me something specific?"

"It's really none of my business."

I stared at him. He looked straight ahead, avoiding me. I didn't respond, instead locking my eyes on him until he felt the burn of my gaze. His eyes shifted to me.

"Well, it's not. But I'm still curious to know if the two of you have come to your senses."

"About what, Dad?" Bella's voice startled us both. Charlie choked on air, and I bolted straight up on the couch, regretting the sudden movement immediately. Bella rushed to grab my shoulders and ease me back down. She placed a cool hand on my forehead as I closed my eyes.

"About moving to a place with better ventilation," Charlie grumbled, rising from his chair. "Fish shouldn't stick around an apartment this long."

Cue the rolling stomach.

"And while we're at it, how long are you going to make him suffer with sleeping out here? A man who suffers migraines the way he does shouldn't be getting a stiff neck, sleeping on the couch. Move back into your room, for Christ's sake." He chastised us both before crossing the room to return to bed. "Think I give a damn if you're sharing a bed?"

"Dad!"

"Isabella, please. If you're both too pigheaded to come out with it, I'll lay it out. He's good for you. Always has been. She cares about you, Edward. Always has. If the two of you can't see what you have right in front of you, then you're both goddamned stupid. But I know I didn't father a stupid child. If that wasn't clear enough, I'll _decode_ it further… Edward, get your ass up and go take care of my girl, and let her take care of you. It'll make these hellish days of waiting much more endurable. Good night."

Bella and I gawked at him as he slammed his door shut. "What the hell was that?"

"I believe your father just told me to go sleep with you."

The shock on her face changed into a smirk. "That's one problem solved. Come to bed."

She didn't have to ask twice. And she would never have to ask me again.

~ 0 ~

"To the left."

"Everything you own in the box to the left…" I broke into song briefly before Bella turned to glare at me. "Sorry. Beyonce moment. Here?"

"Down a bit… a bit more… and over… ahhhhh!" Bella moaned and wiggled as I scratched at the itch on her back. "Is it hot in here?" Suddenly, she was kicking off the blankets and fanning herself. "Is the heat on? It's insanely hot."

I shifted over on the bed. I knew from the previous times during the past couple of nights that she needed space and time to cool down. "No, Bella. It wasn't on at four, and it's not on now."

"It's me, isn't it?"

"It's you," I agreed with a smirk.

"Did you get any sleep? I must be driving you crazy."

"I slept enough. Probably more than you. I'll be good," I assured her gently before being hit with an undeniable urge to yawn. I rolled the other way and stretched dramatically so I could cover it.

"Liar." Bella belted the back of my head with one of her extra pillows. "It's not fair to you. You have to work, and you don't exactly have a job where you could doze off or just go through the motions. You need a good sleep."

The past three mornings had been similar to this. Three people in my apartment, all tense and worried and sleep deprived. I knew better than to ask Bella if she thought today would be the day. Charlie had asked her just before bed, and she nearly ripped his head off and then burst into tears. He and I had agreed to keep our heads down and just take Bella's lead so we wouldn't upset her.

"Edward, are you going to run off as soon as I go back to the hospital? Take a vacation from me and my insanity?"

I ran my hands down my face, scratching at the two-day growth of stubble as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. "Of course not. I told you I'd be right there with you."

"Then afterwards?"

"Do you _want_ me to leave, Bella?" I asked with a frustrated sigh. It was too early in the morning to go through this again.

"You need a vacation."

She must have missed my sigh, so I repeated it. Louder. And longer. "How many times are you going to tell me I need a vacation? You're making me feel like I'm in desperate need. I feel old. And withered. Do I look that bad?"

"I don't know… I'm annoying you, aren't I?"

I turned to face her. "You don't know if I look that bad?" Even though I knew I shouldn't, I couldn't resist teasing her. It could go either way – she could break down in tears or perk right up. Thankfully, it was the latter this time. A bright smile lit up her face.

"You know that's not what I meant. You know exactly how you good you look."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Do I?"

She rolled hers at me. "Please. Did you see those girls in the diner last night? They sat there with their eyes glued to you and their mouths hung open. I know you noticed them."

I had, in fact, noticed them. My keen listening skills that I'd mastered in school hadn't failed me so far. "Bella, those girls were no more than fifteen at the most."

"Ha! You did notice."

I blinked several times. "Fifteen, Bella. Tops. I don't make a habit of flirting with fifteen-year-old girls. In fact, I've never once in my life flirted with a fifteen-year-old girl. They still make me nervous."

"What about older girls?"

"What… women?" I snickered when I saw the colour flood into her cheeks. "Do I flirt with women? Is that what you're asking?" I took advantage of her blushing to tease her further. "I may have to do that… on my vacation."

She shot daggers at me with her eyes.

"Are you jealous?" I teased on.

She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "I told you I don't have issues with jealousy."

"Right. You did." I crawled across the bed until I was face-to-blood red-face with her. I braced myself with an arm on either side of her. She shifted nervously against the stacked pillows she was reclined against.

"I got up for a snack last night. I've got cheese breath. Morning cheese breath."

I ducked my head down to my chest, laughing at her. "Is that all that's making you nervous?"

"I'm not nervous!" she argued. "I'm just trying to save you from gagging. If you gag, I will too. It won't be pretty. And we don't have another set of sheets."

"We should get some," I replied calmly. I honestly loved how she always used 'we' and 'our' in regards to my household belongings. Her use of it now encouraged me to continue picking at her. "We'll do that after our vacation."

Her eyes flew up to meet mine. They showed shock whereas mine were filled with amusement.

"What do you consider flirting, Bella?" My morning voice dipped very low when I tried to speak softly. Her eyes widened. "I wouldn't want to do anything on vacation to make you jealous."

"I… I don't… get… jealous. Or nervous."

My smile widened as the sound of her own deepened voice gave her away. She was very capable of being both. "Much," I added to her statement. That was barely above a whisper and uttered mere inches from her face. Her dark eyes flicked back and forth across my face.

"No comment?" I goaded.

"You… you're…" Her breath tickled my cheek as she whispered her attempt to put me in my place. I snickered, lowering my face another inch so my nose nuzzled against her cheek. It was there only for a moment before her hands pushed against my chest. "A tease! A big, fat tease!"

I sat back on my legs, feigning hurt. "I used to be. I'm not anymore. It's not nice to bring up my fat days."

Bella rolled her eyes at me, seeing through the act. She struggled to sit herself fully upright, wiggling from side to side to find a way to do so. Finally, she growled in frustration and flopped herself back against the pillows. "Okay. You win this round. You've out-teased me. Now don't torment the fat woman anymore right now. I'm about to piss the bed. Help me up?"

Laughing, I climbed over her to get out of the bed on her side, then gave her a lift and helped her stand. "I really won?"

"You did. You've got mega flirting skills, Edward. I don't know how or when you learned you had it in you, but you win. You win!" She called over her shoulder as she dashed to the bathroom. I was left standing alone in my boxers, feeling quite proud that I had managed to get her worked up. Maybe, just maybe, she did have deeper feelings for me.

I took one last jab as we traded off places in the bathroom. As we passed each other, I dipped my head down and told her, "If I was really flirting in there, I wouldn't have cared about the morning cheese breath, you know." She stared at me, slack-jawed as I winked at her. I caught my self-satisfied smirk in the mirror before I climbed in the shower. Who needed sleep when Bella thought I flirted well? I was even somewhat certain that it had affected her in a good way. I would definitely be testing that out. I vowed that I would tone down the childish teasing we did with each other and see if she reacted to me as a man in other situations.

~ 0 ~

I was in the midst of a call, keeping a frantic mother calm while she waited for paramedics to arrive when my cell phone vibrated. The woman's son had choked on a piece of Lego. I'd advised her how to clear his airways, and she had managed to get the little block out, but she was currently more upset than he was. I kept my soothing voice going as I reached into my pocket to look at my caller ID. Rose. I left it.

A moment later, she called again. I tapped out a message quickly while I talked through my headset, _'On a call. I'll get back to you.' _My shift was almost over. This was probably my last call, so it wouldn't be too long before I could call her back. Moments later, it went off again. This time it was Charlie. The next two minutes until the paramedics were in place felt like two hours. Two calls from Rosalie and then Charlie could only mean something was happening with Bella. I could practically feel the blood draining out of my face as I wished the caller luck and said good-bye. My fingers trembled as I called Charlie back.

"We're at the hospital. I told Bella I'd call you." Charlie didn't waste time with pleasantries, and I was thankful for that.

"Is she okay? Is it the baby?"

"It's time, Edward."

"Yeah? For sure?"

"For sure."

"Okay… see you there."

The dispatcher across from me looked up from his screen. "All right, Edward?"

"Yeah. Uh, no. I have to… Bella's at the hospital!" I'd already confided in Ben about the situation. He and I often covered for each other when we needed time off or shifts changed.

He grinned over at me. "Go!"

"I have twenty-five minutes left."

"Go, man! I'll punch out for you. Get outta here!"

I nodded shakily, smiling at him as I gathered up my stuff. "Thanks, Ben. I owe you one." My feet pounded the pavement on the two blocks to the hospital. I tried calling Rose, but now she wasn't answering. I knew she'd be in Labour and Delivery, near the back of the building, so I cut through the parking lot to enter through the rear. I spotted Emmett instantly. He was shaking a vending machine with one hand while the other held two Snickers.

"Did it eat your change?" I asked him calmly as I dropped my bag at our feet.

"It won't release the damned Doritos! I paid for it, and it keeps giving me Snickers!"

I had never seen Emmett rattled by anything, much less getting the wrong snack from an automated dispenser. "Try hitting the Snickers button then." It made perfect sense to me that if A5 Doritos was dispensing B5 Snickers, then B5 should give up the Doritos.

Emmett beamed as the orange bag fell into the slot. "You're a genius. Want a Snickers?"

I shook my head as he extended the bars out to me. "Nah. Keep them for later. I can't eat right now. Where's Rose? She's here, right?"

He nodded, crunching on the chips. "She's in with Bella. Charlie's there too. They're taking her to surgery."

I looped my hands on top of my head, releasing a breath. Caesarean had already been discussed as an option when the time came. I was actually relieved that they had opted to go with the surgical route. To me, it seemed better controlled than if Bella were to deliver naturally. "Okay," I said, nodding. "This is good. It's happening. Rose will be in surgery with her?"

Emmett nodded as he lifted the bag to his mouth and dumped the remaining crumbs into it. He crumpled up the bag and tore into one of the Snickers bars. "Yep," he said around a mouthful of chocolate. "They'll only let one of us in, and we figure Bella would be more comfortable with Rosalie. Got any change?"

I patted my pockets. "Sure. What do you need?" He proceeded to point out three additional snack items, insisting he needed to stock up because there wasn't a machine like this in the OR waiting area. "You eat when you're nervous, huh?" I smirked at him.

"Shut the fuck up. You puke or pass out when you are. I'll make sure there's a trash can and a stretcher nearby, you just get the snacks for me."

I chuckled as I dropped my coins into the slot. I was glad I wasn't the only basket case on site. Somehow, it would relieve some of my tension if Emmett and I were looking out for each other. I knew he'd have my back, and I wouldn't let him down either. Some of my newfound calmness dissolved when I turned around and got a look at Charlie. If I thought he'd looked haggard and stressed after the accident, it was nothing compared to his current state.

"It's really happening." His voice was strained, his brow furrowed. He followed his statement with a heavy sigh and then a grunt. "It's happening. Dammit."

My eyes drifted to Emmett who looked torn between wanting to throttle Charlie for not throwing his support behind Bella from the start and trying not to cry in his own fear and excitement over it all.

"We should go to the other waiting area," I suggested in an attempt to relieve the tension in the room. "Want anything, Charlie?"

"Can't eat. How can you eat?" He glowered at Emmett who was stuffing the last third of his bar into his mouth.

"I eat when I'm nervous, okay? Shoot me."

Charlie's hand went to his waist. He huffed and shoved it in his pocket when he didn't find his holster there. Emmett and I exchanged a look and tried not to laugh. Retrieving my bag, I led them to the hall that would take us over to the OR. Bella was being wheeled out as we turned the corner.

"Edward!"

It was muffled by the oxygen mask, but I heard her call out. I ran up the hall to catch up with them.

"Wait!" She pleaded with the orderly to stop. "Just stop! Stop for a minute!" The oxygen mask was thrown to the side, and she attempted to sit, to no avail. "Edward!"

"I'm here," I assured her breathlessly as I arrived at her side. "I'm here. I made it." My hand went to her head, stroking her hair as I smiled down at her.

"Are you okay?" she whispered to me.

I snorted, dropping my head. "Don't worry about me, Bella. I'm supposed to be worrying about you right now."

"That's what worries me," she confessed. "I'm so glad you made it before they took me… I wanted to see you. Rose called."

"I know. I left work. Ran here. The treadmill paid off." I smiled for her, despite my growing anxiety. She needed to go in there concerned only with herself. I could be strong for Bella. I had to be.

"We should go, Bella. They're expecting us in the OR," Rosalie reminded her as she squeezed my arm. "Can you take care of Em?" she asked me softly. "He's kind of a mess."

I nodded. "We've already got a plan of action. Don't worry about us. Either of you." I turned my attention back to Bella. Her eyes were welling up with tears, and she was trembling. "Please don't worry, Bella. Go. Have a baby." My voice faltered, and my own eyes got misty.

"Edward?" Bella called out once more, her eyes pleading with me. "Is there anything you want to say? Can you tell me now?"

A tiny sound resembling a kitten's mewl came out. There was so much I wanted to say. So much I could tell her. I cleared my throat and leaned over her. "We'll talk after," I vowed. She needed to know that I had faith in her making it out of this. I was doing my damnedest to clear all thoughts of my own disastrous birth from my thoughts for Bella's sake. "I promise, I'll tell you everything you want to know after. Go have a baby." I placed a soft kiss on her damp forehead. "See you soon."

~ 0 ~

Charlie and Emmett provided perfect distractions from my own distress. They bickered like children during the brief and to-the-point surgery. This wasn't lengthy, like Bella's previous ones. It seemed as though I'd just got them to simmer down when Rosalie came out with the precious bundle in her arms. All three of us stood there like idiots, wondering where the hell she got the baby from.

"Well? Are you just going to stand there, or are you coming over to see him?" Rosalie was absolutely beaming. It was obvious she'd been crying, but her smile lit up her entire face. The only time I'd seen her even close to being like this was on her wedding day.

"That's him?" I was the first to speak or move. Emmett was next, rushing to his wife and new baby boy. Charlie was frozen on the spot, no indication of moving at the moment.

"Yes, this is him, Edward. Watch what you say," she warned me.

I looked at Charlie, then at my sister. I had to know first. I couldn't look at this baby until I knew Bella was…

"She's fine," Rosalie said softly. "Bella's doing just great. I stayed with her until they closed her up. She's in recovery now. And she's…"

"She's…" Charlie sputtered.

"Good?" I finished for him.

Rosalie snickered at us, choking back a sob at the same time. "Great."

Charlie dropped into the nearest chair, his shoulders hunched over as cradled his head. The sound of my thumping heart threatened to deafen me. Looking at Rose and Emmett, I could see their smiling lips moving as they talked softly, but I couldn't hear a word. If Rosalie's reassurance that Bella was not only alive but 'great' was the last thing I ever heard, I'd be all right with that.

My lungs forced air that I'd been holding out with a loud choking sound. All heads turned to look at me. For the first time since I was a teenager, my emotions were battling it out inside me. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or scream. It all came out, and as I unloaded, so did the men who'd waited with me. Emmett was flat-out bawling, and Charlie was near hysterics, tears leaking from his eyes as he laughed and laughed. Rosalie cradled their baby against her cheek, smiling like her life depended on it. When I got myself under control, I looked up and thanked God for giving me faith when I most needed it and offered my soul to whoever had made all of this possible by sparing Bella's life.

And then I went to meet him. The little guy who'd been kicking my side for the past couple weeks whenever I tried to sleep. The thumb-sucker. The most beautiful creation in the world. Emmett had his arms around Rosalie, who held the baby for dear life. Charlie was bent over, smiling at the bundled babe, apparently approving of him with his entire being now that Bella was safe. He stepped aside to let me have a look.

Only his little face and one tiny hand were exposed. His eyes were closed. His little mouth twitched slightly as he took a deep breath that turned into a yawn. They all snickered and cooed, just like everyone always did around Emily over every little thing. I simply stared at him. He had long lashes and a hint of soft brown eyebrows. There was a little fold in his chin and his fingers that were trying to find their way into his mouth were long. He had fingernails already. Did all babies have fingernails? His seemed quite long. I turned my head to examine his profile – he looked just like the ultrasound image. He really was that same little shadowy blob, only now he had skin. Perfect skin. Plump red lips and a tiny little nose. He was working very hard to find his thumb. I think the others were currently cooing over that. I'd blocked them out, mesmerized by this little wonder. Slowly, I reached in and took hold of his hand, pulling it away from his chin. He tried to curl up his fingers, and they ended up around one of mine. Very carefully, I guided his thumb towards his mouth, touching it to his lips. As he took it in, he released my finger from his grip. He was perfect. Incredible.

"What?" I asked when I became aware of all three adults staring at me.

Rosalie released a sob, blinking back tears. "You said he's perfect."

"I did?" What else had I said out loud?

"And… you… you let him hold your hand!"

I stared at the baby in wonderment. My smile grew as I admired him. I had let him hold my hand – sure, it was only one finger, but that's all he could manage. I hadn't even hesitated to reach for his hand. I hadn't flinched when he took hold of me. Somehow, I trusted this little guy. He'd struggled to survive until birth, and he hadn't harmed Bella in any way. If anything, he'd helped her through the loss of his genetic parents – her friends. We were on the same side, this tiny wonder and I. Both of us looking out for Bella.

~ 0 ~

"Hi."

Bella smiled sleepily from her hospital bed. "Hi."

I stepped further into the room, unable to take my eyes off her. She looked tired but remarkably good. The hum of the dialysis machine filled the silence between us. Her heart monitor indicated a strong beat. But it was her eyes that displayed the most vibrant life.

"How are you feeling?" I asked softly.

She sucked in her bottom lip, giving it some thought. "Accomplished."

I smiled at the unexpected response from her. "Accomplished," I repeated with a nod.

"Uh-huh. I saw this one right through. It was iffy there for a while."

I chuckled along with her. It certainly had been. "It is an accomplishment, Bella. You should be proud."

"Have you seen him?"

I nodded slowly. I didn't know what to expect from her at this point. She'd been hellishly moody – apparently a normal thing for pregnant women – but would that be over with now that she'd delivered the baby? Did I still have to watch my words? Would she still cry over the most inane things?

"He's healthy, right? No problems?"

"Yeah, yeah. He's great." I hesitated before asking my question. "Have you not seen him?"

She shook her head. "I gave up my chance in the OR. He's Rosalie's son. I wanted her to have him right from the start."

"You've made them incredibly happy, Bella. You know that, right?"

She smiled broadly, nodding.

There was no way to pose the next question other than directly, so I just came out with it. "Do you want to see him?"

She paused, chewing on her lip for a moment. "I do. Yeah. I think." She looked at me pleadingly. "Do I?"

I stepped closer and looped a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "You don't have to decide right now. Maybe you should rest, and then we'll see how you feel about it."

She reached for my hand, holding it with both of hers. "Will you tell me about him?"

I couldn't hold back the smile as I thought of him. "He's perfection. Seriously."

Bella chuckled softly, staring into my excited eyes. "He's not all wrinkly like a Pound Puppy?"

"Um…" I rubbed at my chin with my free hand, frowning as I considered that. "I don't think so. He's got a little bit of dry skin at his temples. I didn't see his head. He could be bald. Or wrinkly. I don't know. His face is angelic though." There was that smile again. "He looks really cute when he yawns."

"Edwarrrd… I think you're smitten with a baby," she sang out, teasing me.

"Shut up," I retorted, still smiling. I had never in my life taken the time to examine a newborn baby. To me, they were potential mother killers. If they were lucky, they'd grow up with two parents – happy. Healthy. Oblivious to the sorts of things that had plagued my mind as a child. I didn't know if it was because he had come from within Bella, but this baby was different. I didn't see him as lucky. He was treasured. Both blessed and a blessing.

"How've you been handling this? You seem calm." Bella's voice broke into my thoughts.

"Yeah. Yeah, I've been cool as a cucumber. No problem." I smirked, chuckling as I lowered my head. "Okay, I was scared shitless. But I was with two guys who were worse off than me for a change. I feel empowered."

Bella's sweet laughter rang out. "Accomplished and empowered. That's us."

"Yep." I joined in her laughter until her face scrunched up in pain. "What's wrong?"

She released my hand to grip her stomach. "After-pains, I suppose. The spinal is wearing off. I'm feeling the cramps again." I helped her position the pain button that would release a dose of morphine through her IV. She relaxed again soon after, looking ready for sleep. "Edward?"

I hummed, leaning in to hear her since she was whispering.

"Can you tell Rosalie and Emmett thank you for me?"

I smiled, rubbing my cheek against the shorter part of her hair. It was still growing in from her last surgery. "I think they want to say that to you. Nobody's going anywhere. You can say what you need to later on."

"Okay." Her eyes closed. I watched them twitch, making her lashes splay across the top of her cheek. Her chest rose and fell rhythmically. I continued stroking her hair as I watched over her.

"Edward?"

Another, bigger smile. "I thought you were asleep."

"I have to say something." Her voice was lower than a whisper, her words almost slurred. I had to press my ear very close to hear her. "I need you to know what you mean to me. I hurt you. I ran out on you."

"Bella… shhh… " I caressed her face with the tips of my fingers. "It's old news."

"You forgave me? I asked if you would… did you?"

"I did," I whispered back.

"You're the best person I've ever known."

I swallowed heavily. The self-loathing I'd once felt was long gone, but I was nowhere near ready to accept being the best at anything.

"Truly. I'd be lost without you."

"I'm here. Not going anywhere, Bella."

Her lashes fluttered as she licked her lips. "I was scared," she said even quieter than her previous whisperings.

"You did great," I assured her. "You don't have to be scared anymore."

"I was scared I'd never get to tell you."

I could barely make out her words. She was determined to fight off sleep, but the Sandman was winning. "You can tell me after you sleep," I murmured against her cheek. I gave her a soft kiss on her temple. "Just sleep. I'll be here."

"Promise…"

"I promise. Sleep, Bella. Just sleep."

As she gave in, I pulled a chair up and bent my arm next to her pillow. I rested my head on it as I watched her and wondered what on earth she was so afraid of. Had I frightened her by relating my own birth experience? And what on earth was she not telling me? It wasn't long before sleep took hold of me too. I slept dreamlessly in the chair, half on her bed. The relief of her getting through this birth gave me a sense of peace I'd never felt in my life.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Reading this through, I got to wondering why Edward thinks he's so different from the others. The whole bunch of them are nutty! LOL Ah well, we never quite see ourselves as others do, right? Do you think Bella will stay away from the baby? Well, you will find out next week. _

_Thanks and squishes to Shug for fixing everything and msj for just... everything, in a BID way. And thanks to all of you for the smiles last week. I made it through! Meetings and all! Woo-hoo! You all rock my world. XX ~ SR_


	19. Chapter 18

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 18**

I woke with fingers running through my hair. My neck was insanely stiff, and my lower back was in spasm. I needed to move, but the hair-play was just too enticing.

"The night nurse was just in," Bella said softly. "She was going to kick you out. I wouldn't let her."

"Good. I don't think I can move," I mumbled. One shoulder and my head rested on Bella's raised bed. The rest of me was in a chair not meant for sleeping. I became aware of the pins and needles in my left arm ,and a whimper came out as I attempted to shift it.

"You slept well," she stated, still combing through my hair.

I grunted as I attempted to straighten myself. My head was turned away from Bella, and I desperately needed to see her. "And you? How are you feeling?"

She shrugged casually. "I have drugs. You must be sore."

In no position to lie, I nodded as I pulled myself upright and rubbed at my neck with the only hand that was of use at the moment. The other hung limply at my side, every nerve ending firing up and blasting me with pain. "Not the best position to crash in. Have you been awake long?"

"A while. I was thinking of reading a bit, but I didn't want to turn the light on and disturb you."

She amazed me. Just hours after another major surgery, she was still putting someone else ahead of her own desires. "Reading anything good?"

"I don't know yet. I brought two new ones – a romance and a thriller. Didn't know what I'd feel like."

We continued making small talk while I worked out some of the kinks in my stiff muscles. I was dying to know what she'd wanted to tell me so badly, both before surgery and after, but she didn't bring it up. I put it down to the drugs being pumped into her and dismissed it being of any great importance. When the nurse came back to change her dressings, I went for a walk. After chatting with a few members of staff that I knew, I ended up heading for the nursery. I wanted to see if the little wonder still looked as charming as I'd remembered.

Through the glass window, I spotted Rosalie and Emmett off to the side. I watched them for a few moments with their new son. They both looked exhausted, but the elation on their faces more than made up for any dark circles under their eyes. They'd never looked happier. My eyes scanned the other babies lined up in their little beds. None impressed me. I left the window and headed around the corner to the door of the nursery. As I rounded the corner, I heard my sister speaking quietly. Not wanting to intrude on a private moment, I stopped.

"You honestly don't think we have anything to worry about?"

"I just don't see it, no," Emmett responded in a similar hushed tone. "You see the way she looks at him. Do you honestly think she's just going to take off?"

Initially, I felt like an ass for listening to their conversation at all. Something told me to stay, however. I had a feeling that their talk involved Bella. Were they worried she was going to take the baby back?

"It would kill him if she did. He's so involved, and I know his heart. Edward has never stopped caring about her. It has to have all come back for him. Em, I'm scared for my brother. What if he never moves on?"

I felt the beginning twinges of anger – the same way I'd felt when Jasper had accused Bella of taking advantage of me. I thought my sister knew better. Bella had just made their dream come true, and they thought she'd walk out on me? On all of us? I was about to barge in when I heard Emmett begin to speak again.

"Baby, what if he _is_ moving on – moving forward? They used to be so close. You've said yourself that he's never had a friendship with anyone like he had with Bella. So, what if that's changing now? A lot of time has passed. It could all be different for them. It _could_ be great."

"And if he gets hurt?"

"He's stronger than you give him credit for, Rosie. I know you love him, and you worry about him, but you don't see him the way I do. Edward's not this fragile little kid who will fall apart under pressure. You should have seen him tonight. He was the only one of us keeping it together when you were in there with Bella. Honestly."

"I've always known how strong my brother is," Rosalie countered. "He's stronger than any of us. I would've crumbled if I had to deal with the things he's had to, but he goes on. And I have a feeling we haven't even seen the tip of what he deals with on his own. Everything's been a struggle for him, and I just want to see that end. He shouldn't have to struggle for love, Em. He has so much to offer. I want to protect his heart."

"I think he turned a corner long ago, and he's approaching another one. Just let him go. Let him see where he's going, and if Bella goes with him… perfect."

I heard my sister huff. "Why are you always right?"

And Emmett's laugh. "Why is this the first time you've acknowledged that?"

"You were right about this, too. You always said we'd stumble into our own bit of happiness somehow. And here he is." Their words faded into soft murmurs. I assumed they had now moved on to talking about the baby. This was good because I was more than a little shocked by their conversation. Rosalie thought _I_ was strong? "Edward thinks he's perfect."

"Well, he would, wouldn't he? He's the most observant guy I've ever known. Uncle Edward thinks you're perfect! And so do I! And, as Mommy just said… Daddy's always right!"

This was my opportunity to make a move. I could either turn around and pretend I'd never been there, or act like I'd just arrived. It was times like these when I could hear Aro's voice clear as day in my mind: _'You always have a choice, Edward.' _

"That sounds good coming from your mouth," I joked, slapping Emmett on the back as I walked up behind them. "'Daddy's always right.' How are the proud parents?"

"Tired," they both said with a laugh.

"Mom and Dad were here. Charlie took them back to your apartment, so I guess you're on the couch unless you want to go to our place. I'm staying here tonight." Rose had never looked happier as she sat holding her new son.

"Me too." To avoid any hint of pity in her look – if there was one – I bent over to take my second look at the baby. It was impossible not to smile at him. If anything, his charm had grown. "Did you trim his nails yet? They looked long. He could scratch himself. His eyes are open now. What if he scratches his eye?"

My sister smirked at me. "Do you want to hold him, Edward?"

I straightened up, wearing a frown. "No. That's okay."

"Is Bella awake? I went to see her about an hour ago, and both of you were out cold."

I grinned at Emmett for the subject change. "Yeah. She's awake. She was asking for you earlier."

"Yeah?" Rosalie smiled up at me. "Think she can handle all of us at once, or should we go in singly?"

~ 0 ~

"Hey, little Baby Momma." Emmett came in first, wearing his most brilliant smile.

I'd gone back to the room to check with Bella before they brought the baby in. I wasn't sure if she was ready to see him. They must have sensed the problem, because Rosalie hung back to change the baby while Emmett visited first.

"Are you too sore for a hug?"

"Never!" Bella smiled brightly at him and held her arms out. "You look so happy, Em."

"And you look like an angel," he replied as he embraced her. "You _are_ an angel. How are you feeling?"

"I've felt worse," she quipped. "Where's the rest of your family?"

Emmett's smile grew even broader. "Diaper change. They'll be along. God… I still can't believe this is happening. Months ago we were worried for your life, and now you're looking better than ever and we have a son! I keep thinking it can't be real. Pinch me."

"Don't encourage her, man. You have no idea what you're in store for." Bella and I exchanged a look and broke out in laughter. Even Emmett didn't stand a chance against Bella's toes.

Emmett helped Bella prop herself up to dose herself with pain meds when the laughter got too intense for her stomach, and I noticed Rose waiting. I waved her in. She passed Emmett the baby and went to Bella at once. Even before a word was spoken, both women were in tears as they hugged fiercely. I stood there like an oaf, not knowing what the tears were for, nor how to make them stop.

Bella was the first to manage words. "Thank you," she squeaked out. "Thank you for doing this."

My sister clenched her eyes closed, shaking her head. "No, no, no, honey. We are indebted to _you_. You've given us more than we'd ever hoped for. He's beautiful. _You're_ beautiful, Bella. Do you know how special you are to do this? Right from the start, you were doing something so amazing. You've trusted us with something so precious, and I swear to you – I. Swear. To. You. – We will cherish him each and every day and remember what a beautiful person you are for giving us the chance to do that."

While Rose became more and more composed as she talked, Bella lost it, increasing my feeling of uselessness. Emmett made an empathetic face in my direction, so I backed off and let my sister handle it.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," she apologized softly, holding Bella as she did. "I don't want to make you upset. We only wanted you to know how much you mean to us. How grateful we are. You did so good. So, so good with this baby. You came through the surgery brilliantly, and you're doing so well. He's healthy and absolutely beautiful." She looked directly at me with a smirk when she said, "And Edward says he's perfect."

Of all the unintentional things I'd uttered in my life that never got dropped, this was one I didn't regret. It didn't make me feel silly or unintelligent. It made me feel… I don't know. It was something I'd never felt before. It was kind of like when Bella would grip my shirt with her hands when she needed me close to her. Or how I felt when she'd tell me I'd made her feel better. I didn't feel embarrassed about it until I saw the look on Rose's face when Bella announced I'd said similar to her. Seeing my discomfort, Rose let me off the hook.

"Well, would you care to meet him face-to-face? You already know him better than anyone, but he's nice to look at too." She smiled as she slid off the side of the bed where she'd sat, giving Bella a view of Emmett proudly holding the baby.

"Want to hold him, Baby Momma?"

Bella sucked in her bottom lip. "You're gonna have to come up with a new name, Em. That's Rosalie now."

"You're right, Angel."

"Emmett…" Bella covered her face in embarrassment.

"Angella? Bellangel? We'll play with it. See which one works. In the meantime, here he is. Sleeping – sorry. He should be awake for your first meeting."

"Sure. _Now_, he sleeps!" Bella accepted the sleeping, bundled baby and stared down at him. "Wow. How did he fit inside of me?" she mused aloud before admiring him in silence.

None of us spoke, wanting to give Bella her own time with the baby she grew for another couple. I could see her struggling with her emotions, but I had no idea what she could possibly be feeling. How could anyone know what she was feeling?

"Have you named him?" she asked quietly.

Rose looked to Emmett and gave him a nod.

"Bella, meet Nathan," he announced with pride. "The name means 'a gift from God', and he surely is."

Bella smiled down at the little gift and repeated his name. "Nathan McCarty. You are one fortunate and very loved little boy. Always know that."

Her words struck me hard. I turned away as I felt the wetness on my cheeks. I wondered if those were her own feelings about him or if they were for my benefit. Was she thinking of what I'd said months ago about never wanting a child to feel as I had? Would he always know how valued he was? Or did my lack of self-worth stem from something else other than an unusual birth? I couldn't imagine parents showing me any more love than mine had. This little wonder… Nathan… he would receive the same, and more. Had my parents said anything remotely similar to me the first time they held me? Or was their fear transferred into me? I prayed Nathan would never fear anything. I prayed he heard Bella's words and buried them deep inside so if a day ever came where he felt alone, he would somehow know he wasn't.

"Bella? We wanted to ask you something."

I dried my cheeks one more time and turned back to them at the sound of my sister's voice.

"We wanted to give him something from his birth parents –"

"But there's no male form of 'Isabella,'" Emmett quipped.

"Instead, we'd like to name him Nathan Marcus Gianni McCarty. Would that be all right with you?"

Bella nodded adamantly as tears streamed down her cheeks. "It's perfect. Yes. Thank you."

"I wanted 'Izzy' in there somewhere," Emmett added. "You should be represented."

Chuckling, Bella shook her head. "Ugh! No. He's got a long enough name. Don't torture him with more. It's perfect as it is. Right, Nathan?"

"He'll respond when he wakes up," Emmett joked.

"Which should be soon. It's almost feeding time." Rose checked her watch before peeking down at her sleeping son.

"The nurse put some milk in the nursery for him," Bella announced. She dropped her head shyly. "I don't know if you want to use it, but I didn't want to waste it in case you did."

My sister choked on a sob, and the tears started anew. "Bella! I wanted to ask you, but I didn't know how… I didn't want to presume… and I don't want you doing more than you already have –"

"It's fine. I can express. If that's what you want to do." Bella wiped at her own tears. "I'd agreed to do that for Gianna. I'd do it for you." Her voice was soft and reflective, almost inaudible.

I pulled my chair up close to her bed when the others left for the nursery. This had to renew her mourning over her friends' untimely death. "This must be difficult for you," I commented gently.

"I did the right thing," she whispered before looking over at me. "He and I survived for a reason. Right?"

Any other time, I would have lost it entirely. I believed that with all my heart, because if she hadn't survived, I would be utterly lost. I needed a second chance with her. Nathan needed a second chance at life and loving, capable parents. And Bella needed me to be strong for her through it all. "Yes, Bella. I think all of this happened for a reason. I think you've done amazingly well with everything. I also think your friends would approve."

"I know they would." She smiled sadly. "They would love all of you. I wish I hadn't… I wish you could have known them. If I hadn't shut everyone out… kept them separate…"

"Shhh, you can't change the past. We can only move forward." I used Emmett's profound words, because once again, he'd made a huge difference in my outlook for the future.

~ 0 ~

The next three days until Bella's release were hectic. I kept my normal work shifts and stayed with Bella at night. During the day, she had Charlie, Rosalie and Emmett, as well as my parents, all taking turns between her and Nathan. Bella commented that my parents treated her as though she'd never been gone. They would, of course, because they were like that. I made arrangements to switch with Ben for the following week, when I was supposed to do third shift. Bella's only request of me was that I stay with her at night. Particularly once she was home. It gave me hope. Not only did she want me sleeping with her, but she still referred to my apartment as 'home.'

I was disappointed that I couldn't be the one taking her home myself. I had just picked up my first call at work when the text from Bella came through telling me her OB had just discharged her. I knew it was going to be today – she was having no residual problems with her kidneys thanks to the dialysis after surgery, and she was well practiced in surgical recovery. She was itching to get home, but I'd secretly hoped that her OB would be delayed. All day.

Instead of escorting Bella out of the hospital, and carrying her up the stairs to the apartment, I climbed them alone. I could hear the chatter coming from inside even before I opened the door. It sounded like the whole team was there. Then it was like a receiving line – they all jumped to attention and rushed for the door, giving me their greetings, instructions for Bella and dinner, and goodbyes in a such a jumble I didn't catch much of it at all.

"What the hell was that?" I asked, wide-eyed as the door closed behind me.

Bella grinned from her spot on the couch. "I asked them to give us some quiet time. I hope it wasn't presumptuous. Maybe you wanted to spend more time with your parents?"

"No! I mean, I would, yeah. But this is better. This is good. Charlie?"

"Staying at Rosalie and Emmett's tonight. With your parents."

I made an impressed face and then began torturing myself with the motive behind clearing everyone out. Was she sick of them? Of me? Were we too overbearing for her? Or did she simply want some time alone – with me? The cheer from that thought quickly vanished when I wondered if she wanted the bed to herself, thus evicting Charlie from the spare room.

Bella watched my rapidly changing expressions with curiosity and amusement.

Clearing my throat, I kicked into gear. I'd been frozen in place long enough. "Okay. Dinner? Someone said something about it, but I didn't quite catch it."

"The plates are already prepared – warming in the oven. You just have to pull them out. With gloves, your mom said."

I rolled my eyes as she snickered. "I should be a brat and call her up to ask what to do for a burn."

"She'd see through it, silly. You'd know what to do as well as she would. Her old nursing skills will come in handy for me when you're at work though. Hey, can you help me up?"

"You can stay there. I'll bring your dinner to you."

She huffed, waving her hands at me to pull her up. "I want to eat like a normal person. Please?"

Smiling, I took both of her hands and then guided her to the small table by the balcony. Low chairs would be easier for her than the bar stools we normally used at the breakfast bar. I brought our plates over – using gloves – and she filled me in on what everyone had planned for her care. Charlie would be leaving in two days, but my mom was staying with Rose so she could be around to help out everyone.

"I also got a call from the lawyer today. The estate has been settled. They have very little family – no one close. As I said, there's already a trust fund set up for the baby, so Nathan will be set later in life. The hospital bills and everything came out of their funds. That was part of the deal we had when I agreed to carry their baby. They would take care of all the medical bills – apparently that included the accident."

I hadn't even thought about bills or where the payments had come from. "That's good then. It must be reassuring to know they thought ahead that way."

Bella nodded, deep in thought. She swirled the pasta on her plate around, not looking very interested in it. "I knew they thought ahead for the baby. What I didn't expect was to be left with the remainder."

I quirked an eyebrow her way, stilling my fork as it made its way to my mouth. I was starving, myself. "Wow. They named you executor?"

"Not exactly," she mumbled. "Recipient. Sole recipient."

I set my fork down, clearing my throat. "You don't seem happy about that."

She lifted her eyes to me, clearly struggling. "It's just so unexpected! I know they weren't close with any family members, but surely they would want Nathan to have everything. I can't… I don't want to take it."

Resting my elbows on either side of my plate, I rested my chin on my hands. I spoke calmly, hoping to soothe her. "I would think they knew what they were doing, Bella. I'm certain that they knew you would be sure Nathan was well taken care of."

She nodded, still frowning. "I'm grateful, don't get me wrong. It's been a relief to know I'm getting top medical care without having to worry about expenses. And I'm not exactly employed anywhere." She finally gave up with her food and set her fork aside. "It makes me feel like an employee. Someone they paid off to carry their baby."

It was my turn to frown. "Nothing about the way you described the situation sounds remotely like it was a paid position. It sounds more to me like they thought of you as family. You said much the same yourself."

"Sure… they were like family. But I never took money from them. I only moved into their house because they wanted to be part of the whole experience. I wasn't doing it for money or a place to stay, or for any reason other than to give back some of what they gave to me." She groaned in frustration. "See? That makes it sound like it was a job or an obligation, and it wasn't! Marcus helped me get my books published. Gianna… well, she was more of an emotional anchor for me. She was everything my own mother should have been but wasn't. It was never about taking anything from them materially. It's different now. By taking their money, I'm paid for services rendered," she said bitterly.

I released a heavy sigh. I could partially understand her feelings about it but not completely. They were gone, and they obviously thought enough of her to name her in their will. I didn't see the problem with accepting it. "Is it that you think you're taking money from Nathan?"

She shrugged. "His trust fund is set up two-tiered. There are funds available for his needs at any time and then a lump sum when he turns eighteen. Like I said, he is taken care of financially. I guess I'm worried that I'm taking advantage. I don't have a job. I don't have immediate plans. What if I stagnate? I could end up living off my friends' misfortune. What kind of life is that?"

"Think of it as starting over," I suggested with an understanding smile. "Take your time to heal and then decide what it is you want to do. This way there's no pressure on you, and ultimately, you'll do what's right for you. You always do."

Her eyes flashed at me in horror. "I do not! I do anything but!"

Immediately I wished I'd kept my yap shut. "Fuck. That didn't come out right. What I meant was, the decisions you make are always for the best. You do what you think is right, and it works." Even as I was restating my thought, it still didn't sound flattering. "Okay, I'll try again. I know you'll do what's right, because you're kind and you think things through. You don't act rashly or out of desperation. You just need time."

"Edward…" She dropped her head into her hands. "You have no idea how much time I've already spent thinking through things that I never act on. It's been a huge part of my life. In a way, I've been stagnating for a decade. Gianna and Marcus wanted more for me." Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks now, tugging at my heart. "I feel like they've given me every opportunity to set a goal and reach it, and I'm still letting them down."

I gave up on my dinner with one regretful last look at it. Slipping off my chair, I knelt beside hers and reached for her hand. "What is it you want, Bella?" I asked softly. "Name one goal, and I swear I'll do everything in my power to help you reach it. We'll get you there, together."

Bella stared at me incredulously, and I realized my mistake.

"I don't mean you have to stay here… with me. Of course, you can. If you want to. I'd love to have you –" I squeezed my eyes shut, willing my mouth to do the same. A muttered "fuck" still managed to come out. So much for me starting over with her – acting like a man instead of a lovesick kid. After a few deep breaths, I finally looked at her. She wore the same patient expression she always used to have when she was giving me time to sort my thoughts or collect my emotions. She was waiting for me to get it right.

"My knees are killing me. Can we go sit comfortably?"

The sound of Bella's laugh made all of my tension vanish. It also made my hunger return. I grabbed our plates off the table, and we ate in silent comfort on the couch.

~ 0 ~

"I should go back to Phoenix," Bella said quietly when I returned from rinsing off our dinner plates.

I wanted to scream out or throw a tantrum. Instead, I took a seat next to her and calmly prepared myself to lose her. "You want to go back?"

"No. I don't want to, but I have to. I need to deal with this and move on."

My nerves uncoiled ever so slightly. "It's a temporary thing then?"

She nodded. "Definitely. I have to see the lawyer about the estate, and I want to say goodbye to all the memories there so we can all move on."

I shifted to face her. "All?"

"I've been a burden to so many people, and I need to put an end to that. I have to let people move on when and however they need to."

I held my hand up to stop her going any further. "Hold up. I have a feeling I know where you're going with this."

"You do?" Her eyes were wide – almost fearful. Yet deep within, a glimmer of hopefulness was there as well.

I grinned at her. "I do. You're anything but a burden here, Bella. Know that. I'm happy to have you stay here for however long you please." I stared at her nibbling on her bottom lip. Sadness replaced the hope that was there. "Unless you don't want to… oh my god. I'm sorry. I'm putting pressure on you to stay, and I can tell by your expression, it's the last thing you want to do, but now I've thrown that out there, and you don't want to hurt me so you'll do whatever… say whatever… just to –"

"Edward, stop!" Her hands held my face, forcing me to look at her. "You're wrong about that. You've never put pressure on me to do anything. Never once." A tiny smile curled up her lips. "I was referring to my family. I burdened my family – held them back."

"I don't understand…"

"Kate, I mean. She took me in when Mom sold Gran's house. I meant to help them out somehow, as they were helping me. But I was useless. So needy. I took Kate's time away from Tanya and Garrett. I ditched the job Garrett had so kindly arranged for me. Kate has been giving and giving and giving to me… most of my life! From the time my parents split – all but those two years in Forks with Dad – she's felt responsible for me. I've held her back. She wanted to go to New York for college. Instead, she stayed in Phoenix. For me. By the time I left, Gran got sick, so they didn't have a chance to do what they wanted then either.

"Kate gave up at least two promotions in the time I've been living with them. Two that I'm aware of. There may have been more. She's always wanted to teach college – she's stuck in sixth grade in Phoenix… because of me. That's why I turned to Marcus and Gianna. I wanted Kate and Garrett to see that I could handle things on my own. They could tend to Tanya and their own wants without worrying about me. Instead, I made them worry more."

"People do worry when they care, Bella. There's no way around that," I commented gently. "That's something I can relate to completely. From both sides."

The fret lines fell from her face as she finally smiled. "You've always been so easy to talk to. You just understand."

"I understand sacrifice, too." The words were out before I could stop them. I'd made the ultimate sacrifice out of love for my brother, and for Bella. Knowing that I'd loved her all along wouldn't help her to feel like less of a burden. I quickly recovered to avoid the mess of having to explain that. "We've all done things for our family based on love, not just obligation. You did it yourself when you left Forks to be with Gran, right? I also think that if Kate has been willing to give up the things she wanted to do for the sake of family, the last thing she would want is for you to feel bad about it." I paused to give her a reassuring smile. "It would probably be good for both of you to clear the air on that. What I saw of you together looked like it was something really special. You don't want to give up that kind of relationship with a family member, Bella."

Her smile was huge now. "You're right. Of course." She laughed a little as she swatted my shoulder. "Why are you always right?" It wasn't so much a question as it was a musing. "I want to repay you for the past three months of mooching off you. The extra food and electricity. And if you weren't paid for all the time you took off since the accident, I'll cover those days too."

"No." I pulled away from her and shook my head firmly. "No way."

"I'm not living off of you, Edward!" she protested. "I'm not going to take advantage of you."

"You're not!" I argued back. "Exactly how much do you think I'm out of pocket from groceries? Every day of work that I've missed has been paid for, and there's still more I can take. I haven't taken a proper vacation in… well, never! And I'm the guy everyone goes to when they need a shift covered because I'm the guy with no fucking life!" My voice raised an octave on the last words as my temper peaked. I took a moment to let it simmer down. "I will not take money from you," I stated quietly. "Services rendered? Ring a bell? You don't think that's exactly how I would feel?"

She nodded, with tears and remorse in her eyes. She wiped away at them quickly. "I'm sorry. I should know that." Looking down at her hands as she twisted them anxiously, she suddenly snickered. "God, we're so much alike."

"Stubborn idiots," I muttered, not seeing the humour she apparently did.

"With no life," she added softly. "I've been exactly the same. I work at the school more than any other staff member, and I'm not even on staff!"

Okay, there was some humour after all. I joined her laughter until she gripped her stomach. The laughter was too much for her so soon after surgery. I made her comfortable on the couch, and we scanned through Netflix to find a movie to watch. Comedies were out, as were horrors or anything sad. After an hour of searching, we gave up.

I eyed my bed with anticipation as Bella claimed the bathroom. Stripping down to my t-shirt and boxers, I climbed in and waited for her. She was in there a long time. I was debating going to check on her when I heard her call out for me. Out of bed in a flash, I ran.

Outside the bathroom door, I called through, "Bella? You all right?"

"Um… yeah. No. I uh… can you come in?"

Tentatively, I opened the door, keeping my eyes down. Her voice sounded like it was coming from the bathtub. That would mean she was…

"I'm stuck. This was really stupid of me. Your mom said she'd help me with this in the morning – I should've just waited, but there's a lot of… God, you don't want to know this. I need to shut up. I need to get out. I'm freezing!"

I tried to draw out the paramedic in me. This was not a gorgeous woman naked in my bathtub; this was a victim in need of rescue. I grabbed a thick towel and moved towards the tub. "Here. Can you dry yourself? I'll get your robe." I stuck the towel around the shower curtain, passing it off to her without looking. Her robe wasn't hanging in the bathroom, but mine was. It would do the trick. Better, in fact, because it was bigger.

Her teeth were chattering as she dried off. "O-k-k-kay. Got the r-r-r-robe?"

I smiled and passed it through.

"And I need… my stuff. Over there. My panties, and…"

I saw the pad lying out with her panties. I grabbed them up together and passed them through. "Let me know when it's all clear."

She tugged on the curtain after a bit and grimaced with the movement. "C-clear."

Drawing the curtain fully open for her, I was all business. "Okay. Can you climb out with help, or should I lift you? How did you get in?"

"I sat. And turned. It's too cold now. And I'm sore."

I nodded calmly. "Okay. Lifting it is. Put your arms around my neck." I bent to scoop her up. She was much lighter than the previous time I'd carried her up the stairs this way. And she smelled so fucking good as she clung to me. I begged my lower extremities to cooperate – my legs could not weaken now, and my dick had better not decide to lend a hand, so to speak. Standing there in my underwear and my arms full of Bella, there would be no way to tuck and hide. Why did she have to smell this way?

"I'm glad you're in dispatch."

"Huh?" Her remark caught me off guard. I'd almost forgotten she was just as alert as I was.

"I'd bet women would intentionally put themselves in danger, just to have you rescue them this way. I'd spend your whole shift wondering who was in your arms."

I smirked at her as I carried her through to the bedroom. "My luck it would be a 300 pound man in adult diapers. Emmett would forever razz me about that." In the very back of my mind, the possibility hit – she could really be jealous? I locked it away there. It was a dangerous thought.

She grinned at me shyly as I set her down on the bed.

"Your hair is still dripping. Got that towel?" I gathered her hair and wrapped the towel around the length, squeezing the excess water out.

"I guess taking a shower was a dumb idea all around. It'll take hours to dry."

I gave it one more squeeze before pulling the towel away. "Be right back." I returned with her hair dryer and brush. She watched me plug it into the wall by the bed with a grin. "Okay… how will we do this?"

"There's a button. It says 'on'," she quipped.

I scowled at her before setting it down on her nightstand. I climbed over her and urged her to turn around before I picked it up again. She sat cross-legged, and I knelt behind her, carefully brushing out any tangles before using the button she so helpfully pointed out. I spent a good twenty minutes drying it, and it was still damp when she waved at me to stop.

"We're going to burn it out. And you're putting me to sleep." For effect, she collapsed back against me. Her head rested on my shoulder. "Your arms must be sore," she mumbled sleepily. "I can't make you keep at it."

I was running my fingers through her hair as she spoke, drawing it all to the side. It left her neck exposed and looking positively delectable. Swallowing hard, I spoke softly against her ear. "I don't mind, you know." My eyes roamed back to her long neck, and I don't know what came over me, but I dipped my head and kissed her there. Not once, not twice, but three soft kisses down her neck. If my robe hadn't stopped me, I may have continued along her shoulder as well.

Her body shivered against me, and I moved away quickly. I went to the dresser and extracted my favourite blue nightie for her to put on. If I hadn't done it right then, I wouldn't have been able to leave the bed without embarrassing myself. My lower body was no longer able to cooperate. It would soon be very evident. As it was, a slight readjustment was necessary while my back was to the bed. Holding the gown in front of me as I returned helped me out as well.

She tugged it over her head and I turned away to give her privacy to remove my robe. She was shivering again when I got in bed next to her.

"The heat from the dryer felt so good. Relaxing. Now I'm cold again."

"I'm pretty warm over here," I quipped, with no joke truly intended. I felt incredibly warm. Too warm. I kicked a foot out from under the covers to get some air just as Bella slid over, curling up next to me. Her skin didn't feel cold next to mine, but her whole body was trembling.

"You are warm. Nice," she mumbled against my shoulder.

All I could think of was kissing her neck. Her only reaction had been to shiver. She hadn't pulled away or acted shocked, but she didn't comment on it either. Surely, if I had been way out of line with it, she wouldn't be nestled so close now. She would be hugging the other side of the mattress. I shifted to slide my arm under her so she could get even closer… if she wanted to. She did. Now what? I wanted more than ever to kiss her – really kiss her. But she was four days post-partum. Was it too soon? It's not like I was going to have sex with her… Shit. It really wasn't the time to think about having sex with Bella. No. Not the time.

But I had kissed her in a more affectionate way than we'd ever exchanged before. Was she expecting more? Was she waiting for me to remark on it? Did she think I'd freak out if she kissed me? Exhaling heavily to clear the Bella scent that was making my mind swirl with wicked thoughts, I stroked her arm gently.

_I should say something to break the silence. It's a weird moment. I should say, or do… something._

"It's supposed to rain for the next few days."

Bella convulsed in another fit of shivers at the mere mention of more dampness. I was beginning to sweat. My other foot untangled itself from the blankets and joined the first unbound foot. Better.

"I guess you don't want a weather report," I acknowledged quietly. "Was that weird for you? The kisses, not my report. I don't want to make you uncomfortable – I just really wanted to do that. I've wanted to for so long. Soooo long. You mean so much to me, Bella. I want you to know that. You should know that I'll be anything you want me to be, and that I'll be your friend no matter what. You'd tell me if I crossed the line, right? If those kinds of kisses are too much?" I held my breath waiting for her response. There was silence.

"Bella?"

A tiny, soft little snort broke the silence as she snuggled in even closer. Her warm breath on my neck fell into the familiar rhythm I was well accustomed to. She was asleep. I smiled as I placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Goodnight, sweet Bella. I'm so glad you're here. Sleep well."


	20. Chapter 19

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 19**

The second night with Bella home was awkward. Not only because of our argument, tub rescue, and following neck kissing, etc. – Charlie was back for the night. Bella had used the spare room for privacy when she expressed milk for Nathan, but with both Charlie and I there, it was a bit too crowded. I inadvertently interrupted her morning session after my shower. She was still sleeping when I got up, so I expected the same when I went in my room to get dressed for work. It was the longest five seconds of my life – filled with gasps and profuse apologies, with intense blushing thrown into the mix. That, combined with the bedroom door slamming shut, woke Charlie. We shared a somewhat tense breakfast while Bella finished up. I was late for work.

Once it was the two of us, things calmed down and fell into a very natural feeling routine. Bella would wake before me and head to the spare room where her breast pump was set up. I'd shower and shave, and have the bedroom free to dress in. We'd have breakfast together, and Mom would arrive as I was leaving. After Bella's hard lesson that first night, she did wait for my mom to help her with showering. It was a relief and a disappointment. Truthfully, I had enjoyed taking care of her that way. Part of me wondered if she made certain to do that while I was out so that I wouldn't be tempted to slobber on her again.

By the second week, Bella was doing much better physically. It wasn't necessary to have someone with her at all times, though I definitely appreciated that Mom, Rosalie, and even Emmett took turns spending time with her at my apartment while I was working. Dinner was made for us, just waiting for me to get in, and we'd have a quiet meal together while avoiding any talk of Phoenix, or kissing, or feeling indebted.

One night, with nothing worth watching on TV, we each picked up a book after dinner.

"Do you still write? I haven't seen you working on anything. Is that because I'm here?"

I looked up from my book, confused by the sudden question. "Write?"

"Yeah. You know… how you used to write fan fiction?"

Chuckling, I shook my head. I couldn't believe I'd told her about my hobby back then. No one knew. "No… those days are gone. How do you remember that?"

"I read your stories. I still followed them after I moved away. But then they disappeared. Did you stop writing altogether or use a different name?"

I laid my book across my stomach as I stretched in my chair. "Stopped," I replied.

"You never finished your Dawson's Creek one."

I smirked, shaking my head.

"Why? It was good."

I shrugged. "Just wasn't feeling it. And honestly, it felt weird to be a 20-year-old man writing that crap."

She smiled at me. "Readers didn't know you were a 20-year-old man. I want to know what happened. Did Joey end up with Dawson?"

Scratching at my chin, I gave it some thought. "Another reason why I didn't finish it."

"She didn't? What happened?"

"She was with his other best friend," I replied quietly. "If you remember, I was watching the show on DVD with Rose. I had no idea it would go that way when I started it. I kept hoping they'd come around, but it never happened."

"But it's _your_ story. You could write it any way you wanted it to go," she countered.

"It wouldn't change reality… as it were." I smirked at my own comment. "Even fictional characters get it wrong – it should have been them, always. Dawson and Joey knew each other inside and out. They loved each other, but they also _liked_ each other. That's so important. It was right there all along, and they did nothing with it. Instead, the fictional characters took the reality route and the girl went for the other guy – a lust thing. I just don't get it. I don't understand why people get into relationships filled with angst and arguments when they can have something entirely different with the one who really cares about them, you know?"

"Are you still talking about fictional characters or reality?"

"Both," I replied. "That's just how it goes. I don't know which emulates the other, but they're both the same."

"But, Edward… _you_ could have changed it. Do you not understand?"

Was _she_ talking fiction or reality? "It was too disheartening. All of it." Fiction _and_ reality.

Her gaze fell from mine, and she was silent for several moments. "Well, it doesn't matter anyway. Joey's with Tom Cruise now, and in retrospect, even Pacey was a better choice. Hell, she would have been better off with Jen."

That struck me as funnier than it should have been. I had tears rolling down my cheeks, and my stomach hurt by the time I got my laughter under control.

In bed later on, it was still playing on my mind. "Bella, why were you following my stories? You can't tell me they were so amazing you just couldn't stop reading. I live in a reality-based world. And I'm a 9-1-1 dispatcher, not a writer."

She scrunched up her nose at me, the cute way she did, when in earlier years, she would have poked out her tongue. Her eyes then cast downward and she turned serious. "I missed you." She looked up at me once again. "I really did, you know. I missed you. So much it hurt."

I could relate to that, but not understand why she let herself suffer. I hadn't gone anywhere. "You could have contacted me at any time," I reminded her gently. "I wish you had. I hate knowing you were sad."

"There's so much I wish was different."

It seemed to me the right time to really get into this topic. We'd previously swept it under the rug, as far as I was concerned. "What would you have done differently, Bella – if we could reverse time?"

"Better to ask what I wouldn't do differently," she replied with a grin. "I wouldn't change being your partner in Bio."

I offered a small grin of my own in return. If I were honest, I was disappointed that she'd made a joke out of it. I thought that maybe she'd open up about her regrets.

"It's difficult to pinpoint one specific thing that would fix everything," she continued. "The main thing I'd want to change is what happened between us."

Interesting. I didn't have a clue what she meant by that, but I did like that her tone was more serious.

"If there was a way that we could have stayed like we were." She twisted a piece of her hair between her fingers as she spoke. "No, not even. I don't know. I just know that I'd want to not cut you out of my life if I could reverse time. Honestly. That's the one thing I would absolutely want to do over."

She was leaving me speechless with her confession. Well, almost speechless. "Why then? Why didn't you reply – even just once?"

Her glistening dark eyes turned upwards to gaze at me. "It was for you. I thought it was the right thing to do at the time."

"Why? Because of what happened with Jasper? Did you think you had to break up with all of us since he broke up with you?" My brain was just firing questions around, and my mouth poured them out. Then my mouth seemed to act on its own. "Bella, I thought it was for you. That I… well, not just me – every Cullen – would be sore reminders of Jasper."

She shook her head. "I wasn't doing it to be cruel or vengeful. Please believe that."

"Did you think we were all done with you once Jazz was? Is that it? It was his decision, alone. He didn't consult us on anything, and he didn't mean for it to affect everyone. You know that, right?"

She dropped the twisted lock of hair and chewed on her thumbnail. She was no longer looking at me.

"Bella? Rose and I didn't agree with what he did. Not at all. I can understand that relationships don't always work, but the way he went about ending it was disgusting. We both let him have it. If we weren't so far away, you would have seen we didn't approve. Both of us would have been there for you."

Her eyes closed, and her face pinched up as though she was in pain. And I felt like an ass.

"I'm sorry. I thought you really were over him," I said softly. Inside, I wanted to scream. Even after all these fucking years, and all I'd just seen her through, breaking up with my brother still upset her. I felt dangerously close to being unable to contain my emotions. Rather than putting her through seeing me upset, I made a bathroom dash, blaming the beer I'd had after dinner. I ran the water ice cold and doused my face. It didn't help much. Hot tears still felt like they wanted to flow so I ducked my whole head in the sink and splashed water all over it, down my neck, the backs of my ears, and finally my face again.

_Get your shit together! You knew… you always knew she wasn't into you that way. Accept it. Deal with it. Move on. _

I looked into the mirror, fully expecting to see the sad, awkward kid with a huge zit on his nose just below where his glasses sat. The kid who'd lost his only friend. Instead, I saw a man who seemed so far removed from that kid it almost shocked me. My hair no longer flopped into my eyes, and even though they were red at the moment, my eyes were bright. There was none of the despondency I used to see in my reflection. The dullness. The outward image of the emptiness I felt inside. None of that existed in this reflection. I watched the corner of my mouth turn up. I wasn't that kid. I had reinvented myself, in a way.

Examining myself further, I saw vibrant green eyes with the same specks of gold my malachite stone held. I turned my head to look at the strong, pronounced jaw dusted with stubble. My nose was a little crooked from the time I'd run into the door at school, but it wasn't bad. It gave me character. I didn't turn out half bad. I was… pretty decent looking. Of course, my glasses were in the bedroom and my contacts in their case. I snickered as I realized I was totally checking myself out.

"So pathetic, Cullen," I whispered, laughing at myself. I took the piss that was bound to get me up within a half hour anyway, washed up and turned out the light to return to bed.

Bella was sitting up, waiting for me. She wore the look of deep concern she always used to when dealing with anxiety-ridden me. I didn't want that. That wasn't me anymore. The man I'd become could handle this. As long as Bella was in my life in some way, I could deal. I _would_ deal. And perhaps she'd even begin to see what she could have had – a decent guy who would cherish her and offer more love than she'd ever known.

I approached the bed with a smile and sat on the edge next to her. "I didn't mean to make you upset, bringing up old stuff."

She reached out for me, frowning. Her hands cupped my face. "Edward, you need to understand something. This isn't about me being upset over an old boyfriend. This is me feeling stupid for thinking I could protect you."

"Protect me?" My brow furrowed in confusion. "From what?"

Her hands slid down my face until they rested on my neck. Her thumbs stroked my jaw as she gripped me. "I didn't want trouble between you and Jasper. That's why I feel stupid, because it happened anyway. You stuck up for me."

"Of course I did," I replied softly. "He was wrong." Her fingertips tickled at the edge of my hair. The hair on my neck stood on end at the contact.

"We both were wrong," she asserted. "I wasn't blameless for it all falling apart. But I never, ever wanted it to affect you. You weren't at fault for any of it, and the last thing I wanted was to come between you and your brother. I know he means the world to you." Her tongue flicked out over her bottom lip as her fingers moved right up into my hair and her thumbs now tickled my earlobes. "I know you probably won't believe it, but you mean the same to him. I thought –" She hesitated, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "I thought it would be harder for you if we'd stayed friends – in case Jasper gave you a hard time. And you'd argue. I didn't want you to lose your brother."

"Bella…" I held onto her wrists, my own thumbs stroking her forearm as she soothed me with her fingers. "I stuck up for you because it was the right thing to do. He needed to know he'd hurt you… and in turn, hurt all of us. We'd never fought like that before, and haven't since."

Her cheeks flushed slightly. "It's really vain of me to think I'd make such an impact on your relationship." She tittered, lowering her eyes. "I feel extremely stupid now."

"You are far from stupid, and the least vain person I know," I assured her. She had no idea how intense the fallout of their break-up had been for my brother and I, and she really didn't need to. I didn't want her taking on the guilt of that.

~ 0 ~

Alice, Jasper and Emily made the trip up to Port Angeles to meet the newest family member the next weekend. We went for a visit after I finished work. Bella had seen Nathan several times, as Emmett and Rose sometimes brought him along when they went to pick up his milk, but I hadn't seen him since Bella's first day home. Rose served dinner immediately, taking advantage of him sleeping so she could eat.

"Be honest, Rose. You just know I need to eat the minute I get here. You've trained the baby to sleep just for me."

My sister smiled at my joke, passing me plates to set on the table as she dished out the food. "Yes, I know how grumpy the men in my life get when they're hungry. I can really identify now. It's amazing how babies seem to have an internal timer. He knows to wake up as soon as I pick up a fork. You'll see."

Emmett followed behind, waiting for the next plates while I took the first ones out to the dining room. I was shocked to see Emily sitting at the table. Well, sort of sitting at the table. She was in a high chair _at_ the table.

"She eats?"

Jasper and Bella laughed while Alice rolled her eyes at me. "Yes, and she specifically requested that Uncle Edward sit beside her." She flashed a grin as she began mashing up food from one plate to add to a dish in front of Emily.

"She doesn't talk," I scoffed. "Does she?"

More laughter ensued as Rosalie and Emmett brought out the last of the plates and we all took places at the table.

"I think it's adorable how completely baby ignorant you are, Edward," my sister said as I sat stiffly next to my niece. "But Emily is growing up. You should get to know her before she's off to college. Em, could you grab the extra water pitcher from the kitchen? I forgot to bring it out."

"I'll get it!" I jumped up, anxious for the chance to escape the horror of the little person next to me stuffing mashed vegetables into her mouth with her hands. I brought a wet cloth back with the water pitcher.

After the initial shock of a baby's poor table manners, I began to find Emily quite fascinating. One moment she would be completely oblivious to anyone around her, concentrating very hard on picking up a whole pea. The next minute she would be staring intently at the adults surrounding her, and trying to emulate them. She would laugh when we all did, as though she got the joke. Every now and then she'd burst out with some loud baby babble and then laugh at her own joke.

"I think she likes you." Bella leaned in to whisper to me as I stared in terror at Emily's hand on my forearm. Potatoes and slobber coated the tiny hand on me. I looked up at the owner of the messy hand to find her smiling like an angel at me.

"Hi," I said to her.

She babbled something, laughed, and slapped her free hand on her tray. It sent a splatter of spilled water and mush flying everywhere. I used my free hand to wipe something from my forehead. I didn't look. I really didn't want to know what had hit me. I was just thankful I wasn't wearing my glasses. That shit would have left disgusting smears on the lenses.

Alice took a napkin and wiped down the tray, shooting me an apologetic grin.

"Try the zucchini," I suggested to Emily. "Aunt Rosalie makes a really good baked zucchini. She puts cheese on it."

Emily just stared at me, smiling away.

"There." I pointed to the section in her dish that contained that particular mush. "That one's the zucchini."

She looked where I pointed and turned back to me. We eyed each other for a few beats. "Look…" I picked up my fork and stabbed at my own food. "Yum." Emily watched me chew and swallow before looking down at my plate. I pointed out her own zucchini once more.

"I think she wants yours." Bella nudged me.

There was absolutely no way I was allowing this messy kid to put her hands into my food, so I slid a zucchini slice onto my fork and tipped it into her dish. "There you go. Eat up."

While she was occupied with the new food, I took the opportunity to use the wet cloth on my arm. Her gooey hand had left remnants that were crusting up in my arm hair at an extraordinary rate. Knowing I was being watched, I did my best to hide my disgust. I was glad to see Jasper take Emily into the bathroom to give her a really good clean-up soon after. She was kind of cute but much easier to deal with without mush all over.

I helped with the clean-up of dinner, sending Bella on her way to sit down when she started helping. I didn't want her over-doing it. Emmett, Rose, and I had a good method going, and it took us no time at all to finish up. Afterwards, I took a seat beside Bella while Alice gave Emily a bottle.

Alice looked over at me. "Want to do this?"

"Nope," I replied without a thought.

Alice snickered at me. "What makes you so nervous about this? She knows her way around her bottle. You just have to hold her."

I scrunched up my face, shaking my head. "I don't know how you can get past the image of what she looked like five minutes ago – with sticky, gooey crap all over her – and be all cuddly with her now."

"Jasper changed her clothes," Bella advised me with an amused smirk. "She's all clean now."

"God, you'd think he was born an adult, wouldn't you?" Alice addressed Bella as she moved to join us on the couch. The top of Emily's head rubbed against my arm. "I've seen pictures, Edward. You were just as messy yourself. All babies are. She's going to want to know you… you _are_ her uncle. "

"Okay, okay." I held my hands up in surrender. "I'm not saying there's anything wrong with your kid—it's just not for me. Send her over when she's like, twenty-five, maybe. If she can hold a fork decently, I'll make her dinner and we'll talk or something."

"Take her on a slide," Bella suggested with a little laugh.

Recalling our park play in Phoenix, I grinned myself. "I don't think that would be appropriate at twenty-five."

"Maybe five would be better," she agreed. Our eyes were locked on each other, and we smiled as people do when they share a private joke.

"Jazz, Edward's going to babysit when she's five," Alice called out.

My head snapped around, mouth gaping, only to find the two of them laughing. There's no way in hell they'd leave their kid with me. Emily leaned back, letting the bottle fall from her mouth as she smiled at me.

I stared down at her. "Hi." Why did Rosalie and Emmett have such a small couch? It really hadn't seemed this small before now. Emily's arm came up as she tried to grab onto me.

"You're distracting her," Alice chided as she took Emily's arm back and tried to lure her with her bottle.

"I'm not doing anything," I retorted. "Maybe she'd like to drink in silence. God knows, there's rarely a time when you're completely silent. And she probably likes space, too. I don't like eating with someone pressed up against me. She'd probably be more comfortable over there." I pointed to the chair by the bay window that Rosalie liked to read in.

Emily's lipped smacked as she released the bottle again, turning her beaming smile back on. I gave her a little wave, and she squealed. Loudly.

"Got her mother's lungs," I quipped.

Alice quirked an eyebrow at me. "Maybe Daddy should give you this. Uncle Edward is disturbing you."

I smiled widely as they made the exchange. Jasper took her back to the chair he was occupying. "Ah. Much better."

"I think I liked you better when you didn't talk. Remember those days?" Alice wore the look she always had when teasing me – amusement and amicability.

"I do. Those were the days I dreamt up thrilling ways to silence you once and for all. You're lucky I was medicated." Alice was so much fun to tease in return. "And those self-help books encouraged me to talk rather than beating you senseless with them."

"I said I was sorry! A million times, I said I was sorry for that. I didn't know you were comfortable being a whack job."

I gave Alice a playful nudge with my shoulder. "You going back to work?"

She dropped our usual banter and talked excitedly about her plans to work at the courthouse three days a week. They had a babysitting service in an adjoining building, so she wouldn't be far from Emily. It made me happy to see that they were getting their lives back to normal. It really had been difficult on them with Emily's health issues at birth. The conversation then turned to Bella's plans for the future when Rosalie and Emmett excused themselves to tend to Nathan when he cried out.

"What about you, Bella?" Jasper asked. "Will you look for something here or go back to Phoenix once you've got a clean bill of health?"

"I've got some things to clear up down there, but I don't plan on returning for good," she replied. She'd told me as much, but it was still a relief hearing it spoken to someone else. "I don't know what I'm doing for work, though."

"You're not working on another book?" Alice inquired. "I've read your others; really enjoyed them. You should do some more for children."

Bella sucked in her lip. "I don't know… Gianna did the illustrations for my other one. It would be odd working with a different artist. Before the surrogacy, I'd been considering going back to school. Maybe get my teaching degree."

That idea intrigued me. We weren't far from a college…

"Are you staying with Edward while you do that?" Alice asked excitedly. Jasper's foot shot out to kick her at the same time my elbow connected with her ribs. "Ouch! You know, I find it ironic that we all grin and bear Edward's inappropriate remarks or questions, but I ask one little thing regarding him that we _all_ want to know and everyone freaks out."

"What did I miss?" Emmett's head popped out between me and Alice. "You getting yourself in trouble again, Ed?"

"I didn't say a thing," I announced, the picture of innocence.

His head turned to his little sister. "You're the guilty party!"

She smacked his hand away as he started to ruffle her hair. "It's not a big deal. It's not like I asked if they're sleeping together yet. And that really freakin' hurt, Edward! Your elbow is bony."

"Your ribs are," I countered with a grin. "And by the way, you have something green in your hair. It's really disgusting. You're making me feel more than a little ill sitting here next to you."

She began laughing as I pointed it out to Emmett, and he extracted the mush. The heat was off Bella and I, and Alice had learned not to ask intrusive questions. I hoped. It would be so typical for my decade-long crush to come out in a situation like this now that I'd decided to approach it in a different way. It did make me realize that I would have to make a move on that soon if I had any hope of Bella seeing me solely as the man I was now.

"Hey, here comes your cousin, Emily!" Jasper was the first to spot Rosalie emerging with Nathan in her arms. Emily didn't pause in her drinking to take a look. She was more fascinated with her dad's chin as she drank.

Alice whipped around. "Aw! Can I hold him? Want to come see Aunt Alice, sweetheart? You are such a good boy letting Mommy get through dinner."

I shifted more towards Bella to allow the baby to be passed over the back of the couch. Bella slid forward and leaned over my legs to peer at him in Alice's arms. A smile lit up her face. It inspired my own smile. It didn't hurt that Bella's hands were on my leg as she cooed at him either.

"I swear he's grown since Tuesday," Bella commented.

"You're so lucky you get to see him all the time." Alice made a face as she realized that was a comment worthy of me. "Gosh, I'm sorry, Bella."

"Don't be!" Bella brushed it off with a warm smile.

"I can't even imagine how you would feel seeing him," Alice gushed. "Is it weird for you?"

"Alice…" Emmett sang a gentle warning into her ear as I tensed.

Bella shook her head. "No. Honestly, it's no problem. Seeing him… or Alice's questions. Everyone should stop jumping on her."

This brought an instant smug grin to Alice's face. It softened into admiration as she addressed Bella. "It must be such a relief for you to see how healthy he is. I'm really sorry, but this is strange for me. It's almost like there's two different babies – your baby and then Rose and Emmett's baby. I keep thinking it's impossible for you to have been through so much while you were pregnant and have a healthy baby. But when I see this beautiful little guy, he's just my nephew – my brother's new baby. Is _that_ weird for you?" Nervous babbling Alice was back in full force. "I don't know whether to call him your baby or Rose and Em's baby –"

"How 'bout 'Nathan'?" Jasper suggested softly, trying to stop her before she really got going. "Just call him Nathan, darlin'."

"Oh. Right." Alice looked mortified. I genuinely felt bad for her. In a way, I completely understood where she was coming from. I had a hard time not thinking of him as Bella's baby as well when he was born.

One glance at Bella told me she was feeling just as bad for Alice. "Nathan is one hundred percent Rosalie and Emmett's baby boy. But I have a huge soft spot for him, how about that?"

Alice's eyes filled with tears as she nodded. "That's perfect, thanks," she squeaked out. Holding Nathan in her arm closest to me, she reached across to give Bella's hand a squeeze and whispered, "Thank you."

"Oh my god, he smells good," I blurted out as a blast of something fresh hit me. "That's him, right?"

Once again, my family laughed at my ignorance of all things baby. That didn't bother me as much as _why_ everything seemed so foreign to me. Had he smelled like this in the hospital? Did Emily smell this way? Why had I never noticed this before?

Alice peered at me as I leaned in to inspect Nathan a little closer. "This is where you tell me _my_ baby stinks, right?"

"Shut up," I scoffed. "I've never even noticed that they smell before. Seriously, Alice… did Emily smell like this?"

"What? Like a baby? Yes, Edward, she did. She still does when she's not covered in peas and zucchini."

I raised my eyebrows in interest. "Guess I'll have to sniff her more often."

"You need to hold him," Alice challenged.

I shook my head. "No. Really, I don't."

"You do!" She giggled at me as used to when I'd refuse to jump around at concerts with her in the old days. "Come on, Edward. I know you want to!"

I looked at her skeptically. Then at Nathan in wonder. What would he feel like? "I'll probably drop him. What if he cries?"

Bella gave my leg a squeeze. "You won't drop him," she said in soft encouragement. "We'll spot you."

In a last effort to escape what was coming, I looked to my sister who was perched on the arm of Jasper's chair. She smiled at me easily as she stroked Emily's hair. Then she winked at me. Fuck.

I blew out a huge breath and cleared my throat. As if that would help me not drop the baby the moment he was handed to me. I didn't even know how to go about picking him up. I hadn't had any pets to practice on as a child. My parents were too worried that I would be allergic or, at the very least, have something else to irritate my airways. Having my siblings only months younger than me didn't expose me to anything this small either. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"How do I…?" I went at him with both hands as I turned my body towards Alice.

"You just stay there. I'll put him in your arms." Alice was through teasing. She was looking at me proudly as I sat back. "Just cradle him, like I was. Watch his head. Make sure it stays rested on your arm. You'll be fine, Uncle Edward."

My hands trembled as she stood to reposition him. It looked so easy to her. And he looked comfortable with her. "Maybe you should just hang onto him. He looks happy. Bella? You want him?"

She smiled at me, shaking her head. "You first. This is something I've been waiting to see."

That put a whole new spin on it. _Bella_ wanted to see me hold the baby. And he did smell good. I put my arms out with confidence. "Okay. Give him here."

Alice settled him into my arms with the greatest of care, stroking his little cheek before she left him with me. There he was. In my arms. I was no longer shaking, and I hadn't dropped him.

"He's heavier than I thought," I remarked. "He's so small. He looks like he'd weigh nothing."

No one said a word, but I knew all eyes were on me. Mine were glued to the baby boy in my arms. "Hi," I whispered. He fidgeted and looked like he was about to cry, but then he settled in with a sigh. A wide smile grew on my face as I gazed down at him. He had the tiniest little nose I'd ever seen and rosy red lips. Every now and then, his little tongue poked out between them, and he'd make a strange grunting noise. His fingers never stopped moving. One moment they'd be fisted up and then spread open, crossed then fisted again. His nails had been trimmed. Examining his face more closely, I saw the faint line of a scratch near his chin. Probably from trying to suck on his thumb.

"Hey, little guy," I whispered to him, growing more comfortable. "Hi, Nathan. Do you remember me? I remember you. You've kicked me a lot. We'll talk about that when you're older." Feeling bolder, I cradled him in one arm, freeing the other to run a finger along his hair. "So soft," I murmured. "You feel like a little bunny."

If anyone laughed at my quiet conversation with my nephew, I didn't notice. Nothing else seemed to exist at the moment. His eyes were so clear. They were a deep blue, similar to Rosalie's, and they stared back at me with the same intensity with which I was admiring him "I petted a bunny once. In a zoo. A petting zoo, appropriately enough. It was shaking and nervous, but so was I. He ate a carrot from my hand. He didn't bite like I thought he would. When he trusted me, and I trusted him, he let me pet him. He was soft. But you're softer. Do you trust me, Nathan? Not yet? Maybe? A little bit?" He squirmed and flailed his arms around. His fingers came up to my mouth, and I placed a little kiss on them.

"You're so tiny," I said in wonder. "But so strong. You've always been strong, haven't you? You're so different from me when I was your age. So, so different. You were good to Bella, Nathan. Thank you for that. One day, I'm going to take you out and really thank you for that. We'll go see the bunnies. Would you like that? We can feed them and pet them. Then we'll wash up and have some ice cream. Maybe go to the park? Slides are fun. They can be scary at first, but I'd be right there with you. I'll show you how to not fall. I won't let you fall, Nathan." His fingers plucked around my mouth and chin as I spoke to him. I stopped to nibble on them, and he squirmed some more.

I laughed softly when he yawned. "Am I boring you? I don't blame you. There are much more interesting faces to look at. Can he actually see? Like, full details of faces and stuff?" I finally looked away from him to ask the knowing crowd. My eyes went from one stunned face to the next. There was not a dry eye in the room.

~ 0 ~

Rosalie clung to me as we said our goodbyes at the door. "I wish you could stay longer."

"Have to keep the visits short," I explained, kissing the top of her head. "Four hours tops. Then Bella's boobs turn into pumpkins."

My sister snorted out a chuckle as Bella's jaw dropped. "Pumpkins?"

"Yeah, you know… that princess story thingy… where she turns into a pumpkin at midnight or whatever?"

Bella clutched her stomach to laugh. And she laughed hard. "Edward! It's a stage coach that turns into a pumpkin, not the girl. Or her boobs!"

"Alice's boobs turned into pumpkins when she was nursing. It was really cool," Jasper interjected with a naughty smirk. His wife scowled at him on her way to embrace Bella.

"I'm so glad you came over tonight. I wish we lived closer. I feel like you're family even though we're just getting to know each other. Will you come to Seattle with Edward sometime? We have lots of room. You can stay with us. All of you! Please come. We miss you all so much!"

Rosalie joined in their girl circle hug as my brothers held their respective babies. I stood there scratching my head and thinking of Bella's pumpkins and ice cream.

"Do they have pumpkin flavoured ice cream?" I asked when Bella and I got in the car. "I feel like ice cream."

"I don't know about that," Bella responded.

"You don't know if there's pumpkin ice cream, or you don't know if we should have ice cream, period?"

"All I know is that I want to hug the life out of you."

I chuckled, shifting the car back into park. "Okay!"

Her seltbelt flew off and she was on me in a flash. "You still smell like him," she murmured as she gripped me.

I thought it was a good thing, after realizing how much I enjoyed his scent. Maybe she didn't. "Is that good?"

"It's awesome, Edward. So awesome." She gave me a firmer squeeze and a kiss on the jaw before moving back to her own seat. "Now, let's get some ice cream. We have about forty minutes until my boobs turn orange."

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Thank you Shug, for fixing this up so quickly! Thank you msj, for fixing _me_ up, as always. :) And thank you to my readers for sticking with the frustration of a sloooow burn that I love to write, and for understanding when I don't respond to reviews. It means so much. XX ~ SR_


	21. Chapter 20

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 20**

Bella made a few more cracks about her pumpkins before she let it drop. Either she realized that my blurt about her boobs in front of my family embarrassed me to no end, or she caught me ogling them a few too many times for her own comfort. In truth, my comment had been made as a joke, but I would be remiss in saying that I hadn't noticed them. They were quite mesmerizing, in fact. High, and full, and when she wore my favourite blue nightie now, they popped out revealing some sweet cleavage. They were very appealing to say the least. There was nothing about Bella that was unappealing, of course. As someone who found her toe-pinching enticing, her swollen boobs catching my eye shouldn't come as a shock.

Both of us also received a phone call from Jasper, clearing the air for his concerned wife. Alice was afraid she had offended Bella with her questions, and put me off… again. I was very used to Alice's ways, and told him such. No harm, no foul on my part. Bella seemed even less disturbed by my sister-in-law's prodding. In fact, she even called Alice herself to "put her mind at ease" or whatever. That left me bewildered, and I slipped momentarily back into my old ways of paranoia and gloom.

For just a moment, I feared that Alice and Jasper were trying to get on Bella's good side to take her away from me somehow. I wasn't certain of their full intent – whether it was to be better friends to her than I was, or to convince her that she should never, ever date the brother of an ex – I just felt that no good could come of it for me.

Then it hit me. There was no one in the world more capable of being Bella's best friend than me. Jasper knew that all along. He wouldn't be looking to maim his ego again. He couldn't be trying to dissuade her from a further relationship with me either; he had given his full blessings. I found myself turning to Aro, in my mind, recalling the methods he had taught to chase away harmful, negative thoughts. There was no proof that my brother was out to hurt me in any way. In fact, there was proof that he was completely for _whatever_ made me happy. Looking at it freshly, I realized they weren't treating Bella as a tool to get to me. They never brought up their defunct romance, even in jest. It seemed like they were going out of their way to get to know the woman Bella had become and make her feel comfortable with my family. It was exactly what they had done when I'd brought Lauren into their lives. That was the proof I needed to talk myself out of the dumps. Jasper and Alice were treating Bella like a woman of interest to _me_.

Even knowing this, I grew uncomfortable when I called Jasper a few days later just to check in. He joked about me being the "slowest moving man on Earth" when I denied any further developments with Bella. It didn't feel right to be talking to him about that. I decided to voice my concerns with Rosalie when she stopped by at work the next week.

"I can understand how you feel, Edward. It would be weird with their past. But trust me, Jazz is honestly on board with this. He knows how happy you would be with Bella, and that's all he wants. That's all any of us want."

I nodded my understanding as I sipped from the coffee she'd brought me.

She gave me a coy grin so I'd know what was coming. "You _are_ taking this kind of slow."

"I know!" I hissed out my frustration with myself. "I know that. I just… I don't know. I guess I'm afraid to change anything."

"Why is that?" she asked softly. "What is it that you're afraid of happening with change?"

I shrugged. "If she still doesn't think of me that way… I mean, if it's still a best friend thing and I try to make it more, I could lose her."

"Do you really think you could chase Bella away entirely?"

"Did it once," I reminded her.

"That wasn't you. That was our brother-turned-asshole for a year. I know she regrets it."

I eyed her suspiciously. "She told you that?"

"Yep." My sister was the master of coyness. Her smirk normally amused me; now it was irritating. "I think what you're really afraid of is rejection."

Laughing raucously, I headed for the trash can to dispose of my cup. I drained it, tossed it, and turned back to her. "Of course I am, silly sister. I would not be me, if not."

"Edward…" She placed her hands on my shoulders and stared me down. "Don't be you. Just this once, don't let your fears hold you back."

"Don't be me?" I smirked.

"Right. Forget that." Rosalie laughed softly, the warm of her love for me swimming in her eyes. "Be the best you that you know how to be. That's the solution."

"That's it?" I laughed along with her.

"That'll win her."

I stared over her shoulder, contemplating her words. Would it? Was that enough? Was I being a complete fool for stalling this way? "Thanks for the coffee. And the advice. I'll let you know how it goes."

"Can you show me instead? Emmett and I want to talk to you and Bella about something. Maybe Thursday night. Is that all right with you?"

I stooped slightly to give her a kiss on the cheek. "It's a little soon to be expecting me to have wowed her –"

"Win. Not wow."

"I can't wow?" I scoffed. "Thanks for the show of faith!"

"Just win, Edward. See you Thursday?"

I nodded and hugged her. "See you Thursday. Prepare to be wowed."

~ 0 ~

I was actually grateful to my siblings for nudging me forward. I'd spent a third of my life in love with this girl who was now right within arm's reach. Not only that, but the friendship we'd had – the inexplicable bond – was just as intense as it always had been. It was ridiculous to be afraid to move forward. She deserved to know how I've always felt about her. My only problem was determining how to go about it. I didn't want it to be a simple revealing of my teenaged crush on her. It was more than that. In all honesty, I'd fallen in love with her all over again these past months. If I'd just met her, I'd be falling at her feet, begging for a chance with her. I felt that if I could combine those two somehow, that would be the ultimate way to go about it.

My solution came to me by helping a friend after work. Ben had arranged to adopt a kitten for his niece as her birthday gift. He was on a lengthy call and was going to miss his pick-up time at the shelter. I ran out to retrieve the kitten for him while he finished up. It was there, waiting for all of the animal's papers to be checked out that inspiration hit.

Pooks flashed into my mind – the tired old stuffed dog that sat in Bella's room at Gran's house. The replacement for the puppy she'd had to give up. Before I could think it over and talk myself out of it, I was inquiring about an adoption of my own.

~ 0 ~

It was difficult for me to contain my excitement and keep the secret for the two days the shelter was holding the puppy I'd selected. They were running final tests on him to ensure he was in good health since he had been abandoned. The little guy was malnourished, but they felt certain he'd perk up with a little loving and a lot of food. Bella's puppy would get plenty of both.

"What are you grinning about?" Bella asked as we carried our garbage-filled trays to the trash can. "You've been like a kid at Christmas all week. Do tacos thrill you this much?"

I had pestered her all day to not cook for us. I wanted to get to the shelter as soon as possible so I made her agree to meet me for a dinner out. I'd planned to take her to a little restaurant across the street from the animal shelter, but Taco Bell lured us in on the way. It wasn't the most romantic setting, but it did cut down the waiting time until we could get her puppy.

"Double-stuffed? Are you kidding me? Who wouldn't be excited by that?" I took her hand as she headed in the wrong direction, tugging her in the opposite way.

"Aren't we going home?"

My shit-eating grin grew to enormous proportions. "Nope. I've got a surprise for you."

She raised an eyebrow at me, squinting in disapproval. "I don't need anything, Edward… unless it's ice cream."

I rolled my eyes at her dramatically. "If you keep up with this ice cream thing, I'm gonna get fat again."

"More of you to love!" She dashed ahead of me, only to turn around and give my sides a squeeze.

My smile couldn't get any bigger, and my heart felt like it was swollen four times its normal size. God, I loved this woman. "Come on, he's waiting for us." I took her hand once more and practically raced to the shelter.

"What…? Edward, what are we doing here?" She paused, looking up at the sign outside the shelter.

"Remember I told you that I picked up a kitten for Ben the other day? Well, this is your surprise." I held the door open for her and followed her inside. The same lady who I'd made the arrangements with was behind the counter.

"Edward! Right on time. He's all ready for you."

"That's awesome, thank you."

"This is your friend you told me about?" She smiled, tipping her head towards Bella.

My arm went proudly around her waist. "Yep. Bella will be the owner."

"Owner…?"

"You didn't tell her?" The woman looked skeptical.

"It's a surprise. It'll be fine," I assured her hurriedly. "She'll fall in love with him the minute she sees him, too. Trust me."

"Edward?" Bella turned to me with a hesitant smile. "Who will I fall in love with? What did you do?"

Another employee led Bella's puppy out from the back on a leash. The puppy came right to me when I squatted down to greet him.

"Hey, fella! Remember me?" I clamped my eyes shut as he covered my face with his own greeting. "I guess you do. Or do you kiss everyone that way?"

Bella laughed as she squatted down beside me. "Nothing like doggy kisses, huh? Is this a friend of yours? We haven't met." Holding her hand out for the puppy to sniff, she knelt down to get more comfortable. The puppy sniffed then licked her hand before she gave him some ear-rubbing.

"I hope you mean that – I have a feeling you'll be getting a lot of doggy kisses. He's yours, Bella. I adopted him for you."

She sat back on her feet, staring at me in disbelief. "You…? He's…? You got this puppy for me? For real?"

I nodded, smiling as she embraced the puppy. As predicted, he loved her up in his own special way, leaving one side of her face dripping with puppy slobber. I laughed, wiping her cheek with my sleeve. "I think he's in love with you already," I stated softly. I crouched down close to her. "Is this okay?"

Still hugging the dog, she nodded frantically as her eyes pooled with tears.

I gave him a quick rub as I placed a kiss on the top of Bella's head. "Then let's get him home. I've got some stuff for him already. I've been stashing it in the car in the garage."

"So devious," Bella scolded playfully as she wiped away her tears. Her smile was unbelievably beautiful. "Can we take him now? Really?"

It was as simple as that to make Bella utterly blissful. This dog was a reject. A mutt. He clearly had some Beagle in him, but I couldn't figure out what else. The folks at the shelter felt he was part Doberman. His legs were long and spindly. He looked awkward and bounced around with so much enthusiasm, he was hilarious to watch. And Bella loved him already; I could see it in her eyes.

We walked home as the puppy dictated: sometimes at a trot, and other times at a standstill. Whichever way, her arm stayed firmly around my waist, gripping my shirt and squeezing my side from time to time. Her other hand happily held the leash, though I would occasionally grab hold to help her control the puppy when he got too carried away. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to strain herself and set back her recovery. I offered to run in and get her a cone when we neared our ice cream place, but she declined.

"I just want to get him home."

I pulled her just a little closer as I gave her waist a squeeze of my own. It truly felt like it was our home. I hoped I could pull off the remainder of my plan. Suddenly, I was afraid this adoption seemed a little desperate – as though I needed a reason to ask her to stay forever.

At home, I went to retrieve the puppy supplies while Bella took him up to our apartment. It was a struggle hauling the twenty pound bag of kibble along with the two bags of canned food, dishes and toys, but I made it with everything intact. Maybe I _could_ haul stretchers up and down the stairs. I chuckled at myself for comparing this to an impossible job.

Bella was on the floor with him when I came in, dropping the goodies just inside the door. "Bella! What are you doing?" I rushed over and lifted her to her feet. The puppy began rummaging through the bags with excitement. "You're still recovering from surgery – you shouldn't be on the floor that way."

"I didn't want him to get on your furniture," she explained with a furrowed brow. "What if you _are_ allergic?"

My stomach sank. Hearing her refer to the furniture as 'mine' was like a kick in the gut. "I'm a big boy, Bella. If I didn't think I could handle having a dog in the apartment, I wouldn't have adopted him for you."

Her eyes lowered in embarrassment. "Sorry. Of course you know what you can handle."

Furious with myself for acting like a child and making her feel bad, I guided her over to the couch. "I've had tests. I'm not allergic to dogs. Or cats. There are certain chemicals and grasses that irritate me, but my mother's worry was for nothing. Having him here won't worsen my asthma or hinder my health in any way." Glancing over towards the door, I saw the puppy happily chewy on a squeaky toy bone.

She smiled warmly at me. "That's good. Really good." Her head dipped down shyly, and she reached for my hand. I turned my palm to accept her hand in mine and our fingers closed around each other's. "I can't believe you got me a puppy!" She rested her head on my shoulder and began laughing almost hysterically.

"What's so funny?" I had intended this to be a sweet gesture – had I done something really asinine?

Controlling herself, she placed a soft kiss on my jaw. "Only you would do something like this. Edward… we have a problem."

I shifted to ease away from her. My heart was pounding, and I didn't want her to feel it. "You don't really want him?" I asked tentatively.

"No!" Bella twisted to face me. "I absolutely want him! He's adorable, Edward! Who wouldn't want him?"

"Then the problem is…?"

"I have to go back to Phoenix, remember? It's really bad timing."

Phoenix. Right. She was leaving. "Oh. Right."

"I'd take him with me, but we're flying –"

"Flying?" My brows lifted in confusion. I didn't know she had made arrangements yet, and she was flying there? Seriously?

"I don't want to be afraid of flying all my life," she explained quietly. "Better to get back on the horse, right? My dad will be there with me."

"Charlie's going?" Part of me felt hugely relieved that she wouldn't be alone. Another part felt left out. "I didn't know you were going so soon. I could have made arrangements to go with you."

She reached over and cupped my cheek in her hand. "Then who would look after our puppy?"

Just like that, my heart swelled again. _Our puppy._

"We'll only be gone a few days. I don't want to leave Rosalie short on milk for Nathan. I've been freezing as much as possible to tide them over. It's really lousy timing to have to go do this now, especially with the puppy, too." Her gaze turned to him affectionately. "The lawyer wants to get everything finalized with the estate. I'm the last one to sign off on it. I'm sorry, Edward. It can't wait. Besides, I just found out the school is having a memorial for Marcus and Gianna this weekend as well. I should be there. It's a perfect chance to finalize everything at once."

I nodded my understanding slowly. Of course she would want to be at the memorial. I felt selfish for my first thoughts being she made all of these arrangements without me. Really, I was more concerned about her than my own selfish doubts. "You're really going to be all right flying? So soon after surgery and all?"

"It's been over a month. The doctor cleared me for that. And like I said, Dad will be with me." She focused fully on me once more. "I don't want you worrying about me, okay? The incision is healing great. My kidneys are fine. And I have to prove to myself that I'm not going to be fearful about flying after the accident. Please understand?"

I grinned at her sheepishly. "You can't expect me not to worry. But I do understand." Of course Bella would pick herself right back up. She was strong that way. It's one of the things I admired most about her. "And don't you worry about the puppy. I'll take him to work with me if I have to."

She chuckled at me. "You can't take a dog into work, Edward. What if he tears the apartment up while you're gone?"

I shrugged. "I'll fix it when I come home."

"And if he pees?"

"I'll mop it up."

"Poop?" She smirked at me.

I made a disgusted face. "I'll pinch my nose, gag, and clean it up."

"And then disinfect." She snickered, knowing that would be my routine exactly.

"We'll be fine," I assured her. In truth, having her puppy – no, _our_ puppy – would help me miss her less. Maybe not worry for her safety any less, but I would know that she was coming back. "We can't keep calling him 'the puppy'. What are you going to name him? Pooks?" I suggested with a smirk.

Her face lit up. "You do remember! God, that was the first thing I thought of, but then I told myself I was being silly. Why would you remember that?"

_I remember every detail of every minute I ever spent with you, Bella._ "It was the saddest story I'd ever heard." I teased her instead of saying what was on my mind. "The minute I saw this guy, I knew he had to be yours."

"Don."

"Huh?"

"Don. That's his name. Don Everly." She beamed proudly as she named him.

"Don Everly," I repeated with a grin. "A tribute to Gran?"

"And you," she confessed. "Because every time you've sang to me it seemed like you were salvaging a little piece of my soul. You've always been there when I needed you most. Just like Gran. The two people I could always count on. The two people who made me feel safe and wanted."

I was struggling to digest her words, but I managed to stay on track. "Don Everly, it is then," I concurred softly. Don Everly decided to join us just then, bringing his new best toy along with him. He sprawled across our laps as I considered Bella's words silently. She remembered details, as well. I'd sung to her twice without her asking: once in her room at Gran's and once in her hospital room while she was comatose. The third time was her first request when she woke up. Was she only thinking of Phoenix when she asked me to sing her to sleep in the hospital? Or had she heard me in her deepest of sleeps? If she'd heard me singing, had she heard everything else I'd said to her as well?

~ 0 ~

"Don should have his own bed." Bella had the puppy between her legs on our bed when I went in for the night. "Don't you think?"

I shrugged. "Sure. We can go pick one out tomorrow – oh crap, we can't. Rosalie and Emmett are coming over."

"And my dad's coming up on Friday. We're driving to Seattle and flying out from there."

Just the mention of her departure put me in a little funk. "It's just as well then. I won't be lonely if Don's with me."

Bella chuckled as she rubbed Don's belly. "You be sure to be extra good to Edward while I'm gone, okay, Don? I won't be away for long. You can have my spot while I'm gone. Edward likes to cuddle."

I snorted as I climbed into bed. "You're the cuddler. I have no choice in the matter."

Her jaw dropped. "Oh my god! Does it bother you? You never said anything! Well now I feel stupid –"

Laughing, I snuggled up to her, resting my head against her shoulder. "I'm teasing, Bella." I gave Don a quick pat before throwing my arm around Bella's waist. "I would choose to cuddle with you anytime."

"I _am_ a good cuddler," she boasted. Her right hand left the dog and came up to stroke my hair. "You're not bad either," she said softly. She continued running her fingers through my hair as Don rolled onto his back for a one-handed belly rub.

"Jesus… if this feels this good, I wonder how Don feels. Is it wrong to be jealous of a dog?"

Bella snickered against my head. "You want a belly rub?"

"Yes, please," I responded, laughing. I was only partially joking. Just in case she wasn't joking, I rolled over on my back next to her and lifted my t-shirt.

Instantly, Bella was in stitches. I began to lower my shirt but hesitated when she stopped laughing abruptly. Her eyes wandered over from the dog to my exposed torso. They moved slowly, taking in every detail – much the same way I stole looks at her. Her tongue flicked over her bottom lip before she bit down on it. Her left hand moved hesitantly towards me. Don had the right hand. I silently cursed him for being the luckiest dog. I flinched at the first contact. Her fingers seemed to send an electrical current through my veins. I could feel her in every nerve ending. She didn't draw her hand away, instead, placing it flat at the edge of my rib cage.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "Ticklish."

"I knew you'd be ticklish." Her voice was soft and breathy. I'd never heard her sound this way. "You seem like you'd be ticklish."

"It's not really a bad thing," I informed her. It was rather arousing, truth be told. Particularly when it was accompanied by that sweet, husky voice.

I expected her to make a joke of it – at the very least pull her hand back. Instead, her fingertips roamed the lay of the land, so to speak, searching for tickle spots or just trying to drive me insane. I huffed out a breath with a shiver when she swirled around my bellybutton. It was better than growling. She glanced over at me with no sign of teasing or shyness in her eyes. Her palm flattened against me and moved towards my chest.

"My arm won't bend that way," she announced. "I wanted to see what other reactions you'd have."

There was a glaringly obvious one if she'd look down. Our eyes were locked on each other, however, and something told me it was the moment I was waiting for. "I want to kiss you."

The corner of Bella's lips twitched, and her eyes fled briefly to my mouth before locking gazes again.

"I really, really want to kiss you right now. Would it be okay?"

Her response was nonverbal. She lowered her head towards me, wetting her lips lightly with the tip of her tongue. I reached for her, cupping her face as she bent over me. I could feel the warmth of her mouth even before it met with mine. My heart was thundering, and I had a sudden wish that I'd taken a hit off my inhaler before I'd stretched out in the first place. Time seemed to be frozen with our lips just a breath apart. And then they met. Warm, sweet and welcoming – so amazingly welcoming.

The feel of her lips on mine was better than anything I'd ever imagined, and I craved more. I needed more. Protests began running through my head: _This is Bella… Is this right? It's too much. Slow down. Don't take too much. She could hurt –_

"Bella," I murmured against her mouth. We each took a breath and went back for more. This time, she seemed to have the same cravings, the same needs I did. Her mouth pressed more aggressively against me, and her lips parted. I took her cue and trailed the tip of my tongue over them. _This is Bella. And she's mine! _And I moaned.

We both broke to chuckle a little. Of course our first kiss wouldn't be without some awkward comedy on my part. I eased my hold on her to give her the chance to escape, if that's what she wanted. I smiled at her when she grabbed hold of me instead. Her right hand finally joined in, taking a tour of my stomach while her left gripped my head and pulled me towards her. I went up on one elbow to meet her halfway, and our kiss exploded into hot lips melting together and tongues timidly poking at each other. My neck was twisted oddly so I switched sides, but then she was at a strange angle and we switched it up again, frantically searching for just the right position. We banged noses at one point but kissed through our laughter. We were both in the same place at the same time – both striving to find a way to make this kiss work and be momentous.

Just when we got it going really well, her fingers took on a life of their own below, sending tantalizing shivers through my body. She swirled the hair around my navel and stroked my abdomen in a frenzied rhythm. Oh dear lord… if she didn't stop that I wouldn't be able –

"Umph!" I cried out in shock and agony as pain travelled from my groin straight up to my teeth.

Bella pulled away in confusion. "What happened? What did I do?"

"Not… you…" I hissed between clenched teeth. "Don."

She looked at the puppy now sprawled on my belly, panting happily. "Did he bite?"

"No!" I groaned. "He must have been going for your hand. Don Everly sacked me! Oh Jesus…" I turned onto my side, rolling him off my body as I cupped the jewels. He wasn't a massive dog, thank heavens, but being sacked in the state I was in was the most agonizing thing I'd ever experienced. I remembered Jasper crying once when we were kids. He'd been doing stunts on a BMX bike and landed wrong. He took the front of the saddle to the nuts and he was down for the count. I didn't think it would hurt that much more than a broken bone, let's say, and I'd had plenty of those. I suddenly felt my brother's pain. He was fucking right. This was worse than a fracture. I just prayed it wouldn't take six weeks to heal like a bone did.

Bella pulled the puppy away so he wouldn't jump on me again. He was in a playful mood. She hugged him against one side and reached for me. "Jesus… I'm… Can I do anything?"

"Uh…" A strangled, high-pitched sound came out of my throat, and Don Everly replied with a yelp of his own. "You! You just wait pal… you are so gonna be neutered."

Bella put her hand over her mouth to stifle her laugh. It didn't do any good. There was laughter in her eyes. "I'm sorry!" She spewed an apology that I knew was sincere.

I pulled the pillow over my head to hide my pained expression. I was currently at the point where I didn't know if I would laugh along with her or cry. The bed shifted as Bella got off, and I heard her struggling with the dog. Then the door closed and she was beside me, sitting on the edge.

"I'm really sorry, Edward. I wasn't laughing at you. It was… the neutered thing…" Her hand stroked my back.

"It's okay," I mumbled from under the pillow. "I know. I'll laugh about it, too. Once I can breathe."

There was only a moment of hesitation before she proved herself to be female. "Is it that bad?"

~ 0 ~

I still wasn't ready to laugh about it when we were all alone, trying to fall asleep. I had been able to walk, miraculously – enough to take Don out for a pee anyway. Of course, I'd locked myself in the bathroom beforehand, performing a thorough examination on myself, ensuring I still possessed two intact testicles. The searing pain in my lower abdomen didn't allow me to laugh quite yet. It was just my luck that the puppy I'd hoped would demonstrate the depth of my love for Bella would be the very one to destroy our first romantic moment.

"I'm going to go buy him a bed tomorrow," Bella told me quietly. Don was currently locked out of our bedroom and clawing at the door in defiance. "Do you think he'll be all right on his own for about half an hour?"

"I'll go on my way home from work."

"Your sister's coming –"

"I know. The store is on my way. You have to pack. I don't want you over-doing it."

Don began whining along with his clawing.

"We shouldn't have let him in here to begin with."

I snorted. "I'll get the dog bed tomorrow."

Don whimpered.

I groaned. "He sounds so pathetic out there."

"I know." Bella turned onto her side, facing me. "I'm sorry that happened," she said softly. "That was really nice."

I raised a curious eyebrow.

"I mean the kiss – not the puppy jumping on you and me laughing. Shit, I feel so horrible about that."

I managed a grin at least. "It _was_ really nice."

Now she looked shy. She tucked her head down and scurried over to lie against me. "I'm glad it happened now. Before I go to Phoenix."

"Yeah?" I curled my arm around her, snuggling her in even closer. "I thought maybe it was too soon."

I felt her body tense up as her head tipped back to look at me. "Don't make me laugh again."

"What?" Finally, a chuckle escaped. "We've only known each other ten years."

"Twelve. It will be twelve in September," she corrected me.

Since the kiss – pre-sacking – had gone so well, I felt bold. "When do you think it should have happened?"

"Twelve years ago in September." There was a few long beats that my heart inched up into my throat before she laughed. And then she kissed me. It lacked the fire of the kiss that had been cut short, but it ranked just as high. It was sweet and tender, and it told me there could – and would – be more.

"Mmm, sweet…" I mumbled as we parted with several soft pecks. "Jesus, he's driving me nuts. I can't stand that he's out there crying."

Bella sat up. "I know! Should I go out there with him?"

I shook my head. "That's setting a bad example. Don Everly is not stealing my girl from my bed." I smirked at her as I got up. "I'm gonna go get him. Be right back."

I didn't even have to leave the room. I opened the door an inch, and the anxious puppy barrelled through, straight to the bed. He snuggled up to Bella for some much needed sympathy, and I took what space was remaining. Working together to calm him, we spoke in hushed tones and petted him soothingly to let him know it was time to wind down.

"So… eventful day." Bella continued to speak softly even after Don Everly was fast asleep between us.

"Yep," I agreed with a light chuckle. I rubbed at my eyes, tired through and through but unwilling to let them close. I wanted to look at Bella every second that I could. "What's more monumental? The puppy or…"

Bella wiggled to get a little closer to me without disturbing our newest roommate. "Definitely _'or_.'" Her fingers traced my jawline as she smiled at me. "I've been waiting a long time to hear you say that."

"Seriously?" My voice came out loud and surprisingly high for any man.

Bella giggled and clamped her hand over my mouth. "Shhh! You'll wake the puppy!" She then replaced her hand with her lips, soft and warm. "Seriously."

"In that case, why didn't _you_ ever say it?" I whispered.

She shook her head. "I couldn't."

"Couldn't say the words? Or do it?" This was a very interesting development.

"I almost did… once. You kinda freaked out."

My hand ran through my hair as I struggled to recall when that would have been. When had Bella ever tried to kiss me?

"It was just… I couldn't. I couldn't do that to you. Forget it. I'm just glad you finally made the move. I wanted you to know that, now that we don't have someone whining at the door." Her teeth clenched onto her bottom lip as she fisted some of my t-shirt. "Anything you want to say?"

"Are we being completely honest here?"

"Completely," she whispered against my cheek.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and spewed, "You're on my side of the bed."

I felt her huff against my skin. Didn't see the look of astonishment on her face since my eyes were closed, but I could envision it. I'd seen the expression many times when I spouted off something completely unexpected. I opened one eye so I could focus better and see if she was at the amused stage yet. She was getting there.

"Seriously. I sleep on the right. I've given it up to you because you were pregnant and then recovering, and you seemed to settle right into it. But I miss it. That's my side. You're sleeping on my side."

Her body shook with restrained laughter. I even tried to help her stay quiet by kissing her. She laughed through that too. This was us – comfortable together. Sure, I realized that I should have told her the other truth – the one about being in love with her for twelve years in September, but that would come. It would need a lot more talking, and I didn't want anything to mar the memory of our first kisses.

"You're sure that's all you want to tell me?"

I cocked an eyebrow at her haughtily. "You're a persistent little thing! Okay, fine… Bella Swan, you are the most gorgeous human being I've ever laid eyes on. Honestly."

My t-shirt pulled taut as she grabbed handfuls again. "Edward…"

"Are those happy tears?" I asked softly as I brushed them away with my thumb. "Honestly."

"Happy tears, Edward. Ecstatic tears. Now get up."

"What?" There was no possible way I could get it up. Not after the trauma I'd taken just hours earlier. The tight knot was still sitting low in my abdomen, and my dick had all but turtled up inside.

"Get up. I'm going to crawl over Don. You can have your side of the bed back."

"Ohhhhh!" I laughed at my own stupidity, although I swear something twitched. It was deep within sad, hanging skin, but it was there, reminding me that it wasn't out for the count forever. I got out of bed and padded around to the other side just in time to enjoy the view of Bella on all fours. Definite twitch.

She snuggled into the spot I'd vacated, burying her nose in my pillow. "Mmmm. I love the way you leave the bed smelling."

I remained very still, lying on my side staring at her.

"What? Oh, don't tell me you need this pillow too."

"Forget it!" I held my hands up in submission. "Just forget it. Keep that pillow. I'll get used to this one."

"Honestly…" Bella shook her head at me, exasperated, but I could still make out the smile on her face. "Listen –" She held her hand up to stop me from saying anything further. "Is that…?"

"Oh my god," I groaned in disbelief before we both gave in to over-tired giggles.

"You picked a puppy that snores!"

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Hope all the beautiful moms out there had a wonderful Mother's Day. :) _

_As always, thanks to Shug, my awesome beta-reader. msj, my encouraging friend and pre-reader. And a special thanks to theonlykyla for bumping me past that ominous number. lol _

_Does everyone thank Jasper for making Edward pick up his pace? ;) Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next Monday! XX ~ SR_


	22. Chapter 21

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 21**

Bella struggled with puppy care the next day while I was at work. The moment I came home – with the dog bed in hand – she passed him off to me so that she could go "empty out" (her words). Apparently, Don Everly wasn't fond of the hum the breast pump emitted. He also didn't care to be left alone, so she couldn't even shut him out of the room. I took him in the bathroom with me while I got cleaned up. He was just fine with that. He seemed impressed by his new bed, as well. I wondered if he understood at all that it meant he would no longer be snoring, wedged between me and Bella. I somehow doubted it.

"I see you in that bed before I see Don Everly getting too cozy it in." Bella teased me when she caught me on the floor, half lying in the dog bed.

"I have a feeling you're right about that. Just when I got my side of the bed back, too. Sucks. Did you get business taken care of?"

She beamed at me. "It's in the freezer! You asked Rosalie to bring the cooler bag, right?" They transported Nathan's milk back and forth regularly – my sister knew the routine. Regardless, I had reminded her since Bella was fretting so much about leaving them short.

They were at the apartment door before I could respond. Bella stayed in the bedroom with the puppy so he wouldn't jump all over them the moment they brought the baby in.

"Hey!" I smiled widely as I opened the door for them. "Bella said to tell you ten minutes until dinner," I informed Emmett, as per instructions. She wanted to get that out there even before he asked.

He set the baby bag down and clapped his hands together. "Perfect! She knows the way to my heart."

"Edward's too," Rosalie murmured as I leaned in for a kiss. "You look different. Something's happened."

I was smiling at her keen observance but fixated on the baby in her arms. "He's grown. I only saw him a few days ago, but he's already bigger."

The proud mom smiled in agreement. "He's growing like crazy! None of his first clothes fit. It's insane!"

"Unbelievable, considering the amount of poop he puts out," Emmett contributed to the conversation. "Hope you've got a nose plug, dude, 'cause he'll be leaving his dinner behind in your trash can. Probably two or three of them."

I stared at him, baffled by the joy he seemed to feel over his son's shitting habits.

"We'll take them with us when we go," Rose assured me. "Don't worry about it. Where's Bella?"

My smile returned. "She's in the bedroom. Occupying our newest family member. We got a puppy."

Neither of them could hide their astonishment. Emmett was the first to snap out of it. "Well, bring them out! Why is she hiding?"

"We didn't want to overwhelm him. Or the baby. He's from a shelter… we only got him yesterday. I don't know how he'll be around Nathan."

"Only one way to find out." Emmett went straight for the bedroom and rapped on it. "Come on out!"

"He's been on me about getting a dog for Nathan. Apparently, every boy should grow up with a dog," Rose told me quietly. "This is good. He can get his fix through you. I can't handle a dog and a new baby."

"Yeah. The puppy poops too," I quipped, giving a nod to Emmett's fascination. I turned to find him on the floor with the puppy lapping away at his face. They both looked utterly content together. "You know you're gonna have to get that man a dog. He's just using Nathan as an excuse."

"Aw, look how cute they are together," Bella said teasingly as she joined us. She gave Rose a kiss and Nathan a cheek rub. "Hi, cutey! You get more handsome every day! Doesn't he, Edward?"

"No Pound Puppy here. Can I take him for you?" Both ladies stared at me, slack-jawed. "What?"

"You're asking to hold him? For real? Or is Alice hiding somewhere and you're beating her to the punch before she forces him on you?"

I rolled my eyes at my sister. "Shut it, you. Unless you don't trust me with him. Should I sit down?"

Even before I could move, Rose was passing the bundled baby over to me. The smell of fresh everything washed over me as I cradled him. He was wide awake this time, his eyes big and wide, staring at me. I stared back.

"He looks like he's waiting for me to do something amazing. What am I supposed to do?"

"Show him the puppy," Emmett called over. "He'll love this guy!"

"I don't think I should be the one doing that. What if he freaks out?" What if I freaked out when Nathan did?

"Nah. It'll be cool. I've got the puppy. Sit down and I'll bring him over."

The girls watched with interest as I sat with the baby, and Emmett carried the puppy over.

"Nathan, meet Don Everly." I made the introduction formally, and they cracked on us over the chosen name for the dog. "I didn't mock your choice of name. Come on," I teased back.

"I guess Nathan has two cousins now," Rosalie quipped as she sat beside me. "Alice and Don. Mom and Dad will be so proud! Have you Skype'd her?"

I shook my head as Bella laughed.

"Oh, Edward. She'll be ticked off if you don't tell her about her new grandpuppy right away."

"Rosalie, I am not having an internet chat with my dog and my mother. I'll send her a picture."

She clucked her tongue at me, knowing that wouldn't appease our mother. Bella stepped in to get me off the hook by announcing dinner. It was perfect timing all around, because Nathan was beginning to squirm in my arms and Don was anxious to get at him. The first few test sniffs didn't seem to satisfy his canine curiosity. Emmett may have revelled in the doggy kisses, but I didn't know how Nathan would take it. I was still trying to get used to them myself. In fact, I had picked up a tub of baby wipes when I shopped after work for my own use. I figured if they could clean a baby's ass, they could get dog slobber off efficiently as well. I just didn't know if they would be good enough for cleaning off Nathan. Besides, the wipes were in the other room.

Dinner was interesting with Rose shovelling her meal in one-handed, and Bella giving Emmett proper shit for feeding Don from the table. I enjoyed watching them all. Their interaction showed nothing of this being anything new. It was like Bella had never left us and Nathan was always part of the group. Don Everly was currently fetching the most attention.

Bella scolded Emmett some more after dinner for getting him so wound up. He gave Nathan a bottle while she calmed Don down. Rose and I cleaned up the kitchen.

"So, co-adopting a puppy is a big step." Rosalie smirked at me. "The wow factor?"

I glared at her playfully. "You advised me to be myself. I would do anything to make Bella happy, and she's always wanted a puppy."

"I never knew that," Rosalie said softly. "You honestly do know her better than any of us. Did it work? Have you won her over?"

I felt my ears heating up and my throat seemed to close over. I cleared it and turned away from her prying eyes.

"It did! Oh my god!" Her arms went around my waist even as she jumped up and down.

"Jesus, Rose! You're channeling Alice. Calm yourself."

"Spill it then. What happened? Something happened. You can't lie, Edward. Tell me!"

Her exuberance was contagious. My smile matched hers and she was right, I couldn't lie. "It's… we're… working on it."

Her eyes glistened with excitement for me. "Talking-working or action-working?"

"Rose!" My ears were on fire.

"What? Please, I'm not asking for details. I know you didn't do it – she can't do that yet anyway. Post-surgery. You know."

No. I didn't. I mean, it felt like it was right to wait on anything more physical, but I didn't actually consider physical restrictions. I felt stupid for not realizing that, but at the same time, grateful that Rose had been the one to throw that out there and not Bella in the midst of… action.

"We kissed some," I admitted quietly. "And talked."

"So you're together?"

I shrugged, head down. Bella wasn't my first girlfriend – why did this feel like my first everything? "It's not really us to call it something. It's just what it is."

Rosalie did another round of Alice. "This is it! Friends with benefits this is not. Anything other than that doesn't require naming."

I frowned at her. "How do you know it's not going to be something like that?"

"Pfft! Edward, I know you." She held my face in her hands. "I. Know. You. And you're not the only one who knows Bella." She grinned at me coyly.

"What do you know?"

"We talk…"

"About…? What – me?"

"Ego much, big brother?" She teased me, pinching my cheek. "Yeah, you come up sometimes. This isn't a benefits thing for her. Trust me on that." She double-pinched me and then released. "Good for you, going for what you want. This is going to be amazing."

"Rose! Did you tell him?" Emmett burst into the kitchen with Nathan in his arms as he caught the tail end of our conversation. His face showed disappointment, thinking that Rosalie had revealed something major. Well, this was major to me, but I couldn't see how it would bother Emmett if we discussed it without him.

Suddenly, I clued in to the fact that they were here to discuss something – and it wasn't my relationship with Bella. They had news. My stomach dropped, thinking the worst. I felt the hair on the back of my neck raise, and I had to swallow excessively to eliminate all the saliva building in my mouth. She couldn't be pregnant. No… they couldn't replicate the past. Nathan couldn't be me – the adopted child, big brother to the beautiful blood child of their parents.

I battled my thoughts, struggling not to let anything show. I should be thrilled for them if my sister was actually pregnant. She wanted that so badly. Nathan was foremost in my mind, however. The need to protect him from anything that could ever hurt him, even remotely, was dominating everything. My eyes were glued to him. He looked content in his father's arms. Just as beautiful as always. He wasn't me. He hadn't killed his birth mother. He wouldn't grow up with the internal shit I'd been dealing with my whole life. He was healthy and wanted. And so very loved. I would always make him feel special, no matter what.

"We should get out there with Bella," I suggested. My heart was still pounding, and I could feel a trickle of sweat running down my back even though I felt chilled. I needed to see her. Being near her would ground me. I talked to myself the whole way out, reminding myself that it was simply negative thoughts. The worst thoughts I'd ever had involved Bella, and they were proven unfounded. She'd made it through childbirth with no problems. Both she and Nathan were healthy. Nathan could be happy his entire life.

He. Wasn't. Me.

"What's wrong?" Bella whispered to me as I sat beside her. Her hand instantly grabbed onto mine. I responded with a look that she interpreted instantly. I would tell her later on.

"So, before Emmett has a coronary thinking I've ruined everything… we asked to come over for a reason." Rosalie sat on the chair opposite us, holding Nathan as Emmett perched on the arm beside them.

My hand tightened around Bella's.

Emmett and Rosalie exchanged looks, and he took over. "You know how thankful we are that you offered us the chance to adopt Nathan."

Fear continued to swirl through me.

"He means the world to us. He's better than anything we'd ever imagined." He pressed on even though he was choking up. "I think about this constantly – how if Ed and I weren't coming home from Forks that night of the accident… If you two hadn't been so close when we were kids, he wouldn't have felt the need to follow up on it…" He paused to gain a little more control. Taking a deep breath and smiling at his wife, he finally calmed down. "It's like all of this was meant to be. We were all meant to be exactly where we are in life at this point –"

"Honey, you should just get to the point. I think my brother's about to pass out." Rosalie had a serious look of concern on her face for me. I wasn't hiding my anxiety very well. I laughed to put her mind at ease. She didn't relax until Bella joined in and grasped my hand between both of hers. A knowing smile passed over Rose, and she nudged her husband.

"We would love it if you two would agree to be Nathan's godparents," Emmett blurted.

Bella gripped my hand more for herself this time. I blew out a breath of relief that there wasn't the news I'd feared, but Bella was tense.

"Oh, guys! You don't have to do that! Honestly, I don't want you to feel obligated to me in any way for Nathan –"

As she spoke, I realized she probably wasn't very comfortable with being so involved with the baby she'd carried for nine months and given to different parents. "Yeah. Really, wouldn't Alice and Jasper be better for that? Return the favour, since you're Emily's godparents?"

Both of them frowned at our reaction. "Actually, no," Rose stated. "I don't think they would be better. I think you two are the only ones in the world who would love him as much as we do. At least, that's what we thought." Her voice faded out in sadness and embarrassment. "God, this was really… I'm sorry. I didn't even think of how much we're putting you on the spot. You don't have to –"

"I _do_ love him, Rose!" Bella insisted softly. "I've always wanted the very best for him, you know that. I can't stand the thought of him losing…" Her eyes pinched shut. "It's not being a godparent that I'm opposed to – it's just really difficult to think of either of you not being around."

"That won't happen, Angel Bells," Emmett spoke with confidence. "This guy has been through the ringer, and he doesn't even know it. He came out of it perfectly fine. You have to have faith that he will never be put through anything like that again." He slid off the arm of the chair and knelt in front of Bella. "If this is asking too much of you, if you genuinely don't feel comfortable being this involved in his life – forever – you can say so. But if you're thinking that this is us repaying you for Nathan, you're wrong."

Emmett spoke gently, looking directly into her eyes. "We've never really gotten into this, but I think we should lay it out. This is a really strange arrangement. The world's most open of open adoptions." He smirked at her, dimples and all. "That's because you're family. Whether or not you gave birth to him or you agree to be his godmother, you're family because we love you. Do you understand? This isn't about you giving Nathan life and then us a chance to be parents. It's about family looking out for family. That's all. And Rose and I would be so honoured if you would be part of his life this way."

I didn't know who to focus on – Bella or Rose. Both were crying. Rose was nodding, agreeing with every word from her husband with enthusiasm. Bella looked torn between wanting to run and wanting to embrace them as her own family.

"Maybe we could think about it?" I suggested, giving Bella an out.

"I'll do it if Edward will."

My head spun to look at her. She was staring at me, challenging me to say what I wanted.

"I don't do diapers," I quipped. "Or snotty noses."

My sister hiccupped out a laugh and a sob simultaneously. It sounded like there would be snot bubbles involved, so I avoided looking.

"And you take the shitty diapers home with you. Every time."

"Watch your language, Uncle Edward," Rose reminded me with a snicker.

I was still locked on Bella, who was now smiling. "If Bella agrees, and you two aren't going to bail on us, I suppose we could do this. I already have plans to make him idolize his Uncle Edward anyway, so I guess I could do some extra stuff with him. I'll even watch him for you on occasion, if you'll reciprocate."

Emmett plunked down hard on his ass. "Something you want to tell _us_?"

"The puppy!" Bella laughed as she explained what I was referring to. "He's talking about dogsitting."

"Of course." Emmett laughed at his mistake, but Rose eyed me curiously. "Yeah, absolutely. I'll take your little guy anytime."

"Puppy love," Rosalie quipped, still giving me a meaningful look.

~ 0 ~

"You're really all right with being Nathan's godmother?" Bella and I were in bed, currently alone. We had spent more than an hour convincing Don Everly that his bed was even better than ours. Well, we alternated chasing him off our bed with cuddles to make sure he knew it was nothing personal.

"Are you?"

"I'm not going to be his godmother."

Bella rolled her big beautiful eyes at me. "You know what I mean. I know you're not into babies."

I shrugged. "This one's different. He's kind of okay." I glanced sideways at her with a smirk. "Besides, he is my nephew so it's really no big difference."

"Okaaaay. Whatever." She finished off her statement with a snort. "Would you rather leave me with the thought that you're sexist? You don't interact with your niece the same way."

She was right, but it had nothing to do with being sexist and everything to do with Nathan growing inside of Bella. I turned onto my side, placing a hand gently on her stomach. It was so different without the solid baby bump. She was still a little tender from the surgery, but it was well on its way to being back to normal.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked softly.

"Is this a serious something or a smartass something?"

"Serious."

She rolled onto her side to face me. A gentle smile showed her approval.

"Do you want Nathan to know you gave birth to him? Down the road, I mean. What do you want to be to him? Or would you rather play a small role or…?"

"I couldn't be nothing to him," Bella filled in where I hesitated. "I don't think I could ever just walk away from him. I don't know if I want him to know. I guess that's up to Rose and Em. I'll go along with whatever they decide to tell him. I would like him to know who his genetic parents were. I think that's important."

I nodded in agreement. "I think it's important not to lie to him at all. My parents never lied; they just waited until we were old enough to understand. And they only told me the gory details when I was older. They showed me pictures of Elizabeth – my mother. I have a picture of her. She wanted to be a counsellor. For troubled teens. Because she was one. And then she gave birth to one." I chuckled at the irony.

"Will you show me sometime?" Bella asked in a soft voice.

I hummed an affirmative. "It's going to be strange for Nathan. You'll be involved in his life, but he won't know _how_ involved. He's going to love you anyway. But what if he finds out you carried him but never said anything? Will he understand that you love him regardless of his origin, or will he think you kept it from him?" All sorts of scenarios played through my mind before I realized how thoughtless I was being. "Jesus, Bella, I'm sorry. You don't need all of my neurotic thoughts plaguing you as well."

"I've already thought all those things myself."

"You never talk about it," I stated gently. "Is it difficult for you to see him all the time?"

Her eyes welled up, but she was smiling. "I think I'd go nuts if I didn't see him. I don't know, Edward. I don't talk about it because I don't really know how I feel. It changes from one minute to the next. I'm still dealing with hormones and praying that Gianna and Marcus would approve of my decision. I feel like it's the first adult decision I've ever made."

I scowled in disbelief. "I think agreeing to the surrogacy was a very adult decision. It's not something many people would do."

"But I thought I had them to see me through it," she countered. "Nathan was supposed to have them."

"Do you think they would have expected you to keep him yourself?" I tipped her chin up to look at me. "Bella? Is that what you think?"

She started to respond, but then clamped her mouth shut. A little moan escaped when she tried again. She dropped her head against my shoulder and chuckled. "I don't know. I mean… no. I don't think they'd expect me to keep him as my own. They knew how I felt about motherhood. Gianna was meant to be a mother. Rose, too. She's an awesome mom already. Me…?" She huffed and then laughed again. "Still… I love him in a very special way. Does that make sense?"

It made perfect sense. It described exactly how I felt about him as well. "Of course it does. I think they'd approve of the parents you chose for Nathan. They'll do what's right for him. I think they've already answered all my ponderings anyway – they did name him after his genetic parents. I'm guess they plan to let him know just how many people loved him even before he was a McCarty."

When Bella shifted away from me, she was smiling. "I love the fact that he's part of the _Cullen_ family. He's a very lucky little boy."

"I thought they were going to tell us Rosalie was pregnant," I blurted. "Earlier… that's why I came out of the kitchen looking like death."

"So, what – if she was having a baby, you don't think she'd want Nathan –" Her eyes popped open wide. "Oh! He'd be in the same position you were. Only his little brother or sister would be a little younger than yours." She smiled at me, stroking my cheek to try to make the mood lighter.

"And he didn't cause _you_ any harm," I added. "I guess it would be completely different. I feel like an asshole now for thinking that would be bad news."

"That must be why she urged Emmett to just get on with it when she noticed how shaken you were. She must have figured out that you were drawing comparisons."

"Uhhh… I highly doubt that." I chuckled in a nervous way. "She doesn't know that part of my anxiety."

Bella's eyes widened in shock.

"Unless you've told her."

"No! Of course not! But I thought she knew. Why doesn't she know?"

I shrugged. "No one does except you, me, and Aro."

"Your mom and dad? Jasper? No one? My god, Edward. How have you managed to keep that inside?"

"It's really not something I'd bring into conversation at a party," I wisecracked. "I don't know. I guess I just didn't want my family feeling bad about Elizabeth too, you know? When my parents told me about her, I could see how much they cared for her, even in the short time she was with them. It was like they lost a child of their own, I'm sure. I was a pretty sad excuse for a replacement to begin with. If I kept making them relive it, it would have made it worse for everyone."

Bella sat up during my speech. Her eyes narrowed with sadness. "Edward… is that the real reason why you don't want kids? You said you don't want your DNA ruining a child's life – do you think a baby would use your DNA against his or her mother?"

I could barely breathe, let alone reply to her. I hadn't thought it through with the clarity she'd just presented, but she hit it dead on. I'd spent twenty years trying to get comfortable in my own skin and make myself believe that I wouldn't be the cause of anyone else's death. Twenty-plus years to conquer the shit-fest of genes I'd inherited from my poor victim and an unknown sperm donor, aka vanishing biological father. A baby didn't stand a chance overcoming genetics in the nine months spent in utero.

Bella whimpered as she leaned down to kiss my forehead. I closed my eyes and let her warmth wash over me. "I'm glad you told me," she said softly. "There is nothing you have to keep entirely inside, Edward. You can tell me anything and it stays with us. You don't have to do this alone your whole life."

I nodded, eyes still closed. "Please don't say anything to Rose about me thinking she was pregnant. She'd be devastated if she thought I was unhappy about that prospect."

Soft hands stroked my cheek, my jaw, my hair. Sweet lips traced over my brow and the tip of my nose. I finally opened my eyes to find her staring into them. "They are thoughts, Edward. Everyone has thoughts that aren't meant to be shared with someone it would hurt. It doesn't make them wrong or _you_ wrong for thinking them. They're just thoughts."

Suddenly, I had an inkling of how Rose had felt earlier – emotions brimming and coming to the surface in a not so glamorous way. Apprehension being stomped on by self-worth. Fear swallowed by a feeling of being completely safe. Contentment and the desire to laugh battled the pitiful urge to sob. It all erupted in a choked-off sound I couldn't begin to describe.

"You know who you sound like, Bella? Aro. He told me that very same thing, years ago. I didn't quite buy it then. I should have. He's brilliant, really. He was right with everything else. I never should have let my thoughts poison me. I should have stood up for what I wanted."

"What did you want?"

I smiled at the beautiful girl, completely in the dark about the depth of my feelings for her. "You, Bella. Always you."

~ 0 ~

We got up extra early to spend some time together, sharing breakfast before I left for work. Charlie wasn't set to arrive until the afternoon; they were catching the red-eye, hoping to relieve any flight anxiety by sleeping through it. Bella divided her time between me and Don. I was developing a slight jealousy over him, but at least I still shared the bed with her.

She seemed a little off when I was leaving, but I figured I was too. I would miss her desperately, and I had more than a little apprehension creeping up. The last thing I wanted was for her to worry about me, so I did my best to put on a brave face and said goodbye, in case I wasn't home before she and Charlie left for Seattle.

I was pleasantly surprised to find them in the apartment when I returned. "You waited," I greeted her, wearing a huge grin. "Charlie, good to see you."

He nodded with his friendly grin. "You too. But we really do have to get going."

Bella started rattling off things from a mental list. "I made dinner. It's in the fridge. There's more milk for Nathan in the freezer if he runs out. You'll see them over the weekend, right? Can you bring some, just in case? Don pooped an hour ago. He should be good for the night. Just take him for a pee. Oh, and there's cookies. I made enough to last you if you ration yourself."

"Right." I nodded, still wearing my stupid grin. "I'll hit the tread mill while I'm munching."

"Riiiight." Bella laughed at me, patting my tummy. She gave it an extra squeeze and tickle towards the side. She'd already learned my tickle zone. "Come here, Don Everly! Oh my goodness, I'm gonna miss you so much!" She squatted down to hug him as he fled towards her.

"That's a ridiculous name for a dog," Charlie opined.

Bella quirked an eyebrow at him. "He knows it's his name. He answers to it already. Don Everly is the perfect name for such a smart puppy. You're so smart, aren't you Don? You be a good, good boy for Edward, okay? Don't leave him messes when he's working. Remember our talk about that."

The puppy wagged his tail excitedly and panted as usual, completely unaware of what she was saying. It didn't stop her.

"Now I know you're going to want to climb in bed with him, but remember, you've got your own big puppy bed! It's so cool! Let Edward sleep, okay? He needs his sleep to take care of you. If you're a good puppy, I'll bring you a surprise." She kissed his head one more time before standing. "And you…" She spun around to address me. "Don't be soft on him. He slept just fine in his own bed. Don't cave."

I chuckled, knowing full well that I would. "I'll do my best. Have a safe trip. Call me when you land?"

She frowned. "It'll be like, four in the morning."

"I don't care. I want to know you're there." It's not like I would be sleeping anyway. "Call me." Those words were muted – pleading.

Bella reached for my hands and nodded. "I'll call. Keep the phone in bed with you so at least it won't wake up Don."

I smiled at the thoughtfulness she had in regards to our puppy's sleep needs. I gave her hands a squeeze and then went for a hug.

Clearing his throat loudly, Charlie stepped around us to pick up Bella's bag. "I'll just wait out in the hallway. Give you two some privacy in case there's any mushy stuff." He clapped me on the back as he passed by. "You should bring Bella down to Forks sometime soon. Stay for a few days. We'll have your folks over."

"Sure thing, Charlie. Safe trip."

"I'll take care of her, son. Don't worry. Now get on with it or we're not going to fit in any pit stops. Go, go, go!" He stepped outside, pulling the door closed behind him.

Bella stood on her toes to kiss me. "I _will_ be fine," she assured me in a whisper. "I'll be fine. I'll call you as soon as we land." Another kiss followed. "Please try to sleep."

I gave a little nod. I'd try. "No promises. I'll keep the phone by my side – pretend it's you."

She got an evil little glint in her eyes, and I felt something tugging at my pant leg. "The phone won't do this."

I had assumed the tugging was coming from Don. I was wrong. "Ouch!" I cried out with a laugh of shock. "I'll never get used to your pincers."

"Not pincers… pinchers. My toes are made for pinching."

"And your lips for kissing?" I asked with a cheeky grin. "One more for the road?"

"Absolutely." Her arms draped around my shoulders as I crouched down. I was glad Charlie had stepped out. This wasn't the kind of kiss you felt comfortable doing in front of parents. It heated up quickly for a goodbye kiss. It was much more demanding than time allowed. When we parted, we were both breathing heavily.

"Fuck," I murmured as I tipped my forehead down to hers. "That felt like more."

"It will be." Bella nipped at my bottom lip. "Soon."

"Not soon enough!" I laughed as I expressed the precise thoughts of a lower extremity that seemed to be in full working order despite the trauma of two days ago. I took one more kiss even as Charlie rapped against the door, calling out, "Go, go, go!"

Bella sucked in her lip after the kiss, closing her eyes for a few beats. "Be strong with Don. I'll be back soon."

I smiled as brightly as I could. I had no words.

"Don't even think about saying it," Bella blurted out in our silence.

"What?" Did she think I was going to say those three words that had ended my relationship with Lauren? The three words I'd never said to any woman?

"That parting word… the 'g word'… or 'b word'… you know what I mean. I'm not saying it to you ever again."

'_I have to say goodbye to you, Edward…'_

My throat closed over as those words flashed through my mind. The memory of our last conversation all those years ago still stung.

"I'm going to see you real soon. I'm coming home. I promise."

I uttered the only words I could manage as she joined Charlie in the hallway. "Be safe."

~ 0 ~

Bella called from Phoenix, as promised. I picked up on the first ring. I hadn't slept a wink, but Don Everly was snoring away at the foot of the bed. Yeah, I'd caved. The connection was shit, only making the distance between us seem even greater. Still, I was relieved to hear that they'd landed safe and sound, and I wasn't at all surprised when Bella announced that she spotted Kate at the baggage claim. I'd seen the close bond between them years ago, and it was heartening to know that Kate hadn't given up on it. Why else would she be there to pick them up at four in the morning? I let Bella go so that she could reunite with her family, and I got up to start my day with a run on the treadmill. There was no point in trying to sleep for an hour or so anyway.

I took Don out for his morning run and doggy business before showering for work. He was genuinely the happiest puppy I'd ever seen. He still looked underfed and awkward – like he had a lot of growing to do in order to fit his long legs – but his actions were so exuberant, it was like he'd always been in a content environment. The only time he showed his neglected puppy background was when I started to leave for work.

"Don, you can't come with me this time. Sorry, buddy." I stooped down to give him some affection, slamming the door shut with my butt so he wouldn't crawl through my legs and out the door. He licked at my face and neck, completely oblivious to what I'd just told him. "We'll go for an extra-long walk when I come home tonight, all right? Maybe we'll go for tacos. I'll get one for you, too."

I had to stand up to put an end to the slobbering. I was close to needing another shower as it was. "Okay, I have to go. You be a good boy while I'm gone. I know you will be. You remember where your water dish is, right? And your food? Remember where I showed you to use the bathroom, if you have to." I'd laid papers out on top of a plastic table cloth I'd picked up at a dollar store near an open window. He really didn't seem to go too much, but I hoped if he couldn't wait for me, he'd find the paper.

Even that didn't matter so much as I heard the whimpering begin even before I got three steps down the stairs. "Oh, Don Everly. You're breaking my heart."

I was tempted to go home on my lunch to check on him, but I figured it would only make it harder for both of us. I didn't want to hear him cry when I left again. And I'm sure he didn't want to be alone anymore. Instead, I spent my lunch break wondering if he thought this was it – he was being abandoned again. I even found myself dreaming up different scenarios of just how he lost his doggy family, and how he ended up with people who didn't love him. How could anyone not love him? When I began imagining that he lost his mother at birth, I hauled my ass out of my chair and went out for a strong coffee and a slice of cinnamon pound cake. Comfort food and caffeine got me through the afternoon.

When I arrived at my building after work, I held the door open for a neighbour I recognized on his way out. We'd never spoken, other than occasional greetings, but I couldn't understand why I got a glare in return this time. I stepped in, stopping at my mailbox.

"Someone's pretty anxious for you to get upstairs." A voice I knew, but couldn't place, startled me.

Turning to look at her, I recognized her as one of the two girls who shared the apartment at the end of my hallway. I nodded, frowning. "It's his first day alone. Was he a nuisance?"

"I swear he hasn't stopped all day long. It's so pathetic. I even sat outside your door for about half an hour, talking to him through it. He calmed down a little for that. Just whimpers then."

My eyebrows lifted. "_Just_ whimpers? Oh no. Was it worse than that?"

My kind neighbour started chuckling. "You'll see. Good luck with him. He sounds adorable. And… peppy."

I sighed, banging my head against the mailboxes as I closed mine up. "Hey, thanks for trying with him. That was nice of you to do that."

She turned to smile at me. "Your girlfriend sends over cookies every time she bakes. I know she's away, and I figured that's why he was crying. Anyway, I just wanted to return the favour somehow. Hope Bella comes back soon. She's sweet."

The goof that resided in me smiled proudly, like I had anything to do with Bella's sweet nature. "Yeah, thanks… er… I'm Edward, by the way."

"Bree." She flashed another smile as she headed out. "Nice to actually meet you."

I mumbled a goodbye as I headed for the stairs. My free hand wandered up to give my hair a tug as I braced myself for what I would encounter in my apartment. I was only half a flight up when I comprehended the glare from the first neighbour. I ran up the rest of the stairs, miraculously without stumbling at all, and dropped my bag and mail so I could open the door and shut Don Everly the hell up.

"Well, Bella," I said to myself, "It seems I not only picked a snoring dog, but we've got ourselves a howler. And a destructive one at that." I grimaced as I surveyed the damage. All the while, Don jumped up at me, tail wagging and tongue hanging to the side. He looked like the picture of innocence. My apartment, however, showed his hidden dark side.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Happy Victoria Day, my fellow Canadians! Hope you're all having a wonderful long weekend. :) _

_I'd be lost without my back-up: beta-reader, Shug and msj, pre-reader, coach, friend, etc. And I seem to have a psychic pre-reader in Sherryola. LOL You'll see. ;) Thanks for reading, all! XX ~ SR_


	23. Chapter 22

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 22**

"I'm not exaggerating, Bella. Wait 'til you hear him." After tending to Don Everly's needs and then cleaning up the disaster zone he had turned my apartment into, I was relieved to fill Bella in on his activity. And his rather unique howl.

"I feel so bad leaving you with him. You said he made a mess. What kind of a mess? Did he poop?"

"Everything but, I'd say. I couldn't find any output. He must have held his pee all day, too. But my god, he got into every low cupboard in the kitchen. You know his jumbo bag of kibble? Well it was shredded. I couldn't even tell how much of it he ate. It was everywhere. Couldn't be salvaged either, because it was combined with anything and everything that could be torn open. Cereal, potatoes, onions. He got into the garbage, too. You know that gigantic bag of flour Emmett brought by to encourage more cookies?"

"Oh shit, no!" Bella gasped, but then chuckled at the extent of our puppy's day of exploration. "I can't even imagine what the apartment looked like when you walked in."

"I swear I swept for over an hour. And then vacuumed. I'm still waiting for the flour dust to completely settle and sweep again before I go at it with a mop."

Bella hummed her agreement. "You'll have homemade glue."

"Papier-mâché on his pee papers." I had to laugh myself now that the apartment was relatively in order. "He didn't stop in the kitchen. Two rolls of toilet paper must've entertained him for a while. And the clothes in the laundry basket must have been interesting to him as well. You don't want to know what I found by the front door."

"I think I do," Bella challenged. "You've painted such a vivid picture of how Don spent his day I'm dying to know what he brought with him to his howling spot."

A smile remained while my laughter subsided. "Um… he's rather fond of your panties. I hope you packed your best ones, because our dog is a pervert and several pairs are going to need replaced."

Laughter filled the vast airways between us. "Edward, are you sure it was all Don Everly? You didn't have a hand in any of that?" she goaded.

"Gnawing on your panties? Nah, I'd prefer to do that with you in them."

Silence hit me.

Fuck.

I'd taken it too far. Just because we'd kissed – and she'd admitted to wanting me to kiss her – that didn't mean she wanted me to eat her out. It also didn't mean we were anywhere near the stage to joke about that, let alone actually do it.

"I'm sorry, Bella. That was ignorant. I don't even know why I said that. Well I do, but I shouldn't have. Please, just forget I said that. Can you even do that? Or do you really think I'm a pervert now too?"

"Honestly, I'm just cursing the distance between us right now."

My eyes widened in interest. The visual I had of hanging myself was replaced with a much nicer one. In it, I was kneeling between her gorgeous legs. Her hands gripped my hair, encouraging me to keep at it. "Yeah?"

"I'm wondering if you're blushing. I am, by the way. But in a not so bad way. I've never heard you say anything like that before. I'd like to see it in person. I bet you have that sweet blush you always used to have. Or do you not do that anymore? I think it would be an incredibly sexy mix to see you blushing while you're talking dirty."

I ran my hand down my face, feeling the heat radiating from it. "I'm blushing now, so you know. Fuck."

Her soft laughter filled my heart. "I think we just had our own version of phone sex."

"Was it good for you?" I teased.

"The first time is always a little awkward, right? We'll get better at it."

"I'm actually hoping there won't be much opportunity for phone sex. I don't like being apart."

There was a moment of sad silence between us. "I'll be back in a few days. What are you going to do about Don tomorrow?"

I shook off the sadness, as well as the horniness from seconds earlier. "I asked Emmett if he'd be willing to come over after his shift. He's working tonight."

"Aw, Don would love that!"

I hummed in agreement. "And even when he tires Emmett out, I think he'll appreciate having a sleeping person around until I'm home. I hope it's okay with Rosalie." An alternative struck me. "If not, maybe I'll ask our neighbour. Apparently you've been busy making friends as well as cookies? I met Bree today. She tried to calm Don Everly down a little bit through the door."

"How sweet! I can't believe you just met her today. Do you know they've lived there longer than you? They're both really cute, too. Why haven't you ever tried to hook up with the single girls right at your doorstep?"

"Okay, you're confusing me. One minute you want me to talk dirty to you, the next you're wondering why I've never screwed our cute neighbours? Do you want me to? Would it be hotter if you knew I'd slept with them?"

"On second thought, Emmett would be the best puppysitter in the world. Want me to call and beg?"

I let out a throaty chuckle. "I'm taking that to mean I should keep a friendly distance between myself and the cute neighbours."

"Any gnawing you do better be on my cookies, not theirs."

My eyes wandered to the dish of Bella's white chocolate chip cookies I'd brought into the bedroom with me, though my mind was flooded with a desire for a different taste altogether. I was liking innuendo-talking Bella. A lot. Before I had a chance to come up with a clever retort, there was a banging on my front door. Don bounded off the bed and raced out of the room. I hadn't imagined it.

"Someone's at the door. Want to wait for me?"

"I'm through waiting, Edward. I've wasted enough time on that."

My stomach dropped. "Sorry. I'll ignore it. Probably someone hawking subscriptions I don't want anyway. How's it going there?" I wasn't going to let Bella slip away now that we'd finally acknowledged there was something more than friendship between us. I would never ask her to wait for me for anything.

She laughed softly, relieving the lump in the pit of my stomach. "That's my lame attempt at flirting, Edward. I would wait forever for you. You can answer your door."

"Oh. Well, I'd rather not anyway. Tell me about your day."

"Let's see… Garrett took Dad to the prison with him. He was in heaven, seeing how it runs in the big city. He personally knows any prisoner he houses in Forks. I had a girl's day with Kate. It was nice. She says hello."

"And hi back. Tanya didn't go with you?"

"She was at a friend's house. Kate wanted to spend some time with me before the whole family got involved. That was the idea behind occupying Dad as well. I see why now." She lowered her voice. "They've got their hands full with Tanya. She's full-on thirteen-year-old girl. Any horrible thing you've ever heard about thirteen-year-olds, she's experiencing it."

I frowned in confusion. "She's thirteen? Really? I still picture her with pigtails and icing sugar on her cheek."

Bella snorted. "Uh… no. She's a totally hormonal teenager. Full of angst and internal strife between being a little girl with a woman's body. You should see her boobs! Oh my god! She puts me to shame, and my pumpkins are nothing to sneeze at these days."

I chuckled at her flirtatious joke. "Tell me. It really puts things in perspective, knowing that Tanya's all grown up. Reminds me of how long we were out of touch. I can't imagine you not in my life now."

"I know," Bella agreed quietly. "I miss you so much."

Don let out some small yips as the persistent person outside knocked again. "You may get to hear the howl," I informed Bella. I wondered how long he yapped and whimpered for before it turned to baying. "Though the neighbours probably aren't so anxious for that."

"Answer the door, silly! I don't want to come back to an eviction notice. Just take me with you."

I was smiling as I cradled the phone through the apartment. "I miss you too, by the way. I mean, I'm glad you're getting in some time with Kate – you really need it. But I'm greedy. And needy. I want you here."

"You're sweet. Who's at the door?"

"It's…" I clicked the lock to open the door. "Rosalie! And Nathan. Hey! What are you doing here?"

"Hi!" Bella shouted a greeting through the phone. "I miss you guys too! There's milk in the freezer and cookies on the counter. Unless Don ate them all."

I relieved Rosalie of the bags she had looped over her shoulder as she plucked the phone from me. "Bella! How did you make out on the flight? You're good? We were thinking of you the whole night. Emmett and I were on the phone half the night. He was working and I couldn't sleep." She charged into the apartment as if she was at home, shifting Nathan in her arm so she could cradle the phone and put the kettle on to boil water.

I followed her into the kitchen and reached out to take Nathan from her. She smiled, passing him over happily while she listened to Bella.

"I'm so glad it was a good flight with it being your first one. You slept through it all? That's awesome, baby. Good for you. You're an inspiration." Rosalie got to work lining up bottles of milk for Nathan in my fridge. "We're here to keep both of your guys sane while you're away." She spoke into the phone, but smiled at me as I swayed with Nathan in my arms. "I hear your baby was a little lonely. My man is coming here after work so Edward can go tomorrow without worrying. Nathan and I are going to stop _him_ from binge eating cookies tonight… are those macadamia?"

"White chocolate macadamia." Her eye was already on the cookie container, so I lifted the lid for her to help herself. "Who's stopping _you_ from binging?"

"My plan, big brother, is to eat half of them myself in order to save you from eating them all."

"So considerate of you," I commended her jokingly. I could hear Bella's laugh through the phone.

"I'm that kind of person," she quipped before turning her attention back to the phone. "I should let you get back to Edward. I just sort of stormed in and took over everything. He looks pretty cute, by the way. He's in his bathrobe. Hair's a mess. What's that white stuff? Have you got glue in your hair?"

"Flour." I heard Bella say it at the same time I did. "I'll explain later." We traded phone for baby and I turned away to say goodnight to my girl privately.

"Seems like you're in good hands there," Bella commented. "I'm glad they came over. You're all right with it?"

"Yeah… I'm a little confused as to why they're here tonight, but… yeah. It'll be weird with a baby here. Overnight. I don't know where he's going to sleep."

"He could sleep with his cousin," she suggested. "Don's got plenty of room."

I frowned. "I don't think that's a good idea. It's a dog bed, Bella. And we don't really know if Don's going to continue to be gentle with him."

"I was joking, Edward."

"Oh." I could envision Bella shaking her head at me, with that beautiful smile curling her lips up. "The memorial is tomorrow, right?"

"Mm-hmm. In the morning." Bella sighed, and I wished I hadn't reminded her of it. She'd been in such bright spirits.

"Call me if you get the chance?"

"I will –"

"Bella, you can call me any time at all, you know. If you're having a difficult time with any of it, call me."

"I'm not going to bother you at work."

"I switched with Ben. I'm taking his second shift so he can go to Angie's for dinner. Regardless, if you ever need me at work, text. I'll call you back as soon as I'm not on a call. All right? Rose is here too, don't forget that."

"I've got the biggest smile right now," Bella told me. "You make me feel so safe. So happy."

For the first time in my life, the three elusive words were on the tip of my tongue. I couldn't allow myself to blurt out an 'I love you' over the phone. I would want to see her reaction to that when the time came that it did come out. I knew it was inevitable, but I wanted it to be at a special moment. "Keep smiling, beautiful girl. And sleep well. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Can you make sure all my underwear is tucked away? I don't really want Emmett discovering them when he's playing with Don in the morning."

I chuckled as I imaged that scenario. "Sure thing, honey. They'll be just as safe with me as you are."

~ 0 ~

With Rosalie and Nathan settled into my spare room, I was actually able to get some quality sleep in. I felt completely rested when I heard my sister up in the early hours of the morning.

"Sorry!" she whispered as I poked my head out of the bedroom. "I just got Nathan back to sleep after his feeding. I tried not to wake you." She had her hair swept up into a messy knot, and had a baby blanket thrown over her robed shoulder. She looked like a goddess in terrycloth.

Smiling, I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her. "You look so content, Rose. I love that. It makes me happy to see you like this."

"Same," she muttered with a chuckle. "You used to be so grumpy when I'd wake you up."

"This is hardly the same as you coming in and jumping on me."

"I could still do that." She pulled back from our hug with a smirk on her face. "This is a really bad habit I've gotten into, but after I get Nathan back to sleep, I usually make myself a coffee and call Emmett. You feel like joining me, or are you heading back to bed?"

I shrugged, feeling rested enough. "I could have coffee. I'm not participating in phone sex with Em, though. I'll leave that up to you."

She swatted me as I passed by her heading for the kitchen. "Bella sounds really good. We were seriously worried about her. She's such a brave thing – I was worried she was taking on too much, going by air with everything else on her mind. I guess she's more like you than we thought. She just copes."

I nodded, starting up the coffee maker. "Is that why you're here tonight? Worried that I won't cope with her being gone?"

Rose rolled her eyes dramatically. "'Cause you never worry, right? Is it okay that we're here? As soon as Emmett told me about your day with Don Everly, I started packing. I didn't even think about it until I was at your door and you weren't answering. I'm standing there thinking I've become Mom. It didn't help that Nathan was giving me this expectant look, like, 'Well, what _are_ we doing here? Are we going in or what?'" She chuckled as she shook her head. "You'd tell me if I'm intruding, right? I don't want to be pushy. And I don't want you thinking I'm babying you like Mom did."

"You're not intruding, Rose," I assured her with a gentle smile. "I thought asking you to bring Nathan over would be too much to ask. That's the only reason I asked Emmett to come over after work. You've got your own little one to baby. You don't need to look after me anymore."

Rose rested her head on my shoulder as we sat at the breakfast bar, waiting for the coffee to brew. "I know. I knew you'd never ask. I'm just glad it's okay that I did this because sometimes we all need some help."

"What?" I snickered. "Are you kidding me? You've been helping me – looking after me – half my life."

She straightened herself up. "Is that what you think? That's how you see it? Seriously?" The buzzer went off on the machine, and Rose got up to click it off. "Edward, you're my brother. I didn't do anything for you that I wouldn't do for Jazz. We all looked out for each other. If I hung out with you a little more than you wanted, it was because I didn't want to be the odd 'man' out, so to speak. I knew you and Jasper would be closer, because you're brothers. I wanted to have that same experience. I never wanted you to think of me as the weak little girl. I could roll with the boys, y'know?"

My brow was practically hidden under my hair, I was so shocked. "You? Weak? Hardly! Come on, Rose. Admit it – you kind of felt obligated to make me feel like I was part of your group –"

"I've never felt obligated to do anything in my life, Edward," she informed me insistently.

"Rose… look, it's ridiculous to get into this now. We're adults. I've grown past the feelings of inadequacy I had when I was younger. It doesn't change the fact that you and Jazz saw it in me then, too. I know you pitied me. I could see it in your eyes, those silent twin exchanges you used to do when I was being pathetic."

Sliding a steaming mug over the counter at me, she leaned on her elbows in front of me. "Okay, let's get this straight once and for all. Those looks you saw weren't us seeing you as pathetic. You're not _pathetic_, Edward," she hissed. "We grew up not fully understanding why Mom coddled you as she did. It was like she needed to pay extra attention to you because she felt the need to do everything perfectly with you. She didn't quit nursing – she just left work and you became her sole patient. By high school, her fussing was way too much. You're a shy, deep thinking, deep _feeling_ person. Jasper and I thought she was creating problems for you that didn't have to exist. But how could we tell her that and not make her feel bad? She just loved you. She _desperately_ loved you. I fully understand her now, you know. I get it. I feel it every day… like I need to be the best mom in the world, not only for Nathan, but for his genetic parents, and Bella."

"You are!" I insisted. "You're a great mother, Rosalie. Nathan's lucky to have you and Emmett."

"Nathan's lucky to have so many people who love him," she countered. "You of all people should understand that. Mom and Dad loved you before you were even their child. Marcus and Gianna loved Nathan before he was even created. And then Bella loved him so much she was willing to put her own life at risk to have him." My sister's eyes filled with tears, and she wiped them away hastily. "Sometimes I worry that my love for him will never match Bella's."

"Are you kidding me?" I stood and went around joining Rosalie on the other side of the bar. I held her face as I spoke softly, but firmly. "Rosalie, you loved him before you even knew it. You fought for him, along with Bella. Don't ever sell yourself short on that. If it were up to me and Charlie, we would have taken the selfish route and put Bella ahead of the baby. Your heart never went there. That little boy in there owns you, I can see it in your eyes when you hold him, when you think of him. He's your whole world. Don't ever doubt that your love isn't strong enough. I do know how he feels, Rosalie. I've been fortunate to have your love my entire life and let me tell you, nothing can match it."

"Edward…" Rosalie fell against my chest, hugging the life out of me. "You always do that!" she exclaimed.

"Do what?"

"Make me feel like I'm something special –"

"You are."

"That's got to be the same for Bella. It's why she fell for you. You have a way of making everyone you love feel like they're the most spectacular human being in the world. God, _you_ are so special, Edward, and you don't even know it."

I heard a low whimper coming from the spare room. It wasn't the puppy kind of whimper. "We've woke Nathan," I said softly. "Look, why don't you go splash some water on your face, and I'll see if I can get him back to sleep. Okay?"

Rose looked mystified as to how I would do that, and dubious, but curious enough to encourage me to go try. In all honesty, I figured I'd fare better with the baby crying. I probably wouldn't say anything to upset him. Dealing with my sister's emotions was another story.

"Hey, little guy," I called out softly as I approached the bed. Rosalie had set him in the middle, far from any edges, and had pillows lining the floor on either side of him. Carefully, I sat on the edge and stroked his head. "Did we wake you? Did you have a bad dream?"

What would babies dream about? Did they dream at all?

He wasn't being soothed by my head-rubbing. "Want to come see me? Huh?" I'd never picked up a baby before. Nathan was the first one I'd held, and he'd always been handed to me. Since he was on his back, I slid one hand under his head, and the other under his bum to lift him with care. His hands stayed fisted, but his legs kicked wildly until I drew him in against my chest. I began pacing slowly with him in my arms, from one end of the room to the other and back.

"Were you scared when you woke up in a strange place? I hope you get used to it here. You used to live here, you know. Before you were born. I like you being here, so I really hope you like it too. I'm really not crazy about the idea of your poopy diapers being around, but I do like the way you smell right now. Mommy makes you smell so good. I wish Don Everly smelled this good. We were out in the rain last night, and he kind of stunk when we came home. Can you smell him? I think I'm used to it now. I don't notice. I wonder if my apartment smells like baby poop and puppy sweat. We need to get Bella home. She can bake and that will take away all the stinkiest of stinks."

I paused my monologue to fully admire Nathan. He had calmed down while I was talking to him. He was nestled tightly against me, gazing up at me while his hands seemed to have their own agenda – though he didn't seem to know what it was any more than I did. They punched out and then withdrew. His fingers curled and uncurled. At one point, he reached up and touched my cheek. I returned the gesture, stroking his soft cheek with my thumb.

"You're much softer than I am. You're like Bella. And your mom. I'm prickly." His hand pulled away and began going wild again. "Are you trying to get it in your mouth? Is that it?"

He opened his mouth, letting out a wide yawn. His sweet breath washed over me, and I couldn't resist lowering my head to kiss his forehead. When I pulled back, he blinked at me with heavy lids. He was well on his way to falling back to sleep, if only his hands would stop moving. I shifted him slightly so that they were trapped between him and my chest as I began pacing again. Within a few trips back and forth, he was out like a light. I made several more trips, not ready to put him down yet. Holding him this way, watching him sleep so peacefully felt incredible. I ran my lips across his downy hair before I finally set him back down on the bed.

"Goodnight, little one. If you need me, I'll be right out there." I didn't whisper for his sake – he was deeply asleep. It was more for my own benefit. I was still coming to terms with my feelings for this little miracle baby, and I didn't want my sister getting fuel to tease me.

Rosalie had brought our mugs over to the living room and motioned for me to join her on the couch when I crept out of the spare room.

"He's asleep." I continued whispering.

"You don't need to whisper," Rose stage-whispered before breaking into her normal voice. "He's actually a good sleeper. Voices don't disturb him. You figured out what to do." She smiled at me with pride.

Taking a seat, I exhaled with vigour. "It's kind of invigorating, being able to calm a little tiny person that way. It's like he totally trusts me to do what's right for him. How does he know that I'd never hurt him?"

My sister's eyes were watery even though she smiled at me. "Babies have this wonderful faith in humankind. Plus, you'd never hurt anybody, Edward. You are calming. It's why you're so good at your job. It's your voice… and the way you just say whatever comes to mind. It's soothing because there's nothing fake about it. You're good with him. Really good." Rosalie twisted a stray lock of hair that had come loose from the pile on her head. "Surprisingly good. You have a knack for this. Maybe you'll change your mind about children?"

I huffed out my disagreement as I reached for my coffee. "Beginner's luck."

"Maybe it's all about him. It's Nathan you're good with. I think you two bonded before he was born."

I smirked at her. "Well he did like to kick my ribs while I tried to sleep. It's so weird, Rosalie – seeing him this way. I mean, before he was born, he just seemed like part of Bella. Now he's an actual person. A whole different person. But he's still the same. Know what I mean? I think he may have been punching me, not kicking. His arms move around so much. Are all babies so intense? He stares at me like he's trying to communicate. It's kind of intimidating. But then, he seems satisfied no matter what I do, so in a way it's really gratifying – just holding him. Do you feel that way every day? Every time you hold him?"

I couldn't read my sister's expression as she stared at me in silence. It was a bit of a sad look, but something else… pride? When her tears started anew, I didn't know what the fuck was going on. All I knew was that I'd said too much. I should have shut the hell up at some point that I couldn't even identify. I had no clue what I'd said that was wrong, but I'd messed up and now I'd have to do damage control.

Nothing came.

We sat on either end of the couch, facing each other and staring in silence. Slow tears fell from Rosalie's eyes and she delicately wiped them away.

"I want to ask you something – please don't be angry with me."

I nodded, afraid to say anything.

"Are you absolutely sure that this is working for you – me and Emmett raising Bella's baby?"

I frowned, seeing my error from moments earlier. "Shit, Rose. I was just on a rush. Random thoughts spewing out. I never knew Marcus and Gianna, so it was difficult for me to see Bella – pregnant – and not think of the baby as hers. That's all I meant. As soon as he was born, he became Nathan. Not Bella's baby. He's my nephew," I said empathically with an easy grin. "And he's pretty awesome."

"Don't get mad, but are you sure –" She cut herself off and took a deep breath. "Is she coming back – to you – for sure?"

Despite my promise not to get upset, I could feel the same anger I'd felt when Jasper questioned Bella's motives. "She's coming back, Rose," I muttered angrily. "Where is this coming from? I thought you and Bella were best friends again. You said you talk, so you should know where her head is at. What are you afraid of, exactly? That she'll want Nathan back? Or that she'll walk out of our lives again?"

"Edward, please try to understand. I had my head up my ass the first time around. How could I not see how you really felt about her all that time? And I didn't see the rest of it coming at all. I never thought Jasper would hurt her that way. He broke her heart, and she broke ours. I'm really trying to be super aware this time. I'm trying to catch all the things that I missed before."

"So you can protect us," I stated.

With a sniffle, she nodded. "At the same time, I don't want to have any doubts. I love Bella, and I want her in our lives. It's like we've been given a second chance to fix everything, make it all right, because it really got messed up the first time. I just hope that Bella's looking at it that way as well."

"She chose you and Emmett as parents," I pointed out. "You don't see that as a sign that she wants the same thing? Bella doesn't want children, Rose. She's never wanted to be a mother. After all she went through, fighting to keep the baby healthy and have a good life despite losing his parents – don't you think if she'd changed her mind about parenthood, she would have kept him from the start?"

Her eyes flashed away from me. I could read my sister's body language very well. Rosalie was probably the most confident person I'd ever known. She thrived on eye contact. Throughout our lives, any time she broke eye contact that way, it was because she had something to say that she was holding back.

"What? Just tell me for fuck's sake," I demanded. "I'm not gonna break or freak out. Just tell me what's on your mind."

Hesitantly, she looked over at me once more. "I think it was for you."

"What was for me?"

"All of it. I don't know how to put this without sounding like I'm a paranoid freak or that I doubt Bella."

My sister had me on edge. I had been in awe of the way she had simply accepted Bella back into our lives, just as I had. Rosalie had every reason to feel animosity towards her ditching us as she had. Had I been wrong? Was Rose still concerned that Bella was capable of doing the same thing again? When the possibility that she was on the same path Jasper had taken in thinking Bella was using me nudged its way into my brain, I shut down my paranoia and used my voice. My work voice best suited this situation.

"How about this – stop worrying about how it sounds, and just talk to me. Can you do that? What are you thinking, Rose? What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid for Bella," she admitted softly. "She's been through so much – devastating events in such a short period of time. I'd like to think that I know her – that _we_ know her – but I can't help but think she's holding back. She's strong, but she has to be holding back, Edward."

I wanted to protest and assure her that if Bella was struggling with anything, she would tell me. Truthfully, I'd had the same worries myself. What if she was only seeing the old me – the weak boy driven to panic attacks with the slightest provocation? I still had the nagging feeling that was why she was in Phoenix with Charlie instead of me. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to internalize her pain for me.

"I'll talk to her," I stated softly. "Let her know I can handle whatever comes at me."

"Good," Rosalie replied with a firm nod. "The one thing I'm certain hasn't changed with Bella is that she puts everyone else ahead of her own desires. Kind of like someone else I know." She smirked as she nudged me. "That's probably why you're so well-suited for one another. But it could be dangerous, too."

"You think she's going to stay in Phoenix? Stay away for my own good?" The old me would have believed that from the start, but the thought hadn't even crossed my mind until this moment. "It wouldn't be for the good of anyone. I'd fight it this time."

The emotions in my sister's eyes were very identifiable for me – pride, fierce determination, and heart-wrenching fear. Knowing these emotions so well myself, it pained me to watch my sister struggling with them as I had my whole life. I slid over and draped my arm around her shoulder. "Talk to me, Rose," I whispered against her hair as she snuggled into me. "What are you so afraid of?"

"I love you, Edward."

"I know that," I whispered soothingly. This wasn't a fuzzy sibling moment. She thought she was about to devastate me.

"I want you to know that Emmett and I didn't ask you to be Nathan's godparents for any reason other than your love for him."

I hummed my acknowledgement and waited for her to continue at her own pace.

"You'll always be my adoring big brother, and I will always love you… even if you decide to take Nathan back."

"What?" My voice rose three octaves and I pulled away to examine her face. "What the hell are you talking about? I would never take Nathan from you!"

"Not even for Bella?" Her question was calmly asked while fresh tears glistened in her eyes. "I don't ever want you to have to choose between me and Bella, so I'm telling you right now – I'll accept the loss. Just please, don't cut us out entirely –"

"Rosalie, stop." I ran my hands down my face to give myself a moment before responding. This was coming out of nowhere, and I didn't want to blow it by reacting rashly.

She barely gave me a moment before pressing the issue. "No. I know you. You gave up Bella once for Jasper. I don't want you in a position to even think that you're hurting me –" She held up her hand to prevent me from cutting her off again. "Think of yourself first, just this once."

If I'd ever thought the depth of my love for my sister could never be topped, I was proven wrong. This baby meant the world to her. She'd been happy with her life and adored being married to Emmett, but the past month with Nathan had shown a whole new Rosalie. She was meant to be this little guy's mom, and she knew it. Still, she would give that up – for me.

"Listen to me – really listen." I held her chin to force her to look at me. "Bella chose you as Nathan's mom because she knew you and Emmett would be the best parents to him. It's not that she didn't love him… she wanted to do the best thing for him."

"But what's best for you, Edward?"

"Me? I have nothing to do with this. It was Bella's decision."

Rosalie stared into my eyes. I wished I didn't have my glasses on so I wouldn't be able to see how intense her gaze was. "What if Bella made that decision because of you?"

Instead of allowing the guilt of that possibility to plague me, I focused on the beginning words, as Aro had taught me to do long ago. "We can't live on 'what if's', Rose. Only on what is. Bella did not want the baby."

Clenching her jaw, she inhaled deeply through her nose. "I'm not saying that she did. What I am saying is that I can't help but think she was looking out for you, as well as Nathan. She didn't expect you to get so involved with him. None of us did. But you fell in love with him even before he was here."

Frowning, I began to protest – wanted to protest – but found I couldn't. Was it true? I didn't even know how I felt about him myself; how could Rose and Bella know?

"At first I thought she didn't want you to get too attached to him, but then when I saw her reaction when Emmett and I asked you to be godparents, I began to think the opposite. She encouraged you to do it –"

"She wants me to be close to my nephew, sure." I couldn't sit here and listen to speculation – even from someone I trusted as much as my sister. "Rose, you're reading into this too much. I agree that we should keep an eye on Bella. She could crack. She _should_ crack. But I honestly don't think she had any ulterior motives with Nathan."

"Honey, Bella told me she was worried about you before he was born. Did you carry around Emily's ultrasound picture? Did you even _see_ Emily's picture?"

My eyes were blinking rapidly, my breathing sparse. "She told you… what… exactly? What?"

Rosalie's eyes softened into the familiar look she'd used on me most of my life. Nurturing. Caring. Doing everything she could to not upset me. "We were talking one day, after she asked me and Em to be Nathan's adoptive parents. She told me that you were probably the only person in the world who could make her want to have a child of her own. She expressed concern that you weren't seeing Nathan as Marcus and Gianna's baby, or even mine and Emmett's. Despite your protests that you don't want children either, you were into the whole experience. She felt like she was taking something away from you." Her voice quivered, and I couldn't take any more.

"Nathan is yours. Period. I couldn't… I mean, I would, if I had to –"

"If Bella had decided to keep him, would you have stuck by her?"

My sister's question was too blunt to brush off. I gulped, looking downwards. "Truthfully? Yeah. It would have terrified me, but… yes. I would have."

"Thanks for being honest. I already knew that, by the way." Rosalie smiled at me through her fresh tears. "She was giving him back to you, in a way, when she encouraged you to be his godfather. That's what I saw."

"What else do you see?" I asked softly. Her words had stunned me, but they were making sense. I wanted it all out in the open.

"I see that she loves you. Probably as much as you love her," she added gently. "And I see regret. Whether it's over giving up Nathan or taking something away from you, I don't know. But I feel it. It scares me, Edward. I'm scared for all of us."

My throat rumbled as I pulled her into a tight embrace. "Don't be scared, Rosie. I know Bella, and I know – I am one hundred percent certain – that she wants Nathan to be your son. I can see where you're coming from in regards to me. I guess I did get myself too involved. And I do care for him more than I ever thought possible." I pulled back slightly to rest my forehead on hers. "He's my baby sister's little boy. How could I not love him?"

"He came from Bella," she countered. "You couldn't _not_ love him."

~ 0 ~

I took Don Everly for a long walk before I went to work. The early morning talk with my sister had given me loads to think about. I was determined not to let it all bog me down with a migraine. I thought some fresh air and a bit of exercise would help. Truthfully, the only thing that would actually help was speaking to Bella. Don and I had been out long enough that the memorial should have ended, and I figured Bella wouldn't bother me with a call before work, so I called her.

"Just wanted to see how you're doing today. It's a rough morning for you. Don's concerned as well."

"Sweet," Bella murmured. "The service was really nice. So many people came out for it. I thought about what you said about having a picture of your birth mom – I took a service card for Nathan. They chose a beautiful picture of the two of them. Marcus looks almost boyish, he's so in love. And Gianna was always radiant. I don't know if Rose and Em will want him to have it, but it's here for him, just in case."

I swallowed down the lump in my throat, wondering what Elizabeth's memorial service had been like. I doubted there were many people there. "That's very thoughtful, Bella. I'm sure it will be cherished. Charlie went with you, right?"

"Oh, of course. Yeah. He's barely left my side. Oh, and I ran into an old friend of yours, believe it or not."

Don got the scent of a squirrel and started after it, towing me along on the leash. "A friend of mine? In Phoenix?"

"Yeah, a Dr Tenneman. Know him?" There was a playful lilt in her voice that made me smile.

"Aro."

Bella chuckled softly. "He sends his best wishes to you."

"What on earth was he doing there in the first place?" I gave the leash a small tug of my own to keep our puppy from venturing too close to the ankle-deep mud pool ahead of us.

"Apparently he and Marcus go way back. They met during college. Can you imagine Aro backpacking through Italy?"

Picturing the kind but frail man I knew from a decade earlier, backpacking was the last thing I could imagine him doing. "Not in the least."

Bella hummed into the phone. "Marcus didn't seem the type either. Yet, that's how they met. They ended up travelling together for the last month of their break from school. They'd kept in touch ever since. He was at their wedding. He was one of the only people who knew about the baby."

"Sounds like you had quite a good chat," I remarked. "I'm really sorry I'm not there with you now."

"I'm joining him for dinner later on. He's familiar with a previous draft of their will. He's going to fill me in on it so I don't have any shocks."

"Nice of him. You meet with the lawyer tomorrow?" The sound of a groan from Bella made my hopes drop. "Setback?"

"Oh, Edward! I wanted this to be over with quickly so I could get back to you and Don Everly. He had to go out of town for a family emergency. It's been postponed."

I buried my disappointment in an attempt to be mature. "On the bright side, this gives you more time with Kate."

"It does." There was silence for a moment. "Edward, how is Rosalie doing with the milk I stored? Is she running out?"

"Hasn't said anything." It was curious how much thought she gave to Nathan's nurturing when there was so much else going on. "You don't have to worry about that, you know –"

"I do, though! Tell Rose if she's running too low, I can Fed-Ex some to her. Being away from him hasn't slowed production at all."

A vision of Bella's swollen breasts in her blue nightie popped into my mind. It reminded me that I'd wanted to replace the panties Don had ruined. Thinking of her panties made me imagine her long legs wrapped around me, but before I could even muster a hint of embarrassment over a public erection, Don was suddenly dragging me through the mud I'd so carefully tried to avoid.

Despite the fact that Bella had sounded just as disappointed in the delay as I was, we ended our chat with her snickering at my muddy dilemma. I would traipse through mud every day for the rest of my life just to hear her laugh and truly be carefree. Rosalie's concern of Bella burying her inner turmoil had struck a chord with me, and I dreaded her being right about this.

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><p><em>AN ~ Happy Memorial Day, American friends! May I celebrate with you? :) _

_Thanks to Shug for beta-reading and getting this chapter back to me on time, and msj for finding time for pre-reading and dream weaving. And all of you for reading and sharing your puppy love and stories with me. You're the best. _

_Now, next update may or may not be on time. I'll be on vacation (Hallelujah! can I get an amen?) but I will honestly try to get the new chapter up for you all. We just want Bella to get home, right? I don't want to keep her from Edward much longer either. I will do my best. For you. 'Cause you're the best. XX ~ SR_


	24. Chapter 23

_A/N ~ Quick note to say hi, I'm back! And thanks for the notes while I was away. Sorry for my lack of responses - I got completely lazy on holiday. :) That's the point of those, right? Anyway, here we go..._

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><p><em><strong>True Love Way<strong>_

**Chapter 23**

A broad grin erupted when I left work a couple of days later. I'd been feeling low ever since my talk with Rosalie, and Bella's spirits seemed to dip lower with each phone conversation as well. Seeing my brother-in-law with baby and puppy in tow made me smile. It was nice to have a reason to smile.

"Hey, buddy! How's my best little guy?" I squatted down to greet him face-to-face.

"Really? He's better than Nathan?" Emmett teased me as I loved up my puppy before peeking in the stroller he was pushing. Nathan was sound asleep with rosy cheeks and his bottom lip protruding. It was moving up and down as though he was dreaming of sucking.

"You have your favourites; I have mine," I countered in the same tone he used. "Is he too warm? His cheeks are awfully red." Shifting the light blanket that covered Nathan, I took the opportunity to feel his skin. Warm, but not overheated.

"He always gets like that when he's overtired. That's why I brought him for a walk to meet you. Rosalie says the movement knocks him out every time. She was right."

I took the leash off Emmett's wrist so he could focus on the stroller. Don Everly was over-excited at seeing me, and he was causing Emmett's hands to jerk on the handles. "Rose taking a break?"

"She ran out for some groceries and stuff. We're on our own for dinner, by the way. I thought we could check out that new place by the pier. They have a patio. Don Everly is allowed, and Nathan loves being outside. He'll have a good little nap by the water."

I hummed in hesitation. "Sounds good, but has Don's situation improved any? Won't he put off the other diners?" His day of discovery in the apartment's cupboards had taught both of us a tough lesson. There are things puppies shouldn't eat. Ever. And puppy digestive upset was not pleasant. I'd dry heaved on more than a few occasions with his warning signs of impending business alone. I must have stared at the first mess on the grass for half an hour trying to decide how I would even begin to clean it up. It was not scoopable, certainly. But it was so ripe, I couldn't just leave it there. After that, I'd carried a jug of water with me to kind of wash it away. It wasn't ideal, but better than nothing.

"Nah, he's been good all day. Nice, solid poop this afternoon. Right, buddy? You did a good duty, didn't you?" Emmett's excitement over Don Everly's excrement matched the joy he had when he spoke of his son's movements. I'd never realized my brother-in-law had a poop fetish.

The new place not only permitted dogs on the patio, but catered to their needs as well. A bowl of water and complimentary Milkbone waswere served to Don Everly when the waiter broughtalong with our drinks. I determined this would be mine and Bella's new haunt. I'd yet to take her on an actual date – one that was understood to be a date. If our puppy continued to have separation anxiety, we'd never get out together. Or we'd have to bring him along.

Emmett asked the latest news on Bella as we finished our meal. Don was chomping away on his treat under the table, and Nathan dreamt on.

"Still no word from the lawyer, and Charlie had to fly back today."

"He couldn't get an extension on his time off? He's the Chief for Christ's sake!" Emmett scoffed.

"I'm sure he could have, but there was an incident…"

Emmett leaned forward on his elbows, anxious to hear the scoop. "An incident in Forks? Do tell."

"One of his deputies discharged his firearm. Reports have to be filed. Possibly an investigation –"

"Who?" His eyes lit up. "Anyone I know? What the hell happened, anyway? There's no crime in Forks."

I chuckled, allowing myself an internal whoop for this one. "Remember Newton?"

He scowled at the mention of his name. "That's the kid you kicked the shit out of in high school, right?"

I shrugged. "He finally got through the Academy. Charlie hired him on despite his taking half a dozen attempts to actually graduate."

"He's far too decent for his own good, that Charlie." Emmett shook his head in disbelief. "So what did the shithead do?"

I chewed on a corner of my mouth to supress the broad grin that threatened. "He, um, thought he saw something… behind his house."

"An intruder?"

"Nope. A wolf."

"A wolf? In Forks? Does he live up in the mountains?"

"Nope." I was finding it difficult not to burst out in laughter.

"And he shot it," Emmett guessed.

"He sure did. Only it wasn't a wolf."

"Dog?"

I nodded. "His neighbour's dog. Better still, he missed the dog and shot the neighbour."

"Oh shit!" Emmett took the pressure off me not to laugh at Mike Newton's expense by busting a gut himself. "Man… who's the neighbour?"

"This is the good part – Jacob Black."

"Jacob Black… Jacob Black… whyWhy does that name sound familiar?"

"Forks' would-be star, Jacob Black – you know, the kid who was scouted in college and promised to be the new Tebow? Massive kid… really quick, great arm –"

His jaw dropped. "Christ. Newton took out Charlie's football wet dream?"

I nodded, trying to show the proper amount of concern for the kid. It couldn't be completely pulled off since the injury wasn't life-threatening, and it made Newton out to be the entire town's enemy number one. "Could be a career-ender. For both of them."

It felt good to laugh with Emmett, and I momentarily forgetforgot the emptiness I felt without Bella at my side. My worry over her still gnawed, but I headed home feeling better than I had since she'd left.

"Rose and I figured we'd get out of your way for the night," Emmett announced as we climbed the stairs. "You've got to be sick of having us around. Not to mention the nipples lined up on your counter and diapers in your garbage."

"It's actually more disturbing seeing my sister's bra hung over the shower rod. Why does she do that?"

"You're asking me, man? I have no idea why women do anything. Look at the women I grew up with and ask me that again."

I chuckled as I thought of his upbringing. His mother was like no other, and Alice was Alice.

"I forgot you never shared a bathroom with her."

"Benefit of having a brother and a large house," I retorted. "Jazz may have left his boxers on the floor of our bathroom, but he never hung them out on display like a piece of art."

"Ladies undergarments are pieces of art," Emmett quipped with an eyebrow waggle. "You'll see all about that, Nathan." Tenderly, he kissed his son's forehead as he removed him from the stroller. He was alert now and staring directly at me. I gave him a finger wave, and his arms started flapping.

"You want Uncle Ed, eh? Just wait until we get inside and get you changed. You haven't dropped a bomb in hours. There's got to be one in there."

While Emmett took care of Nathan's business, I filled Don Everly's bowl with his dinner and then checked my messages. Nothing from Bella, and that was the only one who mattered. I was typing out a text as I made my way to my bedroom to change but got tripped up as I stubbed my toe on something immovable that wasn't normally there.

Cursing, I reached into my room to click the light on as I rubbed my wounded toe. I was still standing there staring at the foreign object when Emmett and Nathan came out of the spare room.

"Like it?" He beamed as he directed the question at me. "This is gonna make your life a whole lot easier."

"What the hell is it? A resting place for shitty diapers?"

Emmetted snorted in disbelief. "Certainly not!"

"It's not a playpen of some sort, is it?" It wasn't that I was opposed to having some of Nathan's things here for when they came over, I didn't want him caged up like an animal – "Wait… that's not what I think it is."

"It's a crate!" My normally intuitive friend and brother-in-law was oblivious to my feelings at the moment.

"What's the crate for, Emmett?"

"For crate training."

I blinked at him, holding my tongue.

"Look, I know it doesn't look very appealing, but trust me on this – you need crate training."

"_I_ need crate training?" My eyes widened as I tried to figure out how I'd even get in there.

"Not you, numbnuts. Don Everly."

"I'm not putting him back in a cage, Em. I rescued him from a cage. He's not going back."

"It's not a cage –"

"It looks remarkably like a cage," I argued.

"Well, you can decorate it or whatever the hell you want to do with it. It's not a _cage_, per se, but a training tool and a safe house for when you're out. Do you want him destroying your apartment every day? Getting sick every time he eats the wrong thing? Howling?"

"Okay, okay… I know he needs training. It's just this… I don't know if this is something I can do. I'm serious. I'm weak, Emmett. I don't think I can lock him up in that."

Emmett displayed his deep dimples as he grinned. "Here, take Nathan. We'll show you how it's done."

After I had hold of the baby, Emmett sat on the floor with my puppy, just as he had the first day he met him. He hugged him and rubbed his ears. He stretched out and let Don Everly nuzzle at his ribs as though he was digging for something. Both were in their glory. After a bit of playful wrestling, Emmett scooped something up and tossed it in the crate. Don Everly happily chased after it. I peered in to see what he was after.

"Shit. Em, that's Nathan's!"

"Yeah, I know. He doesn't give a hoot about it, but your puppy goes nuts for it."

"Didn't Alice give him that?" I knew she had. Only Alice would give a baby boy a hand-sewn soft doll dressed in little blue overalls.

"She can make him another one. No big deal. Trust me, if she saw how crazy Don Everly was about this thing, she'd make him one too."

"Okay, so what…? You bribe him into the cage –"

"Crate, Ed. It's a training crate."

I rolled my eyes at him as I shifted Nathan in my arms. I had almost forgotten I was holding him. "You lure him into the _crate_ with something he shouldn't have – good training method."

"Don't judge. Clearly, you know nothing about puppy rearing, so let the master teach you. You get him used to his crate and provide him with a beloved plaything so he feels comfortable and not abandoned. This isn't something he shouldn't have. If Nathan knew Don Everly loved his toy this much, he'd give it to him. Since my son isn't aware he even has a doll, I'm acting for him. It's now Don's. His comfort toy for the crate. Get it?"

He did look quite content. Currently, his big puppy paws had the cloth doll pinned to the floor of the crate while he nipped at what looked like an arm. "Isn't he gonna tear that thing to shreds? He could choke on the stuffing."

"You've obviously never examined any of my sister's handiwork. This thing is indestructible. Even if he did get it opened, she doesn't use stuffing. It's some kid-friendly, non-toxic, bead-like crap. If Don eats it, he'll just poop it out. No big deal."

"Huh." I still wasn't sure about cooping him up this way, but he certainly didn't seem to mind it.

"You can put his bed in here, too. There's enough room for him to stretch out. Then you'll know he's not getting into anything while you're sawing logs. When you actually go out" – he paused to retrieve a bag from one of the cupboards over the breakfast bar – "this will keep him occupied when the doll doesn't cut it." He held out toy bone that had a secret compartment. "Just stuff some peanut butter down there, and he'll spend hours trying to get at it."

It struck me that Emmett had put a lot of thought into the crate training of my and Bella's puppy. He didn't have to do this. "Maxwell Smart prototypes for puppies," I quipped with a bashful grin. "Sorry for giving you a hard time over this. This is very cool of you. I do appreciate it."

"Yeah, yeah." He waved me off with a grin. "How much do you appreciate it?"

"Ummm…" I chuckled, unsure of how to respond.

"Enough to let me take Rose out for half an hour? She's been craving ice cream. I've been craving time with my wife."

"Yeah! Sure. No problem. Go."

I could deal with a baby for half an hour. This baby, anyway. Probably not any other one.

Rose was delighted when she came in and heard the news. She'd already dropped some of her shopping off at home, so all she had to do was unpack a couple of bags to restock my kitchen before they took off. I'm pretty sure she thought I'd change my mind if Nathan so much as made a peep. Or a poop.

I carried Nathan over to the training crate to watch Don Everly. The door was open – he was free to scurry out and wander the apartment, but he was very content to lie there with Nathan's toy for the moment. I pulled over a chair so I could sit and watch him. His ears perked up as I sat. The doll hung limply from his mouth as he stood, snuffling his way out of the cage and over to me. He dropped the soggy doll on my bare foot and began sniffing at the chair like a police dog would sniff out drugs.

"What's up, dude? Did Emmett drop some peanut butter here?" I stood to check it out. "Is there peanut butter on my ass now?" Don ignored me, and my ass, so I assumed I was in the clear. He picked up Nathan's doll and jumped up in the chair, curling his body into it and staring at me with sad eyes. I sat on the floor with Nathan, resting my head against the cushion on the chair to stare back at him. It smelled like vanilla and flour. Remnants of his first day alone. If he had claimed this as his chair, it would soon smell like sweaty puppy, but for now it smelled like Bella.

Bella…

"You miss her too, don't you?" I whispered to him. His snout tipped up to nuzzle in my hair.

"I miss Bella. Do you miss Bella, Nathan?" He was so quiet and comfortable in my arms, it was easy to forget I even had him. I turned him around to face us, bending my legs at the knees to brace him against my thighs as I rested my back against the chair. He had one hand spinning in erratic circles and the other fisted at his face as his tiny lips tried frantically to get at it. "Are you hungry? No one said you should be hungry." He'd be crying if he was hungry, wouldn't he?

Behind me, Don sniffed at the cushion and whimpered softly. "_Do_ you miss Bella?" I whispered to Nathan again. "I never knew my mom to know if I should miss her or not. I think I'd miss her if I knew her. Bella's a really special type of mom. She's not really your mom – you had another mom and now a forever mom. Your mommy's forever, Nathan. She loves you so very much."

My mind saw Rosalie's pained expression from a few days earlier when she told me she'd give Nathan up for me. "She's forever. And you're the luckiest little boy to have her. Grandma Esme is my forever mommy. She can be a pain in the ass sometimes."

I snorted out a chuckle. "I've got to learn how to watch myself around you. Soon you'll understand exactly what I'm saying, and you'll tell Grandma she's a pain in the ass. I don't mean it nastily. She does everything out of love, you know? You'll see someday. Your mom will hover, and give you too much advice, and make you brush your hair when you don't want to, and sometimes clean up your face with her own spit." I shuddered, thinking of all the times my mom had wiped at the corner of my mouth after dabbing her fingertip on her own tongue for moisture.

From there, I thought of all the times she lovinglovingly and skillfully applied a fresh bandage to my many scrapes and cuts. How she always kept a little tool kit in her purse to fix my glasses quickly. The hours she spent playing cards with me when I was plagued with another round of bronchitis. _She gave up nursing for me._

Would I ever feel so strongly about an infant that I'd be willing to give up something I adored? I couldn't see how that was possible. A baby is a baby. How can you know that you'll even like this new person? They don't even have a personality… except for this one. Nathan had plenty of personality.

He brought a smile to my face as he began grunting around his fist. He'd finally gotten it into his mouth, and he wore a fierce look of determination. His eyebrows were turning red, and his body was stiffening. I shifted him so that his legs could bend up my stomach. He seemed uncomfortable.

The grunting continued until his entire face was red and an ungodly noise emitted from him. I felt a vibration against my waist where he sat on me. And… moisture? I stopped smiling. "Was that…?"

Nathan went back to his usual self, pink and happy, arms flailing.

"Dude… you didn't just drop a bomb on me. Did you?" Holding him up under the arms, I got a whiff that confirmed by biggest fear. I groaned as his legs began to kick around, stirring up the odour even more. I dreaded looking down at myself but I had to. Sure enough, a mustardy blotch soiled the middle of my t-shirt. I gagged. It wasn't something I intended to do. I was the adult here, and this baby had a problem that I was supposed to deal with. I'd never heard my siblings or their mates talk about gagging over their kids' crap. I could deal with this.

I had to deal with this.

My phone rang as I stood, still holding Nathan under the armpits – at a distance. I couldn't possibly answer the phone right now, and I desperately needed to. It had to be Rosalie calling. I tried kicking my cell phone until it turned over and attempted to hit speaker with my toes. If only I had let Bella teach me her toe technique. Finally, I gave up and cradled Nathan, freeing a hand.

"Rose! You've gotta get home. Right now."

"Edward? What's wrong?"

The voice on the other end instantly sent my heart racing and soothed me at the same time. "Bella! Oh my god. You don't know how good your timing is. I'm with Nathan, and we've got a situation."

"Is he okay?" The worry in her voice made me want to kick myself. Of course she'd fear the worst.

"Yeah… he's fine. He crapped, Bella. I mean, he didn't just crap. He freakin' exploded! I had him sitting on my stomach – kinda – and he turned all red and grunted and shit. And then… holy shit. It's everywhere. What am I going to do?"

Instead of an immediate solution, I got several moments of uncontrollable laughter.

"Nice that you think it's amusing, but I'm seriously covered in shit here. And so is Nathan."

Gaining control of herself, Bella finally spoke. "Obviously Rose is out? So give him to Emmett. That's what daddies are for."

"He's not here!"

There was silence.

"Bella?"

"What are you doing with Nathan on your own?"

"They went out for ice cream," I explained with a pathetic sigh. "They've been really great about helping me out with Don Everly and everything. They wanted a half hour to themselves. I figured I could manage that, but no. The kid decides to blow out his bowels when I'm alone with him. I'm alone with him, Bella! What am I going to do?"

"You're asking me? I've never changed a baby in my life! Not even Tanya. You said they won't be gone long. Just wait it out."

"That's it? That's your best suggestion?" I expected more from her. Then I realized I had no reason to. She was in the same position as me – the non-parenting group. "Sorry. I'm sorry for that. I'm just freaked out. We can't wait it out. It's literally all over us."

"Was he naked?"

"No!" I exclaimed in frustration. "He's fully clothed! You don't comprehend the force of this shit, Bella. It came _through_ the diaper. Through his clothes! How does that even happen? Is there something wrong with him? Should I take him over to the hospital?"

"I'd wait on that," she replied calmly. "It would be quite a scene having a 911 responder rushing in with a baby in a poopy diaper and no clue."

Okay. I had to chuckle at that. "Fair enough. Okay. I'd laugh at the idiot who'd call in with this. You're right. I need to calm down and figure something out. In the meantime, his crap is seeping into my sleeve. I'm throwing this t-shirt out."

"Wrap him in something. Your t-shirt's already ruined. Use that."

It seemed like a viable solution to my problem. "Okay. Hold on. I'm putting you on speaker while I set Nathan down somewhere." I laid him on one of the dozen fleece blanket things Rose had around the apartment for when she burped him.

"Are you stripping?" Bella asked in a sultry voice.

I snorted as I yanked my t-shirt over my head. "Not the time, sweetheart. Okay, I've kinda got it wrapped around him… it's huge. It's too big for him."

"Duh."

"Very helpful," I chuckled.

"Fold it. Or like, lay it out and then lay him on it. Bring part of it up between his legs and then bring the sides in like a huge cloth diaper."

"Ah, now you're thinking. This could work." I did as she suggested and tied the three pieces together in a big knot at the front. And then gagged again. "Damn. This stinks."

"Worse than puppy poop?"

I gave that some consideration. Don Everly had shocked my system with his own blow-outs the past few days. "No. Just different. And it's on me. Gross."

"Aw, sweetie, you'll clean up just fine. If I was there, I'd scrub you down."

Groaning, I took a seat on the floor beside Nathan in his makeshift double diaper. "Don't do this to me. I already miss you enough."

"I have good news."

My spirits picked up, and my grin was unstoppable. "You've heard from the lawyer? Will he see you tomorrow? Please tell me you've got a firm appointment."

"Better. I just came from his house. He felt bad putting me off, so he had a driver come and pick me up. Everything's settled."

"Yeah?" I was beaming. Sky-high. "When do I get you back?" I braced myself for another setback. Another excuse to stay in Phoenix.

"Is tomorrow too soon?"

Relief flooded through me. "Tomorrow can't come soon enough," I replied softly. "I'll pick you up at the airport. Seattle?"

"Port Angeles. I want to get home as quick as possible."

"I'll check the arrivals in the morning and be there an hour early," I proclaimed. "How did your meeting go?"

There was a heavy sigh from her end. "It was… distressing. And a relief. And… "

"Too much?" I offered.

"Definitely too much."

"We can talk more once you're home." I planned on talking and listening, pampering and spoiling. I planned to go all out in completely winning my girl's heart. I wanted her to know she could tell me anything. She needed to know I would be there for her through anything. Anything.

"I'm gonna let you get back to babysitting," she said softly. It made me snicker.

"I'm babysitting," I commented in disbelief.

"I know. Who _are_ you? This is not the Edward Cullen I know."

She was teasing, but it rang true. This wasn't a part of me I recognized in the least. I would never have imagined me in this situation. But even with the super-duper-pooper blow-out, it wasn't all that bad.

~ 0 ~

Once I had my apartment to myself again, I stretched out on the couch after a near-scalding shower. I swore my skin looked stained, but I couldn't scrub any more without taking off a layer of flesh. The couch smelled like Nathan – the good-smelling Nathan. I considered sleeping right there but recalled Emmett advising me to get Don Everly used to nightly crate trainings. There's no way I could lie there on the couch, staring at my beautiful puppy in a cage/crate/whatever. That's when I realized he wasn't his usual self. Of course he had weaved in and out through everyone's legs as I saw Rose, Emmett, and Nathan out, but after that, there was no playful Don. I sat up and peered over the back of the couch. He was back in the chair. Bella's vanilla chair. He had his chin on the arm, staring back at me as if to say, 'You're no fun without Bella. Fix this, or I'm out.' It was true – I was always more fun with Bella around.

"I'm bringing her home to us tomorrow, Don Everly. You can't monopolize her, either. I miss her too, and I was here first."

One of his ears twitched, and he continued to stare at me accusingly.

"Okay, we'll take turns. But we can't tire her out. We have to take care of her – you and I. We can do that, right? She's easier to take care of than Nathan, and we got through that."

A doggy yawn told the tale – I was boring as hell.

"Want to go for a walk?"

He actually turned his back to me. On the way to being insulted, I grabbed his leash from the hook by the door. He usually came running when he heard the jangling, but he didn't budge.

"All right. I'm not in much of a walking mood myself. We should just call it a night. The sooner we go to sleep, the sooner it's tomorrow and Bella will be home." I put his bed in his crate, as instructed, and tossed in Nathan's still-soggy toy. Don Everly allowed me to hug him before he slipped inside and curled up with the doll. I didn't latch the door. He looked so sad in there I couldn't bear to lock him in. "It'll be tomorrow when we wake up."

Dad used to use that on us when we were little. It was his famous line whenever we were over-excited about an excursion or holiday. Once sent up to bed, Jasper would sneak into my room, and we'd read comics together under the blankets. Sometimes we'd play cards. Young Jasper had an infectious giggle, however, and it always gave us away. Dad would come and scoot him back into his own bed and tsk-tsk me. Then he'd sneak back in, knowing it would be nearly impossible for me to sleep with the anxiety over whatever was coming. I used to think it was something he did in rotation with all of us until I was a little older. Then I thought it as our special thing. I didn't go throw a football around with him like Jasper did, and I wasn't Daddy's girl. I was just the odd son. Spending those nights whispering in the dark about everything and nothing made me feel like I was special to him in some way. I put an end to it when I figured out it was easing his own anxiety to keep me calm. I didn't want another parent coddling me or pitying me.

Older and wiser, I now wished I had given him more time – appreciated him more for trying his best with a difficult child. He never made it seem like I caused him trouble, though I know I did. He had the patience of a saint, something essential in a great dad. I would never be able to be like him. He always knew when I needed him around and when to just back off. The ideal dad.

Except for the lectures, of course.

I smirked, recalling some of them. Fatherly advice. Something else I'd never be able to do because I'd be just as embarrassed as the advisor as I was as the recipient. Thank God I'd never have to have a talk with Don Everly about masturbation, or birth control, or knowing how to take a girl's cues to stop. Of course, the latter two pertained more to my brother than me, but I still had to sit in.

The one speech I recalled the most was when we were twelve or thirteen. I sat enraptured as he informed us how to tell if a girl liked a boy. He spoke of how they'd giggle a lot. How they liked to tease us. They weren't being mean if they teased us with giggles. It meant they liked us. He said we could catch them staring at us doing ordinary things, like eating an apple or stowing books in a locker. They would gather with other girls and whisper and giggle some more. And some brave girls would even smile at the boy they liked – a lot.

That never happened to me, but I saw it a lot with Jasper. Oddly, I could identify the flirtatious girls now. There were a few of the nurses at the hospital who routinely checked me out. There was even a woman who did volunteer hours at the dispatch office who insisted on running her fingers through my hair every time she saw me. She had to be seventy. Lauren had when I first started going to her restaurant. Then we became friends, and the looks she gave me changed. They changed again when we started dating. Funny, the only girl I ever wanted to have look at me that way was Bella.

Bella didn't giggle much. She laughed a lot though. She was the first girl besides my sister with whom I could maintain eye contact with. Sometimes, we didn't even have to use words to speak to each other. If I was on the edge, she could just look at me and keep me calm.

I couldn't recall when I'd climbed into bed, but there I was, thinking of my dad and of course, Bella, when I heard Don begin to whimper. "Fuck it," I said to myself as I threw the blankets off. "I'm a spare the rod kind of guy. DON EVERLY!" I called out as I pulled my bedroom door open.

The puppy I knew and loved came rushing towards me, knocking me off my feet when I stooped down to hug him. He lapped at my face and then my arms when I tried to cover up.

"Come on, buddy. This is our last night alone, and it's gonna be a long night. You can stay with me, just don't drool on my pillow." He was on the bed even before I was. I got the impression he didn't know I'd given him permission. He just knew what he wanted. And he probably knew what a pushover I was already. I prepared myself for his snoring, but it didn't come. There were long sighs and whines. A lot of scratching and rolling around. At one point he jumped off the bed and disappeared, only to return with clothing hanging from his mouth. One of Bella's t-shirts. He curled up with it and Nathan's doll, and the snoring began soon after I started rubbing behind his ears. At least one of us would sleep.

~ 0 ~

I should have been a bear in the morning. I'd maybe slept for two hours, tops. Instead, I felt invigorated when the sun shone in through the blinds. I hadn't bothered to close them because we rarely had sun disturbing us in the morning anyway. The moment I stirred, Don Everly was up and at 'em as well. By the circles he did around me as I stood in front of the toilet, he had to pee just as badly as I did. I gargled as I threw on some sweats and a hat, and Don and I went for a run in the early morning light. A little quality time did wonders for his spirits. I wondered if I'd be allowed to bring him into the airport when I went to retrieve Bella. Probably not. She'd said her flight was in the morning, so that meant afternoon or early evening arrival. I figured I could hit up Emmett for another hour or so of puppy-minding.

The run gave me even more energy, and when we returned to the apartment, I started cleaning. I wanted everything to be perfect for Bella's return. When I was satisfied with the cleanliness, I went around making the apartment just as much hers as mine. I laid her favourite lap blanket over her reading chair. In the kitchen, I put her mug next to the coffeemaker and placed her cooking magazine that had arrived the day before on the breakfast bar. I was hoping she'd attempt the pasta dish on the cover sometime soon.

On to the bedroom. I stripped the bed and put on the new sheets Rosalie had picked up and washed. Don Everly didn't approve of the clean laundry scent that replaced Bella's, but she'd make it her own soon enough. I put a lavender candle on her bed stand. She liked the scent and purple was one of her favourite colours when she was younger. I hoped it still was.

"Should we get her some flowers, Don? What do you think?"

He ignored me as he snuffled around with a bag he'd pulled from the closet.

"Don't you go shredding anything else, Master Mess Maker," I warned. "What have you got th – Oh." I ran my hands over my face as he hauled out Bella's panties that I'd tucked away, as promised. "Okay. Give me those." I went for him, and he ran. Black cotton and lace dangling from his jaw, he ran like a gazelle.

"Don Everly! You are in so much trouble when Bella gets home! Give me those!" He continued to lead the chase around the apartment. "Don! Come on, buddy… you're gonna get _me_ in so much trouble." My voice took on a pleading tone, all threats dropped. He flopped to the floor, huge puppy paws protectively covering what wasn't in his mouth. He was claiming them.

"Fine," I relented. "That _one_ pair. That's all, Don Everly. And when I take Bella shopping for replacements, you're not even gonna get to see them let alone sniff them or chew on them."

It wouldn't matter anyway. They were completely destroyed and once Bella was back, our puppy wouldn't need to get her scent that way. He'd have her here. All day. Every day. The thought of that made me happier than I'd ever been in my life.

Leaving him with his current obsession, I shaved and showered before running out one more time. I'd decided that flowers were indeed a good idea. The shop owner allowed me to bring Don Everly inside, rather than tethering him on the sidewalk, so I thanked her by purchasing three bouquets. One for her kitchen, another for the window she liked to read by, and the third for our bedroom.

_Our bedroom. _

I must have looked like a fool with my big dopey grin, laden with flowers and a dog pulling me along, but I couldn't have cared less. My Bella was coming home to me. Life was good. Better than good. I hesitated in thinking it perfect since I did have some lingering worries, but it truly was my ideal life.

I was at the top of my stairs when I heard the phone ringing. I rushed to my apartment door to unlock it and set the flowers down so I could answer. It had to be her.

"Bella? I just got in… give me a sec…" I half-dragged Don into the apartment, kicking the door shut before putting the bouquets in the kitchen. He ran, leash still attached, to retrieve his prized possession. Weird dog.

"Okay. We're in. Are you at the airport?"

"Edward…"

The elation I'd felt plummeted. Her voice was weak, almost breathless. Something was wrong. "Bella? Honey, where are you? What's wrong?"

"I can't – Edward, I can't do it."

"Can't do what? Where are you?" I was seriously worried now.

"I'm… at the – I'm in Phoenix. Edward – I missed my flight."

I gritted my teeth and swallowed my selfish disappointment. "Ohhh, that sucks. Well, I'll get online and check out your options. Is Kate still with you?"

"No. I'm at the gate."

I thought she sounded like she'd been crying, and it was confirmed with a loud intake of breath as she sobbed. "Honey –"

"I don't know what happened!" she cried out between sobs. "I said goodbye to everyone. They all came with me – Kate, Garrett, Tanya. I was fine. I was totally fine!"

"Okay, so what happened?" My instinct kicked in. She was in distress. I had to talk her down like I would an emergency caller. "Bella? Honey, take a deep breath. Can you do that for me? Deep breath in… and blow it out. Two more times. Okay?" I waited. "Now, can you talk? Did something happen after they left?"

"I… I froze. I started down the ramp… boarding the…" Another sob got choked off. "I froze and then I started shaking. I can't stop shaking, Edward. I can't… I can't get on –"

Fuck. Post traumatic shock. I knew it was too soon for her to fly again. It was hardly the time to say so, however. "I understand, Bella. It's perfectly understandable."

"I'm such an idiot to think I could do this."

"No. You're brave. So very brave. And human. Anyone could react this way."

"They held the plane for me. For forty fucking minutes while I freaked out. God. I'm so embarrassed. They're still staring at me. The desk crew at the gate. They're standing there staring at me like I'm a psychopath. I think they've called security. Crazy alert."

A small part of me wanted to smile at the fact that I would be thinking the exact same things if I were in her situation. "You're not crazy," I said softly.

"I seriously…" Sob. "Think –" Hiccup. "I might –" Rapid intakes of breath. "– be, Edward. I'm losing it here."

"What's Kate's number?"

Hiccup. "What?"

"Kate's number. Stay on the line. I'll call her from my cell – get her to go back for you."

Loud, heart-breaking sobs filled my ear. "Iwannacomeh-h-hoooome."

"Honey, we're going to get you home, okay? But for now, you need to go home with Kate."

"Noooo." She cried her heart out like a lost little girl.

"Bella," I whispered in a plea. "I'm going to come get you. Okay? I'll be there. I'll bring you home. I'll bring you wherever you want to go. Just wait for Kate to come back and go to her house. All right? I'll be there."

"When?"

"Soon, honey. As soon as I possibly can. I promise."

"Call her," she whispered frantically. "Please? Can you call her? Tell her… tell her I've… I'm a mess. I'm shaking so much, Edward. I can't stop shaking. Or crying. I can't… can't move. I want to hide. Everyone's staring, Edward."

My eyes squeezed shut as though I could avoid the mental image of her breaking down all alone. "I know exactly what you're going through, Bella. I do. And it will end. I need Kate's number. Can you tell me? I could call Charlie and ask him –"

"No! Oh god, no!" She pleaded frantically. "Don't tell my dad. Don't. Just don't."

"Okay –"

"Okay." She sniffled several times as she struggled to control her breathing. "Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm okay."

She was anything but, and we both knew it.

"I'm… okay. I'll call her. I'll call."

"Breathe, Bella. Remember to breathe deep and slow." As I was talking to her, I was leafing through the pad of paper she kept with her books, hoping to find Kate's number scribbled somewhere.

I heard her breathing as I instructed. "Okay. I'm good."

"You'll be even better when you get away from the airport. Is there someone there you'd feel comfortable asking for help outside? You'd be better waiting for Kate outside."

"Noooo. No. No way. No. I just want to be by myself."

I bit down on my lip to supress the scream I wanted to let out for her. I had been exactly where she was, many, many times.

"I feel so stupid," she whispered.

"You're anything but. Believe me. This can happen to anyone." I did a fist-pump as I struck gold, spotting Kate's cell number written beside a sketch of a cactus. "Listen Bella, you have to hang up so Kate can call you, okay? I've got her number here. I'm going to call for you, but she'll need to get in touch with you to find out where to meet you. Will you be all right if I hang up?"

"Y-yes… no. No!"

I blew out a breath, never wanting the ability to teleport more than this moment. "Stay on with me then. I'll call Kate, and you can talk through me."

I carried out my plan, getting them on the same track and Bella safely in Kate's car. As soon as they were together, I let Kate go to focus on driving Bella as far away from the airport as possible. While I stayed on the line with Bella, I began packing a bag with essentials. Bella alternated rambling and sobbing until finally she grew quiet.

"Edward?" Kate's voice was much stronger than Bella's.

"I'm here."

"I've pulled in the driveway. Garrett's getting her out of the car. I don't know what to do now."

"I do. Can you just stay with her until I get there? I've got it under control."

Honestly, I had no idea what I was going to do, but I had never felt more confident and in control. Bella, in her incoherent ramble, had told me she needed me. That she'd always needed me. I'd find a way to get her home and never let her go.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ I've been getting lots of puppy tips from readers, thank you. :) When this portion was written, msj was my guide of all things essential to a new puppy owner. She is my Emmett muse - without the pecs and penis. ;) Thank you BB! _

_Shug did some major work on this chapter for me, at a super busy time, so I thank her again and again and again. I'm doing my final edits whilst waiting to board my flight home, so please excuse any oversights. Join me next time when Edward goes on a little adventure. Thanks for reading! XX ~ SR_


	25. Chapter 24

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 24**

I'd barely put my car in park when I threw open the door and raced up Rosalie's driveway. I prayed she was home. I needed her now more than ever.

"Hey, you!" She smiled widely as she greeted me at the door with Nathan in her arms. "I was about to have some lunch. Join me?"

"Can't," I panted. The adrenaline flowing through me left me breathless. "I'm here for a favour. A huge one."

Her eyes widened in interest. "What do you need?"

"Help. You said I never ask for help. I'm asking."

"And I repeat – what do you need?"

I smiled at my eternally giving sister. "Would you mind moving back into my apartment temporarily?"

"Lonely?"

I shook my head. "I'm going to get Bella. You were right, Rose. She fooled us all with her act of strength. She's folding at this very moment, and I need to get to her."

Concern flashed across her face. "Where is she? Do you want me to go with you? I'll call Em."

Again, I shook my head. "This is something I have to do on my own. I'm going to get my girl."

Rosalie's eyes shimmered as she smiled widely. "You are. Go! Go get her, Edward. Bring her home!"

I embraced her quickly, stopping to drop a light kiss on my nephew's soft head. "Take care of your mom, big guy. Don't let Don Everly steal all your toys. See you soon."

I had contemplated driving to Seattle. The chances of a last-minute flight to anywhere near Phoenix were much better there. In the end, I decided to stick close to home. Port Angeles sent me to Portland, where I was on a standby list to both Phoenix and Los Angeles. We were barely in the air long enough for me to realize what I was doing. It didn't matter anyway. Anxiety be damned, nothing could stop me from going to Bella.

Racing through the terminal, I was moments too late for the Phoenix flight. Los Angeles was fully booked, but I waited anyway. Desperate to get moving anywhere nearer to my girl, I took the last seat on a flight to Salt Lake City. The broker informed me I would make it in plenty of time to catch the Phoenix flight from there, and she pre-booked me on it. I wanted to jump the counter and lay a big kiss on her, but I didn't need security hauling me out. Instead, I gave her my most sincere thanks, smiled, and took off for the security checkpoint. The line got me riled. I wanted to scream at the people who waited until they were up there to begin the jacket and shoe removal. Even I knew airport routines, and I didn't fly. I was six people back when the final boarding call was announced for my flight. My nerves kicked in, as did my ability to be even the slightest bit socially correct. When the lady at the head of the line began complaining about the restrictions on her carry-on items, I lost it.

"For Christ's sake, lady! Is jam a fluid? Are you serious?" Why would she even think that it would be accepted in a carry-on?

"I think it's more of a solid, actually," a man in the next line offered.

"Technically, it's both," a third opined. "A gel, really."

I threw my head back and silently prayed to the ceiling for a way to escape this. "Honestly, I believe you're correct. But since it does contain properties of a fluid, and fluids in that quantity are _banned_ from flights, whether it also has properties of a solid is redundant."

"What will I do with it?" The jam lady refused to give up. "Does anyone actually think I would tamper with jars of jam? Does anyone mind if I bring this on?"

"If she brings that, I'm keeping my three dollar bottle of water!" A voice shouted from the end of the line.

"And I'm not drinking my bottled breast milk to prove it's not contaminated."

As everyone in wait began offering their opinions and complaints, any patience I had disappeared. "Fluid!" I shouted over the noise to the jam lady. "No fluids! Get over it. You know you can buy jam pretty much anywhere. It's fruit or berries and a shitload of sugar. It's the same everywhere. Can we move on now?"

She looked away in horror as several others in front and behind snickered. One man applauded my lack of verbal tact, and soon I was racing for the gate.

"No, no, no, noooo!" I cried out as the doors to my gate were pulled shut. "I'm here! I'm on that plane. Please! I need to be on that plane."

"Sorry, sir. It's already been disengaged from the walkway. You'll have to go to booking and see when the next flight is."

I dropped my only piece of luggage – a small carry-on, and dragged my hands down my face. Why did this have to be so difficult? I was doing the right thing. For once, couldn't everyone just be on my side? For once, couldn't things just work out for me? I began pacing in front of their desk, tugging on my hair and muttering about all the injustices in my life. I was oblivious to everyone gathering around as I cursed my luck and pleaded with God to be there with Bella while I was stuck in Portland. For once… just once… can't_ I_ get the girl?

"You can stop the plane." I heard a man saying.

"That's right. I've seen them do it." A woman was agreeing with him. "In emergencies, they stop the plane and take the passenger in on the tarmac."

"It seems like an emergency."

My pacing stopped. I stared incredulously at the crowd that had gathered. Had I been speaking aloud? Did I look demented, or just in love? Either way, it was working for me. The crowd was on my side.

"Is it an emergency, sir?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed, half giddy. "It is an emergency."

One of the attendants picked up the phone and turned away to speak privately. I was either getting on that flight, or I would be held for questioning for God knew how long. I swear I could hear the ticks of the clock behind the desk, and it was digital. Seconds felt like hours.

"Sir? Come with me. They're allowing you to board. I don't know how I managed to convince the runway crew, but they're setting it up for you."

I released a sound of joy and shock. "Thank you!" I turned to my audience. "Thank you. Thank all of you. You have no idea how important this is."

They wished me luck as the staff member escorted me down a hallway and a set of stairs onto the tarmac where another crew member was waiting.

"I don't know what your emergency is," she said in parting, "but good luck to you."

"I'm going to get the girl this time," I quipped with a smile.

I was led onto the plane near the cockpit. As I peered in at the surprised passengers in first class, I could only imagine the looks I'd be getting as I made my way through to coach. I could only do this for Bella. She was merely two plane rides away, and she needed me. This was not the time to die on the spot, though I definitely would have under any other circumstance.

"Sir? Your seat is right here."

I looked at the flight attendant inquisitively.

"It's the only available seat."

I smiled in appreciation and stowed my bag as I uttered apologies to those around me in first class. They were already disinterested anyway. The flight attendant made sure I was belted in before she made her way back to her station to begin her take-off routine all over.

"You must be someone very important," the woman next to me commented in hushed tones. "You can tell me. I won't blab. You look familiar – what have I seen you in?"

"Pardon?" I glanced at her, completely confused.

"They tend to bring celebrities on before or after the other passengers to avoid a big fuss. So, who are you?"

I laughed louder than I should have, shaking my head. "I'm nobody. Trust me."

She made the short flight very enjoyable for me, making polite conversation that was simple enough to follow along with. In fact, she was so easy to converse with, I ended up telling her my mission. It helped pass the time, and we were landing in Utah before I knew it.

"You wouldn't happen to be catching the flight to Phoenix, would you? I could use the companionship," I commented with a sincere smile.

"Sorry. This is my stop. It seems odd to do introductions after that conversation, but I'm Stephenie. Meyer." She held her hand out to me.

Fuck. My first case of cold sweats was coming out over an expected handshake? As luck would have it – my luck, anyhow – I got nailed in the shoulder with a bag as a stout man tried to dislodge his briefcase from the overhead compartment. Stephenie reached for my shoulder, and I took the out, cupping her elbow rather than taking her hand.

"Edward Cullen. It's been a pleasure meeting you."

She nodded, returning my smile. "Don't you have another flight to catch?"

"I do, yeah. Thanks." I stumbled backwards towards the exit. "Thanks. Really." The flight attendant ushered me through the door, and my flight companion was gone.

"Edward!"

I turned back at the sound of her voice.

"Go get your girl! Don't let anything stop you!"

~ 0 ~

By the end of my third flight of the day, I'd had more than enough of air travel, airports, travellers, and intrusive security personnel. I took one look at the line for taxis and headed straight to the Budget booth. My rental was pulled up to the curb while my fellow passengers were still in the taxi line. It helped that I was the easiest person to please in terms of car rental. I honestly didn't care what I drove, as long as it got me to Kate's house – and Bella.

Not only did the rental have a GPS, but I actually used it. I didn't have time to waste on proving my manhood by using directional instinct. The GPS got me to the familiar street in twenty-two minutes. I sat out front for a moment to collect myself. If felt like only yesterday I'd sat across from these houses wondering if I'd made the biggest mistake of my life coming here. I knew it wasn't the case this time. This was where I needed to be.

Boldly, I walked up to Kate's door and rang the bell. It didn't dawn on me until it seemed to echo through the neighbourhood that it was late. I had no idea how late, all I knew was that it was dark. There were stars in the sky and very few houses with any lights on at all.

"Edward?" A sleepy voice asked as I stared at the sky in amazement. Stars looked different here. Maybe it was the lack of cloud cover. "It is you! Oh my goodness! I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow at the earliest – come in, come in!"

Kate tugged on my arm as I grinned at her. She hesitated only a moment before throwing her arms around me. I hadn't even considered what type of reaction I'd get from Bella's family, but now that I was here, I couldn't have asked for a better welcome.

"Sorry it's late. I woke you."

She waved her hand around and headed for the kitchen, snapping a light on. "I just crashed on the couch after Garrett left for work. It's not a big deal. I didn't really want to sleep in case Bella needed me. I never should have left her alone at the airport. I had this feeling that I should have waited there."

"How is she?" I asked with a sudden quiver in my voice.

Kate bit at the corner of her mouth, similar to Bella's habit. "She's… It wasn't good, Edward. She was so lost. So…" She shook her head trying to clear out the mental image. "I've never seen her so overwhelmed. She's better now. Calmer. Your friend came by earlier."

"Aro," I stated. I still had his pager number, and I made use of his service to leave a message pleading with him to tend to Bella. "Good. Did she talk to him?"

"She must have, yeah. He's been here for hours. He's still up there with her. He's by her side even when she's resting."

"She's asleep?"

"Not a restful one. She dozes off and on." The familiar voice came from behind me, and I turned to greet him. "Edward. It has been too long."

I felt my sinuses twitching, almost like I was about to… cry? "Aro. It has been. Too long." He hugged me as a father would. "Thank you for coming here for Bella."

"I'd do it again in a heartbeat," he replied with his slow, sedating voice. "Such turmoil in her life this past year. It's too much for anyone to endure without any repercussions at all, but there's strength in this young woman. Determination. And goodness. She'll come out of this – in time."

Okay, the twinge _was_ a warning of tears. They were filling my eyes at an astonishing speed. Too quick to just blink away.

"In time, my boy," Aro repeated gently. "And with great support."

I nodded, allowing the overflow to spill out and blinked away the rest of the tears. "Will you be around… if we need you? Kate said you've been here all evening. I don't even want to know what that bill will be, but send it to me anyway."

Aro chuckled amicably. "This one's on me. I wouldn't dream of billing you. What I do ask is that you keep in touch? Let me know how things are going – if I can be of further assistance."

"Absolutely," I vowed. "I… You know I've always trusted you more than any others in your field."

"Smart boy, this one." That comment was directed at Kate, who had moved in by my side. "I should be going. Thank you for the delightful time, dear Kate. Your cake was lovely. As was the tea. I just wish we had met under more pleasant circumstances."

They hugged like old friends as I kicked at the doorframe. It was great to see Kate, and Aro, but I was here to see Bella. There was nothing I wanted more than to run up the stairs and take her in my arms.

"Edward, do keep in touch. And take care of that young lady up there. She's a treasure."

This was my cue. "Which room is she in?"

"Left at the top," Kate informed me. "Go on. I know you're anxious."

"And Edward," Aro stopped me as I moved towards the stairs. "If you don't ask that girl to marry you, I'll do it myself."

I squinted at him, trying to determine if he recalled my feelings for Bella from our own sessions a decade earlier, or if he was going by his conversations with Bella. It was like him to throw out remarks in jest, but I doubted this was one of those.

"True love? When it's right, it's just right," he whispered near my ear.

So he remembered.

Upstairs, I stood in the doorway of Bella's room. Seeing her curled up in a ball on the bed made her look so small and vulnerable. Childlike. Suddenly I felt ridiculous thinking that I knew how she felt in the airport. Of course I had no idea. Anxiety could be crippling, and my own was severe, but I had no way of knowing how Bella felt. She had lived through one hell of a trauma – injuries, losses, drastic life decisions requiring immediate action. I had no idea how that would feel. Her fears were real whereas mine were, for the most part, imagined. All I knew was that Bella had eased some of my anxieties when I was at my worst, and I would be her rock now. If she'd let me.

A deep sigh broke the silence of the room, followed by whimpers. It broke my heart to watch her cry even in her sleep. I took a step forward, feeling the need to be physically closer to her. The floorboard beneath my foot creaked loudly, causing Bella to shoot up in bed.

She stared at me in the dark, sleepy confusion mixing with the shadows of the room. The faint light from the hallway illuminated the watery eyes locked on me. Her bottom lip trembled, and I didn't need an invitation to go to her. She collapsed against me as I sat on the bed, her arms gripping my waist, tugging at my shirt as she wept against my chest. I held her for what seemed like hours, whispering soothing words, stroking her hair, placing tender kisses along her hairline. Eventually, she cried herself out, and I continued my routine even while she slept. I had never seen Bella so utterly wrecked. And I'd never felt more love for her than the moment she grasped onto me like I was her lifeline. It made me feel wanted. Needed. And most importantly, equal. For the first time, I considered the possibility that Bella actually reciprocated my feelings. In that moment, I felt we could get through anything together.

~ 0 ~

I smiled at Bella as she gazed at me through sleepy eyes.

"Is this real? Are you actually here?"

Humming in acknowledgement, I kissed her forehead. "I'm here. And I think a… I dunno, what lives in the desert? Some kind of dry, desert animal has died in my mouth. I haven't brushed my teeth in a day."

Jolted, Bella pulled herself away from me and sat up straight. "What time is it? What day is it? When did you get here? How long did I sleep?"

"Only a few hours, really." I took the opportunity to stretch out the kink in my back before I added softly, "You cried longer than you slept."

Her eyes squeezed shut tightly as it came back to her. "I'm sorry."

I moved closer, giving my legs a good stretching as well, and pulled her against me. "Don't be," I whispered.

"Be honest. Not the best greeting you've ever received."

"I hate it – seeing you cry. I feel so helpless," I confessed. "But I wouldn't be anywhere else."

She offered me a sad, heart-breaking smile. "Honestly?"

"Honestly," I agreed with a smirk. "Except maybe the bathroom. Sorry, Bella, but I really have to excuse myself for a minute." My bladder had alerted me to the fact that drinks are served more freely in first class, and I hadn't relieved myself since the flight. It was even more pressing than the need to scrape the fur off my tongue.

One look at her panic-stricken face, and I stomped on my bladder. "Forget it. It can wait. I'm not going anywhere."

I watched her struggle with her emotions as her face displayed signs of fear and panic, embarrassment and doubt. Her hands gripped the bed sheet, twisting it into knots. "This is ridiculous," she said shakily. "I'm preventing you from taking a piss." A sob got choked off as she buried her face in her hands. "I can't stand to be away from you long enough to piss."

Just the mention of the word – twice – tweaked my bladder. I stood abruptly and held out my hand. "Come with me."

"To the bathroom?"

I nodded as her eyes went from mine, down to my extended hand. A small smile erupted, and she grabbed onto it with both of hers, placing a kiss in my palm before she released it. It was a sensation I'd never experienced before. I didn't know if this is what I'd been missing out on my entire life with my fear of having my hands touched, or if it was because Bella was the only woman I felt comfortable enough with to allow her to touch them, but it sent a tingling current flowing through my body. It felt more intimate than anything I'd ever experienced. If I'd happened to be a man who wore my emotions on my sleeve, I would've joined her in tears. Instead, I lifted her off the bed and set her down gently before taking her hand in mine.

She bent over the sink, brushing her teeth while I took care of business, and then we switched. Not even using her toothbrush seemed odd. It felt right in my mouth, just like her hand felt right in mine.

"If we were home, Don Everly would be right there." I pointed to the spot on the floor in between the toilet and the sink.

"Don Everly!" Bella gasped. "Where…?"

I spit out my final rinse. "He's okay. It's fine. Rosalie took Nathan over when I left. They'll stay with him until we get back. He'll love having Emmett around longer anyway." I thought about how that would make me feel if I were in Bella's shoes. "He misses you terribly."

Her face scrunched up as though she was going to explode into tears again. I'm fairly certain she had dried herself out though. "He thinks I've deserted him," she whispered in anguish.

"No… honey, no." That was the wrong thing to say. "You're everywhere in our apartment. In our home. He finds the spots that hold the most of the Bella essence, and he camps out there. I've joined him a few times," I admitted with a grin. In all honesty, if Bella didn't come back with me, I wouldn't be able to live there any longer. It was already 'our home'. Without Bella, it was nothing.

Quelling my old instincts to assume the worst, I focused on the here and now. "Do you feel up to going out for a bit? Taking a walk? Some breakfast maybe?"

She pushed me over to glance at her reflection in the mirror. "I'm a mess. You want to be seen with me like this?"

I took a spot behind her, smiling hugely as I wrapped my arms around her waist. "I would take my girl anywhere, anytime – proudly." I smiled even wider when her cheeks flushed a deep pink. "Come on. Show me around town."

~ 0 ~

Bella needed some time to 'take care of business' for Nathan, so I took the opportunity to soak up some morning sun. Garrett brought out two steaming mugs of coffee and joined me. We talked weather and entertainment, sports and politics. If someone were passing by, they'd never know we were dancing around a touchy subject. Neither of us felt the need to come out and say that Bella was in the middle of a breakdown. Since neither of us had a solution for her, there was no need to discuss it.

Garrett stood when Bella appeared at the door. He set his mug down and wrapped her in a hug, whispering into her ear as she returned the embrace. She looked almost childlike in her cut-offs and Vans, standing on her toes. She responded to him only with a nod and remained silent as she led me away from the house.

"You haven't mentioned my hair," she commented casually when we'd walked for a block in silence.

"You cut it." Non-commitment was the best way to go, I decided. Of course I'd noticed. She had it swept back into a ponytail, but it didn't disguise the fact that it was much shorter.

"For Tanya," she disclosed. "Kate thought it might upset Tanya if she saw me with the scar and everything." She shrugged as we strolled along. "It's weird... I hardly noticed it anymore. You were always so oblivious to my bald spot."

"It's growing in nicely," I retorted with a chuckle.

"Still, it put Kate in tears, seeing me that way. I didn't think twice about going as I was because I was going to family, you know?"

I nodded my understanding. "I'm sure Kate was just overwrought with emotion. She was worried about you. It probably hit her hard seeing you. Almost like the months in between hadn't happened."

"Still...it was strange for me. It made me realize that you, and Rose and Emmett, and Esme and Carlisle reacted more like family. Even Jasper and Alice were cool about it. Dad didn't even freak out over that."

"It was a shock for her," I commented gently. "We didn't see scars or bald spots because we were too busy looking at your eyes. They were a little puffier than they are this morning, but not much. Still beautiful."

Bella bumped her hip against mine, her cheeks flushing once more. "Such an Edward thing to say."

"It's true." I would have placed money on the fact that my cheeks matched hers. I couldn't recall the last time someone had made me blush. "It's also true that we all think of you as family, Bella. We always have."

"But strange that I'm more comfortable with my pseudo family than my real one at a time like this, no? It's crazy how much I missed you."

"Likewise." I gave her a nudge with my hip to see if she her cheeks flood with colour again. They did.

"It's not that Kate and Garrett haven't been great – they've been awesome. Really. It just made me think."

Somewhere, deep inside, that old doubt was niggling around. _She's not coming back..._

I stomped on it, as I had my urge to pee earlier. I was not leaving Bella alone in Phoenix. Not this time.

"So much has changed since I've been gone. I had brain surgery! It didn't really hit me until I saw their reactions. Fucking brain surgery. And dialysis. I've had a baby for Christ's sake." She shook her head. "So much has changed. I'm living with you. Do you realize that? It just sort of happened, and now I'm like... I'm living with Edward!"

"You put living with me on the same traumatic category as the rest of it? Wow. You know how to stroke a guy's ego." I kept my tone light, even though it was crushing me to know that.

"No! Oh my god... that came out so horribly. I just meant that _everything_ has changed. I've changed."

I stayed silent for a moment, unsure if she was done speaking. When I couldn't take it any longer, I asked, "Is that a bad thing?"

She stared at the ground as we walked, seemingly avoiding my inquiry. "Dunno," she finally remarked. "You haven't seen the full mess of my hair yet. This is a good place for breakfast. I'm starving. Want to eat here?"

Avoidance 101. I made a mental note to put Aro's number on speed dial.

After breakfast, we toured Bella's old stomping ground. She showed me the tree she'd fallen from after spending a summer mastering her climbing skills. We peered in the windows of her primary school, marveling over how tiny the chairs and desks looked. We made a complete circle and passed by the park we'd taken Tanya to the other time I was here.

"This place kind of changed my life," Bella said in a soft, reflective voice.

"How so? First kiss?"

"Pfft! Please. That was states away from here. I always felt like you were the best friend I'd ever had, but this is where I realized that I'd lose you."

My head was spinning. So much information coming at me. Jasper wasn't only her first boyfriend, he gave Bella her first kiss. And somehow I'd managed to make her think that I wouldn't always be around for her. What had I done that day in the park?

"Why did you think that?" I asked quietly.

"You'd changed. Inside, you were still my Edward, but otherwise..." She glanced at me and smiled sadly. "You got fit. And healthy. And confident. There was no way some girl wasn't going to snatch you up and naturally become an insanely jealous witch every time you called me, or I sent you an essay-sized email."

"I wouldn't have let anyone come between us, Bella."

"It wasn't fair to put you in a position to ever have to deal with that. I never wanted to cause you trouble or hold you back from what you should have."

Briefly, I wondered if she could hear my heart thundering in my chest. I did my best to ignore it and maintain my well-practiced state of calmness in stressful situations. "Bella, listen to me – I really want you to hear me and understand." She leaned against the stairs of the slide, and I moved to stand in front of her. "I'm the only one who can hold myself back. I _have_ changed, you're right. I'm no longer willing to let what I want slip away because I'm afraid to take a chance. I no longer feel like the world is watching me, just waiting for me to fuck up so they can laugh at me. Even if they were, I wouldn't care. The fact is I allowed myself to be ridiculed. To be unimportant."

"You were never unimportant." Bella grabbed onto the front of my shirt, shaking her head emphatically.

"Shhh, just let me finish. Please." I placed my hands on her waist, keeping her close. "I feel like all that I went through was essential for where I am now. I had to be there, to get to here. I learned the value of family and true friends. I know the cost of not taking chances; the difference between having what I want and settling. I don't want to settle anymore. You're trembling – are you okay?"

"I have to ask you something." Even her voice was unsteady. "Aro suggested I just ask you."

"Aro's all about the bluntness. Go ahead."

"Is this… do you feel … God, this is the most self-important notion –"

"Blunt, Bella. Just be blunt."

Her fingers tightened on my shirt as she gazed at me worriedly. "Do you feel obligated to… take care of things for me? To make up for… for what Ja –"

"No," I vowed firmly. "I don't mean to cut you off, but no. Just… no."

"This isn't about the way things ended back then?"

"No. I never wanted to see you hurt, but I can't change what happened. I'm not my brother's keeper."

"So this is…"

"What I want," I affirmed. "I'm exactly where I want to be."

"I feel selfish."

"Be selfish." I bent my knees to be eye level with her. "Bella, for once in your life, be selfish."

"I want to go home," she whispered. "No. There's something I want to do first. I can't go back in time, but I want to fix what I was too scared to do before." Releasing my shirt, her hands came up to my face, pulling me in to meet her mouth. Her kiss was tender, yet needy. Full of remorse, but also promise.

"You wanted blunt?" She wore a coy smile when we parted.

My tongue trailed over my bottom lip, still tasting Bella. "I like your blunt."

"I like the way you kiss. And your bottom lip drives me wild. I want to chew on it… suck it…"

My eyes widened in shock. I really liked blunt Bella. "I'm about to get very inappropriate for our location."

"I want to see your inappropriate." Her mouth claimed mine once more with a desperate moan. "Show me."

I made a quick survey of the area to ensure there were no children in sight. Satisfied that I wouldn't traumatize any youngsters, I lifted Bella up onto one of the stairs to the slide. Her eyes were locked on mine as she gripped my shoulders and wrapped her legs around my waist, locking her ankles behind me. I had no idea what she expected from doing that, but the look on her face matched my feelings on the very intimate contact. Her eyelids fluttered, then closed, and I don't know who moaned first. My mind flooded with images of sweat dripping between her breasts as I delved into her in this position. The rational part of me reminded me that I'd have to be gentle with her when we actually got down to it, but it was a fantasy after all. Frantic thrusting was completely viable in a fantasy.

In reality, I dipped my head and placed a tender kiss on the exposed flesh near the swoop of her v-neck. She shuddered and used her legs to press me more firmly against her. Jesus. Six weeks. Was that six week postpartum rule firm or flexible? How close were we to six weeks anyway? I licked, nibbled, and kissed my way up to her mouth that eagerly awaited me. She certainly seemed anxious to pursue the physical side of our relationship, but was she really ready for that? As a wave of dizziness washed over me, I wondered if I was even ready for that.

"Bella," I murmured, easing off on our kiss. "I think I might pass out." Passing out would be the better of the two things my body was giving warning signs of. At any age, in any stage of the relationship, breaking up an intimate encounter like this to vomit was never complimentary.

"It's the heat. You're not used to this."

At least she didn't take it personally, and she was right, of course. The vertigo subsided with a cool shower back at the house. Standing under the water stream, I realized that I wasn't entirely following through with my intentions. I had come here to take care of Bella – to prove to her that I could be everything she needed me to be. Aside from holding her through the night of tears, I hadn't done a thing for her. Instead, I had groped her in the park and ended up having her tend to me. The more I thought of our time together during the day, the more I saw that something was very off. She was trying too hard. She was burying her pain again.

A twinge of doubt played at my mind when I thought of how she'd opened up to Aro, obviously, but didn't feel comfortable doing the same with me. Then again, I'd played the same game all those years ago, using Aro as my sounding board. He'd allowed me to come to terms with my own inadequacies, and for that I was forever grateful, but he hadn't been able to convince me to let anyone else in. I determined that if I expected Bella to lean on me completely and pour her heart out, she was the one person who deserved the same from me. The only problem was the timing; she had more than enough on her plate at the moment. I'd have to be patient and let her lead.

I was pulling my jeans on in the bathroom when I heard the sounds of her sobbing. I rushed from the bathroom, barefooted and shirtless, and tapped on her door.

"Bella, honey, I'm coming in," I called out in warning. I felt if I asked permission, she may shut down. I found her slumped over in a chair, her face buried in her hands. I knelt in front of her, stroking her hair. Her hands left her face to reach for me. I was more than willing to just hold her again, but felt she really needed to get it out. "Honey, what's wrong? Can you talk to me?" I probed gently.

"I can't do it," she wept as I eased out of her grip. "There's nothing. I've come all this way only to fail at the end. I just can't do it."

"Do what, Bella? What is it? Can I help?"

She let out a sardonic snort, rolling her eyes and wiping at her nose at the same time. "Have you got mammary glands, Edward? If so, please speak up, because I'm dry." She waved her hands at her chest. She'd changed into a loose shirt, and it was hanging open. The breast pump hummed away beside her on the table. The bottle attached to it had just a few drops gathered.

"Maybe you need some fluids. It's really hot here. Have you been drinking enough?" Another snort made me feel completely useless with this, but she was only pointing out the obvious. I was out of my element. "You should rest. Try again in a little while," I suggested softly.

She shoved the chair back, away from me, and stood. "It's pointless. I'm completely fucking dry." Pacing the length of the room, she began angrily brushing at her tears that seemed to have no end. "I had nothing this morning either. I've gotten off schedule. And now Nathan will suffer for it. First I take off on them, and now I'm completely letting him down."

I remained silent while she ranted. I had no clue how to resolve this problem, and it was probably best for me not to try.

"Some mother I would have been, right?" she exclaimed. "I can't even do the thing my body is designed for. Life is so unfair! Rosalie was made to be a mother, but she can't have babies. I can pop one out, but can't take care of him. What kind of world is this? That's so fucked up!"

Her sudden anger shocked me a bit, but I tried not to show it. "I think you would have been just fine if you didn't have an alternative," I remarked. "You're adaptable. You would have found a way to take care of him, just like Rosalie and Emmett will. He'll be fine, Bella."

"You're saying I should have kept him? Adapted, and kept him?"

"No!" I shook my head aggressively to emphasize that wasn't at all what I was saying.

"Did I let you down, too?"

I hesitated, stupidly.

"Be honest with me," she demanded. "What are you thinking about right now?"

"I've never seen you so angry. You're scaring me a little," I admitted. "Also, I've never seen your breasts before, and I'm trying really hard not to stare at the left one. It's out." I scowled at my own lack of tact. Sure, her perfect breast was exposed during her tirade, and I'd had one hell of a time trying to focus on anything other than the bared flesh. The worst part of the entire ordeal was confessing to that.

Her skin was flushed with anger and now embarrassment on top of it. She tugged at her shirt, drawing it over her breasts before crossing her arms to keep it in place. "Sorry about that," she mumbled.

I rushed over to her, thinking I may need to just shut the fuck up and hold her. It was the only thing I seemed to be effective with. "I shouldn't have said that. I don't know why I did."

"I'm glad you did." Bella peered up at me through her wet lashes. "Now I believe that you aren't upset with me for giving up Nathan. You wouldn't be talking about my boobs if you were thinking of Nathan."

I smirked at her. "You overestimate me. Flash me a boob and I'm not thinking of anything but."

"Flash me that crooked smile and I'm –" Bella dropped her head, pressing it against my bare chest as she gripped the waistband of my jeans. "Edward…"

"What were you going to say just now? Will you tell me?" I pleaded softly.

"I'm yours," she whispered. Her body shook with fresh sobs as wrapped my arms around her. She held onto me for dear life, pressing soft kisses on my chest even while she wept. "I want to get out of here, Edward. I feel like I'm going crazy. Take me home? Will you take me home? Please?"

"I'll take you wherever you want to go, Bella."

"Home. To Don Everly. In the morning?"

"We can go right now if you want."

She pulled back enough to look up at me, then tugged my head down to meet her lips. The kiss was salty from her tears. As much as every kiss from my girl thrilled me, I wanted nothing more than to make her tears disappear for good. I knew this would hardly be the last salty kiss, however. We still had a long road ahead of us.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ My usual love and appreciation for all of you reading along with me, and to Shug and msj, my fix-up and support team. I'd also like to thank Edward'sDreamCatcher for rec'ing my story. I'm terribly behind in reading, but if anyone's up to a new WIP, please check her story out. XX ~ SR_


	26. Chapter 25

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 25**

"Where's your car?" Bella looked around in the driveway, as if it were her first time out of the house.

"On the street – over there. We'll have to stop by the rental place and see if I need to put more down to take it out of state." I headed towards it, expecting her to follow. She didn't.

"I don't understand. Where's _your_ car? I can't believe how self-centered I'm being. I didn't even ask how the trip down was. You drove straight through again, didn't you? Did your car break down?"

I placed our bags in the trunk and returned to her. "I didn't have time to drive. I got this at the airport. Here."

"You… flew?"

I hadn't even thought of how that news might affect her. I went into damage control to lighten the mood. "I don't know if you could call it flying, really. It didn't feel like I was in the air very long. Up and down. I did get to visit three states on my journey, so that's something. I'll tell you all about my adventure on the drive home." I followed it up with an easy grin.

She blinked at me, straight-faced. "You flew – alone."

I nodded, dropping the grin.

"How did you… _why_ did you do that?"

Instantly I assumed this knowledge frightened her. If the plane crash kept her from flying, of course she would worry about me. I approached her carefully, tipping her chin up to look me in the eyes. "It's all good, Bella. I'm here, and that's all that matters. Nothing happened to me."

"Weren't you scared?" she asked in a whisper.

"I was too concerned with getting to you to be scared. I was scared for you, not myself."

One corner of her mouth lifted into a tiny grin. "You flew for me?"

I placed my hands on her waist as I touched my forehead to hers. "I believe I told you years ago that I'd do that for you. Only you." I brushed away the tear that streamed down her face. She was smiling – the tear was out of place. "Is there anything you want to do before we leave Phoenix?" We had already said our goodbyes to Kate, Garrett, and Tanya, with an invitation to visit us in Washington.

"Yeah. We're going to go get _my_ car and ditch the rental."

That one little statement put a grin on my face that wouldn't stop. If Bella wanted her car, that meant she was staying in Port Angeles. She was really coming home. I let out a low whistle when she directed me towards what could only be classed as an estate at the end of a mile-long driveway. "Pretty fancy storage place. Do they charge much for keeping your car?" I teased.

"This is Marcus and Gianna's house," she informed me quietly. "Was…"

I took it all in as we drove past the sprawling house to a garage beside it. The garage alone was larger than the house I'd grown up in. "They had a bit of money, huh?" I quipped as we got out of the car.

Bella chuckled beside me. "You could say that."

"I could say that this place is bigger than some college dorms. You lived here?"

She turned towards the house. "I had the lower level in this wing. Gianna had a studio above. When I wasn't at school, I spent most of my time with her up there. I loved watching her paint."

I stood close behind her, drawing her back against me. "Have you been back inside? Could the lawyer arrange that for you?" I figured she'd want closure on this portion of her life.

"It's all been arranged. It's mine now."

I held my breath, thinking I must have heard wrong. "Pardon?"

"It's mine," she repeated in monotone.

"The house? They left you the house?"

"The house – and all its contents. The property, the vehicles, the stocks, bonds, bank accounts. I even have their subscription to National Geographic."

"Damn," I muttered quietly. "They really adored you."

She merely pressed closer to me in response.

"Can we get the subscription transferred to Port Angeles? I've always wanted one."

I felt her body tense and then shake. Just when I thought I'd chose the wrong moment to joke, she tipped her head back and laughed. A full-bodied laugh like she used to do as a teenager when we'd try to shock each other with crazy antics. It was beautiful. And it ended with quiet tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm a very rich woman, Edward. And none of it means a thing without them. They left everything they owned to me – 'The daughter they chose. Their angel.'" Her voice cracked as she repeated their words. I wondered if she recalled Emmett saying she was their angel, too. "I don't want it."

"Of course you'd rather have your friends. That's understandable."

"I really don't want it," she reiterated as she turned to face me. "Would that be a slap in the face, do you think? Am I being an ungrateful little bitch by not accepting their generosity in death?"

"I think it just means that they meant more to you than anything material. That's not a slap in the face. That's being you, and I'm sure it's one of the reasons they loved you so much. You know you don't have to make any decisions right now. It's still too fresh to not hurt."

She grinned sadly. "That's exactly what Dad said."

"Charlie's a brilliant man," I offered with a smile.

"He's always told me that himself," she said jokingly. Her eyes were still wet, but they glimmered with a hint of something other than sadness. "You're quite brilliant in your own way too, you know. I've always valued your opinion more than anyone's. Would you be upset if you didn't have a stinking rich girlfriend?"

I let out a laugh. "Bella, I can honestly say that I'd take you penniless. It's not about what you have or don't have – it's all about you."

She stared at me in deep thought. "Do you love me?"

Stunned by her blunt question for only a moment, my face lit up. "More than you could ever know."

"I think I do know," she responded softly. "You flew for me."

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, Bella. I love you. With all my heart, I love you." It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders – and my heart. My eyes filled with unshed tears, mirroring hers. "It feels so fucking amazing to actually say that. You have no idea."

She chewed on her lip before breaking into her own smile. "Let me try it… I love you, Edward. So, so much. I love you. I love you. I really, honest to God, love you."

"My sentiments exactly," I whispered before claiming her lips.

~ 0 ~

While I wanted Bella to know I was there to support her in every way and take care of her, the last thing I wanted to do was crowd her. When she requested that I take the rental car back and she would meet me there, I felt like she needed some space to say her goodbyes to the memories in the grand house. The closer we got to actually leaving Phoenix, the stronger she seemed, so I obliged. That said, I was pleasantly relieved to find her already at the passenger pick-up when I arrived there. She was smiling, leaning against a silver car.

"Hey, beautiful girl," I called out as I approached her. "Seems like forever since I've seen you."

Snickering, she stood on her toes to kiss me. "See, this is how it should have been when you arrived. Every woman here is extremely jealous right now."

"I'm sure they are. That car's in high demand for moms everywhere."

"You don't like my Volvo?"

"You said Volvo, right?" I teased with a naughty smirk. "Well, it's… shiny."

She tugged on the front of my shirt with both fists. "It's _safe_. That's why Marcus chose it."

"Ah, of course. For the baby." I felt like an ass even joking about it now. "It's great. We'll ride home in comfort and security, I'm sure." I held the passenger door open for her.

"We can alternate driving," she suggested when I got behind the wheel and made the necessary adjustments to accommodate my long legs.

"Absolutely not. I plan to take care of you in every way, Bella. You're resting. I'm driving."

I glanced beside me when she didn't respond. She was smiling at me with affection in her eyes. "Taking care of me, huh?"

"That's right. Everyone needs taken care of at some point in their life. I've been taken care of most of mine. And I tend to think you missed out on it coming your way when you've needed it. I can't change that, but I can try to make up for it – if you'll let me."

"I think I like the idea of being taken care of by you right now. Besides, I don't have much strength to argue."

"Good. Kick back and relax and just let me drive… the Volvo. I'm driving. A Volvo."

Bella clucked her tongue at me in reproach. "Stop with the Volvo hate."

Grinning, I pulled away from the curb. "I thought we'd go northwest. Toward the coast. Sound good? Let me know when you need a pit stop, or if there's a particular place you want to stop for the night. I won't do a straight drive-through with you in the car. Too much at stake."

"Speaking of stakes, we should stop in Vegas. I could lose my new fortune and be done with it."

"We could get married in Vegas." I was only partially kidding, but I flashed a cheesy grin to put her at ease. The sound of her laughter was so sweet, I never wanted it to end.

"Without Don Everly?" Bella gasped with amusement. "He'd never forgive us. And my dad would kill me. _Your_ parents would kill me." Bella continued laughing about it. I understood she had no clue I would honestly marry her in a flash. "Wouldn't Don look adorable in a little tux?"

"With tails?" I waggled my eyebrows, mocking my own bad joke. "Speaking of Don, I know for a fact that he doesn't give a shit if you have money or not. He's completely happy with a slightly used toy and underwear."

Bella stopped laughing. "Oh god, Edward. Don't tell me he got at them again?"

"Sorry. I know I promised to keep him away from them, but I felt so bad with both of us leaving him. They were torn anyway…"

"_Please_ tell me they're not my pregnant fat-ass ones."

"You never had a fat ass," I countered.

"You know what I mean! There are certain ones that are strictly for comfort. I've never even let you see me in them!"

"Ohhhh, you mean the ones you would typically see hanging on a clothes line behind an old couple's house? Nah. He didn't care for those ones either."

"Shut up!" She was back to laughing.

"No, he has good taste in panties. Trust me. They're perfectly acceptable in company."

"Emmett is never going to let me live this down, is he?"

It was my turn to laugh. "Not in a thousand years."

When I looked across at her again, she was smiling with her head back and eyes closed. Perfectly content and beautiful.

"I missed all of you so much," she announced quietly. "I'll gladly take all of his ribbing."

We pulled into a motel just inside the California border. I'd had to forgo my glasses for my contact lenses since I'd forgotten to bring my clip-on sunglasses. My eyes were beyond dry and irritated. I didn't want to risk crashing the shiny Volvo. Bella looked worn-out herself, so it was better all round to have an early night. I called Rosalie and let her know our plans. Bella got on the phone with her afterwards and they talked for an hour or so while I flicked through channels on the TV. I decided to take a quick shower since they didn't seem to be ending their conversation anytime soon.

I was rinsing the shampoo from my hair when I heard the bathroom door open and close. "Hey, you," Bella called out. "I'm coming in."

"Finished your marathon call?" I teased her as I scrubbed at my scalp under the running water.

"Yeah. And I'm coming in." Even through soap and shitty eyesight, I caught the slight movement of the shower curtain.

"Uh, Bella… I'm naked."

The curtain opened halfway. "Wow. You really are."

"I do that when I'm in the shower." I didn't know whether to cover myself or do a pose-down for her. It was just awkward. Then she untied the belt of her robe. I cleared the shampoo from my eyes to watch the robe drop from her shoulders and hit the floor. I swallowed deeply, transfixed by the blurred vision in front of me.

"Hmm. I do that too. In the shower. Help me in?" She held her hand out, and I took it as she stepped into the tub with me.

"I feel like I'm supposed to avert my eyes, but damn… they don't want to look away. In fact, they're cursing me for not leaving my contacts in for this. Have you always been this bold? I mean, I know you've never climbed in the shower with me – naked or otherwise – but this is just… wow."

"Edward, sweetie, don't talk." She cupped my face and drew me down into a long, deep kiss. My hands roamed up and down her naked back, occasionally dipping past her hips to squeeze a cheek. How long I'd admired that ass… and here it was, in my hands. Naked. Wet. And full of goosebumps.

"You're cold," I murmured, breaking our kiss. "Switch with me. I'm blocking all the hot water." We traded places, our bodies brushing against each other as we did. She stood with her face in the stream, soaking her hair, and I hugged her from behind, running tender kisses along her neck.

She let out a sigh. "That feels so nice. Your first kiss was just like this, remember? Little neck kisses on your bed? These seem… slightly different. I'm pretending we're in the tropics, under a waterfall."

"Do you want to go to the tropics?" I continued my ministrations with my lips as we chattered.

She shrugged. "I don't really think it would be any better than this. Except I like the feel of sand between my toes."

"We could have brought some desert sand."

"And made mud in the tub. The maids would hate us."

"Nobody could hate you, Bella."

She turned in my arms and draped hers over my shoulders. The adoring look in her eyes melted me, yet made me shiver. "I really do love you, you know."

I nodded, staring into the deep brown pools of her soul.

"And now you're cold. You want to switch again or get out?"

My body screamed one thing, but my mind slapped it down. "We should get out," I replied with a rasp in my voice. "I'm afraid my body doesn't understand the concept of taking it slow even when you're naked and wet and pressing against me."

"Damn the post-surgical rules." Her voice was equally hoarse.

"Damn those rules," I repeated. "Okay. I'm gonna get out first. It may not be graceful. Prepare to laugh."

I had one leg over the side, preparing to lift the other out and hear her sweet laughter when another sound rang out. And a sting. A sharp sting on my right butt cheek.

"Oh! Oh my god, Edward!"

I turned my head to see Bella's hands clamped over her mouth and her eyes wide with shock.

"I'm so sorry! Did that hurt as much as it sounded? I didn't mean to slap you that hard!"

"It's wet," I retorted, still in shock. "It sounds loud." Stings like a fucking bitch too.

"I'm really, really… sorry." The laughter began. And stopped. Then started again. "I am. So. Sorry."

"You'll get yours when you're back to full speed," I promised, leaving her to laugh herself silly at my expense. I wrapped a towel around my sore ass and left her to it.

It took Bella a long time to get herself under control. It seemed to anyway. I'd turned onto my side and was flipping through the TV channels when she finally emerged from the bathroom. I was desperately trying to find something to distract me from the image of her nude body that currently ruled my mind. It didn't look promising.

"Well, my days of butt modeling are over," I called out. "There's an imprint on my ass." I turned to grin at her but stopped instantly. She'd been crying again.

"I'm sorry," she repeated.

"Bella, don't worry about it. I'm just being an a –" I stopped short of saying it. "Bad choice of words. I was joking. It's fine, honestly." I dropped the side of my shorts to show her.

"It's red."

"Yes, well, it flushes easily." My grin still didn't win her over. Enough of the jokes.

"It's not just the slap… I was just playing around, but before that… I'm sorry about that too. I just barged in on you."

I walked over to her and placed my hands on her hips. "Barge in anytime you'd like," I suggested softly.

Her cheeks flushed as red as my ass cheek, and she scrunched up her face. "How long have you felt like this, Edward?"

And here it was. The moment of truth. I opened my mouth without knowing what would come out – a full confession or another lame joke. Before I could get anything out, she cut me off in a whispered, "I hurt you."

"Hey, Bella, we were kids. It has nothing to do with where we are now."

"Doesn't it? It has everything to do with where I am. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

I ran my hands down my face, shaking my head. "I couldn't."

"I gave you opportunities. I asked you so many times –"

"When?" Okay, I wasn't anxious to jump back into the past, but I had a feeling this needed to get out before we could fully move on.

"I gave you enough hints."

"I don't take hints very well, Bella. You knew what a social disaster I was."

"I asked you straight out after my first date with Jasper."

"You asked if I was all right with it. That's not the same thing."

She rolled her eyes at me. "I asked you to tell me the night you got suspended for beating the shit out of Mike."

"I thought you were just being my friend," I explained.

"I was! But no one goes through all of that if they're not into someone as more than a friend. Do you know how bad it felt for me to know you were hurt because of me?"

"How? Bella, you had nothing –"

"Why then? You were never aggressive like that. What happened? You didn't have any other friends, Edward. There was only me."

"It was about Rosalie," I admitted quietly. "I was defending my sister's honour."

Bella buried her face in her hands. "Oh God. Who's got the biggest ego ever? I just assumed…"

Gently, I removed her hands from her face and made her look at me. "Why did you want me to tell you how I felt? You obviously knew. What good would it have done to say it? It would've ruined everything."

"I didn't… I wasn't sure. Edward… I was so confused. In the beginning, I thought you didn't like me at all. I felt like I was intruding on you when all I wanted was to get to know you. You were so mysterious. And so different from the others. You didn't give a shit what they were doing, you just did your own thing. I envied that. When I saw what you were like at home, I really wanted to know you. It seemed like you reserved a very special part of yourself for family only, and I wanted to be part of that, y'know? I didn't even know why, I just did."

"You _were_ part of that," I reminded her softly. "If you had stronger feelings, you could have told me, too."

"I did," she stated. "Think back about how many times I told you I liked you – that I wanted to spend time with you. You brushed me off. I thought if I had a boyfriend, I'd get over my crush on you and we could just be friends – best friends."

"So you chose my brother."

She took my hands in hers as she shook her head. "He chose me. Like I said, I was confused. I cared about you both, in different ways."

I nodded, resisting the urge to sulk over the fact that my brother turned her crank all those years ago, whereas I just intrigued her. I was a crush.

"You don't want to hear this, do you?" she asked as she stroked my palm with her thumb. "Edward, we don't have to talk about Jasper. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have."

Truthfully, I didn't. But I knew she needed to say whatever was on her mind. "It's okay. It feels like a lifetime ago anyway."

"I liked both of you, in different ways, because you were both such different people. I loved how I always felt at ease with you. How I could be myself, no matter what. Say anything. Do anything. I never had to be someone I'm not when I was with you. With Jasper, it was… exciting, I guess. I had butterflies. Always felt on edge. I giggled too much and wanted him to notice me too much. On New Year's Eve, when he kissed me and asked me out, it felt like a dream. No one like Jasper had ever paid attention to me. He was popular. Smart. Cool. I thought I didn't have a chance with either of you – you weren't interested in me that way and Jazz was too cool for me. Suddenly, I was what he wanted, and I guess part of me believed he was everything I wanted."

"Did you love him?" That seemed important. I'd spent all these years thinking the girl I loved was in love with my brother. If I suddenly found out she never really did love him, I didn't know how I'd handle that. It would make her a completely different person than I thought she was.

She nodded slowly. "I did." One stray tear fell, and she brushed it away. "I guess I always knew it wouldn't be forever. We never fully settled into the comfort zone. It was either butterflies or drama with us. You don't remember any of the arguments? The times we didn't speak for days at a time?"

I shook my head. I'd tried my best not to watch their blossoming relationship too closely. I guess I'd succeeded.

"I didn't know how it was supposed to feel – being in love. I thought that was it. And what you and I had was this deep connection that you can only have with your best friend in the world. Gran tried to tell me. She knew… she knew."

"Gran? Bella, we never met."

"But she did meet Jasper. At Christmas, remember? She called him Edward the entire visit."

Snickering, I nodded. "Yeah. He mentioned that. She was confused – more confused than you were."

"That's what I thought. We had this talk, a few days before she died. I lost my temper with her, because she kept mixing you guys up. She fired back – apparently she had some lucid moments toward the end." A smile lit up her face as she thought of her Gran with a healthy mind. "Gran advised me to 'get my head out of my arse' – her words."

We both paused to laugh at her turn of a phrase.

"I used to talk to her. I thought she was… you know, gone… upstairs." She tapped on her forehead looking ashamed. "She was better than a diary. I could purge and not have any record of it. Except, some things she actually remembered. And other things she detected just from watching. She knew my heart was more with you than Jasper. That we shared a different love. One that was better suited for me. That's what she meant about getting my head out of my ass."

"Arse sounds much more delicate," I joked.

"She wasn't trying to be delicate – she was trying to spare me a lifetime of regrets, I think. I should have paid more attention to her at Christmas when he was here. Looking back, I think she knew what she was doing, calling him Edward. She could get away with it because she wasn't all there, right? She was though… when it counted. I knew then that it wasn't going to work between me and Jasper. I was thrilled that he was visiting, but after the first day, it just made me miss you and Rose and Emmett even more. He was trying so hard." Her voice dipped lower, coinciding with the lip quiver that normally preceded tears.

"You don't have to do this," I whispered to her. "If it's too difficult for you right now –"

She placed one finger on my lips to quiet me. "I felt like I was putting on the show of a lifetime. I didn't want to ruin the visit for him – he was so excited. He was trying to be the guy I needed. He didn't even complain about sleeping downstairs. About never really being alone the whole time he was there."

I cracked a grin. "You know he wanted to make up for lost time – nonstop romps."

"There was zero _romping_." She grinned back at me. "And every night, I'd go up to my room – alone – and pray that I'd get a message from you. An email. A text. Anything. Jasper was right there with me, but what I wanted most was to talk to you. Messed up, huh?"

I didn't respond either way. In truth, it killed me to know she had suffered along with me back then. Ideally, I would always have been her everything, but since my brother was involved, it hurt to know that she was torn between us too.

"And then you showed up. In fucking person, on my doorstep. Just when I needed you most. God… do you have any idea how happy you made me? Just days after Gran posed the most pertinent question: 'One boy tends to your curiosity, and the other to your heart. Which is more substantial, Isabella? Who will be your anchor when the tide rolls out?' And there you were."

"Your anchor," I whispered in awe of the woman I'd never even met. Truth be told, I was more than a little enamored with Gran.

"And my mother, the tide, was swirling around me the whole time. In her mind, nothing tops the boyfriend of the moment. You were there – my friend. Not Jazz. When you left, she suggested I go back to Forks for a visit. To let Jasper 'mend me' or whatever. The closest I'd been to being 'mended' was when you sang to me, Edward. You held me and sang one of Gran's songs, and we danced – that's what I needed. I needed you to tend to my heart, and you did just that." She peered at me sheepishly. "And then I made a fool of myself, wishing you were my everything all along. I hated that I put you in a position where you'd step in on your brother. That was so wrong. It was something my mother would do. I'm ashamed of that."

Frowning, I shook my head at her. "It was an emotional time for you. You weren't plotting – you were acting on raw emotions. I never thought you actually meant it."

"But it hurt you," she countered in a soft voice full of remorse. "I saw it in your reaction. In your eyes." She gazed directly into my eyes now, challenging me to deny it. Of course, I couldn't. "You were the only friend I ever felt I could rely on, one hundred percent." Her voice caught and she fought to control her tears before they came. "It was brought to my attention that I… toyed with you. Used you. I took advantage of your feelings for me, even when I thought you weren't interested."

"What the hell, Bella? Who told you that?" It angered me to no end, and I hoped beyond hope that it wasn't harsh ending words from my brother.

"My dear mother pointed out my errors," she replied with a wry grin. "See, it was my fault that I couldn't keep my boyfriend. My fault that he went out and found someone else. I was a flirt. And a tease. Right in front of him. With his own brother. Why would he want me?" Her words came out staccato, as she struggled to keep going. I could tell she was near another complete breakdown.

Instantly, I pulled her against my chest. Feeling her hands fist at the waist of my shorts, I pressed tender kisses along her hairline and stroked her back. Inside I was fuming. I'd never felt such an immense dislike for a human being. How could Bella's own mother put that kind of guilt on her?

"I was hoping you'd tell me that he'd cheated on me," she admitted after a long silence. "Because then we'd be even."

I was completely lost. "Wait… what are you saying? Did you…?"

"Not _physically_, no. But emotionally?" She nodded before pressing her forehead against my bare shoulder. "I wanted what I couldn't have. I wanted you. And I had no right to take all that you gave me. I used you, hurt you… and my heart cheated on Jasper. I don't deserve either of you."

"Jesus Christ. If we're not meant to be together, I don't know who is." I eased back to force Bella to look at me. "It's quite possible that you've topped my self-imposed guilt. Holy shit. I didn't think it was possible. Did you talk to Aro about this?"

She nodded with her eyes pinching out what had to be the very last fluids her body had left. I'd never seen someone spout so many tears. "He told me I should tell you all of this."

For the first time since this talk began, I smiled and meant it. "I bet he had a hell of a time keeping a straight face. I didn't see Aro regularly after the medication got me balanced, but every now and then, I just felt like talking to him. Like you said about Gran, Aro was like a live journal. I could get things out and not worry that someone would stumble across the evidence like Jasper did. Aro's the only person who knew the guilt I carried over my feelings for you." I couldn't resist chuckling. "He got me to let that go. I think you've got to do that too, Bella. You've nothing to forgive yourself for, but do it anyway."

Bella didn't laugh with me. Instead she looked lost in thought. "What did Jasper stumble across?"

"Huh? Oh! Right…" I dropped my arms from her waist and went over to my clothes piled on the floor. Retrieving the items from my jeans pocket, I palmed the familiar pieces and returned to her. "This is what gave me away." I held out the malachite stone for her to see.

Her hands flew to her mouth, covering a gasp of astonishment. "That's… I gave you that –"

"For my eighteenth birthday. That's right."

"You still have it," she stated redundantly. "Unbelievable."

"It's my pacifier. My mother claims I was a stubborn thumb-sucker and a real bastard to break of the habit. I guess I always felt I needed some sort of soother – this became that object for me. It's probably more polished now from all the tumbles it's taken in my palm than when you first found it. It goes everywhere with me."

And she smiled that beautiful Bella smile. Even the new tears that formed seemed less laden with ghosts. "You're incredible."

I raised an eyebrow as I turned the second object in my hand. "Want to see its companion piece? The one that let my brother know what a letch I was?"

"What is it?" Bella lifted her own brow with a laugh. "Did you take a picture of my toes wrapped around a marshmallow that day in the cafeteria?"

"Close," I retorted with a laugh of my own. I revealed the lemonade cap. "This mean anything to you?"

She studied it in my hand, frowning before she shook her head. "Should it?"

"No." I snorted out a brief laugh of embarrassment. "This is from our first lunch together. Probably the day that I fell in love with you, but definitely the day that you changed my life. Jasper found it after you'd… said goodbye. He knew what it meant by the date written inside it. It was... an interesting conversation."

"I bet," she said in a husky voice.

"The cap was me being a silly boy."

"A romantic, sweet boy," she countered.

I rolled my eyes as I chuckled. "Whatever. Aro had a theory about the stone, though, and what it was for me. Want to hear it?"

She cleared her cheeks from the remaining tears and beamed at me. "More than anything."

"He feels it was my guilt-free zone. I harboured so much guilt over my feelings for you – because I wasn't only deceiving my brother but you as well. I never thought of this gift as anything but a token of your friendship. It made me feel good that you found something so meaningful and gave it to me. I didn't ask for it or take it for myself. I didn't steal it away from anyone. It was a gift from you to me – something that was only for me. Something even I couldn't skew the meaning of and come up with some dark, deceptive thing that made me undeserving."

Blinking slowly, she took my free hand and placed the stone in it, clasping her hand on top of it. "It was _only_ for you. I was sure you'd think it was a ridiculous thing to give you. Edward, I'm glad it's meant this much to you. Can you tell me something?"

My stomach clenched. "Yeah. Well, we're getting it all out, right? What do you want to know?"

"Do you still see yourself the way you did back then? Do you still blame yourself for everything bad in the world?"

I flashed my crooked grin. "Not everything. It's much better inside my head these days, trust me. I do have some lingering guilt…"

She narrowed her eyes at me while I continued to smile. "Over what, pray tell?"

"I never gave you anything that meant this much. I wish I'd found something that could have eased your misplaced guilt. Something that showed you mean the world to me – then, and now."

"I think you did – Don Everly."

"A long-legged mutt with a penchant for your panties shows you mean the world to me?" I teased. She nodded with a musical laugh. "Somehow that fits. Dance with me, Bella."

"What?"

"Dance." I wrapped an arm around her waist and took her hand with the stone and cap wedged between our palms. "And sing. When I feel blue… in the night…"

"And I need you… to hold me tight…"

"Whenever I want you, all I have to do...

Together we sang very badly but from the heart as we swayed in our motel room. My ass was barely tingling from the slap by then, and the awkwardness of seeing each other naked for the first time seemed to be buried. We were just Bella and Edward, doing our thing. Brutally honest and heading toward something real. It was no longer just a dream.

"Edward?" Bella murmured in my arms once our duet finished.

"Yes, my love."

"You can model your butt for me anytime."

A low chuckle formed deep in my throat. "I may just do that."

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?" I was foolishly thinking the storm had ended and clear skies were on the horizon.

"You should know something… Aro said I should be open about it from the start. Edward… I haven't been with anyone since Jasper."

With that confession, I shut down to prevent permanent damage. There was no telling what my mouth would mumble and spurt out. The truth was I didn't know how to feel about that, let alone how to react. The only thing I knew for certain in that moment was that I needed to stay chill about it and remain neutral until I could think. Until I could breathe. I needed to not upset Bella. And I needed my inhaler… and Aro.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Whew! I was so close to not making my update deadline this week. I write far ahead, but editing is always my downfall - not good during insanely busy times! Thank God for Shug making time during her own busy week to fix me up. :) msj does the same, reading ahead for me even when she's swamped with RL. I'm so grateful for these two, and for everyone still reading and waiting for more than a sippy cup of lemonade. ) What can I say? It will happen when they're ready. See you next week, hopefully Monday. This week is even crazier for me! Thanks for reading. XX ~ SR_


	27. Chapter 26

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 26**

Bella insisted that she was all right - she was feeling better after our talk. I didn't want to call her a liar, but I knew it wasn't true. I also knew that my lifelong practice of pretending_ I_ was all right never came of more use. It was one thing to have loved my brother's high school girlfriend, and to have a relationship with her ten years after the fact...but to be the very next guy? Would she always be comparing us, even in her mind? I now understood how Jasper had felt when she used to tell him to be more like me. It had to have stung like a bitch. How would I ever make it through the first time with Bella with that on my mind?

It's not like I was hoping she'd been with dozens of men, but one other than my brother would have been nice. Then again, maybe that one would have stolen her heart from me and we wouldn't be here now. What the hell was Aro thinking when he told her to reveal that to me? Nevermind me; this wasn't good for Bella. I dreamt I found her in bed with Aro. Not the prettiest image, for sure. And definitely not the night of restful sleep I needed for driving again all day.

I was awake before Bella, so I left her a note before heading out to pick up some breakfast for us. I took the opportunity to drop Aro a text message. It was still weighing heavily on my mind, and I wouldn't be able to move past this until I spoke with him. I was returning to the car with the pastries and drinks I'd purchased when he called me back.

"Good morning, Edward! Delightful to hear from you – even at this time of the morning."

Without the visual, I couldn't tell if Aro was being sarcastic. Fuck it. I didn't apologise for waking him. "That was one breakthrough session you had with Bella. Jesus, you must have covered more with her in one evening than all of your sessions with me."

"Well, she is a tad more forthcoming than you, my dear boy. Plus, we had the opportunity to chat a bit after the memorial service and whatnot. Just think how far you and I would have gotten if you didn't spend so much time bottling up your feelings. It pleases me to see you no longer do that. You're quite upset with me this morning."

Breakfast set on the roof of the Volvo, I began pacing beside it. He was doing the I-know-you-better-than-you-know-yourself bit, and it was pissing me off.

"Can you talk to me, Edward? Did something happen to Bella? Is she all right?"

"How...she's...why on earth would you tell her –"

"I didn't tell her anything, my boy. What you and I discussed all those years ago stays with us. Likewise, what Bella confided in me –"

"I'm not asking if you told her shit from my sessions!" I spit out angrily. "I'm more concerned about what you filled her head with! I never should have called you in. I was on my way to take care of her. I would've –"

I pounded my fist against the hood of a car pulling into a spot next to mine – the spot I was currently pacing in. "There's twenty other spaces! You couldn't choose one of them?" The intruder backed out instantly and left the lot altogether. "Thank you!" I hollered after him.

"You would have what, Edward? What would you have done with Bella once you arrived?" Aro ignored my little outburst and simply carried on calmly. Fucker. The calmness that remained in his voice irritated me to no end.

"I would have done what I always do – put her first."

"And now...? What is it, Edward? What has you so angry with me?"

"She's a wreck!"

"Not my doing. And not yours either," he reminded me.

"What did you say to her?"

"As I've already stated, I will not tell you what Bella confided in me."

"That's not what I asked! I'm asking what you told her to do."

"As you know, I'm not in the habit of telling people to do anything. I'm not a control freak. "

I sighed heavily in utter frustration. "What did you suggest, then?"

"Ah, better –"

"Look, Aro, I don't have time to play word games. Why did you suggest that she tell me everything now?"

There was silence from Aro. In my mind, I saw him staring blankly ahead, hands folded under his chin – his pose whenever I'd stumped him. "She's dealing with an awful lot right now."

"Exactly my point! It's too much to ask her to deal with all the shit in the past as well as the current issues."

"What would you have done differently, Edward? How would you have preferred the past days to have gone?"

Now I was stumped. Damn him. "I...I don't know."

"I'm in a precarious situation here. I've never had the privilege of knowing both parties in a relationship so well."

"You just met Bella," I reminded him forcefully. He couldn't sit there and act as though he knew her better than I did. No one knew her better...except maybe Gran.

"True, true. I have a gift, so to speak. I am able to derive a very keen sense of a person in quite a brief amount of time. Now, you want to know why I encouraged her to tell you about what, exactly? Isn't the truth better than assumption? Particularly when one doesn't have the ability to read others' minds?"

Damn Aro and his knack of always being fucking right. I sighed as I slumped against the car. "Particularly when one's self-worth is shit. Is that what you're saying?"

He chuckled amicably. "Let's_ not_ play word games. That's precisely what I'm saying. I didn't reveal the feelings you had for her. I merely offered an opinion that Bella would not be putting herself out there for nothing if she were to tell you how she felt about your relationship. She was feeling quite vulnerable."

"Exactly why I think she should be focusing on the future rather than the past."

"Does she know you love her?" he asked bluntly.

"She does now," I confessed. "I was working up to that. I don't want her thinking this is all about living out a childhood fantasy. I love her today. If I'd just met her, I would be in love her." I paused, deciding whether or not to reveal even more of myself to this man. Before I could work it out, words were spilling from my mouth. "I want this to be a healthy love. She deserves that."

"So. Do. You." Aro enunciated each word for me to cut through my thick skull.

"Don't you think the way I was going about it – building up to the normal point in a relationship where it's appropriate to talk about love and a future together – isn't that better than fucking around with the mess we made in the past?"

"What do I think? It's merely an opinion, but it is based on experience and vast knowledge on the subject. Do you really want to know?"

I glanced at my watch, aware that I'd been gone from our room much longer than I'd anticipated. "Just give it to me. I have to get back to her."

"Guilt is a wretched, vile monster, Edward. It destroys relationships, self-worth...your very soul. When I met the lovely Miss Swan, I knew instantly why you cared for her as you did. She has a unique way of seeing through bullshit, and an endearing way of looking at people without judgement. It's refreshing. I know she would have seen you as I did all those years ago. How could she not have cared deeply for you?" His voice softened with his statement. "Spending hours with her pouring out her heart, I had an epiphany."

"Go on," I encouraged with a huff. As much as I agreed with his assessment of Bella, he wasn't telling me anything new.

"I never thought I'd meet another person who held themselves accountable for as much utter crap as you do. But alas, one exists. If she is not your soul mate, my dear Edward, then there is no such thing."

I wished I'd had the foresight to get in the car – to be seated somewhere. My legs trembled as my chest tightened and airways constricted. It's exactly what I had said to her last night. I was half-joking then. Hearing this come from Aro made ice run through my veins. The thought of Bella actually feeling the same level of guilt I'd carried was torturous.

"It's true, Edward," Aro assured me gently. "I feel it's time for both of you to get on with it before the monsters inside destroy you."

"I didn't know," I admitted in a whisper. "I thought this was just... I don't know... a breakdown."

"Oh, don't get me wrong; that's exactly what's happening. Edward, you are alike, but also very different. The recent events have stirred the pot for Bella, so to speak. It's like every little thing she's ever felt bad about is compounded into this one huge… I'm reluctant to say breakdown. It's more of a _breakout _for her. See, Edward, where you've outgrown your penchant for lading yourself with a world of guilt, Bella's just adopted that. For her, it's temporary. That's what I meant when I told you she'd come of out this in time."

I could feel the muscles in my neck loosening, and a tiny grin broke out. "She hasn't always felt this way?"

"No, no. Heavens, no. Edward, she is exactly the girl you thought she was underneath all of this. Is that what you were worried about? That you didn't know her as well as you thought?"

"How the fuck do you do that?" I laughed. "It's like you know what I'm thinking even when_ I_ don't."

"Ah, Edward. I'm going to let you in on a secret. I'm actually a mythical creature. You only see my human form, but truly, I'm quite remarkable."

I was grinning from ear to ear. "Why don't I doubt that? You've still got much to teach me, don't you Aro? I never knew."

"Now you know." I could picture him leaning back in his hair. Hands looped behind his head, feeling self-satisfied. I didn't feel angry about that. He deserved to feel that way. "So what do you intend to do now, Edward?"

"Carry on with my plan, I suppose. Take care of her. Love her. Let her know every day how much she's treasured."

He hummed in approval. "If you need any further guidance – either of you, or both – I'm always here for you. You can call me up full of piss and vinegar at any time of day or night. I'll field your anger, gladly."

"Thank you, Aro," I said softly. "For everything."

"One more thing... I have no doubt that, whatever you do, it will be the right thing for Bella. Promise me you'll take yourself into consideration as well. You will get through all of this if you truly believe you should be together, and I think you do. I feel like we had a breakthrough, you and I. You finally have faith in yourself. When the day comes that you finally believe in yourself as much as I do and that lovely young lady of yours, I hope I'm lucky enough to be around. Be well."

He disconnected before I could say anymore. Before I could ask if that meant I shouldn't concern myself with trying to outdo my brother, or if it was selfish and petty even worrying about my performance in bed. Before I could tell him his guidance and faith in me had made me the man I had become.

~ 0 ~

Bella was out of bed when I returned. "I brought breakfast," I called through the bathroom door.

She emerged, cinching her robe firmly. Her eyes were red and swollen from recent tears. Despite this, she smiled for me. "Every time I see you, it's like you've resuscitated me. I can breathe again."

I set our food and drinks down and embraced her. "Sorry I was gone so long."

"Needed some space, huh? Edward, if I get to be too much for you –"

"Never," I vowed firmly. "I'm with you through everything, Bella. Everything." I placed a light kiss on her lips. "Is there anything I can do for you right now?"

She smiled at me shyly. "It's the milk issue. I know you would help if you could. Um, Edward...about last night...I'm sorry I did that to you. It was really random and embarrassing after the fact."

I quirked an eyebrow in question.

"The shower...scene...situation...thingy. You know."

"Not a problem." I grinned broadly. "I like random."

It was her turn to shoot me a questioning look. "Yeah? You seemed a little freaked out. And then this morning –"

Groaning, I shook my head at her. "Bella, I was hungry. And I wanted to make a phone call without waking you. That's all. You just surprised me last night. Aside from a left breast and the odd peek at a butt cheek when you're sleeping, I've never seen you naked. It's quite spectacular."

The rosy cheeks that I loved so much appeared. "I have scars and rolls," she told me.

Reaching for her hands, I held them in mine. "Funny, that's not what I saw at all."

Her smile grew as her ears glowed along with her cheeks. "Good thing you're half blind then."

"Remind me to take my glasses in with me in the future. I want a good look. Of course, then you won't want to come in with me."

"You're hot in glasses. Seriously sexy." There was no hint of teasing like her previous statement. "Edward? Has no one ever told you that?"

I shook my head.

"Hmm. Good, then let me be the first to tell you – you're incredibly hot, in anything. Or out of anything. I guess I'm just fond of the glasses because you always wore them when I first fell for you."

"I wore a few dozen donuts around my waist, too. Should I put those back on?"

She shrugged before grabbing onto my shirt. "I couldn't care less as long as you're healthy and happy."

There's this old cliché: love is blind. I suppose it's true, because I never did see Bella's scars, except to examine them for infection out of concern. Maybe she really didn't ever see me as I saw myself. Maybe she did love me just as much as I loved her.

~ 0 ~

"Do you think Rosalie will hate me for letting Nathan's milk dry up this way?"

An image of Rosalie offering to give Nathan back to us flashed through my mind. "No, Bella. I _know_ she'll understand."

"Will he still be healthy? On formula?"

I huffed. "What the hell do I know about babies? You should ask my mom if you're really concerned. Maybe she has some tips for getting your… uh… you know, getting things flowing again. If that's what you want."

She hummed softly, leaning her head back against the seat in the car. "I should talk to her about it. I've missed her. It was really nice having her around after Nathan was born."

"We could stop in on the way home," I suggested. The topic had popped up at the perfect time since when we'd last stopped for gas, I checked my messages and found a rather frantic one from my mother. "I should warn you. Someone let the cat out of the bag. My mother knows I came down to get you."

"She knows I've gone crazy. Is that what you're saying?"

I made a show of rolling my eyes without taking them completely off the road. We were going a little faster than we should be and I didn't want to lose control. "You're not crazy, and no one thinks you are."

"Tanya does. She's quite pissed at me for giving away 'my baby', or whatever. She hated my haircut, too."

I snorted out a quick chuckle. "She's a teenager. Isn't she supposed to hate everything and be angry at everyone and think she knows best overall? You did what you felt was right, Bella. And your hair will grow."

"You hate it too," she accused teasingly.

I shrugged. "It'll grow." The slap I received felt good. It didn't sting like the bare-assed one, and I loved Bella in a playful mood. "So, we'll stop in Forks? I'm sure Charlie will be happy to see you, as well." I reached over and clasped her hand with one of mine as we cruised up the coastal highway on the way home.

"I'd like to make another stop on the way, if you don't mind."

"Sure. A little mountain climbing maybe?"

"Ummm, give me another couple of weeks." She giggled, snuggling into the seat sideways. "I was thinking more along the lines of Seattle."

"Coffee? Space Needle?"

"Jasper and Alice."

I quirked an eyebrow at her as I gripped the steering wheel. "Do you think now is the right time?" I was concerned about her becoming completely overwrought if she confronted all of her self-imposed guilt right now.

"I actually do. There's something I need to do, and I think I'll feel a whole lot better about it once I start."

She filled me in on her plan and I had to admit, it made me feel pretty good too. "So, Seattle, then Forks. Then home."

"Yeah." I could tell she was smiling. "Yeah, that sounds great. The closer we get to home, the better I feel."

~ 0 ~

Ringing the doorbell outside my brother's house, I suddenly wished we had called ahead. We had decided against stopping over another night, opting instead to get working on Bella's plan. It was only eight o'clock, but I had a sudden concern that they'd gone to bed early. It was taking a long time for anyone to get to the door.

"Nice house," Bella whispered beside me.

I nodded. "They've done pretty well for themselves." I was about to crack a joke about their house fitting inside one wing of the house Bella inherited in Phoenix when the door flew open and we were deafened with a squeal before being pounced on.

"Hi, Alice," I said in a four-way hug. I glanced down at little Emily in her arms. She had to be squished between the three of us adults, but she didn't look distraught. "Hope we're not intruding."

"Oh my god! I'm so glad you're here! You have no idea how worried we've been. Jasper wouldn't let me call. He says I go a bit overboard in these situations."

Recalling the awkward Thanksgiving weekend where she tried to involve herself completely in my life, I had to agree with my brother. Alice did go overboard from time to time, but she was learning that she didn't have to. She was family, in all ways: my sister-in-law, and Emmett's little sister. She couldn't be more 'family' if she tried.

She chewed on her bottom lip as she turned to Bella. I could tell she was forcing herself not to cry. "Bellaaaa!" she croaked out. "Oh, honey. I just want to hug you." She stood there – all five feet of her – eyes pleading with Bella to let her in. "Can I?"

Bella pulled an awkward face but smiled as she nodded her head. "Uh, yeah. Hi." She locked eyes with me over Alice's shoulder as she tried not to laugh uncomfortably. Emily finally squawked about being stuck in the middle of a new and much tighter hug. When Alice hugged, she _hugged_. "I think we're squishing your baby," Bella announced, easing out of her grip. "Hi, Emily. Remember us?"

"Of course she does!" Alice beamed, holding her daughter with one arm while wiping her tears away with her free hand. "Come in, come in. Jazz is working late. I'm going to call him and tell him to get his butt home!"

"Oh, we don't want to disturb him. We can wait." Bella looked nervous as we stepped inside.

"We can find a place to crash for the night and come back in the morning," I suggested.

Alice looked offended. "Why wouldn't you stay here?"

_Because you're married to my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend, who happens to be my brother? _I realized I was getting better at not blurting when instead, I said, "We're being rude just dropping in unannounced."

Alice scoffed at me and gave us a shove towards the living room. While she allowed Bella to select her own seat and sit at will, she ushered me to the cushion next to Bella and pushed on my shoulder to take a seat. "Watch Emily. I'm going to go call Jazz. He'll be so excited!"

"Not as excited as we are here!" I stage whispered with Alice's enthusiasm as she swept from the room.

Bella chuckled quietly as she gazed at the baby on my lap. "She's getting big. She looks just like her mom."

"Lucky for her she didn't inherit Jasper's hairy ass. That we know of."

Giving me a disapproving frown and head-shake, Bella turned her attention to Emily. "You have your mommy's pretty hair. And her eyes."

Emily proceeded to place her hands on her own head.

"Yes, that's right!" Bella smiled at her. "That's your pretty hair. Mine is a mess. A disaster." She pulled the elastic loose and let her shortened hair down. I had only seen it down, wet. It looked shorter at the sides now. And… not Bella-ish at all. "This is what we call a mullet," she enunciated in the way that people speak to small children. "Don't ever let anyone talk you into this haircut, Emily."

I couldn't help but laugh. With the sides sweeping her chin, but the back resting below her shoulders, it was definitely a mullet.

"Tell Uncle Edward it's rude to laugh at a lady's mullet," Bella said with a smirk.

Emily grunted and flapped her arms. I tightened my grip so she wouldn't fall, but that seemed to elicit more grunting and frantic movement as she squirmed her way out of my arms. With her feet on the floor, she stood before me, banging on my knees. She looked much happier this way.

"She's standing!" Bella beamed. I shrugged, unimpressed.

"Shouldn't she be standing?"

"I don't know."

"She has teeth," I offered in defense of my position.

"What do teeth have to do with standing?" She cracked up as I did. We were a child-ignorant pair, for sure. We stopped laughing, both issuing a groan of surprise when Emily dropped to her butt on the floor. Our mouths then hung open as she proceeded to scurry around the room, in Excitable Alice fashion. She wasn't exactly walking, nor was she crawling. Her feet were on the floor, but so were her hands. It was the funniest shit I'd ever seen.

"Jazz is just finishing with a client. He'll be home as quick as he can. What's so funny?"

We turned to look at Alice, silencing our amusement.

"Oh, Emily's showing off for you! This is her newest thing. Isn't it great?"

Bella turned away, looking in pain as she stifled her laughter. I didn't have as much success. "Alice, what the hell is that?" I barked out a laugh. "Did you teach her that? She walks like an ape."

"My. Daughter. Is. Not. An. Ape." Alice accentuated each word with a slap to my shoulders as I bent over in a fit of laughter.

"You're right, Bella! She looks just like her mom!" I teased as Alice let me have it some more.

The whole scene amused Emily to no end. She took a seat on the floor and watched us with glee. One glance at Bella told me she approved of my relationship with Alice – it was nothing like the one we'd had, but instead the sort siblings share.

"Why don't you teach her then, Mr. Ed? You'd look like a horse crawling around with those long arms of yours. They could be pony legs."

"Better to be a horse than Magilla Gorilla."

We spent the next half hour crawling around with Emily, making varying ape noises and horse neighs, keeping Bella in stitches from her seat on the couch. It was good for her to see the side of Alice that Jasper was drawn to. It wasn't that Alice was better than Bella, but she was better for Jasper.

"At least she doesn't smell ape-like," I commented when Emily sat on my chest as I stretched out on the floor.

"She just had her bath," Alice smiled. Proud Momma was back, replacing silly ape. "Rosalie picked those pj's out. Aren't they cute?"

"They're fuzzy," I acknowledged. What did I know about baby clothes?

"I found some fabric that's just like it. It makes the most adorable dolls. It's her favourite. Right, Emily?" Alice produced the referenced doll – from where, I had no idea. But Emily's face lit up, and she ape-walked over to pluck it from her mom. "I started a business! Did Jazz tell you? Online! I've already sold a few dozen. I'm so excited! I always thought I wasn't artistic at all. I was wrong! If I can find some fabric that isn't pink, I'll make one for Nathan, too."

"Yeah… about that…" I scratched at my hair as I sat up. I figured now was the time to let her know Nathan's doll had been abducted and get Emmett off the hook. "Um, Nathan's a really good sharer."

Alice popped up an eyebrow. "Is he? Incredible at six weeks."

"Five," I corrected.

"Five," Alice repeated.

"Yeah. Um, so our puppy is really fond of it –"

"Don Everly likes it?" Instead of being upset, Alice seemed impressed by the news.

"He loves that thing, Alice. You wouldn't believe him with it."

Bella sat forward as Emily stood herself up and plopped the doll on her lap. "This is a pretty doll, Emily. So soft." She rubbed it against her cheek and then Emily's. "Maybe you could expand your business, Alice. Go into pet toys as well."

"Oh. My. God! That's brilliant!" And Alice was on her feet in a flash. The next thing I knew, a laptop was set on the table in front of Bella, and Alice jabbered on about her website. Bella seemed genuinely interested, and I was enjoying watching them interact. They would be okay together. There was no weirdness lingering anymore. Still, I wished my brother would hurry so we could get on with this. If we wrapped it up early enough, we were going to stay the night at Charlie's.

Just as I got in a comfort zone with the two of them together, Alice regressed. She took a sudden interest in Bella's hair. She hadn't noticed my sister-in-laws overt stares yet, but I had. I had a feeling this wouldn't be good.

"Oh. Honey. What happened?" There were actual tears in her eyes as she reached out to touch a lock of Bella's hair.

Her head popped up and she froze at the contact. "Oh. Yeah. Pretty awful huh? Never cut your hair on a whim, at the suggestion of someone else."

Yep, actual tears. "I'm sooooo sorry!"

"Alice! Christ, it's just a haircut. It's not the end of the world. It'll grow back." I decided to take the offense and defend my girl's honour… or at least her hair.

"You're such a guy!" She scowled my way before turning back to Bella. "He doesn't understand, honey. But I do. I did the stupidest thing in high school oh my god."

Any time Alice finished up a sentence with 'oh my god', without hesitation, it meant the beginning of a ramble. I tucked my knees to my chest and dropped my head onto them.

"My mom was on my case, all the time, about being a tomboy. Just because I followed Emmett around, and didn't have big bosoms didn't mean I was a tomboy, y'know? I mean, my mom has these gigantic friggin' boobs that supposedly make her a 'real woman' or whatever. _Whatever_, right? Just because we're smaller busted doesn't mean we're not as feminine."

I groaned. Then peeked out to check on Bella. She was looking surprised, but I could tell she was supressing a grin. "Your mother is large-breasted, is she?"

"Oh my god! Tell her Edward."

_What the fuck?_ "She is? I hadn't noticed."

"Right. Ooookay." Alice huffed. "You're a _guy_. Don't tell me you've never noticed her bosoms. Guys get all stupid around her. It's nasty."

Bella was looking my way, across from Alice. Since her back was to me, I mouthed 'huge' as I held my hands out in front of my chest to hold imaginary melons. "I really couldn't say."

"Well anyway, I got so sick of being called a tomboy, I went and got my hair cut super short just to make her mad. If I was going to be labelled, I wanted to look the part." She tittered at her own act of rebellion. "It was the worst mistake, ever! I have sideburns!"

I was ready to lose it, and I could tell Bella was holding back as well.

"Side. Burns. Ohmygod. They curled down my cheeks. I looked like a drag queen version of Betty Boop, without the boobs."

That was it for me. Alice took Emily to get her into bed since I was out of control. I laughed until my sides hurt. I was still drying my eyes when she returned.

"Edward is… sorry, Alice," Bella announced for me. "He's really tired. He's over-tired. He giggles like a school girl when he's this tired. Really."

She shrugged like it was nothing new. It really wasn't. She was used to me laughing at her. "Anyhoooo. We can fix that for you. Your hair. Not his giggling. There is no help for a man who giggles."

I would have picked it up again if I weren't so frightened over the concept of Alice doing something else to Bella's hair. What more could this poor woman handle?

"It'll grow," Bella protested. "It grows. Really fast."

"My friend Leah is super with fixing mistakes. I swear. Stay over and I'll take you to her in the morning. She'll make it look awesome, I promise you."

Bella looked as uncomfortable as I felt. "Alice," I pleaded softly. "You're kind of being… Alice."

"Too much?" she asked with her big doe eyes turning glossy once more. "I'm sorry. Bella, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be so… Alice. It's not you, well it is in a way, but not really. I'm just like this when I'm nervous. I start talking a lot and none of it makes sense and I know I do it but I can't stop. It's like, if there's silence, it's even worse, but I know I need to shut up so then I think of how I can help because I really, really want to help you, Bella. God! I'm doing it again! I just butt in where I'm not wanted. Just ask Edward, he knows. I've done so many harebrained things to him and it's only because I love him. I mean, I don't _love_ him in the sense that you do. I don't want to like, _be_ with him or anything 'cause that would just be…" She actually paused her rapid-fire speech to shudder.

"Thanks, Alice," I smirked. "Makes me feel oh so special."

"I don't mean _you're_ gross, just me with you would be gross."

"Agreed!" Absolutely no argument there. "Alice, just calm down. You don't have to be nervous. It's just me. And Bella. I thought we'd passed this weird phase. Didn't we get past that?"

She nodded, taking deep breaths. "It's just… I want to help. I can't stand seeing someone close suffering in any way. I guess your hair is the last thing you're worried about, right?" She focused on Bella again.

"It is a mess," Bella said to console her. "Normally, I'd love to meet your friend, Leah. And yeah, I'd totally love to get rid of this hair style. But right now? Not so good. We've still got to see my dad, and Esme and Carlisle on the way through. Rose and Emmett have been watching Don Everly for us and we really should let them get their lives back. This is just a fly-by visit. This time."

I didn't think it was possible for Alice's eyes to appear larger than usual, but they did. She seemed to stop blinking as well. "You're doing family visits," she stated. "And we're your first stop." Her hands waved around frantically as she let out a silenced squeal. "I know you're really here to see Jazz, but it just makes me so happy –"

"No, not just Jazz –" Bella attempted to cut her off, but wasn't entirely successful.

"– to be part of this family. And to have you all think of me as family. That's all I want. I can calm down now."

I squinted at her in doubt. "Can you?"

"I swear."

"Because you've been family a long time, Alice. This isn't new."

"But Bella –"

Bella stepped up and took hold of Alice's flailing wrists. "I know exactly how you feel. I wanted nothing more than to be part of this family from the moment I met them. They've always treated me… like one of them. Even now. Even after I pushed every one of them away. I love them, with all my heart. And you're one of them, Alice." Bella's speech was muted and mellow but just as emotion-filled as Alice's outbursts. "Please don't be nervous with me. Just be Alice."

My sister-in-law's bottom lip quivered as she grinned. "If you need anything, Bella, I'm just a call away." They embraced before breaking to grin at each other some more. "Are you doing okay? Did it help having Edward there with you?"

"You have no idea." Bella chuckled as she glanced at me. Her cheeks took on a pink hue. "I don't think I'll ever fly again."

"That's okay. That's perfectly understandable. I know a lot of people develop intense phobias after a trauma. But you don't have to fly."

I loved Alice for trying to make her feel better, but she really had no idea of all that Bella was going through. While the women seemed to have reached a new understanding, I was getting more on edge by the second, just waiting for Alice to say the wrong thing and upset Bella's emotional balance. She'd been doing so well since she'd shared her thoughts with me.

"It's more than the flight phobia, I'm afraid," Bella admitted, to my surprise. "There's been a lot of change. I'm just having a little trouble adapting to it all. I kind of freaked out in the airport because I was alone – but I wasn't." She shook her head, laughing softly at herself. "Gran was with me. I know, crazy, right? I was sitting there in the airport, and this woman passed by. She was wearing the same perfume Gran used. It made me think of her. Then this gust of cold air swept by, like someone opened a door. But that wasn't it. I felt like I'd turned to stone. Everyone around me seemed to disappear. They didn't exist. It was only me, and it was so cold and still."

This was the first time Bella had spoken of the airport ordeal in my presence. It amazed me that she was being so open with Alice, sharing something so personal.

"My ears seemed to plug up, you know, like how it gets when you're taking off or landing? There was this pressure and a bright light as I was walking down the boarding ramp. So bright. Even closing my eyes didn't help. It's like the light was in my mind. And then she was with me – Gran. Not there, in Phoenix. I was back on the plane in Washington… with Gianna and Marcus." Her voice trembled slightly, but she pressed on. "And I was falling. And they were gone. Just… gone. The light turned warm, and it didn't hurt my eyes anymore. It felt good. It felt like a hug from Gran. But she didn't want me. She was almost… angry with me. She told me to get my arse back to where I belonged. It wasn't my time."

Alice had a steady stream of tears rolling down her cheeks as she listened to Bella's tale. Their hands were clasped together, and I saw Alice giving her reassuring squeezes as she related what had happened in the airport.

"That was the first time I had any conscious memory of the crash. I guess that's when the panic attack started. Gran disappeared along with the memory… and the light. The airport noises returned, and they seemed unbearably loud. I couldn't breathe, and people stared as I struggled to get some air. My legs were like rubber when I tried to turn back. I actually fell over. People tried to help, but I pushed them away and stumbled along, trying to find a place to just disappear. I couldn't seem to get enough air anywhere. I finally caught my breath when I called Edward and heard his voice. That's when I started crying, and I swear, I haven't stopped for days."

"You're doing so well." Alice looked at her in amazement. "Unbelievably well. I could never make it through all that. I fold with a bad haircut."

I snickered at her. It was either that or let myself cry. I opted to be a manly man and firmed up my jaw as I bent to give Alice a hug. "That's a lie, Little One. You're very durable. And adaptable. And sweet." I flicked a tear off the tip of her nose. "And full of snot that is so disgusting I can't bear to be near you right now."

As expected, she shoved me away and ran for tissues. That left me with Bella. Just as I wanted.

"I'm sorry you went through that alone," I said softly.

She shook her head as she reached out her hand for mine. "I wasn't alone. I had Gran. And now you. That's what she meant, you know. I know that now. She wanted me to find you, and be with you. It's where I belong."

So much for Edward the manly man not crying. Alice didn't even tease me about it; she simply passed me a tissue and said, "Blow." Yeah, I was becoming fonder of Alice by the minute.

"Anyway…" Bella dragged out the word as she wiped her own nose. "Back to why we're here. I'm leaving Phoenix for good. Washington is my home now, and I don't ever want to go back. But I've been left with Marcus and Gianna's estate. A house. Property. A car. Money." Bella shook her head like she still didn't believe it. "I need to take care of things, and I won't feel better about it until I get it all underway. That's why we barged in on you this way. Alice, I want to give Emily the same trust fund Nathan has."

Surprised that she announced her intention before Jasper had joined us, I watched Alice for her reaction. She simply smiled sweetly.

"Honey, no! That's Nathan's birthright. We would never take that from him."

She didn't understand.

"Oh, it's not taking a thing from Nathan. His fund was set up before his birth, and his parents' death. I'd like to set up the same thing for Emily, so they start off equally and have the same opportunities."

Alice's interest was piqued. "Like an education fund?"

"That's part of it, sure."

"And it wouldn't take anything from Nathan?"

Bella shook her head, grinning. "Not a thing. I'd like to invest in your business, too. If you'd be all right with that?"

I laughed as Alice's eyes widened in shock. "You'd have to be a silent partner, because you'd never get a word in working with this one anyway," I said jokingly.

"My… business?"

"Your dolls. I'd like to fund the expansion into pet toys."

"Alice, is the wheel spinning in there?" I tapped on the top of her head to break her out of her daze.

She scowled at me, but then smiled at Bella. "You want to be partners with me?"

"I wouldn't be intrusive. You'd have the same control you do now, only you'd have more money."

"You'd be my partner! Bella, I would love that!"

I saw Bella's bottom lip disappear as she bit down on it. "I really meant it to be more of a donation. I don't know anything about running a business or making dolls. Apparently I don't even know how to give money away." She chuckled nervously.

Alice eyed her curiously as she tipped her head to one side. "Tell me about the trust fund."

"Nathan's is set up with college in mind. He'd gain possession of it at eighteen. We could do the same for Emily. Or slightly different if you'd prefer. I'm sure Jazz would know the legalities of it all."

Alice nodded distractedly. "So it is a college fund."

"And more."

"How much are we talking about?"

I was quite curious myself. Bella hadn't discussed amounts, only that it was ridiculously extravagant and far too much as far as she was concerned.

"Enough to cover all college costs – wherever she'd like. And grad school. Probably a car. And her first apartment or whatever." Bella shrugged casually, but she looked faint. I noticed a slight tremble in her hands as she wrung them.

Mouth gaping, Alice issued a small squeak before she darted towards the phone.

"You're doing great," I whispered to Bella as I stood toe-to-toe with her. "We're almost done here, and then we're that much closer to home."

"Jazz, you really need to get your butt home… now! Emily's fairy godmother is here!"


	28. Chapter 27

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 27**

"Before we get to the matter at hand, there's something I have to say to Jasper."

The four of us were still standing by the front door after the flurry of excitement when my brother came home. Alice was stunned, but not speechless, and Jazz pulled his shit together and showed more concern towards Bella's well-being than I'd ever witnessed. Her plan to eliminate her new wealth had been going so well, I didn't foresee her roadblocking it herself. The look on her face told me she was dwelling on the past again.

"Edward and I can go get drinks," Alice said quietly. I looked to Bella for her say on it before I'd agree to leave her side.

Jasper acted first. "Personally, I'd rather you two stay to hear whatever Bella wants to say to me. I have a good 'fuck you' coming to me, I know. And Bella, I want you to know I fully deserve it. I'm s-"

"Shh!" Bella shook her head fervently. "Please don't. I need to say this, and I need _you_ to forgive me. Or try to." She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. "Jazz, I'm sorry about that day."

He smiled at her, shaking his head. "Bella, you don't have to do this. It's all good."

"I was horrible to you on the phone. It wasn't right for me to lay all of that guilt on you and not let you respond. I shouldn't have told you that I didn't want you to come to Phoenix. And I should have picked up when you called back. We should have talked in person so you wouldn't have to tell me in an email. Jazz, I don't blame you for finding this love with Alice – I don't. It stung at the time, because you were right. You were right all along. You, and my mom. I did take advantage of your brother. And I hurt him. I hurt all of you. I'll probably never forgive myself, but I really hope you can find a way to forgive me."

Alice caught my eye, and I swear I could read her mind in those few seconds. Bella and Jazz had argued before he sent the email – about me. Jazz was looking out for me. Bella was the one who cancelled the trip down to see her, not him. For just a flash, I felt like shit for going off on him like I had. He wasn't the cold-hearted bastard I'd thought he'd been back then – not entirely. But then I let it go. I let the past lie there, where it belonged.

I grinned at Alice as Jasper reached out for Bella. "There is nothing to forgive," he told her softly. "We were kids. We both made mistakes. I don't regret our relationship, but I do regret the way we left things. I felt like I chased you from all of our lives, and that's never something I wanted. I've missed you. It's about time you took the spot you always should have had in this family. Ed's always been the one you should've had." He cupped her face, tilted her head back to look at him. "Forgive yourself. Everything has worked out just like it was meant to."

"Not exactly," Bella whispered, her lip trembling.

"Your friends," Jasper stated rather than asked. "Of course that should be different. I'm so sorry you lost them in the crash."

Bella smiled sadly, releasing a tiny snort. "Now you suddenly seem to grasp the concept of consoling a person."

Jasper gave a good chuckle. "Well, I've matured somewhat. And I've had a good role model in my big brother." He threw his arm around my shoulder as he planted a kiss on my cheek. I grimaced and wiped it off.

"Save it, man. I can't stand your slobbering. And what did you eat for dinner, anyway? You smell like seaweed."

"Sushi!" he announced with glee and a heavy release of breath in my direction. "And a wonderful cocktail of garlic shrimp."

I felt like I was turning green as even the thought of seafood after Charlie's fish fry had made me so ill. "Back off, Aquaman, or I'll hurl right here on your marble."

"It's ceramic," Alice corrected with a coy smirk. "It'll be marble when Jazz makes senior partner."

"It can be marble sooner than that." Bella was back on track and looking eager to proceed. "I was asking Alice about your thoughts on me setting up a trust fund for Emily."

"Emily wants a marble floor?" he cracked.

"I don't know. Smart-ass." Bella flashed her old teasing grin at him. We took our conversation out of the entryway, each couple sitting side by side. Together, Bella and I filled them in on her inheritance, and her thoughts on how to best put it to use.

She explained how she didn't want Nathan feeling any different from his cousin. If he was going to inherit a sizable trust fund, so should Emily.

"And I'd really like to help Alice get her project expanded. I want to donate the funds for that." Bella still insisted on being a donor rather than a partner.

Jasper spoke up. "Are you giving Emmett money for a business as well? You know, in the interest of keeping things even."

I could see this heading down the wrong path, but I wasn't able to stop Bella before she blurted out the rest.

"No, I don't think he's looking to start his own fire department. I am going to give them money to pay off their house though. Of course, to keep it even, I'd like to do that for you two...three...as well."

Alice squeaked once more before slapping a hand over her mouth. Jasper looked more reflective than shocked. "You don't have to do this, Bella. If this is about the past –"

"Jasper, one has nothing –"

"It's not!" Bella cried out as I began speaking. She stopped and looked to me to continue, silently pleading with me to make it right.

"Bella's not trying to buy her way into or out of anything. This inheritance is one hell of a constant reminder that her friends are gone. It's a heavy burden to carry around – trying to carry out their wishes without the benefit of their approval. Marcus and Gianna had no close family. Bella was the closest thing to a daughter they ever had. I think that they would know this is where Bella belongs – with this family. I think they would embrace all of us as her family."

"They would. They absolutely would," Bella agreed. She nudged me to go on.

"She's not merely giving their fortune to our family – this is just a portion of it."

Alice slapped a second hand over the first one still covering her mouth. She looked extremely uncomfortable.

"I had no idea how wealthy they were," Bella informed us. "I lived in their house –"

"Which is seriously museum-sized," I interjected.

"Which is extravagant," she said in agreement. "But I would have thought everything they had gone into their home. I was wrong. They didn't flaunt their wealth. Their lawyer explained to me that the bulk of it came from Gianna. Her parents had a winery in Italy. A very successful one. They left everything to her, their only child, when they were taken in a car accident. Aside from the house and the splurging on me, they didn't make a show of it. I'm continuing on with the donations they made regularly, in their honour. And I'd like to help out the people I care about before I make a final decision on what to do with the remainder. I can't sit on it like Gianna did. It hurts too much."

Jasper remained silent, his eyes cast downward as he took it all in. His wife removed one hand and then slowly took the second one away, testing to see if another unintelligible sound would come out. She perked up when nothing came.

"Gosh, they really loved you," she gushed. "I hope you don't think I'm being… too much with this, but I have to say that I think you're doing a wonderful thing. You've already given so much, and I'm not talking about money. Nathan… he's precious, and you know Rose and Emmett will love him every bit as much as your friends did. That was an amazing thing to do. I wouldn't have had the hutzpah to select new parents for him like you did. And then I would've doubted every little thing I did. I'd always wonder if I did the wrong thing – both for him and for his biological parents. I'd be afraid to change anything, or make any permanent choice, but not you. You decide and act, and you're so, so brave. I think it's because they must have had the same heart as you, y'know? Like, they looked at you like a daughter because they saw the pureness in your choices and actions. You were like-minded. On the same path in life, I guess. And they trusted you implicitly. I mean, it only makes sense if they willed everything to you.

"I'm not just saying this because I want my daughter to have that trust fund." Alice's brow scrunched up with worry. "I mean, I do, but I'm not kissing ass with this. I believe they trusted you to make the right decisions with everything. Look at what's happened already: My brother and Rose have their own beautiful little boy, and he has the most loving parents ever. You came through the accident and surgery and such a big loss, but it's not all bad. It led you here. It led you back to this family, back to Edward. It's like something beautiful is coming out of a great tragedy. Someone's watching out for you, and now they are too. It's like they're guiding you from beyond. Does that make any sense at all?"

It was our turn to stare at Alice in stunned silence. I almost squeaked myself. Never had I seen better evidence that she and Emmett were related. Sure, she was more excitable than her big brother, but they had the same way of spinning everything to come out positive.

Jasper took her hand and planted a kiss on it, beaming proudly at his wife. "Well said, darlin'. I wouldn't have known how to come out with that, but you did fabulously. I don't know what I believe in regards to the afterlife – I'm a lawyer. I need hard evidence." He threw out a smirk. "But I'm seeing only good coming to you lately. Surely you agree."

I glanced over at my girl to judge her thoughts on what we'd just heard. Her dark lashes were heavy and her cheeks dampened with tears. She looked deep in thought. And nervous. It made me nervous as well, because I didn't know if she could handle all of this being so emotionally fragile at the moment. It very well could add to her stress.

"Breathe, Edward," she said to me quietly, giving my hand a loving squeeze.

I couldn't believe she was aware of my lack of oxygen, but after all I'd learned in the recent days, it shouldn't have surprised me. It made me love her even more because she was just as attuned to me as I was to her. We stared into each other's eyes and slowly, the worry began to clear. There was a gleam in her eyes that tears weren't responsible for. The old Bella who just acted on what her heart told her was still in there, and she was gaining strength.

"I do agree." She addressed Jasper's question, still locking gazes with me. "And I hope you're right, Alice. I hope they can see what I'm doing down here, because I want them to know that Nathan is great. And I'm… going to be. I'm finally where I belong. I hope they can't see my mullet though."

In typical Bella fashion, she lightened the mood with one comical remark. Jasper and I cracked up, but Alice didn't see the humour. "Don't pay any attention to them. They're not laughing at your hair, but the situation."

Bella smiled warmly at her. "Alice, do you think your friend Leah has time to fix this?"

Gravity seemed to fail for Alice as she appeared to sail across the room, gripping Bella in an embrace. "I'll call her right now. She's going to love you."

~ 0 ~

Alice and Jasper were gracious hosts to us. We'd accepted their invitation to stay with them overnight, and the two of them prepared a large breakfast for us all in the morning. When Alice took Bella out to meet with Leah, I took care of cleaning up after the meal while Jasper tended to Emily.

"You did the right thing," Jasper proclaimed out the blue. "Going to Phoenix."

"Which time?" I quipped with a smirk.

"Both. If I hadn't been such a jealous pri… fool" – Jasper quickly corrected himself since Emily was in his arms – "I would've thanked you for taking care of Bella when she lost her grandmother. Of course, you would. It's not even a case of you being in love with her, it's just who you are. You take care of people. Especially those you love. I had no idea that Bella was still feeling bad about our argument. It really seemed like we'd both put all that in the past. It worries me. Is she keeping a lot of other stuff inside? You'd know best. Does she talk to you like she used to?"

I nodded, placing the last of the dishes in the machine. "She talked to Aro, as well. I think it was good for her. Jazz, if it helps, he doesn't seem to think that she's been wracked with guilt for the past decade. He feels it's all brought out by the events of the past year. Post-traumatic stress, I suppose. She's questioning a lot of her decisions – both recently and back then."

"She seems better this morning. More herself?"

I grinned in agreement. "Dude, it was weird sleeping with her in your house. Was it weird for you?"

He shrugged casually before nuzzling at his daughter's chubby cheek. "I figure it was probably weirder for you when we were across the hall from you in Mom and Dad's house." He followed my lead and laughed. "Listen, just forget about all of that. It was a lifetime ago. A high school thing. Try to think of her as only yours – I do."

"Deal." That statement put me at ease about any future family gatherings. From here on out, I vowed to not dwell on what was, but focus on what would be. "Thanks for agreeing to help Bella with the legalities of setting up Emily's trust fund. I know she doesn't want to go back to Phoenix to deal with Marcus' lawyer."

Jasper nodded. "Sure. She's better to have her own legal representation at this point. I don't want her paying me though. I mean, I have to charge a fee on the books to make it a legal transaction, but I don't want to accept payment for her giving my daughter a trust fund. That's still blowing my mind."

"Want what's left of your mind blown even more?" Bella and I had talked in the early hours of the morning, and she had acknowledged that Jasper seemed uncomfortable accepting money, just as I'd thought the previous evening. She asked me to broach the rest of it with him, sensing it would come better from me. "She'd like to give you and Alice the option of branching out – starting your own practice or whatever. If you'd like. You don't have to decide now. Discuss it with Alice and see what you come up with. Whatever you decide, Bella's setting aside funds to allow you to do that now, or in the future."

Emily was squirming on Jasper's lap, so he set her down. He appeared lost in thought. "I have a feeling it will hurt her if I don't accept this offer. Am I right?"

"Yup." It was true. Bella didn't want to be responsible for this large chunk of change, but she was uncomfortable doling it out as well.

"One thing…" Jasper stood to pour us each a cup of coffee. "I don't think I should represent her for all of this. I'll take care of the children's matters, but I think she should hand the rest of it over to someone impartial."

I accepted the cup he handed me and sipped on it. I hated speaking for Bella, but I knew it was helpful to her. "She doesn't want a stranger involved. Having to explain the circumstances of her inheriting all of this… It's too much."

"Understandable – Emily! Don't pull on Tinkle's tail that way. You know she doesn't like it." He quickly scooped her up to let their kitten escape her clutches. It amazed me that he could have a conversation like this with me and still watch his daughter so closely. "Sorry about that. I told Alice she was too young to have a pet, but she was determined. Anyway, what about Dad? Bella could ask him to look after the rest? Would she feel all right about that?"

I watched Emily squirm from his arms again and smiled. "That's a great idea. All this time, I thought Rosalie got all the brains."

"She just got the bulk of them, bro. I've learned to use my meagre allotment of cells to their greatest potential. At times, anyway. I'm envious of you two still being so close. I miss all of us hanging out together."

I shrugged. "So, move to Port Angeles." It was meant as a taunt, but in my heart, I wished he would. I'd missed our sibling threesome too. Judging from the look in his eyes, he was mulling my challenge over as an option. "At least then I'd have an opportunity to teach your daughter how to crawl properly. What the hell is that, Jazz? Seriously?"

He shook his head back and forth, laughing at me. "Babies don't always do what's expected, Ed. Each one is different. And my baby girl is very unique."

"She is," I agreed with a chuckle. She had hauled herself up to her feet by grabbing handfuls of my jeans. She was grinning up at me as I patted her head.

"You know what's a bonus?" Jasper set his cup down after draining it. "Our new nephew has made you take an interest in the next generation of Cullens. I know you're not really comfortable around babies, but I appreciate the efforts you've been making with Emily. It means a lot."

It meant a lot to me that my brother acknowledged the recent change in me. I spent the next hour in their backyard, pushing my niece in her baby swing and letting her rip out my hair by the handful. Being an uncle wasn't all glamour.

~ 0 ~

Bella looked like a million bucks sitting next to me as we departed Seattle for Forks. Leah had done an amazing job on her hair, softening the hack-job the stylist in Phoenix had done. I could tell Bella felt better about her appearance, as well as the task of spreading her inheritance around. She claimed she'd had a wonderful morning with Alice and her friend, and I believed her. The frown lines that had taken possession of her brow seemed lessened, and her eyes were bright. She looked hopeful.

"Excited to see your dad?"

She hummed a happy agreement. "He's gonna flip out when I hand him the catalog. He'd better not argue about it either. He deserves something that will encourage him to take more breaks from work." Bella had acquired a catalog of the latest boats and planned to purchase whichever he liked best.

"You know if he gives in, it'll probably be a row boat."

"I know. Stubborn ass."

"He says the same about you."

"I know. I'm my daddy's girl." Bella beamed with pride. "I'll just tell him I'm not getting in a row boat, so if he wants family visits, he'd better get a sizable yacht."

"Niiiiice." I chuckled at her spunk. "That's using your noggin."

As we neared Forks, I decided to broach something I'd been fretting over. "Um, Bella… can I make a suggestion before we get to my parents' house?" The newest plan was to visit Charlie for a few hours in the afternoon, have dinner with him, and then go to my parents' for the night. Rosalie and Emmett had taken Don Everly to their house to let him have some run-around-free time in their fenced yard. Best puppy-sitters ever.

"I know, eat whatever Esme offers, even though we just had dinner." She flashed a smile at me, and I grinned back.

"That too… but along with that… um, it's probably not a good idea to offer them anything financial. I don't know what you have planned, but the way you're going – offering to fund businesses and buy out mortgages – I know you don't plan on leaving them out. The problem is my folks love you like their own. They would never accept anything from me, Jazz, or Rose, so it wouldn't fly with you either. I just don't want you to feel snubbed when they refuse anything you offer them. Do you understand?"

She took a few moments of quiet thinking before responding. "I see your point. I hadn't thought about that. What about this – a family vacation spot? Somewhere everyone could go and have full gatherings and everything. It would be for all of us, but they could choose it. Do you think they'd go for that?"

My foot pressed down on the accelerator, more anxious to get to Forks than ever. "I knew there was a reason I love you – aside from your ability to pull off any hairdo. That's perfect."

"Speaking of hairdos… What the hell happened to yours?"

I glanced in the rear view mirror, frowning at the disarray I saw. "Emily's sticky fingers happened." I groaned, reaching for my ball cap. "She's fascinated with Tinkles' tail and my hair. In that order."

"She's adorable with you." Bella smiled as she adjusted my cap for me. "And you with her. You and Alice are quite entertaining together too. Both of you will say anything that comes to mind, and it's hilarious when you're paired up."

"Do you like her?" I asked tentatively. "Honestly."

"Honestly? I do. I don't know if I'd ever have chosen her for a friend – she's a little peppy for my taste – but as a family member she's awesome. Her heart is in the right place, even if her mouth isn't. Kind of like you sometimes."

"I take offence to that," I said teasingly. "I never say anything remotely inappropriate."

"HA!"

The sound of Bella's laughter filled the car as we reached our destination. We drove past the 'Welcome to Forks' sign, and I eased off the gas to avoid having Charlie fix a speeding ticket for me.

He was waiting on the front step when we pulled in. Smiling broadly, he approached the car and drew Bella into a tight hug when she stepped out. "I'm sorry I had to leave you that way. I wasn't thinking. You did so well on the flight down… I just…"

"It's okay, Dad. None of it was your fault."

"Bells, you should always be my first priority. I let you down. Again." His voice lowered, and his eyes misted over.

Bella gave him an extra tight squeeze and whispered, "Never. You've never let me down. Please, don't ever think that."

I had a feeling Charlie had never cried on his front porch, and he wasn't prepared to ruin his perfect record just yet. He cleared his throat gruffly and gently eased apart from his daughter. Subject closed. That's one thing I loved about Charlie – he didn't drag things on.

"How's Jake?" Bella took his lead and changed the subject.

He shrugged. "You know Jake. His dreams are crushed, but he's still smiling. I've offered a free pass for him to accidently run over my deputy if the opportunity arises. Stupid jackass. Edward? How are you, son?"

"Road wary and sticky, but otherwise just fine, thanks." We did the quick hug, shoulder pat thing. "Sorry we couldn't make it here last night. Bella booked a beauty appointment that she didn't really need."

Charlie smiled affectionately at his daughter. "She certainly didn't, but she did deserve it. I've got steaks marinating for dinner. Figured that was better than fish." His eyes twinkled as he flashed me his teasing grin. I would never live down the fish-fry incident.

"Is that Bella?" A voice called out behind me. "Sweet ride! That your car, Bella?" I turned to see a hulking kid on crutches ambling towards us.

"Jake? Oh my god, you got so big!" Bella brushed past me to embrace him. "I haven't seen you since you were learning to master your two-wheeler!"

He chuckled at her teasing. "I've advanced to motorized two-wheelers, but they're out now. Doctors figure I won't ever have the same mobility with my knee. Sucks." Despite the bad news, he still wore a grin. "This your boyfriend?"

Charlie arched an eyebrow in our direction, and Bella blushed but moved quickly to my side. "Edward, this is Jake. And yes, he's my boyfriend." She clasped my hand in hers and stood on her toes to kiss my cheek.

"Good to meet you, man." Jake grinned at me amicably. I wondered if he was incapable of frowning at all. The pleasant look on his face never seemed to fade.

"Yeah. You too. That was some touchdown in your season-ender last year." Immediately I realized I shouldn't have brought up the topic since his football career was gone, along with his days of motorbike riding. "Sorry… I…"

"Don't worry, man. It was the highlight of my life-before-idiot-Newton. There's still life after his stupidity. What, I don't know exactly. But he only took me out of the game, not life."

This kid was the polar opposite of me, but for some reason, I liked him. I didn't cringe when an invitation to join us for dinner was accepted. In fact, having him around kept all of our moods light, and that was just what Bella needed. I hadn't been looking forward to her having to repeat her angst over her breakdown at each stop. I presumed she'd already had several talks with her dad since the initial episode anyway, so it was nice to just enjoy being together.

Jake showed such enthusiasm towards the boating catalog that Charlie got wrapped up in it to. The three of us teamed up and convinced Charlie to take a serious look at the luxury yacht, equipped for sea-fishing. Another brick had been removed from the pile burying Bella, but she wasn't in the clear.

Both Jake and Charlie saw us to the car when it was time to leave. Again, Jake showed his appreciation for the Volvo.

"You like it, huh?" Bella looked at him with intrigue.

"It's certainly different from the pick-ups you see in these parts," he retorted with a grin.

"Heads up." Bella tossed him the keys, and he snatched them out of the air. Even on crutches, he had a quick hand.

"What was that?" he asked with a chuckle.

"It's yours. That is, if Dad will give us a lift to the Cullens'?"

"That's not funny, Bella. Teasing a maimed man that way." Jake held the keys out to her.

A grin spread on my face as I realized what she was doing. "I don't think she's kidding, Jake."

"Nope." She popped the 'p' for emphasis. "It's yours. I'll get Carlisle to transfer the title over to you. After all the shit my dad's super deputy has put you through, you deserve a reward."

The grin finally fell from his face. "Bella… I… I can't take –"

"Yes, you can! Jake, please take the Volvo. Pleeeeease!" I emoted, much to Bella's amusement. This was a win-win situation. Jake loved the very thing I abhorred. He was doing me a huge favour by accepting Bella's gift. "I call Emmett later on and see if he can come take us home in the morning. You've earned this car. Take it. Enjoy it. And run Newton down in the street when he's least expecting it. Just claim you thought he was a weasel."

Both Jake and Charlie cracked up. Charlie knew there was no love lost between Deputy Mike Newton and I, and if my intuition was correct, Charlie wasn't exactly thrilled to have him on his squad right now either. He happily helped me switch our bags into the cruiser and took us to our next stop, leaving behind a gleeful young man and a shiny Volvo I was more than happy to ditch.

~ 0 ~

"Bella! Dear… oh, sweetheart! Come here." Bella fell into my mom's waiting arms as soon we arrived. "Oh! I'm so glad you're here with us. Charlie, please come in. Join us."

He declined politely and promised a visit soon. My dad released me from his stronghold to help me with the bags. I had to drop mine when my mother turned her attack on me.

"Edward, sweetie, I'm so proud of you! Don't be mad at Alice for telling me you flew down to get Bella. She was so excited about it."

"It's not a big deal, Mom," I muttered quietly, but gave her an extra squeeze for reassurance that I loved her for seeing the major step I'd taken. "What did you make to eat? Bella told me she's starving." I winked at my girl as she shot me a glare.

"Oh, good! I spent the afternoon baking, so there are lots of cookies, cakes… I can warm up some pasta we had earlier."

"No, no… please," Bella implored with kindness in her eyes. "Dessert is great. That's more than enough. I'm just really glad to see you both. Thank you for having me."

Dad pulled her in against his side as we waved Charlie off. He placed a tender kiss on her head. "New hairdo, huh? It's nice. You look good, Bella. We were worried about you. I may not show my emotions as clearly as my lovely wife, but I really am thrilled that you're back in Ed's life – in all of our lives. If you need anything, sweetheart, _anything_… you just let us know. We're all here to help you."

Bella's beautiful eyes pooled with tears for the first time all day, but it seemed like it was a swell of mutual appreciation that was causing it. She hugged the life out of my dad, who laughed and returned her embrace with vigour.

"Come inside, you two. We don't have nearly enough time together, let's not waste it standing on the porch crying."

"Says the woman who's shed more tears on this porch than anyone," Dad quipped as he handed Bella over to me and took hold of his wife.

"How many times has Alice called today?" I asked as we took seats in the living room.

"Today? Haven't heard from her," Mom replied. "Why? What's wrong?" She instantly went into fuss mode.

"Easy, Mom. Nothing's wrong. I just wondered if she told you Bella's news already."

Mom and Dad exchanged questioning looks before both shaking their heads. "No news. But I hope your news is that you're moving back here permanently?"

"I am," Bella responded with a nod. "Well, not Forks. Port Angeles."

"With me," I finished for her, alleviating the tension as my parents silently debated who would inquire about that. They both grinned. "But there's more." Together, we told them about the inheritance and Bella's plans to divvy it up between loved ones, charities, and the university.

"I was hoping you'd help me out with that, Carlisle. I need a lawyer to transfer all the funds and set up scholarships and whatnot. Would you be able to do that for me?"

"Of course, Bella. Whenever you're ready, we'll talk. We'll work it all out. That's very generous of you."

She shook her head. "It's not mine. I'm simply doing what I think Gianna and Marcus would want."

"I think they'd most want for you to be happy, dear." Esme crossed the room and took a seat next to Bella. "The memorial must have been very difficult for you."

"You'll never guess who was there," I commented as I munched on a peanut butter cookie. "Aro."

"Aro? Dr Tenneman?" My mom's shock was evident. "What on earth was he doing there?"

"He was good friends with Marcus, from way back," Bella explained.

"Small world," Dad commented. "Seems like he was in the right place at the right time." He glanced at me questioningly, and I nodded.

"It was great to see him again. He stayed with Bella until I arrived." My mom wrung her hands nervously and then gave in and hugged her again.

"He was so instrumental in Edward's life, I'm glad he was there for you as well," Mom whispered softly as she held onto her. "Of course, I'm sure your aunt and uncle were a big help to you."

Bella sniffled, the tears coming forth once more. "They're great. They are. I've depended on them too much –"

"Nonsense," my mother murmured. "That's what family is for."

"Esme?" Bella pulled away and faced my mother. "You're the most amazing mother, you should know that. From the moment I met you, I wished I could have you for a mom. Trade in my faulty one for better model."

Mom's eyes widened in shock even as the blush in her cheeks gave away the pride Bella's remarks had made her feel. "Sweet, sweet girl, I am far from perfect. But you should know that I would be the proudest mom in the world to have you as a daughter." Her eyes showed conflict.

"Wishing you could just blurt it out, Mom? Even if it's inappropriate?" I teased. "She's used to me. And now Alice. Go ahead, give it a shot."

"Your mother is a fool. There. I said it. I'm sure she has her redeeming qualities. You've turned out lovely, after all, but she's a damned fool and she doesn't deserve you. I'm sorry." She looked ashamed of herself as her eyes darted from me to Dad and then back to Bella.

"Don't be, Esme. I realized a long time ago that I don't deserve _her_. Luckily, I had Gran and Kate, and then you. Then Gianna." She bit down on her lip as her lashes darkened with her tears. "Thank you for being there for me when my mother failed me… years ago, and more recently. I hope I'm not over-stepping –"

"Go ahead." I nudged her with my elbow. "She's used to Alice."

"Stop dissing your sister-in-law," Bella chastised me playfully. "She's sweet. What I wanted to say is that I hope we can continue to be close, Esme. You were like a mom to me when I needed that most. You took care of me after Nathan was born, and that was above and beyond anything I ever could have asked for. I know I hurt you when I dropped out of your life."

Mom smiled at her as she stroked her cheek. "That's the past, honey. Forgiven and forgotten. And for the record, I would have camped out on Edward's doorstep if you'd refused to let me stay in the apartment with you, just to be close in case you needed anything."

"You should have been with Rosalie. And Nathan," Bella protested.

"I was exactly where I needed to be," my mother stated firmly. "I had time with them as well. But my goodness, you needed some TLC. Just ask Edward what it's like with me in your life when you're under the weather. I hovered over that poor boy so much, he developed insecurities he never should have had."

I scoffed, wiping the cookie crumbs from my shirt. "It's not your fault I was a mess. I was damaged goods. You did what you could with it."

"You weren't 'damaged goods', Edward," Carlisle spoke out. "Good lord, son. Don't get her started on that!" Swiftly, he stood up before she could argue. "I want to go pull up the forms I think we'll need for you to look over while you're here. I'll just be a moment."

Mom sipped on her tea and then reached for the plate of carrot muffins, practically forcing one on Bella. I politely declined with a huge grin. Bella would soon know firsthand just how my fat years began. To my mother, feeding meant love.

Bella nibbled courteously but seemed fidgety for reasons beyond her full stomach. "Esme, I wanted to ask you about something."

For a moment I feared she was ignoring my request to not offer them part of the inheritance. I sucked that back and reprimanded myself for wanting to control her that way. One of the things I'd always loved about Bella was her ability to carry out what she felt was right, regardless of what others thought.

Setting her cup down, Mom smiled encouragingly.

"I need your advice – as a mother, and a nurse."

Ohhhh! Suddenly realizing she was about to take my other advice and ask my mom about breastfeeding, I was the one fidgeting. And extremely anxious to get the hell out of Dodge. "I should go see if Dad needs me."

I didn't get my ass off the couch fast enough. Bella caught hold of my belt loop and hauled me back down. "You know nothing about legal forms. Your dad can manage on his own."

The look in her eyes told me she needed my moral support, if nothing else from me, so I nodded and sucked in a breath.

"What is it, dear?" My mother took on a concerned look that I'd seen many times in my life. "Is your recovery not going well? Rosalie told me your last renal results were remarkably good. Are you feeling unwell? Over-tired?"

"No, no! Well, yes, I am tired but that's beside the point. I'm fine." Bella was quick to reassure my worried mother. "It's just… the past few days, I've had trouble expressing." She hesitated and then rushed to clarify. "My milk. For Nathan. It's… gone. Am I doing something wrong? Am I too far away from him? What happened? I mean, does that happen? It just… stops?"

Relief flooded my mom's face as she clutched at her chest. "Oh goodness, yes! That can happen, certainly. With the amount of stress you've been under, it's remarkably normal, I would say. You've done nothing wrong. It's just your body's way of telling you… enough."

"So it's… gone? It won't come back?"

"How do your breasts feel, dear? Are they tender? Engorged at all?"

Air caught in the back of my throat as I attempted to breathe and yet hold my breath at the same time. This was definitely not a conversation I should be present for. Reaching for a muffin to occupy myself, I went for broke and grabbed the whole plate. I saw Bella glance at me from the corner of my eye, but she looked away quickly when I stuffed the first muffin in my mouth.

"No. They're not engorged. A little tender, but that may be from trying to express when there's nothing there."

I went to another place in my mind as I heard the words 'nipples' and 'breasts' far too many times. The muffins were extraordinarily good. Extra moist. And Mom had put a layer of cream cheese frosting on them, just as I liked. She had a way of making the little carrot morsels look like speckles, rather than shreds. She'd altered the way she grated the carrots after I'd choked on one at a very young age. Personally, I thought it had nothing to do with the carrot bits, and everything to do with the fact that I tended to choke on anything I attempted to eat for a while there. Still, I always felt special because she made the change for me. And everyone raved over her muffins. Even neighbourhood children, whose parents swore they wouldn't touch anything that had a carrot anywhere near it, came back for more. Before I even was aware, I'd finished off three of them. Licking my lips, I set the plate back on the table so I wouldn't devour what was left of them.

"… Edward? You can do that, right?"

"Sorry?" My head turned towards my mother's voice. "I wasn't paying attention. I was… somewhere else."

Bella chuckled softly beside me. Taking a peek at her, I saw her cheeks tinged pink. Mom was watching both of us, her brows arched inquisitively.

"I think I've made him a little uncomfortable," Bella said softly. Apologetically. The fact that she knew this was awkward for me made me want to suck it up and just be whatever she needed me to be.

"What can I do, Mom? You were saying something, and I missed it." Turning my body to the side so I could face them, I placed my arm on the back of the couch, catching a few strands of Bella's hair between my fingers. It made her smile, so I continued drawing my fingers through it.

"I was saying that the more relaxed Bella is, the more likely she is to produce. You can keep her relaxed. Rested. Well nourished, with lots of fluids. Just like when she first came home, but emphasize the relaxation. Tension isn't conducive to a good milk flow. When I had the same issue, your father would draw me a warm bath and then give a lovely back massage. Get all the tension out of my shoulders. And then he'd dash away with you." She smiled, thinking back to the days of new motherhood. To me, it didn't sound like anything to smile about. It sounded like I was the cause of her tension.

"You're going away again, aren't you?" Her voice was teasing, yet loving. "What were you thinking just now, Edward? That little frown line appeared. Something troubled you about what we were talking about."

"Seriously, Esme. This is probably very awkward for him. I shouldn't have made him stay –"

"I was thinking that we don't have a little red troll – a mini-me – to get out of the way, so once Bella's relaxed, she shouldn't have a problem. I'll keep Don Everly busy, because I know you had some issues with him and the sound of the pump. That's the kind of thing you meant, right?" I looked from Bella to my mom.

"You really were far away, weren't you? You didn't hear a thing I said."

"It's fine, Esme." Bella was quick to jump in. "I understood the connection you were making. We can let him off the hook." She tittered with my mom as she gave my hand a squeeze. "Your mom doesn't think Nathan will be any worse off if I can't restart my flow," she told me.

"Any amount of breast milk is wonderful for a newborn. It's not always possible though. Nathan's had the best of everything, and he'll be just fine. And don't you worry for a second about letting anyone down, young lady." Her scolding was done so gently it made me wish I'd been paying closer attention to the conversation instead of the muffins.

Before I could quiz either of them on what I'd missed, Dad poked his head in and beckoned for Bella. I started to go with her, but Mom held onto my arm.

"I'm not done with you, mister. Bella will be just fine with your dad. You and I are going to have a talk."

Where was the gentle tone she'd just used with Bella? My eyes sought out deep brown ones to tell me if it really was all right with her if I stayed back. She smiled reassuringly, that beautiful glow returning to her eyes. They weren't dull like they had been, or worse, pooled with guilt as they'd been when I got to her in Phoenix. She was coming back, bit by bit. My beautiful, carefree Bella.

"Bella, dear, I got the rooms upstairs ready for you. When you're done with Carlisle, you'll find your things in Rosalie's room, as always."

Thankfully, Mom was standing in front of me and couldn't see me clamp my hand over my mouth to avoid snickering. Bella looked as though someone had just taken her favourite doll from her. She recovered quickly and nodded politely. "That's great, Esme. Thank you for going through all this trouble. It'll be nice to be in Rose's room again."

Amusement still lurked on my face when Mom turned to address me. Not feeling amused herself, she cocked an eyebrow at me, waiting to be alone before she spoke. "Edward, are you sleeping with Bella?"

A short chuckle escaped. "You cut right to the chase, don't you?"

"I'm not laughing."

I cleared my throat, straightening my posture. "I noticed."

"You're thinking it's none of my business?"

"I'm thinking I feel like I'm twelve."

"I wouldn't even entertain the idea of you sleeping with Bella at twelve – don't be ridiculous."

Ridiculous? "Mom, this conversation is ridiculous. You are aware that I'm thirty?"

She huffed, squeezing her eyes shut as she realized it wasn't going to be an easy run with me. "Yes, I'm aware. I have three thirty-year-olds. And thank you for reminding me how old I am."

"You're not old," I countered. "You're… aged to perfection." My best smile greeted her when she opened her eyes.

"You are so full of shit."

I felt much more relaxed when we both broke into laughter. "Mom… dearest Mother… I _am_ thirty. A grown man. And…" I leaned in to whisper the next part. "I'm not a virgin."

"Edward!" Her face flushed, but I persisted on driving my point home.

"I've been independent for almost a decade. I've had relationships. Did you think I was saving myself? Waiting for marriage?"

"I thought maybe one of you would," she muttered. "But no. At this stage, I suppose I didn't really believe that."

"Aw, Mom. I had no idea you were so old-fashioned," I chided teasingly. "That's sweet."

"Shut it, you." Her voice was stern, but a smile played at her lips. "I didn't think you were a…"

"Say it."

She shook her head.

"Just say it."

"A – " Her head swayed back and forth again.

"Say it. Out loud."

"Virgin!"

I couldn't torture her anymore, as entertained as I was. It was just cruel of me to embarrass her so. Laughing softly, I pulled her into my arms. "I love you, Mom. It's nice that you think so highly of my morals."

"God, why do I do this to myself?" She rested her forehead on my shoulder as she returned my embrace. "I should know that you'd give me the hardest time with this."

"A sex talk at thirty? Seriously, Mom, I think any of us would laugh this off."

"But this is serious, Edward," she insisted as she eased away from me. "Not the state of your… you know. I'm talking about Bella. _Our_ Bella! And why am I the last to know?"

It hit me then; someone had only now blabbed. I'd expected that to have happened long ago, but she honestly had no idea. "I'm sorry," I said softly. "I thought you would have known by now."

"I thought you would have told me yourself," she contended. "If not then, at the very least now."

So she knew about the ordeal as teens as well. "I couldn't talk about it." My head was lowered, unable to look her in the eyes. "And I didn't want your pity."

"Edward…" She touched my arm, stroking it gently. "I could have offered comfort, not pity. But all of that aside, when did you plan on telling me about you two? And how long has this been going on?"

"Just recently," I vowed. "Very recently. We're just beginning to explore how we really feel about each other."

"So all these months she's been staying at your apartment…?"

"Friends. We've been friends. Always friends."

Her look softened even more as she smiled at me. "But now she knows how you feel?"

I nodded, returning her smile. "She does."

"I feel like a fool. It's been right there, staring us all in the face, and now it's so obvious. It's clear that she adores you, as well."

My smile broadened. "That's the most amazing thing about all of this. When I found her, I honestly didn't think it would end up this way. I just wanted to be there for her – be her friend, as I always was. I never stopped caring about her."

"None of us did. I care… very deeply for her, Edward. And you know _you_ mean the world to me."

Smirking, I tipped my head. "Out with it."

"I don't want either of you to be hurt. Are you sure this is the right time? She's so vulnerable."

"It's the right time." The words came out of me with more assurance than I thought I had, but hearing them, I truly felt it. "This is new for us, but we're ready. I'm not the same boy I was back when we first met. Back then, Bella was my only friend, outside the family. She gave me encouragement and support. She helped me believe in myself. Right now, I can give that back to her, and the best way I know how is to not let another day pass without her knowing that she's cherished. She's my life."

My mother smiled through her tears, nodding emphatically. "You do that. But go slow. She's still recovering from a c–"

"For God's sake, Mom, I know that! I'm not forcing myself on her."

"I didn't mean it that way. It was just, you know, a little medical reminder. She's only at five weeks post-surgery."

"Five and a half," I corrected with a smirk. I took the playful slap as it was meant, with love and concern. "We're going day by day. Don't worry. I won't hurt her."

"I never thought you would. It's just not in you."

"Mom… I have to ask. What did you mean earlier, about Bella not allowing herself to feel like she's let someone down. Who were you talking about?"

She squinted at me quizzically. "You really weren't listening," she stated with amusement. "Son, some things only women can fully understand. I'm not saying that fathers don't feel the same sense of desperation that their children have everything they could possibly need, but for a woman who's just given birth… honey, it's just a really difficult time. Just make sure she knows she's loved. She'll get through this."

"She thinks she let Nathan down," I surmised. "Because of the milk thing?"

"Nathan. Rosalie. You –"

"Me?" My voice raised at least two octaves. "She's not letting me down."

Mom nodded her agreement. "Make sure she knows she's loved, every day," she reiterated. "You'll be fine." She rubbed my arm briskly, nodding emphatically. "You'll be fine."

My head shifted slightly when I heard Bella's footsteps on the stairs. She and Dad were finished.

"Go on." Mom gave me a little shove. "I know where you want to be, and it's not with Granny, here. You do remember where your room is, don't you?"

I grinned. "Yeah. Top of the stairs, to the right."

"Left!" Her scolding eyebrow was raised once more. "Right now, I'm embracing my old-fashioned ways. Your sister's room is off limits to boys of all ages. Especially thirty-year-olds."

"Point taken," I conceded before adding, "Granny."

"Little shit," she retorted with a chuckle. "Somehow it's endearing from you. I'd never let your brother get away with this, you know."

"I know. It's our own special thing." I bent to place a kiss on her cheek. It meant so much to me that she was looking out for Bella, not just me. "Love you, Mom. Every. Day."


	29. Chapter 28

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 28**

"Stop trying to influence me, Edward. You're corrupting me. I do have to go back to Rosalie's room."

I was peppering Bella's neck and shoulders with soft kisses. I wasn't truly trying to influence her in any way. I merely loved the way her skin felt on my lips, and the way she grabbed a fistful of hair and twisted it every now and then. The heavy breathing and soft moans didn't hurt me at all either. "Bell-llaaaa, we're adults," I whined, acting like anything but a thirty-year-old man.

"In your parents' home," she reminded me gently. Her hand still gripped my head despite her verbal protests. "I have to respect Esme's wishes. She means so much to me. I don't want to do anything to disappoint her. I want her to respect me, too."

"She does respect you. She adores you." My tongue traced across her collarbone, causing her to dig her fingernails into my scalp. "Not as much as I do, of course, but you won't disappoint her." I paused my innocent corruption when she sighed. Easing away, I cupped her chin. "This just caught her by surprise. I feel bad for not telling her any of this. I honestly thought someone would have let it slip long before now."

Her brow furrowed as she considered this. "Are you saying everyone knew how you felt? Everyone but Esme and Carlisle?"

I shook my head. "Only Rose and Jasper, and by default Emmett and Alice. After the fact, not while you were involved with Jazz. Are you upset by that?"

A smile crept in as her forehead evened out. "It explains a lot about why Rose had that silly grin on her face every time I talked about you."

Humming, I dipped back into the sweet, warm crook of Bella's neck. "You could stay," I murmured between kisses. "I promise to wake you before dawn. Before that, I promise to let you actually sleep. I swear I won't be slobbering on you the whole night."

"We'll get caught," she protested.

"Slobbering? Or sleeping?"

Her laugh came out husky sounding, heightening my arousal even further. I halted my mouth action with a groan. "Okay. I'd better stop this anyway. You're getting entirely too turned on. I can tell. You want me. Bad. But I'm sorry, Bella, there are restrictions we must follow. Your body just _thinks_ you're ready for all of this, when in fact, you really can't handle the full Edward just yet."

That laugh of hers destroyed my attempt to make a joke in order to take my mind off my own desire. Instead, it made it worse. Even with only faint light coming into the room, I could see the blood rushing to her cheeks. The moonlight made her deep brown eyes shimmer as she stared at me in wonderment.

"What?"

"I always wondered what you'd be like in this situation – a girl in your bed. I wondered if you'd be shy and make her take control, or if you'd be all cocky."

"I've never had another girl in my room, let alone in this situation. You're the only one." I was no longer joking. "It's only ever been you."

Closing her eyes, she tipped her forehead against mine. "Edward," she whispered. "You're making this so difficult for me to go down the hall."

"Then don't."

We had, of course, heeded my mother's demands initially. But when an hour passed and I felt like I was suffocating in my room alone, I'd crept down the hall to my sister's old room. There, I found Bella wide awake, as well, and coerced her into coming to my room. Of course, I didn't bring her there with the intention of making out – that just happened. We were talking softly, and she was laughing. She looked so much better. So content. It felt like everything was falling into place and things were all finally as they should be. She kissed me first. Timidly. I didn't attack her, as I'd done in my dreams so many times in this room. Instead, I caressed her as we shared tender kisses and exchanged long, adoring looks at each other.

I'd never considered myself romantic in the least, but this was killing me. It wasn't merely that I wanted the fundamental rush sex provided – I actually felt like it would ruin this moment. This was beyond a physical need, and yet every fiber of my being needed her. I needed to touch her and examine every inch of her flesh. I wanted to know each sound she made and determine what they meant. I needed to be able to look into her eyes and know exactly what she was thinking about. What she was feeling. What she wanted. This was why I was having a hard time letting her follow Mom's instructions. I felt like I was there – that I finally knew exactly how love was supposed to be.

"I promise you, this is the last time we'll sleep apart," Bella vowed, no hint of teasing in her voice or her expression.

How could I object? I uncurled myself from her, gently removing her hands from my neck, and the leg that was wrapped around mine. "Come on then, before I change my mind. I'll walk you back to your room."

We made the trip down the hall hand-in-hand, stopping at Rosalie's doorway. "I love you, Edward Cullen," Bella whispered into my ear.

"And you, Bella Swan, are my life. I love you so much." I allowed myself one last gentle kiss. "Sleep well."

"You too." She went in the room but turned to face me before closing the door. "By the way, you were right. I do want you. Bad. G'night."

~ 0 ~

"Did you not sleep at all?" The first words out of Emmett's mouth when he arrived the next day put me on the defensive in a flash. I hadn't, in fact, and my mood was indicative of the night spent tossing and turning.

"When you try going to your parents' house and sleeping in your old room – in a small bed crowded with shitty memories – we'll see how you manage."

Emmett held his hands up in submission, but the smirk on his face forewarned he wasn't going to let me off. "Someone needs a workout. Or a blowjob."

"Fuck off," I muttered under my breath. He'd hit too close to the truth, but my mom was only a few feet behind me. Being separated from my girlfriend for the night had made me feel like a teenager again anyway. I didn't want to be reminded about minding my potty mouth.

"Emmett, sweetheart! It's so good to see you." Emmett's charming grin always covered his verbal infractions. He could say anything and follow it with his altar boy smile, complete with dimples, and my mother would coo over him. Asshole. "I was hoping you'd bring Rose and the baby."

He glanced at me as he returned my mother's hug. "Nah. Not enough room in the car since I'm bringing these two back with me. But, I didn't come alone." Tipping his head towards the car, I saw the companion he spoke of and instantly perked up.

"You brought him?" I grinned like an overgrown kid. "How was he in the car?"

"Great! He likes rap, by the way. The good stuff from the '80s. He prefers his hat backwards rather than sideways, and he's real fussy about that. Gets all grumpy if you don't put it on right. Kind of like you when you're overtired."

Sneering, I threw a good-natured punch at him before shaking out my hand. His chest was solid rock.

"You brought the new puppy?" Don Everly wasn't as thrilling to my mom as Nathan would have been, but she was enthusiastic enough to please me.

"I thought Bella might be missing him," Emmett replied. "Is she doing better? Where is she?"

"She…? You mean me?" Bella appeared behind me, coming out to join us just in time. "The closer I get to home, the more normal I feel. Hi, Em."

"Hey, Angel Bells. Come get some lovin'." He scooped her up in his thick arms, hugging the life out of her. "You sure know how to scare a guy," he told her softly. "Don't do that again, Bells. I mean it. If I didn't have the two boys to look after at home, I would've gone down there myself to drag you back to us."

"Em, stop making her cry," I grumbled. "She hasn't cried since yesterday, and look what you've done." I'd stepped closer the minute I saw her face pinch up, but she didn't let go of her grip on Emmett.

"This is a good cry, Edward," Mom advised with a warm smile and tears of her own. "It's a homecoming cry."

Bella nodded in agreement, sniffling as she clung to Emmett. "You're the big brother I always wished I had."

He chuckled, swaying her back and forth as they hugged. "Well, Uncle Em has brought a surprise for you…" Turning her towards the car, he held out his arm in a grand display, yelling, "Ta-daaa!"

"Don Everly!" And then Bella actually shrieked – an Alice-like shriek – as she ran towards our anxious puppy.

"My goodness, it looks like he missed her as well!" Mom laughed as we watched Don jumping up against the window in anticipation. He spilled out of the car, all legs and hanging tongue, before springing himself at Bella.

My breath caught in my throat as he took her to the ground. "Bella!" I was there in seconds, pulling Don Everly off her. "Did he hurt you? Is your stomach okay? The incision?"

She laughed hysterically as she pulled herself into a seated position on the ground. "I'm fine. Better than fine. Come here, my puppy! Oh, how I've missed you. Did you miss me too? Did you? Do you remember me?" They were all over each other again, with me kneeling beside them – odd man out. "You grew! What did they feed you?"

"Just Puppy Chow and a few small cats," Emmett quipped. "Hey, Ed, while Don Everly has the ladies charmed, can you help me out for a minute? Rose wanted me to bring some stuff back." He tilted his head in a not-so-subtle way towards the house just as Dad came out.

I found myself irritated by the exchange of pleasantries between them, wishing they could save it for later. I wanted to know what Emmett was up to.

"Wait until you see the vacation homes we looked up this morning." My dad had fully embraced the idea of them heading up a family vacation spot, funded by Bella's inheritance. It surprised me how easily they were persuaded, but I was thrilled with their response regardless. "The biggest question is snow or sun? There's a great ski chalet, but Esme's rather fond of this little island resort. We'll all get together and put it to a vote. This is for everyone, so majority rules."

"Yeah, we'll do that. Hey, Dad… why don't you go meet Don Everly?"

My father took hints very well and casually made his way over to the love-fest going on involving the puppy. I gave Emmett a shove towards the house.

"Rose doesn't really want anything," Emmett announced quietly as we headed for the kitchen.

"No shit. What's this about?" I wasn't in the mood for hinting around at things.

Sighing, he opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of cranberry juice after a good inspection of the rest of the contents. "I don't know what the hell happened, but your sister has gone mental. I didn't want to bring this up in front of Bella –"

"No," I interjected. "Absolutely not a good idea. It's about Nathan, right?"

He looked stunned as he tipped the bottle to his mouth. "You knew about this?"

"She thinks Bella wants him back," I stated calmly. "Am I right?"

"Yeah! What the fuck, dude? Is she right about this?" Emmett looked panic-stricken. In all the years I'd known him, he'd never been anything but a rock for all of us. This was rattling him in a big way.

I scoffed, shaking my head. "Not even close. Look, Rosalie has it in her mind that Bella made this choice for me – that somehow she buried her own feelings to do what she thought I'd want –"

"Do you want Nathan?"

Good, Emmett wasn't mincing words either. This was just how I liked it. "No. Yeah. I mean…" Shit. Why couldn't it come out as clear as it was in my head? It sounded like I was unsure, when I was anything but. "Look, if Bella had kept him, I would be involved, sure. I'd help her raise him. But she didn't. She _wanted_ him to be with you and Rose. That's what I want, too. We all win with this. You guys are happier than ever, and completely poop-obsessed – something I never saw coming – but whatever. It makes you happy. Nathan makes you happy. That's great. That's… perfect." I shrugged. "I'd be a fuck-awful father figure, Emmett. You're much better suited to that role. It's best for Nathan. And it's best for Bella. All 'round… it's perfect as it is, and no, Bella does not want to fuck that up. Can you please relate that to my sister? I tried. Apparently she didn't hear me."

Emmett's frown softened. "She heard. But she sees otherwise, Ed. Whether you admit it or not, you care about this little guy."

I shrugged. "Sure, I do. He's my nephew."

"It's more. You… connect with him. I have to say that before he was in the picture, I never could have imagined you with a kid. But somehow, he broke through to you. Rose reminded me of how you carried his ultrasound picture around. Dude, only very thrilled fathers-to-be do that shit."

"I was just excited for Bella. It meant a lot to her to see this through, and I was just happy that he was healthy." I scowled, rubbing at my neck. He wasn't going to let this go.

"Cut the act." Emmett stared me down when I clammed up. Looking at the floor didn't help. I could feel his eyes boring into my scalp. "Are you gonna tell me what's really on your mind, or do I go back home and help Rosalie prepare to give up Nathan? Hey, at least we'll still be his uncle and aunt."

"You play dirty. Fucker." I looked up at him. "I want to punch that smile off your face, shithead. Stop that."

"Finally, Ed's gonna talk. _Really_ talk."

"Does my sister really love those dimples of yours? 'Cause they may be enhanced when I make you a Joker clone. Obviously, you can't contain it, so I think we'll have to go the route of making it permanent."

He toned it down, losing the deepest part of the dimples, but retaining the soft look he had with his smile. "Just talk to me. Come on, it stays between us. Bro talk. That's all."

I swallowed hard as I switched from wanting to punch him to wanting to inflict pain on myself instead. Why could he persuade me so easily? _Fucker._

"Look…" I wet my lips, feeling parched and unable to speak even if I wanted to. Before continuing, I grabbed a bottle of water to help me along. I took a nice long swig and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "Okay, here's the thing… neither of us want kids. Even before we got… before we started… ugh…" I stopped for another drink. "Even when we were teenagers, both of us agreed that we weren't cut out to be parents. It was just another thing we had in common. Another thing to fuel my belief that she was the perfect girl. I would not be a good father. That's just how it is. And to find someone who is just as comfortable with never having kids is like a miracle."

I paused to see if Emmett would contradict me. He didn't. I decided to stick with Bella's reasoning rather than spewing out a bunch of stuff about my faulty DNA and its ability to kill. He didn't need to hear that shit.

"Do you know why Bella agreed to do this for her friends? To be their surrogate, I mean?"

"Because she's Bella," Emmett stated without hesitation.

I grinned, conceding that was a pretty good reason. But it wasn't all. "That's true enough. But I've discovered there's more to Bella than what we all see in her. Yes, she's thoughtful and giving. But there's another part buried inside that makes her feeling undeserving. It's got to come from her mom abandoning her. I'd think. I don't know. I'm gonna ask Aro about that."

"You're getting off track there, dude."

"Right." I chuckled at his casual reminder. He was used to dealing with Alice, after all. Getting me back on track was much easier. "We've done a lot of talking on this trip home. She told me that she felt… not obligated, but… something like that. In Bella's mind, it wasn't fair that Gianna couldn't have a baby, even though she was desperate for one and would be the most amazing mother. In the meantime, there was nothing keeping Bella from being pregnant, aside from her own desire to not fuck up a child of her own. Do you understand? I mean, she said it much better, I think. I understood what she meant when she told me. It's like, having Nathan has freed her from that burden. Not that having a baby is a burden, but really, it is for some people. Know what I mean? Fuck. I should just get Bella to explain this. It would be so much better."

Emmett had a strange expression on his face. It worried me. He wasn't saying anything, and I wasn't about to speak up, not knowing what was going on in his head.

"Don't freak out or anything, but I'm going to hug you."

I backed up. "Uh, no. You're not."

He stepped forward. "Yes. I am."

"Emmett…"

"Ed…"

I was trapped against the kitchen counter. Trying to gain distance, all I was achieving bending back over the sink was to thrust my hips towards him as he came at me. "Fucker," I grumbled as he bear hugged me.

"I love you too, bro."

~ 0 ~

"I know you probably just want to get home," Emmett said as we neared Port Angeles, "but Rose is really glad you're coming for dinner. It'll be good for her to see you with her own eyes – make sure you're okay. She was so worried about you, Bells. She's been… well, not her usual self. I even had to call in backup. Esme's getting really good with Skype. Oh, man! Speaking of which, I'm really sorry I let the cat out of the bag with the inheritance give-away and all that. Alice told me what you had planned for Charlie, so I figured something similar would go to Esme and Carlisle. Why didn't you tell me they didn't know you guys were together?"

"That was you?" I asked in amazement from the back seat. Bella was riding shotgun, and I was trying to keep Don Everly from jumping into the front with them.

Bella snickered, turning to grin at me. "And you blamed Alice."

"Heh, well I would have, too," Emmett confessed. "I didn't cause any problems, did I? I mean, Esme was pretty shocked. Then she got weird. Was she okay with you?"

"Yeah. I had to have a sex talk, which pretty much topped my list of uncomfortable moments, but I guess I deserved that. She was disappointed that she'd been left out, more than anything."

Emmett whistled through his teeth. "See, a Skype sex talk would have been better than face-to-face. You should have told her."

"I know, I know," I grumbled. "Or a McCarty mouth could have blabbed it ages ago. Now that I know you're both loose-lipped, I'm even more surprised that no one told her. At least now I know why Dad was so easily swayed on the vacation home. Thanks for that. And if you speak to Alice before I do, tell her thanks as well. Hey, Don's looking a little anxious back here. Maybe he has to pee."

Emmett glanced in his mirror. I figured he'd pull over immediately, not wanting to sully his car with dog piss. He was fanatical about his car, something my sister loved to tease him about. She'd go off about him leaving his dirty underwear on the floor of the bedroom, and shaving cream all over the sink, but god forbid she left a take-out cup in his cup holder. She wasn't even allowed to touch her hair in the car, in case a strand or two fell out and stayed behind on the seat.

"Em? Seriously, dude, I think he's gonna pee."

He shrugged and made the exit from the highway. "We're almost home. If he can't make it, it'll clean up."

"Fatherhood's changed someone," I commented with amusement.

He simply beamed with pride at my remark rather than making a lame excuse for the turn around. As it was, I was worried for nothing. Don Everly had remarkable control, though he did leap from the car the moment Emmett opened the door and relieve himself on their front lawn.

"I think Rose is gonna miss being with him every day," he told us as we waited for him to finish up. "She's softening on the pet issue."

I issued a non-committal grunt. He seemed rather confident, but I knew better. "Talk to Jasper about babies and pets."

"Alice says it's great," he argued.

Bella chuckled, nudging him. "McCarty versus Cullen, take two. The thing is… I think _your_ Cullen is tougher to crack than Alice's. I'm going with Rosalie on this one."

"You think?" Emmett looked so wounded it made us both laugh. "Wow. I really thought I'd win this one."

"Silly man," Bella teased. "But you can visit Don whenever you'd like. I really appreciate that you guys took care of him while Edward was taking care of me. Thank you so much. We owe you big time."

Smiling once more, Emmett draped an arm around her shoulder as we headed for the front door. "I see babysitting on the horizon. Only this time, maybe we won't find our baby swaddled in a poopy t-shirt?"

I was narrowing my eyes at him when my sister opened the door for us. She grabbed onto me first, since I was nearest and Emmett still had a hold of Bella.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered as she hugged the life out of me. "You're the most amazing guy I know."

"Nah. That title goes to the little guy inside," I countered with sincerity, drawing a huge smile from my sister.

"Bella, come here, let me hug you." Shoving Emmett aside, Bella was in her arms before she could even react. "Thank God you're home. Listen, if you need anything… I mean, anything… you just ask, okay? When Edward's at work, you and Don Everly can come over here, or I can come to your place. Whatever. Whenever. We're all going to help you through this."

"Rose, thank you. But honestly, I am feeling much better already. I just… freaked out. Really. Stuff started coming back to me, and I guess I'm hormonal…" Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I need to talk to you about something."

My sister's face paled, but she nodded firmly. "Sure, honey. Sure. Before we get into that, do you need to express? You can use our room for privacy."

"Yeah… um, that's kind of what I need to talk about."

As white as Rosalie was, I was certain to be just as red. We were going to talk milk production and boobs again. I tried not to stiffen too much and found myself wondering what Rose was cooking that smelled so good. I followed Bella, preparing to sit at her side while Emmett went to tend to Nathan. His "waking-up" sounds were coming from the baby monitor in the living room.

"Why don't you go see your nephew?" Bella urged before we sat.

"Yeah?" I asked with a little too much enthusiasm.

She grinned at me. "Yeah. I know you don't want to sit through this again. And you're probably anxious to see him. I know I am."

I saw Rose drop her head, pinching her eyes closed as though she didn't want to face what was coming. Instantly, I knew she feared the worst. I also knew she'd never let me suffer through a bad thought for a moment longer than necessary, so I went to her.

"It's all right, Rose. I swear to you. It's not what you're thinking." I spoke in a quiet, soothing voice as I forced her to look at me. "I swear to you."

It gutted me to see my sister so distraught and unsure of her future. Rosalie had always been a confident person on the surface. If she ever doubting something, she never let it show. It's not like she was a cold person – no, Rosalie was warm and loving and always able to express her feelings, but she was also the most self-assured person I knew. A lifetime of knowing that version of Rosalie made it harder to see this uncertain and fearful woman in front of me.

Emmett chose that moment to bounce down the stairs with a bundle in his arms and an energetic puppy dancing around his feet. He made the descent without a hitch whereas I would have ended up sprawled at the bottom. God only knows what would have become of Nathan and Don Everly.

"He's awake and clean and probably hungry, but he's also anxious for some godparent-loving." He stopped midway across the room. "Am I interrupting something?"

Both ladies turned their heads to me. I dropped mine, eyes to the floor. I felt like if I even peeked at Nathan, they'd declare me a lost cause, desperate for a baby. That simply was not the truth. At all. There was only one thing I was desperate for, and she had made out with me in my childhood bed just the night before.

I got us back on track by suggesting he and I take Nathan into the kitchen to prepare his bottle so the girls could talk. Bella still needed to tell Rosalie what she had started to – that her days of supplying Nathan with her milk were over. In doing so, I put myself in a situation that left me holding the baby – literally. Emmett dumped him in my arms as he trotted off to warm up a bottle. I made sure I had a good grip on him without holding him so close that I appeared to be enjoying it. I had eyes following me closely and a puppy tripping up my feet.

"What's the deal out there?" Emmett popped the lid on a can of Diet Coke for himself, but passed me a beer after taking Nathan off my hands. "You're not driving. I think you could use this."

I smirked as I tilted it back to take a long swallow. Don Everly was at his water bowl. I found it endearing that they had a set of dishes at their place for our puppy. Don seemed to have made himself at home as well. When he finished drinking, he wandered over to the door leading to the backyard and started nosing at it. Emmett let him out, and he did a few rapid laps around the fenced yard before settling in to chew on a ball.

"Bella's uh…" I scratched at my chin, contemplating how to put this politely. Then I recalled who I was with. He wouldn't care how it was phrased. "Shit, Emmett, her boobs dried up while she was gone. She's a mess about it. But I swear if I have to hear one more conversation about lactation, it'll suck all the fun out of her tits for me, and I haven't even had any fun with them yet."

Emmett chuckled lowly as he positioned himself to give Nathan his bottle. "No more milk. That's what she's upset about? Well, seeing as my wife is prepared for doomsday, that'll be a relief for her. Maybe it will take the pressure off Bella, too."

"Hope so. I hate seeing both of them this way." I slid my ass further down the chair to get more comfortable and took another swig from the bottle in my hand. I watched Nathan hungrily suck at his own bottle, trying not to think of its contents as being from Bella's body. I suppose if Nathan was actually her son and she was nursing him, I'd have a different appreciation for the beauty of the mother's ability to nourish a child. At the moment, it was making me feel weird.

"I'm starving," I announced to take my focus of the sound of the baby suckling and gulping. "Are we gonna be eating soon?"

Emmett nodded. "When I'm home, we usually time it to eat right after Nathan does. He's the easiest to please then. He'll just sit in his chair and suck on his fingers."

"He has long fingers," I commented. "Emily's are kind of chubby. By the way, your sister was completely amazing with Bella when we were there." I wanted him to know he should be proud of Alice; I was.

"She's still nervous around Bella. I hope this means she's over that stage and she can just be normal. Well… as normal as Alice is capable of being." He grinned at me, all sheepish dimples and teeth. "I'm just gonna come out with this, because I know that you know Alice has a big mouth – she told me all about the trust fund and Bella's other offers, not just Charlie's new boat."

I let out a relieved puff of air. "Cool. So we won't have to go through the whole explanation of Bella's willed fortune and how she's not comfortable with it."

"How much did they actually leave her?"

I shrugged. "No idea. I haven't asked. Enough that her friends lived well without even appearing to dip into Gianna's inheritance. I think that's what Bella's striving for – for all of us, her family, to live in the same comfort they did and not beyond. You told Rosalie?"

Emmett nodded, though he appeared to be lost in a faraway thought as he admired the baby in his arms.

"So you won't be difficult about accepting whatever she wants to gift you guys?"

"I didn't say that," he replied quietly. "Here's the thing, Ed… it's great that she's given Emily the same advantages Nathan will have. That's beyond awesome. There won't ever be an issue of jealousy or envy between the cousins. But the rest of us? We don't need wealth when we've been so blessed with everything else. That was a gift meant for Bella because she gives so freely of herself, and her heart. It's not like she's had a charmed life, but she's still got a charitable outlook and loves openly. If her friends didn't look at her as their family, I'm sure they would have left it all to their unborn child or named a charity or something as the benefactor of their riches, not Bella. I know they wouldn't have left it all to her if they thought it would make her anxious about it. I don't feel right taking any more than is already assigned to Nathan."

I sighed heavily. "I know where you're coming from. Believe me, deep inside I feel the same way. But this is causing her misery, not enjoyment or relief. The only bit of enjoyment I see her get from it is seeing the family make plans to use the gift. I don't want you to be uncomfortable, but I'm begging you – please just accept whatever Bella throws at you and let her feel that little bit more relieved."

"Alice said the same," he acknowledged. "She told me Bella's adamant about this and warned me not to offend her." He pulled an affronted face. "The irony of my sister warning _me_ not to offend someone didn't go unnoticed, trust me. Rose and I had a long talk about it last night and did some research. We have a proposal for Bella. Do you think she'll be okay with us making plans for her money before it's even offered?"

Chuckling, I got up to put my empty bottle under the sink. "I think she'll kiss you. In a sisterly way, of course."

"Of course," Emmett agreed, grinning broadly. He straightened up the moment Nathan began taking in air rather than milk. "Here, burp him. I'm gonna warm up another couple of ounces."

"Burp him?" I asked, staring at Emmett rather than the bundle thrust into my arms. "How do I do that? Won't he just burp if he needs to?"

He laughed, giving my shoulder a slap. "Put him up here. Rub his back. Babies don't always know how to do what they need to do. You have to help him along with that."

"He knows how to shit when he needs to," I grumbled.

"Poop, Ed. Nathan poops."

"Sure. Whatever." I carefully turned the little guy around so I could put him on my shoulder the way I'd seen other people hold a baby when they weren't cradling them. "Okay. I'll help you if you help me." I spoke to Nathan as I got him in position. His little head bumped against my jaw, and I stroked it gently in case it hurt. "Want me to go first?" I let out a beer belch to demonstrate. Emmett roared as he placed a new bottle in a pan of hot water.

Nathan didn't follow my lead. Instead he made slurping noises as he chewed on two fingertips. I tipped him back to have a chat with him. His bum rested on my chest, his legs curled up in front of him, and I cupped his head with both of my hands. "You're supposed to burp, little man. I know you won't have the same skill you just witnessed, but you have to start somewhere. Do you think he understands?" I asked as I directed my attention to Emmett. He was standing by the stove, watching us intently with a soft smile.

"I just look stupid, don't I?" I chuckled. "Of course he doesn't understand what I'm saying. I look like an idiot talking to him. He doesn't get it any more than Don Everly would."

"Nah, you look like a great uncle in the making, my man. Keep talking to him. He seems to find your voice relaxing. He never fusses when you hold him."

"He should fuss. He should be terrified. I know I am." I tipped him back up towards my shoulder and was granted a little puff of gas around his fingers. "There! He burped."

"Uh-uh. He can do better. Rub his back." Emmett busied himself with preparing the next round while I tried to figure out the logistics of a hand larger than this baby's torso attempting to extract a better burp.

"He's too small. Are you sure that wasn't good enough? Maybe that's all he had in there."

"Trust me."

I did. Emmett had never steered me wrong, so I began rubbing, using only my fingertips. That did nothing, so I slid my hand over to give it a try with my palm. I did one gentle circle and began the second. The explosion happened on the upsweep – a wet sounding burp, following by a warm sensation down my back and some light gurgly coughing. I froze. "Uh… Em?"

He was already at my side, taking Nathan from me with a strange look on his face. "Don't freak, okay? That happens sometimes. I should have known he would do that to you. He sucked in a lot of air at the end there." He dabbed at Nathan's chin with a dish towel before passing it to me. I held it like it was a bag of dog shit.

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Right. You can't reach your back. Here, let me."

An involuntary gag hit me with the verification that Nathan had just puked on me.

"Easy. I'll get you a clean shirt to put on," Emmett said calmly. "It's not bad, Ed. Baby spit-up isn't the same as an older kid up-chucking. It's just a milk bubble. He hasn't even had time to start digesting it. Think of it like regular warm milk. Like it's fresh from the bottle, not his stomach."

Regular, warm milk. Not regular milk. _Bella's_ milk. Down my back. Oh god!

"Okay, just take it off. Give it to me. I'll throw it in the washer right now."

He didn't have to wait long. It was over my head and in his hand in a flash.

"Can you take Nathan while I –?" He cut himself off. "Forget it. Just go outside. Play with your puppy, and I'll bring you a shirt in a minute."

I took deep, cleansing breaths as I put the milk incident out of my mind. I was terrified that if I focused too much on what had just happened, I'd never be able to look at Bella's breasts again without thinking of it. And I really liked looking at Bella's breasts. I hadn't even begun to get enough of them.

I worked with Don on playing fetch until I caught sight of the girls watching me from the living room window. They looked confused, slightly amused, but more than anything, blotchy. They'd been crying. A lot. I gave them a little wave and returned to the matter at hand. My puppy had retrieved the ball and was waiting for my next move.

"Sorry, dude. We didn't get laundry done." Emmett called out as he brought me a shirt. "It's mostly clean. It's free of baby excrement, but I don't promise the lack of hot sauce splatter."

"I can deal with that. Thanks." The t-shirt hung on my lean frame since I lacked the muscle mass Emmett had, but it was better than my alternatives. I hadn't brought enough clothes with me when I'd packed in a rush for Phoenix, so even Emmett's worn shirt was cleaner than my own that were balled up in my travel bag. They'd all seen two days or more use. I continued on with Don Everly while Emmett gave Nathan the rest of his dinner. He didn't get the same wet burp I'd been granted. I know he wouldn't have freaked out even if he had. Proof that he was meant to be a father, and I was not.

"I'm seriously starving," Emmett complained. "The casserole is ready. Should we go get the girls?"

"I don't know. They looked pretty emotional in there." I tipped my head towards the window I'd seen them watching me through.

"Women are always emotional. If we waited for them to be normal, men would starve."

Still, I hung back slightly when we went in to round them up. I spotted a pile of balled up tissues on the coffee table, and it looked like it was still being amassed.

"Time to chow down? The little man's fed, but the big ones are starving." Emmett called out before he realized they were still in the height of female emotion.

"Is that all you think about?" Rosalie snapped at him. "You can't feed yourself? You're not babies."

"Or… we could get the table ready and call you when it's all dished out," he offered instead. I felt bad for him. I knew his intention was to get them in a cheerier mood, and he'd gotten his head bit off instead. "Or we could wait. I guess you're not done."

"What was your first clue?" Rosalie's voice dripped with sarcasm as she rubbed at her eyes. "Mom, I don't know how you did it all those years with Dad and two sons. The sole purpose of life to a man is eating."

"And sex," Emmett said to me under his breath. I didn't dare laugh, agree, or react in any way. This was not good. Now my three favourite women in the world were gathered, all in tears. It didn't lessen the impact in the least that one of them was present via Skype. I really wished Mom hadn't mastered this one benefit of modern technology.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ I got ahead of the game on this one. Editing complete and uploaded for this morning's update a day early, so I felt it was only right to add my gratitude to anyone still reading. I'm still reading your reviews, even though I have less than zero time to reply lately. *heavy sigh* I appreciate your words so very much, thank you. _

_Close to my heart, and deserving of my eternal gratitude: Shug and msj. Always there to fix me and my chapters up. I'm so thankful to have you as friends. *mwah!* _

_I am going to do my best to keep up with the Monday updates, but I can't set it in stone I'm afraid. I've got more chapters ready for Shug, and msj hasn't even pre-read all of them yet, but I'm still working on the last chapters. I haven't had time to write the last couple of weeks, so I need to get back to the characters so I can do the ending justice. If you're wondering, this looks to be around the 40 chapter mark, like most of my others. But we're jumping ahead... the next chapter has Bella and Edward back home, settling in and adjusting to new routines. It will also have some very tart limes, if you're looking for that sort of stuff. ;)_

_See you soon! Thanks for reading. XX ~ SR_


	30. Chapter 29

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 29**

Emmett offered to help us upstairs, but I declined, sending him on his way to spend the evening with his family while he could. He had an early shift the next day. I took our bags while Bella handled Don Everly's leash. He led the way.

"Glad to be home?" I inquired softly after Bella stopped on the landing below our floor and gazed up.

"You can't imagine," she replied with a sweet smile. "Edward, I want you to know that this won't last forever."

Pain seared through my rib cage. A knife had just pierced my heart and then gave a good twist to make sure the job was done. Or maybe I needed my inhaler. Either way, the pain coursed through me as I understood Bella's warning. She was going to leave me again.

"I know this isn't how you wanted things to be. I'm going to take Aro up on his offer for Skype therapy. At least a few times anyway – until I get my head screwed on right. I swear that I won't be a nutcase forever."

I stared at her blankly. Nutcase? Did she think I was a nutcase? I'd spent far more time with Aro than she had. If she was nuts, then I was certifiable.

"See? This freaks you out, right? You want the girl you knew, not this mess you've been stuck with instead. Now I really feel like I'm taking advantage of you. Maybe I should have waited to call you. Got my shit together and then came back for a true beginning for us. Am I going to ruin it for you? If I'm too much right now, just say it. I can go back to Forks until we're ready. Or rent an apartment on my own. In the building maybe, so we can still be near, but I won't be in your way. And then there's Don to think about."

"Bella, Bella… stop." I turned her body to face me. "You're confusing the hell out of me. What are talking about?"

"I don't want to be a burden to you anymore. I want a real relationship."

The knife eased out of my chest. Air began to flow normally once more. It felt great. "That's what I want too. A real relationship. Those, from my understanding, come with ups and downs."

Smiling, she stroked my arm. "This is definitely the down part."

"The most down we'll ever see," I assured her. "It's over now. Here's where things start going our way, and this time, we just let it happen instead of fighting it. You're not a burden in any way. You could never burden me."

"Honestly?" she asked in a whisper. "You'd tell me if this is too much?"

"Bella, this is too much. I've been holding these bags for the past ten minutes, trying not to fall backwards. What did you pack in here? Anyway, I'd like to move forward now. Literally. Can we go up this last flight so I can get rid of these bags?"

She was already moving, laughing lightly, hips swaying as she climbed. I decided I would always let her lead the way upstairs. When I opened the apartment door, Don Everly was the first to burst through, happily wagging his tail. I dumped the bags just inside, blocking Bella from entering before I could say what I wanted to say to her.

Turning to face her, I took both of her hands in mine, relishing the feel of her soft, feminine fingers entangled with mine. It felt natural and yet exhilarating. The only hands to ever maintain contact with my own. Suddenly I was grateful for this quirk of mine – it had prevented anyone else from contaminating this for me. Bella was mine. My one and only true love.

"When I first brought you here, I was so thankful to have you back in my life," I began in a low voice. "I was grateful that you'd been spared in the crash. I felt indebted to whatever power it was that placed me on the same route at the same time so I could find you. And I felt privileged that you accepted me back in your life so willingly. I never imagined we'd be standing here this way now, knowing what we know, and talking about a future together. I propose… from this day forward… you and I only move forward. No more looking back. No more regrets. Only promises."

Bella's smile quivered as she fought tears. I believe my mother would say they were happy tears.

"I promise you, Bella, that whatever we face, it will be together. I promise you'll never be alone with another fear or accomplishment or doubt… whatever you're going through, I'll be right there with you. I'll be your best friend. And your lover, too. I'll be whatever you need me to be, because you're exactly what I need you to be. My everything. I love you, Bella."

She bit down on her lip as one tear escaped the pools in her eyes. "Edward… I… I love you so much I can't even express –"

"You don't have to," I informed her with a loving smile. "I feel it. I can finally look at you and feel it." Stooping, I gently gathered her in my arms. "All those months ago, I brought you into my home this way, and today, I'm saying, welcome home, Bella. You're finally home."

We kissed softly as I crossed the threshold. Her arms gripped my shoulders firmly as though she never wanted to lose physical contact with me. Her lips moved smoothly over mine. Expertly nipping and parting as just the right moment. It felt like we'd been intimate for eternity. We seemed like one soul divided in two, knowing exactly what the other part wanted and needed.

Trusting my grip on her, Bella released my shoulders and cupped my face. "Look at me now, Edward," she said huskily. "Do you see what I feel for you right now?"

I looked. I saw the world's most beautiful girl. The softest brown eyes boring into my portion of our shared soul. I saw love and commitment. Rejoice and relief. Amazement and trust. When I really contemplated it, I saw that it was how she'd always looked at me. Always. But there was something slightly different now, something that I couldn't name.

"Lust, Edward. That's what you're seeing. I want you in the worst way – the _best_ way." She squirmed a little in my arms, chewing on her lip as her eyes dipped down to my mouth. "I've never wanted someone the way I want you. You should know that." She stroked my cheek as she looked back to my eyes. "I want you to know that. Because when I'm cleared, physically… when I get the go-ahead…"

The kiss she initiated was different than any of our previous kisses. It was filled with the same love and desire, but a raw lust dominated and I felt weak straight through to my toes.

"You're beautiful," she whispered as she lightened our kiss. "And desirable." Her tongue flicked across my lower lip. "So sexy and sweet." My heart pounded with her words and soft kisses. "You're everything to me. All that I've ever wanted and so much more."

"When's your appointment?" The voice that came out sounded nothing like me, but it was suiting because the desire I felt for her was nothing like I'd ever felt either.

She gave me a coy grin and another kiss, attempting to swing around so her legs could wrap around me. At least, I think that's what she was going for. Trying with all my might not to drop her as she shifted, I gripped her ass and momentarily thought it was rather lewd of me, so I grabbed onto her thighs instead. The sudden move made her life higher in my arms and my head started spinning with the very intimate contact. I couldn't adapt to the weight shift under the circumstances and struggled to keep my balance. At this very moment, Bella's face took on a look of horror and I over-compensated, slamming her roughly against my groin as I spread my legs for better balance until I could fix whatever was wrong. It may have worked, had I not stepped on a rubber bone. It squeaked, and I squealed as a searing pain shot up the back of one thigh and settled in my ass cheek.

"What happened?" Bella dropped her legs to the ground, landing gracefully.

I grimaced, afraid to move in case it got worse. "I should be asking you that. What's wrong?" I tried to sound as normal as possible – my usual concerned self.

"That. That's what's wrong." She pointed behind me, a surprising amount of disgust in her leer.

Turning, I saw she was pointing to Don Everly's training crate. "Oh… right. You missed this part –"

"What part is that, Edward? The part where you locked up my puppy? Was he in a cage the whole time I was gone? Is this because of that first day when you were at work? He made a mess, so you jailed him?"

Her passion in regards to this took me by complete surprise. She stormed over to examine it. I wanted to follow, I truly did, but only one leg was willing to move. "It's not like that, I swear. This is Emmett's suggestion –"

"Emmett? No way! He's such a dog lover, I can't believe he'd put my puppy in a cage!"

"It's not a cage, Bella!" I sounded harsher than I'd intended, but there was little else I could do. I couldn't move to soothe her the way I wanted to, with a hug and a gentle explanation. Plus, she was fuming and didn't seem to be ready to hear what I had to say. "It's a training crate. And for your information, I was against it when Emmett first suggested it as well. But he knows more about this stuff, and he was right. He was right, Bella."

Her hands covered her face. I couldn't tell if she was so disgusted with me she couldn't even look at me, or if she felt the same shame I did over an argument our first night home.

"Don's perfectly happy in there, Bella. I promise. He was so lonely without you, I wouldn't have made it worse for him by locking him up in a place he hated. He has his bed in there and his favourite toys. Food, water. All of his comfort things. I think he feels safe in there, not punished."

Bella was trying to control her tears and anger. Trying to understand and hear me. She nodded silently.

"I don't know what happened to him in his life before us, but I would never take him to a place that reminded him of bad things," I explained gently. "I have all these horrible thoughts of how he was abused. Abandoned. I wonder if he had siblings with him, and if they suffered too. Or was he all alone? Did he have his mother with him at all, or did she leave him? Did he see her die? I just want him to feel safe and loved."

"Oh my god. I'm such a shit." Bella wiped at her tears angrily. This time, the anger was directed towards herself rather than me. "God, I should know that you'd think of all those things. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you think of it again." Thankfully, she came to me for the soothing hug. I still didn't risk moving. "I know that whatever happened to Don's doggy family, he knows he's loved by his new family. He looks so happy." Bella moved to my side so we could both watch him chase his tail in the kitchen. He loved the sound his nails made on the tiles and kept spinning faster and faster, drawing a laugh from both of us.

"You're still upset with me," Bella said quietly as she rested her head on my shoulder. "You haven't moved. And you're so quiet."

"I'm not upset."

"Something's wrong. Did I put you off? Was I too assertive earlier, is that it?"

Too assertive? I choked back a laugh as I shook my head. "No, Bella. That's not it."

"Just tell me, then! You said we'd share everything, but you're already holding back. I can tell there's something wrong."

"My ass." The words spewed from me as a sweat formed on my brow. The muscle had completely seized up, and it was torturous. "I pulled a muscle, I think. Hamstring maybe. I dunno. It feels like one ass cheek is on fire, and I don't want to cry in front of you, but I'm dangerously close." I let out a bashful chuckle rather than the sob that would have come out had I been alone.

"From holding me that way so long?" She didn't laugh with me, instead she started putting blame on herself.

I shook my head. "It's probably from being in the car for days. Not getting my runs in. Any number of things. None of what I've done for the past week is my normal routine. My ass is now registering a complaint, that's all. A strong one."

"You should lie down. Can you make it to the bedroom? Or even the couch?" She tucked her arm around my waist, acting as a third leg for me as we began our way towards the bedroom. I knew once I was down, I would not be getting back up. Not only was I sore, but also exhausted.

I cringed and whimpered as Bella helped me ease my jeans down, then I collapsed back onto the bed.

"Oh my god… this is good. My own bed. Heaven."

"What can we do for the pain? Ice? Heat? It's better to start treatment right away, isn't it?"

"Um… yeah. RICE."

"Rice? What, in a bag or something? Uncooked?"

I snickered, trying not to allow my whole body to shake.

"Or do you mean you're hungry. Edward, I know nothing about this, you've got to help me."

"RICE – it's a treatment plan," I explained. "Rest. Ice… And uh… that's all I need right now."

"I'm on it." She dashed from the room, returning before I could even attempt to shimmy my way into bed properly. I was still sprawled across it, just as I'd fallen onto it. "I've got peas."

"Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold…" I sang out the beginning of the silly rhyme I recalled from childhood.

"Peas porridge on your ass, five days old. Roll over."

"Bellaaaa," I murmured with a grin as she leaned over me. "I just love you."

She gave me a soft kiss, running her hand through my hair. "I love you and your accident-prone ways and your silly outbursts and your emergency treatment knowledge. Which side? Right or left?"

I pointed to my right cheek, and she helped me roll onto my stomach. I felt her spreading a towel across my leg, and coolness followed.

"Is this the right spot?"

"Higher." The coolness moved up my thigh. "Higher."

Bella leaned over me, kissing my cheek. "You just want me to touch your ass."

"Yeah, but that's beside the point. It's not my hamstring. It's my ass. Just my ass. And you can laugh now, I know you want to. My butt cheek knows you want to."

She did, and it hit me that I would literally throw myself down a flight of stairs if it would make her laugh. If her tears ripped a whole in my heart, the sound of her laughter mended it. She sat with me, stroking my hair while we iced the injury for the required twenty minutes. I could have fallen asleep with the soothing touch of her hand, but I was jolted by an onslaught of wet, slobbering doggy kisses followed by the Bella's sweet laughter.

"Oh, Don Everly, you love Edward as much as I do, don't you?"

"And yet, you're not licking my jaw," I remarked teasingly.

"Not at the moment." She spoke softly by my ear, her sultry voice full of promises. "I don't want Don's leftovers."

"If I could stand, I'd go shower. Remove his contamination."

"If you could stand, you wouldn't be about to receive a butt massage."

My head lifted in interest. "Yeah?"

She closed one eye in thought. "Actually, you'd probably still get the massage, just not limited to your butt."

"Oh boy…"

"I am rather enamored with your butt, though."

"Yeah?" I squeaked, receiving a soft giggle from the girl with magical fingers working her way towards my half-frozen rump.

"But I have to say, you had no right mocking your brother's hairy ass the other day."

"Sorry?"

"You said that you hoped Emily didn't get her father's hairy ass," she reminded me.

"Oh. Right." Was she really going to defend Jasper against my jokes?

"Your own isn't exactly baby-like."

I gulped as she slid a finger inside the waistband of my boxers, tickling bare flesh. "How do you know?"

"The shower, remember?"

"You got that good a look at my ass? Really?"

"I got a look at everything, Edward. It's etched in my brain. Trust."

The corner of my mouth lifted with amusement and a sense of smugness. "Ah, one of the perks of 20/20 vision."

"And total recall. I don't have that ability for anyone or anything, aside from you."

"Is that right?"

"Mmm-hmm." Every fingertip from her right hand was now on bare flesh. "Mmm… soft."

"I don't think a man's butt is supposed to be soft," I quipped.

"Yours is. And believe me, it's not a bad thing. It's soft on top – the fine hair – but firm underneath." Her full hand slipped in to knead the cheek with loving care. If I'd known this would happen, I would have ripped an ass muscle much sooner. "You should take these off."

"You just want to see my ass again."

She threw one leg over me, holding herself above my body as she whispered into my ear. "I want to see your ass every day for the rest of my life, but right now, I just want to take care of you so you can mend and be ready for me."

Of all the injuries throughout my life, I willed this one to be the quickest healing. With any luck at all, Bella's magical fingers would heal me overnight.

~ 0 ~

The healing process was slow but pleasurable. I hobbled back and forth to work over the next week with much mocking from my co-workers. It was endurable because before and after every shift, I was treated to a butt massage. Some more stimulating than others. I found 'girlfriend Bella' to be just as playful as 'friend Bella', but more adventurous than I'd ever imagined. She was also very comfortable with nudity, as displayed with her 'bare back massage'. It was still a butt massage, but I was stripped naked, as was she. She rode my bare back while performing her healing ritual on me. It was the most the most erotic thing I'd ever experienced. Judging by the flush of her skin afterwards, I would say she found it quite sensual as well.

"Bad news," she murmured after the night's rub-down. She was nestled against my side, wearing one of my shirts and a pair of the only panties Don hadn't run off with. We were finding them everywhere in the apartment, much to Bella's dismay. I rather liked it since it meant she'd gone panty-less a couple of nights.

"I don't want it," I retorted. "We're only having good news from now on."

"Okay, let's see how I can spin this." She laughed softly against my neck, causing me to shiver. She now knew those shivers weren't chills, but my response to being easily stimulated in the neck region. And when she'd nibble on my jaw, it just about made me insane with need. "We have more time to let your butt heal."

I pondered this puzzle only briefly before giving up. "Okay. I have no idea what that means."

"Well, I wouldn't want you to re-strain that particular muscle. It should be completely healed before you attempt anything vigorous."

"Vigorous? Such as…?"

She hummed against my neck, giggling as my whole body trembled. "Thrusting," she whispered against my ear.

"Thrusting, you say?" I couldn't hide my shit-eating grin if I tried.

"Thrusting. Vigorous, repeated thrusting."

"Interesting." I slipped my hand inside the back of her shirt and drew light circles with my fingertips – the equivalent of her breathing against my neck. "What's wrong, Bella?" I teased when she squirmed against me.

"You know what's wrong. Don't tease me."

"You began this little game, taunting me with thrusts."

"Say it again."

"You began this –"

Placing her finger on my mouth, she shushed me. "Not that part. The last part."

"Taunting?" I teased.

"You so are."

I bent my neck for access to her ear and whispered in a throaty voice, "Thrusts? Thrusting? Repeated thrusting?"

"Oh, yes please!"

We both broke into laughter and took a few moments to regulate our pulses and air flow. "Okay, I'd better have it. What's your news?"

"My doctor had to cancel my appointment."

"Oh. You're feeling all right though, aren't you? Do you need to see him right away?"

"Edward…" She lifted herself up onto one elbow so she could stare down at me. "My six-week check-up is postponed. The clearance for…"

"Ohhhh!" _That_ check-up. "Shit. That is bad news." Seriously shitty news. Bella was not at all on the let's-take-this-slow page of the beginning of a relationship user's manual. Every day, she seemed to push it a little further and it was really testing my willpower. "What do you say about skipping ahead to chapter four? Maybe even five?"

She shook her head, making the cutest confused face I'd ever seen. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"I'm trying to spin this, Bella, stay with me."

"Okay," she relented with a snicker.

"In the User's Guide to Dating, we would actually, you know… date, before we lived together. Shared a bed. Wore each other's clothing."

"You have a book about it?"

"In my head, yeah."

"Of course."

I waited for her to stop giggling at me. She sounded like a love-sick teenager. Or drunk. Or just incredibly happy. "Anyway, since you seem hell-bent on skipping by some of the fundamentals, I propose we just toss the book."

"The imaginary book?"

"Whatever."

"How does one toss an imaginary book?"

I clenched my eyes shut and jerked my head to the side. "Just like that. Gone."

"Now I'm concerned. Do you know what to do without this book?"

I smirked at her. "I have it memorized."

"You would," she retorted with narrowed eyes and a sly grin of her own. "So what's chapter four?"

"Manual stimulation."

She gulped, her face reddening. "Wow."

"It could be. I'm a bit out of practice though, so it may more of a _whoa_. Also, there can't be penetration, so it might be tricky finding my way around your special button for the first time."

"My special button?"

"The special button of your lady bits," I replied, knowing the reaction I'd get.

"Never…" Her toes grabbed hold of my calf before I could pull away. She was damned fast.

"I know…" I said with a deep laugh as she pinched me. "I'm never to say either of those again, right?"

"Never. I mean it."

"You prefer visual over audio?"

Her bottom lip disappeared in her mouth as she examined my face for signs of teasing. She didn't say no, so I took that as my cue and hitched her leg over mine as I went in for the starter kiss. We always began very soft and loving, almost as though each one was our very first kiss. We both seemed to take enjoyment in the tender kisses, so neither of us rushed it even though when one of us would make a move to deepen the kiss that was also rapidly accepted. This time, we were still doing tender when she pressed her hips against mine. My lungs drained themselves of any air and for several moments, I didn't even need oxygen to exist. I only needed this woman pressed against me, and her full lips and soft fingertips that were twisting in my hair.

"You're jumping ahead again," I panted. "That's not until chapter six."

"What, premature ejaculation? It has its own chapter?"

This woman cracked me up. I smiled at the proud look on her face for coming out with a good one-liner at this moment. "God, I love you."

"What chapter is that?" she asked in a more serious manner.

"It's a whole book on its own – titled, 'Bella.'"

"Awww!" She gazed at me lovingly, tracing my jawline with her fingers. "What chapter are blow-jobs in?"

My eyes widened, and I had to bite the inside of my cheek so as not to look like a clown on crack. Of course I was dying to experience that with her, but that wasn't what I had set out for when I started this. "Later." My voice squeaked, of course. She didn't laugh.

"You've been so good to me, Edward. Always. I want to do something for you. I want to make you feel good."

"You first."

"Edward… it could be weird. It might take a while. It's been… a long time."

"See now, it's just the opposite for me. While it's been a long time, it definitely wouldn't take long on my end of it."

"Ah, clever. Your own premature ejaculation joke."

"Yours was better, admittedly."

"Thank you."

"You can say that again later. After I've figured out how you work down there."

"Hours from now?" She smirked at me in a sad way. "Are you prepared to be that dedicated to the cause?"

"Oh, I'm nothing if not dedicated."

A sweet, lingering kiss was placed on my lips. "You are _everything_. And dedicated. And I love you."

She certainly surprised me, but I believe she even shocked herself when after only a few minutes of heavy petting outside her panties, something caused her to scream out an obscenity and hastily rid herself of the thin fabric that was in the way. The t-shirt was quick to follow the path to the floor.

"Jesus, Edward… you have no idea how good this feels. So much better than –"

Better than what? Or whom? Pleading with my brain to let my body have its fun, I shut down all thoughts of her last sexual partner. I was with her now and that's all that mattered. I had my fingers curled to avoid the natural urge to delve inside her, but they were working a steady rhythm around her highly sensitive core. I alternated passion-filled kisses with tender nips along her shoulders. Eventually, I licked a path down between her breasts, stopping to get her approval before attempting any titty play. I didn't know how she'd feel about that with the whole situation about drying up. She stared at me intently as I silently asked permission. Her hips moved steadily against my hand. The rocking motion made her tits jiggle so enticingly. I was salivating at the mere thought of them being so near to my mouth.

Just when I thought she wanted to reject the idea, but didn't know how to tell me so, her hand went to the back of my head, grasping a handful of hair and urging me forward. As we were on our sides, facing each other, I took what was readily available to me – her left breast. Her beautifully rounded breast. So perfectly white and topped with a pert, pink nipple. I first licked a trail around the fullest part of it, then up to where her cleavage would be. I turned slightly to give her right breast an appreciative kiss for its beauty as well before turning back to my prize.

Her chest was heaving, her hips grinding. The prize was bopping around, luring me in. _Come on, big boy. Catch me if you can. _I made the same journey back to my starting point with kisses rather than tongue, but let my nose nuzzle against the pink bud. The cherry on the sundae. Fuck… if only I had whipped cream.

I darted my tongue out, letting it barely nip against her as she moved. It elicited a throaty moan from her that drove me crazy with lust. I had to have them. Not just the one that was calling to me – I needed the full set. Gently, but with definite urgency, I flipped her onto her back, taking a full breast in each hand as I admired them. My freakishly long fingers wrapped them and met up with my thumbs, making her tits look like they were framed in my hands. Flesh-coloured frames for the world's best art – Bella's boobs.

"My god, you're beautiful," I whispered in awe. My large hands made her look tiny, yet her flesh still spilled out over my thumbs. I applied light pressure to draw them upwards, admiring the fullness of them in my hands. I began kneading them, ever so gently. I'd never touched a woman's breasts who'd nursed. I had no idea if it would hurt, but I recalled my mother asking her if they were tender. By the way Bella reacted, they were still tender, but in a very good way.

Her hips lurched, legs bent, and I was shocked to see her own hand fly to her crotch. I muttered incoherent thoughts surrounded by obscene words, watching her hand frantically working at her pussy while I lapped at one cherry, then the other.

I eased off her breasts, thinking I'd hurt her when she grabbed my hand and pulled it away. Quickly, I realized it had nothing to do with hurting her. She simply needed it to be elsewhere. I allowed her to put it where she wanted it and let out a hiss as she placed her tiny hand over mine, guiding me to work her flesh in just the right way. My girl knew what she liked and she wasn't afraid to show me. It was the hottest fucking thing ever. My own erection was buried in my boxers, and I could feel the resentment oozing from it. It felt neglected. Left out of the fun. I sent a brain signal down to remind the big guy to behave. Be patient. This was about Bella, not us. It reminded me that I'd just taken her tits as _I'd_ wanted. I couldn't argue. I also couldn't stop it from poking its head out of the waistband for a look of its own. It seemed to make it happier.

The moonlight poured into the room, illuminating the sheen of sweat on Bella's porcelain skin. She had wet strands of hair stuck to her forehead, and she was chomping down on her lip as ethereal whimpers of desire spilled from her. Her back was arched, her knees bent and feet flat on the mattress, holding her pussy up high and proud. My prized titties followed gravity, bouncing towards her chin as she bucked against my palm.

"Fuck… Edward…"

"That's it, baby. Keep it coming," I encouraged her softly, hearing frustration in her voice.

"Fuck! Don't stop!" She bucked wildly, pressing my hand so hard I could barely manoeuver it. My thumb, however, found its way free and flicked against her in such a way that drew out a short, sharp cry as she added her other hand to the pile. "Don't stop… please. Don't. Stop," she cried out in pants.

My mouth was dying to get in on the action. I debated my options: stay where I could enjoy the view – because truly, it was beyond anything my imagination had ever cooked up – or boldly dive in before she reached the finish line. I debated just a moment too long. Her long legs stiffened, small but mighty hands gripped my hand which gripped her mound, and her head rolled back and forth as she whimpered and laughed, hiccupped and moaned, followed by a strong declaration: "Holy FUCK! That was hot."

She didn't have to tell me. My erection nodded in agreement.

Nodded?

Yes, it was more than a twitch, it was a nod. I peeked down to see what the hell it was doing. It appeared to be self-pleasuring against the elastic of my boxers. I swear it winked at me before spewing across my stomach.

Bella choked on a laugh, catching the last scene of its act. Covering her mouth to prevent more laughter, she managed to get an apology out. It didn't matter. I was already laughing. And breathing heavily. Sweating. And completely in love.

"You don't even need to be touched?"

"Like I said, it wouldn't take long for me."

"Oh my…"

"I swear it gets better," I quickly added, chuckling nervously. "It has better control of itself in action. Being on the sidelines as it was, it just wanted to try to steal the show."

"It worked," she said with a laugh as she wiped the goop from my stomach with the discarded shirt she'd yanked off.

"Not even close. Bella, that was the show of a lifetime." I grinned euphorically. "God, if that's only chapter four, you'll kill me by the ending."

"How does it end, this book of yours?"

I pulled her down onto my chest, letting her boobs flatten against me. "The best way possible. Just wait and see."

"Don't die on me," she whispered, stroking my cheek. "I can't live without you."

"I'm not going anywhere. And neither are you. The book is our story and we have to see it through."

Happily, she nestled into me once more. "I'm not getting dressed, by the way. You okay with that?"

"If you even attempted to put that shirt back on, full of my ejaculate, I'd have to toss you out."

"Seriously? You'd toss me out for that?"

I pretended to think on that while she stared at me in anticipation. "Bella, if your breasts had to be covered, I'd much rather they be covered with my mouth, hands, or a large serving of whipped cream than my come-filled shirt."

"Ooooh, dirty-talker!" Her delightful laugh filled the room. I didn't bother responding with, 'You should talk… please.' It was implied by my spontaneous outburst down below.

As I felt her breathing slow against my chest, I remained awake for a good hour or more, stroking her hair and thinking of how uncomfortable that whole scene would have been for me with anyone else. Not that I didn't enjoy sex of any kind, but the first encounters were always filled with awkwardness for me. A little hint of my old self wondering if I'd be good enough. Wondering if I'd make an ass of myself. Wondering if I'd make a baby that would kill the woman lying beside me.

That could never happen. Not with Bella.

Never.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ In light of the recent events that spawned animated discussion amongst friends, a couple of them asked me if I'd keep writing. I'm sure that was discussed between many people - writers and readers alike. So I'm bringing a similar question to all of you: Will you stop reading B/E fanfics now? Or will you read more because fantasy is always so much better than RL anyway? Do you even picture K/R as the characters when you read? Is anyone put off writing themselves? As I responded myself, I still plan to keep at it (time willing!), but what say you? Will there still be readers out there? _Hello...? Hello? Is this thing on?

;)

_I don't want to open a sensitive topic for bashing and the like, out of respect for the real people. My heart goes out to them for having their most private ordeal dragged out in public. I'm really just interested in knowing if this fandom is affected by the stir. I'd appreciate your thoughts. And thanks for reading this far. ;) XX ~ SR_


	31. Chapter 30

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 30**

Bella and Don were waiting outside when I left work the next day. Don spotted me first and nearly hauled Bella off her feet when he ran towards me. Apparently he had done several laps around her legs before I'd appeared, tangling her in his leash. I raced towards them before he could pull her over.

"This guy is gonna be a powerhouse when he's fully grown," I commented as she grasped my arm to steady herself, climbing out of the leash loops.

"Hopefully he won't be so excitable, then."

"Are you all right with him at home? Is he behaving?" I'd been so pleased with my rash decision to get Bella a puppy when she was so thrilled about him. Now, I was wondering if he was causing her too much grief, but she was too polite to say anything. That worry was dashed when I saw her watching him with adoration as he tugged on my pant leg with his teeth.

"Sure. He's just really happy to see you. I am, too." Standing on her toes, she planted a kiss on my lips. "He's great company for me when you're at work. He's funny to watch. He falls asleep so easily." She snickered softly. "I took him for a long walk this morning to burn off some energy –"

"Yours or his?" I asked with a coy grin.

"Both. He fell asleep eating when we came home. Too cute – he was planked on his belly, ear hanging in his food dish. Emmett did a great job with the crate training. It's amazing he was able to do that. I had no problem showering today."

That was the first I'd heard of that issue. "It's normally a problem?"

She pulled a freaked out face. "He's a perv, Edward. He watches me in the shower. If I don't leave the door open, he howls the entire time I'm in there. But if I let him in, he hangs his head over the edge of the tub, watching me the whole time. It's just not right."

"He's a dog," I countered with a laugh. "I don't think he watches for the same reason I would."

"It's still weird. I'm not used to any sort of audience. He played in his crate while I showered today. It was so good to not have to rush through it. Rose and Nathan dropped by at lunch for a visit. He's good with the baby." She turned her attention on the dog. "Aren't you, Don Everly? You love Nathan, don't you?"

I'm sure he had no clue what she was saying, but he loved the attention from her – both the verbal praise and the ear rubbing he was getting. He peed a little.

"Is my sister doing better now? She says she's over her phase of insecurity, but is she really?"

Bella looped her arm through mine, leaning into me as we started walking towards our building. "She loves you so much, Edward. You're really lucky to have siblings that care about you the way they do. Rose told me that she said she would give Nathan up for you." Her voice was soft and laden with concern. "But I know you'd never do that to them."

"I wouldn't do that to Nathan," I added. "Bella, I'm even clueless with puppy care. How the hell would I take care of a baby?"

"You'd find a way. It's a moot point anyway, and I just want to put that all behind us and let Nathan be our godson."

"And nephew."

"And occasional houseguest… Rose asked if we could watch him for a couple of hours on the weekend."

I didn't hesitate with my agreement. I was actually looking forward to spending some time with him again. It would be much smoother babysitting with Bella there.

"Don't worry. I'll do the diapers," she teased with a laugh. "Have you talked to your mom since we got home?"

The sudden topic change threw me for a moment. "Why? Something wrong?"

"You should call her."

I halted outside our building. "Bella, what's the deal?" It wasn't unusual for me to not speak with my mother for a week or two at a time. Other times, we talked every day. My mother had never been shy about calling me up when she needed some mother/son time because she was feeling the weight of her empty nest, so this seemed strange.

"We should talk upstairs."

"That bad?" My chest began to tighten.

"Or maybe I should just say it now while I have your full attention."

I nodded stiffly.

"I understand why you tune out sometimes, Edward, but there are sometimes I really wish you wouldn't."

"I'm paying attention," I said defensively. "What?"

"I don't mean now. I'm referring to when you made your mental escape at your parents' house. When Esme and I were talking about breastfeeding."

I coughed to clear my lungs as they began to feel even more constricted. "Jesus. I thought all talk of breastfeeding was done." I was wringing my hands, shifting from foot to foot, and looking for anything to distract myself from the unpleasant fluttering it always left in my stomach.

"It's not about breastfeeding. Well, it sort of is, but not entirely. It's not about _my_ breast milk anyway."

Sighing, I frowned at her. "Just get it over with."

"Your mom told me it happened to her after she got the twins home – the drying up. Too much stress."

"Okay… why should I be talking to her about this?" If I didn't like thinking of my girlfriend with milky boobs, I absolutely did not want to think of my mother that way.

"Because, Edward, I don't think your habit of taking on unjustified guilt is in your DNA. I think that's learned behaviour – from your mom."

"Bella, having three infants to care for is stressful. I'm sure she was exhausted. So, what… she felt guilty about needing sleep? And she's kept that with her all these years?" I grinned crookedly. Women had such a way of making the littlest thing into a huge drama.

"Do you know why she overfed you in your 'fat years' as you call them?"

"Yeah. 'Cause I was a scrawny fucker until then."

She shook her head, frowning. "It was to compensate for not being there for you those first months when she was hospitalized."

I snorted my disapproval. "That's ridiculous."

"Not to a woman like Esme," she argued. "It tore her apart not being with you every minute right from birth. Can you imagine Rosalie being away from Nathan for more than an hour or two? Honestly?"

Giving it serious thought, I shook my head. "No. I guess not. It didn't hurt me, though. I had Dad. And the nanny. And Dad took me to see her every day. I don't even remember it, Bella. I was a baby! Obviously, it didn't matter."

"It mattered to her. _You_ mattered to her. She felt like she let you down. And don't you even scoff at that, Edward. I'm serious." The scowl on her face that accompanied the warning stopped me mid-huff. "You don't understand women."

"Obviously."

"For years, she felt like you were smaller and quiet and generally uncomfortable because of those first months of missed bonding."

I had to sigh. I did it with a little smile however, so as not to rile up my girlfriend who happened to be one of those women I didn't understand. "That seems so unbelievable to me, because my mom and I are close. We've always had a different kind of bond, a special thing between us. Whatever she wasn't able to do in those first months, she certainly made up for it later on."

"She dried up, couldn't feed the twins because she felt guilty not being able to feed all three of you."

"What the fuck?" Of all things womanly that I could never comprehend, this had to be the biggest.

"Edward, it's a mother thing. A _new_ mother thing, in particular. I really wish you had heard her yourself, speaking of how all three of you were so special. She wanted each of you to have the exact same things, but in your own way, you know? Special time with each baby and mom."

"Okay… and she couldn't do that without having a boob out?"

I received Bella's unimpressed face.

"Sorry. I just don't get it at all I suppose. Why couldn't she just give me a bottle?"

"It didn't work like that for her. She said that once her milk was in, every time she held you, it started –"

"No-n-n-noooo." I waved my hands emphatically, cutting her off. Mom, plus me as a baby, plus leaking… no. Just no. I did not want to go there in my head.

"Okay, you get the picture. You wouldn't nurse. You'd already become accustomed to the bottle. And if she fed you by bottle, there wouldn't be enough milk to feed both twins because of the natural flow during feeding time."

I shook my head. "I don't even _want_ to understand all of that. It's a good thing I went to another world during that conversation there. I would have died hearing her talk about all that. Oh my god, you don't want me to call her and talk about it now, do you?"

"No!" Bella followed her exclamation with a chuckle. "God, no. I think that would be the most uncomfortable conversation ever. For both of you. I just think you should show her a little more love right now."

"She knows what she means to me."

Bella's warm smile was back. "I know that. But sometimes women need some extra effort. I know you're not completely ignorant about these things. I see how you're different with your sister than you are with Jasper. There were always just small, tender things you'd do for her that you wouldn't even think of doing with your brother. That's what I'm talking about doing with your mom now."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do."

"I don't!" I exclaimed with a laugh. "My brother and sister are the same to me."

"So you'd beat up four guys for saying something about Jazz?" Her arms were folded across her chest, and her left eyebrow was defiantly lifted.

"No," I relented. "No. I wouldn't have. Okay… I guess I know what you're talking about. I should call my mom more often. Let her know that I love her. Is that it?"

Bella's eyes drifted away, following Don as he paced back and forth, looking for a pee spot. Her bottom lip was sucked in, so I knew she wasn't done. And as I wasn't nearly as stupid as I liked to pretend to be in regards to women's emotions, I assumed the three-way cry at Emmett and Rose's house was a follow-up.

"I spoke with Aro today."

That, I wasn't expecting. "Let's let Don finish up here and go upstairs."

~ 0 ~

"Social or professional – your chat with Aro?" I'd waited until after dinner to resume our talk, but I didn't want to let it go longer than that.

"Both, I guess." Bella curled her legs up as she sat on the couch. Don Everly was beside her, chewing on a toy bone that sounded like a duck. Alice's creation lay beside him, soggy and a little deformed. He dragged the doll around with him as a child would tote a favourite blanket. It was never far from him.

"Are you okay? You've seemed better since we got back to Port Angeles. You haven't said anything about feeling down. Please don't shut me out now, Bella."

She smiled at me, reaching out to give my hand a squeeze as I sat on the other side of Don. "I needed some advice, that's all."

"Well, Aro's good for that. Generally." I still didn't completely agree with his advice about sharing her sexual history – or lack thereof aside from Jasper.

"Esme shared something that I wasn't sure about telling you. I don't want you to take on more guilty feelings that aren't yours to take."

I smirked at her affectionately. "You should talk, young lady."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We worked a little on my own misplaced guilt, too. Do you want to know about that?"

"Only if you feel you want to tell me. Bella, I don't have to know everything that goes on in therapy. That's the point of having a therapist. You can say things that you wouldn't say to anyone else. It's a dumping ground for shit you need to get out and still feel safe."

"I feel safe with you," she commented softly.

"I know. I'm just saying that I understand how therapy works. Believe me, I understand. You can share it with me, or not. I'm fine with it either way. Just as long as you're feeling secure and optimistic, really, that's all I care about."

She nodded, absent-mindedly stroking Don Everly. "When Rosalie was so emotional that day we came back, I suggested she talk to Esme about her feelings. Esme's been there – a newly adoptive mom."

"So you Skype'd her and had a festival of tears."

"Something like that." Bella smiled at my attempt to keep the tone light.

"It's funny how many things are alike with our situations. Different, yet alike."

I slid over so I could reach Bella across from Don. I ran my fingers through her hair before settling on the back of her neck. "Such as?"

"Elizabeth… your mother… well, she was to Esme and Carlisle what I was to Gianna and Marcus. It kind of made me feel pig-headed about not accepting their gift gracefully. I mean, if the reverse happened to Esme and Carlisle – God forbid – I think they would have given Elizabeth all that they had, too."

"Are you taking back all your gifts?" I joked lightly.

"No, of course not." She chuckled, smiling at me appreciatively. "I'm just in a place right now where I'm not so anxious to rid myself of everything."

"Well that's good, right? This is a good thing. So why does it upset you?"

"It doesn't – that part is good. Esme really helped me see that accepting the inheritance isn't a buy-out. And it isn't me taking everything they had and running with it. They'll always be part of my life. Every time I look at Nathan, I still see them."

"Honey… I'm sorry. I hadn't even thought about that."

"It's okay," she assured me firmly. "It's getting to the point where he's just Nathan, not Gianna and Marcus' baby. Esme also helped me see that a world of good has come out of tragedy. It's not that I didn't know that before. Emmett is great with putting things into perspective that way for me. But Esme, well she's kind of neutral and yet bipartisan, if that makes sense. She knows the loss and the gain from personal experience."

I'd be lying if I said that didn't hit me hard. Did I remind Esme of her loss every time she held me as a baby?

"See? I can tell by your face that you're thinking you somehow made Esme feel bad. That's what you're doing, right? That's why I wanted Aro's opinion on this."

The brief pang of guilt was eased with Bella's astute ability to know me and my malfunctioning brain so well. "This is why I love you so much, you know. I'll try not to be selfish about this. I know you're trying to share my mom's side of her ordeal."

"It's not being selfish, Edward," she commented gently. "Your heart just can't let someone else's grief be only their own. Somehow, you make it yours, and it doesn't have to be. I want you to really try to put yourself in Esme's shoes right now. I know you're not a woman, and you're not desperate for a child, but just think of her heart. You know it so well."

I nodded, clearing my head of destructive thoughts. In between me and the love of my life, our puppy began to snore. "We've bored him."

"Told you he just nods off without warning." The love in Bella's eyes shone as she ran her hand over the sleeping dog's head. "So adorable."

"I'm in my mother's shoes, by the way. Hope that doesn't push me towards a life of cross dressing."

"I just hope you chose flats. Heels are hell to begin with, and you're not the most graceful person."

I had to go in for a kiss. It's what I'd wanted to do every time she made me feel world's better by joking with me as teenagers. Now, I finally could.

"I'm going to use their names, okay? Because they're both your mom, and I don't want it to be confusing." She waited for my nod of confirmation before continuing. "When Esme and Carlisle took her in, Elizabeth put her full trust in them. Esme told us she'd had a difficult upbringing. Elizabeth never felt she could rely on her parents, and when she started getting in trouble and ended up pregnant, they proved it by tossing her out of their home. The home you grew up in was a safe haven for her. Naturally, she felt it was the best thing for you to have them as your parents.

"Esme would have done the same for her, even if Elizabeth hadn't asked them to adopt you. The more she opened up with them, the more they grew to love her. The day you were born was both the best and worst day of Esme's life. I'm sure Carlisle felt the same, but I'm speaking from a new mother's perspective. Plus, Esme was also an expectant mother. Her hormones were going nuts, and she took everything so much harder. In one moment, she had the baby boy of her dreams – you. A perfect little boy given to her by a young woman she adored. The next moment, that girl was gone."

Bella paused when my eyes misted up. "I'm fine," I advised, not entirely truthfully. "Go on."

"She didn't have the chance to fully feel the emotions of either event before yet another thing was thrown at her."

"Her twins," I said quietly.

"I can relate. We were both hospitalized after the loss, and both of us had unborn babies to consider. Neither of us had the opportunity to attend funerals, and find any closure to the sudden loss. And both of us were afraid to give into our grief in case the babies suffered. But Esme had another burden."

"Me."

"No. Not you. Never you." Bella teared up along with me. She took my hand and squeezed it lovingly. "You were the only light for her in those days. When Carlisle would bring you to her in the hospital, it was the only time each day that she felt she could breathe. You weren't her burden, Edward – her feelings of guilt were. Elizabeth's pregnancy was fairly high risk. She was so young, and her early months were full of stress and poor living conditions. She should have been in the hospital when she was nearing her due date. Esme wanted her to feel as secure as she possibly could, so she agreed to care for her at home rather than admitting her."

"She blamed herself for my mother dying on the way to the hospital," I surmised. "Shit. There's no way she could have known that would happen. It was a fluke. The storm. The downed tree. Elizabeth's age and poor health – none of it was Mom's fault. She didn't ask Elizabeth to have me for them. She was merely trying to make something good happen for all. It wasn't her fault."

Bella eased off the couch, careful not to disturb Don Everly. She knelt in front of me, taking both of my hands in hers. "Edward, it was no more your fault than Esme's, do you see that? Do you see how senseless is it to live with the guilt of something you had no power over?"

My temples began to throb. My airways had already seized up as the familiar load of rocks settled in my chest. I looked away, staring at a distant spot on the wall. Anything to avoid Bella's eyes.

"Breathe, sweetie," she reminded me in a whisper. "Just breathe."

A tear fell onto my lap. I don't know if it was mine or Bella's. It hit with such force that it drew my attention away from the wall. I stared at the wet drop on my leg, inches from where my hands rested. Hands that had other hands – tiny ones – wrapped protectively around them. Gasping, I tried to fill my lungs with the oxygen they needed. It wasn't working. My lungs refused to accept anything I tried to offer, and I began to panic.

The hands that held mine so caringly released them and moved upwards. One held my cheek while the other ran through my hair. "It's okay, Edward. I'm here. You're okay. We're okay here." Her voice was soft but sure. I could feel the certainty she was expressing.

I would be okay.

If only I could breathe.

If only I didn't want to cry. Scream. Punch a fucking hole through the side of that damned ambulance that took my mother's life. The ambulance that took her from me. And took her from my parents. That fucking ambulance. I hated that fucking ambulance.

I felt the hot tears coursing down my cheeks. They burned and yet it felt as though they were draining the poison from the very core of my pain. I attempted to draw in another breath unsuccessfully. My stomach heaved, and a loud sob caught in my throat. If I didn't feel it, I would have thought someone else was weeping. It didn't sound like me. It couldn't be me. I hadn't cried like this for years. Almost a decade. Those tears hadn't been for the loss of my birth mother but for the other half of myself – Bella. The person who made me feel normal. Wanted. Understood.

That person was in front of me. Her fingers massaging my scalp, stroking my cheek. Whispering soothing words and encouraging me to let it out and breathe.

_Breathe._

This attempt was successful, and suddenly my lungs couldn't get enough of the offering. I was near hyperventilating. The damned tears kept coming, unrelenting. My head begged my body to cooperate. To give me a fucking break on this. Cry later. Breathe now. Or just quit crying altogether. It was over. It was long over. And there was nothing I could do about it. There was nothing I could have done to prevent it. Nothing anyone could have done. Certainly not Mom.

I sucked in a deep breath as a wave of sobs overtook me. These were tears for my mother. Not my birth mother, but the one who'd raised me. They didn't burn – they felt cleansing. All these years, she had been suffering with needless guilt. Putting her own life on hold to tend to me and everything I could possibly need. Needs that were never ending. Needs that kept her from enjoying the miracle of the twins? No. She'd had that. That was the reason she'd been able to function. That had given her the lift in spirits to be able to cope with me. Had she mourned yet? Truly mourned her loss without the burden of guilt? I somehow doubted it.

It was something I hadn't done myself.

The thoughts quieted as my sobbing did. The only sound in the otherwise silent world was a whimpering. An insistent whimpering. Bella?

I finally dared to look at her. Her cheeks were tear-stained as well, but she smiled at me encouragingly. "Don Everly's worried about you."

Sure enough, I'd woken the little snorer. He was currently staring at me in wonder. His sad puppy eyes begging me to knock it off. I was scaring him. Worrying him. He covered my face with sloppy doggy kisses as I hugged him for dear life. I had to give this shit up. I couldn't spend the rest of my life carrying the weight of my birth. Bella and Don Everly were relying on me. Not to mention my godson. If Nathan ever had a moment where he questioned his part in his biological parents' death, he would need a guide. I had to be the man I should be – a well-adjusted man who'd suffered tragedy and blessings. In fact, there were many blessings that far outweighed the one tragedy. In that moment I knew that Nathan would be the child I should have been. The blessed child, not the tormented one. And I would be the man both of my mothers dreamed I would be.

~ 0 ~

"Hi, Mom. What's up with your beautiful self?"

"Oh boy. You want something. Or you did something bad. Which is it?" My mother teased me when I called her that night.

"Neither. I just realized that we haven't spoken in a while. I'm missing you tonight."

"Aw, you're so sweet. Is everything all right?"

"Great. Perfect, in fact." That was the god's honest truth.

"Why does your voice sound funny? Are you coming down with something? I can make some soup. Or give Bella the recipe for the one that always makes you feel better. Does she have Jell-O? The kind you like?"

I smiled, fully appreciating my mother's concern rather than telling her to knock off the fussing. "I'm fine. And you already told Bella about my obsession with Jell-O."

"Wild Cherry and Blue Raspberry."

"Made separately, but served together."

We both laughed at the quirky request that had become my favourite treat when I was sick. I'd been humiliated when Bella teased me about it after Mom had shared that tidbit with her. But now I saw it as my mom letting go – not giving me up, but sharing the burden of the worry I unintentionally caused. I didn't want to be that worry for either of them, and tonight, I finally had hope that I wouldn't be.

"I really just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you," I told her. "And that I love you."

I could hear the smile in her voice when she responded. "I've loved you every minute of every day since you came into my life, son. And you're the only one of my three who will allow me to say that. That makes you special."

I laughed, knowing this was true. Jasper would roll his eyes and get all huffy over the mush Mom dished out. Rosalie would quirk an eyebrow and shrug it off. Mom and I had always been more open with our affection for each other. "Yes, well you birthed some cold, hard ingrates. Lucky for you, I was born a sap."

"Lucky for me you were born," she countered.

A momentary pang of sadness peeked out, but before it spread, I used this comment as an opportunity. "I was wondering about something… have you got more pictures of Elizabeth by any chance?"

There was brief silence. "Yes. I do. Is there something you're looking for?"

I hummed softly. "I was wondering if you could tell me more about her. What was she like? Did she like having her picture taken? Was she shy? Smart? Do I have her hair? Her love of sarcasm? Did she have big feet?"

My mother's soft laughter was the best thing I could hear. "You do have her hair. Hers was deeper red, though. And you have her eyes to a tee. Even the little yellow flecks."

"Really?" My mind drifted to my malachite stone.

"She was definitely on the shy side, but once she felt comfortable, she was open and just a joy to be around. I suppose that's much like you, as well. And my gosh, she could sing! Oh, what a lovely voice she had. She wouldn't ever sing in front of us – well, not facing us. But after she felt at home here, if she was working on something and singing to herself, she wouldn't stop if we came in. As long as she wasn't looking at us, she'd sing for us. She used to sing to you, as well."

"To me?" I chuckled thinking it was ridiculous for someone to sing to their belly. Then again, I'd interacted with Nathan when he was inside Bella.

"Oh yes. Your Dad's old recliner was Lizzie's favourite spot to rest in when you were overactive. She would lie back and sing softly with her eyes closed. Her hands would feel around on her stomach until they settled in one place. I asked her what she was looking for once, and she told me she was figuring out how you were positioned in there. Apparently, you only liked to be touched on the head. Anywhere else set you off. So she'd lie there, tracing soothing circles on where she determined your head to be, and sing. It was the sweetest thing."

"I didn't get her vocal skills, that's for sure."

"Uh… no." Mom laughed along with me. "Nor her feet. They were quite small, given her height."

"She was tall?"

"Quite, yes. And lean. Very slender. Even when her belly was at its largest, she remained slender everywhere else. It was no surprise that you came out long and slim. And you were more interested in your fingers than a bottle. A small appetite, just like Lizzie."

"Did you ever meet her parents?"

"Oh, did I!" She snorted in amusement. "You know me when I'm defensive of my children."

"Indeed." I could picture her tearing into them over their lack of support in their child. And I loved her even more for that.

"What was her favourite food?"

We spent nearly an hour with a question and answer session on the woman who'd died after giving birth to me. That's how I was seeing it now. Almost like separate events. After speaking with my mother, I felt like I knew the girl who created me. I found out that she never really knew my father. I was the product of a one night stand – a huge misjudgement on Elizabeth's part. She never heard from him again after their encounter. I was relieved about that. The last thing I needed was another person involved. Three parents were enough for me, especially since the two who'd raised me ranked tops on my list of extraordinary people. Besides, I didn't want to know anyone who would use and abandon Elizabeth that way.

"That was a wonderful thing you just did," Bella said when I climbed into bed next to her.

"You wouldn't say that if you went into the bathroom right now."

"Oh gross." She made a face before laughing at me. "Too much information, Edward."

I shrugged before stretching out. "Shit happens."

"Okay, stop." Despite her words of disapproval, she was laughing at me. "I'm trying to tell you how great you were with Esme tonight. The bits I heard sounded like you were having a really good talk."

I nodded, tracing circles on the back of her hand. "I was thinking of asking her if we could go see her gravesite. Do you think that would be a good thing for her? Or would it just dredge up sadness?"

Bella turned onto her side and ran her fingers along my jawline. "I think that would be a really sweet thing to do. Maybe Carlisle could go, too – the three of you together saying your goodbyes."

"And thank-yous," I added. "She could have just gotten rid of me. Instead, she gave me the best life I could ever have."

"In that case, I'm going to have to thank her someday, as well. I can't imagine my life without you."

That called for a kiss. A long, deep kiss that left me wanting more.

"Before this gets out of hand and you attack me –"

"_I_ attack _you_?"

"Admit it, Bella, that's how it usually goes. You want me. I can't help that."

"I never knew you could be so full of yourself," she said teasingly.

"You could be full of me, too, if the doctor would ever rebook that appointment."

"Don't remind me. Actually, _do_ remind me. I should call and see what's going on with the rebooking."

"Will do. But what I was going to say is I owe you more thanks than anyone. Not just for getting me through that panic attack, but for sharing all of that with me."

"It wasn't too much?" she asked, her concern still showing.

"It was exactly what I needed. Thank you." I gave her a kiss appropriate for the situation – soft, loving – and I hope it conveyed the fact that she had my heart for eternity.

"You know what I need?"

I smiled hearing the hoarseness in her voice. That could only mean one thing. "I think I do, yeah."

Her laughter sounded beautiful and delightfully naughty. I left our bed just long enough to enclose Don Everly in his crate, tucking him for the night with all his essentials. The last thing I wanted was a witness to what I was about to do to that gorgeous woman in my bed. Bella showed me just how dirty she could talk when she was coming. I couldn't join in on the dirty talk, as my mouth was busy causing her utterances. She was so easy to pleasure, whether by hand or lips, it eased my worries over full intercourse. I knew I could find a way to please her. It was just a matter of when.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ I cannot thank you all enough. Everyone who chimed in, provided answers to my questions last week... you're awesome. It's great to know my sure and steady readers' opinions on the matter, as well as hearing from many silent readers. *waves quiet people! Loved hearing from you!* The reactions were varied, as I expected, but I'm sure glad to know not everyone will give up on the fandom. _

_You have absolutely NO worries about me finishing this one up. It will be done, Girl Scout's honour. Okay, so I was never a Girl Scout, but my word is good, right? Even if everyone bailed on me, I'd still have to wrap this up for myself. Plot bunnies were waiting anxiously to see what would happen to TwiFic as well. They are quiet now, giving me some peace to focus on TLW. Such sweet bunnies they are. Well, one sweet, one naughty, and one confrontational. LOL We'll see what happens to them once this wraps. _

_Thanks again to my readers/reviewers, and as always, to Shug and msj. *hugs* See you next time! XX ~ SR_


	32. Chapter 31

_**True Lo**__**ve Way**_

**Chapter 31**

"This is really great of you, man. I can't believe you kept all of your college books. My cousin is so happy about this. She was pissed to find out I sold all of mine off the day after graduation."

I considered Ben to be slightly more than a co-worker but not my closest of friends. That forever belonged to my siblings and Bella. Still, when he mentioned that his cousin was going into the paramedic course I'd taken, I was anxious to help.

"Well, I can't guarantee they're all up to date. She may have to replace a lot of them. There may be a few that will help her out, though."

"Yeah, you were college in the Stone Ages, right, old man?" Ben was only a few years younger than me but always teased that I was dog years ahead of him.

"Hey, just pull up in front there. The super lets us use this spot as a loading zone. Ten minute limit. That should be enough time."

"Yep. I've still gotta grab a burger on my way back." Ben took his dinner break when my shift ended so he could come home with me to collect my books.

"I'm glad to get rid of them," I told him as we climbed the stairs. "Now that Bella's living here, we need the space. Especially when Don gets bigger."

"I don't hear him yet." Ben tilted his head upwards. "Where is this infamous howl I've heard so much about?"

I huffed at him. "He's not a demon doggy. He only does that when he's alone."

"Aw, you got yourself a needy one, didn't you? Are you regretting it yet?"

"Nah. He's great company for Bella. My brother-in-law is crazy about him, too. I'm sure a few of my neighbours aren't so enamored by him. I should probably be looking for a house."

"My sister's in real estate," he sang out. "If you need hooked up…"

"Great. Yeah, thanks. I'll keep that in mind. This is us here." I unlocked the deadbolt and inched the door open. Don had a tendency to come tearing at me the moment I appeared. Someday, he was likely to push me back so far I'd end up at the bottom of the stairs. Today, however, there was no greeting.

I shrugged and led Ben into the apartment as I called out to Bella.

"Hey! No fair, you're early!" she responded from the kitchen. "I was supposed to be sitting on the couch waiting for you, but my pies were ready. I didn't want them to burn. How did you get home so – OH! Oh my god!"

"Bella… I, uh…" I stammered and gawked. Gawked and stammered. My girlfriend was wearing an apron and nothing but. Well, she had shoes on. High, black ones that made her legs look a mile long. Her arms were folded across her breasts until she turned around to pull the bib of the apron up. That didn't help her situation. Her bare, white bottom was now on display. "This is Ben."

"Hi." He waved to Bella's bottom, trying very hard not to laugh. I elbowed him just in case it slipped out.

"Hi," Bella squeaked out as she tied up the strings of the apron, covering most of her endowment in the front. "Oh god, I'm so embarrassed!"

"Don't be," Ben assured her calmly. "If you only knew how many times this exact thing has happened to me. My apron is substantially smaller than yours, though."

She laughed nervously. It was high pitched and loud. Her cheek was twitching, and she was squirming in her heels as though she was in dire need of a toilet.

"I'm sorry. I should have called –"

"I'll just go. You can bring the books tomorrow?"

"Sure, yeah."

"Looks like you'll be busy."

I tittered, rubbing the back of my neck as I held the door open for him. "Sorry," I mouthed.

Outside the apartment, his eyes widened, as did his grin. "You lucky dog!"

"Shut up," I warned under my breath.

"Bye, Bella! Nice to meet you." He stood there grinning at me like an idiot. A twelve-year-old idiot who'd just seen his first set of breasts.

"Yeah, uh, you too."

"I have to go now," I said calmly. "Goodnight, Ben. Enjoy your dinner."

"I'm in the mood for pie now," he quipped as he jogged towards the stairs. "Really could do with some pie."

Sheepishly, I turned around after closing the door. Bella stood there with her hands over her face. What was the appropriate thing to do when one brings a friend home, unannounced, and surprises a naked girlfriend? I felt I should run out and buy some flowers. And an 'I'm Sorry' balloon. Maybe I should just fall onto my knees and beg her forgiveness. I only had seconds to decide. It already felt like we'd been standing there in silence for hours.

"Why are you naked?"

Fuck. That wasn't on my list of things to say or do, yet there it was.

"I mean, I'm not complaining. I rather like you naked. I like you clothed as well, but I think this is my favourite form. I wasn't expecting it. If it helps, Ben won't say anything. He's cool. Would you feel better if I was naked too?"

A snort and finally a laugh came from behind Bella's hands. "Shut up."

"Is it only pies you get naked to bake, or cookies, too?"

"Shut up!" She was laughing harder, though clearly still embarrassed.

"I'm so glad to see that you at least put an apron on around the hot oven. Safety first." I'd been gradually moving towards her as I teased, since she wasn't moving at all. Now I was in front of her, inhaling the scent of Bella mixed with a subtle hint of spice and peaches. "Peach, right?"

She nodded. Her hair was loose for a change, and she'd obviously spent time making it look nice. Large, silky curls framed her hidden face. Gently, I took hold of her wrists and pulled them down.

"Bella," I said softly. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what you had planned –"

"Uh… not a peep show for two," she quipped.

"I know, I know. I should have called. I'll call next time." I lifted her chin to look at me. "There won't be a next time, will there?"

Finally, I was graced with her smile. "You know what I'm sorry about?"

"I can't imagine."

"I'm sorry I made Don Everly go to bed early. He would have given me warning. And I'm really sorry this didn't happen a couple of weeks ago before I had ever-shrinking-boobs. I was hot then."

I returned her smile, stroking her cheek. "You're hot now."

"But hotter then."

"Uh-uh." I leaned down to kiss her.

"Uh-huh," she countered in between kisses.

"They're not shrinking. They're returning to normal."

"They are shrinking. They're smaller than they were before I was pregnant."

"No they're not."

She pulled away from our kissing argument over her boobs. "Edward, please. I think I know my own body."

"_Bella_, please. I think I've spent enough time studying them that I know what I'm talking about."

"Yeah?" She grinned up at me innocently. "You studied them?"

"Avidly. More than any school subject. If there was an exam on Bella Swan's breasts, I would have aced it."

"You never saw my breasts," she whispered.

The corner of my mouth lifted. "In my dreams I did. My imagination was quite accurate from my intensive study of them through fabric." I lifted a hand to one breast, cupping it over the apron bib while the other untied the string behind her neck. "My friend is gone now. Can I please have you return to how you came out of the kitchen?"

She sucked in her bottom lip, grinning seductively. "We'll do better than that." She stepped back and untied the string at her waist as the one I'd undone dropped down. The apron fell at her feet and she was gloriously naked, but for her heels.

I licked my lips in appreciation. "I was wrong. You are so much better than in my imagination. You're beautiful. Every part of you – beautiful."

"Even my scars?" she asked softly.

"What scars?"

She smiled shyly at the hoarseness in my voice. It was practically a growl. "I liked your idea."

"What idea?"

"Of you being naked, too. Strip for me, Edward."

It was my turn to laugh nervously high and loud. "Uh… no."

My wonderfully naked girlfriend tilted her head and clicked one of her shoes against the wood floor. "Edward… will you please strip for me?"

I rolled my eyes, stuffing my hands in my pockets. She pulled them out. "Don't make me do this," I pleaded with a chuckle.

"Oh, you'll do it," she purred into my ear as she pressed against my chest. And lower. "Strip. I can feel you in there. I want to see every inch of you."

"Jesus Christ, Bella…" I groaned as she flicked open the clasp on my belt.

"Strip for me, Mr. Paramedic. I'm in need of care." She played the perfect little sex kitten. It was hopeless for me. "You're the only one who can fix me up. And afterwards… I'll reward you for your heroism."

"Yeah?" My thirteen-year-old voice reappeared. "With what? Pie?" There. It was little more masculine. And corny.

She snickered sexily as she pushed on my chest, urging me further into the living room. "If you're good, you can have some pie."

"Oh, I'm good." Fuck, I wanted pie.

"That's what I'm counting on." Bella took a seat on the couch, crossing her long legs and swinging her foot. The movement made her breasts jiggle. My eyes flew between milky thighs, tight calves, sexy ankles and my dream tits.

I muttered some obscenities as I chuckled. This woman was much more than I'd anticipated. I wanted her to know that whatever she threw at me, I would match. I could keep up with her and her… needs.

"Do I get music at least?" I ran a hand through my hair, unsure of how to begin this impromptu performance.

"Sure thing, sweetie. Whatever you need." She reached across the couch for the stereo remote on the side table, giving her ass a little shake for me as she did. My erection was pressing hard against my zipper. If I didn't begin this show soon, it would start without me.

As the radio broke through the silence in the room, I stood in front of Bella. A little awkward and shy, and a whole lot turned on. "You're gonna laugh." I made one last attempt to get out of this, but I already knew it was pointless.

"You've always been able to make me laugh. That's one of the million things I love about you. Now have some fun. And entice me, my paramedic man." She growled playfully as her leg started swinging again.

I took two large steps backwards. "Okay. Rules first: no touching."

Her mouth gaped open in disgust. "What?"

"Uh-uh. You asked for a show. If you want more than that, well that's extra."

"Extra what?" she asked with a bemused chortle.

"Pie, of course." I winked as my fingers moved to the top button of my shirt. I released it but didn't let it pop open for a moment, egging her on. She made an impatient gesture with her hand that made me want to slow it down even more. Her nipples were dancing for me as she moved. I gave her a tiny break by rapidly undoing the next three, but I paused at the last one.

"Move a little," she called out. "I've seen you undress. I want a show."

"This music isn't doing it for me." It was a pop song. One of those Disney stars or something. Taylor Swift, maybe?

"You don't like Miley?"

Ah. Miley. "I like her no more than her daddy. Can you find something better? I don't relate to whiny teenaged girls."

I paused the show while she flipped through stations. Nothing was grabbing me – "Wait! Go back!" A familiar beat of an old song pulled out for parties caught my attention. "Yeah, that's it!" I smiled wickedly and began grinding my hips to the beat. Bella threw back her head and laughed, clapping her hands.

My shirt hung open, and the natural progression would have been to remove it and then my t-shirt, but I went straight for the pants. I pulled the belt out in one smooth movement, shimmying with it behind my butt before I inched my hips to turn around. Back facing her, I let my pants drop ever so slightly, shaking my booty as I jutted it out for her.

"Wild thang!" she sang along, really getting into it.

I was feeling the beat along with her excitement over such a ridiculous thing so I dropped the pants and kicked them aside. I heard her shoe drop and her sexy leg stretched out to engage flesh.

"No touching," I reminded her.

"I'm helping." I caught her innocent looking smile over my shoulder, but the rest of her looked anything but. Good god, she was sexy.

Her foot ran up the back of my leg as I continued shaking my hips for her. I let out a deep chuckle when her toes tugged on the waistband of my boxers. "That's what you meant by help."

"Shhh. Less talk, more action."

I called out the last 'wild thang' of the chorus, bumping and grinding for her as it went into the next verse. Her toes had managed to reveal a couple of inches of crack for sure, and much to my surprise, enough cheek for her to get a grip of that as well.

I yelped as she pinched. Tone Loc was singing about the girl's mother doing the wild thing, Bella was laughing hysterically, and even Don Everly got into the action. Not only was he awake, but he was anxiously jumping against the side of his crate, his own yelp louder than mine as he tried to get our attention.

Bella and I halted and looked at each other as the howl began. It hit us both at the same time:

"Emmett!"

"Jesus, he wasn't kidding about him liking the old shit."

"I'm gonna kill him for teaching our dog that."

"Especially right now." Bella's face was frozen in a look that was half embarrassment and half amusement. The latter won out, and she let loose, bending at the waist to laugh while she gripped her stomach.

"I guess the show's over," I said with my own laugh. "Jesus, Don. Chill out! I'm coming to let you out."

He flew from the crate the moment I unlatched it, whisking by me to do laps excitedly around the couch. Pulling my boxers back up to my waist, I plunked myself down next to Bella to watch the insane puppy get down with some hip-hop.

"This show is better," I commented, lacing my fingers through hers.

"Nuh-uh. Yours was much better. I'm just sorry you didn't get to finish."

So were my engorged nuts. "We'll try this again the next time Emmett borrows him. Maybe he'll take him overnight sometime."

Bella hummed. "Hope it'll be soon. I got my clearance today."

I glanced at her, hope springing back into my heart _and_ my balls. Mostly my balls. "Everything's good?"

"Great." She smiled at me shyly. "We can go at it any time."

"It's about time," I quipped.

"No shit. You're not gonna do the whole courting thing and make me wait a ridiculous amount of time until its proper for us to bump uglies are you?"

I scratched at my chin, giving the appearance of debating that. "Seeing as we live together, I think we're past courting. I mean, you're sitting on our couch naked. My friend met your tits moments ago. I think we're at the go-at- it stage already."

Hastily, Bella stood only to turn around and sit on my lap, facing me. Her legs were bent as she straddled me, and she lifted to give me the sexiest, fucking hottest kiss ever to happen on this couch. Or any couch. My hands were kneading her rounded cheeks, my erection practically jumping at her to make contact. Even through the fabric of my shorts, it begged for contact.

"We've only got one problem."

I sobbed dramatically, throwing my head back against the cushions. "We've had enough problems," I whined. "It's time for smexing!"

"Smexing?" She leaned over me to arch a critical eyebrow.

I sighed. "Okay. No lady bits, smexing… what else was I forbidden to say?"

"Never mind. The problem is, my birth control won't be reliable just yet."

"That's not a problem," I said with a sigh of relief.

"It is though. When we finally take the plunge, I want us to feel each other. And I want spontaneous fucking."

I almost choked on my laugh and excitement over her statement.

"I want to be able to fuck you right here like this. Or when I'm in the kitchen and the urge overtakes you, boom… right there, baby."

"What about the bed? Will there be any sex in our bed?"

"Oh my god," Bella emoted with a heavy exhale and she rolled her eyes back. "So, so much."

"So, let's say we're spooning…"

"Oh yeah. Yeah. Definitely when we're spooning." She squirmed on my lap, drawing a deep groan from my loin straight up. "And when you're fucking me like that, I want you to growl, just like that."

"That was… I believe… a groan. Not a growl." I was having trouble speaking as she rubbed her bare flesh against me. "How long?"

"Until my next natural period."

"And then I can have you?"

"Well, after my period."

"Not…?"

"No. I want the first time to be –" Her eyes rolled back again as she gripped my shoulders and pressed against my erection with steady pressure. "Oh god, you're gonna make me come just talking about it."

I was at a loss for words. And air. All I could manage was a sad little whimpering laugh. She wasn't alone with that.

~ 0 ~

I'd been with three women in my life, sexually. Any time I'd been given head, it felt almost dirty. There was no way to describe it as alternate love-making. It was a blow job. A woman, on her knees, sucking. It was fast and hard and really fucking great, but there was nothing tender about it. I never knew it could be tender until Bella's lips enveloped my hardened flesh. I never thought it would feel like the most loving act in the world until Bella licked me from balls to tip and pumped me with both hands until I came on them. I never thought I think the woman placing a kiss on the tip of my penis afterwards would be the sweetest display of affection I'd ever felt in a sexual situation, until Bella showed me the light later that night.

"Are you okay?" she asked with the gentlest hint of sarcasm in her voice. I believe I had squealed when I'd exploded on her. And then collapsed back on the bed, panting so heavily she'd actually reached for my inhaler.

"Fuck, I love you."

"Aw, sweet talk from my man!" she teased.

"I do," I vowed seriously. "I fucking love you, Bella. I love you inside and out. I love your wit. Your cookies. Your ability to soothe me no matter how fucked up I am. I love how you've never, ever… even once, treated me like I wasn't worth your time."

"Ohhh, shhh!" She crawled up the bed to sit near my chest, placing tiny kisses on my lips and jaw. "You're going to make me cry."

"A good cry?"

"The best cry," she whispered. "I love you so much. For all the same reasons. I've never known anyone like you, probably because there is no one like you. I would have spent my life alone if I couldn't have you because no one – I mean no one – ever got to me the way you did. The way you do. I love how you fall down a lot."

I laughed at her profession.

"And I love how you laugh so easily. I love how much you adore your family and how you've always made me feel part of it. I love your beautiful eyes and how they look at me. I love how you always knows just what I need and you're there when I least expect it. I even love the way you won't touch a door in a public washroom and how you fart when you're just about to wake up."

I made a goofy sex god face. "Yeah, I'm a winner."

"You're _my_ winner. Always. Edward…?"

"Hmmm?" I had my eyes closed, perching on the edge of that wonderful sleep one only gets after having a mind-blowing orgasm. In the back of my head, I realized I'd been selfish. I hadn't returned the favour. But then, she'd had several prior to this, my first one at her hand. And mouth. A crooked grin arose as I let out a sleepy chuckle over my silent wit.

"Marry me."

"Do you have a ring?"

"Do you want a ring?"

I snorted. "Come on. I'm not easy. If you want this, you gotta put a ring on it, baby."

She stretched out beside me, her hand grazing across my chest. It always made me shiver when she did that. And that always made her laugh. "You just want me for my fortune."

"And you just want me for my mammoth dick."

"Hmm. Well, that's a definite bonus."

"You know what I do want you for? Pie. I want an extra serving tomorrow."

"You've got it, sweetie." She placed a kiss on my forehead before settling into a new position. I fell asleep with her breast pressed against my cheek and her fingers massaging my scalp. And it was the most incredible sleep I'd ever had without medicinal aid.

~ 0 ~

"I may have a real estate agent if any of you are interested," I announced over dinner. Jasper and Alice had come up for a few days to scout their options, and Rose and Emmett were hosting us all. "You know Ben?" My sister and brother-in-law nodded, but I expanded for the folks from Seattle. "He's a friend of mine. A co-worker. Anyway, his sister is willing to work with us – she's done residential and commercial real estate."

"Commercial?" Rosalie asked with interest as she spooned another fluffy cloud of mashed potatoes onto her plate. She held the spoon towards me, and I lifted my plate to accept seconds myself. I required more calories these days with the workouts Bella was giving me.

"Did you have a location in mind?" Bella inquired.

We both knew this was of interest to Rose because of the proposal she and Emmett had made when we'd first returned from Phoenix. They wanted to open and fund a clinic for struggling parents and would-be parents. A fertility clinic, but more. It would subsidize the costs involved with in vitro if a couple couldn't afford it. It would also help arrange surrogates or private adoptions, and offer counselling for all. They dreamed of a place that would just help people make their dream of a family come true.

"I'd like it as close to the hospital as possible so I don't have far to travel back and forth once I go back to work – if it can even happen by then. I'm rushing things a bit, aren't I?"

"Baby, we've been rushing it since Bella came back to us. We rushed into loving her again. We rushed into taking Nathan. And even though he doesn't think so, we rushed Ed into being tolerant of people under the age of twenty-one." Emmett smirked at me, winked at Bella, and held onto his wife's hand. "Full steam ahead on this project, as far as I'm concerned."

"Um, just so we're clear," I interjected. "I'm adequately tolerant… at times… of those under the age of two. Not twenty-one. Teenagers annoy me, and in between, they just baffle me."

"Ready for diapers?" Alice chirped.

"Uh… no. Pass the carrots, please? Emily, want to have a race with me? Take this." I handed her one steamed baby carrot and took another for myself. "Ready? Nibble." It was a game my dad used to play with me when I refused to eat my veggies. I was a picky eater in those early years, so if it worked on me, it had to work for Emily. Since she insisted that she was to be seated next to me, I figured I may as well make the best of it.

"Are you really considering moving here?" Bella asked Alice and Jasper while I was amusing their daughter.

Alice beamed with delight. "I love Seattle, but honestly, we miss you guys so much. We're dying to be with family again. I think this is the right time to make our move. Start fresh. Like my big brother said, full steam ahead!"

"My law firm is thinking of expanding," Jasper announced quietly. "I would be senior man here, if they can make it happen."

"Oh my god, Jazz!" Rosalie jumped from her seat and rushed over to throw her arms around him.

We all extended our congratulations and praise. My brother had done a wonderful job with building his career, but it was no surprise with his determination.

"We always knew your capacity for BS would pay off big." Rosalie ruffled her twin's hair, smiling down at him. "I am so proud of you."

"You know it when she hauls ass away from food that quickly," I quipped. Looking up, I saw reproachful gazes for cursing. "Sorry. I forgot myself."

I focused my attention on Emily again, passing her another carrot. She was staring at me, like she always did, with a look of wonder and amusement. For some reason, I was very entertaining to her. The more time I spent with her, the more I began to see her with an actual personality. She was smart, but playful. She had Jasper's eyes and the habit of giving these smoldering looks with one eye slightly droopy and the other eyebrow raised. But she had her mother's mouth, with pursed lips that could smirk at the same time. Combine those with the chubbiest, most pinchable cheeks ever, and she really was quite adorable. I often wondered if Bella's toes ever wanted to have a go at those cheeks. There was plenty to grab. I somehow doubted Alice would find it appropriate. Actually, since Bella had pinched my cheeks, the rear ones, I began to look at her pinching as something entirely different. It really turned me on. Every time she locked onto my leg or foot with her toes in bed, I was instantly aroused. Just thinking about it…

Definitely not appropriate for the table.

I cleared my throat and excused myself to check on Don. I let myself out the back door into the yard, where he was chasing around a ball. He brought it over to me as soon as he spotted me. He was growing so fast. It seemed like only yesterday he couldn't hold onto a tennis ball. Now he was not only big enough to grasp it in his mouth, he was an expert at it.

"You're chewing up Nathan's ball pretty good, you know." I squatted down to give him a rub down. He gave me a lick down.

Wiping doggy drool from my cheek, I peered through the glass doors at my family. They were all very involved in the conversation taking place, presumably still about the new opportunities they'd been gifted.

Bella stood abruptly and left the room, only to return moments later with Nathan. He was growing just as quickly as Don. Now two and half months old, he didn't seem quite so fragile. I smiled at them when Bella took his little hand and waved at me. She carried him over to the table and after a moment with my sister, Rose kissed Nathan's cheek and then Bella's before they headed my way. Opening the door for them, I waved my fingers in front of my nephew and he reached out to grab them. This was our game. He always caught me.

"Apparently, one of the houses across the street is about to be put on the market. They just ran over to see if they'll let Alice and Jasper have a look and maybe first bid before they do."

"Cool. They wanted to be closer."

Bella hummed. "May be a little too close?"

I nodded with a chuckle as I gave up trying to hold Don Everly back from his target. He licked Bella's legs and nudged at her. I got the tail whip. And he still didn't have what he really wanted.

If it was possible for an infant, he'd gained a best friend in Don. As excitable as our puppy was, he was always careful around Nathan. He'd sniff at him adoringly, pressing his nose against bare skin, making Nathan squirm with delight. Don had been quite easy going with not licking him. He'd learned after I'd stopped him only a few times not to try. Maybe Nathan didn't mind, but until he could speak for himself on the matter, I would keep the slobbering away on his behalf.

Bella sat on the ground, holding Nathan on her lap as he rested against her chest. Don spread out in front of them with his chin on Bella's knee, keeping a close eye on the baby boy between them. The ball was forgotten. Nathan reached out to touch him, only getting his ear. It must have tickled, because Don flicked it, and Nathan went at it again with a look of great concentration.

"God, I hope he never nips at his fingers," Bella said quietly. She kept one hand firmly around Nathan's belly while the other one was ready to take the bite herself if the issue arose. "These little fingers are too precious to end up as puppy food."

I sat beside Don, opposite Bella and the baby. "This look suits you, you know."

A look of panic spread across her face.

"I don't just mean Nathan. I mean, the whole scenario here. The family deal. The backyard and the dog. The visiting children running around. An overzealous sister-in-law… you know, the whole package."

She relaxed and smiled. "The gorgeous husband?"

"Is there a ring on it?" I waved my hand at her, as had become our running joke.

"Oh my god, I just realized that I've given everyone in the family the choice of their dream gift, but I haven't offered you yours. What would it be anyway? A house with a yard? What's your dream?"

"I've already got it." I beamed with pride.

Bella smiled at me. "Your career. I'm so proud of you every day, you know."

I shook my head. "Not my career, silly girl. You. That's my dream. I have all that I want."

She snickered naughtily. "Well, maybe a little smexing to top it off."

"Why can you use that word?"

"Because I'm being silly in front of innocent ears, of course. Otherwise, I'd say the only thing missing is a really good effing with no holding back. Rinse and repeat."

My cheeks heated up, and my groin tingled in approval. It was frustrating being this patient, but worth it. Bella's uterus was proving stubborn and hadn't ovulated yet. In any other circumstance, I'd be a nervous wreck fearing that she was pregnant. But alas, penis had never met vagina, even sheathed. It was just as stubborn as the person who possessed the uncooperative uterus.

"We should house shop," she said determinedly.

"If that's what you want, sure."

"Don Everly deserves more outdoor time. He loves it here."

"And it has nothing to do with Emmett giving him treats every time he turns around."

"Nope!" Bella laughed with me and gave our dog a loving stroke.

"I think I'm going to put off school and see what I can do to help Rose and Em get this endeavour under way."

"Great! I think you'd make a valuable contribution having first-hand knowledge of the theme."

"Maybe work on another book in between. Though, that means looking for a new artist to collaborate with, and I don't know if I'm ready for that. If nothing else, I'd like to do one for Nathan and Emily. Something that's just theirs."

"Just theirs? What about Don? Will he be in it too?"

"Of course he will. I'd never leave out my little boy."

I'd avoided any talk of Bella's future plans, not wanting to seem like I was pushing her. I simply wanted her to take her time to heal, adjust, and decide how she wanted to proceed. It was good to hear her talking about her plans. I knew she'd been having regular talks with Aro. The combination of that and being content to run around our place in her bare feet and take Don for long walks made me feel like Aro was right once again. She just needed time.

"How many bedrooms?"

"Huh?"

"Our house. How many bedrooms do you want it to have?"

"One."

She smiled broadly. "Good answer."

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Did ya think I abandoned you? Tell the truth now. ;) _

_I seriously have to thank Shug, and send her a zillion cyber brownies or something. It's only due to her diligence that I'm updating a day (and a couple of weeks :p) late. Between my support team of her and msj, and the few very special readers who not only noticed the lack of updates, but took a moment to check in with me... well, you keep me inspired. I'm thankful to all of you. _

_Thanks for your patience as my normally clockwork updates are now screwy. Was this one worth the wait? *bites nails* Hope you stick with me 'til the end. XX ~ SR_


	33. Chapter 32

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 32**

"Aro! How are you?" I smiled widely at the screen when my old therapist's face popped up.

"Not bad for an old guy. It's good to see you smiling, Edward. It's wonderful how the fates have brought us together again. I've often wondered how you were getting along."

"Not bad for a neurotic guy." It was easy to joke with Aro. He always got me. He also knew when my jokes were a cover for the truth.

"You're in a much better place now. I can see it in your eyes. You seem comfortable with yourself. True, I hope?"

"Now, Aro, you know you're never wrong."

He issued the familiar chuckle he'd often shared with me. "True. So true."

"Did you have this time arranged with Bella? If so, she must have forgotten. She just took our dog out for a walk." It was my rotation on third shift and Bella was trying to tire Don out so he would hopefully sleep while we did in the afternoon. She was staying with her vow that she never wanted to sleep apart again. She would alter her days around my shifts to give us as much time together as possible.

"No, no. I just pop in from time to time this way. I like to keep up with her and get all the news. She's such a delight."

"You don't have to tell me," I agreed with a proud smirk.

"Yet I haven't received a wedding invite. Am I not on your list, or are you stalling?"

Ah, cut-to-the-chase-Aro. "You know, we haven't officially been dating all that long," I reminded him.

He huffed at me. "True love has no time boundaries, my dear boy." His eyes lost the intensity they always displayed during our talks. Unless it was a Skype malfunction, he seemed to be frozen in the internet connection or else lost in his own thoughts.

"Aro?" I called out softly. "You with me?"

His eyes returned to me – Skype was working just fine. "Just an old man sifting through memories. Sorry for that."

I felt like an ass. Since he'd come back into my life, every talk had centered around Bella or me or me and Bella. I'd never once asked how he was coping with the loss of his friends. "Are you doing all right? You know, if you need to talk it out, I'm quite familiar with the whole counselling routine. I'm not licensed, of course, but I've got plenty of practical experience from being on the other side."

He smiled at me affectionately. "I'd like to say that you've obviously been tutored by one of the greats, which of course is all truth. You and I have more in common than our sessions, however. See, I also counselled you by experience."

I leaned forward on my elbows, anxious to hear where he was going with this.

"There was something about you that first day you walked into my office that drew me to you. I suppose I've always seen a bit of myself in you. Did you ever wonder why you had a breakthrough with me despite being under the care of numerous therapists before that?"

"Not really. They were all pompous idiots. You were the only one who really listened. Observed. Got inside my head, I suppose. You were able to teach me how to figure things out for myself, too. I still use the tools you gave me. You were the only one who knew what you were doing." Aro didn't know it, but I'd given him full credit for my ability to recognize my recent anger towards the ambulance my mother had died in was part of the anxiety that had kept me from being a practicing paramedic.

"The others did, as well, I'd wager. I just gave a fuck."

His candid comment drew a heartfelt laugh from me. "Well, my psyche and I thank you for giving a fuck."

"I envy you, Edward. You're in a position to fix what you missed out on the first time around. You can make up for not sharing what was in your heart all those years ago. You've been given a second chance. I never got that. It makes for a sad existence when an old man looks back a good 40 years and still rues a stupid mistake. Don't be that old man. You deserve more."

I felt my throat constricting as I listened with great concern for the man I'd admired so much. I'd never thought of him as being a man with regrets. He seemed content with his life and… whatever it was he had in his life. I suppose he'd always known me much more than I'd known him.

"My true love escaped me twice. Once through my own stupidity and then by cruel fate." His faraway look returned, but he shook it off without my prodding this time. "Bah. You don't want an old man's rambling."

"I do… I mean, I'd like to hear your story very much. That is, if you feel comfortable sharing it."

"With a young man who would understand? Yes, I suppose it's about time you understand why I've been encouraging you to act on your feelings. See, I was a young fool. I didn't have the physical issues you suffered, but I too came from an adopted home. One filled with love and privileges. One that kept me quite sheltered. When I applied to Berkeley, I boldly moved on thinking I would change the world. Instead, it changed me."

"You went to Berkeley?" I asked with amused interest. He didn't seem the free-loving spirit that Berkeley was notorious for in those days.

"Ah, you see my plight already. I was a fish out of water, and instead of adapting to the ways of my fellow students, I become more of an introvert. Lacking social skills of their level, I threw myself into study and keen observation. What caught my attention the most was the lovely Marguerite. She was unlike any of the others – a free spirit, yes, but of the best sort. She didn't follow blindly into the endless noble protests of the time. She didn't act out of compulsion to be like the others. Maggie was the true definition of a free spirit, acting solely on her own desires. A true artist. And she possessed the purest of hearts. She captivated me, spoiling me for others, and intimidated the shit out of me."

I chuckled because he did, but inwardly, I felt his pain. Maggie was his Bella.

"The year we graduated, I decided it was time to get my head out of my ass –"

"Ha! Gran used that same expression with Bella. Sorry for interrupting. Please go on."

With wistful eyes, Aro nodded. "Well, I ventured over to Europe. I thought that a solo trip mingling with the locals of wherever my feet carried with me would get me over my social anxiety. It did – but not through the locals. I met up with a young, charismatic fellow and we decided to travel together."

"Marcus."

"Indeed. We became the best of friends in only a week together. It was like we were long lost brothers. That continued on until his untimely death. I was there when he met his first love and when he lost her. Anyone would say I was foolish to stick around and watch my Maggie fall deeply in love with my best friend."

I gasped unintentionally. "Aro… I don't know what to say."

"Of course you do. You're just not willing to state the obvious. You know why I did what I did, because you did the very same. It's better to have some of that magical spirit the girl you love gives you, even if her heart belongs to another."

I nodded silently.

"I didn't have the balls to tell her how I felt in college, nor did I have the heart to confess my feelings once she'd found love with Marcus. Their love was fleeting, however. Both were ambitious in their own ways. Marcus was forever focused on being the intellectual, writing papers that were published for every educational institution. He was the youngest man to become head of a department because of his ambition, but that was years later. That was after he lost Maggie to her own ambition. Our free-spirited girl needed more inspiration than merely watching her love pore over books and deliver speeches. To be honest, he didn't understand the heart of an artist. Not until much later, when he found Gianna. Lucky man to have two great loves in one lifetime. I adored Gianna, as well, but in a more brotherly way."

"My Alice," I commented in a whisper. "My brother's wife."

Aro nodded, smiling at me gently. "See, you do understand."

"What happened to Maggie? Where did she end up?"

"She settled in Arizona, not far from Marcus, ironically. And she married, had a family. Her husband was killed in a mining accident of some sort, I believe. He was in the National Guard, on a search and rescue mission. Maggie was left with her two girls and a pension." He smirked wistfully. "Her art took a turn, since she couldn't travel for inspiration. She looked to the desert for inspiration and transformed people's landscapes into the best displays the state had to offer. Only Maggie would see art in cacti. Of course, her girls took the majority of her attention. She even helped raise one of her granddaughters, another beautiful soul, just like her Gran."

My heart fluttered, and my lungs seized. Was he telling me…

"Breathe, Edward."

"Maggie… are you saying that Maggie is… was..."

"Gran, I believe you know her as, yes. Funny how lives can interweave this way, isn't it?"

"What the fuck?"

His low laughter didn't bring me out of my shock, but it brought him out of his remorseful mood. "So you see, I know of what I preach. Marry that girl, Edward. You'll not find another like her. Nor will you want to."

~ 0 ~

I was pacing the apartment, anxious to share this news with Bella when she returned. I knew she would have told me if Aro had already filled her in on his full connection to her background. Don Everly rushed me before I could get to Bella. I was trying to teach him not to jump up when he greeted someone. I didn't want him pushing over Emily or Nathan when he played with them, but his exuberance always overtook him when he came home to find either me or Bella waiting for him.

"Hey, guy, how was your walk? Did you have fun with Bella?" I squatted to let him get his licks in while I hugged him and rubbed behind his ears. Gently, I pressed on his haunches, as Emmett had told me to do, so he would sit and calm down. "Good walk?" I asked Bella since she could actually respond.

"Interesting. We had company." Bella kicked off her shoes, hung Don's leash by the door and came over to place a kiss on my head.

"Did Emmett track you down? Jesus, that man needs his own puppy. It's only been two days since he brought over those sausage snack things for him."

Bella laughed, settling in on the floor beside us. "No, not Emmett. An old friend of yours, actually – Lauren."

I was surprised by the calmness in which I received this information. "Is that so? How did this come about?"

"Apparently her apartment overlooks the park –"

"Her apartment? You were all the way over there?" Lauren lived a good three miles from me.

"I told you I like to walk Don all over the place. It's good exercise. Anyway, they have a leash-free area in that park. I haven't let Don loose yet, but I'm getting him used to the other dogs so he can go have a free run whenever we go there."

I nodded my approval and smiled at her consideration for our puppy. I saw great nurturing skills in her, whether she thought she was capable of it or not. What truly surprised me was the concept of Lauren being in the park – unless she just happened to run into Bella as she passed by.

"He's good around the other dogs, by the way. He watches everything they do. He's a little skittish when the small dogs come over to him, but he's not afraid of the big ones. Weird, huh?"

"That's our puppy."

Bella chuckled, rubbing at his ears affectionately. "So, Lauren says hi. You didn't tell me she was such a good artist."

I gave her a questioning look. "That would be because that's news to me. How did you find this out? Were you in her apartment?"

"No. Nothing like that. Actually, she gave me this." Bella reached for the satchel she always took on her walks, extracting a piece of paper carefully before handing it over to me.

Accepting it, I examined it closely. The rough pencil sketch of Bella with her arms protectively wrapping Don Everly startled me for several reasons. My first thought was that even I underestimated Bella's capacity for nurturing. Through the eyes of an outsider, the love and devotion to our pet was blatant. She looked radiant and proud, yet ready to through herself in front of any challenger that opposed our furry little guy.

My second thought was that I should be ashamed of myself. To have dated this woman for months, and known her for years, I should have known this talent of hers, yet I honestly had no idea. It made me realize I'd been a shitty boyfriend even before Bella had arrived on the scene. I hoped I wasn't so ignorant to Bella and all that she was. Perhaps I only saw what I wanted to see in her and not the full picture.

The final thought, I knew was a reflection of the old me. Paranoia. Dread. A sick, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that Lauren wasn't the woman I thought she was, and she was going to cause trouble for me and Bella now that we were in a happy place.

"It's good, right?"

Bella's soft voice jarred me from my drifting thoughts. "Yeah. Yeah, it's amazing. She's very good."

"From what Lauren said, I think that was the second time we were at that park. I take him down there a few times a week, but she said she sees me and Don walking by her restaurant all the time. I didn't know _New Moon_ was hers. I knew she had a business nearby, but I didn't know where. Anyway, she said she's been cutting back on her long hours there – spending more time at home. She did this sketch watching us from her balcony, but she was afraid I'd think she was stalking me or something."

Bella's laugh was much more natural than mine.

"So, she waited to give it to me."

"Uh-huh." I had nothing else to contribute. My stomach was roiling as I contemplated telling Bella to stay the hell away from that park – from that whole area. My mind raced to different neighbourhoods I knew of that would keep us away from Lauren, and keep my loved ones safe.

"You okay? You look sick." Bella cupped my face, drawing my eyes to hers. "You think this is creepy, right? You're afraid she's up to something?"

I hesitated momentarily, licking my lips in an attempt to draw moisture into my mouth. I felt dry. "Bella, I'm thinking that if I knew nothing about her drawing abilities, there could be other things I didn't know either. What if I didn't really know her at all? What if she's a raving lunatic?" I was aware that my voice had raised an octave in tone, but Bella merely smiled affectionately. She didn't mock me and my paranoia.

"Sweetie, if there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that you would not put yourself with a lunatic. Well, aside from me."

"You're not a lunatic."

"Just a little loonie."

"Maybe a little." I smirked at her knowing she'd understand I was teasing.

"If you were there, you'd have seen it for yourself. Edward, she was nervous about approaching me. I'm sure she knew that you'd freak out. I give her a lot of credit for reaching out this way. It was sweet of her to draw this for me – a portrait of Don when he was new to us… just a baby. And it's free!" Bella smiled, very sure of herself and her own intuition. "It's fine, Edward, I swear. This was simply a hidden talent that Lauren kept to herself. She's not a different person – she's still the woman you knew." Her hand stroked my forearm gently as I let her words soak in. "Are you okay with this?"

"Are you going to see her again?"

"I'm not having an affair," she replied teasingly.

"I know. I'm just saying…"

"I'm sure I'll run into her again. At the park. Or by _New Moon_. Now that she's reached out, I'm sure she won't hesitate to speak to me when we cross paths and I'm cool with that. Are you?"

"Are you… going to be… friends?" I sounded covetous. I knew I sounded like a jealous control freak.

"I don't think we'll be sitting at the lunch table together every day, but we may hang out sometimes. Maybe go shopping or do each other's nails."

"Okay." Finally, she got a laugh from me. "I get it. We're not in high school."

"This woman was important to you. And from what I've seen, you meant the same to her. It's silly to cut all ties just because you're not sleeping together anymore."

"It's not weird for you?" My concern was genuine. In all honesty, I felt like the world's biggest shit about how things had worked out with Lauren. She had been good to me, as a friend and a lover. But Bella came first.

She cocked an eyebrow at me. "Really? The only guy I've ever been with is your –"

"Okay, okay!" I waved my hands to cut her off. The irony of me being concerned about Bella knowing an ex-lover hit me hard. If I could handle her losing her virginity to my brother, I felt certain she could manage cocktails with my ex on occasion. "The drawing is really good. I like how it's rough in places, but she's still captured emotion. I'd know this was you and Don if I saw it hanging on a wall somewhere. It's just how I see you. And more… somehow."

Bella slid over and kissed my lips softly. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

I smiled with just a hint of cockiness. "I actually think I do."

"Good. Because the waiting is almost over. I had another visitor this morning."

"Who now?" Christ, had my girlfriend from college appeared out of nowhere?

Her throaty laugh against my ear sent tingles up my spine. "God, I love your innocence. I got my period, Edward. That means –"

"You'll be crabby for a few days," I quipped proudly. _That_, I knew about women. I also knew the look she shot me meant I should shut up. She looked remarkably like my sister when she'd give me reproachful looks for commenting on her odd behaviour at times. It made no sense to me. I was merely pointing out the truth, but for some reason it was a touchy subject for them.

~ 0 ~

Bella had been as shocked by the revelation of Aro's love for Gran as I'd been, but after it sunk in, it drew tears. She'd never known her grandfather, but she'd grown to love Aro. It broke her heart that he'd never had his true love realized. Knowing Gran as well as she did, and now Aro, she thought they would have brought each other happiness. I still hated the sight of Bella in tears, but with some comforting, they didn't last. My girl was getting stronger day by day. Of course she would still cry from time to time – she had an endless capacity for feeling others' emotions.

I wasn't sure which version of Bella to expect when I got in from work the next day. She'd been planning to speak with Aro about Gran. It may have stirred up a lot from her past. It also could have helped her learn a new side of Gran – a young and vibrant woman with stories to be told. She could be weepy or nostalgic. Either way, I was anxious to get home to her.

Entering the apartment, I saw neither of my visions were the case. She was on the couch, laughing as she made faces at the baby on her lap. Don Everly dropped his rag doll the moment he spotted me and rushed over for his greeting.

"Hey! I hope you don't mind – Rose asked if we could watch Nathan for a couple of hours. There's some seminar at the hospital she wanted to attend, and Emmett's working."

"Sure. That's fine." I loved up our dog before heading over to place a kiss on Bella's head.

"You're not going to say hi to Nathan?" she asked when I continued on towards the bathroom.

"Hi Nathan," I called out before turning on the shower. I stood in the doorway to talk as I began to undress. "You know he probably doesn't even know I'm here."

"Of course he does. His eyes went right over to you as soon as he heard your voice."

"Well, I want to wash up before I touch him. Germs… you know." Even though Nathan was developing at a healthy rate, I still worried for him. I didn't want him to catch anything from me. I showered off quickly and took time to scrub at my nails when I rewashed my hands in the sink. I had my running shorts hanging on the back of the door, so I just pulled those on to go return to our visitor.

Bella had him turned around with his back against her chest. Her hand was wrapped around his belly, keeping him secure on her lap. I smiled at both of them as I sat on the floor at her feet. Nathan focused on me intently with that same expectant expression he always had for me.

"What?" I asked him, not expecting a response. "Why do you look at me that way, huh? Am I funny looking?"

Bella chuckled. "You do have a farmer's tan."

I glanced down at my bare torso. She was right. "I've never been a beach sort of guy."

"You don't have to be. I wouldn't want other women gawking at you anyway."

That was Bella's form of complimenting me. Her jealousy, even in jest, turned me on. "We need to change the subject. I'm having inappropriate thoughts."

Waggling her eyebrows at me, she bit down on her lip in that sexy but innocent way she had. "It won't be long now."

"When's he going home?"

She rolled her eyes at me, chuckling. I knew I'd misinterpreted her statement. "We've got him for a couple of hours, Edward. Your sister just left. You probably walked right past her car on the street. Anyway, we've still got a few days to go. I have no idea how long to expect this to last."

"Right." I cleared my throat and tried to bury my thoughts of consummating our new relationship. "Well then, what are we going to do with him?"

The other time we'd babysat ended up being cut short. Rose claimed stomach cramps were the reason for them not finishing their date night, but I believed it was a case of nervous mommy. She probably feared returning to another scene like they'd had when I'd watched him on my own. I'd tried to convince him not to poop again when his parents weren't around, but the likelihood of him abiding to that was slim.

"I don't think we need to do anything in particular. He's already had his bottle. He shouldn't need to eat again for a few hours. You must be starving though… and I don't have dinner ready. There's some left-overs."

An idea popped into my head. I'd promised myself to take Bella on actual dates when we got home, but that hadn't happened. "We should go out. Try that place on the pier that I told you about. We can take Don with us."

"And Nathan. You want to take Nathan out?"

Her hesitance didn't sway me. "You don't think we should? Did Rose say we should stay in with him?"

"She didn't specify. I'm assuming she'd just think we would."

"I'll call her –" I stood to go the phone but Bella grabbed onto my wrist.

"She's in a meeting, Edward. If we call, she'll think something's wrong."

"Right. Emmett, then." I'd really admired the way Rosalie and Emmett worked as a team. There was nothing one-sided about their parenting. It was similar to how we'd been raised, only without the obsessive fussing that our mother bestowed on me.

As expected, Emmett gave a hearty approval and wished us a good time. He did, however, give a rundown of what was in the diaper bag in case anything was needed. Father of the year, he was.

Luckily, Rosalie had left Nathan's car seat since it doubled as a chair for him to sleep in when he napped. I carried it and led Don Everly down the stairs to the parking garage while Bella carried Nathan and his baby paraphernalia. A lot of stuff for a little guy.

"I watched Rose do this once," Bella explained when I stared in shock at her expertise strapping in the car seat. "I'll sit back here with him. Don can ride shotgun."

As if she had a choice. He was already sitting in the front passenger seat looking anxiously out the side window. I opened it enough for him to feel the breeze, but not jump out. I also didn't want a heavy draft blowing on Nathan. Bella assured me they were fine. Still, I took the short drive to the restaurant much slower than necessary. Being cautious was worth the few angry horn blares and dirty looks from other drivers. They didn't have precious cargo like I did.

We secured a corner table on the patio, and Don Everly chewed away on his Milkbone. He was lying across my feet, his tail happily slapping against the pavement. I figured I was forgiven for not putting any music on like he expected when the car started up. Nathan was snoozing in his carrier seat on the chair in between Bella and me.

"This was such a great idea. I'm so glad we're doing this." Bella looked gorgeous with the breeze softly blowing some lose tendrils of hair across her cheek. Her smile was radiant. "I'm thinking fish… maybe salmon. I don't know whether to get rice or a salad. What are you getting?"

I hadn't even glanced at the menu. My attention had been focused solely on the beautiful lady in front of me, the slobbering go on around my shoes and the way Nathan's little lips pouted when he slept. The double cheeseburger being served at the next table looked just up my taste buds' alley, but I'd cheated at lunch, diving into the extra chili dog Ben brought in after eating my own packed lunch.

"Salmon sounds good actually. You get the rice, I'll order salad. We can share."

"I'm not sharing the chocolate pie I'm getting for dessert – just so you know. Order your own."

Just like that, Bella had managed to put my mind at ease about my overeating and potential weight gain. She had faith in me to stay healthy, and if I carried a few extra pounds, she'd still love me.

"Your baby is just lovely. A boy?" The waitress appeared out of nowhere, startling me with her question. I glanced under the table at Don. His package was hidden, but to me it was obvious he was a boy. If he was a girl, we'd have gotten a prettier collar and leash for him.

"A boy, yes. Don Everly. He was abandoned. We adopted him."

The waitress gasped. "Oh my! Who on earth would leave behind a tiny little thing like that?"

"I know, right? He's mixed. His legs are too long for his body, but he'll grow into them. He might look a little awkward now, but I don't know how anyone could look into those eyes and just leave him."

Joanne, as the tag on her uniform read, blinked at me. Bella was leaning on her elbows, her fists covering her mouth, but I could see the amusement in her eyes.

"Edward, I believe she's talking about Nathan."

"Oh!" I chuckled at my own stupidity. "Sorry. That's our nephew – yes, a boy. This is our boy here." I pointed below. "Nathan wasn't abandoned. Nor is he awkward. Well, he doesn't have very good control over his arms – they're always flying around when he's awake, trying to find his mouth. He's a sucker. Thumb. Fingers. Anything. Nathan, that is. Don Everly's a chewer. We're training him to only chew on his own toys and not my shoes or Bella's dirty –" I felt a very distinct kick under the table that didn't come from Don. "Laundry. He gets into the laundry."

I thought I had done well by generalizing rather than revealing our puppy's perverted fondness of Bella's scent on her panties, but I received a blank stare from Joanne and a raised eyebrow from Bella.

"Why don't you order first?" I suggested, ending my version of small talk.

We were on dessert before Nathan woke. Despite Bella's initial protest, she did offer me the first bite of hers when I declined to order anything myself. A taste was enough. I kept Nathan amused while she dug in. Bent over him, I stuck out one of my fingers to test out his hand-eye coordination. He was quite determined to grab onto it, but it took several attempts before he actually grasped it. His tiny fingers wrapped around it, and I turned towards Bella to comment on how he'd be able to fit both hands on one finger when the smell hit me.

"Ugh. Someone's dinner smells horrible. Glad I didn't order that."

"I don't smell anything," she replied, carefully scooping off some of the mint chocolate shavings that topped her dessert. "What is it?"

"I don't know. Smells like… sour something."

We named off some things from the menu that may be the offender but couldn't come up with anything definite. In the meantime, the odour passed so we dropped it and moved on. Bella was enjoying the patio, as well as her coffee and dessert. While it wasn't exactly romantic, it still felt more like a date than anything we'd had before. I ordered us both a second cup of coffee to prolong it. Even Don was enjoying himself, having met a new friend a few tables over. He was currently playing a doggie version of hide and seek around diners' legs. It wasn't until I reached for the cream to add to my coffee that the smell reappeared. This time, the breeze blew Bella's way, and she caught it, too.

"Oh no."

"It's him, isn't it?" I asked, even though I knew the answer. Nathan had gone back on our agreement and here we were without either of his parents again. "Do you think everyone else can smell him?"

Bella motioned for the waitress, ordering our drinks to go. She declined the use of the washroom to sort out our problem. Changing table or not, this wasn't something either of us wanted to stick the other with on their own.

The drive home was quicker than the drive over. Still reluctant to put Nathan in too much of a draft, the noxious odour from his diaper quickly filled the car. The salmon sat heavy in my stomach, reminding me of Charlie's lingering fish fry and the nausea it caused. I wanted to drive straight to the fire station to let Papa Emmett take care of business, but Bella wouldn't let me. I sulked until we pulled into the parking garage. In that few minutes, I resolved myself to the fact that I was about to be involved in my very first diaper changing.

Windows left down in the car to air out, I removed the car seat with Nathan still strapped into it. Bella attached Don's leash to his collar, and we bolted up the stairs. Even our quickest climb couldn't help us escape the smell. It followed us. It surrounded us. It seeped into my nose, my lungs. I could even taste it. It took all my might not to gag like I had the first time he dropped a load on me. I tried to wipe that memory from my mind. It was a horror story – this couldn't possibly be a repeat of that blow-out.

Bella reached the apartment door first and quickly unlatched the lock to let us in. "Spare room?" she suggested as I unlocked the straps across Nathan. Fuck. I wouldn't be able to use the treadmill until the smell went away. How long would it last? However long, it was better than performing the task in the living room, or worse… our bedroom.

"The bag!" I panicked, realizing I hadn't picked it up with Nathan.

"Got it. Don't worry." My girl was already removing Nathan from his chair, the bag slung over her shoulder. "Edward, you don't have to –"

I huffed out a breath of resolve. "We're in this together."

The smile I got was worth my false bravado. I would honestly rather pick ticks from a dog than see what was in Nathan's diaper, but it was unfair to leave Bella alone with that. Little did I know what I was in for.

"Dear God!" I exclaimed once Nathan was laid out on the bed and his pants removed. He hadn't exploded through the layers like the previous time, but the smell was horrendous. "It didn't even smell this bad last time. How can that be? There was much more of it then. He's a baby – it's not like he's expelling bad guacamole and too much beer. How can it reek like this?"

Snickering, Bella extracted what we'd need from his bag. "Yeah, Rose mentioned he's been… different lately."

"Nathan… buddy…" I leaned over him, shaking my head. "We talked about this. Are you going to do this every time we're together?"

"Keep talking to him, Edward. He's calmer when you're talking. I don't want him kicking around while I'm working on him. Calm is good."

"Tell me, what did I ever do to you, huh? I've never crapped my pants when you're here. A little courtesy, please."

Bella was chuckling as she got busy. Don Everly turned up bedside, sniffing at the offensive odour in the room. He was quick to narrow it down, and then Bella was trying to shoo him away while pulling the dirty diaper from under Nathan.

"Crap! His foot just went in it."

"Don's?"

"Nathan's. Get with it, Edward. Don's got to get out of here, and you stopped talking and Nathan started squirming. And now there's a heel print in his poop."

I made a disgusted face, tugging Don away from the bed. I picked up his doll that he'd dropped by the door and tossed it across the living room to make him go for it. One problem solved – the simpler one. I had no idea what to do with a baby with a poopy foot.

_~ 0 ~_

"Why is Nathan in your kitchen sink?" My sister hung on my shoulder, peering over as I held onto a naked, wet baby. Bella had gone to let her in, leaving me to keep Nathan secure in the inch of warm water. He was squirmy.

"It's a marinade," I retorted. "We're cooking him up for dinner."

"He doesn't need a marinade. He's tasty enough as he is. Hi, Nathan! Mommy's back! And coming in for a nibble – watch out!" She ducked in, making nom-nom noises around his little fisted hand. "Are you having fun? You love your baths, don't you? So nice of Uncle Edward to give you a bath. We should bring some bath toys over so he has them for next time."

"Not necessary," I commented dryly. "Can you take over now?"

Rose planted a kiss on my cheek before reaching for Nathan. I waited until she had a good grip on the slippery little eel before I let go. There wasn't much room for her to grab – my hands were bigger than his torso as it was. She pulled him out and wrapped him in a towel expertly, whispering soft words against his head as she snuggled him closely against her chest.

"What?" she asked when she caught me staring.

"Nothing. I just love watching you with him. You know what you're doing. It's amazing."

She smiled warmly at my compliment. "You have to be a quick learner. This is totally a learn-as-you-go experience. Every day is different. You're doing great with him too. Both of you." She squeezed past me as I drained the sink and reapplied the disinfectant. I'd meticulously cleaned the sink before putting him in it, and now it was time to do the same for our future meal preparations in Nathan's new tub.

"By the way, I love watching you with him, too."

I felt my cheeks heating up over my sister's statement. "I'm getting more comfortable with him. Except when he… you know."

"Well, he shouldn't _you know_ again today, so could you give him his bottle while I talk to Bella for a bit? I may have secured some medical volunteers to help out with the clinic until it's fully staffed. I can't outright steal them from the hospital, but they can do what they want in their off-hours." Rose's smile lit up the room. Her dream was one step closer to being realized. I figured now was the time to ask her for help with my own next step.

"Speaking of off-hours… you know Bella's taste pretty well, right?"

"Yeah, sure. I think you do as well, but what are you looking for? Birthday shopping already?"

I shook my head, my stomach quivering with something other than odour-induced nausea. Aro had never steered me wrong, and I trusted that moving forward this way was for the best. "I want to look for a ring."

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Again, my apologies for updating late. *sigh* Truthfully, I'm addicted to weekly Monday morning updates as well, and I'm crabby without them. I hope you enjoyed today's suspension of reality. Thanks for reading! XX ~ SR_


	34. Chapter 33

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 33**

"Come on! Where the hell is it?" I muttered away to myself as I dumped the last of the drawers from my dresser on the bed for the second time. I had to be missing it, that's all. It wasn't _gone_. But if it were here, then… where was it?

When Rosalie called to tell me Mom was coming up for a few days the following week, I gave her my work schedule so we could pick out a time to sneak off together and do some ring shopping. Mom would be thrilled to have Nathan to herself for a few hours, and no one would think it odd that I took my sister out for a break. It was the perfect opportunity for me to be sneaky with a ring purchase. Perfect, except my stone was now missing. It's not that I didn't trust Rosalie's opinion; I'd simply feel more connected with Bella if I had the malachite stone with me that day. I'd stopped carrying it around with me, or even using it to help me fall asleep when Bella had become part of my life again. I had no need to use it to feel her presence. I merely had to look across the room, or place my arm around her waist as she slept next to me.

Ordinarily, when not in my pocket, it was atop my dresser. My first thought was it had fallen behind. When that failed to prove true, I'd deduced that it had slipped off into an open drawer at some point. After checking each drawer carefully, I'd lain on the floor, belly down, and surveyed the entire bedroom from that vantage point. I knew that whenever I dropped a coin, it rolled directly under the bed, no matter where I was standing in the room. It should have worked the same for the stone.

I didn't want to tear apart the entire apartment this way, since really, how would it have walked out of the room it was always in? So there I was, unfolding and re-folding every piece of clothing in each and every drawer, willing the missing stone to appear. The longer I spent looking without success, the more anxious I became. How could I have been so careless with something that meant so much to me? Bella had loved the fact that I still had it. How would I tell her I'd lost it? It was irreplaceable. My one-of-a-kind token had somehow grown legs and walked out. I snorted at the absurdity of that while I replaced the drawer in the bottom slot.

I wondered if I should check the laundry room. I had checked the laundry basket, of course – torn apart the entire closet in fact, now that we had to keep it up and away from Don Everly's quick mouth. He was an expert panty thief, often grabbing hold of a pair without us even seeing him grab them. They'd turn up in a wet ball by the front door or under the table. He knew not to bring them into his crate, because that would be the first place we'd look. Crafty little four-legged thief.

"Oh my god. No." My hands flew to my face as the new possibility hit. I went looking for the bandit in question, getting down on all fours to examine him. "Please tell me you didn't take the stone, Don. Did you take it?" I whispered in case Bella could hear me from the kitchen. "Don, you didn't eat it, did you?"

My stomach twisted into a knot with concern. This was a whole new issue. I may be able to cope with losing the first gift from Bella, but if it hurt our puppy…

"God… Don? Come here. Let me check you out." I cradled him against his will in an attempt to feel his stomach. As he would only lie in this position for Bella, his long legs protested. It was one thing to evade Nathan's flying fists, but another thing entirely to duck four spindly legs. He caught me on the jaw with one of them, leaving a long scratch behind. I hissed at the sting, and Don howled in return. His legs went at me even faster while I was preoccupied. Where was Emmett when I needed him?

"What are you two doing?"

When I turned at the sound of Bella's voice, I saw her standing behind the couch. I had Don pinned down on the floor in front of it. He let out another howl, and I had no choice but to release him. He righted himself quickly and came at me with his normal exuberance. His tongue lapped at the fresh scrape as he put his front legs on my lap to reach my face. His eyes looked concerned. His tongue looked wet. His mouth seemed to smile around the hanging tongue as he panted in my face.

"Such a happy doggy, you are," I murmured as I hugged him. "We were just playing around. I thought I could hold him like you do. Turns out, he's not so into that." I tipped my head to the side so she could see my battle wound.

"Ouch. Time for him to get some clipping done. He left a mark on the floor by his crate too. Did you see it? You know when he takes off for the door but loses his footing? Well, there's a nice, deep scratch in the finish."

"I don't think I have it in me to wrestle him anymore right now. How is such a little guy so strong?"

Bella walked around the couch to join us on the floor. "Our baby's growing, Edward. He's getting to be such a big boy." She flipped him over as I'd been trying to do and smiled smugly when I grunted in exasperation. "What big nails you have." Holding a paw in her hand, she took a good look at them. The little shit just lay there, letting her do whatever she wanted. "Yeah, I don't think I could give this a go either. We'll have to take him to a groomer until one of us is brave enough to try it."

Great idea!

I jumped up before she could stop me. "I'll take him right now." I smiled with my solution being handed to me. I needed to talk to Emmett. Taking Don out would give me the privacy I required.

"Where?"

"To the groomer."

"Yeah… uh, where is the groomer?" She eyed me curiously. Fuck, she would make a formidable mother in sticky situations where it was necessary to hide the truth. My own mother had given me the exact same look on many occasions.

I swallowed heavily to ensure I was calm before I spoke with a quivering voice. Deciding it was even better to avoid her look, I turned away to get Don's leash. "There's got to be one nearby. I'll just take him down to the shelter and ask them for a referral."

"I think we should look into it more before we just take him into anyone. What if they clip him too close? What if he gets an infection from their clippers?"

"Worry wart," I teased. "The shelter won't send us to a dirty place, Bella. We'll be fine. Why don't you relax with a book?. Take a bath or something. Enjoy some time to yourself, and I'll take care of Don. Deal?"

She still had a slightly suspicious look on her face as she kissed me goodbye. That was the moment I knew I'd never be able to hide something from her. She knew me too well.

I punched up Emmett's number as Don and I bolted down the stairs. "Em! I've got a situation here. Can you meet me?"

~ 0 ~

"Did you bring it?"

I'm sure we looked like thugs meeting up at the back end of the Safeway parking lot. It looked even worse when I held out a bag, showing Emmett the goods. "I can't believe we're gonna do this." I cringed at the thought of it.

"You said the stone was small enough to fit inside a bottle cap, so I'm fairly sure he could pass it. Obviously if he didn't choke on it, it went down. What goes down must come out."

"Right," I agreed with a grimace. "Well, it's nice and fresh. I ran him on the way over. He just popped this out a couple of blocks back."

"Groovy." My best friend and brother-in-law rubbed his hands together with apparent delight as he snatched the bag of shit from my grip. "Try to keep Don occupied while I poke around in this. I don't want him getting involved and possibly ingesting it for a second time."

"We don't even know if he did the first time," I corrected. "I honestly don't know when he would have gotten at it. But it's not in the apartment so…" I sighed heavily as I let more of the leash free for Don to run around a bit. There was a squirrel he was quite interested in by a nearby bush. "If he did eat it, he could have shit it out days ago. Who knows?"

"If he did, then that's great. Nothing to worry about, right?"

"Except the fact that Bella's gift was left in a pile of shit," I responded stoically.

"The upside is that it was a pile of Don's shit, so it went down with a loved one nearby." Emmett grinned at me as he squatted down to examine the specimen. "You know I'm just trying to lighten it up for you, Ed. I don't mean to minimalize the importance of this stone."

I ran a hand through my hair, watching over Don Everly. "I know. I appreciate it. The truth is, Don is more important. As long as he's okay, I'll get over it."

Emmett mumbled something as he shifted around the turds spread out on a larger bag. Thankfully, he'd brought the tools of our trade along with him – gloves and spatulas. He was currently dissecting each turd with the wooden sticks, cutting them up into slivers too small to hide a piece of malachite.

As if reading my mind, Emmett cracked a joke. "Y'know, it's shite digging for malachite."

"Ha ha," I said, deadpan. "Better you than me."

"True dat!" He knew I wouldn't fare well with this task. I was grateful to have a friend who was willing to do this with me. Or_ for_ me, as was the case.

"Did Rose tell you what we're doing next week?" I asked him to distract myself from the visual in front of me.

The appearance of his deep dimples that accompanied his biggest grin gave me the answer. "Taking the big step, huh?"

I shifted my feet, turning my attention to Don for a moment. "She might even say yes if I haven't killed our dog before I ask her."

Emmett chuckled easily. "No worries, man. Don Everly will survive, and Bella will be your wife. And I couldn't be happier for you."

"Don't count the eggs yet," I warned. "Or turds, if you will."

"Ha! Good one. Anyway…" Emmett wrapped up the dissection, tying it up neatly as he stood. "This is all clear. Nothing but healthy puppy poop." He walked over to the trash can and deposited the bag and his gloves before extracting a sanitizing packet from his back pocket.

"What if it's still in there? Am I supposed to bring it to you every time he takes a crap?"

"Yeah, yeah. Bring it around to the fire station. I don't take enough taunting from the guys about me changing diapers."

We both had a chuckle at our dilemma. "I don't know. I suppose I could do this if I really had to."

"You could," Emmett agreed. "I never saw myself elbow deep in baby Dijon until Nathan came around. You do what you have to, dude. Bottom line. And if you're crazy enough about the subject doing the expelling, you'll even begin to not mind it. Take pride in it."

"Own that shit!" I teased him with a hardy laugh.

"I'm proud of everything our little man does. His mom, too," Emmett admitted softly. "Anyway, I have faith in you, Ed. Rose said you were great with the impromptu sink bath the other day."

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head in disbelief. "Why are babies so slippery? It's difficult enough to keep them still without grabbing them too roughly, but wet? It's nearly impossible! He squirms so much."

Emmett smiled at me. "Rosalie's always done the bathing," he confessed. "I haven't taken that risk yet."

Unbelievable. I'd done something for Nathan that even Emmett hadn't dared?

"You've got balls, man. But you've always been this way. There's nothing you can't conquer when you put your mind to it."

I sneered at him playfully. "Cut the shit, Em. I feel like you're gonna hug me again or something." It was easier to act like a disgruntled alpha male than to acknowledge that his compliment meant the world to me. Rather than hugging me, Emmett took it one step further, latching on and humping my leg while a couple of elderly ladies gasped as they exited a nearby car. They quickly conferred and got back inside, driving away and leaving us in stitches.

~ 0 ~

We got home much later than I'd anticipated. Still concerned about Don Everly, Emmett had taken us to a vet one of the guys at work used. I was worried that the stone might be lodged in his intestine and cause trouble down the road. After waiting two hours for a doctor, a quick x-ray put my mind at ease. No malachite present in the dog. If he had swallowed it, Emmett was right. Its final resting place was with the remains of Don's Puppy Chow waste. As an afterthought, we cajoled one of the staff members into some clipping on the side. I didn't want to show up at home late without appearing to have accomplished anything. Emmett stayed with him while the trimming was done. I couldn't bear to watch in case he didn't like it. I didn't hear any howling, so I presumed he was doing all right in there.

He emerged from the other room on all fours, tail wagging as vigorously as usual. I squatted down to give him the biggest hug he'd ever gotten from me. Yeah, I was proud of my brave puppy. I couldn't wait to tell Bella how well he'd done.

"Go show Bella your new look, Don," I said with excitement as I unleashed him inside the apartment. "No more clicking. No more scratching."

Bella accepted his greeting and gushed over his clipped nails. However, when I took a seat next to her, I got a cold stare.

"Sorry. It took longer than I thought."

"Apparently."

I cast my eyes downwards, feeling every bit like a little boy about to be scolded. "I should have called?" I suggested.

She made a grunting sound. "Or answered your phone."

I plucked it from my pocket. I hadn't felt it go off. "Dead," I announced after identifying the problem.

"Of course."

"I'm usually more responsible than this. I don't let the battery run out this way. I just wasn't expecting to be out all afternoon."

"And into the evening," she added quietly.

I had nothing to add. Saying I was sorry again seemedd to be futile.

"Dinner's ruined."

I squeezed my eyes shut and uttered another apology. Guess it wasn't pointless after all. "I'll go get us something. Or order in?"

I watched her eyes pinch together as she scrunched up her face.

"I'm sorry I ruined your dinner, Bella. Did you save it? I'll still eat it. I can go get you something, and I'll have what you made. Just please don't cry over it."

A snotty sounding snort came out as she shook her head. "It's not about a burnt dinner, Edward. I thought something happened to you and Don Everly. I thought you were dead."

"Fuck," I grumbled, knowing I should have been more considerate of her emotions. "God, Bella, I –"

She cut me off with a kiss. Her lips smashed roughly against mine even while she continued to sob and gasp for breath. I tasted her tears. I felt her torment. All I could do was attempt to soothe her and swear it would never happen again.

After placating her and sharing some more tender kisses, we ordered a pizza, shared a beer, and cuddled on the couch to watch TV.

"I think I'm gonna shower before we go to bed," I announced when the show we were watching ended. "We did a lot of running. I probably smell worse than Don."

Bella grinned at me before nibbling at my earlobe. "Probably. But I love you anyway."

"Stench and all?"

"It's kind of manly."

"This is good since I am a man." I drew some of her hair between my fingers, humming with delight. "So soft."

"I did a deep conditioning this afternoon. Soaked in the tub until I was waterlogged."

"Good. That's good. You deserved a relaxing time. But I guess it was ruined by me making you panic."

Looking ashamed, she pulled back. "That's not me, Edward. I won't freak out every time you go out. I don't want you to think you're on a leash with Don."

I shrugged. "As long as mine gets to be longer than his and you're on the other end, I'm fine with it."

Bella snickered. "I'd like to tie you up sometime. Maybe."

_Boing._

"I should shower." I stood before my penis jumped her on the couch. "Don looks content in his crate. I guess he's ready for bed as well." He was snoring softly on his bed in there, his paw flung over the doll he'd taken in.

"I love how he puts himself to bed," Bella agreed with a fond grin. "Easier than a kid, right?"

"Much," I agreed and then gave it a little thought. "I guess. I don't really know. I was a pain in the ass to get to sleep, but I didn't mind being in my room after Rose and Jasper went to sleep. Did you cause problems going to bed?"

"I don't remember. When Tanya was little, she'd do everything she could to avoid bedtime. This is why our puppy is the best of all puppies ever. And better than a real kid."

I agreed silently. Not only did he put himself to bed, but he'd never be able to talk and reveal to Bella that I'd taken his poo off to be examined and had him x-rayed for ingesting something I never should have left lying around in the first place. I sent another thank you to the Man upstairs for watching over us and getting Don Everly through the potential disaster.

"You ready for bed?" I asked Bella when she stood.

She nodded, taking my hand as we walked to the bedroom together. Don wasn't as fascinated with my undergarments, or any clothing for that matter, so I dropped the button-up shirt I was wearing on the floor before peeling my socks off. They joined my shirt. My glasses got set down carefully on the nightstand. When I tugged my t-shirt over my head, I saw Bella's blurry form sitting on the edge of the bed. She was silent and very still.

"You okay?"

"I… I –" She practically sprung the few feet between the bed and where I stood. Her arms wrapped tightly around my neck, and she kissed me like I was a deluxe bacon cheeseburger and she'd been on a diet for a decade. Her fingers wound upwards into my hair, tugging on it as her tongue explored my mouth. Her body seemed fidgety. She couldn't find a good position to get whatever she was seeking. I simply stood there, returning her kiss but letting her take the lead with everything else.

"God, I want you, Edward," Bella panted when she withdrew her tongue.

I moaned, deep and guttural.

"Fuck." Bella squirmed some more, her nails digging into the back of my shoulders. "Do that again."

"I don't think I can," I admitted with a chuckle. "It's kind of primal. I don't do it on purpose."

"Be primal then. I want you so bad." Her hands fell from my shoulders, and she took a half step backwards. Just far enough so she could get her hands in between us. Her fingers made fast work of my button-fly jeans. I was surprised they didn't fly off. I was more surprised when her hand dove right in to the front of my pants, right down to flesh. She found her target without any struggle, extracting my rapidly hardening dick and holding onto it with both hands. Her chest heaved, and her eyes locked onto mine. "Take those off."

I didn't have to ask her to elaborate on her demand. I shoved at the waist of my jeans roughly until they were below my hips, pulling my boxers along with them. Then I shimmied out of them, kicking them to the side with my earlier pile of discarded clothes. I inhaled sharply when she knelt in front of me. That primal moan she'd requested came forth. I'd never had a woman giggle while I was in her mouth. It sent shivers right through me.

"Fuck… Bella." I stroked her hair as she stroked me. I was the gentler one of the pair, and I was perfectly fine with that. Her head bobbed and her hands worked me over in the way I liked. She'd learned what sent me over the edge very quickly during our make-out sessions and extended foreplay.

Just before I could tap her on the head in warning, she released me with a loud pop, wiped her mouth and began stripping off her own clothes as adeptly as she'd undone my jeans. My dick pointed out to her. Nodding in the way it did in her presence. It said, _'That one. Yes, we want only that one.'_ I agreed, of course, but I wasn't as crude as my partner in crime. Bella deserved to be with a gentleman.

It was tough being a gentleman when the lady's leading me to the bed by my swollen partner. I chuckled like a teenager when I collapsed on top of her across the bed. I used my arms to brace myself over her so she wouldn't be squished. Her arms, however, kept trying to draw me closer. And her hips… oh god, her hips… they were moving in the most delightful way against me. Naked. Both of us naked. My dick so close to her… lady bits.

Although it was only in my head, the thought of 'lady bits' sent me into a fit of nervous laughter. It only ceased when the movement of my body due to the laughter made Bella issue her own primal sound. It wasn't a groan, but a sensual mewl. And it was fucking hot.

"I'm good to go," she declared.

"Yeah?"

"Really good. To go. Like… now."

"Bella… I kind of thought we'd do something special. I'm off for three days in a row next week. We could go somewhere."

"What about Don?"

"Right. Well, we could at least go out for an evening. Have a nice dinner. Do something romantic."

"This is romantic." Her lips trailed up and down my extended arm.

I groaned.

"This is special." Her lips left my arm and connected with my right nipple, which she bit. I gasped as she drew it out gently with her teeth before releasing it.

"That _is_ special," I concurred, gasping for breath. "Are you sure about this?"

"Are you?"

"Sure that I want you, and I love you… absolutely."

"Then let's go. I'm ready."

"You want to go out now?"

Her hands gripped my face as she tossed her head back and laughed. "Oh my god, I love you. Don't ever change, Edward."

Slightly embarrassed, but comfortable enough with Bella to laugh it off with her, I suggested a few places we might like to visit. The ice cream shop. The restaurant by the pier. The Safeway. Of course, she had no idea of the significance of that, but she laughed anyway.

"I really should shower," I whispered when our laughter turned to tender touches and soft kisses.

"We'll do that after."

"I love it when you take the lead." I teased her lovingly as I shifted my knees to urge her legs further apart. "Lead me, my love." I began to inch down, assuming she'd want me to return the favour, and well, it wouldn't have been an undesirable request. But she stopped me.

"Uh-uh. Don't you go anywhere. I've got you right where I want you and I'm not letting you go."

We kissed. Softly. And desperately. A little wistfully and a whole lot hungry for more. All the while, I positioned myself to her best advantage. She was currently using my hip to grind on and I figured I may come out of this with some minor friction burn. Her hips were frantic – moving more urgently than her lips and hands. In that moment, I recalled just how long it had been since she'd had sex. Rather than drawing out the competitive side of me – the one that should want to outdo my brother in the sack – I realized that as much as she may feel the need for full intercourse, I'd have to be gentle with her.

"Easy, honey," I whispered against her temple. I braced myself on one elbow off to the side so I could use my fingers on her. It was the first time any part of me would be inside her. She took my index finger greedily, bucking against me as I buried it inside. She sucked in a breath when I curled that finger, tickling her sweet spot. My thumb rested on her hot little nub, so ready for me. But was she? I withdrew my finger slowly, stopping to swirl around her slick tender parts before trying out two. That got a groan, a throaty chuckle, and a back arch. Okay. Maybe she was more ready than I figured.

Taking in a deep breath as I prepared to fulfill a dream I'd had for almost half my life, I looked into the sweetest, most loving eyes in the world. The tension that was building in my neck eased. My body relaxed – with the exception of my anxious friend between Bella's legs. I smiled lovingly at her, stroking her cheek. "I love you, Bella Swan. Always have. Always will."

We kissed as she bent her legs up for me. Her hands gripped my waist as I positioned myself just right. She opened herself completely to me – her eyes showed her love, her hands displayed the way she always took care of me, and her hips revealed the raw need she had for us to be together in every way. Finally.

I entered slowly, both of us gasping at the new sensation. Not knowing if her gasp was for the exact same reason as mine, I hesitated before pushing ahead. I didn't want this to hurt her in any way. I only wanted to make her feel as good as I was feeling.

"Is that all I get?" she asked tauntingly. "Just the tip?"

"There's lots more when you're ready," I replied with a soft chuckle.

"I'm so ready. Go for it."

I knew Bella was brave. Bella was strong. Bella was daring and adventurous. If Bella was assuring me that she was ready for all of it, then I had to listen with my head and not my heart. My heart was warning me to go easy. Go slow. Let her lead with actions rather than words. The heat around the bit of me inside her told me to believe in her words, but I couldn't go wild on her like I wanted. I couldn't give in to the animal lust that was coursing through us. I didn't know how her first time actually was, but I knew how I'd have done it if I'd been the one.

I bent my head down to kiss her lips as I rocked ever so slightly against her. In turn, she matched my actions with her own grinding, in perfect sync. I smiled, heaving a rattling sigh as she kept that pace even after I switched it up. Gentle thrusts were met with her dancing hips, and with each thrust, I eased in a bit further. When I was in far enough to go hands free, I braced myself on my knees and elbows, kissing the tip of her nose while I continued with the motion below. It was all I could do to keep from screaming out when I felt my balls slap against her perfect ass cheeks. She'd taken it all and was showing no signs of distress. In fact, she did let out her own sort of scream – another mewl that sent a euphoric rush through me. I was inside Bella. Bella and I were having sex. Bella was coming… I think. If the throaty whimpering she was doing was any indication, she was having a blast.

Her hands slid down to grip my ass, holding me tucked deeply inside for a few moments. When she relaxed her grip, she smiled coyly. Chuckling, gasping, tossing her head from side to side, and biting down on her bottom lip. "Oh. My. God." Her deep laughter was more encouragement than I'd ever needed to keep going. My confidence soared, and I was no longer the gawking, awkward kid who longed for the girl he couldn't have.

I pulled back slowly. Easing inch by inch out of her until she whimpered anew and grasped at my ass frantically.

"No, no, no! Where are you going?"

"Nowhere, honey. You've got me." I pushed into her with a small grunt. She saw my grunt and raised it a low moan. Low moan turned to loud moan and then all out panting in between thrusts and grinds.

We were moving as one. Fluid and electric all at once. She had a hold of my hair with one hand, tugging on it as we moved; the other hand was imprinting itself on my ass. Her nails dug into the flesh, causing a delightfully wicked feeling of ecstasy. I could feel beads of sweat rolling down the centre of my back. Our stomachs slapped together making ridiculous farting noises. I couldn't even think of laughing about it right then, but I certainly would later.

In that moment, I was aware of every nerve ending in my body and how Bella ignited all of them for me. Her lips that nipped and nibbled, hands that grasped, nipples rubbing against my chest. The fire between her legs was the heart of it of course, but the sweet sensations continued down even further. One foot was rubbing my leg so sensually, and in perfect rhythm with our thrusts and twisty grinds. God, even my own feet were being romanced somehow.

Somehow.

But how?

Pausing, I glanced behind me hesitantly. That was how.

"What's wrong?"

"Bella… I can't…"

"Oh! Yes you can! Edward, you were doing great! Fucking fantastic, actually. Don't go anywhere – this is us. Just be us. Please. Be with me."

"I want to. Christ, I want to. I just can't. Not like this."

The beautiful woman beneath me squirmed upwards, releasing my ecstatic dick without a hint of warning. It slapped angrily against my stomach. Bella looked mortified, hurt, and a little angry.

"No, no… Bella… it's not you. It's…" I knelt and slid off to the side as she pulled the sheet around herself. "Don. He's… licking my feet. I can't…" Shaking my head, I groaned. "I've never had a three-way, and I would certainly never have one with Don. That's just wrong. In so many ways."

Bella was suddenly in hysterics. Her entire body shook with her laughter as she wiped away the tears that mixed with the sheen of perspiration on her cheeks. When she looked at me, the love was still there. There was even more of it, if that were possible.

"I'm going to take him out. You wait here."

She nodded, still snickering at my debacle. When I stood, Don did as well, eagerly pacing around me. I knew he expected an invitation into our bed.

"Not this time, pal. This is a game for two. And you're not one of them."

He wasn't grasping my words. He still looked at me with his playful puppy eyes, full of expectation that we would include him in our game. He began doing his circles, his tail whipping my leg with each pass. Naked as I was, I began feeling self-conscious, and a bit fearful for my highly sensitive package. I glanced at Bella who was biting off a new fit of laughter. "What do I do with this?" I chuckled as I gripped the protrusion from my groin. "This is just so wrong. So, so wrong." I grabbed my boxers out of the pile of discarded clothes and tugged them on, carefully tucking my erection inside. It still forced the front of them outwards in an amusing way.

"You can't hide that thing, Edward. Don't even try."

I shook my head, laughing at the situation. "Come on, Don. Bedtime for you." I started towards the door, but he sat, purposefully staring at the bed. "No. No sir-ree. You are not getting up there. Come with me."

He looked at me, even if he didn't obey. Defiantly, he plopped down on his belly.

I heard a snort from Bella.

"Thanks for your help in this," I muttered.

"Here." She reached over the side of the bed before lobbing something at my head. "I don't condone this at all, but we need to get him out. Now."

I knew what I had in hand from the silky feel. I made a show of rubbing them against my palms, slipping them between my fingers, and eventually drawing them up to my face. I gripped them with my teeth, growling playfully at my woman in bed. She roared with laughter, and Don was instantly on his feet, barking at me.

"Possessive little shit, isn't he?" I grumbled with a smirk as I lured him out of the room with the panties.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Well? Is this better than a ring? ;) I know you've waited a long time for this (so have they, lol). I appreciate you waiting. _

_I've had queries about Marcus and Gianna's ages after it was revealed that Aro, Marcus and Gran were all friends back in the day. I figured I'd address that here in case more of you were wondering. Yes, Marcus is an old fart who married a much younger woman. When Bella agreed to be their surrogate, Gianna would have been in her 40's. Not unheard of to have a baby of her own, if she were able. Though Marcus should have been retired, like Aro, he loved his work. His young wife kept him much more youthful than Aro, however. There was no indication he wouldn't be around to raise their baby. So, yes - Marcus, Aro and Gran were close in age. Gianna, around Renee's age, was the perfect substitute mother for Bella. All clear now? _

_I must thank Shug for making time to beta read this in time to update for you today. I hope her efforts are appreciated by you all as well. :) Thanks for reading! XX ~ SR_


	35. Chapter 34

_A/N ~ What the what? It's not Monday, is it? Of course not. But I was fortunate enough that Shug found time to do what she does for me, and msj bubble-approved, so here it is. :) _

_In case you need a refresher, when we last saw our young lovers, they were entwined in the most intimate way until a third party joined it. Naughty, naughty DE! LOL I'll shut up now and let you get on with it. Thanks for reading. XX ~ SR_

* * *

><p><em><strong>True Love Way<strong>_

**Chapter 34**

It seemed to take forever to settle Don Everly down. I now had some idea of what Jasper had complained about during the days when Emily was a night owl. I wondered if she still was. I made a mental reminder to ask him about it the next time we spoke. If this was what it was like with kids, I wondered how anyone ever had more than one. When the hell would sex take place if there were constant interruptions? I also wondered if a little trip to the vet for a slight alteration would take the horniness out of our dog, or if he would persist with being perverted. I even had the most inane conversation with him out there, in which I asked if he ever wanted to have children. I imagined he'd make some really adorable puppies. But was that enough? All puppies are cute. But so many are abandoned and unwanted. Children are the same. Sure, there are fewer human children left to die in dumpsters than canines, but there are other ways to die. And some kids don't even give the relief of actual death – they live on even when they're dead on the inside.

"I bet your mom loved you, Don Everly." I spoke quietly when he finally settled into his crate. "I bet she didn't mean to leave you. Mine didn't. It was an accident. She had all the best intentions – she just wasn't ready to make a baby. She had plans for me, you know. She arranged for me to be loved and taken care of, even before I was born. I think your mom wanted that for you, as well. I hope she knows you're with us and sees how much we love you. I hope mine does, too."

It was ridiculous talking to a dog about this, but it was the first time I'd ever talked about my birth mother without feeling the angry stab of guilt followed by depression. I wasn't even misty-eyed. Perhaps it was finally time for me to let her go. I'd never forget about her entirely, but I felt I was in a place where the situation of my birth wouldn't dictate the remainder of my life. I had a feeling that until I accepted it and let go, Esme would not be able to either, and she didn't deserve the lifetime of torture over something we had no control of.

Don kept one eye open while I talked to him. I was stroking his head the way he liked while I spoke. It was some time before I realized he wasn't actually with me. I'd never seen him snore while he was awake. Chuckling, I gently closed his eye. He let out a deep sigh, banged his tail against the crate three times, and resumed snoring.

I'd fully expected Bella to be sound asleep when I returned to bed. Much to my delight, she was not sleepy at all and nowhere near done with our activities. Rather than picking up where we left it, she took the top spot, riding me like a champion after stripping my boxers off and slapping my ass. I came so hard I thought I may have burst a few blood vessels. It wasn't at all how I'd expected sex to be with Bella – no, it was better. Having the experience of pure, passionate sex combined with all the emotions of a loving relationship was superior to my other involvements in every way. This was love. True love.

Bella snuggled against my side as I lay in a state beyond euphoria. I had a vague notion that I should probably take a hit from my inhaler, just in case, but I couldn't be bothered with moving. My lungs felt fine. My lungs felt perfect. Everything felt perfect. Perfectly content. Relaxed. Ready for sleep.

"Edward?"

I grunted in response. I'd forgotten this part of sex. Did all women want to talk afterwards? It took all my energy to grunt, and Bella had done most of the work this time. Wasn't she tired?

"Edwarrrrd," she purred softly. "I know you're awake."

I hummed in agreement, running my fingers lazily up and down her bare back. "As are you."

"Edward…"

Why? Why did she insist on keeping us awake?

"Edward, marry me."

I chuckled in a dreamlike state. "Like I keep saying, Bella. Put a r–"

Her finger pressed against my lips briefly before she bolted out of bed. Through half-closed eyes, I admired the blurry vision of her bent over digging through her bag in the closet. She had the world's most fantastic ass. I had to remember to put my contacts in before we did this again. I wanted full vision.

"I should go for laser surgery."

"What?" Bella turned around, confused.

"For my eyes. I should do the laser surgery."

"I like you in glasses," she assured me with a sweet smile.

"But I like looking at you. I'd like to have a perfect view of you at all times."

"Sweet. You're so sweet." She closed the closet door and walked towards the bed. "I'm behind you on anything you want to do."

"I know that," I replied sleepily, and heavily in love.

"Do you know why?"

"Because I love you," I stated, closing my eyes once more. "More than anyone in this world ever could."

"And because I love you the very same way," she whispered near my head. "Edward, marry me."

Opening my eyes, I could see all I needed to. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes glowing. Her smile lit up the room. Her hair was a disaster. One sweaty side pasted to her cheek and the other matted up like a bird's nest. She'd never looked more beautiful to me, and I told her so.

"I don't think you're taking me seriously," she commented. "Would this persuade you?" She held up a small black box.

My heart began beating rapidly, rendering me more alert than an icy shower would. I rolled onto my side and braced myself up on my elbow. "Is that what I think it is?"

She popped it open, displaying exactly what I thought it was. "I hope you're not upset with me. I had this idea. I thought it was a really great idea – perfect for you. But the execution of it didn't quite go as planned."

"_You_ had my malachite stone!"

"I thought I'd be able to sneak it away and put it back before you noticed it was gone. I wanted the jeweller to take just a small portion of it, then round it out again, and you'd never even notice."

"I'd notice. That stone was practically attached to my palm for years."

"You're upset."

"I'm… relieved." I let out a laugh, promising to remember to tell her about my ordeal earlier, thinking Don had swallowed it. I also couldn't wait to tell Emmett he'd dug through shit for nothing.

"Is this silly? Tell me honestly. If you don't want this –"

"Bella –"

"– just tell me truthfully. I thought if you wore a piece of the stone this way, you'd always know that I've loved you from the beginning. You'd get the same solace from this, maybe more. Is it silly?"

"It's the most romantic thing I've ever heard of, and I'm completely jealous that I didn't have the creativity to come up with something like this myself."

She smiled, blushing further. "So…?"

"Are you seriously asking me to marry you?"

"I'm seriously asking you to marry me."

"You realize you're naked?"

She giggled in embarrassment but instantly grew bold. She stood before me, completely nude, sex hair a piece of art on its own, and took my hand. "Edward, will you please do me the honour of spending your life with me? Will you wear this and know that I'm committed to you? Devoted to you. Know that I love you for eternity? Will you please be my husband and love me every day we're together, just as you have from the day we met?"

"Hell yes." I sat up quickly. That wasn't enough. I kneeled on the bed, just as naked as she was, and pulled her against me. "Yes, Bella, I'll marry you. I'll be everything you want and need. I can't believe you did this."

"Put it on?"

I held my hand out for her. "I'm shaking," I said with a nervous laugh. "I'm fucking shaking." It didn't prevent her from sliding the ring on my finger. "I'm such a chick."

Smirking, Bella took her eyes off my hand. "For a chick, you've got an outstanding dick."

"Not at the moment. It fell asleep long ago. I'll have to break the news to it tomorrow. I'm afraid it missed the part where I committed it to you – along with myself – for eternity."

"It'd better already know that." She was teasing me. Bella, the girl I'd known and loved since my teen years, was here with me naked. Proposing marriage to me, naked. Holding my trembling hand, naked. Teasing me, loving me, promising herself to me forever. "Sweetie… are you crying?"

"Am I?" Looking at her, I realized she was more of a blur than usual. "Fuck. I am."

"Why?" she asked softly. "Can you tell me why?"

"Because… this is a dream come true? I dunno. I'm also a little pissed off at myself for procrastinating. I'd planned to get a ring for you next week. _I_ was going to propose. You beat me to it."

Gently, she brushed away the wetness on my cheeks.

"You've always been the brave one of this pair," I acknowledged.

"And you, the romantic."

"You think I'm romantic?" That made me grin. I'd always felt anything but. "I was going to brave jewellery shopping with Rosalie."

"I had a whole romantic evening planned for us. I was determined to romance you for a change. I made us dinner. I was going to be waiting for you in the bath while it finished in the oven. I was going to bathe you, feed you… then pop our proverbial cherries. We're virgins to each other, so we can do that."

"Damn…" A small laugh snuck out. "I'm sorry we ruined your plan. _Really_ sorry."

"That's why I was so grumpy earlier. It wasn't that you were out. You're allowed to go out. I want you to go out and live like you have been, only happier. And without other women."

"I thought Don swallowed my stone. I took him to meet up with Emmett. We dug through his crap to see if he'd voided it. He hadn't. So we took him to the vet and had him checked out. He's fine. As you know, he didn't swallow the stone." I hadn't meant for my story to come out that way, but it had. So much for 'later.'

Bella collapsed on the bed beside me, laughing. It could have been the story itself she found amusing, or the rapid change of topic. "You actually picked through his poop?"

"Well, Emmett did, yeah. I collected and then watched. I was scared shitless. Bad pun, I know."

"Oh, sweetie! You should have told me."

"And ruined things for you even more? No way. This worked out just fine, thank you."

I held her face as I kissed my beautiful girl. Then I pulled back to admire my new bling. She'd had small chips of the malachite stone embedded inside an etched Celtic knot.

"No beginning, no ending," she recited in explanation of the design. "The continuity of everlasting love and binding together of two souls. Esme told me you hail from Irish decent. Elizabeth had a necklace with this particular knot on it. When I searched the meaning associated with it, I thought it was written for us."

"It's perfect," I agreed with a raspy voice. Just when I'd decided to let go of grieving over my mother, Bella gave me something that tied her together with us for eternity. "My god, are you always so thoughtful with your gift-giving?"

She batted her lashes at me. "It's one of my talents."

"_You're_ perfect."

"So you're really not upset about your stone being destroyed?"

"Destroyed?" It felt like I had a softball sized chunk of malachite in my stomach. "You said the jeweller just took a piece of it."

"That was the plan. It didn't work. It's in pieces. Edward! I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I know that was irreplaceable. Can you forgive me?"

Fuck. It _was_ irreplaceable. I'd just had my best friend digging through shit to find it, and if he had, I would have cleaned it off and kept it. And probably kissed my friend.

My eyes darted down to the bits of my prized possession. "Nothing to forgive. I never have to worry about not having my stone with me. This ring is never coming off my finger."

~ 0 ~

We took the opportunity to share our news at a family dinner in Forks the following week. The family was ecstatic about our engagement, and more than a little amused that _I_ was wearing the engagement ring – no one more so than Charlie. I'd been in a panic over how he would react – not just to the engagement, but the fact that I hadn't stepped up and asked him for his daughter's hand in marriage and had a ring to give to her. I hadn't prepared enough. The familiar entertained look on his face helped me to relax. Then he threw out the punch line when he asked if I'd take Bella's name as my own.

Blushing, I'm sure, I laughed at his jeering and shrugged. That's when the world's most awkward hug took place. It wasn't a man hug. It was a full-on embrace, with the strength of an adult bear behind it.

"You've been the guy for my little girl all along. I'm proud to have you as a son-in-law." His voice cracked with emotion, and I wasn't sure if that was the only thing breaking up.

When he finally released me, I felt my side for cracked ribs. I was about to tease him back when I became aware of the tears in his eyes. Charlie – Chief Swan – was fucking crying in my arms. I could hear my mom's voice in my head telling me to relax, they were happy tears. When I glanced at her standing off to the side, tears pooling as well, her smile gave me the affirmation it was all good.

I joined Mom in the kitchen after dinner, helping her slice the pies for dessert.

"I'm so thrilled for you two," she announced, beaming. "I only wish Jasper and Alice were here for the news in person. Skype doesn't have the same effect for grand announcements."

Scratching at the back of my neck, I tittered. "Well, that's just it, Mom. Bella and I aren't really _grand announcement_-type people. We like things kind of quiet and personal."

She stroked my cheek lovingly. "It's more intimate that way."

I suddenly had a mental recall of Bella's naked proposal and felt myself flush again. We certainly hadn't shared details of the proposal, but yes, it was definitely intimate. "We haven't discussed the actual wedding, but it won't be like Rosalie's or Jasper's." I felt it safe to warn her that a big, formal wedding wasn't our thing. Of that, I was certain.

"Sweetheart, the venue doesn't matter one bit. It's the sincerity of the union. You'll do what's right for the two of you."

"You won't be upset…?"

She huffed and pinched the cheek she'd been stroking. "I'll pout, but I'll get over it. If anyone else has a problem with it, it's just that – their problem. Screw formality. Be yourselves."

I grinned at her affectionately. "Just say 'fuck it'?"

"Fuck _them_." She threw a wink at me as I feigned shock at her language. "It's your day. Do what you want to do. And Bella, of course. Please keep in mind that she is a woman, and sometimes you men don't know exactly what it is we women truly want."

"I don't know what kind of ring she'd want. That's why I haven't given her one yet," I confessed. "Rose is going to help."

"Why not Bella herself?"

I scoffed at the idea of taking my bride-to-be to purchase her ring. That's when it hit me – Bella had already shown me what she would like. "Mom, you're fucking brilliant!"

"I know that. But do watch your language," she teased as I hugged her. "Show your mother a little respect."

She knew that was something I'd always have for her. The fact that we could joke about it proved it. "Have I ever thanked you for being the greatest mom in the world?"

"Mm-hmm," she mumbled casually as she resumed pie service. "You gave me that lovely macaroni plaque stating just that, in what… fourth grade?"

"I spelled 'world' wrong," I replied with a sheepish grin. I remembered it well because it still hung in the hallway in all its glittery, gaudy glory.

"But you spelled 'mom' right, and that's what counts. Plus, your plaque was yours alone. The teacher had Jasper and Rosalie combine their efforts on their artwork. Silly woman. They are separate people for god's sake! I'm mother to each of them… to all three of you. Why do I only deserve two?"

"Mom, you deserve a million macaroni plaques. She was an idiot – proven by the fact that she didn't catch my mistake and let me fix it before it was gilded in sparkles for eternity."

I had the feeling that if I hadn't had this talk with my mother, I would have made the same grave error with Bella's engagement ring. I would have picked something huge and glittery, because I felt like she deserved something substantial, when really, Bella had very simple taste. After all, she was marrying me.

~ 0 ~

"This place is a little pricey, according to my boss' wife, but well worth it. They do excellent custom work." Rosalie took my arm as she swung the door open to the jeweller's a couple of weeks later. As each day passed, I'd felt like more of an ass for not dealing with this sooner. I hated to destroy the ring Bella had given me in any way, but if I had to alter it to retrieve even one chip of the malachite stone, I would.

"I know it won't be _the_ stone, Edward, but maybe they can get a piece of malachite similar." Rosalie knew me so well. I had told her of my plan to have Bella's ring crafted similar to mine because I didn't know how to go about making that happen.

My sister understood the importance of this stone to both of us. With that knowledge, she turned on her most charming smile and boldly approached the counter. "Hello. We're not going to waste your time viewing the rings under glass. We have something very specific that we would like to commission."

The fellow's eyes lit up and his polite grin turned genuine. "Wonderful. I love a challenge. What is it you have in mind?"

"A mate," I declared, joining them at the counter. "Not a duplicate, but something which compliments the original. It has to be malachite."

"Malachite?" Len, as his name tag read, perked up further. "No kidding. I worked with a piece of malachite just weeks ago. It's not a common request."

Rosalie's eyes caught mine, and we grinned. "Do you recognize this?" I held my left hand up for him to examine. His amused chuckle verified our thoughts – he was the same craftsman Bella had hired. "It's to be an engagement ring, for the woman who had this ring made. Can you come up with something?"

"A companion piece to your own ring? Made from the same stone? How very romantic."

"Well, not just malachite… it is an engagement ring. I think it should have diamonds as well."

"And the Celtic knot design?"

He was enthusiastic about this job, but I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted. My hesitation caused him to hold up a finger before he dashed into the room off to the side. He returned with a small velvet bag.

"Let's see what we have from the original. I kept the shards because it was such an interesting stone."

My heart raced as he gently poured the contents onto the counter. I wasn't sure if I wanted to punch the man for destroying my stone or kiss him for keeping the remnants. All I knew was Bella's ring would be made with it, and that left me elated.

"We can do something like this…" He carefully removed a gem from under the counter with long tweezers, setting it down on a dark cloth. His hand worked the tweezers expertly as he arranged small chips of malachite around it.

My eyes were trained on the largest chunk left in the stone pile. "What if it were reversed. Could we use this piece and have smaller diamonds around it?"

Beside me, my sister made a disapproving noise. Len remained still, as though he were in agreement with her.

"What? Just come out with it."

Rosalie shrugged. "You know Bella best…"

"We could use a lesser quality diamond if you're concerned about –"

"Price isn't a factor," I assured him hastily. Rose's behaviour had made me doubt my vision of Bella's ring. "You think she'll like this?"

"Edward, I can't choose for her. You know what you want."

"What would you want?"

She smiled sweetly. "My Emmett."

"Okay, okay. Don't get mushy." I chuckled at her obvious adoration for the man she'd married years ago. "As for a ring, you don't like this? Be honest, Rose. I'm not a girl. I don't know these things."

"Bella's a _woman_, Edward. And this _is_ her engagement ring. I like the diamond as the focal point."

"And you think Bella will?"

"I think anyone would be thrilled with that rock," she exclaimed with a smirk. Len nodded his agreement. "It's not just that though. It's the shape of that particular diamond. It almost looks tiered. Kind of like the stages of Bella's life, and how she's grown with everything she's been through. The centre is so crystal clear and pure-looking. It's Bella."

I took a really good look at the diamond for the first time. To me, a diamond was a diamond. I knew a lot of women would say the bigger the better, but Bella wasn't like that. This one wasn't huge, but I could now see what Rose saw in it. "It is Bella," I agreed softly.

"And you." She nestled up against me as her finger touched on one of the stone chips around it. "Look, you surround her. Keep her safe."

"Beautiful concept for an inscription, if I may intrude."

I'd almost forgotten Len was still there. "Inscription?"

"Yes, your young lady… Bella… struggled over the inscription she wanted on that one. I just thought I could offer some help in the event that you are alike in that manner."

"Oh, they are!" Rosalie let out a laugh.

My mind left them momentarily. Once again, my sister had seen something in this design that made it perfect. It was us. My love for her, unending and complete. It was perfect. Len's comments then took over. Bella had an inscription put into mine? I hadn't seen it. But it hadn't come off my finger since she'd placed it there. What did it say? She'd put thought into it, and I'd come with nothing.

"True love surrounds you for eternity," I blurted. Len and Rose ceased their conversation. "That's what I want it to say – the inscription."

"Perfect," Len acknowledged with an approving grin. We got down to business then, placing just the right chips of malachite all around the shimmering diamond. Len recommended it be set on a narrower band than mine, to make it more feminine. We would reserve the Celtic knot for her wedding band. He would make it encircle the entire band so there truly was no ending to it. My own band would be smooth. I didn't want anything fancy. Inside both bands would be the word, _'Mine.' _No point in procrastinating, I commissioned all three rings from Len with his word that he would have them ready for me the following week. I didn't doubt his word – the fact that I'd put down double the amount of the deposit he requested pleased him, and he appeared genuinely excited about working on them.

"Good thing I've lived simply for the past decade," I quipped as I stuffed the receipt into my wallet back in the car. "That cut into my savings."

"Good thing your future wife is worth a fortune then, huh? Here, this was going to be your wedding present, but since Len refused to take payment for it, I'll just give it to you now."

My smile couldn't be contained. In my hands was the small bag that held the remaining pieces of my malachite stone. I'd been blessed not only with the greatest mom in the world – or word, as my macaroni had spelled out – but I also had the greatest sister.

Arriving at Rose's home, Mom greeted us in the driveway, happily bouncing Nathan on her hip. I stepped out of the car to spend a moment with her so she wouldn't keep me on Skype all night. I'd brushed her off when I'd picked up Rosalie to ring shop. I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before peering down at my nephew. He had both hands stuffed into his mouth.

"Kid's got a big yap. There's a whole lotta fingers in there. At least four from one hand, and one, two –"

"Wow, Edward. Did you not learn your lesson with Alice? Not cool to criticize a baby in front of its mom. My son does not have a big yap. If anyone here is guilty of that…" One eyebrow arched at me. It was a little less sculpted than normal. I noticed for the first time that she wasn't wearing any makeup at all. I was well used to heads turning in admiration when I was out with my sister, and today had been no exception. She didn't require makeup to enhance her natural good looks. She had something else – something I couldn't put my finger on until she interacted with Nathan. Her confidence was back. She was this boy's mom, and nothing would change that.

"You're beautiful, do you know that?" My blurt was full of sincerity, but it received an eye roll from the recipient of my comment and a chuckle from our mother.

"Does that usually work with her, sweetheart? I always call you on your BS – not that you're not beautiful – you truly are."

I smiled as Mom backtracked. "She is. Not as beautiful as her mother, of course." I ducked the swat she threw my way and wrapped my arms around my sister's waist. Standing behind her, we both stared down at Nathan. He plucked one hand away from his mouth long enough to attempt a smile. He was such a pleasant baby.

"You do know this little guy is going to grow up to be me. An overgrown mama's boy."

"With any luck." Rosalie smiled contentedly.

"That's all we'll have in common. He won't be as awkward as me. Or sickly. He might have some premature balding issues. Is he losing hair? Didn't he used to have more?"

"Edward! My god… you were doing so well, and then you start dissing his hairline?"

"I'm just saying."

"Who's got the big yap?"

I opened wide and pretended I was going for her head before ducking down to place a kiss on Nathan's somewhat balding head. He had more hair when he was born. I was certain of that. "Let's see that big yap of yours, Nathan. Open up." I demonstrated for him. He stuffed one saliva-covered fist in it, much to my shock and dismay.

"Aw! He's sharing!" Rosalie and Mom cracked up as I quickly retreated, wiping my mouth off on my shirt tail.

"Gotta go."

"Need some mouthwash?" Rose called after me.

"Funny." I opened my car door and got in.

"Baby wipe?"

"I've already got some, smarty pants."

Her eyes widened before she broke into another round of laughter. "I thought Emmett was joking about that! You honestly drive around with wipes in your car now? How very anal of you."

"Wow, you are so witty today. Wipes… anal… I get your joke. Witty, Rose. Truly." I put the car in reverse, preparing to back out. "Thanks for today."

Rose simply smiled at me. She had never required a 'thank you,' and that made it even more important to say it to her.

"Do you have to go so soon? I thought you could stick around for a little visit."

Despite my mother's hopeful look, I shook my head. "Sorry. Not today. I'm on nights. Gotta catch a nap before work. I'll drop by in the morning."

"Bring Bella!" she shouted as I backed up and pulled onto the street. I gave a wave and drove off.

I'd only driven a couple of blocks before my curiosity got the better of me. I pulled over and stared at my hands on the steering wheel. They gripped it tightly for no apparent reason. I wasn't even aware I was clenching them until I looked. Pre-wedding jitters already?

"Shut the fuck up, stupid brain. There are no jitters. I've never been surer about anything in my life. I want this. I'm marrying Bella. It's better than I ever dreamed."

I relaxed my grip. Wet my lips. Why was my mouth so dry?

"This is ridiculous. Just look at the inscription. Take the ring off and read it."

My hands didn't move on their own.

"It never has to come off again. Just slip it off, read it, put it back on."

Still no movement.

"Shit."

My head slammed against them on the steering wheel. I gave it a few more whacks before taking a deep breath and removing my hands as I sat erect. They trembled as I touched the ring. I tried to stop them by rhythmically turning the band on my finger. I wasn't working.

"Shit!" I huffed in frustration at my own neurosis. If I didn't stop shaking, something was more likely to happen to my ring while it was off, and it was coming off. I needed to see the inscription. I rolled up the window, just in case it decided to suck the ring right through it like a giant vacuum. Swiftly, before I lost courage, I slipped the ring from my finger.

My glasses slid down my nose as I tipped my head to see inside. It was too damned difficult to see the inside of a band. Why the hell did people put messages inside this way to begin with? Who was the first person who thought it would be a good idea to inscribe tiny letters inside a small circle? It had to have been a joke. The artist was trying to drive the recipient crazy. Or pull one over on them – like a 'kick me' sign.

That struck me as funny for some unknown reason. The laughter began and kept going until my hands no longer shook, but I was getting a look from a pedestrian passing by. I waved and leaned back in my seat, ready to take another look.

"What message did you have for me, Bella? Is it a kick me sign? Does it say I should put my glasses on? Well, they're on. And I see…"

I turned the ring slowly reading her message over and over. My face felt tight from the smile it wore, and I realized I was no longer reading, but merely reciting the words in my head. I couldn't see the tiny letters anymore. Everything was blurry.

"True love, from day one to the end of time."

The sentiment was so similar to the inscription I'd chosen it amazed me. Maybe I was more romantic than I thought. Or maybe Bella and I were just so alike we knew what the other wanted to say. Carefully, I slipped the ring back on and proceeded home. I made a quick call to let Bella know I was on my way. With any luck, I wouldn't be getting in much of a nap.


	36. Chapter 35

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 35**

"Bella, I don't mean to be rude –"

"Oh my god – were you not done?" She slapped her sweat-laden forehead and cringed. "It's like clearing the table as soon as I'm finished, when you're still picking at the bones."

I chuckled at her comparison of a meal to sex. "Not exactly. I don't pick your bones clean. Anyway, yeah, I'm done for now. Unless there's something else I can do for you during down time."

"No, I already feel selfish. I'm on seconds before you're even at the main course."

"You're making me hungry," I teased in a light tone.

"And I've made you lose your train of thought. What were you going to say? Do you want me to do something, but you're too shy to ask? You don't have to be shy with me."

"I'm not shy with you." I placed a kiss on her forehead. Her warm thighs felt like a haven wrapped around my waist, but I was too sweaty to feel totally comfortable.

"I'm just saying…" Bella rolled onto her side as I stretched out beside her. I grabbed my discarded shirt to mop my forehead. Bella used the other end to do the same. "If there's something you're into, I'll give it a shot. I don't really know what I like or dislike but I trust you."

My alter ego – currently slung limply over my leg – perked up. Attempting to speak, my voice cracked slightly. "What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know. What are you into? It's probably better if you tell me so I can prepare myself for it."

I cracked a grin. "What do you think you'd have to prepare for?"

She shrugged. Her eyes never wavered from mine. I loved that about her, her confidence. It also showed she truly did trust me. "I could look it up. Get some tips. You know, learn about… whatever, so I don't disappoint you."

"Bell-laaa…" I pulled her into my arms, my damp t-shirt between us. "You could never disappoint me."

"I just don't want you to get bored with me or think there's a certain way we have to do this or whatever. You could teach me. I'm a fast learner." She quickly turned a potentially mushy moment into a comical tease. As always, she put me at ease to ask my question.

"No, it's nothing like that. It's just something I'm curious about, something I've been wondering."

She placed her lips against my ear and whispered, "Yes. I'm really coming every time you think I am. No faking necessary – you're that good."

"You're really easy," I blurted. Sometimes being at ease wasn't the best case scenario for me. I realized how that sounded when she jolted back and out of my arms. "I don't mean _you're_ easy… because obviously, you're not. I've waited twelve years to get in your pants, all the while you were wanting in mine, so clearly… you're not _easy_."

Her eyebrow was arched at me. I hadn't dug myself out of the hole quite yet.

"It's just… for someone who's only been with one other guy…"

She lost the indignant look, replacing it with something more like remorse. Was she sorry she'd told me that? Or sorry she'd ever slept with Jazz?

I pressed on. It was too late to stop. "You orgasm really quick. And easily. It's like I don't even have to work at it. There have been times where I felt I was in a marathon. Coming up in the rear but too stubborn to quit." I paused. "That didn't sound right. I just mean that the others –"

"Edward, stop doing that."

"Stop doing what?"

"Stopping yourself from just saying what you want to say. I know you've been with other women. You don't have to clam up about it."

"I thought that made me sound like I've had dozens of women in my bed. I haven't."

"You're not a man whore, I know."

I smiled softly at her. "My past girlfriends didn't make it easy for me. And I'm pretty sure the first one faked it every time."

"I never came with my first boyfriend, so you're probably right."

It was my turn to arch a curious brow.

"You heard me right."

My smile grew.

"Don't look so cocky. I was young."

"But he was experienced."

"Not with me," she countered. "Every woman is different. I don't really want to talk about sex with– my first boyfriend. I know I brought it up, but I don't want to go into detail."

"I don't want you to go into detail," I assured her. It was enough to know that Jasper hadn't had the success I'd had with this particular undertaking. "I just want to know how you can come so easily."

"Practice." It was her turn to smile smugly. "I spent a lot of time with myself, Edward. I know me inside and out."

"Girls masturbate?" I'd like to say I was joking, but I wasn't – not entirely. "I mean… that much? I know they do, but I – I should shut up."

She was chuckling at me. "I probably did it as much, if not more than you."

"Not possible." I shook my head, but truthfully, just the thought of Bella touching herself like I did turned me on.

"I'd introduce you to my silicone ex, but I threw it out when I did my last tour of the house in Phoenix."

A dildo? Bella had a fucking dildo?

"Ned was very capable. Very reliable. I'll never forget him, but I no longer need him."

A dildo.

A dildo which she named.

Named… Ned?

"Ned?"

She nodded. "As in nnnnnot-Edward, because that wouldn't be appropriate to think of you while I was doing that, but it was impossible not to. He became Nedward, then Ned once we got to know each other better."

"Bella, that's both the most hilarious and stimulating thing I've ever heard."

She shrugged, giving me an easy smile. "That's me. Hilarious –"

"And so fucking stimulating," I finished for her. "You are."

"By the way, don't tell Ned, but you're more adept at finding all the right spots than he ever was."

"It's like a cruise missile and you're my only target."

"Heat seeking?"

I kissed the smirk from her lips. "You're its homing device."

"Awwww!"

We kissed in between laughing. At some point I tugged the now-stiffened shirt from between us and paid homage to her perfect breasts.

"Easy there," she whispered, gently stroking my hair. "They're tender."

Briefly, I wondered if she was still capable of lactating. I then noticed the angry purple spot on the side of her right breast. Examining the hickey closer, I placed a soft kiss on it and let them be for the night. "Sorry. I get carried away."

"Don't be sorry. And listen, while we're asking questions that may or may not be rude, I've been wondering about something as well."

"Shoot." I covered my yawn, flipping onto my back and adjusting my pillow. I was getting used to Bella's little post-coital chats. I knew sleep wasn't happening soon.

"Well…" Her fingers walked the trail from my chest to my groin before they gently poked at the resting soldier below. She picked it up and gently tossed it to the other side, then repeated before making it helicopter in rapid circles.

"Um, it's tender too," I commented sleepily. "Be gentle."

Her hand cradled it, gently caressing the shaft with her thumb. Was she expecting another round? I wouldn't mind one, but there didn't seem to be much enthusiasm coming from the sausage she was holding.

"It looks like a sausage in your hand."

Bella mumbled an agreement. "Bratwurst."

"Better than a breakfast sausage."

Another sleepy mumble. "Definitely a brat, not breakfast."

"Ever had a brat _for_ breakfast?"

She tipped her head back, resting her cheek on my chest as she smiled up at me. Her free hand traced circles in the hair there. "I love how you're so comfortable with me. Dirty boy."

"What's your question? We're gonna fall asleep before you get to it."

"Right." She cleared her throat as she turned her attention south once more. "I wasn't expecting you to look like this. Ned didn't look like you at all. I always imagined you and he were very alike."

I knew exactly what she was talking about, and I appreciated that she put Ned in place of my brother for this query. "Well, Isabella, no two penises are alike, but I do understand how you would think that Ned and Ed would be at least similar."

"I know you're not blood related –" I felt her release a gust of air from her lungs. "This is stupid. I shouldn't be asking you about this."

"We were raised by the same family," I responded softly. "One would expect that if one son were circumcised, the other would be as well."

She gazed up at me curiously. There was gratitude in her eyes for not making this difficult. "Is it because Esme was in the hospital after your birth? Was it too late to have it done or something?"

"Um, Bella… if you're subtly trying to tell me you prefer circumcised penises, I have to tell you I'm not having it done now. Or ever."

Her laughter told me she wasn't after that.

I whistled out my relief.

"Trust me, I'm not complaining. If you hadn't noticed, I'm rather fond of your penis as is. I just find it strange that Esme and Carlisle did everything possible to make their three children equals – one no different than the other. Didn't you feel different because of this?"

Smiling, I shook my head. Affirmation that my penis was preferred boosted my confidence and turned me rather talkative. "Actually, this was the one thing my brother was the odd man out with. We noticed very early on that we were different that way. I just assumed it was like everything else – my hair's different, my eyes, body shape, and so on. After we stopped bathing together, it was kind of forgotten until puberty hit. Call it sibling rivalry or whatever, we had a habit of comparing… certain developing traits and whatnot."

"You competed over whose schlong grew faster?" There was a mix of shock and amusement in Bella's face.

"Brothers do these things, Bella. Jazz came to me all excited the first day he grew a pube. When I dropped my shorts to show him I had a small crop already, that's when the competition really grew. No pun intended. I developed physically before Jasper, and it bugged his ass. He always said I had extra skin advantage." I paused to chuckle smugly. It was one area I always bested my brother in. "It wasn't until we were on vacation, changing into our swim trunks with Dad that we noticed I wasn't the different one. He sat us down and explained how that happened.

"Apparently, Jazz had some issues down there when he was a baby. He wasn't retracting properly and got a pretty bad infection. I still remember his face as Dad told us about how he took him to the urologist, and how Jazz screamed bloody murder through the procedure. He was around two years old at that point. Neither of us had any recollection of it, but I was queasy just hearing about it."

"Poor Jazz." There was some definite sarcasm in her statement of pity. I guess women really do wish ill health on male genitalia for any hurt caused by said man. Lucky for me, I would die before I hurt Bella so my junk was safe.

"That was the first time in my life I was glad to be me and not my brother. A case of 'I'll stick with my awkwardness if it means I have my intact penis.'"

The hand on my chest moved to stroke my cheek. "I'm glad you're you every day. Always." Her lips nuzzled my chin. "By the way, your cruise missile – intact penis – tops both Jasper and Ned. I'm one helluva lucky gal."

I slept with the satisfaction of knowing that I pleased my lady. Me. It was one thing to be pleased with myself, but it felt phenomenal to be appreciated by the woman I loved as well.

~ 0 ~

"Give me ten minutes," I hollered out when I barrelled through the front door. Bella was on the balcony with Don Everly, most likely camped out there to watch for me coming home from work, but I wasn't on foot and the parking lot was out view from our apartment.

Today, I had driven because there was a very important errand to run during my lunch break. After a minor delay, the rings I'd commissioned were finally ready. And I was more than ready for Bella to have her own token of our love on her finger. I didn't want to just hand it to her, and I couldn't top her naked proposal so there was no point in trying. Instead, I would romance her.

I, Edward Cullen, was taking my beloved Bella on an actual date.

After a quick, but efficient shower, I dashed into the bedroom to dress. I was buttoning my shirt when familiar arms wrapped around my waist from behind.

"Mmm, you smell fantastic," she murmured against the nape of my neck. "Are you sure you want to go out?"

"Keep moving your lips on my neck that way and I could be persuaded to strip again." I twisted around to return her hug but pulled back when I saw her. I had to take a moment to take it all it.

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head, chuckling. "Absolutely nothing. Bella, you… you take my breath away, you are _that_ beautiful." I stroked her blushing cheek. That only added to her beauty.

She was wearing a slim-fitting, cream dress that showed off the tan she'd gotten from her long walks with Don, as well as her gorgeous legs. It ended mid-thigh, making her legs seem a mile long. It was also the first time I'd noticed how quickly her hair was growing. She had parts of it swept up into a messy knot, the loose pieces falling in soft curls around her face and shoulders. There was no evidence of a four inch scar under the silkiness. Gazing downward once more, I noticed there was no sign that she'd had a baby just months earlier either. In fact, it was really difficult to even remember what she was like with a huge belly.

"You look beautiful," I repeated. "Truly. Everyone will wonder what you're doing with a slob like me."

She smiled for me as my heart did flips. As I had frozen in place, her fingers made quick work of the remaining buttons on my shirt. "No way. You are the most handsome man I've ever known. This is my favourite colour on you. You look amazing in blue. You were wearing blue my first day at Forks High."

"I was?"

"You were."

"How do you remember that?"

She smirked at me as she flipped my collar up to work on my tie. "Because when you were walking across the cafeteria, I thought, 'That's the cutest boy I've ever seen, and he's even cuter because he has no idea how attractive he is.'"

"You're full of shit." I called her on it with a hearty laugh. "I was probably in something black. Or grey."

"It was blue," she asserted.

"If you say so."

"You wore a grey t-shirt with a short-sleeved blue shirt over it when you came to Phoenix the first time. It was the first time I'd seen you since you'd lost weight and really grown into a man." She expertly knotted my tie and drew it into a perfect knot before straightening my collar. "A gorgeous man in blue with a sweet heart is my downfall."

I stared at her in wonderment. Not only had she remembered – with clarity – how I'd looked on those days, but she'd liked it. When I had looked in the mirror back then, I'd seen nothing appealing about myself at all. Admittedly, I wasn't too bad now, but back then? "You're going to inflate my ego," I warned. "Will you still love me if I'm full of myself?"

"You couldn't be full of yourself if you tried. But I do find it adorable when you pretend to be. I think, Mr Cullen…" Bella paused to make one final adjustment to my collar. "I'm just completely enraptured with you, and nothing can change that."

"Even if you have to spend the rest of your life fixing my tie when we go out?" I examined her perfect knot in the mirror. "How did you learn to do this anyway?"

"Charlie," she replied. "I learned for my dad. Do you know he had _one_ tie? My mother tied it for him, and he just loosened and tightened it every time he wore it over the years. He got a new one for graduation and had no idea how to tie it."

"Sweet," I purred, mocking her in the most loving of ways. "Daddy and Bella getting ready for grad together."

"You're going to leave this one tied, aren't you? You're teasing me, but deep inside you've stored the best tie solution and you'll follow Dad's lead."

I quirked an eyebrow at her. "Come with me." I led her to the closet where I had my tie collection – all three of them. All purchased for specific occasions – two weddings and a christening. They were all pre-knotted. "Do you see why Charlie and I get on so well?"

We left for our date still laughing. I was on a high knowing that my fourth tie purchase was for the best occasion of all, and it wouldn't be permanently knotted. I'd forever have Bella to make me right.

Bree was coming out of her apartment as we were. She gave us a quiet wave.

"Probably wise to head out. We're out for the evening so there may be a little howling."

Bree smiled politely at my joke. "I'm just heading to work. I had to take a second job now that I don't have a roomie." Her voice was nasal-sounding, drawing my attention to her red nose.

"Are you not feeling well?" Bella asked with sincere concern. She'd told me she always pictured Bree as a little sister. Bella would have been a great sister. "You should have told me. I could have made you some soup."

"And Jell-O," I added. "She makes great Jell-O."

Bree smiled sadly. "I wish it were a cold. This can't be cured with soup."

"Bree? Are you okay… really?"

The small girl shrugged, obviously struggling to hold back tears. "Maybe we can talk tomorrow?"

The girls set up a time as we all headed down the stairs. Bree wished us a good evening out and gave Bella a hug before she left for work on foot.

"I'm not going to let Bree put a damper on our night out, but I am concerned about her."

I was, as well. The few times I'd seen her since her roommate had moved out, she hadn't been herself. I figured she was just missing her. "She's probably lonely over there. We should invite her over for movie nights or something so she doesn't start howling like Don – what?" Bella was staring at me oddly.

"This is one change in you that I'm liking a lot. Social Edward."

I chuckled as I opened the car door for her. "What? I have friends. You've met Ben…"

She slapped her forehead as she sat back. "Don't remind me. And don't even think of welcoming Bree into our home with you wearing only an apron."

"Please." I let out a disbelieving snort. "I was thinking of just a tie."

I never had my nipple tweaked by a woman on a date in rebuttal to my jokes. I took that as a definite sign of good times to come.

~ 0 ~

I'd booked us on a dinner cruise for our very first official date. The air was warm and still, and the sky was clear for a change. It provided us with a remarkable display of stars. The moonlight reflected off the ripples in the water. The most beautiful spectacle of all, however, was my girl. Bella looked radiant as she chatted with the couple at the next table. I sat back and admired the full turn she had made – she was back to the girl I'd known in high school, all confident and cheerful in any situation. Another thing Aro would be pleased to know he was right about – she had needed time and reassurance to get back to her old self.

The couple Bella befriended were old enough to be our grandparents, but that didn't mean we had no common interests to maintain conversation. Carmen was born and raised in Phoenix and was enthralled with the size of my White Ghost. Bella, unbeknownst to me, had snapped a picture of it on her phone and pulled it out to show off. While the desert botanists discussed cacti, Eleazar filled me in on his background as a field medic in the National Guard. We compared then-and-now emergency care until dinner was served.

I slipped over into Eleazar's seat next to Bella when he vacated it after dinner to dance with his wife. "They're a sweet couple," I commented.

"He rarely takes his eyes off her," she added. "Almost fifty years together, and they're still very much in love. You can't write shit like that."

"I've got a twelve year head start. I know I'll still be gawking at you in thirty-eight years. And fifty-eight, for that matter. You truly are beautiful tonight, Bella." I was pumping out enough cheese for an extra-large deep dish pizza, but I meant every word of it. "You _really_ can't write this shit."

Bella snickered affectionately with me. "Know what else you can't write, but you're living proof of? A gorgeous, sweet guy only getting better with age. Every time I walk into a room on your arm, I feel like gloating. _Yeah, this is MY man!_"

Before I could wimp out – or whimper after her ego-boosting praise – I extracted the small box from my jacket pocket. "I hope I do this right." I cringed as my voice cracked. When I looked at Bella, her eyes were misting up. She grabbed onto my hands as they clenched the box. "I mean, officially, you did this already, so it should be a no-brainer. I just want it to be as memorable as your proposal."

"Oh my god…" Bella removed one hand to fan herself. I stared at her momentarily, wondering why girls did that. Did waving your hand prevent tears from flowing? I'd have to try it the next time I pussied out. "No, Edward, no. Don't go somewhere else. Stay on track."

My mouth dropped open as if to speak, but all words were lost.

"Stay with me. Keep going."

Her gentle encouragement made me grin. My grin made her smile and emit a tiny wet snort. God, this woman could not be more perfect for me. Just like that, I was in love with her all over again and back with the program.

"I've loved you from the beginning," I told her softly as we turned to face each other. "You know that now. And you should know that I will love you until the end. You're perfect Bella – not perfect… I mean, nobody's _perfect_. Your nose runs when you cry. If you don't get eight hours sleep, you get puffy dark circles. And sometimes, your feet are a little rough when they rub against my leg when you're sleeping. We should get some heel balm or something. At the very least, one of those scrubber thingies."

She was staring at me oddly.

"I've gone again, haven't I?"

She nodded.

"Sorry. We can discuss your feet later. Everything else is great. Soft. Smooth. And you never smell – did you know that? Not even your feet."

"Edward…" Bella chuckled as she pressed her forehead to mine. "I adore how you express yourself."

I frowned slightly. "I shouldn't be talking about your feet at all right now, right?"

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Maybe you should just love me until the end of time."

"I plan to."

"And give me my ring."

We stared into each other's eyes as I opened the box, withdrew the freshly made piece of art and slipped it on her finger. "I adore you, Bella Swan. Today and always. Marry me."

She let her kiss speak for her. It was all-consuming. It made everyone and everything on the boat vanish. We were in our own little bubble with kneading fingers and slick tongues. The only sounds were our heavy pants and occasional moans. And the odd sniffle-snort-sound. Bella was still crying. Or was it me? Did it matter who it was? They were happy tears.

"I do believe someone just got engaged."

The bubble popped.

Bella slid back slightly, blushing furiously but unable to contain her smile as Carmen leaned down to kiss her cheek.

"Congratulations, sweetheart. You'll be very happy, I'm sure. This young man looks at you the way my Eleazar would look at me when we were first married. You'll be _very_ happy." Her salacious wink cracked me up. Clearly, the secret to fifty years of true love was good sex throughout.

"I already am happy," Bella proclaimed, seemingly unaware of Carmen's innuendo. That drew out laughter from all three of us while she looked on in confusion. "I am happy. Edward can keep at it for a lifetime."

Poor Eleazar had tears streaming down his cheeks from laughing, and Carmen clenched her stomach. I buried my face. I wasn't ashamed – in fact, I was thrilled that for the first time it was Bella running off at the mouth instead of me. Perfect.

"What is so funny? I know what you mean, Carmen. I get all mushy inside when Edward looks at me. He was commenting on Eleazar's affectionate looks earlier… I get it. I think I always have gotten it. Maybe it's the way he's always looked _into_ me that made me feel safe with him – that made me want him to love me the same way I did."

Bella's sincerity brought our laughter to a halt. Carmen gave her cheek a tender sweep before reaching for her hand. "Let's have a look at this ring of yours. It says a lot about the man who gave it."

Bella looked at it for the first time, and any lingering naughty thought I had of Bella's misunderstanding was gone. Her eyes glistened. Her lip quivered. And the right hand was waving about incessantly once more. I had to stop it.

"Bella…" I pulled her hand down and held it on my knee. "I took a big chance with this. I probably should have let you select something you wanted –"

She was shaking her head. Wiping at her cheeks with the thumb of her free hand. It was shaking. The hand I held was, too. Since she seemed unable to speak, I pressed on.

"I wanted something that would tie us together forever. The stone was it for me. I hope it will be for you as well. If you don't like it –"

"Stop!" Her hands flew up to my face, gripping my cheeks. "I love you, Edward. I love you. And it's… perfect."

She kissed me again, stopping only to look down at her ring once more. The eye makeup she'd so carefully applied was smudged under her eyes, and her cheeks no longer needed artificial colouring. There seemed to be wetness everywhere, but she was still gorgeous. Except for…

I drew my arm across her mouth, quickly removing the offending sight. "Snot bubble," I whispered. She blew another one with her snorting laughter.

"You know, here's an idea for your first wedding anniversary –"

Our proverbial bubble we were in once more popped with the sound of Eleazar's voice rather than my sleeve. We both looked up at him.

"This outfit offers novelty weddings. You can book a cruise and renew your vows with loved ones around, or complete strangers, or all on your own if you've got enough cash." He snickered good-naturedly. "Ship marriages are only that, you know – novelties."

"Now, if you were to have my Eleazar hitch you up, that's another story."

Our heads turned to Carmen in confusion.

"He's a retired minister. Non-denominational. As long as you believe in true love and the Holy Man upstairs blessing you, you're as good as married with his say-so."

Bella and I looked at each other. My heart raced in the best way possible as my grin grew wider than ever. I lifted my eyebrows at her quizzically.

"Let's do it," she mouthed, a massive smile gracing her face as well. "Eleazar? Will you please marry us?"

The kind man stammered, moping his brow. "Oh, now honey, I think the missus misled you. You still need to go through with this the legal way. You need all the papers and the technical stuff before –"

I shook my head, staring into my Bella's eyes. "We've got true love, the Man Upstairs, as well as Gran and a beautiful woman named Elizabeth watching over us. That's all we need. Oh, and I've even got the wedding bands in my pocket. I picked them up together. Marry us. Please?"

"Marry us," Bella agreed emphatically, our fingers intertwined and holding onto each other for dear life.


	37. Chapter 36

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 36**

"They're going to kill us."

I smirked, cranking the wheel to take us off the interstate and into Forks. "Regretting marrying me already, are you?"

"Shut up. You know what I mean." I was relieved when she stopped chewing on her thumbnail long enough to smack me. "You haven't said anything? Not even a hint?"

"Nope."

"Maybe you should've said something to Emmett. We know he has a big mouth. He wouldn't be able to keep it from Rose. And Alice. And if he didn't tell your parents, then Alice would. And of course, your parents would tell my dad –"

"Stop worrying. We're adults. They have no say in how we choose to live our lives."

Don Everly bayed from the backseat. The wind was no longer whipping his ears around since I'd slowed down, and he wasn't happy about that.

"Riiiight, Mr. Cool and Collected. Who was muttering, 'don't be mad, pleeeease don't be mad' all night in his sleep?"

Another howl rang through the car. He was no longer a malnourished but energetic puppy. Full grown, he was a beast with a howl that could wake the dead. Luckily, he reserved it for the car so we hadn't been evicted… yet.

"It wasn't Don," I admitted. "Blow on his ears, would you? He's gonna deafen me."

Bella reached around and gave his ass a tap, warning him to back off me. He had his head pressed between my left shoulder and the window, seeing if there was a breeze coming from there. I rolled it down to make him happy even though there was barely any air movement with the extra one opened.

"They're going to hear us coming before we arrive," I grumbled. "Anyway, I don't have any regrets. I won't let them make me feel bad for doing something we both felt was right."

Bella chewed on that thought instead of her nail. "You're right. It was right for us. But they _will_ be disappointed. Look how upset Esme was when she found out we were dating from Emmett."

"Because it didn't come from us," I asserted. "That's why we're going to tell them ourselves."

"True. But it's a little late, don't you think?"

Our first anniversary had come and gone. We'd been living a life of marital bliss – with a minister's blessing, if not the law's – for long enough. The public portrayal of the wholesome young lovers, soon to be wed, had been an amusing game to play for a while. In the privacy of our own home, however, it had been a year-long honeymoon. We did have twelve long years to make up for.

"I almost let it slip the other day when Rose and I were drafting the client information forms for the clinic. She had a limited selection for marital status: married, single, common-law. I said we needed an 'other.'"

I smiled crooked at her. "Which would be…?"

"That's what she said –"

"My god, Bella. A that's-what-she-said joke at a time like this? Be serious now, come on."

She rolled her eyes at me. "It's a good thing you're cute."

I snickered.

"And hung."

I whooped.

Don howled.

"Shut it!" we called out in unison.

"Any_waaaay_… I covered by saying it was discriminatory against gays and lesbians."

"Not to mention those who've been covering up a secret ceremony, cohabitating and considering themselves as married as they need to be," I added.

"Exactly."

"Be honest… is Charlie gonna kill me?" Truthfully, I was more worried about him than my parents. Bella was everything to Charlie, whereas I had siblings who pleased our parents with their lavish celebrations.

"Are you kidding?" She huffed indignantly. "He freakin' loves you. He always liked you best, even in high school."

I smiled with a little bit of smugness. "Still, you said you wouldn't keep anything from him after the whole surrogacy thing."

"I know. I feel like a shit about that. I feel worse for Esme, though. She really wanted to see you get married."

I shrugged. "She'll understand."

"Are you going to tell her before you go to the cemetery?"

This was a day long coming. Mom and I had put off going to visit Elizabeth's grave even though we talked about it regularly. I'd finally made concrete plans to do it. While we were both here, we were going to come clean about our union, as well.

I exhaled, rubbing at my neck. Don Everly helped out by giving it a sloppy lick. "I was thinking about that. I think it's better to get that done first and then tell her the news. I think she's worried about me going there for the first time. She'll handle our deception better once she sees I'm all right with everything."

"Agreed. Then I'll visit with Dad while you're with your mom. And we'll tell him together."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. You expect me to break my mom's heart, deal with my dad, and then go face Charlie with you?"

"Okay, how about this – I'll visit Dad, meet up with you after your visit, and we can round everyone up and do it once."

"Together."

"Together. Deal."

We shook on it as I pulled into the Sherriff's parking lot. "You sure you want my dad watching Don Everly this afternoon? He'll spoil him." Dad wanted to let this be a mother/son event. He preferred to visit the grave on his own anyway. Watching Don Everly was his quiet way out.

"It's his right as a grandparent." Bella smiled slyly at me. "Be good for Carlisle, Don Everly. No chewing on his shoes."

"And no digging around in the dirty laundry. That would be traumatizing for me." The image of Don greeting me with my mother's panties in his mouth after an emotional time with my dead birth mother would send me over the edge.

Bella was laughing as she kissed me goodbye. When she got out of the car, she slipped her wedding band off, kissed it, and slid it in her pocket. We both had that ritual every time we stepped out in public. Well, sometimes Bella would simply move it to her right hand if she didn't have a secure place to stow it. Then it was just another piece of jewellery for the unknowing. We weren't the type to show off our gifts to each other, so anyone who noticed probably thought it was a Christmas gift or something. It would actually be a relief to not have to hide the rings or the marriage.

~ 0 ~

"She's been this close all this time, and I haven't been here," I stated morosely as Mom and I sat in the car at the small cemetery. "That's really pathetic."

"I should have asked you if you wanted to do this much, much sooner. I didn't know how you'd feel about it."

I shrugged. "I could have come on my own at any time over the years. I could've found out where she was buried." I knew my mistake when my mom flinched. "Sorry… where she was resting." In one of our dozens of talks about Elizabeth over the past year, I'd discovered that Mom hated the idea of her being underground. She'd said that Elizabeth hated feeling trapped, and being in a box under a pile of earth would certainly make her feel penned in. We decided it was much better to think of it as a resting place rather than being trapped underground for eternity.

"Honestly, Mom, you did everything right. I can't come up with a better way to have dealt with me and this whole situation. Can you?"

She cocked her head to one side. "Suppose not. If you'd even come down with the sniffles afterwards, I would have cursed myself."

I chuckled softly beside her. We'd come a long way together, confessing our deep-seeding feelings of guilt. I felt absolved of all guilt I'd harboured. I prayed Mom did as well. "Well? Should we go do this?"

As we met in front of the car and headed for the walkway, I saw Mom glance down at my hand. She was probably nervous. If it were Jasper or Rosalie, they would hold her hand. I knew Mom would never ask me to be uncomfortable in any way for her sake. She'd given me so much and never asked me for anything in return. I could do this – for her. As casually as I could, I reached over and tugged on her fingertips. It was impossible for her to disguise her shock, but she attempted to, giving my fingers the quickest of squeezes before she looped her arm around my waist. I looped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her against my side. This worked better for us.

"Thank you, Edward," she said quietly as we wove our way through the small cemetery. "Thank you for doing this with me. I'm proud of everything you've overcome. I don't know if I've ever told you that."

I smiled at her. "Every day, Mom. I feel it even when I don't hear the words. Is this her… it? Her headstone, I mean?" It had a small Celtic cross on it – not engraved – the stone itself was incredibly simple. This was a separate piece set on top of it.

"Carlisle." Mom gasped, clamping her hands over her mouth. "Your dad… he did this. I know it."

"It wouldn't have been her parents?"

She smiled tenderly, stroking my arm. "No, honey. Her parents made a final appearance at the funeral and gave Carlisle an envelope with five hundred dollars for their share of the funeral costs."

I frowned at the rather insulting offer. That would be nowhere near half of the costs.

"You know Dad. He's very difficult to rile, but when he lets loose…"

I gave a low whistle, grinning at the thought of my dad tearing into the poorest excuse for parents I'd ever known of. Well, maybe besides Renee.

"Enough about that." Mom dug into her shoulder bag and retrieved a framed photo, setting it beside the cross. "Sweetheart, I've brought someone with me today." Her words were directed at the photo and spoken with tenderness. "I know I've told you all about what he's been up to all these years, but I've brought our baby boy with me today. He's here, Elizabeth. He's here."

I stared at the photo of my birth mother. I grew inside her for nine months. I was with her when she passed on. She gave me life, but I'd never had the chance to know her. Aside from the things Mom had told me about her, she was a virtual stranger to me. Yet her eyes seemed to mirror mine. I was a stranger to her, as well.

"Isn't he handsome, Elizabeth? And he's a good man. A wonderful, caring man. He's got a smart mouth at times, but somehow, it adds to his charm." She smiled at me, tugging on my arm to come closer as she continued speaking to the photo. "As you can see, I've exaggerated nothing. He is just as I said, am I right?"

I stared at the ground. It was strange enough knowing that my mom had come here and spoke about me to a piece of granite and mossy-smelling air, but to join in the conversation was not something I could do. One look at my mother's glistening eyes and I proved myself wrong.

"Did she tell you how scrawny and breakable I was? She never spoke of you being clumsy, so I have to assume that was all my own doing. I hate saying 'she'. It seems rude when she's standing right here. There it is again."

"Would you like some time alone here, Edward? I could go back to the car –"

I held onto her elbow firmly. "No, I would not like you to go back to the car. You're right where I want you to be – unless you're looking to escape my runaway mouth, that is."

Mom snickered, shaking her head. "Say whatever's on your mind, honey. I know Elizabeth is enjoying hearing your voice."

I held back what was currently on my mind – my mom had cracked. Even if the dead were capable of hearing, it would be muted six feet under. I was talking more for Mom than Elizabeth.

"If you can hear me… can you hear me anywhere? Do I have to speak _to_ you for you to listen? Or could you eavesdrop whenever you'd like?" That thought escaped me, and I addressed my questions to the rock. It would be weird if she could hear me when I was with Bella. Could she hear Bella, too? If she was me, that is. "I've never heard your voice. Mom told me you sang beautifully. Honest to God, you wouldn't want to hear me sing, but I wish I could hear you. It sounds like we're nothing alike – I'm awkward and tone-deaf, you were graceful and gifted. But I have your eyes. Even I can see that.

"Bella gave me this stone she found – when we were teenagers. It's the first thing she ever gave me. She was my best friend even then. Anyway, she said it reminded her of my eyes – our eyes – it even had the tiny specks of gold. I know I've never met anyone with the same eye colour as me, so if I'd ever met you on the street or something, I'd know you. It would be like looking at myself. I don't really look at myself too much, aside from my eyes. And there were years when I would avoid looking at them, too. They told me too much about myself. I wonder if you would have been able to read them as well as I could. You know, because you're the same.

"I was fat for a few years. Quite a few years, actually. Did you know that? I didn't like myself very much – scrawny or fat. It hurt too much to look at my own disgust. Did you like yourself, Elizabeth? Can I call you that? It would be strange to call you 'Mom', because my mom is right here. I hope it doesn't hurt you to hear me call her Mom. It's what you wanted, right? She's good to me, Elizabeth. Well, you know how she is – it's impossible not to feel loved by her. My whole family is amazing. I wonder what it would have been like to have you with us all this time. Sometimes I think about that. I wonder if you would have the same look of disgust in your eyes – if you would see me as I did, or see me as Mom did."

I'd almost forgotten she was there until I felt her arm slip around my waist.

"If you hadn't noticed, Mom thinks I'm pretty perfect." I paused my long-winded babble with a smartass remark, just for Mom. Then threw in a compliment for my other mom. "She thinks you are, too. She misses you. You were the best thing to ever walk into her life, you know. She loves you, and she misses you. Dad, too. But you know him, he doesn't talk about it much. He'll tell me about anything I want to know if I bring it up, but I think it hurts too much to think of everything all the time. He's different than Mom that way. She needs to think of you to keep you close. That's why I've been thinking of you so much lately, too, I suppose.

"I've had a lot happen the past couple of years. I actually feel grown up now. I feel like I can accomplish what I want in life. I took a big leap a few months ago – with encouragement from you-know-who. And Bella, of course. I gave up dispatching. I liked it – and I was good at it – but I think I grew too comfortable with it. Dispatching was a way of doing what I wanted to do without having to get close to anyone. Well, I'm super close now. Last week, I had my hand up a guy's a –"

Mom let out an exasperated yelp. "Of all the cases you could talk about, you choose that one?" The familiar look of reproachful love shone in her eyes. One corner of her mouth lifted into a reluctant grin. "He's done it, Elizabeth. I wanted him to be the one to tell you, but he's here so I can gush now. He's on a paramedic team, in the field."

"It's terrifying and exhilarating and I absolutely love it." I wore a proud smile – half for my own giant step in overcoming my anxieties, and half for the pride my mother felt in me.

I don't know how long we stood there talking to Elizabeth as though we were catching up over lunch in the park. We related funny stories and memories, told her all about Jasper and Rosalie, their spouses and children. It could have been minutes or hours – I truly had no concept of the time. All I knew was that Elizabeth and I likely shared more in common than our unique eye colour. I felt safe with her. I felt accepted and understood. I felt like we would have had a very special relationship if she'd survived. Probably similar to the one Bella shared with Kate. I felt at peace with her. She and I went through a horrible ordeal together, one meant to bond us in a very special way. I wasn't meant to feel guilty over her death, I was meant to feel thankful that she'd given me life. I also knew that I loved my birth mother. And I missed her.

Mom reached up and tenderly brushed a tear off my cheek that I hadn't even been aware of shedding. "We've got another visitor, sweetheart. Why don't you go bring her over?" She motioned towards our car. Parked beside it was Charlie's cruiser. Leaning on the cruiser was Bella – waving a little, smiling a lot. She leaned down and gave her dad a kiss on the cheek before he pulled away with a wave of his own.

"Hi," I said softly when I approached her.

"Hi." She repeated my mom's motion, wiping my cheeks dry, and then hugged me tightly.

"I'm okay," I assured her. "Actually, more than okay. I needed this. It's good. I'm really, really good."

"That's great because I have some news for you – Charlie knows."

"He's always known Elizabeth gave birth to me."

Bella chuckled, but her eyes held their adoration. "Oh, Edward. He knows about us. About what we did, and how there won't be a big ceremony and a gown and tuxedos. He knows, and he –"

"He wants to speak to me later. Man-to-man. Am I right?" A lump was forming midway between my chest and my throat. It was rapidly growing to the size of a softball.

"He's good with it, Edward. Really, really good."

"He's good?" I asked in shock. "Honestly?"

"And relieved that he won't have to get all dressed up and cry in front of a bunch of people."

I nodded my appreciation for that fact. "I can see that. He's not mad at you for keeping it from him? Or… pissed at me?"

Her head swayed side to side. "Nope. I have to say it feels great to not be hiding it from him anymore. He's beyond happy for us. And yes, he does want to see you later. For a celebration drink."

I grinned nervously. "Charlie's my father-in-law."

"Yep," Bella agreed with a wide smile. "I just wish my father-in-law was here right now. I just want to get it out – let everyone know. It would be great to share the news with all of your parents at once."

That remark choked me up a little. The tears I'd shed with Elizabeth hadn't been out of one specific emotion. They were more like a quiet cleansing of my conscience. When I thought of sharing our secret not only with Charlie, Esme, and Carlisle, but with Elizabeth as well, the intensity of the relief I'd gained by freeing myself of guilt hit me hard.

We stood by the car for several minutes, Bella holding me as I trembled against her. She positioned me with my back to Mom, knowing I wouldn't want her to see me this way. She'd misunderstand my emotions. Bella made it appear as though we were sharing an extra-long embrace and talking quietly while I got myself under control.

When my heart slowed to a normal pace and I felt steady, Bella cupped my face and gave me a kiss. "Now, can I please meet Elizabeth? I still have to thank her."

I rolled my eyes, but took the compliment to heart. It was the best feeling in the world to know that this woman appreciated my mere existence because she meant everything to me. Hand-in-hand, we crossed over the grounds to where my mothers waited. The living one grabbed Bella into a tight hug as soon as we were close enough.

"Edward, dear, why don't you introduce your wife?"

I barely heard Bella's gasp over the pounding of my own pulse in my ears. How the…? Charlie? No, couldn't be. Even if he would tell his daughter's secret, he couldn't have so quickly.

"Oh, don't stand there trying to think of a way to cover it up. Wouldn't you rather just have everything out in the open?"

"Esme, we're not trying to be deceptive," Bella stated. She didn't seem rattled at all, but her hand was trembling in mine.

"And we're not trying to think of a cover. Personally, I'm trying to figure out how the hell you knew."

Mom smiled at us – that slightly patronizing look all parents possess when they think their grown children are being naïve or extremely dense. "Oh, let's see… the mysterious rings that disappear partway through a visit sometimes. The way you've both managed to put off any talk of setting a date. You've waited so long to be together, there is no rational reason to have a prolonged engagement. And if you think you're being discreet with your coy little looks at each other anytime marriage is mentioned, you're both being ridiculous. It's just so obvious. Do I really need to go on?"

"You're not upset with us?" Bella asked cautiously.

"Were Carlisle and I the only ones not invited?"

"No, of course not," I rushed to respond. "It wasn't like that, Mom. It was just us. On a whim. Honestly. Please don't think we'd intentionally leave you out of anything."

"Please understand, Esme. Edward and I aren't into a big show of things. We always wanted something quiet. Something that was right for _us_."

"And was it?"

When I faced my mother after gazing at my wife, I saw complete understanding and acceptance. "It was," I said quietly.

Mom nodded with a bright smile. "That's what matters. You'll tell me all about it later on? And put your rings on, for goodness' sake, before they're lost!"

It was that simple. Thirty years to finally believe that my family truly understood what I was about. Surprisingly, the one who took the news the hardest was Emmett. He did soften when I told him he would have been one of my two best men if we'd gone the traditional route. I would never be able to choose between him and Jasper – they were both my brothers.

~ 0 ~

"It's about time you started living your true life." Aro was never one to mince words when it came to my relationship with Bella. "Didn't I tell you that your families would accept your decision to wed as you did?"

My smile came easily. "Of course you did. And one day, I will learn to just accept that you are always right, oh wise one. Wait until you taste Bella's peach cobbler. I swear I could live on it."

Aro joined us for a quiet dinner at home. We wanted to fill him in on the marriage so he wouldn't be out of the loop when he joined us to celebrate the opening of _Family First_, the clinic made possible through Bella's inheritance. We now considered him family as well as dear friend, taking on the role of Bella's surrogate grandfather.

"Such a change," he mused. "I recall the first time we met, and you considered your weight to be your biggest concern. Amazing what happy living will do, isn't it?"

"Yes, wise one," I agreed with a chuckle. "You were right to focus on my anxiety then as well. Did Bella mention a friend of ours is going to join us this evening?"

"She did. Bree, is it?"

Indeed it was. Bree had become a regular visitor since her roommate moved out, and I'd begun to think of her as a little sister. It worried me that she couldn't seem to climb out of the funk she'd fallen into since she'd been on her own. It worried me a lot. "I'm wondering if you could maybe talk to her," I replied quietly.

"Are you insinuating I'm a bad conversationalist?"

I knew Aro was teasing me, so I didn't respond.

"You mean, in a professional capacity?"

"If she's game. We'll pay for her sessions. She's been quiet lately. Too quiet. Bella and I can only do so much – we've been trying to draw her out of her shell but I think this is beyond us."

Aro nodded his understanding. "We'll see what we can do for your young friend."

"She reminds me of Elizabeth," I blurted. I'd come to that realization the day Bree told us of her eviction from her parents' home. "At least, what I know of Elizabeth. What I imagine she was like. Bree is older, of course, but I can't help but think she's just as lost as my mother was. I'm afraid for her."

"Afraid…?"

"Not that she'll die," I assured him. "Just that she'll do something desperate or hole up in her apartment and become a recluse. I don't know. She's got this boyfriend on and off. Seems like a dick. Definitely not good enough for her –"

Aro chuckled.

"What?"

"Ah, Edward. Always so protective of your loved ones. No one is quite good enough for the ladies in your life, right?"

I shook my head. "That's completely untrue. I couldn't have chosen a better husband for my sister. Emmett is everything she needs and more. Bella probably could have done better…" I followed my joke up with a smirk. "Bree doesn't have much luck picking winners, though. I should just let her talk to you about it all so you don't have my prejudice going in. He _is_ a dick though. Just remember that when she's talking him up."

~ 0 ~

Aro made it an early evening, claiming the festivities of the next day's opening would tire him out too much. Of course, this was after he had a quiet chat with Bree out on the balcony. I took Don Everly for his last walk of the day when Bella took Aro's place at Bree's side.

The apartment appeared deserted when we returned, but Don sniffed out Bella right away. I followed him into our bedroom where I found her sitting by the White Ghost, her eyes closed as if in prayer.

"Everything okay?" I asked softly so I wouldn't startle her. Don Everly wasn't so subtle. He jumped on her, covering her face with wet dog kisses. He only stopped when she gave him his usual enthusiastic greeting and hug. I got a sad smile.

"So I found out what's been up with Bree recently – why she's been so forlorn."

I took a seat on the edge of the bed near Bella to listen.

"She's pregnant."

It didn't surprise me really. Another similarity to Elizabeth's life, but something we could work with. At least this was a temporary thing. A pregnancy had a beginning and an end, unlike depression. Bree was such a sweet girl and quite charismatic before her life had been turned upside down with her roommate leaving and this dickhead jerking her around. It was painful to see her in a constant funk.

"She's about four months along. James took off. Cleared out his apartment, cut off his cell service. She has no idea how to get in touch with him."

Bella had given me a moment to digest the news and let my mind drift, as she knew it would. The fact that her charming boyfriend had bailed on her altogether was hardly a surprise to me either.

"She wants to be our first client."

Frowning, I rubbed at my neck. "For family counselling?" Surely she wasn't looking to abort the baby. I didn't have much to do with _Family First_, but I didn't want an abortion to be the first service it performed.

Bella shrugged, her frown matched mine. "I don't know what she wants. _She_ doesn't know what she wants."

"All the more reason for her to be counselled. She shouldn't make any rash decisions right now." Again, Elizabeth was foremost on my mind. If she had acted rashly, I wouldn't be here.

"Aro counselled her to talk to us," Bella replied with a smirk.

"Nice." I let out a snort. "Like we know how to handle this."

"I think I do," Bella announced in a whisper.

A page turned in my mind – several pages in fact. Elizabeth was gone, as were my thoughts of Aro and the clinic. My mind was now on the future, and it saw us in the house we'd looked at just the previous week. We were waiting to see if our bid was accepted. I saw us settled in the house. Saw myself rolling around with Don Everly on the spacious grassed area behind the house. My mind's eye looked up and saw Bella on the second floor terrace in her blue nightie. She had a baby on her hip and a smile on her lips. When she caught me staring at her, she waved the baby's hand at us. It was a girl. Bree's little girl – now ours.

"Me too," I whispered back in amazement. "I'll call our agent tomorrow and push a rush on the house. We'll up our offer. Anything to get it underway. Do you want Bree to live with us until the baby's born?"

Bella's face went white. Her mouth fell open and then clamped shut. Her eyes looked panicked.

"I know we have a lot to talk about and even more legal issues to process, but we'll do this together. I swear I'm not going to expect you to handle it all. I can take a leave from my unit if you need me to. I'd rather not since I'm still the new guy on the team, but I will. Or I can wait and take paternity leave. You might need me more then. Or you might want rid of me for twelve hours at a time then," I said with a nervous chuckle. The fact that she hadn't so much as blinked was freaking me out.

"It won't be like you'll be on your own when I'm at work anyway. We both know Alice will be over there every chance she gets. Mom, too."

Her mouth opened again, but nothing came out.

"I can talk to them for you if it gets to be too much. I know they tend to just jump in with both feet. They're only trying to help, but Christ, it can get annoying real fast. How do you feel about doing this through _Family First_? Would you rather do it privately? I could talk to Bree, see how –"

"Edward –"

"Sorry. I'm monopolizing the conversation." I stopped to smile at her, hoping to bring some colour back into her cheeks.

She remained ghost-like, and also silent.

"Bella, just tell me to shut the fuck up when I go on this way. Tell me what you're thinking."

Silence. A disbelieving stare.

"Bella?"

Pounding heart. Sweaty palms.

That was me, not her. While her body seemed to have shut down, mine was going into overdrive.

"Bella, I'm going to be honest here… you're scaring the shit out of me."

"_I'm_ scaring _you_?"

Okay. Stone Bella was awakened. She was rapidly turning blood red, and the best description for her first full response to me was a shriek. It may have been intended as a hiss – that's the impression her fiery eyes gave me. The fact that she was nearly hyperventilating after not taking a breath for so long led me to think it was more than anger. She was truly scared.

I wanted to console her, take back whatever it was I had done to frighten her. I wanted to be the man she needed, but at the moment it took every ounce of energy just struggling to breathe. I felt firm in my sentiment that I was more terrified than she was.

Proof in fact – she was frantically pacing in front of the window. Don Everly tried his best to keep up, but after being unintentionally booted a few times, he retreated to the safety of his crate. Lucky dog. How I wished Emmett had purchased one large enough for the both of us. I was tempted to run and squeeze my ass in the crate no matter how tight a fit it would be when she stopped pacing. She was stone again. Icy stone. A red-faced block of ice, somehow managing to shoot fire from her eyes.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Her first screeched words startled me. What was I talking about? How the hell would I know? I just talk–

Wait…

Bree. Pregnant Bree. Surrogate Bree?

"Too soon?" I muttered the innocent query and darted the new streaks of flames. "We should give her time to decide what she wants?"

"Seriously? You think you're rushing _Bree_?"

"And… you?" I asked tentatively. I wanted to spare any unnecessary words. The more I said, the more likely I would be to utter something stupid.

She shook her head at me incredulously. "That's not rushing, Edward. You just pushed me off a cliff. You want _us_ to take Bree's baby?"

My eyes widened. "Not _take_ her… I would never abduct someone's baby–"

"Edward!" Bella's plea for me to shut up had never been clearer.

"I'm sorry."

"For what? What are you sorry for? For making me believe you wanted the same thing I did? I believed you, Edward. I honestly believed that you never wanted a family."

"I didn't," I protested. "I wasn't lying to you. You've seen how I am around kids."

She nodded, tears now streaming down her crimson cheeks. The fire in her eyes was doused, only sadness remained. That scared me even more than an angry wife. "I have. And I've always – _always_ – thought you'd be a great father."

My mind jumped back to detention in high school. My first detention, and the only one shared with Bella. Was that the first time we'd discussed children? We'd talked about it many times, then and now.

"–made me believe you were sure about that."

She was talking again – screaming, really. I blinked rapidly to bring my focus to present time and situation. Presently, we were talking about whether or not we should adopt Bree's baby.

No.

We were talking about when I'd changed my mind about having kids.

No!

We were talking about a solution for Bree, and the logical thing would be for us to help her. Bella had been the one to bring it up. I was merely showing my support.

And enthusiasm.

And… intense desire to actually do this?

What. The. Fuck?

I clamped my hands over my face, frantically trying to rub away my confusion. "Bella, you said you knew what we should do. I thought this was what you meant. I thought–"

"Did you _think_?" She spewed out the words, angrily halting my explanation. "Actually, I suppose you have been thinking about it for some time. It just would have been nice if you could have clued me in a bit sooner. You know, actually _let me in_!"

"I _do_ let you in!" I protested in a voice I wasn't familiar with. Either I was on the verge of my first panic attack in years, or a twelve-year-old girl was speaking for me. "I do." Repeating it only appeared to be an attempt to make myself believe that statement when in fact it was the absolute truth. I held nothing back from her.

"I feel like I'm here with a stranger."

Her remark allowed me to find my voice, and it was angry. "A stranger? Are you fucking kidding me? You are the only person outside of my family that I've always been myself with! You _know_ me!"

"Then what was all of that?"

"Like I said, you know me. And you should have known that being subtle isn't your best bet with me. You should have known that my mind would go off on its own and my mouth would blindly follow! You _know_ that I say stupid things. Why didn't you just say what you had in mind to begin with? That would have stopped my erratic thoughts before they even began."

We stared each other down in relative silence. There was heavy breathing and some wheezing filling the void of angry words.

I didn't want to appear weak, so I refrained from reaching for my inhaler despite the whistle in my windpipe. I pinched my eyes shut and took a slow breath, as deep as I could. In a much calmer voice, I asked, "What did you have in mind to begin with?"

She let out a sad little huff. "It doesn't even matter." Her voice was quiet. Defeated. "Suddenly, Bree's situation isn't the biggest problem in my life."

"That would be me?" I asked stubbornly. I didn't want to continue arguing, but being referred to as the biggest problem in her life irked me.

"No, Edward. It would be _me_. And me and you. And how we're ever going to get past this."

_Panic on the way…_

I pinched my nose roughly to force myself to breathe deeply through my mouth. I was already seeing dark spots in my eyes, followed by little lightning sperm shooting through my vision. The onset of a migraine. The faint feeling was nearing. My knees were already weak. How could I have fucked this up?

"We just forget what I said," I suggested. I hoped she heard me, because I wasn't even sure if any sound had escaped my lips.

"I can't do that."

Ah. She heard.

"I need… I think we _both_ need some space. I'm going to go check on Bree." She brushed past me heading for the exit from our bedroom. "Don't wait up. I'll probably stay the night with her."

I followed her out of the room in silence, surprised that my legs carried me as far as they did.

She turned to look at me before leaving. "Don't panic, Edward," she said softly. "Just think. Really _think_ about what it is you truly want."

She left our apartment – and first argument – with that request, quietly closing the door before I could respond.

"You," I said to the door. "It's only you I've ever wanted."

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ *waves* Hi! Remember me? Remember the story? ;) In truth, I had to go re-read the previous chapter myself to recall the events leading up to this. So sorry. Next chapter is in my inbox (thank you Shug! XX) so barring the event that this flu I've had actually takes me down for good this week, it will be posted on time next Monday. _

_Thanks for coming back to read, and a special thanks to those who've messaged or emailed. The messages put a smile on my sallow, puffy face. That's an image, huh? lol Much love. XX ~ SR_


	38. Chapter 37

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 37**

The phone was ringing. At least, I think it was. I hoped the buzz in my ears hadn't turned into an annoyingly loud ring. I reached for the coffee table where the phone had laid in front of me all night, then silent.

"Are you excited?"

_Hardly._

I couldn't roll my eyes with my nonverbal response because my head hurt too much. And I couldn't say it aloud when my sister sounded so overjoyed. I mumbled something incoherent instead.

"I woke you? I did. Jesus, Edward! We have to open the doors in an hour!"

The clinic. Opening day. Right.

"You didn't wake me." My voice was monotone as a way of coercing her to calm the fuck down. Loud Rosalie was not good at a time like this.

After a brief pause, my sister's voice returned, much softer. "You have a headache, don't you?"

I mumbled in agreement.

"Did you sleep at all?"

"Nope."

"Shit. Honey… are you nervous because of the number of people invited?"

Truthfully, that was the last thing on my mind. I was nervous that I'd permanently screwed myself out of my fairy tale life. Twenty-four hours ago, things had been perfect.

"No. I'll be fine. Quick shower, maybe a heave or two, and I'll be good to go. Promise." I smiled for my sister's benefit. She couldn't see it, of course, but I figured I should start practicing.

"Is Bella ready? Please tell me you didn't both oversleep."

"Bella?" Fuck. I had no idea. I also had no idea if we'd be attending the function together or as bickering singles. Well, one bickering single and the other single groveling. I wasn't up for round two. I just wanted the previous night's events to go away. "Uh… she–"

She opened the door and swept through the living room right on cue. She left a trail of her own scent mixed with a different, underlying scent. She had showered at Bree's.

"Is that Rosalie?" She called out from the bedroom. "I want to talk to her."

_What about me?_ my mind whined. It annoyed me. I would have to ask Aro if he had a trick to turning the mind off altogether. I could use some silence.

"Rose! Hey! Big day… do you need me to pick up the cake?"

I couldn't hear my sister's response, but I hung in the background just to hear Bella's voice. It didn't sound angry with Rose. It sounded excited and proud.

"I just have to get dressed and I'm good to go." Even as she spoke, she was stripping off yesterday's clothes. She pulled out a simple black dress from the closet. "Edward?" Her eyes finally glanced at me. "He's a mess right now but fixable. Don't worry, we won't be late."

I didn't take my usual enjoyment from watching Bella dress. I was too busy examining her face for any sign of how today would go – more importantly, tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. She had expertly covered the dark circles under her eyes. No one would guess she'd been crying, but I knew by sight that she'd had a rough night, just as I had.

The dress was on, and she backed up for me to zip it up, as we always did. I performed my duty, refraining from placing the tiny kiss at the nape of her neck that always completed our routine. If she noticed, it didn't show. She was already heading back to the closet.

"Is Emmett wearing a suit?" She was digging through my side of the closet. I was glad she was choosing my clothes for me, as I didn't give a shit. The thought of a suit didn't appeal in the least, but I would put it on and smile if I had to.

I mumbled something about going for a shower as I made my way out of the bedroom. The toilet got my attention first. I was still sitting on it, completely naked and shivering, but trying to cool my clammy forehead on the tiled wall beside me when Bella rapped on the door.

"You okay?" She sounded concerned. She sounded like my wife.

I choked on a grateful sob that turned into a heave. Luckily the trash can was right there. And then so was my wife. Her hands stroked my hair while my head was in the can. She left one hand on my shoulder while she wet a cloth with the other.

"Honey, has this been going on all night? You should've called me."

I swallowed several times, trying to get rid of the remaining saliva that was forming post-puke. Would she have come home if I'd asked? "No. No, this just hit. Then again, I didn't move much all night. If I had, I would have lost my dinner then."

"Migraine?" Her hand brushed the hair from my forehead while the other dabbed at my mouth with the cloth.

I nodded. "Tail end. I'll be fine."

Okay, that was a lie.

"No, actually. The truth is I'll pretend I'm fine, but I'm anything but. And it's not the migraine." I stared deeply into Bella's eyes and then burst out laughing. "I just remembered the first time you saw me yak."

"The beach," she acknowledged, still stroking my head tenderly.

"I was mortified. The one person I never wanted to see me that way… and there you were."

"And here I am."

The softness in her voice soothed me as much as her skilled fingertips. "Why?"

"Why?" She pulled away from me, dropping the cloth to hold onto my jaw with both hands. "Why? Because I love you, Edward."

"Still?"

"Of course!" Bella moved the trash can from between my legs and knelt in front of me. "We had an argument, that's all. I hate that it happened, but it was inevitable. Timing sucks, but we'll talk later on. Okay?"

"We're all right – you and I?"

Bella's eyes shone with adoration rather than shooting lightning bolts at me. My Bella was back. "I may have overreacted just a bit."

Twenty pounds of the bricks in my skull seemed to vanish. I could blink without pain. And I could smile – not a practiced smile and not one that came with maniacal laughter.

Bella smiled as well and then pressed her hands tightly against her face. "Oh my god, Edward. I can't stand this anymore." She plugged her nose with one hand and reached behind me to flush. "I love you, but you stink."

What would have been nervous laughter came out quite differently. It was my comfortable laugh. "Wanna kiss?"

Her face scrunched up as she pushed mine away. "Ugh! After you brush. I'm going to leave the bathroom now, if you're all right. Vomit is one thing, but I really don't need to see you wipe your ass." She did drop a kiss on my forehead as she stood. "Why do you have to be so lovable, even on the toilet?"

"It's a curse," I remarked with a smirk.

"Clean yourself up. Quickly. Your sister will kill you if we're late."

~ 0 ~

I cruised through the opening, greeting people with a courteous nod but not a handshake. I found that offering up a glass of sparkling water or champagne got me out of that awkward moment when a hand was extended towards me. The liquid in the glass was more desirable than my hand anyway. I didn't even find the suit Bella had dressed me in to be too constricting.

I knew most of the people – many were from the hospital and the fire station. My former colleagues from dispatch dropped by to offer their support as well. I caught Bella and Ben snickering over their first meeting in our apartment. If Bella was still upset with me at all, it didn't show. And if my family noticed any tension between us, they didn't comment. Even Aro seemed unaware. The one absence I was grateful for was Bree. I didn't know if Bella had told her about my blunder, and I didn't know how I'd react around her just yet.

When the gala at the clinic shut down, the family, joined by Aro, all headed to Lauren's restaurant to dine. She'd been one of the first drop-ins and had informed us that she had a section reserved for us. It goes without saying that Emmett was the most pleased about that. We stayed until closing and got to meet the new man in my ex's life. Tyler was an old friend of Lauren's from school. He confessed to me that he'd been too shy to ask her out back then, but when he ran into her at a gallery months earlier, he didn't waste any time kicking their old friendship up several notches. He was an art dealer, but not the snooty kind. More indie, if there was such a thing. He seemed very chill, very confident, and very much in love with Lauren. Her true love? I hoped so.

Bella and I bid goodnight to everyone at the restaurant, opting to walk the few blocks home and get some air. I carried my jacket, shirt sleeves now rolled up and my tie… somewhere. I'd lost it at some point during the evening. It was very warm for early fall and a perfect night to stroll. Tentatively, I reached for Bella's hand. She accepted it with a gentle squeeze, and we walked in silence for a bit, hand in hand.

"Feeling better?" The energetic voice I'd heard from her all day was gone. She was tired, no doubt, and back to being concerned.

"Much. I have this annoying tickle in my throat, though."

"Probably scratched from this morning's upheaval," she teased me lightly.

"Maybe." I hadn't had so much as a head cold since my round of pneumonia when Bella was still pregnant with Nathan. My longest streak of good health yet.

"Edward, I did a lot of thinking last night –"

Good. I was so relieved that she brought it up first. I was wondering how long we'd chit-chat and avoid it. I had so much to say, and the longer it was put off, the more shit I'd think of to add. "Me too. I'm really sorry I went off that way. I had no right to blame it on you – _I_ know how I am, and I should have asked you to expand on your idea before I dreamt up an entirely different life for us."

"Mmm. We both should have known better. I'm sorry too. I do believe in you, you know. I do know who you are – at least my heart does, anyway. Sometimes my head has trouble getting around yours."

I snickered with her. "You and me both. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out where in the hell all that stuff came from. I don't understand it. It's like a picture book opened up in my mind, and every happy scenario that could be imagined filled the pages."

"A baby would make you happy, then?" It was phrased as a question but asked in a manner that sounded more like a dreaded statement.

"I haven't lied to you about that, Bella. Honest to God, I have never pictured myself being a father. Never. Well… maybe a few thoughts here and there before you decided to have Rosalie and Emmett adopt Nathan. I knew I wasn't deserting you, so if you came with a baby, then so be it."

Bella smiled up at me sadly.

"But it all worked out perfectly. They got what they want. We have what we want."

"You're good with the babies," she remarked. "Emily adores you, and you still look so in awe of Nathan every time we see him."

"Doesn't mean I want to be their dad."

"True."

I hesitated before plunging into the next part. The making-up part of our first fight was working out so well, and I didn't want to risk blowing it again by saying the wrong thing.

"I hear the wheels clicking, Edward."

Chuckling, I gave her hand a squeeze.

"I want to know what you're thinking about. All of it. No matter how screwy it is." Bella tipped her head back to look at me. "Please tell me? I'm over the shock now. I swear I won't freak out on you this time."

_Here goes… everything?_

"Part of me always thought you didn't really want to give Nathan up. I made myself believe it was what you really wanted, because I was stuck in the middle. He made my sister so–" I stopped abruptly. I didn't know how to describe Rosalie's feelings. All I could do was make a comparison. "He completed her happy picture book, y'know? But then there was you and your feelings for him. You risked your own life for him, Bella. That was for _him_ – not Gianna, not Marcus." I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. "And you're crying, so I think I hit a nerve. Am I right?"

She shrugged and wiped her cheeks. "I did the right thing. I would've messed up his life."

I grunted. "I see it differently. The person I know you to be has a huge capacity for love and nurturing. You couldn't have stuck by me if it wasn't in you naturally."

With a snort and eye roll, she gave me a little shove. "You're different."

"Clearly," I responded with a laugh.

"You're not a child. Even though I'm sure Esme would've loved to keep you a child forever."

Normally, this bit of playfulness would have ended our serious discussion. It was a signal to change topics, and I usually jumped at the chance. This, however, wasn't the time to tuck it away. "We're brushing this off, and I don't think we should be. I want to be honest with each other about this, and it's now or never."

The smile fell from her beautiful face. She stared at the ground ahead of us as we walked. "Honestly? If we had never reconnected – that is, if you hadn't been by my side after the crash – I most likely would have kept Nathan. I would have been alone, a complete wreck, raising a child that I felt in my heart was not mine to keep. I _would_ have ruined his life."

That put a different spin on it for me. "That makes more sense, because I saw how you were with Tanya when she was little. You were great with her. I was there when you were freaking out because you couldn't supply Nathan with milk anymore. And I see how you interact with Emily. That could be really awkward for you, seeing as she's Jasper's little girl, but you have this way with her. You don't baby her, yet you somehow display this sense of security for her. She adores you. She knows you'll always be an attentive audience for her. None of that is the behaviour of someone who would suck as a mother."

Bella huffed at my last statement. "You don't know that."

"And you don't know that you may well be wrong about this."

"So, what…? You want to have a baby?"

"Bella, it's physically impossible for me to have a baby."

Her I'm-trying-very-hard-not-to-show-that-I'm-amused look put a stop to my teasing.

"Okay, truth?"

"Nothing but."

"Sometimes I like watching you with Nathan and Emily." I blurted out my statement and quickly closed my mouth.

"Yes…"

"Sometimes I like it a lot. It's just that you look really content in those moments, and I wonder if I haven't taken away a huge part of your life by not ever wanting children." There. I'd thought long and hard about it all night, and that was the simplest way to say how I felt.

"You'd have a baby with me… for me?"

Resisting the urge to jump back into my joke, I stopped and spun her around to face me. "I would do anything for you. Know that. Believe that."

She smiled for me but otherwise seemed miles away, lost in her own thoughts.

"Now," I urged, "your turn for the truth."

"I would have kept Nathan for you, if that's what you had wanted."

I felt something stir in my stomach. Regret? No, it was just surprise. "I absolutely vowed to my sister that you did not want to keep Nathan. How did I miss that?"

"Because sometimes, underneath all your perfect Edwardness, you're just a silly boy."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Well, firstly, you had a girlfriend…"

"Yeah, yeah. I resolved that situation fairly early on. Go on."

"By the time I began wondering if you could really want me and the baby, I'd already made up my mind to let him go where he belongs. But my god, Edward… seeing your face when you first saw him in the ultrasound image made me question my lifelong belief that people raised by a shitty parent should not ever try it themselves. In that moment, I wanted the little guy on the screen to be ours. Yours and mine."

It was easy to call up that day in my thoughts. It was the day I fell for Nathan, and the day I realized that Bella had made the right choice in opting to preserve his life. It was the day I knew that Bella would unconditionally love any baby of hers from day one on. That she would have that same fight for her child throughout its life, and it would be the luckiest child alive.

"Are you disappointed in me? If we're being completely honest here, I was disappointed in you yesterday. You managed to convince me over the past year that you really were okay with never having kids, even though I always thought you'd be a wonderful father. For a moment, I felt like I didn't really know you. Then I calmed down." She flashed a bashful grin at me. "I don't react well to shock. I'm really sorry. After I calmed myself, I was more disappointed in myself because I was right all along – you are father material, and _I've_ kept _you_ from that."

Several emotions flowed into one, resulting in confusion. During each flash phase, I attempted to verbalize what I was feeling but couldn't. In truth, I had no idea what I thought about us having a family. It was better to stay quiet than mumble a bunch of shit that could be misinterpreted.

"You haven't answered my question," she reminded me gently.

"Question? Was there one?"

"Are you disappointed? In the way I reacted yesterday… or that I didn't have the guts to tell you I've loved you since the day we met and that I wanted you to be Marcus and Gianna's baby's father? For just a little while I wanted that anyway. I really do believe he's in the right place. I'm afraid I put him before you, and that's probably the most selfish thing I've ever done."

I couldn't stay silence any longer. "That's precisely the reason I adore you, Bella. Listen to me… and believe what I'm saying. You _do_ know me. You saw how I was with Emily. I truly had no interest. And even if I felt like I should be interested in her life, she scared me. What's more, my brother scared me. Seeing him transform into an idiot thriving on three hours sleep, but happily going on about Emily coming off the heart monitors, and then crying over the first time she spit up on him – as Mom would say, a good cry. He was ecstatic that she tossed her cookies on him."

Bella looked at me wistfully. "The first time he was able to feed her?"

I nodded. "I didn't get any of that. Of course, I was worried for her well-being when she was born so early, and I wanted to see her get healthier and go home, but I never understood how the most mundane things would thrill Jasper. He's a sarcastic scholar and a bonehead brother – that's how I knew him."

"His whole life changed with Emily –"

"I get that. _Now_ I get it. I got it when I'd watch you staring at your belly, rubbing it. The glint in your eye every time he kicked you. You fought for his life, Bella, and he wasn't even yours. That's what's so precious about what you did. It goes beyond helping out friends and feeling obligated to see it through. It goes beyond wanting to help Rose and Em out. It's an innate sense of nurturing that goes beyond anything you even see in yourself. I guess that's why I rushed into the proposal of adopting Bree's baby. I thought… I _hoped_… you'd finally seen yourself as I do. Any child would be fortunate to have you as its mom. That's all."

When I finally shut up, I saw Bella frantically wiping the tears from her cheeks. "You can always make me feel so special," she whispered.

"What was your idea for Bree anyway?" I didn't want to keep making my wife cry. And I did want to know where I'd gone wrong with that topic.

She held up a finger, dug in her bag for a tissue and blew her nose loudly before responding. "I thought Bree could benefit from spending time with the most perfect parents in the world. The ones who raised the man I adore."

I smiled, shaking my head. It was so simple and clear now that I'd heard her idea. Of course she was thinking of asking my parents to help out Bree.

"They once took in another troubled young girl and look what came of it."

I had to admit, it was a great idea. I knew my mom, in particular, would love having Bree around and then a baby.

"I didn't come right out with it because I didn't know if you'd dream up some horrific ending for Bree and start thinking about Elizabeth's death again. You've come so far with that. I didn't want to set you back."

I let out a huff in jest. "Like _I_ would ever dream up the worst. Seriously, I know she's not going to die in childbirth. That was a fluke. Bree will be fine. She's older, and there are more than enough medical professionals in the family to stay with her in the last trimester should she not make it to the hospital in time. Or we could get her a midwife. Then there's no chance of an accident on the way. She'll be fine."

Bella quirked an eyebrow, looking pleased. "My optimistic husband! Where did you come from?"

"My beautiful wife inspires me."

"We're getting corny."

"A couple of corn puffs."

"I might be a corn puff, but you're a cheese doodle."

"If you were any more cheesy, you'd be a cheesecake."

"Nah. Then you'd eat me."

I waggled my eyebrows with interest.

"And then get a tummy ache because you'd eat the whole thing."

"Nothing a good poop and the tread mill couldn't get rid of. It's worth it."

"Ugh." Bella made her _you're disgusting! _face, but she was laughing. "Is this any example to set for a child?"

Just like that, the wheels in my noggin started churning. I forgot about making her laugh and even about eating her up entirely. "Just so we're clear… you don't want to adopt Bree's baby, then?"

She didn't realize I wasn't still joking. She laughed and flicked her hand at my chest.

"Would you consider adopting someone else's baby?"

"Do you know a whole slew of pregnant women wanting to give up their babies, Edward?"

I shook my head.

Her smile faded.

I swallowed heavily.

She took a couple of steps back and wobbled.

I caught her.

"You're serious?" she asked, breathless.

I stared down into the deep brown pools. They looked surprised, yes, but they also looked hopeful. At least, I _hoped_ it hope that I saw and not her thinking of where else she could crash, leaving me and my stupidity alone for another night.

"Are we seriously talking about this?"

I nodded.

She straightened herself up, kicking off her heels. She was several inches shorter with her shoes in her hand, and I kissed the top of her head.

"We don't have to decide right now. But the window is open."

That was kind of midway, right? Not too overexuberant but not saying I definitely never ever wanted a kid. Right?

She rested her head against my shoulder as we began to slowly walk the remaining block home.

"I say we just let it fall into place," I suggested softly. "We'll know the right situation when it comes up. It's not like we're desperate. We don't have to go put our name in at every adoption agency."

"You're thinking we find someone through _Family First_?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. It seems like that all came about so easily – like it was for a reason."

"It is. It's your sister's way of giving back. Of putting her heart and soul into something she knows so well from both sides – the infertility and being an adoptive parent."

"Yeah, but it could be our fate as well. You never know."

"I just never saw us harvesting a baby through our clients."

"What the…?" I snorted at her choice of words. "I never expected you of all people to look at it that way." My pace picked up while hers slowed. _Oh no._

She was statue still when I turned to see if she was having problems keeping up in bare feet.

_Fuck. Here we go again. _

"I know you didn't mean it that way," I began. "It did sound rather harsh though."

"I did mean it. I don't want someone else having our baby."

"Well, it wouldn't be like Nathan. It's not like it would have our genetics. It would be a straight adoption."

Her chin tipped up defiantly. "What if I said I don't want to adopt, period?"

My head was spinning too fast for the wheels of imagination to keep up. I groaned in exasperation. "Jesus, Bella. I don't want to keep going around and around with this. Do we want to have kids or not?"

"Yes."

"And we want to adopt someone other than Bree's baby," I reiterated, just to be clear.

"No."

"Bella…" I pulled my hands down my face to try to eliminate my look of sheer frustration. "What do we want?"

"I want to have your babies."

All wheels stopped. Even the ones that told my lungs to function.

"Breathe, sweetie."

I could see her lips moving. Apparently the cogs holding the wheels also blocked my hearing.

No. I could hear. There was a river coursing through my head. White rapids pounding at my eardrums. An ocean was forming in my stomach. The tide was rolling in… and out.

In.

And out.

A tsunami was on the way, and I bent away from my wife just in time for it to flood the grass beside us. My hands held onto my knees as the waves lapped up and over the grass repeatedly. When it finally receded, Bella passed me a tissue to wipe my mouth.

"Better?"

"Christ. Twice in one day? I haven't been sick since Charlie and his fucking fish-o-rama in our apartment, and now you have to witness it twice in one fucking day?"

"It's fine."

"It's not fine!" I stood, determined to control the shaking that always followed an expulsion like that. "Look at me, Bella! Do I really look like the best candidate for sperm?"

She smiled at me crookedly. "Actually, you do. I'm more than hoping our baby would have your eyes."

I stormed away in a huff, half to get my thoughts clear before I went off but also to get away from my own stench I'd left on the lawn. Bella took a few steps away from the offensive pool and stopped, waiting for my pacing to slow down.

"I can't, Bella –"

"We don't have to decide now. But the window is open."

I glared at her for using my words against me. Then I mimed closing it.

"So that's it?" Her voice was no longer gentle or teasing. "You get to state what _you_ want, but you won't even entertain what _I_ want?"

"I did! I've been entertaining the fact that you didn't even want a kid, let alone one with my fucked up genes! Bella, get real!"

"Stop shouting at me."

"I don't mean to shout, but you're not getting it!" I didn't mean to shout, truly. But it was only getting louder and more forceful. "Think back, Bella! Go back to high school… think of the albums filled with pictures of the saddest excuse for a kid ever. Remember my low self-esteem? My anxiety attacks? Do you want a kid who hates himself? Think of my asthma attacks. Do you want your baby to struggle just to fucking breathing? Do you want him to be awkward at every damn thing he attempts to do and never feel right… anywhere? Is that what you want? Because I sure as _hell_ would never put anyone through that!"

"You felt right somewhere, Edward. You felt right at home."

"And that's enough?" I chortled sarcastically. "You're willing to raise a social incompetent? Can you deal with that 24/7? Could your heart take that pain? Before you answer that, I suggest you have a good heart-to-heart with Esme and ask her how it feels from the other side. Ask her how much pain she felt whenever I was sick or fucking depressed. Or just angry at the world but mostly myself. I hate that I did that to her. I cannot… can_not_… watch someone do that to you. Why do you think I gave you up so easily all those years ago? Jasper was fine. He'd moved on happily. He knew how I felt. Eventually, he would have been okay with it. But I couldn't put you through watching me hate myself. I can't stand the idea of someone else doing that to you. It makes me sick! Literally!"

We both peeked over at the remaining evidence and grimaced.

"We should get out of here. People are already coming out on their balconies to see who's yelling." That old sensation of feeling like everyone was watching me – ready to judge me, critique me – was poking up. I couldn't remember when the last time I gave a shit what anyone thought of me was…

Wait.

I knew exactly the moment.

Two, actually.

When I left Bella standing on the curb in Phoenix after attempting to kiss me, and when my brother thought I'd betrayed him by falling in love with his girl.

But neither of those had anything to do with my faulty DNA. Neither of those were my choice. I hadn't accepted Bella's kiss, and I had never acted on my love for her. They were just thoughts.

Thoughts.

"Edward? Sweetie? We really should go inside now. It feels like a storm is coming. Don Everly probably needs to go out before it hits. Can you walk now?"

The haze of years gone by lifted, and I was staring into the concerned eyes of Bella – my wife. I took stock of our surroundings. We were outside our building, but I was on the ground, my back pressed against rough concrete. The foundation of the building was not only unattractive but hard and cold.

My mouth felt like it was filled with jumbo cotton balls that I couldn't expel or even shift around. It brought to mind the Chubby Bunny incident on the beach, and I fought back another retch. The damned ocean was in my ears this time, filling my head. If only some of it would wash away the cotton balls.

"Come on, sweetie. I'll help you upstairs."

"You don't want this life, Bella. Trust me."

"We'll reopen the window when you're feeling better."

"I've already caulked it shut."

"We'll talk."

"Boarded it up."

"This won't last forever. You'll feel better soon."

"Bricked over the damned thing."

"You're being ridiculously extreme."

"And you're being stupidly blind. You have no idea what it would be like."

"I love you, Edward. Shut up now. Just let me love you."

Fuck. My wife was going to get two rounds of vomit, followed up with tears. I couldn't have constructed a shittier day for her. But she was in love with me. The strong me, as well as the loser me. That was the realization that allowed me to drift off to sleep with her holding me and stroking my hair. True love is fucking blind… and sometimes stupid.

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ Thanks for reading! XX _


	39. Chapter 38

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 38**

If true love is blind, then in all fairness it should also be deaf and dumb. Whenever the ability to be mute failed, it would help me enormously if Bella simply never heard my stupid words. All of this – this whole disaster of her wanting to have my biological child – began because I just couldn't shut up. I would have preferred to live our lives out with her believing I never wanted to be a father if it meant she wouldn't be determined to give me a child herself.

When Bella sets her mind to something, she is more determined than Don Everly when he's chasing squirrels – or his tail. I wanted to get her mind off children and babies and everything disastrous for us. If she could become preoccupied with an alternate mission, it would be a great relief for both of us.

We'd had our first argument. Sure, it was bound to happen, but I never expected to cry myself to sleep after making up. Where was the stupendous make-up sex? Instead, Bella coddled me for days. She was worse than my mother until I told her so. That was the onset of our next argument. This time, I was the one to sleep elsewhere. Well, I didn't sleep – I was at work. But I had never been so grateful for a night shift.

We gave each other the silent treatment for a couple of days rather than taking the chance of it blowing up altogether. I assumed Bella didn't say anything about our family discussions when she went to the clinic each day, because my sister would have been all over me. Instead, Rosalie was burning her candle at both ends _and_ in the middle… and loving every minute of it. She had returned to her surgical rotation on a limited basis, and when she did her hours at _Family First_, she had Nathan with her. Plus, she also had Jasper and Alice's move to prepare for.

Jasper's firm had finally secured a location in Port Angeles, where he would be the senior man. Alice was not looking to replace her job, preferring to focus on her home-based business and put her share of time in at the family clinic. Forever the drama student, she was playing the role of big lawyer's wife to the hilt. She and Emily had a real estate agent at their side since the opening, in search of the perfect house.

"You should take Bella out with you this afternoon," I suggested when I stopped in to see how things were going at the clinic. Alice had immediately begun rattling off street names on the agenda for the day. "We've been talking about getting a house. Maybe she'll see something that's perfect for us."

Bella caught the tail end perked up. "We should move on that before Don Everly outgrows the apartment… or the tenants amass a lynch mob."

"Absolutely," I agreed good-naturedly. "A nice one-bedroom with a big yard, right?"

Instead of cooing over me recalling our first dream home conversation, she shot me daggers and turned her attention to Emily. "I have to teach you how to toe-pinch someday. You know who needs a good pinch? Uncle Edward."

Emily giggled and pinched my knee the way normal people pinched. I did the best act of being completely maimed from it and ended up on the floor tickling my niece until Alice scolded me for getting her shoes scuffed up.

"Kids' shoes are supposed to be scuffed up, Alice. You're looking for a house, not walking her down a fashion runway. Do you forget you used to be fun?"

Of any of us, Alice seemed to have matured the most. Some days, I could only think of her as mother and wife. At the moment however, she was standing in front of me, a couple of inches shorter than my shoulders, beaming at me the same way she had when Emmett brought her over to meet us for the first time. I expected her to go into one of her long rambles without taking a breath. Instead, she hugged me.

"You think I was fun? Ed, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me!"

If I had mind-reading capabilities, I knew Bella's would read, 'He's not saying anything nice lately. Take it while you can.'

"Seriously, Bella, maybe you should go with Alice and Emily today. At least it would give you some idea of what we don't want."

Alice scowled at me. "There we go. He's back."

"What?" I asked with a chuckle.

"You just said that nothing I like would be suitable for you."

"Well…"

For a pint-sized woman, she packed a good wallop. I got over it quickly when Emily began scolding her mother for hitting me. It was very effective, because she used Alice's pursed mouth and furrowed brow, but because her speech was limited, it came out sounding like, "No hit Ugg Head, Mommy!"

"That's right. Ugg Head is very sensitive. Quite fragile. I don't stand a chance against a big brute like your mom, Emily." I surprised myself when I was able to contain my laughter. Bella didn't do so well with that, so she went off on her own. I excused myself and followed her.

"Don't crack a grin," I said teasingly. "You've done so well being mad at me for days. Don't let me see you smile or… God forbid… laugh."

She covered her face while she tittered, but at least she was still smiling when she removed her hands. "Shut up, Ugg Head."

"Gonna pinch me?"

"Is that a challenge?"

I had my hands on her waist, and hers went to my shoulders. "I think it is a challenge, Mrs Cullen."

"You know, if you can't beat the other Mrs Cullen, you really don't stand a chance against me."

"I've never stood a chance against you." My hoarse words must have sounded as sincere as I felt them to be, because for the first time in days, my wife kissed me. It wasn't our usual kiss reserved for public places either. It was an apology kiss. A kiss that said we'd get through this. A kiss that showed she would really try to understand where I was coming from with my resistance on this.

"You should come too. If we're looking for our house, we should both be there to decide what we want and don't want."

"I can live anywhere. I honestly don't care as long as I'm with you." I tilted my head down and gave an apology kiss of my own. "Cheesy enough?"

She tittered at me, stroking my jaw with her thumb. "I'll find the perfect cheese house, just for you and me."

"And Don Everly."

"And Don Everly, of course," she agreed with a smile. One more kiss and she turned to join Alice and Emily, giving me an extra treat with an exaggerated ass wiggle. "Oh, Edward? Should it have lots of windows to keep open?"

"Smart ass," I quipped, smacking my forehead. I knew she was referring to metaphorical windows more than functional. "Maybe a few. Not too many, though."

Her grin said 'thank you for being reasonable,' and I got another wiggle.

Make-up sex after days of strife was well worth the wait.

~ 0 ~

Oddly enough, Alice's presence at that time in our relationship was the best thing we could have had. She was the perfect distraction for Bella, since Alice now felt it was _her_ mission to find housing for both families. Every day, she dragged Bella out to peruse more potential homes. I had no idea there were so many people vacating the area, but housing options seemed to open up for Alice. She just seemed to know which area to hit. A few of them weren't even on the market, but when she saw a house she liked from the outside, she just went up and knocked. Her agent would have several new clients by the time Alice had found two ideal homes.

Bella would tell me all about their adventures before I'd leave for my paramedic shift. I'd come home in the morning to find her curled up on the couch. She hated sleeping in our bed when I was not there. One morning, I found a notebook beside her with some rough sketches and bubbles drawn around random sentences.

"Hey, you!" Bella plucked the notebook from my hand when she caught me looking through it. "Don't you know you're not supposed to invade on an artist's work without their permission?"

I made an impressed face before greeting her with a kiss.

"Good morning, by the way," she said groggily after our kiss. "How was your night?"

I shrugged, unbuttoning my shirt. "I splinted an arm. The boy fell from a tree two days ago. They decided he needed an ambulance last night. A false labour – she wasn't even pregnant, but she did pass a fair sized kidney stone. Oh, and a heart attack that wasn't really."

"What was it?" Bella's eyes lit up. She loved hearing stories about the wacky calls we were sent on.

"Constipation. He was literally full of shit."

"We're terrible for laughing at the poor man." Bella's statement came after a good five or six minutes of hysterical laughing and lame jokes at his expense.

"If you can't laugh…" I stretched my arms over my head to ease the kink in my back. Even without the full intestines, the man was a hefty haul down the stairs of his house and into the back of the ambulance. "I think we should increase the fibre in our diets, by the way. I can't even imagine being that full –"

Bella put her hand over my mouth, frowning in disgust. "I think we've killed that subject. It's just grossing me out now."

"Okay…" I paused to yawn widely. "Tell me about your night, then. Looks like you've been busy."

She folded her legs up, sitting to face me as I leaned back on the couch. "Emily's inspired me." Her smile was brilliant, and there was excitement dancing in her eyes. "Remember I said I wanted to write something eventually for her and Nathan? Well, this is Emily's. It will be, anyway. Every house we go into, she drops to the floor and explores. I finally asked her why she's crawling again when she's a big girl."

I lifted an eyebrow at her. "Was she actually crawling or doing the Emily-walk on all fours?"

"Crawling," Bella replied with a laugh. "Now that she's walking, she's learned how to crawl properly."

"That's because of Ugg Head, you know." I had spent considerable time trying to get her to crawl like a normal baby whenever we saw her. "So why was she crawling?"

"For Tinkles. She was looking at the houses from Tinkles's perspective, to make sure he'd like it too. There was one that had a pet door that she just loved. She kept going through it and meowing. It was so cute! You should have been there, Ugg Head."

I hummed. "Next time. Have you seen anything you like for us?"

Her eyes lit up again. "I think so. I liked it when we toured it, but last night, I had a dream about it. It was this particular house but filled with pet doors… that's why I ended up jotting stuff down. I couldn't sleep anyway, and it seemed like the perfect theme for Emily's special book."

She looked so beautiful sitting there in my t-shirt with her bedhead. Her excitement over the story idea, as well as this house she was speaking of, was so evident. I wanted to hold her tight, to see if her enthusiasm would spill over. At the same time, I wanted to tenderly kiss her and tell her this spark she had this morning was what made me love her in the first place. If she kept this up, she could convince me to do anything, even with closed windows.

I was about to make a move on starting up that 'anything' when Don Everly decided to join us. He wasn't the flexible little guy he was when he first began wedging himself between us on the couch. After the obligatory tongue-washing my face always received from him, he swiftly turned and dropped his head on Bella's lap for some ear-rubbing. As he had only dropped his front half, I got the hind quarters. And tail. Like a windshield wiper on pulse, it methodically swept the side of my head. Shifting away would only allow me to take it to the face, so I stayed put.

"You take so much abuse, Ugg Head." Bella's teasing voice was soft and filled with love.

"What if they have another one?" I mused aloud.

"Who have another what?"

"Alice and Jazz. If they have another kid calling me Ugg Head. What if they get Nathan doing it too? Am I going to be named after those ridiculous boots forever?"

"I don't know… you are kind of ridiculous yourself. I think Emily named you quite well."

"You're not complaining, because you got a nice name." Emily could manage hers much better. It sounded more like 'Annabelle', but at least Bella wasn't footwear.

"You're not complaining either." Bella took hold of Don's tail and gave me an extra playful lash with it. "You love it. I can tell."

I didn't have to respond. Of course she was right, and I knew my smile would tell her that. "Can we arrange to have another look at this house? Later on? I want to have a quick nap." And I wanted to move on this. I needed to show Bella that would move forward together, no matter what we decided to do about children. Honestly, I would be just as happy as the family of three we were.

~ 0 ~

When we signed the papers for our new home, news came of another happy family of three. Bella had arranged for Bree to meet my parents, and of course they were thrilled to help her in any way they could. The old me would have worried endlessly for my mom. I would have wondered if she saw Elizabeth every time she looked at Bree. The new me saw a woman revived. Mom had a purpose once more and an overabundance of love and advice to give out. Bree adored that, as well as my dad's calming nature. She looked like the weight of the world had been lifted from her. That was the effect these two had on those they loved, whether born to them or not. I felt so proud to be their son.

Dad notarized the purchase agreement, and we toasted our new home with a sparkling cider. We didn't want to leave Bree and little Emily out of the celebration. When Don didn't get his own bowl of cider, he carefully nudged Nathan's sippy cup of juice from his hands, much to the little boy's delight. He had a big, boisterous laugh that always ended with hiccups. The startled look on his pudgy face when he'd hiccup never failed to make me laugh. Emily was sitting on her other uncle's lap with her own sippy cup, laughing along with us until a mortified look took over and she froze.

Emmett called out, "Toot, toot!"

My brother and I were practically in tears.

"Hey, Al! She lets rip exactly like you used to!"

"I never did that!"

And the sibling bickering was on.

Bella and I slowly eased away from the noise for a quiet celebration of our own. Because the house was completely empty, but for us and empty bottles and plastic cups of cider, everything echoed even from another room. In the front door of our newly purchased house, we held hands and kissed.

"Tell me honestly, Edward. Do you feel like a kept man living here?"

"Nope," I said emphatically. "You owe me after sponging off me for the past two years." I took her playful slap and then kissed her ring finger. "I hope Gianna and Marcus would be happy for you – for us."

"I wish they could be here," she said softly. "And Gran. And Aro! Oh my gosh! We didn't ask Aro to come tonight? I can't believe that slipped my mind."

It hadn't slipped mine, but I hadn't wanted to bring down Bella's enjoyment of our day. I couldn't keep it from her now. "Bella, Aro's not doing so well."

Her smile fell and her eyes searched mine for the truth.

"I've been trying to call him for days. I left tons of messages. I got a call yesterday. One of his nurses got fed up hearing it ring and checked the messages."

Bella's eyes filled with tears. "Yours were the only calls, weren't they?"

I nodded.

"We have to go to him. Let him know he's not alone."

I nodded again, wanting to be with my old confident and friend, but dreading watching Bella mourn the loss of another grandparent. Aro wasn't blood to her, but the next best thing. And he didn't have long left in this world.

"We should go tonight if you want to speak to him."

A few seconds of spurting tears, and I thought Bella was heading back to her days of depression and endless crying. She shocked me when she took a deep breath, pinched her eyes shut, and dried her cheeks. When she looked at me, there was determination, not sorrow.

"You get the car started. I'll go tell them we're going."

~ 0 ~

As we walked the corridor to Aro's room, I couldn't help but wonder if he'd be in better shape if he hadn't moved to Port Angeles to be closer to Bella and me. Would another hospital have been able to prevent the second, debilitating stroke he'd had after being admitted? I felt Bella tug on my fingers and realized I was being stupid thinking that way. This hospital is where Bella had been treated. Where she recovered and grew strong. Where she survived child birth after such a traumatic time during pregnancy.

"Stay with me, Edward," she whispered. "Aro needs us now."

After all Aro had done for me, there was no way I could wimp out and do the avoidance thing. I shook away my morbid thoughts, smiled tenderly at my wife, and stepped into the dimly lit room. Aside from the blinking lights on his monitors, the only light was the faint fluorescent over the head of his bed. It made him appear ghostly. His cheeks were sunken and grey. His fluttering eyelids displayed the wrinkles of his true age. To me, Aro had never aged. He seemed to be the same age a week ago as he was when we'd first met. Tonight, he looked old and frail.

Bella immediately rushed to his side and took his hand in hers, careful not to disturb the tubes that seemed to come from everywhere. "Oh, Aro," she whispered with a sigh. "I just found you."

A tear came to my eye instantly, but I brushed it away with determination. I held Bella's shoulders while I placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. "We're both here, Aro. You're not alone."

If he heard us, or was aware of our presence in any way, there was no indication. Nurses checked on him through the night as we sat our vigil. My mind memorized every detail of the dying man, replacing it with images of a happier, healthier, and much more verbal man. The man I knew in life. The man I respected and adored more than any other person outside family. He'd helped me put my life together, and I would never forget that. I wanted to be certain that when I thought of him, it wouldn't be like this. There would be no dark circles around his eyes, only the crinkles that had been formed from his kind smile. I would think of his skin as being as thick and tough as he was, not the translucent papery skin that showed every vein. He'd have a blush to his cheeks from running down the stairs of his old office to greet me. And he would eternally whisper words of wisdom to me – reminders of what I could do with this life, and more importantly, what I should not miss out on out of fear .

Bella and I sat like statues as that horrid sound of a flatline on the heart monitor sounded out just after dawn. She held his hand. I held her hand. Silently, I bowed my head and wished him well in his afterlife. _Please take care of him. He's a good, good man._

No one rushed in to revive him. It was his own wish, and it wasn't for anyone to argue. Instead, the nursing staff gave us those initial moments alone with him before they quietly set about removing the equipment around his bed. Neither of us moved. It felt surreal but for the searing pain in my gut. This is what it felt like to lose someone you loved – someone you _knew_ and loved. I felt like an idiot for thinking I'd understood what Mom had been through. I knew now. I understood my mother's grief for my birth mother was stronger than mine. I'd merely missed out on knowing her. It wasn't the same catastrophic loss my parents would have felt.

And Bella… sweet Bella. She'd suffered the loss of so many loved ones. I wasn't sure how to conduct myself in this situation. I knew I had to be there for Bella, but I also knew it wouldn't be healthy to bury my own grief. I needed guidance. I needed Aro .

I didn't realize I was sobbing until my wife held me with strong, loving arms. We wept together. We consoled each other, and we said goodbye to our dear friend – together .

~ 0 ~

I stopped at the nurse's station while Bella went to tidy herself up in the washroom. Sue, one of Bella's old night nurses, was advising her shift replacement of the night's happenings so I waited patiently. When she spotted me, she smiled sympathetically and excused herself.

"I know you're in and out of here all the time now with your run, but it's quite different when it's a loved one, isn't it?"

"Sure is," I agreed in a subdued voice. "I, uh… I don't exactly know what I'm supposed to do now."

"It's tough, for sure. Time heals though, Edward. You'll get through –"

"No, no." I cut her off before I went on a trip down self-pity lane again. "I mean with arrangements and all. He had no close family. I'll be happy to do whatever's necessary, but I don't know where to start. Here? Is there something I need to sign off on? Or do I contact a funeral home and they do all that? I have no idea."

"So thoughtful." Sue gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "It's all taken care of, hon. He had a living will, and that included all the arrangements in the event of his death. You don't have to worry about that. I'll see if I can get the funeral director's name for you, in case you need it."

A weight was lifted off me. Honestly, I was prepared to handle it all. I'd do that for my friend. But I would always worry that I'd arrange something he didn't want. Even after death, Aro was making things easier for me.

I excused myself when Bella joined us. I wanted to let my family know he was gone. I hated putting a damper on Alice and Jasper's housewarming, but this was reality. I talked to Emmett and asked that he deliver the news, knowing he'd handle it with tact. More importantly, he wouldn't fuss over me and my well-being over the phone like many other family members would. I was in a calm state at the moment – sort of drifting. It was better than carrying the initial pain or being panicked over the days to come, and it was all my doing. This wasn't a pill-induced calmness. I felt like if one person other than Bella made me cry over this, I'd have to drop a whole bottle of pills down my throat to numb the sensations. If I did that, I would be in no condition to sense what Bella needed from me. I could fully trust Emmett to know what to do with me, and I'd handle the rest.

"That was quick," Bella said with surprise when I appeared by her side.

"Emmett," I mumbled. "I got hold of Em. He'll take care of everything else."

She nodded her agreement. "Good. Now I can take care of you."

"Me? I'm more concerned about you right now."

Her face showed her shock. "Me? Edward, you were much closer to Aro than I was. You've known him almost half your life."

"But you've gotten so close. It's like you've lost another grandparent."

She held on to both my hands as she faced me. Her eyes shone with fresh tears but also an unspeakable love. "We've both lost a grandparent in Aro. We can take care of each other. Deal?"

I kissed her forehead before embracing her. Having Bella in my arms was better than any amount of pills. It felt serene. It also made me forget we were still standing at the nurse's station.

"We should go," I mumbled into Bella's hair.

"Before you do…" Sue broke in. "I have something for you."

I assumed it was the information about the funeral home, and I was partially correct. She handed me a card with the pertinent info, as well as a sealed envelope. My name was on the front – _Edward_. Just Edward.

I looked at Bella in confusion but saw that she held a similar envelope. _Bella_.

"He was quite alert for a bit after we brought him around from the initial stroke. He couldn't write, but he could mumble a bit. There was something he wanted to say to you both, I suppose. He was very determined to get it out. It took a while, but I think we got it down as he wanted it. I wish I'd known you were the Edward and Bella he cared so much about. We could have contacted you earlier –"

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and shook my head. "Don't worry, Sue. I'm just glad we were with him in the end. Thank you. Thanks for taking time with him. If you'd known him before, you'd know how much he loved to talk."

She smiled kindly at me. "I definitely got that impression. Now, you two go home and get some rest."

~ 0 ~

Rest. My body was exhausted. My mind virtually motionless. It had been like this for hours, but the last thing I could do was sleep. It seemed that Bella was faring much the same. She sat by the window in her favourite chair, sipping a hot tea but not speaking. She stared out the window, but her eyes were blank.

Even Don sensed there was something terribly sad going on. He was curled up on the floor in front of her feet. The foot she had dangling over the side that normally enticed him into playing was left alone. She stared out the window, and Don Everly stared at her.

I stared at the table.

Emmett had taken the information from me and contacted the funeral director himself. He and my dad had gone in to make sure everything was just as Aro had wanted, as per his pre-arrangement. My scribbled notes about their meeting were on a pad of paper. He had also asked Tanya to take care of the catering for the viewings and post-funeral gathering. Of course she had obliged. I stared at the scribbles so long, the ink blurred into a Rorschach ink blot. It was a bat.

No, something caped. A vampire? More like a superhero, I should think.

No. It was an angel.

Taking a deep breath, I turned my eyes to the two envelopes laying there unopened. Bella was afraid to open hers in case it was another endowment she'd feel reluctant to take. I was afraid to open mine in case it was goodbye. Forever.

"Open yours first."

I jumped in my seat, startled by her voice. I hadn't even seen her approach.

"Are you sure you're ready?"

She nodded. "If you are."

I pulled her down on my lap before I reached for my envelope. "We'll read together."

This wasn't an ink blot. The brief letter was in feminine script. The absence of his familiar handwriting removed it just enough from a personal farewell from Aro that I figured I could get through it.

_My dear friend,_

_You've found your strength, now use it. Be strong, my boy. Be strong. _

_I am proud of every accomplishment you've made. Be proud, my boy. _

_Do what you know is in you to do. _

_I will see you on the other side. In time. _

_ Aro _

Bella smiled sadly. "It lacks his usual flair with words, but that is so Aro. He loved you, Edward. He saw you for who you are, and he loved you."

"He had faith in me," I whispered in response. "He's telling me to keep my shit together for this. Not to fall apart."

"He's telling you you're strong and capable. And he's out there, watching over you," she countered softly.

I took that in and the message swirled around in my head until another ink blot formed. A cross.

"It's your turn." I reached for Bella's envelope and tore it open before she could protest. She held this one while I read over her shoulder.

_My dearest Bella, _

_The granddaughter I wish I'd had. The one I chose. Blood is not everything. It does not make you who you are entirely._

_You had a guide, my sweet girl, a guide in your youth who was every bit the kind soul you have always been. She taught you how to love. The family you chose taught you how to give, as well as receive. _

_I haven't had you in my life long enough to say goodbye. This is not goodbye. A long, long time from now, I will see you again. _

_I'll be waiting for you with the most beautiful angel of all. _

_And I will be smiling._

_Aro_

Bella turned around to throw her arms around me, sobbing. "He's with Gran!" I couldn't tell if her tears were the good or bad kind .

~ 0 ~

It wasn't until later that night – having been up for nearly 48 hours – that we finally fell into bed.

"He obviously dictated yours first. It had more of his flair," I commented as Bella curled into my side.

"He knew he was going to die."

I didn't respond instantly. I had to take a moment to wonder what that was like. I wondered if Elizabeth had known. Was it better to know? I always thought quick was best. Quick and painless, preferably.

"He sounded okay with that." Bella continued with her thoughts when I didn't speak.

"He didn't sound depressed about it," I concurred. "I bet he was thinking of Gran the whole time."

"Can you image that? Waiting your whole life to be reunited with your true love only after death?"

"What if she's with your grandfather?"

Bella hummed, giving that consideration. "I didn't know him. But I do know Aro, and if Gran knew him as we did, she would have loved him in life too."

"Maybe she did. Maybe she made a poor choice with Marcus, but didn't know how to fix it."

"Maybe she didn't want to ruffle any feathers between friends."

"Maybe she hid her true love from him, just as he did."

"Just as _we_ did." Bella tipped her head back and kissed my chin. "Let's go with that."

I smiled sleepily. "We will. And it's happily ever after for all."

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ *ahem* Remember me? More importantly, remember these characters? I sure hope so because we're almost there. Shug read my final chapters and gave her nod of approval, so they are on to their final edits. Just two more - well, one long one and an epilogue. I'm planning to post both at once. _

_On a personal note, I'd like to say there are some outstanding folks in this community. Shug, of course. She makes times for me now matter how long I hide. *squishes you!* __Each and every one of you who took a moment to reach out and say 'hey' during my absence, I thank you. You're amazing. To know that people out there remembered my stories and cared enough to check in means more than I could ever say. And then there is the above and beyond... oh, My Kyla, you missed your calling. If anyone is ever in need of a PR agent, look up theonlykyla. In fic, and in life, I'd want this angel rep'ing me. Thank you, BB. Just... thank you for being you._

_And a huge thanks to everyone who's stuck around for all these months. I am sorry. See you soon. How's next Monday? ;) ~ SR XX_


	40. Chapter 39

_**True Love Way**_

**Chapter 39**

For the first time in my life, I felt fortunate to never have known my birth mother. If I'd known her, losing her would have been too horrific to contemplate. As it was, Aro's death was the first loss of the sort that had an immediate impact. I'd felt like I had a knife wedged in my gut for weeks. It was difficult to concentrate on the most menial of tasks. The oddest thing would bring Aro to mind, and I began to wonder if I'd ever feel good after thinking about him.

Bella loved reminiscing about Gran, and she took to retelling stories of Aro, as well. It helped her, but it only made me realize I'd never see him again. I'd never speak to him. I'd never sit and watch his body language for clues as to what he really thought of what I was saying to him.

Always the stronger of us, Bella said some parting words on our behalf at his funeral. I was unable to speak to the modest-sized crowd. Old friends of his had made the trip to pay their respects, as well as colleagues. I searched the crowd for any signs of an old lover of his but couldn't pinpoint anyone. Not a single cousin, niece, or great-nephew attended. It angered me that this man – this brilliant, compassionate man – had not one family member in his life, or in his death. The anger passed, replaced with sadness and then determination.

He was not without family. _I_ was his family. The Cullens/Swans/McCartys were his family. With that in mind, I overrode his final wish and took his remains to Forks following the funeral service. I didn't want him to rest alone eternally.

The next spring, I stood over the new headstone with my wife at my side. Aro rested head-to-head with Elizabeth. It was Bella's idea to do it that way, with a shared stone. All I knew was that I wanted him with her. I felt that if Elizabeth had known him in life, her troubles may have been minimized. And if anything still bothered her, Aro would help her through on the other side and make her afterlife that much better.

It was my idea to have the Celtic knot design engraved on each side, and we both thought it should include the remaining malachite. The stone, so precious to me, was ground into a dust and sealed into the engraved knot.

_Malachite: protection from negativity. Transformation stone indicating change and prosperity. _They would be happy in their afterlife.

_The continuity of everlasting love and binding together of two souls._ I had never forgotten Bella's words as she explained why she'd chosen this design for my ring. As love had many variations, it was appropriate to remember Aro and Elizabeth with the same design. _No beginning, no ending. _

It connected the four of us in a way that finally gave me peace. At last, I was truly ready to move on.

~ 0 ~

"Say goodbye to your first real home, Don Everly." Bella stood in the middle of the empty apartment. It hadn't felt right to us, moving in the day we lost Aro. We soon realized it would never let us have the life we wanted so we'd re-leased my old apartment until something else came up for us. Her eyes showed a slew of emotions. I knew she was excited about the purchase of our new house, but at the moment, her voice had a tremor to it. I could never be sure, but it didn't seem like a happy cry.

I moved behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and placing a kiss on her neck. "He's going to be happier at the other house," I said softly. "We all will."

Smiling with misty eyes, she nodded. "I know. I just have so many great memories of this place. There are moments I don't ever want to forget."

"You're a writer, Bella. Your mind holds so much it will just be a matter of doing a search for the right thought and you'll be able to picture the exact moment you want to recall."

She chuckled, pressing herself firmly into my chest. "I wish I had a hard drive and a search function. Instead, I have my journals. And best of all, I have you. And Don Everly, of course."

We had agreed to stick with what we knew worked for us – this threesome. All discussion of children had been put aside since we would never agree on the method of obtaining one. This was better for us, as was the house we were moving into. It wasn't exactly as I'd envisioned it in my dreams, but the look in Bella's eyes when we signed the papers for it was. This was the house that would allow her to be at peace with her own demons. She hadn't so much as hesitated when it came to using her inheritance to purchase it outright. The resale of the first house had been put into a trust fund for Bree's baby. Bella was much more comfortable with sharing her wealth now.

My brother and his family were already waiting at our new house when we arrived. Alice, with her endless energy, was anxious to get in and clean before the moving truck arrived. Her supplies were sitting on the porch.

"You don't mind this?" I tipped my head toward Alice before we exited the car.

"Hey, if she wants to clean our house, I say go for it." Bella chuckled a little, shaking her head. "I didn't have the heart to tell her a maid service has already been through. She's so excited about this."

That was my Bella – proficient and thoughtful. I also knew there would be just a hint of enjoyment for her watching Alice slave away needlessly.

Don Everly bolted from the car the moment Bella opened her door. Emily was on her way to greet him but stopped when she saw him running. More than once he'd taken her off her feet with his exuberant greeting. She was a quick learner. I leaned on the roof of the car watching them play together on the grass while Jasper and Alice presented coffee and muffins to start off our day.

"I brought a treat for Don, too," Alice informed us. She was practically bouncing. "It's on the porch."

"Great. He'll love that. Do you think caffeine was wise for you this morning?" I asked teasingly.

Her eyes widened as her dance intensified. "I've had to pee so bad for the past fifteen minutes–"

"Ah. Say no more. Come on, I'll let you in." I took the porch steps two at a time with Alice on my heels. "Venti was a bad idea, huh?"

"You have nooooo idea. Thanks!" She shoved me aside the moment the key unlatched the lock. She was almost as familiar with the new layout as we were, so she wasted no time finding the nearest washroom. Emily was right behind her.

"She's got her mother's bladder, I guess." I accepted the coffee Jasper held out for me.

He shook his head. "She's in a new phase – separation anxiety. She can't be out of sight of Alice. Mom offered to take her for a few days so we could really help you out, but we had to turn her down. There's enough chaos in that house with Bree's little one. There's no way a visit from a screeching Emily would be enjoyable for anyone at the moment."

In a way I understood, even though I knew nothing about kids. Don was that way with Bella sometimes. Even more, I was that way with my siblings for a couple of decades.

Behind Jasper, the door inched open and a tiny face peered out shyly. "Is there a munchkin in my house? I didn't see any when we were here before. Oh wait… is that Emily?"

She giggled, her chin tucked into her chest but her eyes turned upwards at me.

"It looks like Emily. The munchkin has hair just like Emily. And big, pinchable cheeks like Emily."

The little girl giggled some more and opened the door just a bit wider. Jasper stepped aside to watch this play out.

"I'd swear that's Emily's laugh, too. Did a munchkin steal my Emily's laugh? And her hair?"

"It's me," she whispered.

"It's who?"

"Me!"

"Me who?"

"Me, Emilme."

"Emilme? Do I know an Emilme?" God, she was just as fun to tease as Alice.

"Emily! It's Emily, Unc Ed!" Thankfully, her speech had improved enough that I was no longer Ugg Head, though Bella still liked to tease me with that name. "I made it wrong."

"Emily, Emilme – whoever you are – I want to know why you're in my house without giving me a hug first. What's up with that?"

Smiling, pigtails bouncing, she sprang from the doorway and clung to my legs. I was so glad they had made the move to Port Angeles. I couldn't imagine not getting to see Emily transform from an ape-walking baby into this sweet little girl. I still felt awkward around her for the most part, but she never seemed to notice. She always had a smile for me and big hugs. I'd often catch her staring at me as though she was waiting for me to notice her.

"Listen, Emily, I have an important job for you today." After removing her from my legs, I sat on the top step of the porch stairs and she climbed on my lap. "Uh, okay. I guess you can sit there."

She stared up at me, clearly not about to move anywhere else. I could hear Jasper snickering behind me.

"Today, I need you to take care of Don Everly. Everyone is going to be busy moving stuff around and all of that. Don will probably feel a bit left out. Kind of lonely. It would be so much help if you could play with him and help keep him out of trouble. Can you do that?"

"All day?"

"Aaaallllll day. And then we can go see a friend of mine. She found out that you're crazy about… oh boy, what was it again? Strawberries? Bumbleberries? Or was it cherries?"

"Booberries!"

"Right, that's it – blueberries. Do you remember Lauren?"

"The lunch lady."

Lauren frequently brought lunches from her restaurant over to _Family First_. Sometimes Emily was there with Alice.

"That's her. Well, she makes really delicious ice cream. It's frozen yogurt really, but it's so good you think it's ice cream. She told me she has a special batch of blueberry, just for you."

Her eyes widened and her mouth formed into an 'O'.

"Just remember the job you have today, honey," Jasper reminded her. "You're to look after Don."

"And then I get booberry cream?"

He nodded with his most affectionate smile. "And remember to say 'thank you.'"

"What if he makes boom-boom?"

"Well, you don't have to thank him for that."

Her big eyes blinked at me, not even beginning to comprehend my joke. In fact, they seemed to indicate she thought I was a complete idiot. I did a better job of supressing my laughter than Jasper did.

"You just have to play with him, Emily. You don't have to pick up boom-boom," I assured her.

"If he makes boom-boom, you just call over Uncle Ed and he'll take care of it." Jasper gave my back a hardy slap as he winked at his daughter. Satisfied, she leapt off my lap and joined Bella, who was setting up a bowl of water for Don in the garage.

"You do a great job pretending to understand her," Jasper said as he took a seat next to me. "It's not easy. Sometimes I don't have a clue what she's saying."

I stared at my brother inquisitively.

"The doctor says she'll get better once she's in school. They don't think it has anything to do with her being premature…" He stared off in her direction, but appeared to be seeing nothing.

"What…? Are you saying she's–"

"They've always warned us there may be some developmental issues."

"She's small, but she's not… There's nothing wrong with her, Jazz."

One side of his mouth turned up. "You sound like Alice."

"Oh Christ. Kill me now."

He chuckled softly. "Sometimes that's a good thing – being like Alice. She doesn't have a problem understanding our daughter either. Maybe it's just me."

It was difficult for me seeing my brother doubt himself. I'd always envied his self-confidence. "You're a great dad," I reassured him in a low voice. "I think you've just got a lot going on right now – the move, the new job. I don't know, Jazz. It's not like I have many conversations with toddlers, but I think they all talk jibberish… in Greek. Most of the time I'm just making lucky guesses at what she says. Alice is with Emily all day, every day. It seems reasonable that they'd have fewer problems communicating."

"I need to spend more time with my girls."

I smirked at him. "That's not what I was getting at, but it wouldn't hurt."

"I should have talked to you sooner. You can always put things into proper perspective for me." He flashed me a crooked grin of his own. "Ugg Head."

I gave him a swat as I stood. Taking the porch stairs two at a time, I grinned at him from the ground. "I've carried that name proudly, I'll have you know."

The moving truck arrived just moments before the delivery of our new appliances. In between, Rosalie and Nathan arrived. He looked sleepy, having dozed off the moment the car started, but Rose looked well-rested and in great spirits.

"Emmett's catching a quick nap," she told me. "They had a busy night at the fire station, so I made him go to bed as soon as he got home. He's useless when he's this tired."

"I don't know about that. You are about to witness me and Jasper haul furniture. Then you'll see useless."

"Dear brother, I'm used to the two of you being useless – around the kitchen, anything mechanical, both socks in a pair finding the washing machine." She counted off our inabilities on her fingers. "Not to mention neither of you understand women. Useless. I can't believe I married another one just like you guys."

"You're raising another one, too." I grinned impishly at her as I stroked Nathan's head. It was sweaty from his power nap, his soft hair matted under my hand.

"What a blessing," she quipped with her own flare of sarcasm. "It actually is, but you know what I mean. Is Alice driving you nuts yet?"

I shook my head. "Nah. She's actually been really great. Emily's been so good with Don too. A big help. They're in the back yard if you want to go say hi. Alice is polishing the windows to a streak-free shine while she watches them."

A maniacal smile lit up my sister's face. "I'm gonna go do a lip-plant on the glass – drive her crazy. Maybe let Nathan do a little spit painting, as well."

That's how the morning went: laughter and teasing, all while pitching in to get our dream house ready to actually live in. The only thing missing was Emmett's presence, and of course, his muscle power. My back was in need of a break, so I took the kids out front with Don Everly to watch for Emmett. The girls were throwing together a lunch for us, and Jasper had run out for more coffee and much needed muscle.

I sprawled on the grass, Don Everly spread out beside me and the kids piled on top of me. Not exactly the rest my aching muscles needed, but I was enjoying it nonetheless. Emily was attempting to teach Nathan how to say my name. He had only mastered three words so far: Mama, Dada, and dawwww, which everyone knew meant Don Everly.

Nathan was a curious toddler with an extremely pleasant manner. He never seemed ill-at-ease. Jasper kept assuring us all he would reach the fussy stage where he shied away from strangers and even us at times. Watching this little guy, I couldn't imagine him not being the amicable little boy everyone wanted to be around. It struck me at that moment how different my niece and nephew were. It also hit home that I'd wasted so much time worrying about Nathan ever feeling out of place that I had ignored the possibility it might be my niece who carried the same burden I had.

"You know, Emily, you're a great cousin to Nathan. You help him so much. He looks up to you."

Her eyelashes batted as she peered down at her hands. Her lips were curled into a smile however.

"Nathan, can you say _Emily_? I think he should learn your name first, don't you?"

We were working on that when the ladies announced lunch. They were setting up on the porch since the inside reeked of lemon oil. Alice had insisted on treating the wood floors before the furniture got dragged across it. Who was I to stop her?

"Peanut butt?" Emily asked hopefully.

I quirked an eyebrow at her as I held her in one arm and Nathan in the other. "You eat butts? Well, I shouldn't judge. I've never tasted the butt of a peanut. Only Bell–" I was cut off with a quick swat up the back of my head.

I smiled in return at my sweet wife, then ogled her great tasting butt when she turned away from me.

Emily pouted when she found out there was no peanut butter but sat quietly holding onto her wedge of a ham sandwich. I sat on the step in front of her and made a show of loving my ham to no end. It was the greatest sandwich ever. Hers was soon nibbled to the crust and Alice was smiling proudly at me. As outspoken as she could be, Alice had never once questioned us about when we were starting a family of our own. Instead, she often gave me approving looks like somehow she knew it would all come together without her interference.

"I think our dessert has arrived," Bella sang out as she eyed Lauren's Mini approaching the house. My girl did her ice cream lovin' dance on the porch. Emily stood behind her, emulating her moves. Nathan laughed and clapped with glee.

Don Everly caught on to her excitement, as well, and instantly ran across the yard, barking. Emily, the appointed doggie-sitter, was right after him.

"Perfect timing," Rose announced, looking in the opposite direction. Jasper was parking across the street. An alert Emmett was out of the car first, giving us a big smile and wave.

"Dada!" Like a flash, Nathan toddled in his direction.

The world slowed for me in that moment. I could feel every beat as my heart pounded in my chest. My feet seemed to lag behind my legs as I ran after him. A truck was coming. It would soon turn the corner. It was coming too fast. Nathan was too fast. Why had everything slowed but the truck and Nathan? Why couldn't I scream and make him stop running? Why wasn't anyone screaming for him to stop? In reality, they most likely were. All I could hear was my own heartbeat and strangled breathing, and Nathan's carefree giggle as he dashed for his father.

Words came to me then. I don't think I screamed them. It was a prayer. A desperate prayer. _God, please don't take Nathan from us now. Please… I'm begging you…_

I was barking. Why was I barking?

No, it wasn't me. It was Don, running beside me. Now taking the lead.

_Fuck, no. Not both of them! _

The truck was making the sharp turn onto our street. It was going too fast. Too fucking fast. _Slow down!_

The sound of tires screeching was an awakening for me. Suddenly sound came from all around me. Emmett yelling for his son to stop. _Wait for Daddy._

I could see everyone; they hadn't disappeared. Rosalie stood frozen in fear. Alice chanted her own prayer of three words: _oh my God… oh my God… oh my God…_

Bella's sharp gasp cut through me like an ice shard. _Stop! Stop the truck!_

Jasper stood on the street, car door wide open, flailing his arms. Were they always so thin?

And Nathan, the little miracle baby, toddled on as though he was being encouraged. He only had the grand prize in sight – his dad.

"Nathaaaaan!" My voice came through in a boom. A sharp bark followed, and that's when everything went into high gear. Don Everly flew past me. I swear he was airborne and had a cape on. It was blue. Just as he pounced on Nathan, something else drew my attention. A little girl with soft brown curls and big eyes. The forgotten one. While everyone focused on Nathan, Emily had been following Don Everly just as she was instructed to do. She hadn't been able to keep up. She was behind the truck that had squealed to a halt. She was walking now, not running. She was in shock.

And she was walking out on the street.

On the street.

Behind the truck.

In front of a second truck. Why hadn't I noticed so much traffic on this street? Were there always trucks coming and going? There was a park just down the street. It wasn't safe with kids running around. Kids… Emily.

Between the trucks… _oh God!_

"Emily, no!" As Don Everly flew one way towards Nathan, I sailed after Emily. I couldn't stop her.

I couldn't stop her.

She was on the street. Between the trucks. The second set of brakes now deafening.

I realized I wasn't breathing. Hadn't been breathing. I no longer felt my heartbeat.

My heart had stopped. I was dead anyway, but Emily didn't have to be…

Even as I felt my head slam against something incredibly hard and unmoving, I only had one thought: Sacrificing myself for Emily was the right thing to do .

~ 0 ~

Dying was easier than I thought it would be. Sure, there was pain, but it was quick. I'd barely had time to register the agony before I was drifting. Quietly, smoothly drifting. It was calming. Contrary to what people say about a white light, there was none. It was red. Not deep crimson or blood red, but the kind of red you see in the odd sunset. When the sun meets the ocean in mid-summer, and there's a glow surrounding it that turns from gold to amber, then burnt orange and then… death. It wasn't so bad. I figured it was worse on those left behind. Much, much worse.

My euphoria faded. The soothing sunset red turned to black. And I felt…

Nothing.

~ 0 ~

My lungs hurt. Are you supposed to keep breathing when you're dead? It seemed to me that you shouldn't have to, but maybe you could make a show of trying to so it seemed like you were still alive somehow. I gave it a try. It stung. Not worth it.

Something slapped against my face. It was suffocating. I panicked until I realized that I couldn't suffocate – I was already dead. The burning in my lungs ebbed as I relaxed. It almost felt like I was breathing again. It made me smile and I was drifting once more.

~ 0 ~

A waterfall. _There are waterfalls in Heaven?_ That's what I was drifting towards. I swear I felt my heart begin to beat in fear. Silly, the things you can make yourself believe when you're in a certain frame of mind.

I tried to convince myself that I was imagining the waterfall along with my heartbeat. I looked over at Aro, drifting beside me with that knowing smile on his face.

Aro? I thought I had imagined him! I thought the whole thing had been a dream while I was drifting or in blackness. It all came rushing back now – how he'd met me at the gate. Our full conversation played out at an insane speed, yet I was able to take it all in. I remembered every detail of our meeting in the beyond. Every word of wisdom he'd bestowed upon me.

"This is where we part, Edward."

"No." I shook my head, grasping at air beside me to try to stop the ride. "No. I'm not ready."

"You are ready, my boy. You've been ready longer than you know. We'll see each other again."

If I couldn't trust Aro, who could I trust?

"Promise?"

"Indeed."

"Aro… you saved my life back then. I want you to know that. Sure, it didn't last long. Not nearly long enough. I wanted to spend forever with Bella."

"And you shall."

I felt heavy thinking of her joining me in the non-living world. Would she still have snot bubbles if she didn't have to breathe? I could appreciate that.

But that would mean she had to die.

That, I couldn't deal with.

"I have to go back, Aro," I whispered to him. He was several feet away from me now, drifting to the side.

"I know. You always have a choice. Do what's right for you, Edward. You already know what that is. You've had only success since you began believing in yourself. Be well."

"Aro!" I reached out to grasp him, to look at him one last time, but he was gone. A heavy cloud separated us. He was gone.

~ 0 ~

Pain came afterward. A lot of it.

I cursed Aro for leaving me to drift alone. Alone, going off the damned waterfall. I'd been afraid at first, but then it changed. It felt invigorating. Freeing. When I plunged into the depths below, I felt cleansed of all my many faults. Every mistake, every wrong turn suddenly seemed very right. I was comfortable with my life. I was comfortable with myself. When I emerged from the water, it was like being reborn. I was giddy with wonder of things to come.

Then the pain hit.

I was alone. There was no one to share my rebirth with. Oddly, the worst of the aching was centered in my head. The red glow began to burn behind my eyes again, only now it was mottled with white streaks. Jesus… I'd have migraines even AFTER death? Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?

~ 0 ~

"I think he's gonna hurl."

"I _know_ he's gonna hurl. Help me turn him over."

With the sound of those familiar voices, the white streaks blurred into a flash of white. My stomach felt like it contained the entire contents of the waterfall. And it was coming back out.

"Ew. Ham."

"Emily, don't get so close, honey. Uncle Ed needs some space right now."

Ham? My head cleared – or my thoughts anyway. Someone seemed to be hammering on my head, but I knew those voices and I knew a miracle had happened. I'd come back. And Emily…

"Em–" As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, it was cut off with another wave of ham. "Emily? Is she o—_huuuack_—kay?"

"Finish yakking, Ed. Then talk. Emily is fine, thanks to you."

I sighed in relief hearing Emmett's words. I flopped my head down, satisfied I was now empty. If someone would kill the guy with the jackhammer, I'd be fine too. Why did the hospital let someone in with power tools?

"Nathan?" A new panic arose. "Is–?"

"He's fine too. Thanks to Wonder Dog here."

I smiled, proud of my puppy for acting the hero. He wasn't exactly a puppy anymore. He was a strong, healthy and powerful dog. And he had saved my nephew. Both children were all right, as was Don Everly, and I was back to life.

"Bella?" She must have been horribly worried.

"I'm right here." Her soft voice came from the top of my head. Was she wielding the jackhammer? No, it was a cold compress. On my forehead. Her fingers were gently weaving through my hair. I almost felt like drifting again…

"Bella!" I forced myself away from the desire to just drift off to wherever the red sunset took me. I reached for her hands to stop her from encouraging me to relax. If I calmed down, I would drift. I pulled her hands down on my chest, clutching onto them as she leaned over me. It was a strange position to be in. I could see up her nose.

"I'm sorry I made you worry."

I couldn't tell if she was smiling or frowning from this position. My head started spinning trying to figure it out so I stopped thinking about it.

"How long –" My voice caught in my throat. It was so dry. I had to have been comatose for weeks, if not months. It must have been torture for her. I wondered if my family had taken care of her – if they'd brought her food and decent coffee while she sat at my bedside. Charlie and I had had each other during our watch over Bella in a coma. I hoped she had the same kind of support. "How long was I gone?"

This time I recognized her smile for what it was. It was the same one she always gave me when I said something completely out of context – in other words, every time I made an ass of myself. It was okay because she loved me despite my penchant for doing that almost daily. She loved me when I puked ham or marshmallows. She loved me when I was at my best and worst. She'd loved me when I hadn't loved myself.

"I know who I am."

Her mouth twitched and her eyes blinked rapidly.

"I know," I repeated. "And I know that… I like who I am."

Her hands wiggled out of my grip and she stroked my cheek. "Shh, sweetie. I like who you are, too. Do you know _where_ you are?"

"I'm…" My eyes strained to take in our surroundings from a prone position. "I dunno… maybe. I'm with you."

"Obviously," she whispered back with that sweet smile on her beautiful face. "You hit your head, Edward. I think we should wait until you're thinking more clearly before we –"

"I _am_ thinking clearly. I've never been so certain of what I want." Panic began to rise as I realized Bella may not want me now. Maybe sitting with me in the hospital all these months made her see me for the weakling I felt I was in my youth. Watching me come back from the dead probably freaked her out. Or perhaps it was the moment of impact… when… last year? The day the kids were almost killed. The day I _was_ killed. She was probably glad she wouldn't have to tell our kids that their daddy was dead and then raise them without me. I'd scared her.

"Bella, I–" I tried to sit up and turn to face her, but I made the movements too quick. I swallowed back the wave of nausea that swept over me as my head threatened to explode. Was there a monitor for that? Would the nurses be alerted to the fact that I was about to be blown to bits, or would they not discover it until my brains were splattered all over the room?

My sister stepped in until the nurses could arrive. They were probably taking their time getting in because they knew Rosalie was with me. A brain surgeon was better in this situation than a nurse would be anyway. Her skilled hands were bracing my head – holding my skull together as she looked into my eyes. It must have worked, because she took one hand away and something clicked. And then something flashed.

"Ah! Fuck Rose! Are you taking pictures?"

"I'll take Emily into another room." Alice whisked her daughter away to shield her from my foul mouth. I'd never understood why certain words were forbidden. They were just words. It was just as well that she'd taken Emily away for the time being. I wouldn't want her to have the memory of my scattered brain matter should my sister not be able to keep my skull intact.

"Be quiet," Rosalie replied calmly. "I'm looking in your eyes."

Of course. It wasn't a camera flash. It was a pen light with a steady, blinding stream of light. "Well it fucking hurts. Turn that off!"

"Can you turn your mouth off while I'm this close? Your breath really stinks." Her nose was brushing against mine as she continued on with the torture.

"At least he's conscious – albeit grumpy and even more blunt than usual." Emmett chuckled after his comment. Really? He was going to make fun of me now of all times? Well it didn't matter if they all laughed. I had to endure the light torture so I could get back to Bella.

The light finally clicked off, and Bella took the spot Rosalie vacated in front of me. Good. I wouldn't have to turn. Even better, Rose was using her fingertips on pressure points on the back of my neck and base of my skull. It eased the throbbing.

"I swear to you Bella, I will never leave you again. I was so close… It was like I didn't have a choice. And it felt better to drift than to fight it, really. But I did have a choice, and you are worth fighting for. I wasn't ready to leave you forever. I had to come back so we could finish this. Together. I know what I want, and I'm no longer afraid to just go for it. I fought death for you. And for _us_. I'm ready to just be me and hope that you still love me. Can you do that? Can you put aside any fear of me dying on you and give this a shot?"

There was that familiar smile yet again. Her eyes were shimmering as they flicked over my face. "I won't let you die, Edward," she whispered. "We're not finished."

Finally, I could smile. And breathe.

"I can believe that you won't die on me. Can you do the same?" Her eyes glistened with unshed tears and deep concern. "Can you honestly say you've moved past the theory that carrying your child will kill me?"

"It sounds ridiculous when you put it that way."

"Call it what you want, but I have to know where your head's at on this." She paused, staring into my soul.

I felt completely straight. My mind was clear. Focused. So focused that I couldn't let it go. "I don't want to spend my afterlife scrawny and weak, or be the fat guy choking on a marshmallow. I don't want to be afraid that everyone sees me as a freak. And I certainly don't want to see everyone else wear their insecurities."

Bella smiled sweetly. "I can't say that I have any idea what you're talking about, but you've never been any of those things to me. I only see you, Edward. The guy I've always loved with a habit of saying the oddest things."

Laughing hurt, but hell, it was worth it, and I couldn't halt my giddiness anyway. I suddenly began thinking of all the Christmas classics, when the main character had their epiphany and went around town manically spreading cheer. _Fuck you, Emmett. I'm not grumpy anymore._

Bella kissed me, rancid breath and all – because she loved me that much.

"I have to tell you something," I told her once my emotions were under control. "I saw Aro. I spoke with him. I spent the whole time I was gone with him. He looks fucked up – covered in scars and bruises. He said something about those who were never comfortable with themselves baring their flaws in the afterlife. There were some really strange-looking people and many just walked around oblivious to it all. They didn't seem to notice the jumbo ears or beaks that some people had. There was an abundance of people with massive backsides too… like couch-sized asses. Extra cushions and everything. I didn't quite understand that."

The look of confusion on my wife's face told me she didn't understand either. I had deduced that Aro's scars had likely come from his childhood. That had to be the reason why he had no family aside from us. Another part of me wondered if his bruising was metaphorical. He could have understood my tendency for beating myself up, because he'd done the very same thing.

I wished I could remember Aro's exact words to explain it all to Bella. "My head hurts. Maybe I'll be able to remember exactly what he said, but it's really weird, Bella. It's not really what I imagined Heaven to be like. Not everyone has the perfection that's promised us in life. We bring all of this with us into the afterlife. Aro told me that the people who did seem to be in their version of Eden were all content in life. Maybe not their whole life – everyone has times when they doubt themselves or feel unworthy. Insignificant. Ugly, even. It's the people who never get over that who get fucked. What they see as their flaw is fully visible to others like themselves. Worse yet, they are able to see the worst in those people as well. It was fucked up."

"Sounds like you had a gruesome dream while you were out." Bella ran her fingers down my cheek.

I hadn't expected that. I was sure that Bella, more than anyone, would know what I'd experienced. "It wasn't a dream. I was back and forth, all over the place while I was out of it."

"You would be. The brain remains active on some level in the thought process even when you're unconscious." My sister didn't sound like she was patronizing me, but I didn't want to hear it. This wasn't a medical issue. It had nothing to do with neurons and brainwaves.

"How long was I gone?" I repeated one of my first questions that had gone unanswered.

"You got a nasty bump on the head," Rose informed me gently. "You're going to be all right, though. I'm going to go check on Emily. I'll be right outside if you need anything."

Encouraged by Rose's prognosis, I focused on Bella. "Gran was there. Aro pointed her out. Apparently she had no issues with her mortal self – she looked beautiful."

Now Bella was listening. "Did she see you? She would recognize you from pictures I showed her."

I shook my head. "She was busy. She was dancing with Don Everly." I couldn't help but smile as I recalled how carefree Gran had looked.

"There's only one problem with that – Don Everly is not dead."

"The person, not our dog," I clarified.

"Our dog, and the person. Both alive."

My brow furrowed in confusion. I knew what I'd seen. "Are you sure?"

"Quite sure, yeah."

"Hmm. I don't know why he was there, then. I think you're mistaken."

"We'll Google it later."

I nodded in agreement. It would make no sense if he wasn't really there with Gran. That would mean I'd dreamt Aro, as well. By the look on my wife's face, she believed it was all a dream or I was totally insane. At the very least, my head injury was boggling my thoughts.

"Bella, I don't want to be someone who carries their misery into the afterlife. I have to forgive myself for–" For what? What did I need forgiveness for? "I didn't kill my mother," I acknowledged in a whisper. "I know that. I believe that. I'm not a burden to anyone. I'm not perfect, but I'm not a freak either. I put myself through the ringer growing up, but I came out just the same as anyone else. I'm happy with myself, and I'm thrilled about spending my life with you. If I have a flabby belly and bad hair in the afterlife, I can live with that. Regret over stupid fears and pointless guilt is another story. I know I'm babbling on, but my point is – I'm over it. And I'm ready to be normal." I flashed my crooked grin. "As normal as I can be."

Bella laughed softly. "That's just perfect for me."

"We'll talk about this more once I'm out of the hospital." The idea of coming completely clean with Bella was the best inspiration to heal quickly now that I was conscious.

"What aren't you telling me, Edward? Is the pain worse? Is there something else that we missed? Why do you need to go to the hospital?"

Wow. I was the one with the head injury, but Bella was making no sense. "I'll be fine, silly girl. Yeah, my head is throbbing, but it's a small price to pay for having an awakening like this. I should have thrown myself in front of a truck years ago." I chuckled to lighten her up. "How many bones did I break? I haven't looked down yet. Am I in a body cast? Or have I been out long enough for the bones to heal?"

I heard laughter from behind me. Bella was supressing a grin herself.

"What?" Impatience riled me up.

"Sweetie, you weren't hit by the truck."

Bella's tone was genuine, but the words sounded untrue.

"You're not in the hospital. You're on our couch."

"Our…"

"Our new couch." She nodded, stroking my head. "The park crew carried in it for us once they saw you were alive."

"What do you…? I'm home? When?"

"You've always been home. They just left."

"I hope you didn't tip them. They were going way too fast. Could've killed me," I grumbled. "Almost did."

Bella smiled at me tenderly. "Your dive in front of the truck was most impressive. If you hadn't acted so quickly, Emily could have been hurt for sure. But you weren't hit either. You stumbled after passing Emily off to Jazz. I bet you sucked at relay races."

I frowned. "Yeah, I did. I wasn't hit?"

Bella shook her head.

"Then what exactly happened?"

"You still had your sandwich in your hand when you bolted across the yard. It looked like you couldn't decide whether to pass that to Jasper or Emily. You kind of tossed both."

Really? It was much more impressive in my mind. Now that she mentioned it, however, the sandwich did play a role. "It was a good sandwich. That's where the ham came from." I shook my thumb towards the spilled contents of my stomach from earlier.

"You really didn't want to let it go. You almost caught it too… if you hadn't tripped on the curb."

"I tripped." It wasn't a question. This scenario sounded much more like me than the one I'd imagined.

"You cracked your noggin pretty good on the sidewalk, but it's not broken."

"Me or the sidewalk?" I lifted my hand to my head, gingerly poking at the most tender spot. "I'm concussed."

Bella smiled and nodded. "You are."

"We _could_ have put him in a body cast while he was out." Emmett's voice was filled with amusement as he squatted down beside me. "They wanted to, but I wouldn't let them."

I rolled my eyes at him. "That gag has you written all over it. I don't believe you."

His dimples looked an inch deep as he grinned at me. I was tempted to poke my finger in one to see how deep it went, but a wave of dizziness hit me when my eyes went from one cheek to the other to compare them.

"Easy, buddy," he ordered in his EMT tone. "We may be teasing you about your antics, but you did take a good knock on the head. Limit the movement until the vertigo subsides." He did a quick look into my eyes without the annoying light Rosalie had used. "It's a good sign that you can tell bullshit when it's doled out. It would have been a hilarious gag."

I snorted, closing my eyes until the spinning sensation ended. All this talking was tiring. Now that I knew I hadn't been comatose for months, I felt a good nap would do me wonders.

"Can't let you go to sleep, though, dude. Sorry."

I felt a wet cloth being placed on my forehead, and Bella said she was going to get me some water.

"I'm jealous," Emmett said quietly.

I opened one eye. "Of…?"

"You win Uncle of the Year. I was hoping to take that title."

I chuckled. "You'll have another shot. Some day."

I heard him drop to the floor, settling in to stay with me. He was rubbing his neck when I glanced over.

"I feel pretty stupid," I admitted while it was just us.

"Nah. Today was classic Edward, man. It was you, doing what you do – taking care of people you love and completely fucking up your interpretation of your own role in it. You really hauled ass to get over to Emily that quickly. The hours on the treadmill paid off. Very impressive."

"Thanks," I responded under my breath.

"I, uh, I want to say something, and I hope you know where it's coming from. You know… I'm not making light of this at all."

My tongue slid over my dry lips, wishing Bella would hurry back with the water. "Let me guess – you took the last ham sandwich?"

"Ed, your humour is priceless, but I'm being serious here for a minute."

I was tempted to close my eyes just so I wouldn't have to make eye contact, but I fought the urge. That was the Edward of years ago.

"You're not like anyone I've ever known, and I think that's the coolest thing about you."

I cracked a grin, hoping I wasn't blushing. He'd be all over that shit once he wasn't a foot from my head, staring at me with a sincerity no one could ever doubt.

"What I'm trying to say, and I hope you don't take it the wrong way…" He raked a hand through his hair, sighing heavily. "Ed, you don't have to be like everyone – like us – to be normal. That stuff you were saying to Bella about all those people with Aro… that's… intense. It made me think. Made me wonder what we'll all be like there." He bowed his head, averting his eyes from mine.

"Shit. You are being serious."

He nodded. "Yeah. Thing is, I think you'll be in eternal paradise, and the rest of us will be stuck with stupid hair and shit."

"That would be ironic," I commented quietly. I wasn't sure what to say to him. The pounding in my head made it incredibly difficult to focus on conversation.

"I think I'd have a muzzle."

"You'd have a mullet?" I asked. He was mumbling a bit. Or the jackhammer had kicked it up a notch. I had to get that clarified.

"A _muzz-zzle_. To keep my big mouth shut."

I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was dead serious. "Em, it's your sister who suffers verbal diarrhea, not you."

"No. I'm the one who's kept in all the shit that should have been said when it most mattered. I spent the first half of my life playing peacekeeper. I folded to my dad's insistence that I be the captain of whatever sport was in season. I played that out for him – to keep him happy because obviously my mom and I couldn't. He fucked around on her. I hated him for that."

"Yeah," I agreed softly. He'd never mentioned his father's infidelity since that first day he'd told me about Alice having a different mother. "That was his problem, Emmett. He made that choice, and it had nothing to do with you."

"My mom made him suffer for his bad decision." Emmett smirked, surely thinking of how payback can be a bitch. "But how could I hate him when we got Alice out of his affair? I probably spoiled her. I doted on her too much when she was little, just so she wouldn't feel the strain in the family. None of it was her fault."

"She will have a princess crown in Heaven, for sure. You can carry her throne if you feel guilty about spoiling her."

My friend finally cracked a smile. He even released a small chuckle. "And Alice, well I know her post-life form will be that of a twelve-year-old boy if her biggest self-doubt shows. My mom made her feel so imperfect… for so long. I never should have put up with that. Alice is beautiful, but she never knew it until Jazz inconveniently fell for her."

A lump was forming in my throat, and I didn't think it was more ham. Jazz was her Bella. Fuck, maybe Alice knew me better than I thought all along. We had both felt like the ugly duckling among the beautiful people.

"She's a happy swan – no, Bella's the Swan. Alice is a Cullen. McCarty. No, Cullen."

"This must be making your head hurt even more. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be doing this to you."

"It's fine," I whispered. Emmett coming clean gave me more strength to do what I had to do. The conversation that I'd need to have with my Swan could make or break us.

"I really just wanted you to know that you're different, and yet _no_ different than the rest of us. You don't have to give up what you want to make other people happy, because honest to God, Ed, just seeing you and Bella together this way is what we all want. You complete each other."

It was that moment that Mini-Me popped into my head. "You complete me." I mimicked Dr Evil as best I could, cracking Emmett up just as Bella returned with a pitcher of ice water, a cup with a bendy straw, and a stack of pillows.

"Glad to see you're feeling better. Em, can you hold him up so I can stack these pillows behind him? I don't want him choking if he's still nauseated."

The waterfall feeling was gone. I wasn't floating anymore. My feet felt firmly on the ground even though they were propped up at the end of the couch. Emmett tugged the cushions out from under my legs so I wouldn't be folded up like an accordion when I sat.

"You don't need those anymore. Rose said your blood pressure was fine the last reading." He stood erect once I was settled in the new position. "Good talk, bro. I think I need to go give my sister a hug."

"And one for me," I called out as he darted from the room. Bella and I were now alone. "You Googled Don Everly, didn't you."

A blush crept into Bella's cheeks, but she wore a defiant look. "I did, in fact."

"You didn't have to bother. I know it was a dream," I admitted. "A fantastical, fucked up dream that quite possibly will change my life."

"I'm just glad it woke you up to how wonderful you are." Bella was trying to make light of my suddenly somber mood.

"I have to tell you something."

My wife sat on the edge of the couch at my waist. She wet her lips nervously and avoided my eyes. "You should probably wait until your head is clear. Confusion is a big part of a concussion. If won't be easy for me to forget what you say, even if your words are confused."

"I'm not ready to be anyone's father." There. It was out. Like ripping a Band-Aid off, it was better to just do it quickly. I looked at Bella to see the wince, but it didn't come. "I don't know if I'll ever be ready. I think I just got caught up in the whole pregnancy thing. And Nathan. I mean, he's perfect. How could anyone not want one of those? But I don't know if I truly do, Bella. I never wanted kids."

I was holding my breath, still waiting for the grimace or tears. Waiting for her to be heartbroken or pissed off. Instead, she let out a sigh.

~ 0 ~

"And if I say no, I definitely don't want anyone but you in my life – I won't be the most selfish asshole in the world?"

Bella had insisted we wait until my concussion cleared before we discussed life plans. She always was the smart one. After several days of vertigo and the worst headache of my life, I was relieved to be having this discussion one final time.

Maybe.

No. This was it. I had admitted that parenthood still wasn't for me, and after days of deep contemplation, Bella had agreed. Having a child, whether by birth or adoption, was the normal progression, but we weren't normal. A baby wouldn't be the missing puzzle piece – it would be the extra that didn't fit anywhere in the scene.

"We'll be selfish together?" She offered with glistening eyes. We had come full circle from the two friends who never wanted kids, through the whole confusing period post-marriage when it seems normal to consider raising a child, back to who we really were. The same two friends, only better. "Can we finally put this to bed now? Just enjoy our life with each other?"

"And Don Everly," I added.

"We have a beautiful niece and nephew if we ever want to be around kids."

"Uh-huh. And then we don't have them around when we want to play naked adult games."

"Ooooh, I like the way you think, Mr. Cullen."

"I like the way you taste, Mrs. Cullen." Her neck was soft, and yes, delicious against my lips. "I hope you don't look like a big butter tart in the afterlife. You taste as good."

I recognised the reproving look on her face. She didn't like that I referred to that silly dream as though it were reality. One day, we could joke about it, but not now. It was too soon. Besides, we had just had one of the most important conversations in our lives, and she deserved the serious side of me.

"Back to the real world…" I placed a tender kiss on her forehead.

"Welcome back, Edward," she said softly. "We have a lifetime left to love each other, and I'm looking forward to each and every day with you."

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><p><em>AN ~ On to the epilogue, if you so desire. _

_Go on... it's waiting for you! XX_


	41. Epilogue

_**True Love Way**_

**Epilogue**

Life is full of the unexpected. You can either run from change or embrace it. I chose to embrace the change in me after the moving day event. I was confident in my position in life. I felt free to just love my life and live it. Admittedly, Bella's near-death experience was much more genuine than mine, but we'd both experienced something that gave us the drive to pursue living the life we both wanted. We adopted a new attitude to just live every day to the fullest.

We spent years loving each other and our awkward but charming pooch before we took the big leap – adoption. The day Lizzie came home with us was one of the best and brightest. She brought the name with her, and we didn't change it. It was too much of a coincidence that she bore my birth mother's name. I fell for her from the moment I laid eyes on her. She looked so malnourished and indigent. We were told she would be a handful, needing constant care. That didn't matter after holding her for the first time. I swear she felt the connection with me from the start, too. I had silently vowed to make up for any horror she had encountered in her first months out there without us, and Lizzie held me to it.

It felt right having Lizzie in our lives. It was clear to me, and Bella, that we would continue adopting until there was no more room in our house. We took in any in need of a loving home, but we soon became known as the go-to couple for cases just like Lizzie – full care with special needs. We had an endless amount of love for those little ones.

Don Everly did, as well. He would greet each new family member in the same way – cautious sniffs before an energetic tail wag. He took the role of big brother seriously, even in his own final months. In his honour, Bella had two books published. The first was a children's story about a hip-hop doggy, of course. I could still close my eyes and see him dancing, as well as any dog could dance, to the '80s house music he so loved. He was a character, and he was missed. The second book was a compilation of Lauren's sketches and was dedicated to Don Everly – the dog, not the person.

I had doubted feeling anything resembling love for Lauren during our months of dating, but as the years passed and our relationship changed, it was evident that I had loved her all along. We were not meant to be lovers any more than Bella and Jasper were. That didn't mean we couldn't have a different sort of involvement. It didn't mean we couldn't be friends. Family. That is exactly what my love for Lauren evolved into.

I loved her for not giving up on me and treating me like the douche I'd been with her. I loved her for befriending Bella and working with her. I loved her for feeding the bottomless pit of a stomach my brother-in-law had and for being not only our preferred caterer for any and every event, but being there as a member of the family. She attended every one of Emily's piano recitals and sat in the rain for dozens of Nathan's baseball games. She once spent days in my mother's kitchen cooking up a storm for Bree's wedding. It was held in the Cullen family's backyard. Bree's daughter was another grandchild to my parents, and Lauren was another aunt.

Aunt Lauren provided us with portraits of every new family member as Bella and I adopted again and again. Bella even confessed her own love to Lauren the day she offered Bella's cousin, Tanya, an apprenticeship at her restaurant while attending cooking school. Yes, we loved her just as we loved Alice and Emmett. And Kate, Garrett, and Tanya.

I never had another dream featuring Aro, but I thought of him often. He was a mentor and a friend. He was a man who could dig through a mountain of shit to find one gem. The precious stone he'd extracted from me was the ability to consider what was most important in life. To me, there was no hesitation about what was most valuable – it was love.

I'd always know my true love would be Bella, but my world changed forever once her reciprocated feelings were accepted. Once I fully believed that I didn't have to change a single thing about myself to have her love me for eternity, I turned the corner for good. We didn't have to be the couple everyone expected us to be. In fact, we never had been. Our friendship was like no other. Our unceremonious vows aboard a dinner cruise ship had left no ill feelings with family, nor regrets from me and my wife.

Thus, the decision to remain a childless couple seemed natural. It was something we'd both felt strongly about when we'd fallen in love, and returning to that way of thinking released us from the real and imagined expectations of us. We were simply Bella and Edward – fated for true love along with silliness together. Foster parents to dozens of injured, abandoned – and sometimes knocked up – dogs.

On my fiftieth birthday, I returned to the graves of my departed family members. With the grace of God, it was still only Elizabeth and Aro placed in their tombs. I tugged a weed from the ground near the headstone and then took a seat on the ground. I had no purpose for being there other than avoiding going home. Knowing I would be uncomfortable, Bella had warned me of the "surprise party" my parents had waiting for me back at their house. They still didn't understand that I simply didn't enjoy being the center of attention for any reason. For the sake of my family, I would eventually show up and act shocked to see everyone gathered there.

I'd sit through the reminiscing Mom was sure to do and hug her tightly when she finally shed the tears she would hold back through it all. I would join Dad in the garage for a beer. Even at fifty, he would make it seem like a coming of age ritual to have a drink with him. I'd behave like it was my first, because truly, I didn't know how many more I'd get to have with him and I would definitely miss it.

I figured Lauren and Tanya would handle the cake this year, but my mouth was watering thinking of Mom's carrot cake. I hoped she'd made me one to go. Maybe some muffins, with the cream cheese frosting swirls on top. I'd miss those, as well.

Finally, I directed my attention to those I already missed.

"How're ya doing, Mom?" I spoke directly to the ground on my right, where Elizabeth's body lie. "It's the big day. Half a century." For the briefest moment, my mind went to the darkest place, knowing my birthday was also her death day. Like a flash of lightning, it was gone.

"I've got about one grey hair for every year." I chuckled to myself. Bella liked the grey tinges around my temples. Said it made me look "refined." "Thanks for having good hair genes, by the way. Can we say that? They're good? I don't know, I still have this stupid cowlick, but that's beside the point. I'm not balding. It messy and turning grey, but it's still hanging on. Personally, I think not having kids is what's saved it. Jasper's rocking the horseshoe hairline. Wears a hat every day. Emmett and I are trying to convince him to just shave it all off, but apparently he has a birthmark right above the nape that he doesn't want exposed. All these years, I never knew he had a birthmark."

I tugged at the grass absent-mindedly as I uttered my nonsense. Would she be interested in any of this? I could picture Aro staring blankly at me. Appearing to listen intently, but a slight smirk would reveal his amusement.

"Aro… I've been meaning to write a new autobiography, just for you. I haven't got around to it yet. I wonder how different it would be from the original." I took a moment to reflect on my years of depression. It was part of who I was, but it no longer defined me.

"I guess if I were to have a go at it now, the basis would be similar. I still value love above all. My family – parents, siblings. My wife. The extended family. I love them all in different ways. Just like I wrote all those years ago. However, I love myself a whole lot more now. And it's good, Aro. It feels really good. It's my life… mine and Bella's… our life. Our choices. I chose to love her with all my heart, and it paid off in a big way.

"I guess the moral of my life story would be to stay true. Don't fake anything. Don't try to be something you're not, and don't ever think you don't belong anywhere. There is a place, and a heart, for everyone. I do wish they'd have changed the rules here and let me bury Don Everly with you two. It's absolutely ridiculous that he would have to be in a _pet_ cemetery. He's family, for Christ's sake. What, because he's a different species it makes him less real? Asinine rules. Asinine for a canine." My brief annoyance was cleared by my own lame wit.

"I should get going," I said quietly. "There's a houseful of people waiting for me to blush and stammer and generally look like an idiot. Fifty years of practice… I should have it down, right?" I paused as though they would respond. "I'll be fine, but if either or both of you want to jump into guardian angel mode, I'd love for you to come with me. Any takers? Maybe?"

Smirking, I rose to my knees and gave the erect stone a quick hug. I left without another spoken word. They knew how I felt about them.

When I turned, I saw a group of teens out on the roadside. They'd seen my graveside ritual and were snickering. I strolled past them to my car, hands in my pockets, casually whistling a tune. It wasn't rudeness that made them laugh, it was naivety. One day, they would understand love and how it made you indifferent to others' opinions. How it made you invincible. I threw my arms up and did the dance Rocky Balboa did at the top of the stairs before climbing in my car. I'd made it this far, and I would not throw in the towel for anything.

"My party awaits," I said to myself as I cranked up Tone Loc. My canine angel would be with me every time I played his tunes. "Come on, Don, sing it with me… wild thang ..."

_THE END_

* * *

><p><em>AN ~ That's all she (meaning I) wrote. For the first time, I'm not choked up hitting complete. It's a very long time coming. Once again, I thank everyone who stuck around for the ending. I hope you enjoyed it. _

_Another first - I don't have a new story anywhere near ready to begin posting. So, for now, I bid adieu. As always, thanks for reading! XX ~ SR_


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